Ok so 2019 is upon us, this year hasn’t started out exactly how I wanted but it will get better. Usually I make a couple of resolutions and why I want to make them but not this year. I began to think why would I wait until the next year to change something. Why can’t I just make a change when the inspiration comes. Mine came to me on December 23. I need to make a change. I want to be open and honest.

I need to stop ignoring my problems and looking for what makes me comfortable. I keep looking past things and ignoring the big problems I have in my life. The first is I am not putting my best effort into things. Yeah I’m sticking to my workout plan and making nutrition changes. But I could do more at being a better me and work. I am not practicing what I preach in that I haven’t been making myself comfortable with being uncomfortable. I am afraid of reject when with finding a partner. I’ve been scared to have someone tell me no again. I need to work on this.

I am also afraid to follow what makes me happy. I keep finding myself wanting to be more and more feminine in life. Yeah I like to be big, bad, and fit but being all of that while wearing a skirt, thigh-high socks, and a cut off shirt is an awesome idea to me. I am however afraid to show my girly side for reasons of public rejection, lack of understanding, and not a full understanding of myself and to express what I want. This is the second thing I need to work on.

I need to work on being a better salesman, it is my job. Tied into rejection and not knowing how to express myself. I am afraid of losing clients and not being to get more. I have good products, I consider it a skill I can talk to anyone, and I’m young enough to outwork the competition. Yet here I am so afraid to make a move I made myself hate my job. I can be very organized and can routinely keep up with the market due to my autism. This is the third thing I need to work on.

I write all these things to not vent or have y’all feel sorry for me. These are things I need to put down so I can stare myself down in the mirror every morning. Yeah they made seem like simple things that shouldn’t have that big of impact. I don’t feel they are simple, I like to refer to them as the small details about myself. In my life I have found the small details are more important than the big. Fixing these problems will have ripple effects through my life with time and effort. Yeah I own a house now, make more than ends meat, and am in better shape than I ever have been before. There is still room to improve

And what have I been up?

Hey everyone! So whew been a busy couple of weeks! Two weeks ago I got the chance to go back to Georgia for the weekend for and old college friend's wedding. It was so good to be home, forgot how much I missed it. I got to spend a night with my old friend  windsongwolf it was so awesome to see him, had been like 6 years. I also got to go see my home town. It's growing so fast! Way bigger than I could have ever imagined. I also stopped by my grandparents grave site for a moment of peace, which never realized how badly I needed it.

This week was great, especially yesterday evening. I went on an actual date for the first time in years. I was so nervous, scared, and excited haha We went to a small dinner and saw Jurassic World 2. I had a great and I'm hoping she did to. :D

Now in other news. I've been getting lost in all my training. Up at 3, gym for 1-2 hours, full day of work, practice, and run 2 miles before dinner. I just lose time, that or I'm too tired to do anything. I'm down under 230lbs. Which is big for me, and you can see some muscle definition now! I also made a Twitter account for myself. No furry or any of that is on it. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with it but it seems better for keeping up with news and current events.

In other other news. I've been playing around with the idea of making KaGe a herm/futa/shemale. I really like the idea of being one for some reason *shurgs* so I'm going to make a version of him like that and see how well I like it! I already have a commission of him as that but is only a head shot...I need to post that...

Anyway thanks for reading,
KaGe Bear

Hello everyone,

Well 2017 has ended. My resolution was to lose 100lbs of weight, well I came close and lost 83lbs. So overall I feel that was a success. 2017 was a rough year, having to leave Austin, then abruptly moving to San Antonio. I'm kinda spent on that alone.

Now 2018 has gotten off to a rough start. My grandfather passed early Tuesday morning. We found out he fell on Saturday morning. The doctors also found out he had double kidney failure. The man was 92 years old, saving him really wasn't an option. My mom was able to see him Sunday which makes me feel good. The funeral is this weekend. We will be driving over tomorrow and coming home before Monday. I'm handling it as well as I can, he had Alzheimer's and forgot me a few years ago so I was somewhat prepared. It is still difficult, he shaped a lot of the things that make me the person I am. Putting him in the ground will be difficult.

So in his honor and memory my 2018 resolution will be based off him. He was a US Marine, a man of faith, and someone who loved people. He always pushed me and was always optimistic about the future. So I want to be more like the person he wanted me to be. My resolution is to keep getting myself in shape, work on my faith, and learn to laugh WITH people.

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Hello everyone,

Well my day started out rather...wet. While I was getting ready this morning I managed to backhand my phone straight into my toilet while reaching for it. I couldn't have made that shot if I tried XD Contacted Google on their little instant messenger chat thing telling them I dropped it and got a refurbished replacement sent. It will be here tomorrow around 3, but I don't get off work til 5. So no phone or connection again tomorrow, which has actually been somewhat pleasant. Except for keeping up with this early signing period for college football, yes sports!

Life update coming soon. Merry Christmas y'all

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Hello everyone,

Ok it's time I look up and take a breath. So I finally quit the job that was no so slowly killing me. I mentioned to my mom on the phone how this job has sucked the happiness out of me. She mentioned how my negativity was a ripple effect on others around me. Which makes me want to apologize. For the ones who have stuck with me this part year thank you and I'm sorry I've been so negative. I did find a new job with a normal 8 to 5 Monday through Friday schedule that pays. I will be making more than I ever have before, even when I had for jobs.
I made it through the darkest party of the night
And now I see there sunrise - "Glorious" Macklemore ft Skylar Grey
I can tell I'm not mentally healthy, I've been beaten up. I have taken things too seriously and put too much pressure on myself. I always want to follow the words of John Wooden that character is more important than reputation. After the last 11 months I have worried more about reputation than character. So I want to change that and get back to where I was and get even better.
I might cuss and fight, tell a few lies
Break a few rules, make promises I can't keep
But I've turned the page on wilder days
I'm running all this down hoping you'll see
I ain't saying I'm prefect, but I'm working on a better me -"Better Me" Montgomery Gentry
So where do I go from here? Well for one I start my new job on Monday October 16th in South San Antonio. I was originally going back to Abilene but the offer here was too good to pass up. I plan on taking my time off looking for apartments and getting to know myself again. I have shut myself off from a lot and want to get back into some things. I want to spend some time alone with myself fixing my attitude and outlook before I go back to work and get into the SA for scene. I'm very excited about what the further holds.

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Ok so life has gotten stressful over the last month. Work has been crazy, I've been pulled down to Austin to help corporate catch many times. The last time I was there I made a backhanded comment about our San Antonio location. Then out of nowhere I was offered the chance to run it. Ok fine I thought about a few days to come to the conclusion I wanted more money. I want about to get paid more to run a warehouse 3 times as large as mine in Abilene. They wouldn't budge for a few days, but eventually caved in some. I took the job to be closer to family and have more opportunity to find a better job. However, now two weeks later I'm in San Antonio living in a family member's spare bedroom. I've barely had anytime to get things together, and feel as discombobulated. But hey a new town and new adventure ^^

Ok so a few people have hit me up to see what's going on with Big Ole KaGe

The last two months have been....interesting. Yeah that's a good word, let's go with that one. I have grown to like the city of Abilene, aka The Key City, so I've been told. It kinda reminds me of the town I went to college. Not really too much going on and life moves a little slower. The traffic compared to Austin is also fantastic hahaha then again that's not a high bar to set. I can also get a clear view of the stars from my apartment and enjoy spending time relaxing on my balcony looking at them. I have also found a couple golf courses I like to play and practice. Oh there is a par 3 course that has lights. I am going tomorrow night to play it after dark. Should be awesome!

Health related, things have been good and bad. I have been doing really well in the weight loss department. I am getting closer to my 2017 goal of 100 lbs everyday. I can fit into a 38 waist now, which I haven't been able to since 2012-ish. However, my knees have been giving issues, well more that usual. I wanted to increase the intensity of my training by making things hard on myself and taking the harder route. I began running in the heat of the day instead of the early morning chill. Well I was doing really well and hitting my times to improve, that was until my left knee gave me a problem. It made a popping noise and then went numb from pain as I continued to run. I did as much as I could to help it and saw a doctor. No structual damage or anything other than what is already there from the past. I was advised to take it easy for a couple weeks and start wearing my knee brace again. I had stopped wearing it earlier this year.

On the work front, I F***ING hate my job. This is not what I was promised and the pay is utterly awful. My expenses have gone up and my pay has gone down from what I made in Austin. Yeah and this was a "promotion." I even caught them not paying me the full check last Friday. I called out corporate on it and I got my money, but at the expense of being in the Dawg house. At this point, I don't really care. This place can eat it. I have been trying to find an online job I can do at home to make up some income, and online since I'm on call 24/7/365. If y'all have any ideas, leave a comment please. I made up my mind, once my lease is up at this apartment, I am either moving back to Atlanta or Austin. Yeah Abilene is great, but those are my hometowns. Returning to Austin is obvious why it would be nice. The idea of returning to land of my birth is also an idea I like to entertain.

Alright that's the end of my update. Hope y'all are doing well ^^

See y'all later,
KaGe

Well ladies and gentlemen tonight is the night, my last in Austin. As of tomorrow at 9am drive to Abilene and get my new life started. I wanted to say goodbye to everyone here personally, but there are a lot of you and time has run out unfortunately. So I will do it here.

First off let me say thank you. Y'all have given me so much over the last 3.5 years, I can only hope I've given a fraction back to the community. I was taken in my by this group, this great big dumb jock. Who thought he knew the world but knew nothing much at all. This community saved me when I was at my lowest and had to reinvent who and what I am. Y'all have given me so many different perspectives and ways to see this world, I'll never see it the same. I'm very proud of this community we have built. It has reached some amazing places from where I found it all those many years ago. I've watched furs come and go, relationships start, end, and begin again, furs reach out to touch their dreams. It has been amazing to see, and now I will have to watch from afar. But know I will be watching. I cannot wait to see where y'all take it next, I feel like this is just getting started.

Second I have no desire to leave Austin. I believed Austin was going to be home forever, my happy ever after if you will. However, life has been patiently waiting for me and it has come calling. If any of you ever need anything my door will always be open and you can approach me for anything. Life and the Heavens above must have had something else planned for me.

I'm going to miss y'all very much, you've become my family and I love the people you've become. Stay true to yourselves and hold on to one another.

(I told myself I wouldn't cry but I failed)

Goodbye my family

Love,
KaGe

I am kinda sad to see 2016, it ended up being a pretty good year for me personally. Maybe I can roll with that momentum into 2017. I know things will be changing in 2017, with one major change coming. I can't give details yet but time will reveal all.

Goals for 2017
1. Loss 100lbs
2. Have fun more
3. Improve on my mannera. Like stop cussing so much, remove my hat at dinner, etc

See y'all around

Hello everyone,

Been a long time since I put one of these up, about 9 months. Things have changed a lot since February. I worked 3 jobs all spring, summer, and most of fall. However this changes tomorrow, I have taken a new job here in Austin at a logistics company. I will be an independent contractor making deliveries and warehouse work. The plan is to get into management within the company and run one of the new warehouses in the state. I've got my fingers crossed on Corpus Christi XD

Things have been changing in my personal life as well. The biggest change is that moved into a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 other furries. I gave up renting a 4 bedroom house with a golf buddy to move back to apartment living. Honestly I couldn't be happier. My roommates are great guys and I feel like we are clicking well
Despite my constant country music playing hahahahahaha I also don't miss the space and enjoy living in the complex. I've gotten back into philosophy and religion again, the lack of cable TV has let me meditate more. I like where I am at on this level and have gotten my happiness back. However, I want to make a new start by striving to be even happier. I have been sour for way too long this year and I want to change this. I am doing my best to live by the Irish Blessing "May your trouble be less. Your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door"

With the new job and personal feelings worked out I have only one major issue to work out. This being finding a relationship. Ovet the course of these last 9 months I spent a lot of time thinking of my sexuality. Thinking back on it I'm not sure why I decided to exclusively date guys. The older I get, the .ore I enjoy the touch of a female and have really enjoyed rediscovering, for lack of a better term, what excites me about the female body and personality. I've been trying to get back into the dating scene but as of right now, no luck. I also really have a problem with online dating and the rules of texting. I hate all this stuff and unwritten rules in the way. I'd rather just say what's on my mind and see what happens. I still believe there is someone out there for me, even after I've been burned so many times.

If I could speak from the heart here for a moment to that special girl out there.
I don't know where you are or who you are, but I will not give up looking for you. It has been a long road to get me here, however you will be worth it all. There are still lonely nights ahead of me, they will only make the nights with you better. I can't wait to learn about you, all your problems and about where you come from. I look forward to meeting your family and let them judge whether I'm right for you or not. I can't wait to learn what annoys you and push them over the line and fight with you, just to make up and make sure you know I'll never walk away. One day our paths will cross and they will never separate. Just please stay patient til that day comes and becomes one of the best in our lives

Sorry for the wall of text there everyone ^^;

Thanks for reading,
KaGe Bear

Hello everyone,

Yes you read that right, I aquire a 4th job today. I will be an assistant golf coach for a greater Austin area high school. It will he only a couple nights a week ^^ but hey I gotta make a living somehow

Thanks for reading,
KaGe BearShep

Hello everyone,

So due to some unforeseen finical complications, I found myself in need of more income. Pulled on a few connections and got a third job behind a register at a local driving range (golf related) and teaching facility.

This should put me where I am making more money than ever, but my expensies have never been higher either. Funny how that works XD

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

PS on a side note, thinking about making KaGe a taur, or maybe just a taur sometimes...meh I dunno yet ^^

Hello everyone,

So many of the furs locally know this but it is something I haven't really spoken about publicly. Over the last several months I have been visiting the doctor to get tested for Autism. It was interesting taking the tests I was given as an adult, but the urge of sister and mother compiled me to get tested. I was able to find a doctor's office here in Austin willing to test me and hey insurance covered the cost. After a bunch of visits, lost track of the number, my test results were given to me today.

From what I am being told, I have what they called "Low Spectrum Autism." Now I will not get into personal details and such. From what the diagnosis read, I have abnormal emotional range experiencing things on a higher scale, feel compelled to nurture people close to me, and a tendency to replace words and their meanings.

The original doctor gave me the recommendation to keep a journal of my thoughts and emotions in order to find ways to deal with my "LSA." I have been keeping one, and have been writing in it every couple of days, no fewer than once a week. I will be looking into research, not to combat the symptoms but to find ways around them. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

With that being said, I am still very...sadden by this news. My hope was to hang on to being "normal" as possible and now that has kinda turned on its head. Now I don't want to sound like I being a jerk here, but I on a personal level have not come to terms with having "LSA." If anyone can provide some help, I would appreciate hearing whatever your wisdom has to offer.

Thank you for reading,
KaGe Bearshep

Hello everyone,

Well I think it's time for a change (no not one all you cubs are thinking). I will start from the end and go to the beginning (yeah cause that makes perfect sense KaGe) Hush you! So I wanted to make a radical change in my appearance, I had my head shaved down to a one cut (so much hair XD Copilot had a harder time than I did). I haven't had my hair this short since I took a flat razor to it in college. I like it right now, don't have to do it up in the morning (Gawd what a hassle).

I am also changing my fursona up (no not in color or spices again, but I did think of making another one). I have come to the conclusion I no longer want this transgender identity. I am rather happy with being me, the big lovable bearshep big brother jock. Looking back on the decision, I believe I made it for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to do it as more for rebellion, cast out my old ways and do something that was taboo and to have that secret with the world. This is not what being transgender is about, I know this now. Not to say no good came of this course of action. I am a much better person because of it (or we like to think so). I am not the same "refuse to accept others" close minded person, I am more accepting and willing to understand. I believe this came as direct response to taking this transgender journey. I know I did it for the wrong reasons, but lessons were learned.

Woah sorry for the wall of text there (yeah what the heck man *swats my own here*) I'm going to get you for that!

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Ok I will keep this short as I can to avoid a wall of text.

So my con "excitement" started early on Thursday afternoon. I convoyed with  thunder_mathis and  copilot100 but while leaving Austin was rear ended. Thank God it was just cosmetic damaged, but it took up only 15 minutes of time and we were able to get into Dallas at a halfway decent hour.

Ok the first day for me is kinda a blur. I ran into so many furs I know. Got to hang with  shadowdamon, his mate  Kikoshi, and  foxx43901 with Thunder and Co-Pilot. I then got to go to the Buck Town Tiger Concert and got to know  Kilo Who has some awesome photography. My buddy  tavimunk showed me where to buy some SURGE, that's right SURGE! 90s for the win! Which gave me a caffeine headache.

I also got to be on the "Under the Jungle Gym" panel with , , , and which was a ton of fun, and I hope some learned from it. Tavi got Shoogy and Kay to plant kisses on my cheek and turn me all blushy. Which is totally against the rules right? I think Tavi should get punished or something MUHAHAHA. I also got to throw snacks at the "Storytime" panel, which was wayyy too much fun. Kay hit me with her new snail plushie and :tatergatoricon; torture me with his Sombra plushie, why is everyone picking on me (he says sarcastically)

Saturday was also a ton of fun. I was super nervous about Saturday night, I was scheduled to DJ in Kempi's Basement for the 80s Dance Party. I drank from 1 to 9 without any food, I was affraid I was gonna hurl, which was a horrible decision.  whines,  fades,  ejotter, and  rheld gave me the confidence I was looking for and it ended being a big success I think. Two moms that had under age furs in attendance became my key audience members, if I could get them dancing I did something right and they danced almost the whole time. At the end I played our local group dance theme song "Bubble Butt" link below.  tylenn,  tinykitsy,  sarkiran, and :kaynusvulfe: got to dance along with it. Afterwards I got to hang out with and which were awesome to talk with. I also got to hang with some of their Louisana Furs group, who a crazy in a very very fun way.

Sunday I didn't do too much. Had breakfast with Sark, Kaynus, and one of their suiter friends (I'm sorry I can't remember his name :/) I then sat with Black wolf and people watch until about 2pm. I decided to get home before the weather became dangerous.

This con was a blast and by faaarrrrr was the best con I've had. I can't wait for next year, already counting down the days!!!! :D

So I had to leave work early yesterday and stayed home today with I think is a sinus infection. Been shoving down gel pills, orange juice, cough syrup, and water in hopes to feel better. I think my fever broke last night, and I'm hoping to be back at work tomorrow. At least I get to stay home and watch some basketball. The Atlanta Hawks have the best record in the Eastern Conference, which at this time last year I thought would be crazy. We have been a farm club the last 15 years, not really doing anything special. But with this new coach they are embracing a "family" mentality and I love to watch them play. Who knows maybe a national sports championship will come back to Atlanta soon.

But I am super bored just sitting here in bed watch re-runs of crime shows and whatnot. I know I missed TMI Tuesday but meh whatever. Ask whatever you like and I will answer whenever I wake up haha

Heya everyone ^^

My football season starts (well started) tonight as my Georgia BullDawgs look to crush the Clemson Tigers. Then next week my Atlanta Falcons open the season versus the Aints. I will be yelling like crazy for the next couple weeks (who are you kidding? couple months)

Oh yeah I'm back in Texas as well. I should be helping my sister move but I got more important things. I will be back in Austin tomorrow sometime ^^

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Heya everyone ^^

Well my vacation is almost over, I would like to say it's been stress releasing but it has been the opposite. I'm on my way back to Austin but have stopped in New Orleans for the night. Waiting for the rain to blow over so I can head to Burbon Street. Which I will be wearing my Atlanta Falcons gear for some fun ^^

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Hello everyone,

I've been ignoring this website for quite sometime. I check it from time to time, but right now I just don't sit down long enough to get one here. I got a bunch of new watchers and faves to thank. I also have some art to upload. Then there is 3703 submissions to look at :/ And I'm leaving for Atlanta on Saturday to visit family. I swear one day I will get this thing caught up XD

Thanks for reading
KaGe

Hello everyone,

Today was my one year anniversary of my current job and my first day of my new position, same company but now I'm Inventory Audit Coordinator. I enjoyed my time in the contact center, but I am left with some humorous questions to ask anybody willing to answer.

1. Like what makes people think a 1-800 number is the local store down the street? I mean honestly we have 136 stores and 50 in Canada. What in God's green f***-all makes you think a 1-800 number is to your store 5 minutes from your house. And you're not gonna get anywhere by arguing with me either.

2. Who said Friday at 6:00pm was a good time to call? I can't help you! Everything I could do to help won't be done until Monday morning. Yes MONDAY as in like two days of waiting. Leading into question 3.

3. What makes you think I am behind the phone 24/7? Noooo I'm here everyday allday. I live off of vending machine snacks and Monster energy drinks so I can make sure I am always here to listen to you complain.

4. How do you know I was the one to ship your package? Yes I was the one who put all your stuff in a box, put a sticker on it, and sent it to you. You didn't get what you ordered? Too damn bad! HAHA

Thanks for reading
KaGe

As an American nationalist working for a Canadian company with a contact center based in Austin Texas, HAPPY CANADA DAY! I've been trying to celebrate as best I can, wore all red and white at work today. The American part of the contact center gave out manager (who's Cuban LOL) maple syrup and bacon as a good joke. We sang the Canadian national anthem which I don't know LOL so mine went a little something like "oh Canada something something something"

But I did learn what Canada Day was about. If you Canadian furs love July 4th as much as I do, turely happy Canada Day!

I feel pulled in so many different directions. I have a job I despise but keep trying to get better at and create a better opportunity. I have roommates that can't get along and one that hasn't paid rent in 3 almost 4 months, but yet we just signed a new year lease in a 3 room apartment. I have friends I feel I am taking advantage of but yet I barely get the time to go hang out with them and never reach out to the ones I used to all the time. I have a broken heart and yet I am chasing after someone as if my whole life depended on having him.

And at the end of it all, I'm still here dragging along all this baggage and burdens I can't lay down. I sit down and collect all my thoughts, look at everything both good and bad trying to analyze it all. This gets me nowhere and only leaves me with one thing out of place, for lack of a better phrase. I'm filled with this desire to go and get something better, there has to be more than this. Get up, go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat. There has to be more, then pushing so hard the very person you want to get close to gets farther away. THERE HAS TO BE MORE OUT THERE! SOMEWHERE!!!

Hello everyone,

I know the vast majority of people who watch me, heck on this website, do not care much for sports. But a major event happened in the sports world today. The first openly gay player Michael Sam was drafted by the St. Louis Rams. Michael Sam came out to the world after help the Mizzou beat Oklahoma State in the Cotton Bowl. Which his announcement was met with a lot of support and hate. A lot of "experts" wrote him off after a bad performance at the NFL combine and combined with the bad publicity, he was expected to go undrafted. That was until St. Louis called his name with the 249th pick (of 256 possible). Sam is now the first openly gay player in the NFL. As a athelete who came out to his teammates when in college, this moment makes me very happy. As someone who watches football way too closely, cannot wait to see Michael Sam get a chance to earn a starting position and hopefully carry out of his dream of playing at the highest level. The Rams have become my 3rd favorite team in the league, behind my hometown Falcons and then Tennessee Titans. I may even have to get a jersey of Michael Sam if he becomes a starter.

Thanks for reading

Hello everyone,

So I'm trying to step out of my box here and gonna try this dj thing.  whines is giving the chance at his party tonight will all his gear and music (it was his idea to) I'm super stoked but nervous at the same time. I've done the whole radio dj thing before but this is new ^^

Thanks for reading,
KaGe

Hello everyone,

Tonight was one of the worst I've ever had. I already had a heavy heart tonight after work, then on the way to hang out with them I got involved in a car accident. My foot slipped off the brake and rear ended someone. I've been freaking out all night because I don't know how I'm going to pay for all of it, my saving are enough to cover my deductible but that it. My rates will go up and I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for everything. However, Avrin and Tylenn made me laugh and have a good time. They helped take away the sting of it all, and for that I cannot thank them enough.

For now, gonna try and sleep

Thanks for reading,
KaGe BearShep