I know I made a journal about this yesterday X3, but I made this one to inform anyone who cares that I most likely won't be online for the week :\, but I'll try >w<! My mom told me that one of the towns we frequently visit while we're there has wifi, so I'll try to be on Skype and Facebook and all, but it'll be in public so try to keep any conversations we have mundane X3. I probably won't be on FA for that reason because I don't wanna scroll through a furry website in public, where porn is relevant everywhere X3.

The month I finally turn 18, and the month I finally get a week's break from my job >w<! I'm glad to say that July kicked ass for me most of the time :3, so I hope this final month before returning to 'prison,' aka the learning board lol, is even better ^.=.^!

But yeah, I turn 18 on the 21st, so I can finally do stuff lol, and on Sunday I head out for the week with the folks, but I'll try to get some internet connection (since it's in the middle of New Hampshire Xp) and I'll try to write some tunes while I'm up there c:.

Also, I finally get part time again - 4 to 8:30 instead of 12 or 1 to 8:30. Huzzah, more sleep X3!

I'm still bi, lol

I got a new HP 14" Pavilion g4 laptop :D, so I finally don't have to deal with a hunkajunk X3! I also still have to go to work tomorrow at 12 instead of 4 :\, and I'm comfortable with being gay lol.

That's all X3

http://www.youtube.com/user/BigD2895

This page has a couple songs we did, but there's supposed to be 3 (2 atm :\). I hope you like :3!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3704788/

Warning: it's something depressing... :'C

So, this is more than just a journal on my sexuality, but whatever X3. I do feel comfortable with being gay now, so I'm just gonna identify myself as that ;). Again, vaginas/tits don't gross me out or wanna vomit or anything XD, but it's simply not the same. Sorry ladies Xp.

In other news, I will be getting a new laptop early this week so this computer will be trashed :D! And I got new speakers, but I haven't really tested them out yet so idk exactly how they are X3. They'll be better than my old ones that keep blowing out in one of the channels X.X.

It's been a complicated process just about since the day I turned 13. And you know, I think now I truly know what I can identify myself as sexually. It's something I should have just done a long time ago, but I guess now I can kinda feel comfortable with it.

So yeah, I'm gay.

I don't know 100%, but I feel like I really am. It's just I think of myself being with another woman, and I don't mind it, but it just doesn't feel the same :\. It's not vaginas/tits gross me out or anything, but it's simply not the same. That's really all I can say about it. I'm certain this is for sure.

I just hope it is... >.<

So, one thing to mention: if you remember me saying I was gonna grow a beard about 2 weeks ago, well I decided to shave off the goatee I was growing and just keep the stache :\. Sorry, but I was getting irritated with having it lol.

ANYWAYS, I got a debit card today, the deadends off of my hair, a new drummer with a few videos on Youtube (one up atm here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7DC.....ture=autoshare), and throughout the week I've been working 12-8:30 5 days a week O.O. It's good though because next week's paycheck will help me with getting a new laptop I wanted, an ASUS 15" which is only like $330 but still has good memory (4GB) and enough space (350 GB; this computer I have only has about 38 GB >.>). Plus if I buy it next week I'll be able to take it with me to vacation, which will be around August 4-August 12. Within that time I obviously won't have any full band recordings done :P, but I will still write acoustic tunes (which I'll probably record outside like I did in Watatic a couple weeks ago owo) and record them with my eight-track :3. Don't expect me to have any wi-fi though because it's in a very remote place in New Hampshire >.<, but I'll try Xp.

Stolen from my dad  avilion owo

A - Age: 17
B - Bed size: I think a queen
C - Chore you hate: Any if it's done before 10 AM
D - Dog's name: Foxeh
E - Essential start your day item: The PC
F - Favorite color: Rainbow (the best I could think of X3)
G - Gold or Silver: Gold (well, duh! X3)
H - Height: About 6', 1"
I - Ireland or Italy: Ireland because you can get drunk off of cheap beer Xp
J - Job title: Garden outlet associate and musician
K - Kid(s): Thank God there's none..
L - Living arrangements: Parent's house
M - Mom's name: Olivia
N - Nicknames: Tsar, Rob
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: None that I know of
P - Pet Peeve(s): People who don't listen, ever.
Q - Quote from a movie: "I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHAFUCKIN' SNAKES, ON THIS MOTHAFUCKIN' PLANE!" - Snakes on a Plane (have yet to see it XC, but we all know that quote anyways X3!)
R - Righty or Lefty: Righty. Pure righty...
S - Siblings: One sister
T - Time you wake up: Usually early in the morning if I need to do something before 12. Other than that usually around 9 or 10
U - Underwear: Undies :3
V - Vegetables you dislike: Carrots (there's no flavor and they're hard to chew DX!)
W - Water or land: Water
X - X-rated or PG: PG if I'm not in the mood ;3
Y - Yesterday's best moment: It's a little personal... X3 <3
Z - Zoo favorite: I liked the zoo in Stoneham, I think it was there at least X3.

I saw this on  the-eternal-rainbow's page, but it was after I saw it on  avilion's page I decided to steal it OwO!

Would You...
[] Push me into a wall and kiss me?
[] Come To My House To Do Nothing But Chill?
[] Slap Me?
[] Have Hard Core Sex With Me?
[] Slap Me If I Asked You To?
[] Lick/Suck My Neck?
[] Let Me Lick/Suck Your Neck?
[] Watch A Movie With Me?
[] Take Me Out To Dinner?
[] Take A Shower With Me?
[] Take Me Home For The Night?
[] Let Me Sleep In Your Bed?
[] Let Me Sleep In Your Bed (With You)?
[] Take Me Anywhere With You?
[] Repost This For Me To Answer Your Questions?
[] Lock Me In Your room And Take Advantage Of Me?
[] Let me lock you in your room and Take Advantage of you?
[] Make me breakfast?
[] Tickle Me?
[] Let Me Tickle You?
[] Stick Up For Me If Someone Was Being Mean to Me?
[] Instant Message Me?
[] Greet Me In Public?
[] Hang Out With Me?
[] Hold my waist from behind while we are out?
[] Bring Me Around Your Friends?

Do You...
[] Miss Me?
[] Love Me?
[] Think I'm Hot?
[] Think I'm Cute?
[] Think I'm Ok?
[] Think I'm Ugly?
[] Want To Kiss Me?
[] Want To Cuddle With Me?
[] Want To Date Me?
[] Want To Love Me?

Am I...
[] Sweet?
[] Funny?
[] Cool?
[] lovable?
[] Adorable?
[] Great To Be With?
[] Attractive?
[] Mean?

Have You Ever...
[] Thought About Hooking Up With Me?
[] Found Yourself Wanting To Kiss Me?
[] Wished I Were There?
[] Had A Crush On Me?
[] Wanted My Number?
[] Had A Dream About Me?
[] Been Distracted By Me?
[] Thought About Fucking Me?

Are You...
[] Happy You Know Me?
[] Thinking About Me?
[] My Friend
[] A Freak-A-Leak

It's 1:35 AM, so idk why I'm making a journal on here now :S. But anyways, I'm gonna try and work on the requests I still owe within this week. I don't wanna disappoint anyone :C. Also, I decided to grow a goatee instead, so it'll go with my stache :{.

I saw this on  taiomifox's Tumblr so I decided to answer them :3!

1. Height: about 6', 1"
2. Shoe Size: about 12 and a half
3. Sexual Orientation: (about) bisexual, male pref
4. Do you Smoke? on occasion, but only if it's present and it's with someone I trust
5. Do you Drink? nope
6. Do you Take Drugs? although I may seem like it thanks to my personality (for those of you who really know me :P), I am not
7. Age you get mistaken for: 20s
8. Have Tattoos? nope
9. Want any tattoos I may get one of two dragons battling on my chest when I turn 18 OwO, but I need to lose some weight for that :\
10. Got any Piercings? nope
11. Want any piercings? nope
12. Best friend? Cheznick
13. Relationship status: single
14. A turn on: nipple play X3
15. An embarrassing story: umm... one time in 6th grade, I went to the bathroom during social studies, and the door was locked, so I got pissed and asked the teacher when he opened it, "why'd you lock the door!?" and everyone laughed with one girl dragging on the incident the rest of the year :\
16. Favorite Movie: probably Dark Knight at this point, but I haven't watched movies in a while :\
17. I’ll love you if: you get me Hammond organ :3
18. Someone you miss:  athus
19. Most traumatic experience: Idk tbh :\. I've been in one car accident involving another vehicle, I almost went headon in a car accident because I was on the wrong side for a few seconds, I almost decided to commit suicide twice, and I smashed my head into a metal box when I was younger and I was sledding >.<
20. A fact about your personality: I'm 25% hyper X3 (along with 25% caring, 25% logical and 25% emotional (yeah, I break the rules. SO WHAT Xp!?))

 smartass~eyebrows, one of the first furs I met here and an amazing artist, has decided to leave FA. He's not gonna harm himself, because it's not from emotional problems or anything. He just wants to leave the fandom and leave it behind in the dust. I'm pretty sad to see this happen :C, but it's his decision, and life goes on. So I'm just gonna say goodbye, and carry on with the ones I love and the passions I (still) have.

I'm gonna grow out a beard again :w: (that's an emoticon with four eyes :P). I say 'again' because I did no-shave November :P

So I can't seem to upload music to last.fm without it saying there's an error :\. I guess I'll try it tonight, and hopefully it'll work then so you guys can download the music from there if you'd like :3.

So I just got back :3, and it was a nice thing I did, because I really learned a new concept O.O.

I guess I've spent too much of my time dreaming alot. I used to fantasize about everything, especially really personal things, but now I have to let go and move on with a realistic sense of, well, reality X3. I guess this is mainly from the fact that before I dated my now ex-girlfriend, I used to dream of someone special coming along and saving me from my worries and blues :3, but I know that's not real and I have to work on it myself. I also used to keep the belief that  athus would come back and keep  narse happy again, but I know that he's far beyond us now, soaring the skies, so I have to just let him go and move on. It's so hard to though because I always felt like we could have been amazing friends :C, but I just have to wait. In the mean time, I just gotta keep doing what I do, and be with the people I love :3.'

I didn't get to the peak, in fact nowhere near :\, but I did get that tip, and after that I decided to leave. Of course, I didn't leave without music and photos :P, so I will (try >.<) to upload those today :). The two songs I recorded have some 'natural background sounds' that you may or may not enjoy X3, but I actually think I did a good job composing them :D. And I have a special pic I wanna upload soon, but just hang on for those ;)!

So my girlfriend of 6 months and I broke up today at the end of our date, because we don't feel the same way anymore. Don't worry though!, because I took it ok and we're still friends :3. It's just it's not like it was back in January, so I'm single again and already loving it O.O. Probably gonna stay single for a while, because I'm not interested in finding someone new atm. But the beach was still fun :3, and I'll probably go back tonight >w<.

As for the rest of what's going on, my friend is going to get a job at my workplace because they want a new part time cashier :D, and tomorrow I'm going to the mountains like I said :3. Gotta wake up around 4-5 for that >.<, but I'll do it to have a mystical day in nature ^w^. Hopefully I'm gonna get some songs done, and maybe see some nice scenes and feel good about them :).

So yeah, don't worry about me, I'm ok. I may feel a little upset from time to time, but since the relationship ended peacefully with her being ok with it, I'm totally fine :), and plus I get new doors opened again ;3. (No, I will not do long distance relationships, because I could never do one unless I was really desperate :\).

I'm getting writer's block :|, because I keep trying to compose stuff for the band but nothing is working out for me. Oh well, at least on Friday I'll be going up a couple mountains, one that's about 200 feet and another I'm gonna pick out in a second that's at least 1,000 feet. I just want to spend the day purely to myself to hike, enjoy nature and try to get some songs down, since I'm gonna bring my guitar with me of course :3. Gonna be a nice day, and tomorrow too because I'm going on a date as well :D.

(>;w;)> <(;u;<)

^w^

My computer is probably at its peak in derpiness right now -.-, because I can barely upload anything without it freezing on Firefox. I have Chrome now too and it can't upload anything because it won't select the file, and after you have the box to select your file show up once, it doesn't come back until you close the tab and open a new one :\. So, probably Wednesday night and Thursday morning before I go on a date, I will try to fix up the computer in any way I can so I can make it run good again. Until then, don't expect any new uploads :C (not like I have anything new yet anyways Xp).

But you know what I just realized? All the dragons on here either have no hair or long hair. Why is that O.O?

Also, "Word of God Pt. II" has some spoken word parts completed, but the rest will be finished tomorrow, for I gotta go to bed >w<.

Today went by pretty smoothly. Just went to work and minded my own buis as usual. My sis's bag did get stolen while she left it hidden under a towel for a few minutes at the beach when she went to get something, idk what, and it had her car and house keys, license, money, iPod, SS card, other expenses too, one from my deceased grandma (may she RIP), which was a coach wallet. My parents, probably just my dad, but idk, had the car towed so the robber can't steal that too, and he went out to buy new locks/keys for the house so nobody comes in and does gruesome actions OmO. My mom will have to call the bank tomorrow on her social security, which I hope the robber didn't get to yet, because obviously then her identity can be stolen. I think though in the end everything will work out, though my sis does have to buy a new iPod and bag, and she'll probably need a new license too. Sucks for her :C, but it just shows that you can't leave your stuff behind in such a vulnerable way; you gotta carry it or lock it up. But like I said, things will be okay, and I'm calm so don't worry if you're thinking that someone's gonna invade our house or get into our accounts or whatever X3. As for now, I'm gonna work on the spoken word for "Word of God Pt. II," so I'll try to get that uploaded tonight. For now, have a safe day/night (depending on your time zone :P).

Holy mother, was that a show OwO! My gf was screaming in excitment, and at times crying :O, and I was just, "YES!" It was epic, and Roger Waters dedicated the show towards political resistance rather than his personal issues, so it just shows the old man's finally not an arrogant bugger Xp (if you know the history of Pink Floyd, you'd know what I'm talkin' about). I mean, I don't even believe that I even saw it it was that awesome :D! I didn't need ear plugs either X3. When the show ended though, we, as in my gf and her sister, had to be jammed in a crowded subway and wait 20 mins for their dad since the train closed before we could get to our stop -.- (friggin' Boston...). But still, it was amazing X3! I need to shower, lol.

So, I won't have time before the concert to upload "Word of God Pt. II" or some old jams I sent to my email through my phone, but I will clean up my gallery since alot of what's on there is either unsatisfying or just plain dumb :\. I plan to upload the songs though throughout the week, but I actually have to still add spoken words to "Word of God Pt. II," so that may take a bit of time.

EDIT: I finished. I cleaned up by moving most of the mashups to the scraps, along with ideas and other things like that, and I got rid of alot of songs that eiher just sucked (no other way to describe it) or have potential but should be worked on before being posted. I'll still keep the files in case people want (a) certain song(s) back up ;)