ive got plants to start making physical merch for sale, and will be expanding on making things yall will wanna get c:


plans in mind currently:

- wearable horns
- dragon eggs
- crystal gardens in a jar
- prints (this may take some time to make the art for)
- and fake spiral horn gauge earrings that give the illusion of being gauges but peirce like a normal earring


this will just be the starting products, that each will be hand made by me.

i want to explore making products that i dont have to spend days on so i can make a bunch and sell them at leisure.
PASSIVE INCOME.
thats the aim. so i can still make money while working on my owed art. so im not perpetually stuck in the loop of making things to sell then barely having time to squeeze in my old owed stuff.
its been like that for a while and i hate it, my artistic integrity demands that i be able to catch up on EVERYTHING
and being able to spend a few days making a bunch of merch that can sell whenever. i feel that may help me in a way ive been needing desperately.


and if i find this sucessful. then ill widen my merch inventory. make more prints. offer a broader variety

today i picked up my car from the mechanic and HOBOY was jiffy lube lookin to screw me. two of the parts they said i needed apparently i DIDNT need and i was able to take those back and get 20 back (not a huge deal there, but jiffy lube wanted to gouge me for over $150 for those parts)

the car is set but he DID suggest that in the near future i look into replacing my brakes


tommorow i am to go get inspected, possibly emmissions, and get my 2 year tag stickers


after that, im done. all finished. nothing else to do.
ive done all my packing, and all there is to do now is wait for june 17th


i was a little dissapointed though that i didnt end up having leftover from the loan. i thought id have at least 400 spare but other things came up this month that i had to do so im only really gonna have maybe a smidge under 200, and thats gonna go straight to bed fixings, a bathroom shelf for all my shit, and groceries when i move.

i was gonna dump the spare money back towards payin off the loan to minimize the interest but hey. IM JUST happy that i didnt run out of the loan and got to get all my buisness squared and not be in the negatives <3 <3

in just a smidge over 3 weeks, its so close now

ive bought all the car parts i need for the repairs and just have to wait till the last wheel bearing comes in. should arrive in the next 2-3 days
after i get the final part i gotta wait till mid next week to get it in to the mechanic and then after THAT i wait a few days for him to finish, then i pay him . then go get emmissions test done, and go get inspected. THEN i get my 2 year license plate stickers. so supposedly if im fortunate, a few days before the 30th i should have the car road ready and SET.

then on the 31st im being submitted to a sleep study to find out why the hell i dont sleep right.

after that? done. all my affairs are in order.
i got my car
i got my back diagnosis
i got the paperwork from my therapist about my mental health conditions
might have a answer for my sleep troubles


ill be set to go during the week after june 16th.


so ill be able to make the move, reapply for disability, and just go from there!
everything is set into motion. its all been planned and layed out.

im ALMMOST THERE yall

i want someone who is skilled enough that a weight reduction editing of a photo can be done skillfully.

im gonna be starting a diet when i move and i want a inspirational goal photo to work towards.





anyone?

today has been amazing


1st-
i got approved for the 2k loan from my bank and my friend is going with me tommorow to be my co-signer so ill be set for the repairs!!

2nd-
the same friend told me my 2 grand estimate from jiffy lube was SUPER costy and he knows where i can get the parts cheap and knows where i can get my car fixed with the parts i bring in.. so YES

3rd-
after 9 years of searching. dozens and dozens of doctors. i FINNALY have a diagnosis for my back!

i have spinal arthritis, Degenerative disc disease and Sciatica

and now with that, and my therapists official diagnosis of PTSD, General anxiety disorder and depression
as soon as i move next month ill be reapplying for disability. with confidence!

applying for a 2k loan with my bank.

LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS

so i misinterpreted the price he meant on the tires, and good news. got all 4 replace today for $216
THANK FUCK.

i also decided to get a quote for the other things and i got some....less than stellar word

http://tinypic.com/r/2rzxf03/9

adding labor costs on top im looking at closer to 2 grand



all i was able to afford and do at the time was replace the front wheelbearings which ran me about $300
so i spent about $500 today.

which means i still got alot more saving to do.
this is posing to be a much bigger hurtle than i thought..i just dont think i can do all this in 2 weeks

so i was told the wheel bearings were bad, and i had a bum light. i considered those affordable fixes, and even bought new lights online and installed them myself to save on labor cost.....but boy was i naive.



a friend of mine pulled a favor with a mechanic friend of his to evaluate my car. and there is alot more work it needs than i knew
he wrote me this list
http://tinypic.com/r/14npy7p/9

its blurry. but the things i NEED done to pass inspection:

the 4 tires are mandatory to pass inspection and them alone will be about 500+
so is a reallignhment
passenger wheel bearing
and possible exhaust redo
those HAVE to be done in 2 weeks else i have to pay for ANOTER months worth of temp tag, costing me almost another 150+



im plumb fucked here. i can work some magic in a pinch but this is BLAZINGLY beyond any miracles i can pull off. i need some serious help guys..
i might be looking at 1-2 grand. on TOP of the funds ive been working on raising with sales and bargains.

i dont like peddling for free aid. but any belonging i had i could sell for fast cash i already did, ive sold console, ive sold jewlery ive sold games and a gecko and taken WAY more art than i can handle and im getting backed up again.

if there is anyone that can help or knows anyone else that is generous and could help too. i have a impossible mountain to climb and i could use their or your help.

>< -bows-...anything at all helps..


PAYPAL - Artemis_Zuurenkai[at]yahoo.com

so a few nights ago, something happened to my corel painter 13. so i had to buy a new art program and its the same corel, just the 2017 version so its a bit samey, but also different so i had to spend a few days learning this new layout, setting up my custom workspace and relearn all these new brushes and replace the ones i used to use. so it will take me a short time to get myself resituated



also, because of thsi unprecidented spending i am OPENING the $50 sergal offer again untill further notice. i HAVE to come up with 500 dollars within the next 3 weeks. mandatory.

i gotte get 200 for last months rent that i missed due to having to get the art program.
need 100 for my car inspection
need 100 to buy a few parts for my car that i can save money on labor by just fixing myself
and im sure the actual auto repairs will be around 300-400

ive got 300 in my account right now, so the other 500 woould get me up to the 800 total




so by all means. SERGAL REF ME AWAY
and also keep an eye out for some random adopts and the shadow lurker and the other speciese im starting



(also)
if you want to help me towards my goal before my temp tags expire. ID LOVE YOU FOREVER

paypal - Artemis_Zuurenkai[at]yahoo.com

just a teaser


im making another special speciese that ill make alongside the lurkers that co-evolved to be foes.
more coming soon

okayso

i dont know HOW i managed it, but i sprained my shoulder blade in my sleep a couple days ago.
could barely move, and breathing HURT.

i woke up to a blast of excruciating pain in my right back side and could move just enough to get my phone and call a few people for help. nobody was home or near a computer to look up what may have been my issue

i couldnt get out of bed i coudnt breath, so i hadd to call an ambulance and i went to the ER.


im on pain killers, anti infalmmatories and in a arm sling. and currently on doctors orders for bed-rest for a week. when i cant raise my hands above my eye level right now so im needing assistance moving, getting up, dressing, and undressing. i need 2-4 times a day massages of the area to move the lactic acid buildup in the area.
i cant really do much of anything right now except sit n watch videos or movies. i actualy had to go to a salon today to get my hair washed since i cant do it myself at the moment

typing is dificult to do unless im sitting up, so my primary means of talkng right now is voice calls.

and no. i have NO IDEA how i managed to sprain myself in my friggen sleep. i wish i knew how too.
im just THAT good at sucking

im in b--

no typing mu-h

injury


voic only

hurt

no moving

you try to comment on a journal of an artist you watch and you have no idea who they are but your blocked???


??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

its that time again

what to expect!


-BONES
-goo/tar/oil/muck (ive not decided yet)
- SO many mouths
- transformation


this lurker will be very versatile, and unique in that it will be customizeable by the owner in appearance. certain features will be interchangeable at the owners whims and makes for tons of room for creativity!


to my new watchers, on rare occassions ill create a TOTALLY unique one of a kind beastly monster called a shadow lurker. they are a nightmarish feind speciese of my making that is the stuff of terror! each lurker comes with detailed information about their hunting methods and their abilities. they are highly saught for and i do not use bases. they can range from full ref sheets to a full view peice with a "attack face" expression. these auctions can have a AB as high as 200-300 depending on the labor and "likeability" so i usualy post journals and teasers to get people amped for its official release. a lurker journal signals that work is officialy started on it and it will be donee in days so start saving now!

ive been very quiet the last month, and when ive spoken its been in turmoil. for reasons im not going to disclose, im packing up my things and throwing myself to the wind once more.


i didnt come to the decision easily, but come mid june, im leaving lusby Maryland.
a close friend of mine has made a buisness deal with me and ive come out of it with a Car of my own. a 2001. the following month im going to spend getting tags on it, and obtaining insurance. it needs repairs before its street legal. there is alot of financial work that will have to be done to get this car going but thats my aim and i got two months to do it

my mental health has been staggeringly frail, and ive not touched my tablet in a while. ive not done much else than lay in bed. but starting tonight, im going to be posting content and sales and working on saving up for my car repairs, my last two months of rent ive to pay here, and things im going to have to buy for my new place. im stayin here till my birthday on the 16th. ill be leaving on the 17th.

i want to say again...that im sorry my shit is so out of whack that i keep having art delays. when i move, ill go back to my regular work schedual and start posting regular work again.



if you can spread my adopts around at this time, it would be enormously appreciated. everything i can sell from here til mid june is important and helps me tremenously.

thank yall for your reading time

even if i feel like it in my stomach



i promise nobody has been forgotten.....

that have a house/appartment and lookin for a roomie?


just prodding

you dont have to read this.


i feel like im fuckin loosing it. there is just way to many things going on, and my mind is screaming and sleep is a sporadic nightmare veiled as a gift, ive not left my bed in days and i almost considered getting a piss bottle for myself today just to avoid getting up. i picked up a pot of rice the other day with my bad hand and now its in furious pain. sewed my wrist brace tighter to keep my hand even more still. money my god, i prostate myself before the computer and labor for its blessing of bounty. silence is deafening in my head, my thoughts are going faster than i can take. every morning my pillow reeks with sour anxiety sweat, i spray it because it will take too much time for me to gather the willpower to wash it properly, but today im gonna do it. i cant clean the thoughts in my head so ill instead clean and make order around me with tidyness and scented bullshit. damn this physical body that requires food and drink, headaches and dizzyness the prompt to finnaly get up and consume. it feels like a chore, i spend a few days working up the energy to go shower, can of dry shampoo my savior. im going to laundry today. im going to clean today. im going to vaccum today. scented candles giving me the illusion of peace and cleanliness, ill burn that wick to its metal base core. i dont want to sleep, im tired. i dont want to sleep im tired. i want to sleep, i cant. i keep getting raped in my nightmares, and i wake up to feel the cold clammy hands still grabbing me, forcing my body to dance a loathed rhythm. i feel my muscles ache from clenching from dream injuries. my body remembering the glass shards that were never there, but the pain is. my dreams want to kill me, and in wake i almost wish i could let them. therapist i dont know how to intake..her conflicting messages confuse the chaos even more. i dont know what to do, and now im confused about what to do about not knowing what to do. you shouldnt have to pay for suffering. im not recovering and i feel guilt. im wasting the time of anyone whos supported me, i want to say thats the depression talking. but is it??surely everyones getting tired of me by now, eventualy they want results. i dont give results, i give failure. i cant do this for long, i cant be like this. composure is most important, dont be like this for too long. bleed out the suffering fast and discreetly, patch up. and put on your sweater. the long sleeves stained on the inside and crusty from flakey scabs, it itches. god it itches. fake it till you make it, have your little breakdown. make it quick, but get back to life. it wont wait for you, there are no breaks. im just word vomiting, because puke makes you feel better right? when your sick and you dont feel well you hurl, and then you feel better. or at least less sick. so im gonna let my brain vomit as much as i can. id rather not do it here but if i just wrote it out and deleted it it would feel like a dry heave, and nobody likes puking only to get nothing out. sorry im puking on you, i just went back up and gave a warning not to read this, there. maybe that will be enough so i can say i tried to spare some readers. i swear im not usualy this unstable, too many things happening at once. im usualy better than this. better at coping. im getting bad, and i went off my depression meds for a short time, so i need a few more weeks to work it back into my system. i hope ill calm down then, im just one person. i can only do so much of this. i hate myself when i break down this way, ive been damaged for a long time i feel like i should be better at this by now.



TL:DR - you dont want to read it.

plus side tho, doctor gave me pain pills today so maybe i can draw now?? a teeny victory, ill take it.




also, gonna try some kinda online mock jury job?? takes two days to be approved, will see what happens

the appointment was some days ago but ive been succumbing to a bad depression hole, i gotta get on here and write up a final journal on the matter though



i set up an appoiintment with a doctor, and i had intended to ask to have it surgicaly removed. but a few days before my appointment i was called by schedualing to be informed the doctor i was sent to see didnt take my insurance, so they were going to swap me out to see another one of their doctors. i said it was fine, and when it was my day i went to the doctors office with the same intentions to get it removed and get on with my life

so. here is what she told me

she said that unless its a huge gigantic bulge, she wont drain it. and that they arent dangerous. i told her it hurts my hand, and that i dont WANT it drained, i wanted it gone.
she told me she isnt qualified for such maticulous work, and id need a hand surgeon specialist. i said i thought she WAS one. but apparently thats who the other guy was that i was trying to see in the first place but he didnt take my insurance. she said i was still welcome to try other doctors.
i told her that i have free healthcare through the state. that its very basic, and its never covered me when it came to specialists and asked her what else i can do

she told me i just gotta wait for it to be huge and bulging outta my hand, and i can come back and have it drained.

...so...nothing is to be done about my hand. i cant see a surgeon, i cant get it out. i just have to learn how to work through this pain too and just..draw regardless of it.

no regaling conclusion to this journey. just another medical wall i cant cross.
just more..chronic pain to have to ignore..

i guess once my depression hole time is up, ill go back to my normal artwork routine
see yall then...

i called the vet about my gecko, and told them what happend and they considered her critical and said to bring her in immediately, so i rushed her in and was seen pretty fast

she is HELLA not happy
bit the fuck out of my finger
but shes been irrigated, swabbed, got some kinda lazer treatment, and antibiotics/pain killers
was too late for surgery
its not an ideal situation
so im keeping close eye on her, medicating her, and to keep her VERY clean
the vet was understanding of my financial situation, so the whole thing was 200 even
he says its possible she may need more lazer sessions or meds
but for now, we just playing it by ear

i was just checking again on my geckos bulging abcess cause im trying to keep a close eye on it, and i saw there was gross stuff clinging to her vent, so i assumed it was poop so i gave her a soak to try to clean it up but when it wasnt washing away i tried picking at it to peel it off, but turns out its crap oozing out of her vent cause HER FRIGGEN ABCES grew so large it exploded inside of her vent hole, so there is now an open free exchange between this open wound and her butthole


her appt isnt even till the 24th, and that was the soonest i could get her seen and there isnt alot of exotic vets around here


if your animals condition gets bad, can you get rushed at the vet??? will they see you faster????

Khaleesi has another abcess..APPARENTLY WE ARE TWINSIES



i vaugely remember the last surgery being like $200-260 so thats how much i gotta pull together for her. her initial evaluation is covered, but the following surgery is what still needs pulling together

her eval is next weekend (not this one) and as for a surgery date, it could be ANY time after that so, halp gecko??

usualy id do some kinda sale or something but ive only JUST today was able to schedual my own evaluation of my hand.


note me if u wanna help my chubby ladies surgery fund <3

that this fucking peice of art doesnt have more views or faves
like shit

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/202.....#cid:127582429

the other art is fucking rad too

STILL waiting on my refferal to the hand surgeon to go through.....


*sssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhssss*

cant basicaly draw shit rn. its gotta be growing in there cause im having less and less range of motion lately




btw, update
i misheared. its not gangrenous. its a GANGLION cyst. so, a lil less terrifying
yay my hand isnt rotting

and are you not on THIS list here
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5494555/

i need to re-organize my shit and i want to be sure nobody gets forgotten