i know i don't post very often but I've been MIA not only from here but from a lot of things. there has been a lot going on since the beginning of the year; car accident, sick, moving, but most of making changes in my life for the better.

some of the changes that i have made have been that i have moved and i have started to be more myself (started about a year or more ago thanks to some very unique friends of mine). i have also stopped getting my acrylic nails put on, which is very weird for me considering i have been getting them the last 5 or more years, but now it is my real nails. one of the biggest changes i have made is that i am working out and i am challenging myself to stick to it this time and i'm going to school and working on my crafts/talents (beading/ piano/singing). bottom line though this is just why I've been MIA but it is all in progress to better myself for me and not anyone else, which is where i think i have been going wrong in the past. i'm done worrying about what others what others think or see i am doing these things for myself because they make me feel better. i used to workout because i though guys thought maybe i was too big or something and i always have worried about being single. so I've made a promise to myself i am going to work on me and not worry about being in a relationship, if one comes my way great but right now i'm going to continue my workouts, wearing my corset, spending time with friends and just having fun. life is to short to worry all the time. so here is to new beginning good friends and summer fun to come. \-_-/

all I have ever wanted to do my whole life is work in music, and for the last several years I have slacked well recently I have gotten my butt into gear and have started working on my vocals again and building up my collection of music and in the process or trying to write my own stuff. trying to write my own music though has become rather frustrating because everything I write sounds like crap or a musical. I have tried getting online to research song writers but I have had no such luck and each day I am coming across people who are younger than me and who are living and breathing the career I would love to be doing. granted this is only a part of my frustration. I'm frustrated with work, which is actually rather a minor frustration compared to all else. I don't know.....

I don't know what to do anymore, yes I have met a lot of wonderful people and characters this past year and am enjoying getting to know them better with each and every passing day but and the same I just wish I new where my life was going. truth is all the frustration is really with myself. with myself for slacking and not sticking with performing. I'm tired of living with what if's all the time and I am just trying to do and skip the maybe. but how does one keep venturing on when having fallen through so many let downs and disappointments? hopefully i'll either figure out how to write lyrics or someone will decide hey lets right a song together or by chance some miracle will happen and someone will over hear my voice or actually see that my being weird is a good thing. who knows? but I can dream right?

this as been the writer holiday season for me yet. Oh well no big.

Although my cat sparrow decided to make me worry a little bit. See I don't believe in declawing , especially the back ones.well my little cutie apparently decided other wise or so I think. The reason I am unsure odds because I can't get a good enough look at the claw/the spot the claw should be in tiki see if it is actually completely gone or just broken really far back. Going to keep an eye on it but at least she is ok and it is just one claw and not all of them. Because of this she has been such a little mama's girl it's insanely cute.

had a fun busy weekend this last weekend. AZ Fur Con was fun, wish there was a little more in the dealers den but either way i still got some really great prints and a couple of badges commissioned. hopefully by the next con i go to i will have a partial suit or full suit. after all the fun i had this weekend the work week seems to be kind of dragging without dragging, no fun :(...... at least class was good.

so far this year has gone by so fast and i feel like im gone more on the weekends than i am home, which is awesome, but now when i am home on the weekends its really weird.

being home on the weekend is nice and relaxing and sometimes thats the best way to relax. however it would be nicer if i wasn't in an apartment and had a private pool to lounge next to.

ever since my family moved tto arizona i could never reallly figure out where i belonged. went to a school where if you were different you were weird but even to the weirdest of my classmates i was weird/ strange. over time i came to hide part of who i was and who i am, but now these last couple of years have been great i reconnected with some old family friends who accept me no matter what and this year especially has been fun. for the first time in a long time i can finally be me and i do have my firend gen who started out has a co-worker and is now one of my best friends and the person who introduced me to a community that i didn't know existed. introduced me to others who are like myself, weird but good people who actually care and arent afraid to be themselves. since coming into the community i have started to find and to re-embrace a part of myself that i thought had been lost forever. i truelly am happy again and hope to keep finding new and adventures and mischief to get into with my friends by my side.