I made a placeholder on the username Zira- and I forgot what email I used to do that.. damn.

Fuck fucking fuck fucker fucking fuck FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK my fucking life!

Why does it always come down to money..? and my lack thereof?

Brick shitting biscuit eating fucking bastard donkey balls BILBO BAGINS..

in other words..

fml

go away

I'm going out-of-my-fucking-mind-bat-shit insane. Everything is ahead of me now. I'm watching my life like I got out and neglected to put on the brakes and now it's speeding down a hill and I'm powerless.

Fuck me, where did I go wrong?

Days are getting colder and time is still flowing past, leaving me lost in the midst of this place.. I know how I got here, now how do I leave.. I can't do this alone, but what do you do when the one you need is lost miles away from you..

Pooled in the eddies of life's river..
All we have is our dreams...

Gave myself a tattoo, prison style. Ruined a good white hand towel, got more ink everywhere else on my skin than where intended, and now I know what I'm doing. Ink pen and a sewing needle. And no, it was black ink, I just felt like quoting shawn of the dead.

I hate being a hopeless romantic..

It kinda hurts

Wow time gets ahead of me...
I can't believe it's been so many years...

I.. just overkilled my playlist of Dubstep DnB and Hardstyle... my brain is shouting at me like "NO U, FUCKER"

...ow....

So much delicious awesomeness..... I can't stop, even though it hurts...

Stolen from  true93.

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No .

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages/comments you and asks. And believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming... things are not exactly as they seem.

3. It is harder than it looks, but NO explanations !!! You will want to... but don't!!!


Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? ---Yes
Been arrested? ---No
Kissed someone you didn't like? ---Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? --- Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? ---No
Ran a red light? ---Yes
Been suspended from school? ---No
Experienced love at first sight? ---Yes
Totaled your car in an accident? ---No
Been fired from a job? ---Yes
Fired somebody? ---No
Sang karaoke? ---Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? ---Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? ---Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? ---Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- Yes
Kissed in the rain? --- Yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? ---No
Seen someone die? ---Yes
Played spin-the-bottle? ---Yes
Sang in the shower? ---Yes
Smoked a cigar? ---Yes
Sat on a rooftop? --- Yes
Taken pictures of yourself naked? ---Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? ---Yes
Skipped school? ---Yes
Eaten a bug? ---Yes
Sleepwalked? --No
Walked a moonlit beach? ---Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? ---Yes
Dumped someone? ---Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? ---No
Lied to avoid a ticket? ---No
Ridden on a helicopter? ---No
Shaved your head? ---No
Blacked out from drinking? ---Yes
Played a prank on someone? --- Yes
Hit a home run? ---No
Felt like killing someone? ---Yes
Cross-dressed? ---Yes
Been falling-down drunk? ---Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? ---Yes
Eaten snake? --- Yes
Marched/Protested? ---Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? ---No
Puked on amusement ride? ---No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? ---Yes
Been in a band? --- No
Knitted? ---Yes
Been on TV? --- No
Shot a gun? ---Yes
Skinny-dipped? ---Yes
Caused someone to need stitches? ---No
Ridden a surfboard? ---No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? ---Yes
Had surgery? --- No
Streaked? ---Yes
Taken by ambulance to hospital? ---No
Passed out when not drinking? ---Yes
Peed on a bush? --- Yes
Donated Blood? ---Yes
Grabbed electric fence? ---No
Eaten alligator meat? ---Yes
Eaten cheesecake? ---Yes
Eaten kids' Halloween candy? ---Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? ---No
Peed your pants in public? ---Yes
Written graffiti? --- No
Still love someone you shouldn't? ---Yes
Think about the future? ---Yes
Been in handcuffs? ---Yes
Believe in love? ---Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? ---Yes

..I think part of me is Irish..

...

.....yeah....

No really, someone tell me... I have no idea where I'm going anymore...

I lapse in my writing.. perhaps I should do something about that.. perhaps..

.. I always draw better during the wee hours of the morning when I've had about 10 cups of coffee three or so hours before.. O_o

Expect to see the first sketch of my actual character sometime soon.

I hate going through thousands of submissions at once.. it makes it look like I don't pay attention to the art I'm watching.. which, some of it I didn't, I'll have to admit. But I literally had almost 2k to go through, can you really blame me?

So I've lightly scanned and favourited through about 200+ submissions, I normally don't have such a high amount of faves all within a few minutes of each other. And I'm going to be spending the next . . . while . . drawing, possibly very pointless (bad) crap, but I know I'm not bad at drawing, I just need much more practice. Don't expect to see any of it unless I particularly like something, like that smut I drew before.

So of course my isp would have effed up when I wanted to be on and talk to people last night. Of course >.>

And now you see, my journal has magically been changed.

Smashing!

*Edit:
I have to be honest, for some reason I have the strangest urge to go fly a kite.

Tagged by  animalfellow

001. Name → LC
002. Nickname(s) → Jack, Ketoni,
003. Status → no f***king clue o_O *confused*

004. Zodiac sign → Western: Libra, Chinese: Ram
005. Male or female → Male
006. Elementary → Bingham
007. Middle School → Carver
008. High School → Kickapoo
009. Smart → sure whatever. I'm not egotistical

010. Hair color → Brown, dyed black
011. Long or short → long
012. Loud or Quiet → Having fun loud, yes, loud music, yes, loud Tele's and loud children, NO
013. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans

014. Phone or Camera → I fail to grasp the question . .
015. Health freak → Not really
016. Drink or Smoke? → an occasional drink is nice
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → . . . sure?
018. Eating or Drinking → Who needs 'em.
019. Piercings → Yes
020. Tattoos → Not yet

FIRSTS:

023. First piercing → ear
024. First best friend → Casey
025. First award → Lame elementary school shit
026. First crush → I forgot her name . .
027. First pet → Lady? My dad's siberian husky I think.
028. First big vacation → A weekend in New York, NY
030. First big birthday → Don't care to much for celebrating another year of existence. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate life, I just don't care how long I've been here.

CURRENTLY:

049. Eating → Air?
050. Drinking → More air?
052. I'm about to → . . .
053. Listening to → air
054. Plans for today → Sleeping, cause I'm ill.

YOUR FUTURE:

058. Want kids? → Not for now
059. Want to get married? → . . *shrugs*
060. Careers → Art / Art Instructor / Creative Writing

WHICH IS BETTER WITH OPPOSITE SEX?

Uh. . . poof? O_o

WHICH IS BETTER WITH SAME SEX?

068. Lips or eyes → eyes
070. Shorter or taller? → Not like it matters . . . but it's nice when they're a little taller. ^_^
072. Romantic or spontaneous → A balanced mixture
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → Washboard! O_O
074. Sensitive or loud → Yes, balance, please.
075. Hook-up or relationship → Uh, once again, fail to grasp the question.
077. Troublemaker or hesitant → Troublemaker >:3

HAVE YOU EVER:

080. Lost glasses/contacts → Yea
081. Ran away from home → Once
084. Broken someone's heart → I'd hope not, I don't think so.
085. Been arrested → no
087. Cried when someone died → Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself → Yes
090. Miracles → . . I suppose
091. Love at first sight → I believe you could spontaneously fall for someone, but I wouldn't always call it love.
092. Heaven → some deviation of the sort
093. Santa Claus → Hah!
094. Sex on the first date → murr
095. Kiss on the first date → something's wrong with me

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Yea, but now I'm not sure which one it is.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → Heh, no.
099. Do you believe in God → Another deviation
100. Post as 100 truths and tag: I should be specific, that way people actually post, but I don't think I care enough. .

*tags everyone reading this*

Right, I'm really starting to lose my patience for my isp, I've gone for about a week without internet and landline phone because the modem's been giving out. I don't know what the hell is wrong with it, but it constantly appears to be resetting itself without being able to relocate the internet connection.

RULES:
1. Put Your itunes, windows media plyer etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name
5. Want to give a try? live your life

Are you male or female?
Anything But This ~ Static X

Describe yourself!
Sleepless Beautiy ~Daisuke Asakura

What do people feel when they're around you?
Mixed Media ~ -sl- (Yes I have your music on my iPod)

Describe your current relationship.
Flawed Legacy ~ Martin ODonnell

Where would you like to be now?
Perfect Enemy ~t.A.T.u (Um, okay . . .)

How do you feel about love?
Melting Noise ~ Daisuke Asakura

What's your life like?
Your Star ~ Evanescence (once again, huh?)

What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Enigma ~  nyghtwolf

Say something wise.
Orbit of Glass ~ Martin ODonnell

If someone says "is this okay?" you say,
In The Nursery ~ Praxis (Lol)

How would you describe yourself?
Ecstasy (Club Mix) ~ATB

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Never Die ~ Creed

How do you feel today?
Terranigma ~  lord_meatball

What is your life's purpose?
Stiff Kittens ~ Blaqk Audio (wtf?)

What is your motto?
Sweet Sacrifice ~ Evanescence

What do your friends think of you?
Snuff on Digital ~Blaqk Audio

What do you think of your parents?
Better Man ~ Pearl Jam

What do you think about very often?
Minority ~ Green Day

What is 2 + 2?
Beyond The Void (Club Mix) ~  darkfoxceo17

What do you think of your best friend?
Everything Was White ~Demon Hunter

What do you think of the person you like?
To Go Beyond ~ Enya

What is your life story?
Chauffeur ~ Deftones

What do you want to be when you grow up?
{Lazy Summer Days} ~ cornandbeans

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Tear's Don't Fall ~ Bullet For My Valentine (O_o)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Getting Away With Murder ~ Papa Roach (lol)

What will they play at your funeral?
Blind Game Again ~ Bad Luck (From Gravitation OVA)

What is your hobby/interest?
Breathe ~ ?? (Well I do it everyday)

What is your biggest fear?
I Don't Belong Here ~ Klaus Badelt (The Time Machine OST!)

What is your biggest secret?
Dragula ~ Rob Zombie (uh . . . wha?)

What do you think of your friends?
Friend or Foe ~ t.A.T.u. (Funny, I try to remain Switzerland)

What will you post this as?
Blackbird ~ The Beatles (OMFG I LOVE THIS SONG!)

Where is it that you go, in times when you need to escape? Is it a physical place? Or something mental, a pleasant memory or invented "happy place"? On most occasions I can seclude myself within my room, listen to some good music, or even begin writing some new story ideas.

When you're a writer, where do you go to find escape? Are you cautious to immerse yourself within the writing of others, fearful of stealing too many used ideas and losing your own insight? Sometimes I begin to think so, it doesn't stop me from reading, but I'm always self-conscious when I read, trying to weed out my own ideas from things I'm merely borrowing. But is it a bad thing to borrow such ideas? It's one thing to mimic the writing style of another writer, my opinion would be that there's no harm in such a thing, but a good writer would borrow from the writing styles of others, while adding in a little of their own charisma, melting it together and creating there own methods.

As always, when I emerge from my wallowing in the creativity of others, I feel inspired, but as I said, it can be difficult to sift the borrowed from the truly inspired. On some occasions I can just begin to write about things that have nothing in common with what I emerged from, in other moments, I want to plunge immediately into creating fan-fictions and the like. As do I feel write now, sitting staring at the cover of a book, barely a week old, that I've just finished.

I nearly had a panic attack earlier today when some of the protective film peeled away from, and took some of the cover with it. I was almost halfway through with the book, and the cover artwork was so beautiful to me that I nearly flipped, seeing a large space of removal, replaced with a white nothing. I managed to tape only the offending piece of film back on, matching up the colours and lines, leaving a mere bubble on the artwork where there was once nothing. (I was lucky that the tape was of good quality and completely clear.) I hated myself at that moment, I had been so protective of my new book since it had arrived in the mail, and at that moment this morning I had failed.

Though now, mere minutes after closing the book, looking at this 'bubble' again, I realized that books, as well as a lot of things look a little better with wear. The gap in texture where the film was, the bubble, and the tape lining the edges of the covers gives the book character, as well as the white crease marks from trying to read text so near the spine. I finished this book and my eyes were wet, I can't exactly explain why, and never did a tear leave my eye, but ending the book, it was so beautiful. I can't even recall the last time when I had neglected everything else in order to keep reading in such suspense, eager to know what happens next, and I will admit there were fair instances of light romance that kept me reading on. I was as much into the drama of the characters as I was into the suspense of the plot line.

This is one of the moments when I feel inspired, yet in this inspiration, I feel detached. I think about my own attempts at writing, and I think of how much I would want my readers entangled into my words as I was with the words of another author. Suddenly large gaps appear in my writing, things I may have been too naive to notice before, but I want to keep writing, now more than ever. I want to improve, I want to make better, I aspire to give the feeling of immersion to my readers. Will I accomplish it? Probably not soon, I'm still young considering my writing, and I have a long road ahead of me. I'll keep writing as always, though to write detached is an impossible feat, no, not impossible, just often fruitless when it comes to attempts of good fiction.

In such states, however, I love to philosophize about life and it's occurrences, and sometimes the wake of such moments is very fertile for writing. Even now, writing this in a detached like state has led me to rambling and I struggle to find an efficient form of closure to this rant. Will I find it? I could if I just drop it off and leave it hear for the reader to chew over what I've said, slice it open and digest it. Which I find efficient enough, so I leave, to return to other things. Blessed be.

~*Could it be possible that my rant took me nearly an hour to write? I feel as if it couldn't have taken more than a few minutes.
~*I have to admit, the conclusion leaves much to be desired, but I would have been hard pressed not to begin rambling about unrelated things.

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

After several months of inactivity, the last one undoubtedly due to the prolonged outage of FurAffinity, I have returned! I've posted a new story for you all to read, at your leisure of course. I know, it's been a little over three months since my update of Desolation with part 2, but I assure there will be a part 3 soon. In the meantime I encourage that you read and comment/critique my new story. Right now being probably one of the worst times to upload it, being the time at night and the flood of furgeeks who have been mentally salivating for the return of FA and their outlet to post media, will undoubtedly push my submission quickly from the front page.

I had a dream last night. It wasn't really a nightmare, though it was close it was more like a bad trip. I was kidnapped by some weird guy, I can hardly remember his appearance, and he kept preaching to me about how me and the rest of my scum are tainting the planet etc. (gay/furry idk) And then he was talking about how he wanted to kill me and whoever I'm associated with by his terms, and at this point I'm naturally scared because he's been pointing a gun at me the whole time. We walk into this guys front room and for the first time, I speak, "Why?" He shoots me square in the forehead, i fall backwards some how roll-over mid-fall and land limp with my head in the seat of a yellow-mesh recliner. At this point you'd think I'd wake up, I didn't. I'm not dead either, and I can't feel any pain from my head, though I can see the seat being stained with my blood. Now, I'm lying in an uncomfortable position though trying not to move and stay dead so he won't shoot me again, because gods only know why I'm not dead yet. However, he must have realized from my breathing or something that I wasn't dead, and the oddest thing. Instead of shooting me again, he throws a towel at me and tells me to clean up my mess from my blood. At this point is when you start feeling detached and I knew I was dreaming, which is why when I reached down and dialed 911 on my cell phone, I never sent the call because I knew I was asleep and was afraid I might actually be holding my cell phone. (Kind of like sleep walking) At that point an ungodly loud clap of thunder woke me up and that was the end of the dream.

Uh

. . .

OH SHI-