Why?

Was it real,or was it really fact?You don't even say a thing but why did it happen?

Perhaps it just is true.There's just no point in trying,to be a good friend.Nothing does ever change,and it just hurts me more and more,hurting me when I try to give my friends the best,hurting more when the fact that my energy and time was ill spent on others than on myself.

What can i do,only then will i be accepted..?

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

Everyday whenever i look around,when i go about doing my daily stuff..I've come to have realizations,which i do not exactly want to completely realize,or accept.

I completely refuse to believe that things will go back the way they used to.I refuse to be taken for granted,and i refuse to be taken advantage of.I've been too nice to many people around me,and i've always been saying that i'll never be too nice anymore,so that things like these won't happen.But,i still am being too nice.I still accept things the way they are,even going along with the flow.

I refuse to be like normal fish.I want to be like a salmon.Even if i will die at the very end,i don't want to follow the flow.I will fight against it,and reap what i truly deserve,as what i've sown.

I don't want to just live normally,and then die.There's no point in that.No fun,no happiness,just doing what i must do,and then perishing.

I refuse,because life is meant to be fully made use of.It was a gift,and I shall not want to see it wasted.

******* EDIT *********

Pencils are the foundations,while color pencils are the depths,
Erasers make short work of mistake,and paper is the world.
Our lives are just like an artwork,a set of tools.
But it all brings to life a perfect image,a masterpiece.

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

I can't even play my flute right anymore.What the fuck can i even do right anymore?What the fuck is wrong with me goddammit!

Why can't things ever be right when i try so fucking hard but nothing ever happens?Work,fur-friends,now even my music.Must my fucking effort always go to waste??

Must i be a fucking talented person,only which would i find success in whatever i do??

GRAAAAHH *throws paws in the air angrily*

I need a break..seriously.

~depressed wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

As i was watching and listening to a flautist and piano duet,for some reason..it just makes me...wanna scream a little bit.

or maybe cry.I feel that its quite unfair,that i can't get to have my dream of being a musician or something..all i ever got was rejection,and ...all i ever have to myself was my own ability to just listen to certain songs,and play in my own self-taught ability,with basics i learnt from high school band.

I would want to upload some of my own covers for some songs,but..i don't have the equipment.

*shrugs* Maybe someday...it will happen?

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

People complain about it.When things start to get a bit messed up and makes their lives turn upside down,they bitch about it.Then when things are out of their control and they sometimes can't do a thing about it,they whine.and you know what?I'm actually getting fucking sick and tired about it.

I have to admit,i know its a natural order of life and how things will just continue to be,that people will just bitch,whine and rant about shit that goes on in their lives,but sometimes i just wonder why the fuck they have to do all that about mini trivial things in this world.Hell i know i do at some points,but its at those points that i just can't understand why things happen that way especially when i'm not at fault,or whatever kinda situation like loss of family member or stuffs.

But sometimes,enough is enough.You bitch/whine/rant about it once,ok,people get the message and comfort you.Do it again,and people will be like, "..didn't we talk about it last time?" but give a comforting shoulder.Beyond 3 times and more,people start to get more and more affected and pissed off because you're seriously bringing their mood down,and other than that,its repetitive,and people don't like hearing the same things over and over and over again.

Sometimes yes,the situation is really a tough one and quite a bitch,and seriously i get stuff like that sometimes..But you know something?How about DOING something instead of WHINING about it?Fuck if life is really doing so much of a power rape to you,then you should be cutting the fucker's dick,right??Rather than moan out and scream, "Oh god he's fucking me so hard i can't even see straight,Ohhh!~ Shit i think i feel him hitting my prostate,but i ain't not gonna do shit about it OHHHH~~!!"

you see how stupid that sounds?Its almost like you're expecting the guy to like pet you and then hug you.Tell you what,Life's not that merciful.If you really expect life to meet your every expectation,you're fucking wrong.

People everywhere can tell you how fucked up their lives are,but the ones who made a difference are those who DID something to their lives and MOVED ON forward.I'm pissed off because there are people in my life who DON'T,and i'm honestly a bit sick and tired of hearing some reasons of self-justifications(those which are for humor,i forgive,so don't worry),and sometimes,none at all.

I try my very best to pull on a good mood for others around me and i just swear,nothing fucks me up more than another person being bent down and fucked by mother nature AND then trying to get me into that orgy.Orgies are kinda interesting,but i'm NOT at all interested in emo-fuck.I already have to listen to fucking assholes who don't fucking manage their fucking finances,i seriously believe i deserve some understanding from others who still think my big ears are wider than Mars.

And why do you think i hardly ever complain about aspects of my personal life,except maybe for a random chip off my block but i still try to make it funny and humorous when i bitch/rant/whine about it,and that i prefer using it as a topic to just brighten other people's lives up rather than screw it up for them?Maybe once in a while a blooper or two,but i get over it!These guys don't!

Those who read and are NOT the ones in my list SHOULD know who they are,and they BETTER not be affected cause to all those who i truly care for,i sincerely want nothing but better for you guys.For the rest who know who i'm talking to,perhaps you can like...Take that huge and possibly gigantinomous step towards making a change in your life instead of being a fucking whiner and go around cutting your wrist?PLEASE??

~Ranting wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

...with koreans who got lost.I lent one my phone and she rang her friend,tried to help,although language barrier didn't help.she could speak english,but...i think she isn't that good at it.

but i wonder if this is already good enough a form of helping..

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

There's nothing like the bed in my room..and at the end of the day,there's always my bolster.And the stars shine down on my pride,as the sisters go running aside...at the end of the day!

ok that was silly..but those who've watched Les Miserables will know what song this is. :P

other than that...life's been pretty ok,things have been pretty slow and easy...i got pissed off at random stuff in my life like the government and horny girls asking for cam(Thank god that happened once.),but other than that..i was pretty much absorbed into things like wu shu and workouts in the weekend,and working 8 - 5 every weekday.

life's a bore,but at least at the end of the day..things are pretty ok.I still hate people shoving their opinions down my throat,but otherwise,as long as they don't bite me,i can't be bothered.well that's it for updates..hope that school in April will be a good new start!

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

I just watched Avatar with my sweetheart and only thing i can say about the movie(in 3D no less!)...

Its really amazing.I really love the graphics and everything that happens in the movie is just kinda cliche,but...it was just so amazingly beautiful.No movie i've ever seen,and ever also felt so closely in tune to,other than recent Fantastic Mr Fox...Its also because of its ideals of breaking from what you normally are,and fighting for what you have truly found dear.

It kinda reminds me of my own life per say.I fight and try to get the life i'm trying to get,and this is the kind of movie that both inspires and pushes me onwards,to continually fight and work for the life i want in the future.

Most of all,i really appreciate my sweetheart sharing his 2nd watching experience with it.Apparently its that good. =3

Anyways...that aside,Happy 2010 everyone!Let's hope that the new year will be good and have less bloodshed,more happiness.

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxKdEw4g-xI

Its been a long time since i've felt inspired.This song just takes the bard in me and makes me just want to do stuff,for coin mayhaps but not a single bit of cleavage wanted,lest it be a piece 'o' sword buckling and having nein a hand-me-down from yonder pirates ashore.

It urges me to take up mah bolster of luck(...what,i love my bolster!),sniff at it until its done past its prime,and go yonder journey for pieces of gold in me pouch,and a mug of ale from the Dancing Piglet.

Ah...how wonderful ye fantasy world is!

wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

you know what?

I've kind of had it with trying to be nice.Perhaps what i should start off first by stating how my situation became such.

Because of a certain individual,I decided to leave a fandom i really liked being in,because certain said individual has pulled up all kinds of "evidences" that i said,siting that i was trying to be the leader of the fur fandom.I'll explain myself.

In a certain way,yes i was.But i had to do it because no one else at that time wanted to do it.I was busy enough with serving National Service,and since there was demand for furmeet,someone had to do it.

I came into the picture,and i organized furmeets back then.I did it with passion and pride,and it made me feel great,seeing how furs get together and had fun.I also had intentions to let furmeets run smooth without any form of prejudice in it,so when some furs said no "certain individual",i chose not to invite the said individual.

It proved to be my mistake.Said individual got mad,angry and even went obsessive,taking every word i had used previously as though i meant everything i said.Agreed,somethings i said were childish and were in anger,and probably can't be resolved with a simple sorry.

HOWEVER.

things i said AND did not mean the way some intepreted it,that's not something i intended.Explaination : When i say things like "My fur society",how else am i supposed to say it when its the fur society i was in?yes,i could've said "SG fur society",my mistake,i'm sorry.

But to clarify some things with some people,and said individual,i'll explain what i did on a weekly basis after i left the society back then.

Monday - work till 5.30pm.
tuesday - work till 5.30pm.
Wednesday - work till 5.30pm.
Thursday - work till 5.30pm.
Friday - work till 5.30pm.
Saturday - go out with non-fur friend,dance lesson at Tampines till evening.
Sunday - rest at home to get ready for monday.

Don't tell me after work,i have the energy to plot a plan against someone?That and i had my trust taken away allegedly?I almost couldn't trust anyone i first knew at all!I had absolutely no mood to do anything else except to work for a laptop i required for school,and relaxing after 5 days of calling people for money by dancing and sweating for fitness!

If you want to keep using my name and words as YOUR bloody reason/excuse to not take a look at yourself,then too bad for me.Nothing i can do.If you think threatening me makes you feel better,then THAT'S YOUR GAME,NOT MINE!If you think i had the mood to even meet the other new furs while i just left because i wanted them to GIVE YOU A CHANCE,then GO RIGHT AHEAD.If you think i was even bothered with meeting with the furs,GO ON AND ASK OTHERS.You had taken my words and used them against me,but i tell you now,I have no regrets over what i said,it HAD to be said.

And if you still think you're in the right,then..go on.Just do what you keep doing.I promise and guarantee that everything else that happens against you from the time,WILL not be my doing anymore.

I'm done doing things when its always at my expense.I'm tired of seeing wars because i just happen to be at one end.I just want this to end.Can we just stop this already?

You get hurt,i get hurt,everyone gets hurt.
NOTHING SOLVED!

Well..what can i really say?

After quite a long time away from something that i used to enjoy spending time doing,and now coming back to it and seeing positivity around,one can only say that..

It does feel damn bloody good to be back.

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

I hate you,Armored Core..with a passion..

For giving me so much freedom in the game to create mecha the way i like creating them,yet giving me hellacious enemies with impossible ways of creating that are so frigging powerful and hard to fight.

Not that i didn't try.I've tried,but i'm getting sick and tired of it.Life already gives me so much expectation,i'm not gonna waste my fucking life on another game that gives me expectations.

BURN,Armored Core Formula Front,BURN DAMMIT!!

Somebody in this place needs to stop following my life,or trying to,and get himself a new fucking life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y16.....eature=related

how i'm feeling right now.

http://krado.livejournal.com/65745.html

behold,people..The bad things i've done.

And for it,i shall be punished.

SG furs :
Thank you for everything.I won't forget all that we've done together.I'm the bad person all along,and i've played all you people for the sake of hurting someone.

So..don't miss me.I'm not worth it.

Its been quite a while before i've updated my journal.

I'm both glad and satisfied to say that fortunately(or unfortunately for some),I'm STLL ALIVE...somewhat.Just that lately i've been enjoying myself a little too much in Malaysia for my small holiday.

(two weeks isn't short for a holiday,is it?)

Wells anyway...The end of my holiday is coming..Sunday is the day that i'll be back in Singapore,looking for a new motherboard that'll hopefully fit into my computer since i've found it to be the source of my problems,as well as looking for a full time job to last me till next year March.

(Anyone who needs a folfy for a working partner or an employer,PLEASE give me details ASAP.Thank you!)

Okie..meantime i've met up with a good majority of the Malaysian furs here.Thanks,all of you,for accompanying me for most of this trip.I really enjoyed myself here in Malaysia,and i hope that next time i come up,i can be more helpful or less hard to entertain(which i hope isn't what i'm showing myself to be.)

I personally thank Dark Jackal or Canis Enigmas for showing me around via driving and letting me have a wonderful experience of the things in KL.

Then thanks to the M'sian furs : Kaynine,Kyuu,Rex,Chibi and Marvin for meeting up with me.I had a great time chatting with you guys,and if any of you guys ever come down to Singapore,do inform me..I'll organize a meet for you guys!

And now...allow me to enjoy the rest of my trip.Good day,y'all!

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

This i stole from Kyuu Ronso..I'm not sure how to put those proper links,so sorry about it!

1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in 1 word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me?

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

this is the name of the song i have decided to try and make on the game called Daigasso Band Brothers on the Nintendo DS.

This is a sort of game where music lovers can get to play some of the pre-made songs on the game itself,or make their own songs on it.As for me,i prefer the latter since i've always loved music making,and it also makes the music i make slightly more personal since i can't really make the notes out as perfectly as the original pieces..So..

Hopefully one day,i'll put it up onto Youtube,and ask you guys what you think of it.

Of course please don't compare it with the original..The original is a masterpiece in itself,and i respect it with all my heart.

To all castlevania fans out there,to Shanoa~!

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf

Now that i'm here in FA..i can't really post much art,unfortunately..Got quite a number too,but i've got no scanner...so for the time being,do read the poems i've posted up.

Hopefully they can satiate the reading minds if not anything else.

~wuffers from Kai Whitewolf