I've succeeded moving, got 99.9% of my stuff over, have had all my utilities transferred over (most importantly the Internet)!

I've also gotten myself a new computer desk which will take some getting used to.

Got a new internet package, which gave me a smart-plug for lamps (can turn it off with my phone), and two mountable video/security cameras. Which I can also access from my phone, and talk through one of them. So that's interesting.

So much space...

I'm so happy right now. It'd be better if there'd been someone in my life to celebrate this with, but it seems as if that's only a pipedream now.

The Gods have smiled on me, even granting me good weather, time, and speedy connection. I can't ask for everything.

It finally happened. I saved enough cash and built up good enough credit, and my rent got annoying enough that it was far more worth it to apply for a mortgage on a place, rather than continue renting.

So in a few weeks, I'll be starting my move into a condo apartment. Not gonna lie, but I'm intensely nervous, to the point of having panic attacks and anxiety attacks. I'm putting everything I have into getting this place, and if I did my math even the slightest bit wrong, it'll be a Death of a Thousand Cuts from bills and stuff. But I think I'm good, and other people have insisted I'm good.

I wish I could have gotten a bigger place, or a townhouse style one. But living on one income and alone, in a city that hates those who don't hook up with someone immediately, makes it really hard.

But it's happening. I just gotta start packing now. And purging stuff I don't need/don't want/it-belonged-to-the-ex-and-I-was-too-lazy-to-toss-it. LoL

...Or as everyone else traditionally refers to it, Happy Valentine's Day.

I got nothing other than that.

Take time for yourself, if you don't got anyone. Treat yourself. Be nice to yourself. Be happy for others.

So this past month, despite all my extremely careful and attentive actions to minimize me contact with people and to sanitize myself and my surroundings so I wouldn't catch Covid... I caught it.

I caught it at work. Presumably from someone who was asymptomatic, or who was sick but didn't KNOW they were sick. They probably touched something in my work area, and despite my attempts to keep sanitized, a place where contact was all but unavoidable. I only knew I was sick with something when my throat felt like I'd inhaled a bit of dust and my tonsils looked a little swollen. Company policy is immediate doctor visit, which in turn required a Covid Test, because anything regarding the respiratory system, they don't want doctors to get within pool cue distance of you lest they get sick. An entirely reasonable precaution, to me.

So I got the test. I expected negative. Told my family I'd taken the test, and to be wary just in case.

3:50 AM, I got a text from AHS. Positive for vanilla-strain Corona. Immediate isolation.

So I spent two weeks unable to leave my place. I couldn't even leave my front door because building isolation requirements were 'stay the hell in your place, and call us if you need garbage disposed of'. Again, entirely reasonable, and I'm so glad my building is helpful like that.

I never got very sick. I had a bit of an annoying cough that could get a bit violent. Had a bit of a stuffed head, and the dust-in-throat feeling. I got off very lucky.

My dad and my sister both caught the virus, no doubt from me, because before I went to get the tests, before I knew I was sick, I'd visited family. I'd kept myself separate from them, cuz...well that's who I am. I tend to sit alone, and sit at safe distances these days because you just NEVER know. Even if I hadn't been sick, I would have tried to keep my contact with them down so they wouldn't catch something if I WAS carrying. Which... I was.

Dad stayed in an isolation hotel to protect my mom, because her health hasn't been great since the car accident. Ironically, she's the one who did the best out of all of us; it never touched her.

Dad just had violent coughing and fever. I think they said he had a variant.

My sister got a variant as well, but it hit her like a freight train. She got ALL the symptoms you read about, short of a visit to the hospital. It kicked her ass up and down for 2 weeks. I think it still might be kicking her butt right now, but she's feeling mostly better.

Eventually I was 'safe' enough to come back to work, only to find that in my absence, and because of my infection, the majority of my crew was put on quarantine leave too, either to protect their health, or because they'd tested positive too. We're only now all getting back to work.

A few days after I got back to work, a friend in the Pharmacy tracked me down and had me sign up for the Excess Shots list. It's a list they have when they make appointments for people to get the vaccine; people make appointments and cancel all the time, and the pharmacy does NOT want any doses to be left over to go off. So if they can, they set up with employees who need shots, and get it to them. So, by the next day, three days after I got back from quarantine, I got my first Pfizer vaccine shot.

They warned me that because I'd already had the virus, that the shot might hit me more severely. I figured that because the virus's reaction in me had been so minor, it'd be okay.

OH WOW. Was I wrong. The next day, when I woke up, I had EVERY symptom of the virus. LOL. I actually lay there thinking "Oh, so THIS is what it's supposed to feel like..." and ended up laying there for 24 hours, taking painkillers and other stuff to dull everything. Walking was hard cuz my balance was so shot. But it passed by the next day.

So... Yeah. That's been life lately. 75% of my family got Covid, because some shithead or asymptote placed their unwashed hands somewhere in my workplace, and I accidentally touched there and didn't wash my hands in time. Or something.

It's no joke. I could have easily ended up on a ventilator within the first few days. I could have, at any time, had a 180 degree, full downward spiral that might have ended me. I got TREMENDOUSLY. LUCKY.

I swear to whatever deity or immortal listens... If I hear anyone Covid-denying, Anti-vaxxing, conspiracy-spreading anywhere near me, I will break every single one of their fingers, knuckle by knuckle. I will make their world hurt. I have cut FAMILY MEMBERS off my family tree for their belief in that crap.

It's no goddamned joke.

I got the flu shot this year, but it doesn't protect me from the current bugs that I'm probably exposed to on a daily basis.

That said, I am horribly ill with stomach flu, and I've spent almost my entire day hiding in bed.

So I'm just gonna point people into my gallery at specific fics.

Miriya's Pad - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21586608/

Demon Dating - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/28840024/

Looking at my gallery, these are the only ones I consider kinda romantic. I still haven't uploaded a few stories because I'm not done with them (ran into roadblocks a mile high) that would have fit the 'romantic' title too.

But please, enjoy these two. It's all I got right now.

With the posting of Shatterpoint, I realize now I don't have any other stories to work on at the moment. At least none I can complete easily. (still working on the OTHER Sonnya story, but that's gonna take time.)

Thanks again to  LaurenRivers for the title idea. It was just right.

I’ve almost got a story (or a part of one) finished, but I ran into a snag; I can’t think of a proper title. I have a few ideas, but they don’t ‘feel’ right.

Basically, I’m looking for a title that’s succinct, but simultaneously gives the idea of a machine pushed to its breaking point, but also of a person near their breaking point. Like, some kind of stress point. The only things I’ve come up with so far have been:

1: Critical
2: Overload
3: Breaking Point
4: The Incident at Lowland Burns (that’s where it’s taking place)
5: Tested to Failure (or something like that)

I’m trying to come up with better ones, maybe using terms used in sword-making for a blade that still needs to be worked on, or one that is potentially brittle if not treated right or something.

If anyone has any ideas, I’d totally take them under advisement. If there’s one I like, I’ll definitely credit whoever came up with the title. LoL. My brain is kinda wracked, thanks to work and Xmas garbage, so in-depth, philosophical title making isn’t working that well in me.

I guess it's a good thing I've migrated most of the stories I wrote on Tumblr to here. It might not be the best environment or audience here, but the way that other site is self-destructing...

I'm going to wait it out, and keep posting there...but not gonna leave all my eggs in one basket.

I'm thinking of making an Archive Of Our Own account for my stories, but I don't know what it's like there in terms of audience and vitriol. Can anyone tell me if it's a good idea?

I'm kinda hoping that if I post there, maybe my stuff will get read more than it will here... but that's a lot to hope, right? LoL.

Tumblr was great for my writing self-confidence. Reading the tags of those who reblogged my stories always made me happy. Probably the best part of my day.

Gonna be uploading a bunch of the short, prompt-based stories I wrote.

I wonder how many will recognize them from seeing them somewhere else?

Finally got around to changing a bunch of story descriptions, or adding to them, really. Edited the Miriya's Pad description to...actually have a description! It's simple, but it works.

Now I'm trying to think of the next thing to write. Still figuring out other characters, but I have some ideas.

Probably the one thing I hate is having the itch to write, but not having an idea unfold in my head. Even for a small scene or something. Just...nothing.

Ever get that? You have a bunch of characters, you know they interact with each other, you want to SEE that interaction...but you can't for the life of ya come up with a scenario to see them do anything. It just ain't happening. The Stars aren't aligning, the Time is not Right, Dread Cthulhu hasn't yet Risen, and Mountains are still just an illusion and are forbidden by the City Council. (points to those who get the last one).

I've tried a few scenarios, but they aren't flowing right, and they feel like they are taking the characters out of context for the sake of just having them do something. Not a thing that makes me happy. I'm debating on whether to ask people to float me scenario ideas to see what perks my imagination, but I feel that's kinda a cheap way out, and the person who suggests something might not like the thing I end up writing (cuz I might take it an entirely different direction).

On another note, I did some tag-hunting to see how long it took for anything of mine to pop up in the Search. Holy, man. Some of the more specific tags, I never even had something surface, while some of the basic, common tags had my stuff pop up on random pages. Did a bit of checking and found out that the Search is not time-based descending/ascending. It's literally just a grab bag of everything that has a particular tag. On the first page of a search, the first three items I looked at were, in order, 3 years ago, 2 months ago, and 7 years ago. No particular order. Just...shared a tag.

This means that even properly tagging stuff just means your stuff is added to a crapshoot of everything else. My last fic, which was what, a month or so ago? Never even popped up on MULTIPLE searches. Which means it's that much harder to get things seen. It's kinda hilarious actually; I thought tagging things would bring them more to the forefront, only limited by recentness. Turns out that's entirely not the case.

Back to the story stuff... Yeah, I might as well ask; anyone that has a basic story scenario idea (nothing overly specific), just go ahead and PM me. If I get any responses, I'll see what I can do. LoL. Might as well roll the dice. Flip that coin.

I check every few days to see if I get any new hits or comments. No real reason to check otherwise. On the upside, my most recent fic is still gaining hits in ones-and-twoes. Its now almost matching a fic that was out for a full year. Even some of the other fics near it in my list have gotten a hit or two, which is nice!

I just wonder about those who looked. There's no comments, so I can't tell if they liked it, hated it, accidentally clicked it while searching for something else, etc. I'd like to believe they liked it enough they don't feel the need to comment, but I am a pragmatist and a cynic, so I end up thinking it was all accidental, save for perhaps the first dozen. That the only reason I got a hit was because someone was doing a tag hunt and accidentally stumbled on my fic, thinking it'd be something more their taste.

I find myself puzzling over my latest stuff, wondering if I'm just being impatient in writing, or if it makes sense in a way that seems legitimate. Not realistic, mind you, just... legitimate in the way that makes you say 'Oh. Yeah, that flows well. That makes sense for things to go like that.

Case in point: I'm working on a four part, alternative-ending set of stories. Or rather, it's one story, but it has four alternate outcomes. I've broken it down into times of the day: Morning, Mid Afternoon, Evening, and Night.

So far I've written Mid Afternoon, and I'm working on either Evening or Night right now (probably Night, but it takes place starting at sunset).

Here's a question though; How fast is appropriate for a couple to fall in love? Should I permit 'love at first sight' to be a thing? That kind of Ultimate Connection? One of the stories is the start of a relationship, with room to grow. The latest one, one of the characters involved is already past the 'getting to know you' part, and is keen to establish a full relationship right from the get-go. If the feelings are mutual, if underdeveloped on one side of the equation, do you think it's acceptable to have a first date accelerate within the date itself to a farther relationship stage?

I puzzle this right now, because it's the only thing keeping me from finishing that particular path. Because I can't tell if it's impatience on my part to shorten the story, or if it's because the characters themselves would be open to that kind of acceleration.

What do you think, everyone?

...Sorta. LoL.

So, I've been working on some stuff on the side. Been following a Writers Prompt blog and started writing little short stories based on the various prompts. I'm actually kinda pleased with myself for it; normally I hit a really huge writers block, but this is a good way for me to get around it.

None of those stories are going to be featured here though; they don't suit the theme or medium of the site in any way, and since I have no place to put them, they're going to stay where they are for the time being.

I finally got tired of seeing certain things in my gallery, since my gallery is so small. I didn't outright delete them, but I did shove them way the hell into Scraps, because frankly, that's where they always belonged.

I am no artist, and never will be. So stuff that I personally draw will always have a level of anxiety and embarrassment on my part for not being actually any good. I'll just stick to writing, and occasionally, when I have money, and the Stars Are Right, and Lady Luck has graced me with her presence... I'll commish work. I won't repost it, but I'll definitely link it into works that I do. I have this...thing...about reposting something someone else made, even if it's made for me.

I know everyone kinda does it. You find a character in some show, comic, anime, or something like that, that you like, and you latch onto them. You grow affectionate towards them, like pretty much anything they're involved in (so long as it fits your own personal world view), defend them from criticism, etc. I've known people who have dedicated themselves entirely to a character, to the point where they've started transferring their personal behavioral wants and needs onto a character, to make them even MORE appealing to them, while becoming hostile to anyone who points out those traits aren't actually there.

I don't disparage that someone can be effectively in love with a character. But it really bothers me when someone's hubris gets so in the way that they believe that they are the character's match, that were they to be in the same world as a character, or that character in the real world with them, that they would be 'together'.

I wonder if any have actually asked themselves "I know I love this character, this person...but would they actually love me BACK?" And be truthful with themselves. Even if the truth hurts. It's one thing to love a character from afar, but entirely another to assume that, were they a real person, that the character would even feel an iota of affection in return.

What if you DID get the chance to visit your favorite waifu/husbando in their world? Or them to you? Would you be prepared for them to turn away, to turn down your love, because the story they're from, the show, the game, specifically says they love another, who is NOT you? Would you be prepared for them to reject you out of hand because you literally are nothing like what they want in a companion? That for all your swearing of love, it'd never actually be because they have no interest at all in you, or worse yet, are actually repelled?

I wonder...

I only ask this because I hear people talking about them all the time, but I know that, while I have characters and such I'm fond of, I would never put myself in that mental position. I could see myself, in those story worlds, where those characters exist, and realize I would be just a background character of no importance to them. To give into such hubris as to think attraction or affection would be returned is...well, it'd be downright painful, wouldn't you agree?

When I write stories, none of the characters really represent me at all. They're just characters. I don't like doing personal self-insert stories, because when I portray myself...I realize how I would not be liked by the other characters: characters usually of my own creation, no less! So I can never picture a story or show or whatever that has ME in it, not just a character, but the ME everyone thinks they are, where things go exactly the way I want them.

You won't be the hero of the story, supplanting the canon one. You won't be the one to win the main guy/girl's heart, because it's already written they are for someone else. You won't draw away that shy character from their interest in a central story character, and you certainly won't be the one to defeat the big bad boss and have everyone praise you.

Maybe this is just my way of saying I really don't like how everyone turns themselves into Mary Sue/Gary Stus in self-inserts, or in regards to a waifu/husbando situation.

And now I'm just rambling.

So what do you do when you write something that, while you'd love to share it, you just know people are going to have adverse reactions to it, whether it is eyerolling or getting angry or something? What do you do when people might think you're writing about THEM when you're not doing that at all?

And if any of that happens, how do you deal with being called melodramatic or depressive, and deal with people not understanding?

Lately I've been trying to respark my inspiration via any means neccessary. I've just been feeling too mentally drained to really work on anything. The one thing I have had no real problem with writing out is the various dreams I've had over the last year (doesn't really number very many of them, honestly.)

I tossed one of those more recent dreams up about two weeks ago, as an experiment. See if anyone would read it. And yeah, I know; no one comes to FA to READ. They come for pictures. Unless it has a catchy thumbnail, no one will stop and read except your most loyal followers. And the randomly curious.

Here's the question; Should I keep tossing up these...Dream logs, I suppose you could call them? Should I toss them up to be read, or just not bother?

Just trying a new avenue to fire up braincells that are so tired of being wasted.

Guess I owe some people an update since I kinda went silent for the most part.

Things have gotten easier, and there were lots of changes made. For one, I got a new car to replace my aging SX 2.0 Neon. Now I no longer fear having a random breakdown.

I'm also pretty well recovered from...well, lots of shit. I actually feel a lot better now.

Still working the same old job, but at least my spare time is my own. Kinda been focusing it into Guild Wars 2 and the occasional writing spurt. Still can't draw for crap, and my models are now 4 projects behind. XD I need to buy about $200 of new paints before I can continue THOSE. And learn to work my airbrush.

So yeah. I'm still alive and stuff.

Well, as it always does, I've aged another year. Not much to say about this one; I'm in a new place, on my own, doing what I can and trying to figure out how to advance my life in some way and not fall deeper into a 'holding pattern'.

Cuz if I get stuck in that pattern, I don't know if I'll be getting out of it this time. Took some pretty weird shit to pull me out of there the last time.

No, I don't mean Xmas, or 'OhgawdIgottaloseallthisweight' time.

No my friend, I mean 'It's my Birthday coming again' time.

31....31! Holy Hell I feel old. I cringe when people ask me how old I'm going to be. Those who don't know me well enough think it's going to be like, 28 or something. On a nice day, even less. But the look in their eyes and on their faces when I say 'Thirty-One', right before they cover it up with a smile and an 'oh that's not too old...' Yeesh...

I'm crossing my fingers.

Even after all this time...

I put my Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann series on the top shelf, to give myself time away from it so I could watch it afresh someday. That was over a year ago.

Granted, I see videos on youtube and such, but I skip over them, simply because they aren't nearly as epic as the show they mimic. With a handful of exceptions that is.

Today though, I watched (once again), the last battle scene from both the series, and the Gurren Lagann-hen 'fixed' movies with the extended and enhanced final battle. And it never fails. That last fight, there's always a moment of pure awesome that brings a manly tear to my eye that I can never explain.

Pure.

Epic.

Awesome.

That's all there is to say about it.

Well, my birthday has come and gone. My closest friends remembered what day it was, and we did awesome shit on it. Even went to see Dinner Theater done to the theme of Corner Gas. I meant to update my age here earlier, and post a specialized post about it, but hell, I just didn't have the time to get around to it.

What gets me is that, without some kinda prompt (Facebook not withstanding, as that let a bunch of others know too), no one HERE knew it was my birthday either. Short of a few old friends shouting on my wall as they gained FA accounts, in the past year I've recieved next to no actual PMs or messages.

Granted, I haven't exactly been posting much or...at all, really...

*cough*

Yeeeeah.... ANYway...

So yeah! Birthday! I'm 30. I'm qualified as an old man now. Girlfriend got me a dream journal. Actually started using it. Hehe. It's covered in clocks, so I kind of feel like a time traveller recording his journeys.

Still working on my WH40K stuff, so I should have some new pictures available to see... someday. Maybe I'll post some of the custom weapon stuff I've been working on as well. That'd be cool.

I'm not big into holidays like this. I celebrate Xmas and New years like everyone else... but in the last decade there's been no soul to it for me. I don't get excited. Instead, I try balancing my expenses with my earnings, so that I can buy my girlfriend at least ONE gift. (luckily this is a GOOD year, so there's lotsa gifts!)

So take my yuletide wishes, and think what you will. If you want to believe I'm a super perky happy Christmas loving person who's heart is all about the season, then think of me that way. Please, do!

If you wish to take me as another cynic who just tries to make it through the season without screwing things up, then I'm that too.

And if you think I don't really care... well, then you can believe that too.

Really it's a combination of all three, while being none of the above, while also being choice Z678-b3A. LoL...

I'll probably not really be on anything other than Xbox in the next week or two. Got some nice games to play, and I hear that I'm getting a few more. Not to mention Space Marine came out with some new stuff, so BOOYAH!

Got so much to do.... games to play, chores to do, and stories to write. Yes, I'm back to writing, though I don't have anything worth putting up yet, and I don't have any smut. I think I kinda burnt that part out of me a while back. It's kinda the crispy part of my frontal lobe. Plenty of action-oriented stuff still available though. :D

Anyway.. yeah. Happy seasons, all. See ya...whenever!