x-mas has passed now.. had my sister asked for me and dad to go hers over for x-mas dinner..
it went good had some fun.

tommore going to Cremation place with my dad to get all setup for my mom to be Cremation.
i'm ok but still mess with sleeping some.. just my gut still giving me some trouble with feeling like eating.. try force my self eat normal amount i do during day.

My mom passed away today on Dec 21 Fri.....
i'm bleating mess and my dad is to.

for 11 days my boyfriend came down to my state, had so much fun and love.
on other note my boyfriend got me used 2ds xl so now can play 3ds games.

my b day today

2 days now till fawn day.

seem like going fast but at same time not looking like going fast. 8 days till now.

be 35 in 10 days.

sad news to hear Sudan the last male northern rhino that passed away from old age.

I'm deer and now after few years let polar bear me back in world,Bear been in shadow,the cold and block from sun light to just lock away memory's,feelings but the always came to surface no matter what i tried push in to deepest part of my soul.
I tried keep face i'm ok but yet i keep crying,sad,broken even face from all my friends to... sorry only way kind had thought of dealing with lost of my boyfriend o so many years ago in real life...his lose broken me down to just raw sadness still have't gotten over still because every time i seen happy couples it made me think of what i would had but truth never going to happen now.. it grow pit of my own making just made me burrow bear that was me in to it just lock away to move away from broken down grizzly i was...just over time being locked away from light my fur fade to white than just stayed that way from all hope and love i had lost due to his death...even more fact he was younger than me at time he past away he was 27 i was heading to my light 20's when it happened.
forgive me for these journal just huge vent for me like always.. getting stressed so much one family member these not been helping my mood and last night bullshit on sl with people trolling on voice chat made me very upset and down right pissed to wanting use tool blast them out of sim but i used keep my self from doing it.. the not worth trouble.

I came across these film on youtube called" The King of Tibetan Antelope" it's base on true story.. damm movie will get you crying alot and i read all comments about it well i can i love story of about some hoofers.

i thought share these to all pig,swine and boar furs.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-g.....051327953.html

one day i dread during these month ...Valentine's Day.... never happy day for me so that day heading in deepest dark spots of woods to sleep there away from memory's of pains on that day had deal from time i was fawn to butten buck days... i got ignored as i was so nice give everyone card that day when i was in school if class did it.
that memory stings still to me along with all breaks ups before it.
i try to do nice things than all blows up in my face... world like means,crappie people way it seems to me.
i'm shatter buck with all fragments scatter all to winds,sorry if get emotionally talking to damaged buck has fucking damm abandonment issues ...

song somehow makes me feel good and silly.

weather been kind dark,bleak on been making me bit of emotionally mess, before that i kind been feeling numb in emotionally by a bit.

i went to bed early last night than woke few times during still dark out than went back to sleep than woke few times during daylight now...i don't know if awake or sleep.. just because everything to me had no emotionally feeling at all to anything...seem like one huge void of nothingness...also did't help it was overcast and windy outside.

I had long draw out fight with my mom about kitty was passing away she keep saying she thinks it's dead told here no can't still moving.. than i come find out she want me take cat away put in my room...i told her cat picked that to died because cat love her wanted near her before it's death.. than she keep calling and calling me to to remove cat.. told her no than she fucking say i did't wanted to do it.. told her to shut up than left room... than called me again on intercom on phone to tell me if i ever did that again she hurt me and have me throw out of house.... That dumb ass of my mom forgets i'm one she bugs 24 hours 9days of week to get her snacks,dinner and anything she dose't want to due to interferes with her tv watching or sleeping.These is't first time she threaten me about kicking me out over something she did't get her way.I can't leave my dad to long with her because she run him in to ground...she already run me in to ground last year when was bedridden from push to much on me for two months.
these year gotten from bad to put me out of my Misery.... two crappy years back to back... these year was car problem and last year was me stuck in bed for two months.

Well Tuesday late we got new car more like used one from friend of friend of my dad's friend a truck ,We still have sort title stuff before can change it out to us so got temp tag now,First time in two months i been out of house Wednesday went to walmart but had bit of jitters and ran in to pole with cart in building just trying remember stuff need for house.it felt so good get out of house release me of months of cabin fever for me i felt free away from house for short time.
I was at stage 30 of cabin moose fever omg i was about go bounce off walls!

Well my dad has gotten better from last few days but on other hand my mom been going overboard with her bull laziness and stress me out to no end with here always hungry late at night with fighting her about she has eaten dinner and had lunch as such.
She making my legs hurt so much more with these and pissed me off to point i can't sleep so nights.

today had call 911 to get ambulance get pick take him to Hospital and later today my sister going come pick me up and go with her to see my dad.

between few weeks stuck with wifi on my main pc due to Ethernet cord getting chewed and broken.... than trying get my dad just order new cord toke even more weeks,replaced cord but still having wow troubles with lag from blizard server.Now on top of that lost my sl land now i'm at emotionally point it feel like i try to be good but still get shited on by bad luck.

i'm buck just having bad time yet again like last year....

Sonic Mania for PC has Denuvo software slow your game down or do some damage so best wait till it been removed.

Had pump for water for house go out last night than today radiator for car busted now with bloody hurricane..