Yes, should get back on, to make some Art... but... I feel, only the "working at my job, part" of the days are getting longer... not much time for anything else...

Well, yes... working in the kitchen of a restaurant, (if you can call it that...) as a part time job... with the oven behind my back... with my sweaty T-Shirt on, that barely covers my belly, and my old jeans on my fat ass... Hehe... seen a picture exactly like this... I immediately started checking the place for any hidden cameras... So, yeah I'm fine. Maybe my last journal was overdramatic... a bit. I can be quite dramatic... when I drink... Still slow and messed internet connection down here on countryside, and still expensive... because of "war-money-inflation" as the politicians say... I suppose it can't be helped... But heck... So, would you like some noodle soup, with chilli? Can't say, we make the best here, but it's cheap!

Sorry for ghosting out, but I have a seriously broken down internet connection, so login is nearly impossible because the captcha doesn't load in... I usually give up after 10 unsuccessful attempts... Also having some self esteem problems, because I'm seriously overweight, and lately drinking more and more alcohol... So I'll probably be less active, and talkative, that's all...

Picture quality upgrade about 80% ready! Minor changes, on some pictures are now completed, and fixed a few things that were wrong, like some Text errors, and that mistake where my Fursona in Taur form had five toes, on her rear leg... The older pictures may need some adjustments, with redrawing some of the outlines as well... but, I have to admit, I'm a bit too lazy for that.

Since that "Hacker Incident" I seem to find a lot of "User has voluntarily disabled" accounts... I don't remember seeing this, so often before... Asked a friend here, and she said, some of those accounts were "suspended" months ago... well, I'm not sure... but, it's true, she's more active here, so I suppose she knows it better than me...

Because she has money... He says... Oh, what a kick in the stomach, for this poor country girl... Me. Nah, I knew what he wanted, with this little sentence... First: To make me spit out the coffee, and obviously start apologising, and cleaning, like a good girl. I'm not. Not anymore. Second: To ask him, for something stronger to drink... so after I'm "in deh mood" again, we can repeat last night... Not completely out of the question, but let me decide, when, (if) it will happen. Third: She can't have that much money, if they live in a house, looking like this... I told him this while drinking the rest of my coffee. We had a good laugh. Blonde boy is still cute, while laughing. Guess we both needed that... and it's over. He said, he's just going to wave next time we meet, without the middle finger pointing up... I would say, today's lesson was, that you have to go to bed, with people who hate you, so they may hate you less, after it... but this simply sounds, horrible. Also, probably not 100% true. Maximum respect, to the few exceptions.

Then we had some life talk... Never do this! Never have life talk with your Ex! Especially not, after having naughty fun! Especially not, with nothing on, drinking coffee, on the side of the bed! Put clothes on! Leave! No life talk! Intelligent people, know what to do! So... we had some life talk... Well, I was looking at the picture of a skinny bitch, on the side of the bed, and he told me that's his wife... (No, I didn't spit out my coffee. I'm an old whore...) ...She works in the Town's Nursery School/ Kindergarten, because she loves children. He says, this has to do something with the fact, that she's infertile, and she can never have children of her own... Not that it's a problem for him, he's fine with this... less to worry... about "protection"... Currently there's a camp for the young ones, together with their parents, "Know Nature Better" so she's camping with them, together with the other kindergarten teachers... I told him, I hope that the other female teachers, don't find their bed "pressed down", by some other women's weight... He was kind enough, to inform me, that they usually don't sleep together, his wife has a bed in her own room... Besides, it's good to have the bed "pressed down"... he was hungry to grab "something" instead of "nothing"... and unlike, his wife, I always had "something" both back and front... even if previously, not as much as currently... The biggest question came into my head: Why did you marry her then? The answer: Because she has money... You don't have life talk, with someone you broke up with. You simply don't. It's elementary, my dear.

If you have brains, you don't do things like this. It's completely pointless. Once a relationship fails, it's over. No matter, how much time passes, the personality of someone does not change. It may gain more experience, it may pick up a new behaviour, new good, bad habits, new clothes, new looks, so many things can be altered, but... underneath it's all the same. Change, how you think, can be done, but change, who is thinking... can't be done... so, if at first it didn't work, it has a big chance, it won't work, at the next try either. Unless... it was just some habit, kink, or money or other problems, or misunderstandings... Only a dumbass like me, is yawning, in the next morning, in the bed of someone, who kicked her out, long ago... Neither of us enjoyed this actually... I say to him, he was pathetic, the start was lame, I don't like a "shot in the face " he didn't "build me up" I lacked care and attention, it was just rough, and raw... He says to me, I was also pathetic, actually not caring about him at all, just "meddling" with myself, sweating a lot, not being really active, and simply falling asleep "in the middle of the action" and snoring... and... that is a very new thing to him, because I didn't snore before. Instead, I was the one, who always kicked him, if he started doing that. Well... least we both slept good then.

You think that only Official Railway Workers, come into the Official Railway Canteen? Nope. Most town folks come here, to take away food in a food box, or to eat it right here, after they paid for it. It's good food, you know! No... not really, but it's cheap. Since I was also given the nice job, to fill up the food boxes, I can meet with a lot of old friends... Old classmates, Old teachers, Old... to remind me, I also got Old... and fat. Honestly, when the leader of the "Girl Gang" who always picked on me, in Elementary School, because my Grandfather was a Gipsy, and I have Gipsy blood in me, and nice brown skin... so, when she said "You look good!" (Urgh... I really wanted to throw the food, in her smiling face, but... I need this job now... so, behave girl, behave...) I was thinking, worse can't come... Then, my favourite local Ex Boyfriend showed up, who always greets me, with a hand held up, with the middle finger, pointing also up... He didn't greet me like that now, probably because the ceiling is very low, in this old building. He was just looking... Didn't had a good look at me, last time we met at the Mall? Or is it too much to look at... I'm quite "wide" currently... Food in the box, money in my hand, bye. Over. Nope. Guess who was waiting for me, at the back of the building, after work... "Should I take you home?" Come on! This is the cheapest, oldest, lamest, most pathetic line, anyone can possibly say! He's just lucky, I'm drunk slut, and currently my confidence is down at the bottom, because I got... face the facts... fat... Any intelligent girl, knows where to kick, after hearing this line... Now, I don't have much choice... My true love, Eleonora is up in the Big City, so is my roommate... as are most normal people, I would like to have a go with... besides that little, one time lakeside fun... but it was... weeks ago... In this lame country town, I collect cobwebs under my skirt... I'm not dead yet! I'm still alive!! I swear it wouldn't be so... some of the girls, I work together, in the kitchen are really cute... but they're so "conservative"!! ...at the age of 28, and 31?! Sigh... I told my Ex... we both know, we're going to your house, the place of where you kicked me out... and we both know, it's a bad idea.

Continuing with the quality upgrade, on some pictures backgrounds, and some minor "pixel repairs", and modifications...

As I said in the journal before, I never learned Cooking... However I'm still "suspended" from my work, as the Police don't seem to leave my Boss alone... Now, staying at Mom's Farm, is a sure way to go "100% Nutz", so I started looking in the town near by, for some "part time job"... Also... being "suspended" means no pay, you know... Well, this is the time when the fact, that everyone knows everyone, in this dusty little country town, comes in handy... Noticed a cute little "Call for Work" note, at the local Post Office's "Advertising Board"... Kitchen Auxiliary Worker, or Kitchen Helper, or Kitchen Aid? Heck, don't know, how should I translate this... Working place: The Local Railway's Canteen... That shabby old place I know, even that now, there's some f*cking "modernisation" going on in the railway, that place still looks as broken down, as it did fifteen years ago... but, the best thing was, the Advertisement wrote down, the name of my future boss... Sancho!!! Okay, that's just his "nickname" in town... His original name is Sandor (Sanyi) (and the family name, that I don't write down... hehe... personal rights)... He got his nickname, because he was working in Spain... atleast I think it was Spain... and then... he decided, to come back home. To this lousy little town! Yep. There is something wrong, with the guy. As he always says: He was "Cursed"!!! Hmm... maybe it was not Spain? Mexico perhaps? Ancient Aztec Curse? Don't care. Now, a real Chef wouldn't let me in their "Big Official Kitchen", but Sancho will. He can freak the hell out of people, with this "Curse" thing, as he's always talking about it... Well, I learned one thing in the Bar, for sure, I can not only talk about anything, I can also... listen... in deep silence. Sounds unbelievable, I know, but it's true... Useful skill, when handling guys like Sancho... so, what can I say, I got the Job! Not much pay, but don't have to do much either... Bring in the potatoes, peel the onions, slice the carrots, wash the fruits... the simple stuff. For a simple, fat, country girl, like me... Perfect!

Some of my friends say, I'm fat because, I mostly eat Fast "Trash" Food... Can't argue with that... I do. They say, home made food is the best, it's healthy (well... mostly), you see what ingredients it is really made of, and you can do it, the way you like it, refining everything to your personal taste. Can't argue with that, either... Problem is, I can't Cook... Now, in the country where I live, and where the "Classic Woman Stereotypes" still kinda live hard, in everyone's heads, it's a shame. I can't help it... I'm not Stereotype... You see, at the end of Elementary School, us girls, had "Household/Housekeeping" lessons, while the boys had "Woodwork/Technical" lessons. Well, the "Household/Housekeeping" lessons, us girls had to enjoy, was really just the basic of everything... Housecleaning, Sewing/Needlework, Knitting, Cooking... stuff like that. Can't say, my marks were the best, but I managed... Then, at home, after school, Mother said: I can't wait to see what you learned... Let's cook something good... together... and in the kitchen, begin my torment. Allow me to demonstrate this, with a few sentences, that came from my, most loving Mother's mouth: Do you have the Cooking Book?! You shouldn't start, without the Book! No, you're reading it wrong, let me see! That's too much water! That's not enough, it will boil away, we need more! Oh, give it to me, you can't even do such a simple thing, as this! Did you measure it correctly?! If you didn't, it can spoil the taste! Measure it again! Let me see! Don't add too much spice! It has no taste, did you forgot to put the spice into it?! Stir it faster! If you don't stir it faster, the pastry is not going to be smooth enough! Give it to me! You can try, to do the cream! Don't stir it that fast! You spill it out!! Give it to me! Look at the mess you done! Clean it up!! Not that way, you're just making more mess!! Give me the mop, I'll do it myself! You can do the... Hey, where are you going?! You'll never learn Cooking, you little bitch, if I don't help you!!! ...So, this is the reason, why I never learned Cooking.

Checking the journals I wrote previously, with a more sober head... and I just realised... how long they are... Ugh... Alcohol, sure makes me talk a lot! More than a lot! Can't seem to shut my drunk mouth... Since I work(ed) in a Bar... (Boss still has problems, with the Police currently...), I met drunk people regularly... well, most of them didn't talk too much, they just "sank" into their problems... Looks like I'm "worse case scenario" with this, I don't just sink... I also sing... Well, the problem I think is, I'm missing eye contact here... If someone comes into the Bar, and asks for a drink, I can see their mood, written on their faces... mostly... So I know if that person is talkative, or not... If he/she/it/whatever, gives me that "Throat cut" look, I know to stop talking, or to not even start it... Poor country girl, is lost here, on the internet... Can't really figure out the mood of people here... Well... hope, you all have a good mood! Wish you the best!

Dear Half-brother says, I complain too much nowadays... about the heat... about other things... now... about the fact, that my back hurts, like heck... yes... I'm overweight... Now, with women, this comes with a nice breast growth, yeah, fat guys get it too, but not this much... Don't know, what makes it worse, to wear a Bra, or not... Lately I didn't... Can't squeeze the Bra in my Summer Dress... Together with me... Sigh... I really have to lose some weight... but, this is just complaining again... Double Sigh...

I was not kidding, when I said it was about 45°C outside! The Dusty little town, that is in the vicinity of our farm, made it into the Government TV News again, with the Postman's death... Looks like this town only appears, in the Big TV News, with Political Corruption, Death, or the opening of the New... Maximum Security Prison... As for the poor Postman, I've seen him once, working in the town. Didn't know, they sent him, to work, in the outskirts... there is no shelter from the sun, especially on those dusty roads... I felt that my heart is beating slower and slower, even in my room... Not really a happy summer, down here in the countryside...

Still 31°C temperature in my room. This currently 37 year old bitch, is not taking this so well. If I get back to the big city, I'm going to write a poem, (I've seen my roommate do it, it's not that hard), so... I'm going to write a poem: Glory to the inventor, of the "Air Conditioner"... one of the things, we DON'T have down here, at the farm...

As wrote before, I did a little shopping today, with my half-brother, at the Mall of that dusty little town, that's in the vicinity of our farm. Yeah, looking for some decent clothes to wear, in my current size... and I was so lucky, that we run into one of my ex boyfriends... Didn't had a long talk, he just gave me his usual greeting, with his hand held high, with the middle finger up... Oh well, he always considered me as a Feminist, even if I never said anything, like: Women are ment to rule the world... I don't have to say anything like that... We already do.♥️ Nah... just kidding guys. I respect both genders, and furthermore all genders... as for the clothes, I didn't find anything (in my size)... Not my day again...

For clothes... Nah! I can't take this anymore! 31°C inside my room! This is too much to take, with my 107kg body weight! I'm lying naked on my bed, in the puddle of my own sweat... ugh... I can't bear my own smell... sure gave the inspiration, for the SkunkTaur picture I was asked to draw... I'm really trying everything... the deodorant doesn't help much, so I'm using these, scented essential oils on my skin, diluted of course, with water... Orange, and Lavender... but sadly, I can still smell me "underneath"... I wish I can stand under the shower, all day... but our mother limited the water usage, to one shower a day, for everyone! She knows how to make me, and my half-brother feel miserable...Took my blanket, and put it out, two times, just this day, to dry it from my sweat... in the 45°C outside... Well, atleast the wind blows outside, so I asked brother, to take me shopping, into that dust bowl town, not far from the farm. I desperately need to find something, because my current "one choice of clothes" is falling apart. Listening to Alice Cooper - Lost in America, while heading into the town, in this hell heat... Yeah Bro... you know the feeling... this is our life... Even if this is not America...

As I said before, I really got to lose some weight. So, I decided to start with a more healthy breakfast. No more bacon, and eggs, and stuff like that... No delicious pancakes... Just some... Muesli with soybean flakes... with many good ingredients, like sunflower seeds, sesame seeds... some other seeds... dried fruit pieces... Ugh... it doesn't just sound awful, it also tastes awful... Some of the ingredients are sweet, and the others are salty... Unbearable! How can anyone eat this?! I have no problem, with vegetables and edible plants, from my "almost vegetarian" period of life, but this? This is bird food! Least it does kinda work as a diet, just a few bites of it is enough, to spoil my appetite... can't think of food, with that horrible taste in my mouth...

I didn't come home to the farm, with a big luggage... Donated most of my clothes, to the homeless shelter, those that will never-ever-ever fit... Going to be hard, to replace them in "this size", and especially down here in the countryside, where you can't really find a decent clothes shop... Currently, I have about four different summer clothes to wear, in this heat, when going into that dusty little town nearby... but only one of them is... acceptable... This one is light orange colour, with large sunflowers... Why, oh why, do the designers put, a large flower pattern, on XXL+ clothes?! Even I know, that is optically fattening!! Thanks a lot! Least the design is good with a V decolletage, and with a medium length. As for the other three, the one with the square pattern, wouldn't be bad, but it's shoulder straps always fall "off"... unless I just stand still, most of the time... Impossible. The one with the orchid pattern, (again large flowers...) is way too long! I can only walk in it really slowly... if I would be an elegant lady, it may look good... but I'm not... currently... Last, I have the grey one, with the golden glitter spots. Short, and comfortable in this heat, if it wouldn't be for the really deep decolletage... Not, with how I currently look... have plenty of that "added weight" on my breasts... one wrong move, and I'm showing a lot more, than I intended to... So... the orange one remains, as my only choice. Problem is, I'm stretching it to the limit... I brought it, when my weight was around 96kg... I told myself then: I will never go above "100", it will not happen! Sigh... but it did... My half-brother, did some changes to this dress, cut the elastic bands, stretch it... stretch it more... It fits, but it's definitely not hiding my curves... and, that's not the worst part... if I dare to put on my bra, under it, I simply suffocate. No bra, and... well... least less is shown, than with the grey one... and if someone notice it, I can still make that cheap excuse: F*ck! I forgot to put on my bra, this morning! A little pathetic, that it seems to be every morning... Sight... I really have to lose some weight....

I hope I wrote that name correctly, in the journal title... It is also known as "household centipede"... Thanks to what happened to my bed, I don't really get pleasant dreams... The 30°C room temperature doesn't help either, nope, no air conditioner down here in the farm, not even a f*cking cooler fan. Add to that, my current 107kg body weight, and the joy is complete. Good thing, being an exhibitionist, and a casual nudist means, I prefer to sleep, and walk indoors naked. Sadly, this is Mom's house... so I have to wear something in the daytime "when anyone can come" as she says... not that we have too many visitors... But in the night, I don't care if she's yelling with me, when she sees me go to the bathroom, or the kitchen, I'm not gonna boil in my own stew! She's my mother, she seen me naked! So did my half-brother, so what? We're family! Also, we're both adults, way over 30+ years! I'm doing nothing wrong. Now, after I had a little night snack, I got back to bed, and tried to sleep. Around two in the morning, I felt something furry on my thigh... switched the light on, and I see the centipede climbing on my leg... Nah... didn't scream. This is not the first time... these things don't bite, (atleast not this type) but they eat the more nasty insects, so both me, and bro leave them alone. I watched it climb down on my leg, and run into one of the cracks in the wall. They are very sensitive to light. Bro collected all the info about them creatures, that live around here. The centipede is a night hunter, they need humidity, and nice warm temperature... That is why we have a lot of them in the kitchen, and the bathroom... and before you ask... we regularly clean the house... but these cute little beasts, hide in the cracks at daytime, deep down under... One of the things that makes funny living with them, is the fact, that they can climb on the walls, and on the ceiling too. Then sometimes, they decide to just... drop... and they don't seem to care, what's under them... your plate with the food, an empty cup, or... your head... As I said, me and my dear half-brother don't mind them... but our mother... Oh, the little joys of life...

You know that cartoon, comic joke, when an overweight character gets into bed, and it falls apart under them? Not so funny, when it happens to you in reality... Now, that I'm kinda stuck here, down at the countryside, at Mom's farm, I can enjoy the comforts of my shabby old room... Don't get me wrong, I usually stay here, when I come down for a visit, or to help with the spring/summer work, or the harvest... but those visits don't last long, and the last time I was here, I wasn't so... wide... Sigh... Currently I weight 107kg... (kilogram) I just rolled over, to the other side of the bed then... Crack! Had to ask my half-brother, to do something in secret... Best if mother doesn't know... She's kinda, psycho... well, she made an Alcoholist out of me, and an Autist out of my Half-brother... and ruining something in this dump, has a big chance to bring her psycho side out. Brother nailed some planks, to the under side of the bed... and found some of the empty bottles, I keep there... Yeah, yeah, the Doctors told me, not to drink, and you told me dear brother, not to drink... but I need to drink... F*ckin hard, to get rid of the empty bottles here... Getting them to the trash can, that is miles away from the house is a hard task, especially since they make that "clinking sound" wherever, whatever you put them into... not to mention, if you're a bit "imbalanced" at the moment, it can make it worse... So, where was I? Oh yeah, the bed... Bro also had to nail one of the planks, to the top side of the bed, unless I want one of the broken springs of the mattress, to cork my butt... so... it's extremely comfortable now... Sigh... Well, you know that old saying... You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it...

Doing some quality upgrade, on the background of my pictures. Will be replacing the old versions, with the new ones. The image size will be a bit larger.

One of the things I hate, while staying longer down here in the countryside, on Mom's farm, is fleas!! We keep the animals on our farm, pest free, but the old guy, "nextdoor" even lets, the rats roam free in his house... I hate to use flea powder as a deodorant, and use a dog's flea collar, as a leg bracelet... and my Half-brother is forced to do this also... and what do our dear Mother says? :Catch them. They don't seem to like "her taste" so it's easy for her, to say that! How the heck, can you catch something, you don't even see?! These pests don't come out to the light! Thanks to my added weight, I can't even reach, see, scratch... some spots, where they bit me! Some of these bites are even turning red... least I want now, is a blood infection... Brother is using all the disinfectant there is here, in the First Aid kit, on me... Come on, isn't there a quick/permanent/efficient way to get rid of fleas?! We tried a bunch of solutions, I found on the internet... not much luck. I want to go back to the City!! (Bro says I'm a true country girl, when I cry like that... also, currently it would be the homeless shelter, thanks to my roommate, who "Locked me Out..." and there are fleas there too... but... City fleas seem to be weaker...)

Noble f*kk or Onixthe... or Scammer Skunk, or whatever. Thanks for starting a Witch Hunt on me, on Twitter or X or what's it's currently called... Since I'm not there, it's perfect. Everyone will only hear your opinion, and your side of the story. Wander why I deleted the picture, I made for you, in that free YCH... Maybe, because I don't want to do anything, with such a Toxic, Harassing person as you are. Don't know why you want to cut my throat, so bad, right from the beginning, but I don't even care. If I'm the Villain, why don't you unwatch, block me, and keep a safe distance? I suppose the creep, who set you on me, enjoys this, while laughing silently in the background. Well, if you enjoy drinking hate, and spreading it around, that's yours, and your mobs thing. Since I don't make money with my Art, you're not ruining my business. Try doing this, with one of the Star Artists here, and they'll send you to the Moon. I suppose your Hate would keep you warm.