My first solo album, "Inferior," has dropped today on multiple streaming platforms! :D Check it out down here via my Linktree!

https://linktr.ee/killthetsar

Hey, y'all! Just wanted to see how everyone out there is doing! :3

I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago (boo XD), and pretty soon my current place of employment will be swamped with business for most of the rest of the year! I also plan on releasing an album I've been working on for the last couple of years by the end of this year, though I most likely won't post it on here (there's 17 tracks :P). Otherwise, I've just been trying my best to keep myself afloat with goals and staying optimistic about the future - which isn't always easy x.=.x.

Oh, and I realized earlier this summer that I am, in fact, an otherkin/therian. But I'll save that for another journal for another day, since there's still alot for me to explore in that realm uwu.

Anyways, tell me about how things have been for you! If you don't wanna post on here, shoot me a note! ^.=.^

Hap burf to me :v The last year of my 20's! ;-;

Heyo! I apologize for not making these all too often anymore - My life has just been constantly busy for quite some time now. xwx

Anyhow, if you haven't noticed yet, I made some changes to my profile. Instead of keeping all of the art I've collected over the years in my scraps folder only, I've decided instead to move a bulk of it over to my main profile. Historically, I've always wanted to keep the music I post on here as the first & foremost media presented on my page, but since I haven't been able to actually record anything for a while, I've decided instead that this old policy is not as significant to me as it was before. Sure, I want my music to be heard - even the older stuff, when I (like to) believe that my audio and songwriting skills have improved over the course of my adulthood - but I do have other ways of getting my music heard; I can't say so much the same for all of the drawings of Yin I have xwx. So, yeah that's that - though I have kept some pics in my scraps, and since they're currently there they most likely will stay there forever.

In terms of my own life - I only got one semester to go! :3 Then I can do my internship over the summer (but still walk next spring), and afterwards FINALLY get started with my life. I'm gonna be like 28 when I can finally start saving up my money properly to try to get out of this state and start anew xwx Hopefully either in audio archiving & restoration, or a job in the liquor industry - or something in between. Or both. Or something of the sort. Or both of something of the sort. Or...

But yeah, other than that life has been good. I've definitely had my fair share of ups and downs, of course, though I've been able to handle myself through it all pretty well I feel like. I give a huge thanks to my family & friends for that, but even more thanks to my fantastic boyfriend  owleyes44 for being by my side throughout this whole pandemic crap & my last 2 years of university. >w< I seriously don't know what I'd be doing right now or where I'd be if I didn't have someone like him in my life right now. I love you so much, babe~ <3. I'm so glad we can see each other at least once every couple of weeks or so, because it definitely helps me every time I get to spend time with you ^.=.^ Especially after how last year we couldn't even cross state lines for many months. x.x That was not easy at all, but we've pulled through that & more, and I seriously can't thank you enough for it. <3<3<3

Anyways, enough about me! How're you doing? :3

I don't really make journals anymore - so I'm gonna make one now. XP

So, I'm in my last year of university (at least I sure hope to God that's the case >w>), where I'm now living 2 minutes away from campus in an apartment with some cool friends of mine. I'm also working at a closer store for the company I work part time for.

Yep, life is fairly dandy right now~ X3

Hey there, folks~ I can't believe it's already August; I'm almost 26 |3. I hope you've all been well!

Today's my last day of vacation, so I plan on perhaps working on some music, since it's been a while since I've actually written something xwx. I may also upload some older work on here again, since I want to start posting on here once more.

I'll also be resuming school again in a few weeks, granted as just a part-time student again. It'll be weird doing some classes online and some in-person again, but I'll be happy to go back, even if it's just once a week x3.

Anyhow, let me hear from you! How've things been, especially during this whole weird time? uwu

Well, I'm a junior now at the college I'm currently at, despite being in higher education for roughly 5 years now. Oh well :x

So, let's not worry, and let's get this bread instead, y'all.

And not just for me, but for everyone grindin' :v.

Herp berth 2 me.

I'm 24 now. :U

Yo.

So, I posted a new track on here for the first time in a couple of years. I've decided to continue this with each new song I make, for other furs who may be interested in listening to what I have in store~.

Tomorrow, I will post an older track that I worked on last winter :3. All of the other tracks I have on my Soundcloud (as of right now) cannot be posted on FA, sadly :\. This is because they are not only much larger than 10 MB (the maximum size for a track that can be uploaded onto here), but they're file types that wouldn't even be accepted, regardless of size .-. This wouldn't be a problem, if I didn't lose the masters to those songs when my hard drive blew last November >->. Oh well.

So, stay tuned for more magical guitar works :U.

So, so far this summer, I have a lot more free time than the last few months (being a full time student and all). I'm working on new music currently, which I hope to post quite a bit of for the next few months :3. But it's hard to when you're also dealing with quite a lot on your mind, too. Heh.

But yeah, expect some cool tunes to be released within these next several weeks :D.

I figured I'd make a new one of these, cause why not? Lol.

So begins the next semester for me in just a few days. Hopefully it'll go better than the last one :P. I'm hoping I'll find some time to work on more of my own music, and also work on my physical health. That's all I really care about when it comes to my free time.

Otherwise, life is the same. I try to make things happen more and more every day, in the same environments I've been in since last autumn. Things are going very well, and I hope to keep it that way :).

When you realize you haven't made a journal entry in 6 months -w-. I was gonna make once to just announce this new thing I did -

https://www.f-list.net/c/yinyue%20shenmi

But I suppose I could tell you about my life and stuff, too! :U

I'm back in school now as a full time student, sooooo now I'm busier than ever xwx. I have to commute about 30-45 minutes to and from my house to get to campus 4 days a week (5 next semester), but that's not terrible for me :P. I don't mind the drive lol. I'm hoping I can get my bachelor's in Sound Recording Technology in 3-4 years, and from there work in a high end studio of some sort, whether for the music buiz or a movie production company or whatnot :P. It should be a fun ride~ especially since I'm taking mostly music classes! :D

Also, I got a new job last summer~. I left my old one 2 weeks ago, while I was working both jobs :U, since I wanted to weasel my way into something new rather than diving head first lol. It's at a wine superstore some people may have heard of called Total Wine. A store less than a mile from my house just opened in the end of April, and I decided to start working there because I was sick of my old job lol. So yeah, I normally work three 10 hour shifts on weekends :P.

Aaaaaaand that's about it, really! I hope you're all doing well c:

Hey everyone~ :3. I hope you've all been doing well lately with whatever's going on ^-^.

For me, I've been working on my solo recordings again :D. However, I won't be uploading anymore to FA, since I'd rather just upload to my Soundcloud, where anyone can listen to my tracks on there. There's not much of a need with uploading music on another website that only targets furs, who focus on artwork and stories way more than music anyhow :P.

I've also been working still while attending UMass Lowell part time :3. Right now, I'm just doing 2 classes - one on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and one on Thursday night - and they're both pretty enjoyable ^^. I hope to take a summer course or two this year as well, to catch up on more credits :P.

If you want to take my Soundcloud, btw, here's the link! :D

https://soundcloud.com/kill-the-tsar

Enjoy! ^-^

Hopefully everyone had a good holiday season, and hopefully everyone will have a good 2017 ^^. Cheers to another year!

Damn. I remember 5 years ago, on this day,  athus passed away.

During that time, I wasn't a furry, but I was really interested in being one. It felt hard to try and come in, though, since at that time I was a really shy, depressed 17 year old loner. I didn't feel like I could do it, despite wanting to. And when I found out he died, it felt like my world had shattered. I felt guilty that I didn't even give myself a chance to try and branch out to him to at least say 'hello,' or something ._. It was hard to get over, but after 2 years the dread left me, even though I never knew the guy. Ever since it did, my life has done nothing but improve.

Today, I almost never think about it. I only like to move ahead, because my teenage years were so much different than they are now. Back then I just felt terrible all the time, mostly about myself, but also about the world around me, the people I was surrounded by, and about the little friends I had then. Now I feel alot better about myself, so the world around me and being alone don't bother me as much as it used to - in fact, it almost never does.

I wonder though where he'd be today if he did survive the car crash that took his life, and if we would have ever met paths. I feel like we could have, since I've sent messages to other furs before I was interested in starting a friendship with, and if we did, what that would have been like. Could we have been best friends, decent friends, acquaintances, or nothing at all. Would it have lasted a little while, or for a life time? I don't know, and never will. It's just something I have to live with - I mean, I've already been doing that for 5 years now :\.

I do feel like his death moved me alot, and if he did survive the accident, I wouldn't be who I am today. I may have never decided to become a fur and open up to people. I could have just never have any kind of force telling me to just do it. I honestly believe his death was that force that I really needed. I was so trapped in my negative emotions, that only something as powerful and emotional as his unfortunate passing could move it somewhere - anywhere at all. I can't, and refuse, to say that his death was a good thing, but it may have just helped me for the better in the long run. Even if it's something I don't think about often anymore, it's something I must cherish for the rest of my existence.

But anyhow, take some time today to remember him, and if you don't know him, look into his work for a little bit. I believe he was a loving, gentle soul, and his untimely death was something undeserving for him. But there's always some kind of positive in a negative, and that may have been that he changed my life - and many - others' lives for the better.

So, good news and bad news since my last journal.

Good news is that over the summer, my band and I made an EP, played a few shows, and had the time of our lives doing all of that :3. Bad news is that yesterday, we broke up.

Once we brought in our lead guitarist, the entire band had changed, and it was a good change. But, some of us became more focused on hitting the scene and making it big as soon as possible with music that would help do that right away (i.e. 80's hard rock), while some of us were ok with finding our sound first and experimenting a bit, even if that meant taking time to find our audience. In the end, these two mindsets weren't working together, and even though we made some good music out of it, we knew that things had to come to an end before we all hated each other.

Luckily, things ended peacefully and we were all mutual about it. We're all still good friends, and we wish each other well with our next music projects :3. For me, that'd be going back to doing my solo stuff I used to post on here years ago, except this time I'd take alot more time to work on the songs to make them the best they can be. Before, I just mass produced as many ideas I had as possible :P.

I'm hoping that by the end of this year, I'll have a 5 song EP done with all fresh songs I'll be writing for the rest of the month. I already have a few ideas, and I'll use one thing I already made that was gonna be for the band, but never truly got to be used uwu. Hopefully you'll like what will come out this upcoming winter. I'm so pumped to start working on it now :D.

Along with that, I'll be playing in my cover band that I formed earlier this summer still, just to have fun with some other friends and still do some performing on the side, and I'll be doing some producing and engineering for one of my former bandmates's project with a good friend of his :3. He's a really good guitarist and singer, and she's an incredibly beautiful singer. If you love jazzy/indie stuff, you'll love what they'll be releasing in the future o:

So yeah, good things are going to be happening for the rest of 2016. Another chapter in my life ended yesterday, and a new one begins today :3.

Hey everyone, I figured I'd make a new journal on here, since it's been a little while :P.

So, I finally graduated from college :D. I had my ceremony just last week, and my party yesterday with a few friends and family members :3. All of my hard work got me high honors and a Liberal Arts degree (nothing too special, I suppose lol), and next year I'll be going back to school - this time to UMass Lowell, which isn't too far from home x3. I don't know how long I'll need to go for yet, since I may be able to go for less than 4 years under Massachusetts's state transfer program, but I'm hoping I can just take the classes I really want to take (which would be classes that involve studio recording, record production, etc.) for just a couple of years uwu.

My boyfriend also returned to his old fursona, which was the same one he used when we met several years ago x3. He will be active as  voltomere, since he can no longer access  orphy anymore :c. This unsolvable issue made him consider going back, so now we're dragon lovers :P. Yay~

Otherwise, life is what it's been for a long time now. I've been preoccupying my time with my job, my band (which got a second guitarist last month, so now we're a quartet :D), and some hobbies I've been trying to pursue. The latest one is actually boxing o:, which I decided to do because one of my friends is an instructor, so I wanted to help him out and spend some more time with him, and because I need to get in better shape >w>. I may combat the latter problem by taking up a challenge for a couple of months, where I don't eat desserts or fast food until my 22nd birthday. Hopefully they'll both work out well, especially since I enjoyed my first day of training last week :3.

And that's all for now :P. I hope you all have wonderful days :D.

I hope everyone is having/has had a good Valentine's day today :3. Mine's been ok, but I've been tired all day so I've been doing little xwx.

I'm happy to know though that it's been 2 years today since I started dating the love of my life,  orphy. Although we may not get to chat or meet up much, because of conflicting schedules, I still love you with all of my heart and I hope to be with you for the rest of my life <3.

I hope you're all having a good time with friends, family, and other loved ones of yours :3. And may 2016 be a good year for all of us, too ^^!

Hopefully everyone had a good one today, and if you didn't celebrate it today - or don't at all - I hope you still had a good day :P.

So, I had to visit the neurologist today, since I've been having some numbness, tingliness, and pain in my right foot and leg for the last month. It turns out that I pinched a nerve in the L5 column, which means it runs down from my back, to the bottom middle part of my leg, to the bottom middle part of my foot -w-. It's nothing serious, and I just need to go to physical therapy for 6 weeks to try to cure it. If it still persists after that, I'll have to go to a checkup appointment I set up for the holiday season, just a few days after Christmas. Hopefully it doesn't get there, but it could if 6 weeks of visiting a physical therapist at 2 days a week, and an hour a day, doesn't help .w.

Otherwise, I've been kept busy with the usual - another semester of school (but my last one at the school I'm attending :3), 30 or so hours a week of working, and band practice once or twice a week. I don't have much free time, but at least the free time I have lasts for several hours all at once, when I don't do anything after work :P. And even then I usually have to do homework xwx. Oh well, lol.

Hopefully you guys are all doing well as well, and I hope you all have a wonderful day uwu.

\ ^w^ /

I figure I'd make another one of these now, since it's been a while since I have uwu.

For the most part, things are the same. I'm off of school for the summer, since the semester ended in May, so I'm basically just working - only about 4 or 5 days a week, not an insane amount like last year uwu. The rest of my time is spent just relaxing at home, having band practice, going out every now and again to do something fun (whether it's with my buddies or by myself :P), and all that jazz.

My band and I are looking for gigs, so I'm planning to promote our two studio-recorded songs that we have finished so far by going into nearby cities (including Boston o:) to hand it out to whoever hosts live music :3. We're also working on a demo/EP thingy, where we record one song at a time, then after lots of editing (which I all do uwu), release it to the public on our SoundCloud (you can find us here :3). And then we practice whenever we can, which currently our schedule involves Monday and Tuesday afternoons, then sometimes Wednesday nights, though this week we can't practice at all, due to us being busy uwu.

And that's basically it :P. Have a good day now~ x3

I haven't made one of these in a while, so I might as well do one tonight x3.

Life right now is both good and bad. The good news is that my band and I are doing better than before - it's the same lineup as another band I had in the past that did well during my last year of high school, but the only differences are that I play bass instead of guitar now, the rhythm guitarist got good enough to be the sole guitarist, and him and I both sing lead :P. We have the same name as my last band (Invalid Heroes), but before we had another guitarist who we ended up dropping, since he wasn't showing up too often when we brought back our current drummer as a bandmate and close friend (reasons being due to work, his mentioning of his dislike of the new lineup, and possibly his mood), and the current guitarist played drums. Pretty much, I've been in a ton of bands with the same people, where we all seemed to be playing different instruments XP. I still miss the guitar as my main instrument sometimes, but I love the bass more, so I'm ok with how things are going :3. I just hope this time, they go well, because if this band flops too, then I'm going to stop trying to get with bands so I can just focus on school, and then my own work.

Another good thing is that I got a new car :3. My old Taurus I had for a year (I got it after losing my other Taurus, my first car, in an accident in December 2013 D:) had a broken transmission, and was deemed 'totaled,' which means that the cost for repairing the car is worth more than the car's value (this can be due to an accident, but isn't always the case; my first Taurus was totaled as well because of the accident I got into ._.). I got a 2010 Ford Fusion for about $8k, and despite it needing new tires and a new rim, it's a very well and stable car :D. I did get a flat tire on Saturday (thanks to the great Mass highways with their massive amount of potholes -.-), so I'm currently getting around with a spare tire. After that, I just need it inspected, and it'll be completely set for me ^^.

Bad news is that my mood has been misbalanced lately :\. I think school is getting to me again, especially since I was getting used to having so many days off due to the blizzards we had over here, and the direction the band is going is both giving me hope and making me think that school is a waste of a time, or a distraction. Despite the fact that I KNOW that's not the case, I just keep feeling that way :\. I've also been seeing the doctor alot for alot of minor and unrelated medical problems (chest pains; non-cardiac, ear infection, constant heartburn (I didn't actually see a doctor for the last one, but I mentioned it to him when I got a ear checkup)), which just makes me feel like I'm unhealthy. But hey, that's growing up, I guess >.>

But don't worry, I will be ok :3. I'm generally positive, despite getting highly pessimistic at times, so don't worry about me. I just wanted to mention it to you all, in case you were interested in finding out what's been going on in my life x3. Due to being busy almost every day, I have not been able to record my own material at all lately (including finishing the requests), but since I'm on spring break this week, I can get back to work for Thursday (should be all I need; I did have today free, but I spent it taking a holiday, since I kinda need one :P). I'll be out and about that day anyways, so why not just add more stuff, right? :P

Anyways, that's the end of my update! I hope you all are doing ok, and if not, you can come to me if you need a shoulder to lean on ^^.

Stole this from  epicaricacy :P

1. Had sex? Yes
2. Bought Condoms? Yes
3. Gotten somebody Pregnant? I've had a couple pregnancy scares with my last ex >.>
4. Failed A Class? Yes
5. Kissed A Boy? Yes

6. Kissed A Girl? Yes
7. Used A Little Paper Bag for Lunch? Naw
8. Had A Job? 4 so far, 1 at the moment
9. Slipped On Ice? Yes
10. Missed The School Bus? Once
11. Fucked a girl? Yes

12. Bullied Someone On The Internet? Nuuu
13. Sex In Public? Does a hotel and car count? >.>
14. Played On A Sports Team? I used to play baseball and candle-pin bowling :P

15. Smoked Weed? Yes
16. Smoked Cigarettes? Yes
17. Smoked A Cigar? Yes
18. Drank Alcohol? Yes
19. Watched porn? Yes
20. Skipped class? Naw
21. Gotten Arrested? Naw
22. Done meth? NOT EVEN ONCE
23. Been To A Wedding? Naw :c
24. Fell in love with a best friend? Naw

25. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? Oh yeah >.>
26. Watched TV For 5 Hours Straight? Not in a long time
27. Been Late For Work? A few times >.>
28. Been Late For School? I'm pretty sure I have been before
29. Kissed In The Rain? Nu :c

30. Showered With Someone Else? Yes
31. Failed My Drivers Test? The first time. I was super pissed >:c
32. Cheated on a ex? Never and will never.
33. Been Outside My Home Country? I've been to Niagara Falls on the Canadian side once in 2003 :v
34. Been On A Road Trip Longer Than 5 Hours? Yes
35. Had Lice? Naw
36. Gotten My Heart Broken? Oh yeah...
37. Had A Credit Card? Debit card
38. Been To A Professional Sports Game? Yes
39. Broken A Bone? I don't think so
40. Am I BI/Gay/Lesbian? Bisexual
41. Won A Trophy? Baseball (for playing XD) and bowling
42. Cut Myself Unintentionally? All the time ._.
43. Had An STD? I think I have HPV :I
44. Got Engaged? Naw

45. Done ecstasy? Of course not >.<
46 Tried Out To Be On A TV Show? Naw
47. Rode In A Taxi? Naw
48. Been To Prom? Twice
49. Played A Drinking Game? No, but I've drunken alot before >w<

50. Stayed Up For 24 Hours Or More? Naw
51. Been To A Concert? Yes
52. Had A Three-Some? Yes, with my last ex, and it was awful >.>
53. Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex? What do you think? :P
54. Been In A Car Accident? Two. No injuries involved, though my last car got total'd last time :c

55. Had Braces? Yes -.-
56. Learned Another Language? I took a Latin class in freshman and sophomore year of high school. I remember some things X3
57. Killed An Animal? Bugs >:3
58. Been At A Yard Sale? Yes
59. Been To A Japanese Steakhouse? No? o.o
60. Wore Make Up? Naw
61. Lost My Virginity Before I Was 16? Try 18 :P
62. Talked To Someone Via Webcam? Yes. Not very exciting experiences for me ._.
63. Had My Wisdom Teeth Taken Out? Yes
64. Kissed Someone A Different Race Than Myself? My boyfriend is a bit darker than me, so technically :P
65. Snuck Out Of The House? Naw
66. Bought Porn? Who buys porn? Naw
67. Had A Virus On My Computer? I believe so
68. Had Oral Sex? Given and gotten ;P
69. Dyed My Hair? Naw

70. Gone Skinny Dipping? I wish >w<
71. Graduated From College? Not yet
72. Wore Someone Else’s Clothes? Naw
73. Voted In A Presidential Election? Tried to in 2012, but the voting place claimed I wasn't registered to vote (though I registered when I got my permit 2 years prior) :\
74. Rode In An Ambulance? Yes

75. Rode In A Helicopter? Naw .w.
76. Caught The Stove On Fire? Heavens no
77. Got In A Verbal Fight? Pretty sure I have
78. Met Someone Famous? Kinda X3
79. Been On Vacation? Yes

80. Been On A Boat? Yes
81. Been On An Airplane? No :c
82. Broken Something Expensive? I wouldn't doubt it >w>
83. Had Surgery? A couple times. Nothing from serious complications
84, Beat A Video Game? LOL NO

85, Found Something Valuable On The Ground? I don't think so X3
86. Made A Survey? Naw
87. Stalked Someone On A Social Network? I always lurk >w<
88. Prank Called Someone? Naw
89. Been To A Library Outside Of School? Yes

90. Spent Over $100 Shopping In One Day? I did yesterday XD (and pretty much whenever I go to Guitar Center >w<)
91. Cut My Hair And Hated It? Oh yeah. That's why I haven't cut my hair in 4 years :P (except for dead-end treatments)
92. Peed Outside? Fuck yeah ;3
93, Went Fishing? Yes
94, Helped With Charity? Yes

95. Taken A Pregnancy Test? -.-
96. Been Rejected By A Crush? Naw
97. Been Suspended From School? Naw
98. Broken a mirror? Yes
99. Thrown up on someone? Naw

100. Lied to your parents? Lol yeah >w>