Hellooo?? My immunity? Where’re you?

High temperature, weakness, sore throat, cough, etc. I just woke up sick (while yesterday I was fine lol) 👍🏻

Honestly I thought that gym, healthy food and vitamins will allow me don’t be sick. I’ve checked my expenses and last time I bought meds for virus infection at Dec 9. And here we go again. Wtf 😭

If anyone saw my immunity please tell it to go home I need it 😡

Hi hi, friends!

First of all - big thanks to those people who checked me after the previous journals and asked about my health (both mental and physical). You’re wonderful. I appreciate your support! 💜

About me.. I feel better! Physically, at least ^^” My neck, my back. Seems like gym and orthopedic pillow help me a lot. I’ll continue exercising, walking, etc.

My mental health isn’t so good, but I’m working on it 😳 Few days ago I had a panic attack in the car on the way to stables, where I ride horses sometimes. It became hard to breathe, my mouth tingled, my heart beat faster. This went on for another 10 minutes even after I sat on horseback. But then my anxiety disappeared. I love horses so much and it’s like a therapy for me! Btw here I’ve shared some photos of the Frisian mare Bella uwu

I hate my anxiety. Sometimes I just think why I can’t be fine and do usual things. Horse riding is one of the things that make me happy, but I feel anxiety each time I have to travel far from home 😔 Also I take Zoloft (prescribed by my neurologist) in min doses.

Lately I think a lot about trying to create “anxiety cards” - cards with funny illustrations, where I’ll write different ways of dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. And I want to share it for free so that everyone can have access to this. What do you think? Would it be useful for people? I just want to share my experience as a person who tried a lot of methods (knitting , walking, meditation, therapy, etc.) and as an artist too 💜 Please let me know your thoughts!

Thanks in advance for reading! Have a good day and stay healthy 🥰🍃

On my private favs page many favs I left for the last time just disappeared. Few people let me know that they had notifications from me as I put and take favs back multiple times. I didn’t do this! Please send me the note if this happened to you too.

I’m trying to survive through the all sh*t in my real life and now this happens here - in my safe space.

I’ve put so much effort trying to support people here and now everything I did is just lost. Idk why. And now I don’t have any strength to solve it. Honestly, I just want to disappear.

I’m sorry for all the inconvenience.

Hi!

First of all - happy New Year to all of you! Stay safe and healthy, I wish all your dreams come true ✨

I wanted to say that I may be not available for the few weeks or more, cause of some personal issues. For my customers - I’ll always answer you via notes or Discord, but please don’t be mad at me for delays. I’ll continue to work on all the comms.

I don’t want to share what’s happened, please don’t ask. Thank you in advance for understanding. I appreciate all the support..

Today at 5:50 am I woke up all wet with sweat and 38.3 temperature 🫤 With a horrible cough, sore throat and a headache. I took antipyretic 4 times a day, cause the temperature kept growing.

Medics said it may be Covid, flu or acute respiratory infection, but my lungs sound not so bad.

Seem like I’ve drank more then 3 litters of tea this day lol

Please stay safe and healthy and sorry for ignoring messages everywhere 🥺🙏🏻 I just feel very weak like each of my muscle hurts and all I do is sleeping all day 😔

That’s a small update for this journal. I can’t find the words to describe HOW grateful I am to all the people, who replied there. This was so very important for me to read these comments to feel myself better and stop blaming myself. Thank you very much for the support. You’re the best audience 🥺💜

Here’s the short list of what I’ve done during the last few weeks as my “healing” routine..

- I’ve returned to horse riding. Not as professional rider, but just as a person who enjoy riding in fields and spending time with farm animals
- I’ve started gym training with a trainer to improve my poor health
- I’ve done some medical diagnostics, that I should have done few years ago
- I’ve started to cook beautiful and healthy meals
- I try to walk 10.000 steps a day, discover new places and enjoy nature

Thank you very much for each single comment on the previous journal. I’ve read all advices and I follow them. TYVM 🥺💜 I still have a lot of things to do, especially with my health, cause the tomography showed protrusions throughout my cervical spine (even now I have a headache, I’ll post this journal and go to sleep 😖). I still feel bad, sad and lonely sometimes, but then I remember how many people support me and this give me strength 🙏🏻 Now I have much more confidence that one day everything will be fine..

I just need a few kind words, please… I really need them, cause now I can’t stop crying. I don’t think I will be able to reply for the day or two, but I will read everything. If anyone will answer, hah..

My relationship ended today. Again. I tried to solve everything, I tried to save “us”, but I failed. Today I’ve heard that it’s only my fault that relationships.. ended. I feel myself so so shitty. I know FA is for art, not nagging, but I just can’t..

Honestly I feel myself as like I'm on the edge of an abyss. And like I want to make step to stop feel this pain. He deleted our chat with the year of sweet memories, very dear memories for me and I lost the part of myself. I lost the person I loved and now the only thing I want is to disappear and.. Stop. Feeling. Pain. And stop feeling guilt.

Maybe I’ll delete this in the morning. I’m sorry for this journal..

I just wanted to explain few things about my previous journal, cause I feel kinda… awkward asking for help 😖 And for making customers wait for their comms long..

From my endocrinologist visit:
One of two cysts in my thyroid gland is too big to be “normal” and I’ll have to make puncture from this. Honestly I’m scared af. They said it’s definitely benign, but I'm not happy with the fact that they will have to pierce my neck with a needle lol

From dermatologist and therapist visit:
They prescribed me meds and analysis for about $500 more, including test on celiac disease and anemia.

All doctors say that I have a strong lack of something in my organism and this affects different aspects of health. And that’s all not including neurological diagnosis.

Idk what scares me more - diagnosis or bills lol

I just… want to say that I’m not a lazy person who don’t want to work and keep asking for comms and pre-payments 😔 That’s true! I swear 🥺 I love drawing, I enjoy communicating with customers. Last year is very hard for me. Sometimes I feel depressed and haven’t got strength even to wake up and do everyday things. I draw all free time, when I feel good. I have a list of people who supported me with comms and kind words. One day I’ll draw something for free for each of you!

I’m infinitely grateful to this community. Sorry for me being such a problematic person 😖😖😖

This month took a lot of money for meds and consultations. I’ve earned about $300 in October and it’s not even close enough to cover bills, rent and food..

I would like to take few commissions with full pre-payment now, but I will be able to start only in the mid of December cause of current queue (sure I’ll do my best to draw faster).. If anyone is fine with this terms, please contact me in DM 💜

Price list is here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/commiss.....s/kaisarreitz/

Also I have a Patreon if anyone want to consider support me with few dollars c:
https://www.patreon.com/kaisarreitz

And also currently I have one girl open for adoption!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/49382570/

Thank you for reading 🥺💜 Stay safe and have a good day!

One of my mental health therapy tasks is to write a list of gratitude every day. I usually include things as my dog’s health, my parents’ life and something small as a sunny day lol

But now I want to share one of the points of my today’s list.. and it’s… you! Yes it’s you who read this rn!

I’m grateful for such a wonderful audience. Grateful for support, favs, comments and of course for my dear commissioners. Sometimes I share personal stuff in journals and omg there’re SO many people replying and ready to help with advice. It means a lot. Every interaction with my art means a lot to me. I’m happy as a child with each new follower and I try to reply all comments and notes, because I appreciate it 🥺💜

So you, who read this, personal THANK YOU for everything. And have a very nice day!

P.S. You guys help me to beat this f**king anxiety and panic attacks 💜 You motivate me to keep drawing and keep fighting. I wouldn’t be an artist if I didn’t have a support. I’m here because of aaaaaall of you 🥺💜

I feel sooooo bad rn. Runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes.. First I thought it was an allergic reaction to something, but no. Hope that’s nothing serious, no temperature, I just feel weakness and my nose hurts lol

I was fine in the morning. And in the evening - surprise 🥲

Hope tomorrow I’ll feel better, I haaaate being sick 🤧 Now I made a huge cup of tea with lemon for myself and a vitamin C.

A pack of 50 wipes ended in a couple of hours 🤡 My poor noooooose 😪

Today I went to the doctor on a scooter and on the way back I lost consciousness. It's good that I managed to get off the scooter in time.

Good people stopped to help me, cause I didn’t see anything and everything was black in my eyes.

31 degrees of heat. I was hungry in the morning. And the rest of the day I felt weak. People who helped me said that my skin color was very white and lips are blue. Seems like I need to check my iron level in blood ☹️

Just be careful! Take water 🥺💛

That’s a little thread from my Twitter, explaining why a hamster 😅

We’ll I have swollen area under my ear and high fever lol. I'm going to go to the hospital rn. Seems like it may be inflammation of the salivary gland, but who knows. I feel like the most unlucky person 🥲

So.. it’s inflammation of the lymph nodes and salivary glands. Not good, but not critical. I didn’t stay at hospital and will continue treatment at home. Antibiotics, painkillers and drinking a lot of water. It hurts so bad 😫

Seems like I will not be able for a few days. At least. I feel weakness cause of temperature and headache. I really hope meds will help soon 😭

Small update: today my swelling got bigger. Now I have like.. my face with a half 😅 Painkiller is my friend. Doc said me to eat something sour to make the salivary gland work. Still can’t figure out HOW it happened loool

My food for today was: three packs of skittles as doc advised, tea, baby fruit puree and a yogurt 😅😅😅

Just.. how?

Yeah, I got sick again. And you know what's the funniest thing? I’ve not left the house for two months now due to anxiety and panic attacks. I only contact my family at home. As soon as one of them gets sick, I also get sick immediately. I'm very tired. Now it's a headache, a sore throat and a runny nose, but I feel like a squeezed lemon.

Is there really no way to somehow increase immunity and stop being sick like.. constantly? 😫

Hello there again!

I’m at home after hospital (after bacterial food poisoning).
I feel better, but not good 😖

Seems like I really have an anemia: low blood pressure, high pulse from any activity (even sitting or standing), weakness, dizziness, hard to breathe. When I’m at bed everything is almost fine, but any activity.. ugh.
I take meds, but seems like it didn’t help or maybe meds are wrong, or I need some more time. So maybe I’ll need a doctor consultation again. Tired of being sick tbh.

I’m trying to draw a little bit, but can’t spend much time with the tablet.. 😔

Take care of yourself, health is so important 🥺❤️
Stay strong and healthy!

So, I feel quite better, at least I have strength to hold the phone now..

I’m at hospital after food poisoning. Still not sure what food was the reason: a berry cake, a bun with ham or sea buckthorn fruit drink. Anyway the result is poisoning.

I felt bad the whole Wednesday and in Friday decided to call the ambulance, cause I couldn’t eat of drink, each attempt led to vomiting with blood. That’s why I was very weak and extremely dehydrated.

After a few droppers I felt better. Now I’m just feel weakness and I ate a little bit.

I will try to do my best and get back to drawing as soon as I will be able to hold the pencil and look at the tablet more then for few minutes 🥲

Please take care of yourself! Hospitals are not the best places at all 🥺💛

I’m at hospital. I will answer everyone as soon as I will be able to. Thank you for patience.