Hello everyone. First of all I'm telling you that I have decided that I won't leave FA or quit drawing. I'm feeling better now and I would have regretted if I had done that. So no need to worry anymore. :3

Also this week I have to get 25 comic-strips done for next week. That's our homework from the school. It is stressing me out a bit since I have got only 5 strips done so far (some of them I have posted here in FA) and I'm not good on making up good ideas for short, humoristic comic strips. So that's why if you have suggestions and ideas about what I would do a comic strip about, I'd like to hear it and really appreciate it. :)

So that's all. Sorry for bothering you!

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Hi everyone. I just minded to tell you that I indeedly got into a new school. It's an art academy and I'm studying making comics there. So far it's been nice there and I've learned some new things. Hopefully I can also learn some new ways to improve.

Also I've decided that I'm not going to change my FA-account as I told in my previous journal so no need to worry about that.
So this is all that I had to say. Sorry for bothering you :)

Hi everyone. I just wanted to inform you all that I'm possibly going to make a new account to both deviantArt and Furaffinity. The reason for this is that I've found out that in english my artist-name, Kilju, is pronounced "kill-jew". I had no idea at all about this and I got seriously shocked when I found this out. I DON'T admire nazis and I DON'T have anything against jews. GOT IT?! Kilju is really a finnish word and means "booze" (I don't drink though) and it's pronounced here here more like "kill-you", but the CORRECT way to pronounce it is "kil-you". here more like "kill-you", but the CORRECT way to pronounce it is "kil-you".

So I now explained that I'm not a nazi and kilju means something else. By the way kilju can also be pronounced "kill-you" and that's the way how we pronounce it here in Finland (but here it's more like "kil-you"). I've always knew that and thought it to be funny. But even though I explained myself now, I think I'd still better change my artist-name. Too bad the account name can't be changed here in FA or in DA, so I think that I'd better to create new account at least to here FA to avoid more misunderstandings. I will inform you later what my new artist-name will be and if I'm going to create a new account.

And I repeat myself: KILJU IS PRONOUNCED "KIL-YOU" or in any other way, but NOT "KILL-JEW"! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST JEWS AND I DON'T MEAN ANY HARM TO ANYONE!

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been that active here anymore. I've been at my dad's right now and somehow I haven't been at all in a mood of drawing. It's not only because of my works still are a bit overlooked here, it's because I simply just haven't been in that mood. To tell the truth, I somehow don't enjoy drawing anymore like I used to. I don't know why's that, but I hope I will get that mood back again, especially when I still have lot of ideas to draw.
But right now it's been really hot here, and I really hate heat. I think that is one of the reasons why I haven't been in a mood of drawing, because it's so hot I don't feel like doing anything. But luckily it's said it would get cooler here now.

Even though I haven't been drawing much now, there will come some new works soon, to here FA too.

Hi everyone. At firt I'd like to tell you that I'll have a birthday next saturday. I will turn 20 now.
Also I just graduated from high school this month. Do I feel satishfyed? At first I did, but NOT anymore. Why? Because I didn't get to any school or get any job for next autumn!! That is what is really worrying me right now and I'm not sure how I can survive from next autumn since I won't have anything to do.

Right now it's summer and all my real life- friends have gone somewhere and there even haven't been many people to talk with in msn. I've right now been even lonelier than before and it's getting really, really unbareable. And it seems I have to be here all alone in the autumn as well.

There would been again a metal music-festival Tuska this weekend, where I've visited last two years as well. But this year I'm not going there, even though there are many good bands that I would had liked to see. The main reason for this is that there's no one with whom I could go there. My brother is there, but he has his own friends and so he can't hang out with me. I know two other people too who are going there, but they won't have time to hang out with me either. So I would have to be alone there, that I don't want and so I decided to not go there.

I right now try to draw more, though it still has been slow and difficult even though I have more time now. But I hope everything would go alright...

Sorry about this ranting. I'm just so lonely and worried about the future that I minded to tell you what's going on right now.

So yeah, the final results of the matricular exams are here and it says I PASSED THEM ALL! This is such a relief, especially because it first looked like I wouldn't pass them. That feared me so much I actually even thought about commiting suicide a bit. But now I'm happy I passed them and got out from the high school. :)

All these three years in high school were really hard. I didn't have any friends there and my works got ignored all the time and I didn't do so good in tests. But luckily I had all you my friends here in internet supporting me and I appreciate that, thank you all :). But now I need to worry what will happen next autumn. Will I get to next school (university or something else) and will I ever get a job? We'll see.

I was tagged by jakelioner83 http://www.furaffinity.net/user/jakelioner83/ (I don't know how to add icons)

Here are the rules

*) Post 8 true things about yourself
*) At the end you must tag 8 people and post their icons
*) Go to their page and send them a message saying you tagged them
*) NO TAG-BACKS

1. I've been drawing from very early age
2. I don't have many firends that I could see in real life
3. I wish I could draw better
4. I'm lonely
5. The first game I played was Commander Keen 4
6. My teachers at school hates my art
7. I'm in a bad mood right now when I'm writing this. Sorry.
8. I don't know how to add users icons

I'll tag those who wants to be tagged. Besides I don't know how to post anyone's icon here.

I took this from Jake_Lioner83 http://www.furaffinity.net/user/jakelioner83/ >:3

001. Real name → Ilkka
002. Nickname(s)→ Ile, Kilju, Kiljunator, SirKilju...

003. Zodiac sign → Cancer
004. Male or female → Male.
005. Elementary → Cleared in 2004
006. Middle School → Cleared in 2007
007. High School → Hopefully clearing this srping. I'm just having the matricular exams.
008. Hair color →Brown (It was blond when I was a child, but it changed it's color by itself.)
009. Long or short → Long
010. Loud or Quiet → Usually quiet but I can be loud too if it's needed

011. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
012. Phone or Camera → Phone
013. Health freak → No, I think
014. Drink or Smoke? → Neither of them. Personally I'm not interested in any of these.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? Not right now...
016. Eat or Drink → Eat, but of course I drink as well, anything expect alcohol-drinks (I'm not drunk. Not at all)
017. Piercings → No
018. Tattoos → No

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane → No
020. Been in a relationship → Yes, but she got tired of me for some reason...
021. Been in a car accident → No
022. Been in a fist fight → No

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → None
024. First best friend → I've never separated my friends to best ones and just friend-ones. All my friends are my best friends :)
025. First award → Clearing a swimming-school back in 1998 (but it wasn't a contest, but we still got medals)
026. First crush → back in kindergarden to one of my friends
028. First big vacation → I think it was back in 1994 when we were travelling around southern Finland
029. Last person you talked to → my mom
030. Last person you IMed → Setup1337
031. Last person you watched a movie with → my friend
032. Last food you ate → Pizza
033. Last movie you watched → Rocky 3
034. Last song you listened to → March For Revenge (By The Soldiers Of Death) by Manowar
035. Last thing you bought → Halo Legends- DVD
036. Last person you hugged → my mom


FAVES:
037. Food → Pizza
038. Drinks → All kinds of limonade, milk, juice, water
039. Clothing → casual: black jeans, leather jacket, Metallica- cap, sunglasses
040. Books → Harry Potter, but I started to dislike reading because of my finnish teacher
041. Music → All kinds of heavy metal and rock. There's so many bands, but some of my favourite bands are currently Kreator, Amorphis, Manowar, Rob Zombie, Moonspell, Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Sotajumala, and many more...
042. Flowers → I'm not sure
043. Colors → Blood red
044. Movies → Comedies and action and also scifi and fantasy ones
045. Positions → I'm not sure
046. Subjects → Computer-and videogames, drawing, fantasy and scifi things

IN 2009 I....

047. [] kissed in the snow.
048. [] celebrated Halloween
049. [] had your heart broken
050. [] went over the minutes on your cell phone
051. [] someone questioned your sexual orientation
052. [] Came out of the closet
053. [] gotten pregnant
054. [] had an abortion
055. [x] done something you've regretted
056. [x] broke a promise
057. [x] hid a secret
058. [x] pretended to be happy
059. [x] met someone who changed your life.
060. [] pretended to be sick.
061. [] left the country
062. [] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
063. [] traveled to high mountains.
064. [] ran a lot on the beach
065. [] live on a beach
066. [x] stayed single a whole year (no one's wanting me ;_;)

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → nothing
068. Drinking → Air
069. I'm about to → Go to sleep, I have exams tomorrow
071. Plans for today → Study history
072. Waiting for → end of these hellish exams

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → Not right now
074. Want to get married? → Not right now
075. Careers in mind → Artist, comic-maker
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes
077. Shorter or taller? → both
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Romantic
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → arms
080. Sensitive or loud → Either
081. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → I don´t use glasses
084. Ran away from home → No
086. Killed somebody/thing → yes, an insect
087. Broken someone's heart → No
088. Been arrested → No
089. Cried when someone died → Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → Not fully
091. Miracles → Not sure
092. Love at first sight → Yes
093. Heaven → In a way
094. Santa Claus → In a way (as some sort of spirit)
095. Sex on the first date → Partly
096. Kiss on the first date → Depends

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → I'm not in relationship now if you mean that
099. Do you believe in God → In a way. I think it's a spirit of some sort that has created this all and controls everything
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 20 people → I'm not tagging but you can do this as well if you want

Hello everyone here in FA.

I think it's better to tell you what's going on in my life right now and why I haven't been very active here in FA lately.
I don't want to sound like pathetic and whiny, but it's not actually going that good. It's very much because of the school. First of all, I have very much works and tests and other stuff like that so I don't have that much time to do anything else, that's a reason why I haven't drewn very much lately.
Then some teachers are very mean to me, for example they always gives me low numbers on tests and even my finnish and english teachers have called me slow and retarted, but they aren't the only ones, also my art-teacher really dislikes my works, just because I have my own style.
I don't even have any real friends at school so I'm pretty much alone all the time. I don't know why, but one reason why everyone dislikes me is that everyone in my school draw only all kinds of manga-stuff and other things like that, whereas I have pretty much my very own style to draw. That's what they dislike: I suck at drawing comparated to them and I don't draw manga-humans like they do all the time and also, they really much hate furry-and anthro stuff (what I do pretty much as you know).

So that's how it is right now at school. But luckily I'm going to graduate next spring so I can get out from there, but for graduating I have very much studying to do right now.

Luckily I have friends here in internet (and overall outside the school), and one day I decided to join here in FA, since I thought my works would get more viewers and I would meet new friends, since here's pretty much all kind of furry and anthro stuff, which I like and draw as well.
Well I've made some new friends here and I'm thankful for that, but still my art here has gotten very ignored and disliked. I don't know why, maybe I'm just bad at drawing and my style is awful, and also I'm not doing digital art like everyone else.
I can make digital art, but I'm just better at making traditional art and also I don't have any good photoshop, only Gimp 2.6 and very old Corel photoshop on my old computer.
I'm not totally sure yet will I upload any new drawings here in FA anymore, but right now I haven't drewn very much anyway because I've been busy. But since here's still some people who likes my works, maybe I will keep it up. :3

Sorry for ranting and sounding like pathetic whiner.