I've been doing alot better within the last week :3, though I've still been a bit stressed :\.

I've been doing some recording (producing and mixing and stuff like that xP) with my best friend lately, who's trying to make a solo demo where he sings and plays all of the instruments to songs he wrote, so I've been keeping up with my thang lately in some way >w<. But mainly I've been trying to self discipline myself more, starting today xP (going to the gym 5 days a week and doing school work when I have to, no excuses!) so I'm gonna try that out soon with my own recording x3 (not today though :P).

That's mainly it x3.

So, last night, my girlfriend and I of 6 months had to break up, because I'm too reluctant atm to be in an open relationship, but she really wants one :\, so now we're just friends, but we still love each other, so we're still going to hang out and be intimate :3.

As for school, it could be better in some parts .-., but overall it's great ^u^. I love my production class, because I'm learning so many new things I've never even thought of before in engineering and all o3o, and we get to record our own tracks together x3. This week, we did a quick recording of a rock lineup, where I played electric guitar, and a few students played drums, bass, and Spanish guitar. It was to something I made up - while I was sitting down, ready to record something xD.

And, I got a new 32GB SanDisk for my 8 track a couple days ago, since my old 2GB one broke .-. I haven't even put it in yet to see if it even works xD

BUT, I plan to save up my money (like, alot of it xD) for better recording equipment, like a couple interphases, a few more mics (compressor mics, not just vocal ones x3), and maybe ProTools (can probably just have my friend pirate that xP), so that way my music will be better in quality :3, and because of that, more in quantity x3.

So, yeah, that's all for me :P

So, for those who asked for song requests ( drakefiar,  leothetiger, and  unnameddragon), I'm sorry that it's been so long since you guys have asked me to do this for you >.<. But don't let that mean that I forgotten about them!

For  drakefiar - my old drummer and I are going to team up soon to get the instrumental down. We just need a day to work on it together :)

For  leothetiger - I wrote lyrics a while ago, but never had a proper melody to go with it .-. Just give me time for that

For  unnameddragon - I've decided to do 'Denver, the Last Dinosaur,' so something like that should only take me a night to do, anyways x3

Please just give me more time >.<. I'm still unmotivated to do any solo work, as I've been focused on my band and school and stuff :|.

So, I've been more active on FA lately, if you haven't noticed :P. I guess I just felt more open, so to say, during and after my birthday just a few days ago, so that's kinda why x3. I've gotten over all the shit that happened to me around the spring, with losing a couple of my friends - one from going ballistic over my clingyness, and the other from ignoring me for several months - and plus, I'm finally done with high school and moving onto college, so that makes me excited too ^.^. I'm also happy with my new band, which is me on guitar, keys, and backing vocals, and my two best friends doing the drumming and bass playing (the bassist doing the main singing x3). And, I have an amazing girlfriend, so all of that is making me a happy dragon ^.=.^. All I need now is a new job xD.

As for recording, I can assure you that when I go back to college, and I start taking my recording classes, I'll most likely get back to what I was doing before xP. Right now, I'm not unmotivated, but I'm just focused on my band. I wanna make us the best we can be, so we can make some awesome punk/metal music and have fun while doing so :P. I'll probably end up doing my solo recording stuff for my softer acoustic songs, since I'm not too interested in playing bass or drums anymore :\. But I'll probably play them on occasion xP.

But yeah, I hope to learn alot in college, and I hope to gig soon :3.

I'm 19 today, so yay~ x3. I had to work a 9-5 shift today though ;A;

Sorry I haven't really been active on FA lately x.x. I just wanna let you all know that I'm doing ok, and I haven't been inactive because of depression or anything, but just rather I haven't really felt like being on lately. Plus, ever since I got my new phone a few months ago, I've been on my laptop less lately, so I've been more focused on Skype and Facebook.

As for new material, I've been trying to get back in the swing of things, but I've been more interested in focusing on working with other musicians (at the moment, my punk band), I do plan on working with my old drummer on a new original, since I have all the music written for it :3. I'm paying him with a snare drum and maybe some cash, depending on the time it takes and all x3. I just need lyrics, though I have a theme already in mind - a medieval epic x3.

I do plan on getting my requests done at some point, but I'm just really lazy - sorry x3

Weeeeeeeeeeeeew~! X3

Time for college in 3 months! :3

So, as you may know, I haven't made a new song in almost 4 months :\. I've either been too busy or too unmotivated to even bother, but you know what? Summer's finally here (for me at least XP), so it's time to get back to work from this 'hiatus.'

But, before I start to make any new material, I plan to rework some of my old stuff.

So, I'll be rerecording songs that I like, but need more work on (alot of songs go offbeat - I apologize for that ><), over time. Once the new song is uploaded, the old one will be gone, so if you listen to any of my songs, just keep your head up to anything that may be refurbished (I'll probably make a journal on any of those type of songs, just so people will have a better chance at finding out).

Tonight, however, I'll be getting rid of songs I have that I'm not really into - again ._.. This may not be an amazing decision to make, but I don't want to have songs up that I don't like. So, if a song is gone from my gallery tonight and you want it back, just send me a note, and I'll send you the file to the song through an email or something of the sort (I'll keep all of my old files on my computer ;3).

Hopefully this summer will be a productive one! ^^

Haven't made a journal in a month, so I should make a new one to keep anyone interested in my life updated.

So, tomorrow's my last official day of high school :D. It's so weird to think about it, since I've been a student there since 2009 o.o, and now I'm finally going to be an alumnus X3. All the effort I put into this year also helped too, since I only have about 1 final :3.

After I graduate, I promise to start making music again. I miss making new music :c, though I still feel like not that many feel the same way I do :\, but that's always been a weight I've been carrying since I started - I know there's people that like it, and if I spread the word more, I could get some more fans :3. I'm just kinda tied up with work at the moment, because I've been given so many hours x.x.

I've also been feeling more cynical lately, like I just decided to pretty much stop putting effort into caring about people that aren't in my close circle. I guess that's been from some loss in friendships :|, both from people irl and online, but I just got to realize that things happen for a reason, including the things we don't want to happen. I may have needed it, tbh, to recognize something vital for my path in life. It's just what I believe in - it doesn't correlate to what anyone else may believe in (unless it's the same thing XP).

This summer should help though ^u^. I got a new band going for more gigs :3, I hope to work enough hours to make at least $200 a week, and I got my girl and my friends to be with c:. Can't wait for it, though I'll actually miss high school ;w;.

I've been on Skype the last couple days, which has made me happy X3. I think I'm coming out of my big apathy stage I've had for the last month or so, and I'm coming back to my old self :D. I just hope I finally find some time to just chill online and make some more music, but work, school, friends and my current girlfriend are eating up my time, along with my laziness >w>.

Oh well X3. I feel better :3, so that should motivate me more to do what I do best... right? >w<

I'm straight... APRIL FOOLS! :P

Yeah, anyways, life's been on and off with things. I feel like I've been combating some demons, due to both small and large things :|, but now I'm overcoming :3. I have a new crush, and she likes me too :3 (she's not a fur... at least, yet XP).

I'm gonna try to get some recording done in the mean time. I've been working with my old band mate to make an acoustic duo, where we both harmonize throughout most of the songs we play, and we recorded a couple tracks last Saturday, which should be released by the end of the week :3. We're gonna continue that so we can perform this summer at some gigs, but I'm just gonna try to keep up with school and work as my main priorities, so I can graduate and finally save some cash for a few things I want XP (car stereo, crash cymbal and stand, new recording software and a 16 track (in that order)).

So, yeah X3

So, life lately has been feeling good. A couple things have arisen to try and bring me down, however, but I'm getting by.

The first is an issue revolving around a couple old bandmates :\. The singer left his drum kit at my house for a long time, and the drummer, during Christmas, replaced the heads he on it with his own he bought with a Guitar Center gift card he got for Christmas. He originally was ok with us having them, but his mom denied that, and he wanted them back for that reason. I was stupid enough to allow him to use the kit at his new guitarist's house, for my old kit back, and when I told the singer this, he got mad at me, but was even worse with the drummer o.=.o. We did make an agreement in the end - that they get a new kit, and we'd take the singer's kit back, paying $50 for the heads (they costed that much). The singer said he would leave his kit at my house if I gave him my kit, but he claims that because he was never informed about any trade until after it was done, he doesn't have to pay a penny for the heads. That left the burden on me ._., and at first I felt like there was a problem with it. I felt like I was kinda being abused over me making the mistake, and I wanted him to at least pay $10 or whatever, but I kinda realized that because he was left out of the trade, and because it was my fault for making it in the first place >.=.<, that I should pay for it. Oh well :\.

Also, I was laying in bed today, and I felt like a few friends of mine were shying away from me recently because they didn't really like me anymore ._.. I talked to a couple of them, and it turns out they're just going through a hard time, so it made me remember that people sometimes do these kinds of things because of what's happening to them, not because they hold anything against me. I feel better now, but I'm still kinda bummed, only because it's a boring day, really .w..

On the bright side, I've been getting more hours, so I'm getting more money c:, and hopefully the garden outlet opens in the beginning of April so I can work in the warm weather ^.=.^. I've been trying to get back in the swing of things, mainly with my music and friends, but I've been caught up in school and taking on more responsibility as a young adult .w.. I'm just trying my hardest to make sure I'm active in college (which requires learning some traits now and stuffs), and I'm trying to make sure I'm not a lazy butt at home X3. I was today with my aunt wanting me to shovel her driveway :\, but that was because I didn't get a good's night rest, so I wanted to stay in bed to get rested. My dad also talked to a corporation at a meeting today about selling his business, since it's been failing the last few years :c, and since they're highly interested in it - it being a food distribution business to restaurants and stores since the 20's - they're gonna buy it :D. He'll be out of work for a few weeks, because of the filing and stuff, but after that's done, he'll be an employee for them :3.

Anyways, I will try to do some work soon. I'm not certain if this month will be a good time, but I'm hoping when the warmer weather comes in April, I'll be back on my two feet (not four, because I don't have feet when I'm a feral XP), and I'll write some more things. I haven't written anything in a while, too ;w;.

Also, I've been focusing more on Yinyue too, and what he means to me. So far, I feel like he's not me, but is a part of me. Maybe I just don't sense him well enough, or maybe he's not completely present in my spirit, but he makes a significant impact on my beliefs, politics, practices, etc. I just haven't thought about it that much before .w., but it's coming, I tell ya~ X3.

This whole week has sucked for me, since I've been sick and grumpy since last Saturday :\. I've pretty much been in my house most of the week, so I feel like I'm getting cabin fever >.=.<. I had to call out from work twice this week, and I left halfway into my shift on Tuesday ._., but yesterday I worked, so at least I'll be making some money. Oh well, I guess periods like this are bound to happen, heh. I just want to go back to school, despite most of the people there being assholes anyways, and go back to my normal routine :\.

I found out on Google + that  rinvis is leaving FA for good, and his reasoning made sense to me. Then I saw a comment in that post he made, which linked to this journal:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4343379/

Now, I'm not one to be charged over one specific side, but if you're going to ignore a crime committed on a website you own, along with harassing the victim, then that would be a very good reason for me to be upset >:I.

But that's not exactly what I'm here to discuss about it, regardless of how heated the topic may be. That journal, along with my thoughts on this site (which have been around, but stored, for months), make me consider just leaving this site. Honestly, I say this because there's some reasons for me:

1. I've made so many friends on here - more than I could have imagined back on Christmas 2011. I've also made so many friends in real life too. It's like now, just making more friends will become such a hassle for me ._., so I don't really feel like getting into other people's art and lives.

2. The attention I get on here is so little, that it's practically worthless to even enter the URL. Now, I do know there are furs that care about me on here, but almost all of them I talk to with other services (Skype, Google + and Facebook). There's only 2 that I only talk to on here (you know who you are), but honestly, it's not my fault that this is the only site you use to communicate with other furs. I shouldn't have to stick to a site that I could care less about now for only 2 friends that I could talk to - even more than on here - on Skype.

3. For the reasons above, and the fact that I realized that there's just too many furs that are either only concerned about capital, or about being popular (and you know it's true ._.).

4. I focus more on my real life today than I do on my furry life. I still love being a dragon, and I still love to talk to my furfriends and RP and all, but I'm getting older now. Soon, I'll be in college, ready to focus my life to what I truly want to do - produce music for people to listen to.

5. I want to move on with things. I got to let some things go, so I may start here. It's like a miniature zit on your forehead - popping it barely does anything.

So, whether you like my reasons or not, they are what they are. I haven't officially proclaimed leaving FA for good, but I'm now officially contemplating it, and not just hiding it. I don't ask for you to do anything to change my mind, because I'm certain that my mind's made up. I'll still be a fur, but probably just more of an otherkin, because, to be honest, I don't care about furmeets and fursuits and fursonas. I just care about people, and if I got a chance to meet all of my furfriends, I would <3. But I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars for furmeets, nor will I want to prepare and go away for them ._.. I'm honestly satisfied with just being able to text or Skype my furfriends, and I love them for being human, not whatever species they are. I always care about people as they are, not whatever fursona they have. It's the way I am, and seeing how people care too much about getting famous with the furry community and/or getting somewhere with graphic yiff (though there's nothing wrong with yiff ;3, just that so many people want their fursonas in it >w<) to be famous and rich on this site, I just don't care anymore. I don't care about being well known in this fandom (though I used to, when I first started). I became a fur to meet really nice people who love me no matter who I am :3, and seeing how I got a collection already, I'm willing to stick to them~.

If I ever do join a furry site again, which I probably will within a few months or so, I may just move to SoFurry or Weasyl (even though I barely know about that site >w<), but for now, I'm just gonna put furry life on a hold, and I don't feel like FA really deserves a spot in my life.

Today, there's a big snowstorm coming to my region .w., so I have school off today ^.=.^. I also don't work today (even if I did, I wouldn't because the store closed today X3), and since the snow is supposed to get to 2 feet by tomorrow :o, I'm gonna be barred inside X3. That means that, along with schoolwork, I'll try to work on some music today :3. I have this thing I recorded a couple weeks ago that I haven't uploaded yet XD, so I'll work on it today :3. I've been studying music panning recently (it's when instruments are on certain sides of the speakers/headphones X3), so I'm gonna try to work that out with this, and future, songs. I've been putting everything in the center of the mix, so it's more boring than it could be >w<.

I've also been listening to my old stuff, and I now notice how much it sucks XD.

Although this week was off for me ;w; (band broke up (but I'll see if we want to reform), and depression and stuff :\), I'm gonna try to get some work done with recording for the next couple days.

So far, my plans were already stated in a couple journals previous, but now included is a reworking of "Beautiful Soul." Currently, I already got a satisfying improvement :), but I just need to add a few more spices before I record it >w>. I also got lyrics down for  leothetiger's request, and I listened to and looked up guitar tabs again for  drakefiar's request (I had the bass too, but I forgot it >w<). I have  taiomifox's request settled, but I need a good drum track .w.. Lastly, for  unnameddragon, I have no progress ;w;, but I vaguely remember the song X3!

So yeah, gonna be busy for me for the next 2 days owo, but right now, I need some me time X3.

So, my drummer up and left my band :\, so now we have to break up, because we have no one else to fill in :c. Oh well... I'll try to work on something, but right now, I'm just in grief. I've been in this band since the start 6 months ago, and now it's just randomly over...

So, this week I have midterms, so I have a lil more free time :3. I may spend it with my band, and even with visiting  avilion again ^.=.^, but I'll try to use some time to get a few recordings done. So far, on my plate, I have -

 drakefiar - a request for a cover of Disturbed's "Humanize"
 leothetiger - a request for a rockabilly song
 unnameddragon - a request for a cover of "Denver the Last Dinosaur"
 taiomifox - a request to use her song lyrics into a melodic thing owo.

Right now, as of today, I have the whole day free :D, but depression's getting to me ;=;, so I may spend some time alone first, maybe go to the driving range for once, since I'm kinda interested in golfing again. After that, I'll try to do  drakefiar's request first, since he requested it last year .w..

Sorry about not making a journal in a month :\, but I've just been more distant from FA recently to focus on other things.

Currently, I'm just working with my band so we can be prepared to gig this summer, which I hope we do. School's also been in the way, and just laziness :\.

Also, last night, my sister and her friend got into a terrible car accident. They're both ok - my sis has a broken clavicle and her friend has internal bleeding in, I think, her kidney :\ - but her car's totaled :\, so now she has to heal, while we go through insurance and all that jazz. Luckily, it wasn't her fault, because the guy was taking a left on a green light, but he didn't have the right of way because it wasn't a green arrow. They guy was going really fast, and she was going 35 on a 40 MPH road, and luckily no one was behind her, since the road (it's also right by my house) is usually dead around 10 (the time the accident happened). I'm just glad that she and her friend are alive, though my mom almost had a breakdown when I drove them to the scene (they had a couple drinks, and I was about ready to go to bed until I ate, then went to my basement to play guitar for a bit - while down there, my dad asked if I could drive them to the scene). Luckily I had work today at 1, so I could sleep. I was at the hospital until 11:45, then my parents allowed me to be dismissed to get rest, since I was about to fall asleep >.=.>. They ended up coming home an hour after I left, and my sister's dog was able to get off my bed then X3.

So, there's a story to make up for my absence, lol. I'll try to be more active here, but I can't guarantee much time :\, and I'll try to make some new recordings. Since I'm starting to really take this craft seriously now, I'm gonna work harder to make them sound better >w<.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4138168/

If there's anyone who lives in Russia, or has someone they know in Russia, try to help him out by giving him some short of shelter. Try to donate too, if you can - I'll let you make the decision though <3

So this week has been a bit on and off for me. I had to deal with my bank again :\, since I lost $20 I transferred Friday night on Saturday due to pending transactions, so I only had $-3 for a balance. I had to balance it from negative to positive from the rest of my savings, and even before then I decided to stop using my debit card except for emergencies or online purchases, and that any money I spend will be in my wallet and any money I save will be in my savings. I'll probably keep $50, maybe $100 in my checking just in case, because you never know X3.

I've also been going to the gym again, since I finally got back in my workout mood ^.=.^. I went on Friday night and Tuesday night, and both times I felt great (but sore X3) at the end. I just don't go every night because of the soreness and because of time management. I'll try to start going at least a couple times a week though, maybe mornings to boost my energy for the day :3.

But pretty much, that's all that's been going on really. That and me becoming more interested in literature again, along with losing the drawing flavor :\. It's because in my art class, we're doing self portraits, and I just hate it because it overwhelms me >.=.<. In fact, we had homework due tomorrow where we'd draw the face of a real life person that wasn't us (family, friends, famous people, etc.), but I decided not to bother once today came. I'm already going to college and not only is this an elective course, I already have a good grade in art. Plus, I'm not gonna major in drawing or painting or graphic design, so oh well.

But, I do wanna write and read more now >w<.

Hope everyone gets nice and stuffed with food with family and friends X3.

My school's planetarium's projector is from the 50s >.=.<, so my astronomy teacher is hosting a fundraiser again this year to try and buy a state-of-the-art, brand new one. He's been doing this for several years, where he holds a car wash to obtain tips. However, this doesn't make enough cash, so what he also does is have us go to people we know, and ask for "pledges." These pledges work like this:

- We ask someone for their help
- They pledge a certain amount for each car that's washed during the car wash (average amount of cars washed per year is usually 50)
- The amount that's pledged for each car is usually something small (about 5 cents to 50 cents a car), and each pledge usually totals up to around $5-$10.
- I ask multiple people, like 20, for pledges, and if each pledge is around $5, I get $100.
- My teacher, who also teaches chemistry, has 120 students. If each student gets $100 of pledges, we get $12,000 (not to mention the tips during the wash!)

SO, I make this journal to ask to anyone who cares for a pledge. The car wash is hosted sometime around spring (I'd say April), so if I start now with you guys, and you guys tell your friends, who tell their friends and so on, my teacher could raise a whole ton of money from my check owo. So, if you wish to help, and you have friends who wish to help too, send me a note of your pledge :3, and then after the wash, I'll post a journal of how many cars were washed. Then to donate, you can go to Paypal and send your pledge donation to rockfan231[at]gmail.com :3. If you do this for me and for my teacher, I will love you forever ^.=.^, and the future generations of my school will be able to enjoy astronomy in its latest technology c:.

Thank you ^.=.^ <3

So, today was my dad's birthday; he's 54 now. I also did a lot of errands today x.=.x, but it made the day very productive :3. I was actually able to go to a library and do my homework XD, which was very helpful because if I didn't, I would have been too distracted to finish it before some obscure hour like 12 o.=.o. I'm also saving money up for future things, like an amp repair, a car stereo, an iPod, maybe a new phone, college, travel, etc. X3.

I say travel too because there're a lot of furs that I would wanna meet irl and hang out with (I'm sure you know who you are ;3).

Well, the last couple of days have been rather emotional. I'm still trying to find my soul mate, which has spurred some loneliness and anger, and I'm still trying to figure out certain things in my life.

Currently, I understand now that I'm looking forward to going to college, getting a career in record production, meeting new people, etc. I also understand that whatever I do now is not going to last forever, and that whatever people do is their decision - you can only warn them or advise them so much.

I mean, I don't really know what to say exactly >.=.<, and I don't even know why I'm making this journal, but I guess I'm trying to say that I've been slugging on trying to advance on being a better person. I've been too emotional and too lazy - that needs to stop. I need to start remember what I have in my life, who really matters to me, and that I can only love so many people. Once people just start rejecting what I say and what I do, even if it may be from personal reasons towards the attacker, I just can't bear with them anymore. I can't be a saviour, and I certainly cannot be anyone's God - I am just a human being. I'm just a guy who likes to make, produce and edit music, who likes men more than girls and believes he's a spirit in a human body and an Eastern dragon. I can't do everything :I.

Anyways, I'll end this journal saying that this has given me more hope in life now :D. I just wish things would go by faster so I can achieve what I want now >.=.<.