He had to pay. The ones he killed suffered greatly. He was directly responsible for the death of them both. Or was it my fault? Maybe it was me. I DID watch them burn. I watched as the flesh melted away from bone. I heard them both cry out. The pain they must have felt... Eyes, black holes full of pus. Now empty. Nothing maggots would touch.
Anyways, it didn't matter anymore.

I was intrigued by his "style". Or, well more like his shirt. ;) The CLEAN, WHITE, silky material in particular. It stood out in contrast to his sweaty dirty skin, and his long slightly matted black hair. Fuck! How damned spectacular that shirt would look covered in his own blood. I flirted. So pathetic. " This one would be easy!" Well what I meant was
I would have no regrets.

I locked the metal door. A cement pit with nothing but a small steel barred window, a small cement bench, and the dead. Both of us alone. In the middle of nowhere. Ohhhh, how he cried and cried. "Why do you cry so dammed much?!" I shouted at him. No response.
Did he cry for the ones that he hurt? Or was it me? Maybe I had cried? They COULD have been my tears. Did I cry for the ones I have hurt?
I did not taste any tears... But they should have been mine. My tears, my blood, my poison, my pain.
After a while he had become so desperate for nutrition. Of course without food the body begins to shut down. You look for anything to sustain yourself.
I found him sucking on the remains of the dead. Chewing desperately on the dry brittle bone. " I am sorry, those bones will do you no good. Please put them down. You make my insides turn." I no longer found him even slightly attractive.
He picked up a skull. He licked the empty socket that used to contain the man's right eye. My jaw dropped.
I remember that eye, clear as day. I would never forget.
Though of course i watched them as they burned. Beautiful blue eyes, turned hollow. Pus to follow. Nothing but empty black holes they have turned.
He cried yet again.

He had been good. He begged to leave. It was his time, and he had waited so long.
He stretched his fingers out of the only window in this dreary, unholy place. His finger tips then removed. By the 1st digits. How sweet they bled.
I watched him bleed. I watched as he continuously repeated his pathetic attempts to remove the sturdy steel bars from the small moss covered window. Poor guy. I cried out for him.
I just wanted out. I had been so dammed good. I looked down at my blood stained white shirt. "I will surely starve to death in this place." I said to him. And he cried yet again.

I bent down, sticking my face directly into his. I needed to reassure him. He was in so much pain. "You will be safe. I promise you. You will never have to leave this place. I promise you. You will never hurt again." I no longer cried. Everybody is safe. I stayed in my cement cell.

I am scared. I have been gone for so long

hows everybody doing?
I miss you all. :(

https://secure.join.me/663-150-781
blah. its screen share.

Some people just LOVES to bloat bout how they "snagged" some art from this or that well known guy on FA.

But what about these young insecure artists?! THEY are the ones who need some praise, criticism, and definitely a tiny bit of extra cash!

And if your one of these artists on FA with 1000 plus watchers.. who only watches and responds to their fellow "superb" artists... show some respect. Try to make some time to give some advice or crit to the new artists.

You weren't born a star. You grew to the "level" you are right now. Hard work, dedication, criticism, drive.
AKA. Don't be an ass.

:(

Blah!! Im now old.

Easy for you guys to saw "go to the doc". Me, i just want to rest.

I feel my brain is "no good" either. Maybe i'm just going to die soon. IDK.
I feel pretty content with staying at home to pass. Though the constant pressure in my head makes it hard to rest, i will get over it.

Went back to the ER. They did MRI or whatever the machine is. I hated it all. Was very annoying (and plain awkward) to be poked and touched around by so many complete strangers.

They gave me pain medication, even though i stated 100 times that i don't mind the PAIN. But the pressure in the back of my head, and "soupy" feeling of my insides is not very pleasant.

They also gave me meds to coat my organs and protect them.
That's all.
No meds for the pressure, or the "soupy" feeling of my damaged insides.
I'm not taking the meds.

Fuck it. I'm staying home for now. If i pass away at least it will be a respectful death. Alone in my own room.
NOT in an ER, standing around or laying in public.

They sent me to the ER. But i refused care. Ill have to make an appointment with my reg doc asap. In lots of pain.

https://join.me/405-503-522
Click to join me.

I need to get the hell away from them. No choice because im moving into their basement permanently next week.
I need to either rehome my dog or put her down right now or something.

Last night I slept over the house i will be living in starting next week. I noticed my sick elderly dog had seizure that night.
I shut the door to my room for the night. Woke up to my grandmother cussing. Then i come out to find my elderly dog crying outside in the freezing rain.
My grandmother cleaning up the dogs poop, yelling at my dog bad and shut up ECT.
She beat her and yelled at her, for most likely having a SEIZURE and defecating, because she cant control her body during them.

I let my dog inside and cleaned up the pop. She was so scared of my hand when i tried to pet her!!!
While telling my grandmother that accidents happen with dying dogs. and to be nice. she said "im not going to be nice."
I cant take this! I wish i could leave right now and never come back!!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4673138/
Please check out her art.. its freaking badass no lie!!

About 5 hours ago.
I feel like shit. Ugh. :( Im also nervous.

:/ JUST right now. Looked more like a stroke to me. She kept the right lip all the way up for some time after it. Its scary. I just wish she was healthy. No dog deserves seizures or strokes.

Shit, i do.....
well. Ill be getting you the art done! And then not taking anymore art trades or commissions till i get my head of straight.
If your upset i understand :( I suck.
Feel free to PM me.
Im in real debt AND art debt. -.-

<3
Though her UTI does suck :/.
I cant take her to vet because they want to vaccinate her. Shes too weak for it right now. I REFUSE. I dont care if it means i dont insure or register her! Im working to keep her living as comfortably as i can! And i WILL break the law for her if i have to.
hhaha, break the law for liberty....
ha... :P

Other than the UTI, shes looking a lot better.
Wish her luck!

yup. :/

I think that the lights where so magical that i had to record them....


Obviously im a little special in the head.


I feel so damned sick, 16 hours later. Why is it all catching up with me just now...
work tomorrow is gunna suck...

Also a drag queen named willma dickfit danced on our table and it broke. She fell. -.-

Damn straight!
im kibafang90

Today was a long day. Went to work, then doctors, and vets.
I am 5,5 on the dime. 107 pounds.
I am now on meds.

Liberty is 77.1 pounds. And she is also now on meds. I pray they work. So she can be in less pain for now.
Results come in on thursday.

Exactly how it went.

Me in bed with my dog undressed.

Me laying in bed with dog: "Your just being good cuz i have cookies."
*Waves cookie in front of my sniffy dogs face. Hears the door creek shut.* *Gets out of get and opens door.*

0.o There she is on the other side staring at me while im undressed. Awkward...


Completely.. awkward...

On many levels..

Everybody keeps yapping about it. And im bored and its like 4 am. Where do i play it? Links?
Ill open a screen share while playing!!!?

Got this from It's the Fetish Meme!

Anal on Males: Im female.. Anal is not my thing..

Anal on Females: ...........

Breasts: Are beautiful things.

Breast Expansion: No.

Weight Gain: No.

Bondage: Most definitely.

Clothing: Can be very sexually appealing.

Leather: ...........

Stockings: ............

Shoe/Boots: ............

Suit and Tie: ..............

Muscle Male: Obsessively muscular people are a complete turn off.

Muscle Female: .......

Cub: No way in hell. Sexually mature people only, thank you. -.-

Baby/Diaper: .........

Transformation: No.

Macro/Micro: No.

Impregnation: No.
Pregnancy: No.

Lactation: No.

Anal Vore: No.

Soul Vore: No.

Cock Vore: No.

Standard Soft Vore: No.

Standard Hard Vore: No.

Paw/Foot: Feet can be beautiful body parts.. or grotesque ones.. :/

Incest: No.

Clonecest: No.

Yuri: Sure.

Yaoi: Sure.

Straight: Yes.

Bisexual: Yes.

Girly Boys: Sure.

Butch Girls: Yes.

Mind Control: Situation specific.

Rape: You know it.

Uniform: No.

Orgy: No.

Subbing/Doming: Yes.

Biting: Fuck. Yes.

Solo Masturbation (Male): Sure.

Solo Masturbation (Female): Sure.

Scat: No.

Inflation: No.

Fat/Pudge: No.

Tech: No.

Watersports: No.

Glasses: Are simply things that go on your face.

Tentacles: No.

Oviposition: No.

Masochism: Yes.

Sadism: Yes.

Partial Nudity: Can be sexy, yes.

Gore: Depends.

Snuff: No.

Hyper: No.

Zoophilia: No.

Electricity: Depends.

Cross-dressing: Ive never thought of cross dressing in a sexual manner. I cross dress myself at times. Suits.

Oral: Oral sex? Yes.

Asphyxiation: No.

Wet-look: Water? I dont find it particularly sexy... It can be fun.

Mud/Quicksand etc: No.

Sinking: No.

Spooge: Cum? I have no excessive attachment, or "fetish"... Though i do enjoy the taste of it.

Tickling: Yes. Its very fun, playful, and exciting.

Algolagnia (Pleasure derived from physical pain): Positively.

Balloons: No.

Body Hair: Im not really attracted to it, nor is it revolting to me..

Body Modification (Tattoos, Branding, Piercings, Scarification, etc.): Maybe.

Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc.: Maybe.

Collar and Lead/Leash: Yes, big fun.

Cupping (Suction of the Skin): Yes.

Doctor/Nurse Fetish: No.

Ears: Can be fun to play with.

Feathers: No.

Guns (Gun Play, Worship): No.

Hair Pulling: Fucking glory..

Lace/Lingerie: Is clothing.. Clothing can be interesting sexually.

Massage: Yes.

Master/Slave: Yes.

Role Playing: I do Role play a lot. I tend to speak with body language alone. So role playing helps get my "emotions" through to others.

Wrestling/Fighting: Yes.

Well, that's all!

This ones going to be the end of me. -.-
And now, ive come to realize it was all just some crazy fantasy.

its just to far gone.
Im afraid there will be nothing left.

I wont beg. I wont cry.
Ill just fade away now. Ill just die.

Why!???!!
I rise, just to fall!?!
Go ahead and take it all.
Yeah, just take everything of me.
And here i truly thought we could be..

What a fool.

I forgot not to love..
I forgot im here to hate.
I forgot, im only allowed to hurt.
I forgot why i never wanted to feel.

And i felt like i might actually have a chance to heal.
I forgot im only here

Im sorry. Ive just given up with gimp and all.
And im feeling very depressed.
I was drawing in gimp doing well. and then 2 or 3 hours in my picture just turns white.
Gone.
I pressed undo 4720480 times. Nothing.
All of the light colored fur in gimp turned white.
Gone.

Im done.
I cant take it anymore.
This is the 3rd time.
If i cant figure this problem out. Ill return commission money to people i owe it to if you want.
I just cant have this keep happening.

Unless i can figure this out. Im done.