It has been about a year since I was last here. Everything is kinda of blended together. I have stated my career in the culinary industry and have been putting my life in order. Its crazy how time just flew by. I haven't drawn anything since I left, I just lost all inspiration and I hope I can get that back. I think I'll take some drawing classes to get back into the swing of things. haha it seems like I'm out of practice.

All-in-all I'm just happy to be back with the fandom. ^_^

So how was everyones last moments of 2010 spent? I ended up missing it thinks to an extra long shower. At least I get a clean start this year. XD

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:15720071

If I knew to how use paypal I would so totally help out. If anyone could walk me through making an account and how to use it, please let me know I really want to help.

Oh I just can't wait, this is my first MFF. ^_^


Where are you staying?
The Aloft

What day are you getting there?
Friday afternoon, unless I can take off of school.

How long are you going?
all 3 days

Who will you be with?
Foxy Chan and Savvy

What is your gender?
Female

How old are you?
16

How tall are you?
5'6

What suits will you have?
don't have one yet... :(

Do you do free art?
only for friends

Can I touch you?
as long as its appropriate.

Can I talk to you?
definitely ^_^

Can I take pictures with you?
sure, just tell me first.

Are you nice?
I'm a lovable little wolfy ^.^

Can I stalk you?
maybe if your cute... Heehee

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
Sure, Orange flavor Ramune. I would love that!

Can I hug or snuggle you?
I love hugs, snuggling is a maybe.

May I ask you for a Dance?
sure, just keep it clean.

Do you like parties?
mostly.

Can I talk about/do drugs in front of you?
I would prefer you not to.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
just call out my name or tap my shoulder. just don't sneek up behind me.

see you guys there ^_^

This past Wednesday my Favorite Art teacher and mentor was shipped off to the middle east to fight in this godforsaken war! August 16 was the first day of school and was the last day we saw him. He had been up in Wisconsin training and waiting to be called out for his 400 day tour.

Mr. Austin is the one responsible for pushing me to do better and not waste my talent. I always looked foreword to his class and art club. When we got into political drawings he told us that if his drawing pissed someone off then that was all the better because he drew it for himself and no one els needed to like it for it to be grate. we nick named him "Awesome Austin" ya cheesy, but hey he is.

Austin is a dedicated teacher and an awesome artist, and he was also involved in theater aswell. School is just not the same with out him, and we want him back safe and sound.

I remember this one time in our advanste drawing class last year; Mr. Carlson,(one of the other art teachers) sent one of the freshman down to get erasers for the intro. class. Carlson and Austin are always messing with each other and everyone knows how much Austin Hates freshman. So this Kid comes in acting all cocky. He starts doing all this crazy shit as we are in the middle of enjoying the cookies or donuts that Austin had so kindly brought in, after losing a bet with us. We were always trying to get him to bring in food ^_^ Austin knew this particular kid from theater so he had something special in mind for him. So after awhile of mindless nonsense, the kid starts for the door and then as he is opening it, Austin throws a chair at him. the kid Jumps and sreams like a wuss, Austin starts walking over to him yelling and the kid starts running down the art hall back to Carlsons class. Everyone is either choking on their food laughing at this point or is rushin over to the door to watch the dramatic kid run down the hall. That same kid was always sent down when Carlson and Austin were messing around... and no he didn't get hit by the chair.

So Ya he better come back, he is to awesome not to.

This is 1 of 4 videos My friend Savvy got when a group of us went on the 4th. it was the last weekend of the Fair and the last dance. I wish it hadn't ended.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezd-HtaA73w

If theres ever been a time when the men in my life have been driving me insane, it would be now.... I love them, I hate them, but I can't fucking liv with out them. Damn it all to hell!!!!! Girls, we may have are Games but guys have their own fucking solar system. I'm sick of all the drama and shit that comes out of their existents! STOP TORTURING ME YOU FUCKING ASS HOLES!!!!!!

Ya sorry its long...

I’ve been going through a lot lately and Im not sure how to get through all of it. family life has been so stressful and my love life... well it isn’t what I’ve hoped for. this month I’ve been so busy and at the same time when I’m not doing anything those days are the longest. truly time does fly when your having fun and is as fast as a rock when your not.

I said I wanted to make this summer mostly about my friends who have graduated and are going away for school. So in the middle of the night I got the idea to get everyone together and take them bowling. I had made all the plans with the help of one of my good friends Alex who I’ve been hanging with most of the summer. He has also been showing me some fighting moves but I’m not really any good at it. haha ^^ Anyway the day before the bowling party my mate(silver fang) called me. We had only gotten to talk for a short time, as it turns out I was bowling with my cousins that day and they were calling me back. that was the 8th and I haven’t been able to talk to him since then. I don’t know what happen but when I tried calling him (on 14th) and his best friend, but their phones had been disconnected. So I ended up having to call his mom (he lives with his dad) and she was talking to me as if she was PMSing and was simply no help. I don’t know what is going on and its freaking me out. I’ve sent him letters but still no word yet. I don’t know if he is still mad at me for wanting to take a brake or what.(this happen in the middle and end of march) We had gotten back together but were still having some problems so I thought we should see other people but he said he wouldn’t but that I could. which really though me off. So I stupidly did and ya nothing good came out of it; then me and fang got in to another fight over that and he finely told me what he wanted. and since then we had been happy. until this happen that is.

Well before all that the 9th came around and bowling with my friends was so much fun. not everyone showed up but that was expected. I ended up paying for food since everyone was like oh no I’m not hunger but hey most of then are guys and I knew this would end up happening; when the pizza got there they all dug in. I’m happy to pay when it comes to my friends but the food was like $20 and I don’t exactly have a job. Oh well it was just food. Everything seemed to be going grate but near the end two of them started arguing. I had already heard both sides of this story and it was just unneeded drama. I asked then to stop but no, I ended up just walking away and sitting down somewhere in earshot to wait for them to run out of hot air. It was a stupid thing to fight about and they were both wrong in what they did. I shouldn’t have walked out like that they are my friends but at the time I was getting so frazzled that I would have yelled at them both had I not. I really hate yelling whether it be at near or from me, I hate it all the same. After awhile of the all fighting Morin came over to me seeing how he doesn’t like drama anymore then I do I wasn’t surprised. I must of looked sad but I never know what my face is saying, he started trying to cheer me up. I think Morin just has some kinda charm that when every your down or just feeling bla he can put a smile on your face and a laugh in your mouth. ^_^ truly he is a grate friend to have. I’m shore he would have had me feeling better if Alex hadn't of walked up and interrupted him. I was getting really mad at that point I hadn’t gotten to talk one on one with Morin that day and this was the first time I had gotten to see him all summer. I understand Alex didn’t want to be standing around alone but damn it all I just couldn't take anymore complaining. now that I think about it I feel really bad for leaving Morin to get he's ears talked off.(Sorry Morin) luckily my mom was come to take everyone home and things had simmered down after that although I was no less upset by the time I got home.

Two days later a couple of us got together and when to 6flages and I think that made up for the fighting at the bowling alley. we got this awesome pic of the 4 of us on the dark-night. That day was just the best until I got a call from my mom. something had happen in the family and she wouldn’t be able to pick us up. I had no clues what was going on only that it was bad since she wouldn’t tell me over the phone. My uncle and younger cousin ended up picking us all up and dropping everyone off at home. they didn’t know what was going on and they were told not to tell me. they toke me to my Nana’s(grandmother) cause they said it wasn’t safe at home. when I got there we waited for my sister cat to get there and we were told what had happened. It was about my older sister and her family. I really shouldn’t say anything more other then no one got hurt that night and everything is being sorted out now.

Thats most of whats happened this summer other then every day ups and downs. Thanks for taking the time to read all this ^_^ *hugs and snuggles*

so I've come to turms with not getting a job this summer. ya, I could have realy use the money but all the local places don't seem to be hiring and that puts riding my bike to work out. So I'm looking forward to this upcoming winter. if I can time it right I should get my driver's license near or just after thanksgiving. And that for me will make things a whole lot easer when job hunting. also by that time I will have had or I hope I will be more confident of myself in a work setting. Since I will be going to the teck-campus over at the local college throughout my junior and senior years.

I wish time would go by faster just so I can get to what I feel like I should be doing right now. but I know when I am older I'm going to miss these times. Everyone around me is getting ready to go off to college or move away. So this summer I want to make about them. I want to make sure I get all the time I can spend with them in so that I'm not just one of these friends you end up forgetting about.

So then, what I should be doing right now is making plans. ^_^
Thanks for reading.

There only a couple of weeks left of school and I don't know if I should be happy or sad. A lot of my freinds are graduating and well I still have 2 years to go. I'm going to miss them all so much.

Also I have realy been missing my mate. I still talk with him. but I just wish I had someone I could physically touch. someone to hold, snuggle up with, flirt, kiss... its just been to long without being... its made me nume and I don't know what to do.

I've tryed getting back out there like they say to find someone new. I wish I was attracted to some of the guys at school but well when your not attracted theres not much you can do even if they are realy nice sweet guys. I wish I like women like i did men...

Anyway thanks for reading. let me know if you have any Ideas.

Yes it is my own personal new years. But I can't say it was a "sweet" 16. I am grateful for what I have I just wish it had been more of a special day instead of just a nice day hanging with only a few famly members. I love my cousins, I got a call from her after school saying that she was coming to take me hostage and that she couldn't tell me where we were going or els she would have to kill me. she is so much fun. so she picks me up and hands me the keys (I still only have my instruction permit) so I got to back out of the drive way I just about did a donut or so my Coz says and then when I hit the gas in drive I burned rubber, so my Coz says, but all I noticed was the screeching tires on the pavement. We ended up just going to her house and we eat a home cooked dinner and I played with my kid cousins out side for most of the time. that was the best part of the day but now that I'm back home I just feel sad.

See I tried planning for my birth day a week before hand so every one would be happy with it. My biggest personality trait is making sure all the people I care about are happy and enjoying themselves. so I thought of somthing simple, go out to dinner with my 3 closest friends at like an applebee's then see a movie and I would pay for most of it, but still split the bill. (XD Im not made of money sadly) but when I asked my mom and dad if I could do this my dad said I don't have the money... bla bla bla.. we will have to see... bla bla bla... and when ever I hear that line its a no. and i can't try and talk to them about it cause they are either to tired or if I bug them about it any more its not going to happen. so I know its beter to give up then try to plan things out with them its beter if I do thing last min. with them so I get a yes or no right away.

But ya when I came home I was hoping I was going to get a gift since I wasn't there for long after school. But no, I am just handed another one of those wallmart cards and one that is thanking the lord and not much to do with me. So I just kind of went to my room and cry for a minute or 2 than washed up and carried on with the rest of the night.

Thanks for reading.

Last night When I went to check my phone for messages I die on the inside. My mate broke up with me. he said he still loves me but he felt as if he was holding me back. he said that he wanted me to be able to live my life and be happy. how? what? why? I just kept asking him over and over again.

this was an on line relationship and we were just 4 months away from our one year anniversary. we had been making plans for him to come and spend the summer here but thats not going to happen now. I just don't get it befor this we were so happy what could have changed?

I don't know why this of all things would make me happy. I don't know what to do and I can barely hold back the tears when I'm around people. So I'm going to spend the night over at a friends house untill I get a better grasp on things.

Thank you for reading.

So the other day I asked my mom if they were going to pay for me to go to college and she said no. They have no money saved up for my sister or I. So now I'm freaking out a bit. At school they are always pushing us saying how we won't be able to get a good job, if we don't have at least a bachelors degree. So now I don't know what I'm going to do for money. and now my parents are saying I can't get a job untill I get my license or it has to be in walking distends. I mean ya I can always get a summer job but I know I'll never be able to make enough to even put a dant in how much college cost.

I know I'm only a softmore in high school but I see how people are always running around at the last minute looking for ways to pay or get some sort of scholarship. and i know i don't want to deal with that much stress. I know i don't want to have to rely on some scholarship to pay for me cause I believe myself to be average academically. I know if any it could be an art scholarship. I might be good but I can't do what I do on command.

Also like most of my friends I am saving up for multiple conventions and my fursuit. but now I'm wondering should I put the money I have saved up for those things to my college fund or do I have fun now and worry about this later.

If anyone has any ideas on what I should do, please I'd like to hear them.

Yes! I'm so happy to be getting back to school. I've miss seeing my friends so much. I'm even heppy about getting up early... odd I know but sleeping in untill 10:00am is really boring. I will be in drivers ED and I don't know if I am looking foreword to it or dreading it. I'm sad to say, I don't have any art classes, but I do have a study hall so I can work on commissions. I take forever to draw only because I like the openness of the art studio at school and I just can't seem to fined anywere eles I get so inspired. I also miss the work. I really don't enjoy my free time unless I have something to do, if I don't I start thinking to much and for me thats not a good thing. so heres to back to school and back to work. :)

Lately I haven't been geting any sleep at night. I toss and turn and even cry out at times. the reason for all this is the same damn question running through my head all night long. am I really happy with the one I love? I keeped telling my self that I truly love him but deep down I knew that was a lie. I got so caught up in the idea of loving someone that I didn't see that what I had wasn't love but just the want to love. I never meant for this to happen and I never wanted to hurt anyone but I just can't take it any more.

I was happy for a time but I always knew there was something missing. I felt love once truly I did and I let it slip away. I felt that fire that burns so hot every time that I was even close to him. I don't know why I let this go on for so long. how could I not see that this wasn't real. why would I say no when hes standing right in front of me. how was I abel to suppress that wild fire that burns for him. what have I done.

I haven't told either of them this and I don't want to but I know I must. I don't want to lose either of them but I know I might.

God help us all.

Grrrrr... I'm getting sick again :( I just got over being sick with strep throat a week ago. and damn it all! Im getting it again. well luckily I got the meds for it (thanks doc ^_^). so I should kick this off soon. if not I won't be going to the art institute in Chicago for my drawing class. I love going into the city and getting out of school for a day is just a bonus ^^. well heres to hoping for good health *raises a glass ofwater and then downs a pill*. wish me luck :)

Well I have been dealing with some family problems over the passed few months. I have 2 older sisters one is 25 and has 3 kids and is married the other is 17 and living here still. the problem is that my oldest and her family have gotten kicked out of there home and are now living in a motel and must leave tomorrow. they are now going to have to live in a homeless shelter... and its braking my heart. :'( I can't sit idly by and watch my sis go through this. everyones trying to help and its just not enough. So I gave all the money I had saved up for MFF and for my tail and paws that I was going to buy from Drakonicknight. I know its not much to live off of but it can put food on the table for a bit. she has a job but only make a little bit more then minimum wage. (STAY IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!) and her husband has a job I think but I know hes not bringing in a steady income. she works so hard at work and when she comes home she needs to take care of the kids 6, 2, and 1 years old. he helps but its not enough. he was supposed to be taking care of my sis! SO WHY! why is this happening... :'(

I just need to tell someone. thank you fo listening.

Well I've been sick for the past week and Im just now starting to feel better. (Thanks Doc for the meds.) ^_^ Most people are getting the flu or N1H1, me no I have to be different. I got strep throat... -_-" Any way now Im stuck with a bundle of homework but thats not whats getting me. Its having to make up gym cless. I don't hate it. its just I have no time to make it up. I simply can NOT get up before 6:30am unless I wasn't sleeping or if theres a fire. so I got the Dr. to wright me a pass for this but she wroght it so I could get out of gym next week... hahahahahaha so much for trying to get out of it. oh well lets just hope I don't get sick or freeze to death from running on the track in this cold. brrrrrrrr >_<

My mate and I are still going strong for being so far away. love is one of the most important things to me but not being able to holed him in my arms or just be able to feel his warmth its... well its daunting... I hate this feeling. so I have found myself in a dilemma.

I have recently gotten back in tuch with my... well for all intensive and purposes my X-mate. We have been spending the time that we never got to spend together and I have found myself to be having a lot of fun, but... the truth is all I feel when Im with him is lust and safety. he had told me that he loves me now and well I.. I still love him but he hert me more then once before and I don't want that to happen again.
We are still good friends but the love I once had for him is locked in my heart and it should stay there. Unfortunately when I am with him, he has this charm that seems to cast a spell over me, it tamps me to do things that I know I shouldn't do, but I know I want so much...

so you see my problem. i have undoubted love for my mate and we have a grate emotional relationship, but I miss the feeling of a physical relationship with him. With my X being here for me I can have that physical relationship but I would lose the bond I have with my mate if I do that.

I know I don't want to cheat on him and I don't want to lose him. but I don't want to string my X along either...

Thanks for listening. I just needed to get this off my chest. Comment if you would like.

Ok so I was at the mall with my sis and her friends for a psychology project. yes we really were at the mall to do school work. XD if you can believe that... but any way, they some how convinced me to go to homecoming. what me? no this has to be a mistake.... I'm an antisocial nerd that can't dance. how did they manage this. oh right... "psychology" *sighs*... well ya so now I have a cute dress and some nice heels... what am I doing with heels I'm a cluts, I'll end up herting myself or someone els. and its not like I have a date. though they want to pair me up with someones little brother. (oh the shame) like thats going to happen. this is just weird. I wish I had a date, just like one of my friends or something just so I didn't have to hang with my sis. damn now I have to go throug the trouble of asking my frainds to come with me... well this is either going to be intreating or an disaster. wish me luck.

Have you ever gotten that feeling that your losing some one and you don't know why? Well I got that feeling. what is the amount of time you can go with out talking with your best friend? how long to you go with out hanging with them? I don't know if I did something rong or not theres just this awkward space growing between us. we were like famly once and now I feel as if I'm on my own again Well that is if I don't count My BoyFriend hes always there for me . But in all seriousness I need my friends, The helped me be who I'm today, and I want to help them to. if you have any advice for me I would love to hear it.

I have no idea why but I'm so hyper. O.O I want to run around all crazy like, then stop and go fishing. XD my mind is having a random fit

. I miss my BF silver fang(hes not a furry). thats what sucks about long distant relationships. hes all the way in California T_T.

oh yeah I can't wait to hang out with morin.

well thats all I feel like saying

I wish I could be there but I doubt I'll able to go untill I tern 18. oh well at leased it will give me time to save up for it XD. I hope everyone haves fun... *heehee* scratch that I know you'll have fun ^^ I have one request for anyone if you feel up to it. ok so I want you to get a DJ to play "I don't want to be in love" by good charlotte, or "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven; and party like that animal you are ^o^!!!!! well thats all, can't wait to see all the videos on youtube! ; )

oh and tell me if you did or are going to try my request. hope I hear from you : )

For the past few days I was helping my grandparents with anything they needed like, yard work or problems they were having with there computer stuff like that. I don't know if my allergies got the best of me yesterday or if my cousin past a bug to me but right now I feel like crap. XP I'm having a hard time sleeping over there so around 5 maybe 6 o'clock I call my mom saying I wanted to come home. I had a temp of 100 XP I know Im also dehighdrated but my throat herts to much to drink any water. so now I'm home but still in pain :'(

I hate being sick... XP