so, second (maybe third?) time writing this journal because the first time I wrote it, I got so sick I couldn't finish and post it then went back into hospital for more tests and yadda yadda. Boo.

I have no diagnosis, no true solutions and I am still deeply, gravely ill. Constantly. This has become just part of my life now, weak, bed bound mostly and so many hours spent in the bathroom curled over in agony. It's just part of my life. It's not really any way to live, hell, it's not even anyway to die. I'd rather go out fighting than this slow decline into fragility. I am trying to be brave, and I force myself to leave the house at least once a week to sit with friends at my local game place (because holding a 2 inch tyranid in my hands while people talk about space wars is about as much as I can handle with a smile on my face). I don't want to die alone in the bathtub surrounded by medication, oddly enough, which seems a stark contrast to what the health system would prefer I do rather than 'hassle' them.

While in hospital, I was treated so poorly. I was originally going to explain more of it, but I am actually traumatized. And I don't want to. So much so its awoken past, unrelated trauma for me I mainly forgotten about, such as witnessing a plane crash when I was young which now constantly comes back to me in nightmares. Other events in my life are coming back as well, long repressed. What the hospital did to me that night is going to fester in me for so long, and many of you might chant 'sue them!!!' or take legal action, however when telling my family about it OH BOY turns out my mother had something pretty much the EXACT same shit happen to her when she was my age. And despite taking legal action and trying to get a resolution, all that did was waste her time and money and leave her more broken (emotionally and physically even) than before, which, no doubt, was in fact the plan for most of these hospital legal disputes. They wear you down till you give up. It also comes down to your word against the 'professional' word. Even though I have literal video and photo evidence of me being left in blood soaked gowns and I know their documents state what they did to me; Because I found my folder sitting on the desk and flicked through it and read their patient notes before they spotted me. I was actually shocked how there was more action to stop me reading my file than there was to help other people around me on the ward.

People were screaming in agony on my ward, rolling on the floor in bodily fluids and were ignored, but me holding a blue folder had them rushing out their seats, all up in fucking arms.
I took time to sit with the other patients and talk about what medication they were taking, what kind of food and drink they were being given (because i noticed some were literally not getting any water refills) and helping them as best I could. One patient asked me 'How long have you worked here?' and the heartbreak on her face when I had to explain that, no, I am a patient too; ooooh that stark realization that the only person who had given her a moment of time and care wasn't even meant to? Yeah, that's going to colour my outlook on life forever. And my lard ass is not going back to hospital unless its completely unconscious or in a body bag. Preferably the latter.

I duno what else to say. I'm sorry to my five last long overdue orders on my website, and to my kind commissioners who are waiting for their nice artwork scans (shits legit my best work IMO, i got really good at pencil work during covid me thinks). I will do what I can as soon as I can, know that I would much rather be making dildos, drawing furry stuff and creating cute silly things for you all than what I am currently doing (which is lying on the cold hard floor). Some days are good (with loads of pills which results in other issues) and some are so unfathomably bad. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, I truly wouldn't. It also brings out my mental disabilities, the autism is so repressed and rears up, people are always shocked by that. You shouldn't be, anyone who crossed 5 words with me should know lol

Eh, least Im reading and writing a lot more when I can, 40k books have been really fun, especially enjoying all of Guillimans adventures since he woke up, and Avatar 3 to look forward to in Dec! Oh boy oh boy I love blue people in space, I sure do. dee da dee daaa deeeeeee

tell me if your excited about avatar 3 in the comments, or what armies you have in aos or 40k or HH too. I would like to read :> yee

Just to let people know, I've been suffering for a few months now with a serious illness. Im very sick and been to hospital twice (A&E gave me a fucking overdose on morphine and traumatized me, ill explain when im not medicated out the ass) and I'm going to hopefully get some news on thursday 15th may with test results.

I still plan to be at cfz with Trogan, Zoid and Dennis but I do not know currently. Whatever the case, the stall will be there with the stuff and Trogan will take over. I may get surgery at that time if it is what they suspect it is (but they dont know and I hope it isnt because i am scared of the surgery) so wont be there but we will see if I am there.

Ok thank you, love you all, be good. I will update this journal with updates as i get them

I have a lot of adopted designs and characters that I never really show anyone outside of my select circles of friends. Friends I can trust.

I know a few people who have glanced at my 'cast' of characters have expressed a sense of anger or, idk, judged me for 'hoarding good adoptables' or something. I have like 200+ of them amassed over around 15 years now.

I doodle my adopts here and there as I please, in private, and I rework them, evolve them and develop them for stories I write constantly with my many friends in private chats. Many of the characters also flesh out worlds I write as important background OC's or supporting cast, with the ability for someone to interact with them more if the plot required it, or if they were interested in them. A shop keeper may become pivotal to hiding a cast of my friends characters in the later stages of a story when before she was just a vague background OC. A rumor of a demon living on a mountain might start an entire plot line for a farm of goat-monsters. Another may be a long lost brother for a handsome stranger looking for the rest of his family in an unfamiliar city. Or I might completely rework a fluffy black and white dragon beastie into the fighter jet pilot on an alien moon.
Guess that's up to me, isn't it?

I love having a wide selection of characters to choose from, and I like supporting artists by purchasing those adoptable characters every now and then with some spare cash I make from my day job. And in these dire days, when most people making art for a living are now being broken down and undervalued as it is, I assume selling some cute pony adoptables to me is pretty neat. So don't be so sour. Don't be so blue~

Anyway
Hope your all good, my lil kittens. I'll keep sporadically posting artwork whenever I can!! Some of you may have noticed my artwork being published lately in a few places! Which is nice! I've been suffering from a few health problems, as you do when your long in the tooth like me, but I am so well loved and have such lovely friends around me. Blessed.
I can't wait for xmas and to see my wonderful family too! We had a few very sad losses this year, they are so missed, but so grateful to have known them and had the chance to love them. And I am thrilled about the new additions to the family, and the hope for more in 2024. There is always time for more family members, more friends and giving a warm home to furry little fuzzies again.

No i didn't die of covid but thank you for your concerns, they are valid, Uk is like a hot teabag right now.

I'm posting art again, getting old stuff posted I sat on for years. And going to try spread it to other platforms.
Hope you all are doing well in these dark days.

Back from Christmas with the family.

Was difficult, my emotional state has faltered hugely in the past three months and continued to do so. I am trying hard to continue working- and have happily made wonderful expansions to my artwork in the process. But I am finding this hard. And I am pretty exhausted from trying to put on a façade of happiness when honestly I am in a bad place with myself. It will improve though, I am expecting.

But all the same I am extremely productive (you can't be sad if you don't have time to think) and have lots of projects to get on with. I hope to continue working on my large images and my other 3D work through this year.

You will notice nothing is being posted up lately- this is due to me wanting to keep back my bigger illustrations for a book I am putting together slowly and surely. I am also holding off my work as I put together new places to host my artwork online (as well as FA).

I need to E X P A N D where I post my work- thanks to Tumblr just shitting out it's ass for no real good reason.
I have several places set up which I shall flesh out in the next few weeks slowly and surely. :) I hope you enjoy seeing me on other hosts as well as FA and Twitter x

Thanks all for support.

Sup

Back from america, unlikely to go back for a long time. The experience was... something.


Other than that, i am prepping for a big thing in May (not CFZ) which I hope everyone gets excited for. My trial run went unbelievably well and I have now invested the entire expansion with the profits made. So I am thrilled about that.

Other than that I am just finishing off all my older commissions over the next few weeks and over Christmas. Please note- while I am finishing them off, most of them I will not post publicly. For a selection of reasons. But it doesn't matter.

I am also going to be using a lot more websites to spread my work around now. I will set them all up while at parents home over xmas. This is mainly due to tumblr self destructing like a bunch of useless shit we all knew it was lol. I'll start linking my other hubs of artwork on my submissions and the like in future. Gotta spread out.

One nice thing is a lot of artists I love a lot have come back/made a new FA account and I get to have all my favs in one place. Hahahah yay.

Edit 2020:
I no longer wish to do 2D Commissions. This is a legacy post.

Please check out my commission price list here; http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/killveous/

What I offer:


Please click the Commission Info Tab up top next to my Gallery, Journal etc link for what is available. Here http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/killveous/



Please NOTE me if you want a commission!
Thanks!




Rules:

What I enjoy Drawing and Well Experience On

Equines: Such as Horses, Ponies, Zebras, Donkeys, Mules, Unicorns, Pegasus etc

Birds: Such as Crows, Ravens, Jackdaws, Hawks, Owls, Eagles, Small birds like Robins, Tits, Sparrows, Pigeons etc

Dragons: Such as European, Wyvern, Frost, Chinese Lung, Japanese Lung etc Skyrim dragons especially.

Reptiles: Such as Crocodiles, Alligators, Snakes, Lizards etc

Pokemon: Any Generation, Fan made pokemon welcome too!

Marvel and General Comic Chars: I like super heroes and super villains a whole lot!

Robots: All sorts of mecha and machines, androids and the sort. My speciality.

Digimon: Some Digimon can be very complex and may push the price up slightly however gen 1-3 is generally easy and known to me.

Themes;
Vore Mouthing, Swallowing, Stomach expansion, Wriggling etc. Will only do digestion in special magical cases.

MLP Natural (Feral) or Anthro. Any maturity as long as ponies are adults (Example; I will not draw sexual images of Sweetie Bell who is displayed as a young, underage pony).

What I will NOT DRAW.

Pedophlila: Child/Cub/Chick Pornography. I will not draw any art that depicts minors (Under 18) In any sexual acts or situations.

Zoophilia : None fantasy, real animals engaged in sexual acts. Fantasy animals (including ferals but whom are sentient) are perfectly fine, but any real animals is not.

Coprophilia: Scat or vomit work. I will not draw poop or puke in sexual ways. Funny ways is ok. Diapers also fall under this and I will not draw them. Farting too for fetish reasons is out. Farting for giggles is fine.

Zoosadism: Hurting innocent animals, only for things like cutting kittens and puppies up in a disrespectful way- hunting deer and such is fine, Hurting people (sentient beings including adult furries) in dramatic scenes is fine too (such as scenes of fantasy knights or space marines fighting).

Rape: I will not draw any scenes where it is clearly a rape situation- where one participant is clearly not consenting in anyway. This is personal. Molestation and other acts will not be considered either without consent. Do not ask me for rape scenes.

Torture: I will not draw scenes of over elaborate torture without some form of context that this isn't real abuse and is in fact agreed play. This includes electrocution, cutting, piercing and chaining.

Sexual Mutilation: I will not be drawing any acts of mutilation to genitals. This includes castration, circumcision and labiaplasty which I personally heavily frown on in reality unless needed for legitimate medial reasons and not just aesthetic looks and public opinion.

Homophobia, Sexism, Transphobia, Racism/Speciesism: Unless for a important plot in a story about why this is wrong, I will not draw anything that degrades Homosexuals, any particular genders or Trans characters. I will also not draw anything that pokes fun at other races or animal species without plot reasons which illustrate why it is wrong.
I am especially opposed to showing females or trans characters in disrespecting and degrading situations.

Condoms or other Contraceptives : Drawing them in a 'sexy way', often Hyper way. Personally I do not enjoy drawing contraceptives- especially 'Condom Play'.

Over the top Random crazy stuff : I won't draw a dragon growing dicks out its eyes or something like that seriously. Maybe for a laugh, but not for larger more intricate pictures.


How Work In Progress (WIP) pictures work.

Please note there is no guarantee your work will have photos.

WIP shots will be given on my digression. Small changes can be made when in early stages however I of course can not change an image once it is inked. I CAN NOT CHANGE INKED LINES for the last time.

You can not ask upfront for WIP images unless your commission price exceeds £100 (not including postage).

If your picture is over £100 then I will give up to two WIP shots with a chance for you to change any details you like.

If your picture exceeds $500 then I will offer web cam edits to your work and the chance to see me working in real time.

If your picture exceeds £1000 then you probably have brought part of my spleen and I will need it back.


Terms and Conditions can be found here --> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1859750/

I don't do trades unless with very close friends

I don't do collabs either unless with very close friends

You are welcome to ask and I am welcome to turn you down. Sorry ;3

-Killve

Here is an up to date record of my terms and conditions.

It is the buyers responsibility to read these conditions before commissioning me. Sending me any form of payment is an agreement that they have read, understood and accept these following terms and conditions.


Commissioned Artwork:
I reserve the right to post any and all artwork I do for commissioners on any online site I choose unless the commissioner(s) asks prior that the work be kept private. Only when asked up front before the work is completed will I agree not to post the artwork elsewhere in galleries like FA. I however own the rights to post it on my own publications (personal website) no matter what the case. The artwork will always belong to me and the rights to use the work, no matter what, will belong to me. If work is asked not to be posted on my personal online galleries (like FA, DA, etc) but is later posted by the commissioner(s) elsewhere, especially if that elsewhere is a pay-per-view or a site without outside advertisements (not by other artists) then you will be notified, the artwork will be removed and you will be black listed.

When posting the artwork made for commissioners, I will get no secondary money gain if,and only if the commissioner asks upfront before completion of the work. I will not sell the artwork as prints or any other form of publication that would give me a cash profit directly when asked.A slight price increase may be applied where viable in these cases.

I always reserve the right to use my artwork however for advertising, examples of my work and in some cases may wish to include images in printed media (such as books), in those cases make the client aware at my digression depending on the artworks content.

If the artwork is traditional, I reserve the right to sell the original illustration to whomever I choose unless the client has asked me upfront for the original picture personally. In those cases, the client will need to pay for shipping upfront as well. I also reserve the right to edit the original artwork in whatever way I feel; including but not limited to shading, colouring or digitally remastering.

Commissioners are not allowed to use my direct artwork for profit without fully explaining the situation to me and being granted my full consent to use the artwork for a money gain. I will rightfully ask for a share of any profits being made from my artwork. This includes but it not limited to things such as prints, convention badges (for others), advertisements etc

Your own personally created characters and designs remain yours and you will be credited on their design and creation (if this is the case) on my submission information if asked (though usually people can go figure). If you desire to have strict and obvious credit placed about the specific character; please simply ask for that to be changed at your digression and this will be fixed as soon as possible. I sometimes forget whose character belongs to whom (especially with large group commissions with many different owners) and need simple reminding. I will nearly always simply say this is a commission for [clientusername] and that is default.

I will never refuse to credit someone's character once I have been paid for my work.

Adoptables and Designs
Adoptable characters and any design work I create myself for sale either by one time set purchase, auction or commission (custom), belongs to the purchaser and while the original artwork cannot be used for monetary profits; work made by others of those character designs can.

Example: You purchase a monster adoptable character from me, and you illustrate that character cutely and sell it as keyrings. This is fine (as long as the illustration in question is not a blatant tracing or manip).

An exception to this is Genital Design used for adult toys and/or advertising (this meaning me making a design which you then take to a company for them to make into a product) is strictly forbidden.
All designs of sexual organs belong to me and I reserve the right to make any design (and design elements) I have created as an adult toy in future.

Customers purchasing character designs may use the designs and characters for anything else they wish, as the rights belong to the purchaser. I am not held accountable or in any way liable for whatever someone does with that design in a narrative sense once purchased.

Refunds and Returns

There is strictly No Refunds and No Returns. This includes charge backs.

Once payment has been issued and accepted by me, you will not be getting it back under any circumstances other then;
I am unable to complete work due to sickness or injury and/or subsequent death.

I am unable to complete work in a pre arranged set and fully confirmed date (You must pre arrange this date prior to making any payments).

You will not be able to get a refund because:
I changed my mind, I want my money back.
If you change your mind then you should of done it before you paid.

I suddenly can not afford the artwork and need my money back.
This is not a loan, this is paid work. Your money problems should be kept to yourself if they arise.

I do not like your style any more and want my money back.
You should have looked at my previous artwork for an understanding of quality and style. It is not my fault you commissioned me when you wanted artwork done by someone else. Or for a different price. My gallery is public and easy to access. This is not an excuse. My artwork is always adapting and growing, I am not a machine. I can't copy and print stuff perfect. This is fully understood when commissioning me.

Or any other reason other then the two stated that are valid reasons to why you should have payment returned to you.


Reposting My Artwork:
You (as a viewer) are NOT allowed to claim ownership (that you made it, and I did not) of my artwork in anyway, nor repost it elsewhere or copy (tracing included) it in anyway without my permission.

If you are the customer and you commisioned the artwork; you are allowed to post my artwork with credit on any free to view sites (such as FA, twitter etc). Just always be sure to credit me (Killveous) and put my icon down or a link back to me as the artist (tagging).


My artwork is never allowed on these following sites;
Y!gallery
SheezyArt
Tumblr (unless posted/credited to me)
Reddit and any of it's threads (unless posted/credited to me)
E621 (unless posted by me)
R34 (unless posted by me)

If my artwork is posted there then I will contact site staff in an effort to have them removed.
I will follow through with legal matters if the need arises.

If you spot my artwork on those sites- please feel free to contact me and make me aware! Thank you for your assistance.


Tracing or Copying my Artwork;

Obviously this is NOT ALLOWED EVER.

Do not trace, copy or alter my artwork in anyway what so ever with out my consent. This includes the removal of my signature or user name from the art.
People stealing my artwork will be reported not only to the site in which it is hosted but through other sites in an effort to remove any offending stolen content.

Artwork that poses a similarity to my work is not an issue, only when something has been blatantly copied/traced.

You may colour, edit or shade my work if you are the customer/gift receiver from the original customer. This is fine.


Thank you for reading. Please be sure to keep up to date on this post for any updates.