http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3979912/

Go check it!

is holding an awesome raffle. You have a chance to win an adopt and a piece of art work of your own character. IF YOU LIKE NICE AND FREE ART GO HERE

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> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3824769/

go over hear .v.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3720809/

I have just been really tired from work. But I guess that is life : /. In fact I need another job just because I know if I ever wanted to leave my house I could not live off of what I am making. With that being said a lot of fun things are going on in my life. I will be here in about two weeks so I can show him NY and some of NJ possibly ovo. Gonna do so many fin touristy things*laughs* also party really hard <3

Haven't been able to get to much new art as of late. Though I did find some artist's that I am fricking in love with!!!! ONE DAY I will have art by all the artist's I enjoy...If I can ever catch them when they are not full u^u. I guess you snooze you lose.

Bai for now every one!
ALSO EXPECT SOME MORE FASHION PHOTOS SOON....WITH IN THE MONTH!? <3

-kai

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3673645/ By

His Tablet just broke. He can't complete His normal commissions with out it. So he is Taking Emergency pencil sketch commissions. Please go help him. I HAVE SEEN HIM SKETCH IN PERSON ITS QUITE AWESOME. Please even if you don't commission him spread the word <3

GO OVER HERE FOR SEXYASS ART...SRZLY

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3646037/

go over nyah!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3396409/

....So my friends finally convinced me to watch it...AND OH MAN!

I am so pissed I missed out on being able to watch it on TV. Its awesome like I don't even know.

Just started season 4. Dean is still my favorite with that bat man voice and attitude. I mean damn if I saw a dude like that walking down the street I would be all what ever not my type, but his person makes im so much more lovable.

Sam is cool too but he is still a bitch face xD.

Also remember those demon circus eggs. I believe will be making more of them some time soon, so keep an eye out! If you don't know what they are I have one of the hatched demons in my gallery.
Go check him out, hes a handsome bitch :>
(also he still has one left from the first batch) GO GET HIM!!! HE NEEDS A HOME!

Working on cosplay for I-con 31.

I picked Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke
and Tobias From Catherin.

My Tibias had came in so I have to do the writing on it

and then Finished sewing the bolero type item ashitaka wears.

Since Ashitaka is is so simple I am really trying to give it that old world feeling by picking the right fabrics.

I chose mole skin, 100% cotton, and wool.

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos.....58405898_n.jpg

I am back in America with out ...and I miss him, I think I missed him even before I left Germany.

He is opening commissions to try and save up to come see me over here. I know he is really busy, but even so he opened them so he can fly over. I could go on for days about how I miss him, but I won't do that to you x.x.

Just go check out his profile even if you don't plan on commissioning him. That Cabbit Deserves all the views in the world!

Germany will be in 7 days now. I must say it creeped up on me pretty fast. Sorry I haven't been active in a wile guys x.x Thinks have just been on the rocks with my family...I will start to be active again though! Probably after Germany though...unless me and decide to do some colabs.

It's this journal does seem kinda boring. So imma gonna make a list of things I wanna bring on the plain.

-change of clothes
-reading material
-lap top
-cookies and crackers =w=


if you guys have anything to suggest let me know <3

Soooooooo...
Yeah, long time no update, sorry it's been so slow on my profile.

I have been mainly working and what not, Also I have been tryign to draw more... UNSUCCESSFULLY might I add xD

Anyway for the past month and a half I have been saving up for a trip to Germany to see the super awesome bishi I bought a new suit case and tomorrow I will buy a plain ticket.

Honestly I am scared to spend so much money on a plain ticket, It's starting to make me go nuts thinking about it. I could have bought it 2 days ago but then I was like hmmm not now and I ended up spending about 180 usd on things that weren't a plain ticket. So I basically screwed my self over in that department. Now I have to struggle to be able to have enough for the plain ticket and what ever else I want and what ever else want's.

SOME ONE PLEASE TAKE MY BANK CARD AWAY FROM ME *sobs*...Also can I has a friend come over to order the plain ticket for me QQ.

FFFFFFF found out about this like 5 days ago....CAN I SAY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFGOD

excited as fuck for this.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

SO expect some uploads in the next few days.

Some I modeled, some I did the hair, some I took.

It was a day of profile photos...we must have done 6 people possible another cause I had to leave early QQ *disappointed*

BUT YOU GET TO SEE SOMETHING THAT INST ME FUCKING AROUND, derp :B

Just been feeling really amazing cause of him <3
Thank you so much Silias. Your helping my world
feel fun and happy again!

Also I realized that I had like 6 diff tabs of the picture you
drew for me. Apparently I cant stop looking at it xD lol

CLICK IF YOU LIKE SEXY BUNNIES IN SUITS!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6987204/

PINK PLASTIC TREE SHIRTS...THE FUCK.

I WILL BUY THEM ANYWAYS CAUSE I CANT FIND THE COLOR WAY I WANTajehdikahxuhsweygdjkhevbg D:<

my life is only meant to have pink ass plastic tree shirts....and not even like a nice magenta no powdered pink...x.x

Still I am glad I am getting them <3

I am pretty content right now. Work's going really well. Bought my self a new pair of pants and a necklace. I have a person I really like. My house is getting cleaner every day.

But I am still nervous about my 21st birthday...I'm kinda scared actually. I have a huge phobia of getting old. Some times I start having anxiety attacks over it. Call it a complex or what ever you will, but that doesn't change the fact that its still scary to me.

So many things run through my head like thousands of different thoughts at once.

What if I end up in a job I hate?
What if I don't make enough money?
What if I am never happy?
Will I always be relying on my dad?
How long will I have to reply on my dad?
What if I never truly fall in love with someone?
What if I am always unhappy with my self?
Why didn't I do better in high school?
Why don't I try harder?
Why are the days so short?
Why am I not not amazing at anything I do I'm only soso.

And a lot more then that. Just to many things to mention

But over all my days are good just sum times through out the day I get in to that mood. My friends have been trying really hard to cheer me up though and I appreciate it so much. They are the reason I can get through these feelings.

is doing some free art for Christmas...no not for you BUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS! If you don't have enough money for a gift or if you wanna do something special for a friend of yours now is the chance. Check out their journal!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2886854/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2886854/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2886854/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2886854/

Ok...so I am trying to grow my hair back out to what is used to be.

Past: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6265872/
Current: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6660816/

Do any of you have treatment suggestions or product suggestions? My hair grows relatively fast but I wanna try to help it along. Eventually I wanna go back to all black too. It's currently red and black...but red isn't really suited to my skin color so I don't know why I did it x.x


Also I need to buy some new pant's....I all ready know I want skinny jeans.....but there is so many different styles. Maybe black but with rips, that sounds typical doesn't it xD Of should I do a light blue wash with bleach splatter, maybe some color? Also I really need new kicks, I only have the one pair Of Osiris's with teal and my brother's shoes are not the same size as mine. So that is ruled out QQ. Anyone have any suggestions for brands or styles of pants?


ALSO BIG BANG WON...GRATZ GUYS!!! <3

Doing pretty good over here. Work is awesome! I love it. Tho I am constantly tiered now. I don't mind it as much as being chronically depressed though....STEPIN' UP MY GAME!

Tomorrow I can finally get Flint all fixed up that way he stops spraying in my house, after that a full few days of cleaning is ahead of me. I don't know when I will have time since I have work the whole week end but I am sure I can manage....Also there is not a single spec of food in my house QQ well peanut butter but I can't stand it.

ALSO HNG....I FINALLY GOT THE COMMISSION I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE I FIRST JOINED THIS SITE!!!!
When I saw had some slots open I immediately went for it. The second I saw her art I was like o.o THIS is what I have been looking for in an artist. After I got my spot 2 weeks ago POP GOS MY COMMISSION! Got it yesterday and it's crazy spectacular! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

GO LOOOOOKKK IIITTTT!!!!!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6792432

Her art is so beautiful, well colored, well lined, amazing style. What more could I have asked for?! I hope I can commission her many times in the future! <3

Go check out her page if you haven't all ready watched her.

To day is a great day. Got up at 8am showered went to work. Here till 11. Then Off to my other job at 12. Then I will be there till 4pm :3

Spending first half of work watching k-pop videos and man...I love em. The fashion choices are so impeccable...OMGDID I SPELL TAHT WORD RIGHT HNGJIHWEUOFDHGALEIF!!!

My favorite Girl group is 2NE1 and then for Guys It's hard for me to pick between Shinee and U-Kiss but it's probably U-Kiss just cause of the pure ridiculousness lol.


After Fist work place off to my second were I will probably organize walls of stuff or ring up customers <3

Feeling great! Lets keep dis shit up

Tomorrow I have a small job at the Botanical Gardens. They are playing me 100 for one days work. So I am cool with this :>

So today I started to feel much better. It was also the first day of work...So maybe that is why?
Either way, it's helping me feel better knowing that I did something with with my and am not just rotting away on the couch or bed. I don't feel completely whole yet but this is just a small step for me to get better. Also I'm excited to get some money so I can commission some of the artists I really love. Maybe some new clothes too ;w; but wow has this been a big push in the right direction!

I also want to thank those of you who really helped me with your words <3. You guys are awesome!
I may have more pictures in a few weeks so I hope you guys look forward to them :>

is doing another raffle again! Granted I am actually going to try and commission him when ever his current que is done I am still gonna try it :>

Go check out the journal so you have a chance too!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2844803/

I am still not feeling all to...joyful. I mean I got the job a Pier One, my dad is moving back in 10 days, I ate well today, I have 2 commissions being worked on by some of my favorite artist's, but still I am up set. Only this time it's about me ending up with a profession/job I hate for the rest of my life and what if I am never happy with my self. I want to do something creative as a profession but I am really not good at any of it. I would love to be a writer, Im terrible at grammar. I would love to be a fashion designer, I can't do super technical sewing. I would love to be a musician, can't even play an instrument (well i can but its one I hate). I would love to draw and paint, Im no good at things like anatomy,proportions, and prospective. I hope one day...preferably sometime soon so I can stop feeling like this. I feel useless and absolutely hopeless when I can't do something I love.

Then there is my self worth issue which is on a whole different level. Lets start. I always think I smell bad so I usually don't let people hug me or touch me. Even though people tell me I smell fine. My skin has a multitude of issues. Sometimes it's overly oily but still has dry spots, I get acne here and there, I always feel like its worse then every body says it is. I am soft and squishy...not really fat, but I was not built thin or muscular, just average. My height I am stuck in the middle at 5'6 Some times I want to be taller sometimes I wish I was shorter. I don't feel like I am worthy of peoples affection and love, someone better than me deserves it. I am a slacker and I don't give a lot of things 100 percent. Things or people that should get my attention don't because a lot of the times I am blind to obvious things. Some times I feel like Im a horse with those blinders. I can't see around me I can only see ahead. I am so scared or what is ahead of me though. My hair gets greasy fast so I don't let people touch it unless I am right out of the shower. I...just don't know the list can go on and on.

thanks for listening to more of my crap.

Im not feeling terrible like I was last time I posted a journal like this...but still not feeling all to happy with my life.

I really need a job, I feel more fulfilled when I do something with my day. I also hate having to work at my dads because its like he gave me that job and he is struggling to keep it up. It's so close to going under...none of us know what we are gonna do when that happens, and my mom keeps forcing my dad to give her more money. It's almost like does she not realize what she is doing to him? Is she that stupid? Then we have my little brother who misses school all the time and on top of that he is a super senior. He wakes up late I go in to his room "Hey Tyler shouldn't you be in school?" "Yeah, I woke up late and I don't feel to good." That is complete bull shit I didn't fucking feel good half the time I went to high school, BUT I STILL FUCKING WENT! So instead he stays home to smoke weed all day. I'm not against smoking, but be fucking responsible with it. if your gonna smoke then do it before class and then go to class, or don't do it on a school night. This is the source is just a tiny fraction of my depression/anxiety. It used to not be like this it started about a year ago when I was doing stupidly shitty in all my collage classes. I really need something to keep me occupied or this could start getting really bad, to the point where I will just sleep all day and never do anything with my life. I don't wanna end up like that.

I'm excited for my dad to move in on Nov,1st he seems to be the only thing that is relatively good at cheering me up. I feel like when spending time with him I actually get stuff done or accomplish something. Maybe it's my mom and brother making me feel this way. I am no 100 percent sure that is the problem, but both of them are slackers. Don't take responsibility with anything and they are both drug addicts my mom is an alcoholic as well. I can't even tell when they are sober anymore. My mom even neglects going to the doctor for her monthly check ups after she got diagnosed with breast cancer. I am worried about her, but at the same time I feel like she is weighting me down. I am happy that she is gonna be out of the house, but I am also nervous what if she OD's like a year ago and no one is there to find her. I just hope every thing works out in the end.

Also if you didn't read through that whole thing I understand. Its long and probably depressing.