Alright. Long time before I shared anything about me. If you can't tell I'm more of a lurker than anything else. I'm going to try and change that.

So much has happened since my last journal...5 years ago! Jeez. What the hell man?

Anyway, after so many jobs and junk to happen I landed one that I think I'm going to be a lifer at, at least until my Full Pension date in 20-ish years. I am currently working in the support staff of my county's jail. So glad to not be an officer and I have seen stuff both to boil your blood and break your heart. I got a supervisor position and am actually enjoying the added responsibility. Not going to lie, the pay increase was absolutely a factor in the decision-making process, lol.

My mate's job is back on track. They got kind of screwed over with the onset of Covid lockdowns and restrictions. Couldn't work in their career field cuz they were shut down! But interviews were done, and they started their new job a few weeks ago! Wahoo!

Also good news: I am in the works of getting my student loans paid off! After ten years of sending money off to "The Man" (my loans were through the Dept. of Education...ughhh) I can finally bask in the feeling of not having that monkey off my back and their hand off my wallet! Not that I have anything against monkeys; just people who want to take money from me.

All-in-all it's looking pretty good so far. Just one more thing and I might be as good as I can realistically get: a D&D group going again. First I need place to actually play but that might just be a detail if I get right down to it.

Here's to all of you who read this! Hope life's going as good as it can for you! Wishing you the best!

I recently started a thread on FA's forum so i figured i'd post the info here. Basically I'm looking for input from the community at large. I'm writing a story and in the process an coming up with religions of the basic anthro races. The canine races follow a Nordic inspired religion based around the Divine Pack. The Divine Pack encompass all of the canine races so I was looking for some ideas for gods and goddesses as well as what they could represent or control.

The thread in in the Writing and Prose section called Canine Pantheon.
http://forums.furaffinity.net/threa.....theon.1623026/

So its been over a year now since I moved to Omaha and I feel that's too long to have that downer of a journal up on my page. Since moving I have had two jobs and I really like the one I have. Computer and personnel issues aside the job itself is interesting and the people I work with are generally pretty cool. I miss the friends I have made throughout my life that I have moved away from physically but the internet and other modern conveniences allow me to still keep in touch.

Another big hurdle is telling my family that my spouse and I do not plan on having children. They asked my spouse but have yet to talk to me directly but we have that same answer so I guess its no big deal. People keep saying things like 'your an only child' or 'you parents will never be grandparents' and the like but I think those are horrible reasons to have a child. We have two cats and they keep us on our toes as it is, I can't even think about what a tiny human would do!

That aside, life continues on. Bills still need paying, work still needs to be done, new responsibilities need to be learned. On the plus side I'm gaming again. I'm running a Star Wars game set in the Old Republic in the Outer Rim/Wild Space far from the Republic. A little Serenity, a dash of the Magnificent Seven, a smidge of...well...any war move and the rest full of the Star Wars we know and love. Only two sessions but I'm hopeful it goes on for a long time.

On a side note: I can't wait for the election to be over with. I'm tired of the negative adds and mid slinging. If you believe all of the news there is no candidate worthy of my trust, never mind my vote. But November is still a long ways off so I better hunker down and just ride it out.

I hope all who read this are doing well or at least have a plan in place to get better. I've been kind of all over the place and have not been able to pursue everything that I would like. That being said I have been working more on my story and I have more chapters done. They will be posted as soon as I get around to revising them and then getting around to posting them.

I wish you all well and I hope 2016 is a great year for you!

Have you ever had a day where nothing really important, memorable or life changing happens but at the end of it you suddenly look back on the day and something in your head says “get ready, I’m going to kick your ego so hard your stomach will feel it”?

Well it happened to me today. I’m packing up the apartment getting ready for my move next week to Nebraska when suddenly I stand up after moving a box to a different room and I ask myself “you’re going to Nebraska, yes, but where are you going?” What direction is your life taking? What are you hoping to accomplish?

To be honest, after ‘unpacking’ I have no earthly idea what I plan to do. Get a job comes to mind but after five years of ‘find a new job’ I’m starting to feel a lot older than I am. I’m thirty years old and I think I’m beginning to hit a point where I understand the whole Mid-Life Crisis thing. Granted I don’t feel the overpowering need to get a motorcycle (which would be really cool actually) nor do I feel the desire to cheat on my wife or anything remotely close to that, but I’m finding it hard to get excited by anything. Nothing is catching my attention, my imagination, my drive to make something better or better myself.

I have tasks that need to be done in the day and for the most part I get them done. The ones that ‘need’ to get done do. Still, I find myself searching for the purpose behind it all. What goal am I working toward, what greater scheme if fulfilled by my daily actions. I feel a weight on my heart that I don’t know how to ease. My head feels heavy but I don’t know how to keep lifting it up every day. I know I can because I’ve done it every day that’s come before this one and I’ll continue to do so for as long as I can, but I don’t know how I do it.

Is it stubbornness? Am I just unwilling to admit that I have no idea what I’m doing? Is it fear? Am I just afraid that I’ll hurt the others who depend on me by doubting myself? Maybe I just don’t want to say that I’m disappointed with myself.

You know I think that’s what it is. I’m disappointed with myself because I’ve done all these things with my life, had all these great experiences, but I’m not where I think I should be. Nowhere near where I think I ‘should’ be at this point in my life. Or maybe I’m disappointed that I had what I wanted in life and I let it go. I think I know what I want out of life and it’s not the high paying job or the big important position. I just want to find a job I can devote myself to with coworkers I like and go home and see friends who generally get me and I get them. I want a life that I can be proud of and defend to others who ask “is that all you want to do with the time you’re given.”

I don’t know, maybe I’m not sleeping enough or I’m getting lonely being in this apartment by myself for so long. Maybe that’s the biggest problem. I just don’t know. Maybe it’s the uncertainty that’s screwing with me. Another move, another city, another job, another whatever that I can’t control or predict. I guess I’m looking for meaning in what I’m doing, not just get task one done and move to task two.

Anyway, I won’t find any answers by feeling sorry for myself. These boxes aren’t going to pack themselves. I guess I’ll go take a shower and get ready for bed. Tomorrow is another day and I still have calls to make and junk to put in boxes. I’m near the end, it’s just a lot of stuff that I don’t really know where to put it. Plus a lot of stuff that can’t be packed until the very end.

Has anyone else been here? What did you do to keep your mind from climbing the walls or going stir crazy? Is this what going crazy feels like? Because I didn’t walk into a town where Jayne Cobb is a local hero so I don’t have a point of reference. Any help would be great!

Packing sucks, it reminds you of all the crap you have that you forgot about. Granted we threw away or donated a lot of the stuff we don't use anymore but still its a lot of weight to move around. Now, some will be asking "why are you packing?" That is an excellent question. We are moving again. This time we're moving from the (somewhat) arid skies of New Mexico to the green and probably tornado infested lands of Nebraska. Omaha to be exact. Its only four hours to out old stomping grounds and our families are ecstatic.

This is by far the largest city we will have lived in and it will be an adjustment. Almost a million people live in or around Omaha, not sure on the exact distance they uses to make that calculation. We've been living in small towns compared to that, only 30,000 to 40,000 people. On the plus side, maybe we'll find something to actually DO rather than a movie theater and watch TV/play video games. Don't worry, we'll still do that, but maybe I'll actually go outside and catch a Frisbee or something. The jackrabbits here are too fast. Working out again might be in order now that I think about it.

So its goodbye job and what meager friends I've made and hello moving truck and cardboard boxes. How I've missed you. Still, I feel more hopeful about this move than the last. I'm looking forward to the sights and amenities and being closer to my family. Its been fun seeing the world, or at least the world that exists inside the continental US. True I haven't started a 'career' yet but like the good Shepard Book said in Firefly: "The journey is the worthier part."

Everyone needs to calm down. So some rich guy on Duck Dynasty said homosexuality was a sin. It is his right to say such things. It is also the right of the company who airs his show to not agree or like what he said. A lot of blame can go around and around in this one. “He should not have said it”, “the company is too worried about what people think” and so on.

Yes, you have the freedom of speech. You also have the responsibility to accept the backlash of what you said. You don’t think so? Just ask a police officer or politician. People just can’t wait to judge or get offended, but reverse the situation and now the offended ones are wrong? It goes both ways.

I have a message to all the Christians who speak out against homosexuals. Note what I just said: homosexuals. I’m talking about the people. Just because your religion says its wrong doesn’t mean someone else’s religion says the same thing. The United States was founded as a place for freedoms. Some freedoms came sooner than others and we still fight over yet others, but the Freedom of Religion is in the First Amendment of the Constitution. The US has so many religions in it it’s hard to list them all. It’s our responsibility as Americans to allow the open and safe practice of religions in our country.

If you do not agree with this I say to you: you are not an American.

I have heard almost all of the arguments for and against homosexuality. I say almost because new ones are made every day and I’m not omnipotent. I call myself a Christian. I believe in God, his son Jesus, in the Holy Spirit, in the Saints and angels. I also believe in the Devil, his demons and their realm Hell. I believe evil and good are loose in this world. I believe we define what type of person we are through actions more than words. Sometimes words are our actions and sometimes actions are our words.

I will quote from the Bible now and I’m not sure if it’s the King James Version or whatever, but I believe it is the core of what it means to be a Christian. The verses are John 13: 34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

I think it’s pretty clear, but it might be too hard for some people. So I ask this: if you can’t love them, then at least accept them. If you can’t help them or be friendly, at least leave them alone and do no harm. They are just like us. They want the Inalienable Rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Who are we to stand in their way?

This is a shout out to all furs who do or have ever worn the uniform of our nations armed services. No matter what branch of service, your sacrifice is greatly appreciated. As a son of someone who gave twenty years to the Air Force, I understand what the families go through and just what goes into a military career. You guys deserve more than one day a year for everyone to say thank you for all you do.

So to all vets, active duty, and reserves, thanks and God bless you and yours.

I was once that person who said "I don't need the internet to have a life." That was before I moved. Going almost two weeks with only my meager access through my cellphone was a nightmare. Now that I have my full access back I realize how much I've come to depend on it for information and entertainment.

So now I go forward, more enlightened and a little ashamed of myself for becoming so dependent. Then I think of what I can do with it and say "oh well."

So I dropped the bomb on everyone: I'm moving. What really sucks is the distance, from Nevada to New Mexico. To leave behind a city I spent the last three years in, working, living, eating, laughing, and now crying in is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was only three years but it seems like a lifetime.

But I find its not the job or streets or the city itself I hate leaving. It's the people. I met Calafin, Naketa, and Takumori here and they very quickly became the greatest friends I've ever had. Then I realize that they have been a part of my life for only a year and a half and now its breaking my heart to leave them.

I realize that I will always have them as friends but its not the same on the internet. I'll miss the flying with them through space on the Greywolf, a ship full of furries and aliens fighting the Imperium and just trying to make a buck. I'll miss Sarge, Thump, Jason, Grin, and whatever Taku's character's name was as we fought through the wastelands of Fallout in a homebrew game. Going to the range with them and shooting whatever looked safe enough. I'll miss the pack of werewolf cubs trying to find there place fighting the Wyrm and Weaver, and not killing each other in the process.

I will always have a place in my heart of these guys and I hope I find something close to what I have with them, but then again I don't. I don't want to replace them, I WANT THEM!

But this is life. As Naketa told me: its hard and seldom fair, but we live it and can only do the best we can.

I love you guys, and will miss you until we meet again.

So I’m new to FA and I was browsing through the forums, so if I’m off in left field or something let me know.

I happened across a few threads that talked about different species and the stereotypes that go along with them, as well as the different personalities of the people who fursuit. I must confess myself disappointed.

With a subculture that is so looked down upon and misunderstood, I expected the group to be more accepting of one another. Instead of support and calm, rational discussions, I found flame wars and “well you’re not so hot ‘cuz you’re a (insert species here), you’re nothing but a (insert derogatory comment here).” Maybe it’s just all in good fun, but some of the comments really fit that bill in my opinion.

I understand that, at our core, we still mistrust those not of our ilk, no matter what species we claim. Suiters select fursonas because they like them, they identify with the animal. They also don’t select others because they just don’t see the appeal, which is also understandable. I would never be a rabbit but that doesn’t mean that rabbits are bad or flawed in any way. I just don’t want to be a rabbit.

But also at our core, we desire acceptance and belonging, to be trusted and to trust. It’s fine to express individuality and personal taste. That’s what it’s all about, but to cross the line and label someone by a stereotype and nothing else seems a little…well…racist. If I had only followed the ‘common knowledge’ of furries as sexual degenerates and esteem challenged escapists I never would have met the amazing people I have.

I’m an outsider. True, I’ve helped friends make suits and gone to a Con (FC ’13 was a blast), I still consider myself on the outside of the window. Yes, the window is wide open, but you get the idea. My friends in suit hold my hand as I take my first steps into this world, and I am disheartened to find that there are still bigots here. I somewhat expected them to get checked at the door, or at least keep to themselves. If the culture as a whole can’t accept itself, how can the world at large?

I will continue my adventure more reserved now and I hope to foster the idea of viewing individuals as just that: individuals, not ‘just another member of a set in stone caste.”

I will be attending the Biggest Little Fur Con in Reno, NV this weekend. I will try to talk to others there and get their views on the various species and learn more about the culture’s ins and outs. It promises to be interesting at the least and I hope to not offend anyone.

Wish me luck!