Well that was a long Vet visit lol


Well got some news. My cat ears need to be cleaned and medicated for a bit now, lots of build-up and bacteria though for me that will be fun since i have never cleaned a cats ears before, my mother always did that. Second thins is for the first time in his over 18 year old life he has flea. So once a month give the medication i got and hopefully find something more permanent for that over costly medication.


Aside from that i will get more info probably Monday when the blood work gets back, but aside from very minor maybe firmness felt there doesn't seem to be anything they could tell from the exam so blood work will tell more.

Well hopefully things go well but tomorrow have to take my other cat Kit will be taken back to the very because after last visit to get him checked out and nails trimmed his front left paw has some redness and baldness son it so might be infected and 2 times in a 24 hour period he has went outside his litter box number 2 and my mom told be it was dark so with his age of being like 20 years and being male it best to take him to be safe despite today he seems normal.

I'll keep you posted

Well Wed i woke up and turned on my computer and it would not go past Bios, so after a bunch of trial and error it turns out my SSD with my Os on it died.. So using my phone i ordered a new one and Windows 11 cause i thought why not upgrade at this point. So Thursday Windows 11 arrives but not the SSd, that decided to arrive Friday.. Well i get in the new SSed and go to boot the Windows dvd(yes i know) and turns out my DVD-rom must have died from lack of use. so i had to order a new one and i get a external, well it says it will arrive Saturday, turns out it was delayed till today.. Then today i get it and load up the Windows 11 disc and... yes you guessed it, i have a piece of hardware most likely my Mother board is not compatible with Win 11.. So i dig around and find i still have my Windows 10 Usb. so i go through that and things are going fine. Windows boots up and all seems well with the world...Then i go to install my GPU drivers and they won't install.. well after a few hours off talking to ppl on discord and web searching i ind the answer.. because my windows 10 usb is so old it was stuck on an old version that windows updates don't supply automatically. so i had to go download and install the crucial missing update, and that does it. so now i am back with a lot to do and only good news is Firefox was able to recover my bookmarks but that is all i hope to try to get some missing files but with a dead Ssd doubt it.


now to go thru 5 days of missed posts

This is aimed at those who have made a lot of home made pizza. My father brought down a dough mixer and it will help because if can mix and knead the dough as well as ferment\raise the dough so that leaves me to figure out the measurements i need and that is where i need a bit of help.

I want to create about a 14 inches pizza but i am not sure myself on how much water, flour, salt, sugar etc i need for that. and since i will be using weighted measurements if anyone can help me out thatt would be great. I looked at a lot of websites but the problems i seem to encounter is that either its making a larger pizza or it doesn't tell me at all what size it will be.

I personally have not made home made dough myself so i am new to all this.

I am sad to say that we had to put one of my cats asleep. Tiger is his name and right now i feel mixed, not upset as in crying and that may happen or it may not. Last week we noticed he was moving slower and not eating as much and my mo told me after we took him to the vet that he also had dark stools,. On Tuesday with my father coming down after he worked took me with tiger to an emergency vet. The vet i must say was awesome, he looked at tiger and found a small golf ball size mass around the lower intestine and even though the blood work was most normal like no issues with kidneys and diabetes etc it was clear this was cancer, so I decided that it was best that Tiger be put to sleep today with the knowledge that even with appetite boosters and cancer meds it was only a delay and with my mom having her memory issues and I with my own issues as far as health there was no way i felt we could give Tiger the meds on time and correctly...

I am sad but not upset as i type this. maybe because i feel numb or maybe because i knew this would happen someday and for a cat that is at least 20+ years old, he had a long life and i just don't want to have him suffer. We knew surgery was not really an options with his age so this was what i felt the best option... granted for the past few days i felt like i was questioning myself and so on, but who wants to lose a pet...



Love you my little Tiger and i will always miss you

anyone know if there is a cheap way to get my data off my 2 old sata hdds that were fried after my dad plugged in old cables with my new power supply i need that data but since the drivers do not spin up i can't even clone them

Well i have a mixture of good and bad news as regards to my computer.

the good news is i got my new PSU and 5070 GPU installed and they are working fine. save some minor issues that are easy to deal with



As for the bad.. I might have lost my old Sata HDDs and everything on them. My dad not knowing used the old sata power cables with the new PSU, that probably fried the drives. i already ordered new SSDs and an duplicator to try to recover the data but with all that gone on today i am not feeling good about that. I hope i can get all that data back but who knows.


If anyone has dealt with that before let me know if there is a way to get the data back. aside form that its been a rough day

If anyone can help me out with this computer quest thank you in advance


I recently bought a new GPU a 5070, my current PSU is a old one and i am not sure if i need a new one or can just get cables i need for the new GPU so if someone here can let me know and maybe even link to a good cable or newer psu that would work with what i got it would help a lot.


here is for the most part what i have not save for the case which is a Phanteks ATX full: https://pcpartpicker.com/list/QPzczP

As you can see my PSU might not have the cables i need to connect the new PSU but if i can get them instead of a new PSU it would be better for the moment if not i need a compatible newer PSU.


the current card i am using till thwe new one can get properly working is a ASUS GeForce GTX 960 4GB GDDR5 PCI Express 3.0 SLI Support Graphics Card STRIX-GTX960-DC2OC-4GD5

so its old but yeah i need to know what is best for me

Need some help on if i might need to get some extra stuff of if i can just get a newer GPU without issues

my current system is as follows:

Asus Prime x570-Pro
amd Ryzen 7 5800x 8 core
38gb 2133mhz ram g.skill rip-jaw 16x2
Nvidia Geforce GTX 960
EVGA SuperNOVA 850 Ga, 80 Plus Gold 850W
Case size i can't remember


I basically need to know if i would be able ot get a newer video card without really having to get a newer well anything lol

I need some advice\help, my sister was down today and i was going to have her help trim my 2 cats claws because my mom has not been able to do it recently, well turns out its worse then i first thought, one of our cats has an inner claw that has curled badly and its thick, we dare not risk trying it ourselves so we need someone to help. The problem with that is money, since my vets would cost a lot and might not even take them since they have not gotten any shots since we got them like 16+ years ago and they will charge a lot more for that, we need to find someone who can maybe help. problem is i don't know where to start myself and i really do not want to get rid of the cats, but i know its more and more likely we might if we cannot get these claws trimmed back to where we can do them more often with my sister now. so please if anyone can help me out with info let me know

I must have missed something so can someone tell me why there is no gender tab now?

Does anyone know a good program that i could install on my mother's laptop to monitor what web sites she visits and maybe send me an e-mail at the end of the day or something so my family can better make sure she is not doing things she shouldn't be doing?

I would prefer a free or mostly free program that she would not know about and is simple to use. We need to0 better monitor her cause of her Alzheimer's and we rather not take her laptop away if we can do this.

thanks to all who can help


Update: I decide to make the recent SL images not in scraps but i feel a bit unease sometimes cause for one i am not an artist and these are avs that yes i may have in a sense created from what i wanted they are still something that all parts are created but more talented people, so if that bothers anyone i understand completely and i just wanted to share the avs i cobbled together with help for me to use.

Well i debated whether or not to post this but after today i choose to just go for it.

This will be in three parts first about the current health issues i mentioned before, after that stuff with my mom and finally other stresses.


Ok, Well i finally saw all the doctors i needed to see and well the last one said surgery is recommended but not required though that brings me to my first frustration\issue. Some of you know and some do not but i am going to make this as simple as i can. Since i was about 4 years old after i had strep i had gotten a sensitive gag reflex, whether it is mental or physical is still unknown to me, not one Dr in my life ever has checked to see til hopefully soon, but more on that later. Anyway to combat this gag reflex i developed a sort of mental crutch where if i eat something small like a pretzel stick or cracker etc it stops the reflex, now if i were to just not do that and i am not deeply focused on something such as a game or talking to someone etc i will start to gag, and that will raise my anxiety and typical results me in throwing up even if i not eaten anything. So this is the roadblock i have, as many know to get sedated you cannot eat like 12 hours before surgery, but in my case its extremely difficult to not wan to stop that gag reflex and the Dr said until\unless i can either not eat 12 hours before or get it resolved by someone who can see if its physical or mental etc i cannot get the surgery due to the risk of aspiration. So that is my current situation and as embarrassing and even a bit humiliating for me its why dentist are extremely hard to go to as well.


Now as for the stress with my mom, its tough cause i know Alzheimer's does effect many things, but it does not help my mom has always been very stubborn, I mean today she brought up a bank she no longer has an account with due to many reasons and she insisted that the bank no longer exists, but when i show her using google maps or even the site of the bank she refuses to admit she was wrong, so that along with the stuff she has forgotten and other stubborn things she insists it is a lot to deal with sometimes, i mean most of my life i never was one to repeat myself unless it was required, but now i need to do that several times a day and so to some it comes off as annoyance and such but its not you know. its hard to adjust i guess sometimes. It also doesn't help that she will go places with out telling me and i have to tell my sister who is in charge of her medical and finance stuff when my sister has a ton on her plate as well.


Finally the other stuff is probably knit-picking but it can add up. one thing is that i am in charge or buying weekly food for my mom and myself, i plan out each week and the frustrating part is my mom wanting things she should not have or we do not need such as cat treats, cause she gives them to our cats way too often, and then she wants ice cream but specifically Ben & Jerry's or Haagan Daz, not a store brand or cheaper brand. and since is coming out of my pocket and not hers now its tough cause i try to do what i can to say no or even lie saying they did not have the flavor she asked for but she would then go to the corner store or even to another super market o get it herself, even though my sister now gives her at most $100 every few weeks cause my mom cannot handle money anymore. Also my sister doesn't help sometimes because she had put a tracker in my mom's purse without her knowing and it not the most reliable tracker and i will get random texts and calls from her asking if my mom is home etc as well as things i have no knowledge of like asking me if my mom did something in times i am not awake like showering and taking medications at certain times like early morning when i am never awake.
Also it's a bit tough having some people wanting me to buy a new game to join them when they know money is very tight for me and as much as i want to its not always an option. I have had to cancel a lot subscriptions i would use for fun just to make sure i am not spending too much each month, its why most if not all plans i had to commission images and stories have for now been paused. Things won't really change till maybe next year when i move in with my father where things will return to a more normal situation for me, but that in itself will bring other challenges like getting a new doctor and moving other stuff for a new address one state away.


Anyway enough of my ranting and such, thanks to all who choose to read and any who reply, i just need to get it all off my chest and this to me feels better than other places i visit.

I'd like to apologize to anyone who has replied or contacted me lately. I been under a lot of stress and some depression due to my mom. 2 weeks ago my sister came down to take my mom to the doctors and ell she doesn't have dementia, she has moderate alzheimers and well she is not allowed to drive anymore. THis puts me in a tough position because i do not drive myself, and with how suddenly this changed things, it means i now have to start ordering food to get delivered among other things, but with my mom insisting she can drive i have to keep her in check till the car is gone. Also add to this is of course my medical issue with the potential surgery for me after my September appointment and me needing a dentist\oral surgeon to help me with my teach because of ym sensitive gag reflex and the high anxiety i have.


My dad is helping but with him one state away i can only get his help once a week to help me with some shopping, but its very stressful and to be honest i am a bit scared of what to do now. Its highly likely by January i will be living with me father in New Hampshire while my mom will either be living with my brother in South Carolina or an elderly care facility. It would also mean teh cats i have, might be gone too. its very very hard and i been trying my best one day at a time but its very new to me and such.


So again sorry tyo everyone who has contacted me lately. i just been so out of it.

I seriously cannot wait till next week, I need to know what is going on and if i will need that Parathyroid surgery and when, cause thins just seem to be not going well.

Last week i went to my Dr about a stomach issue i had that only occurred at night, I would be laying on my back and then i would decide to roll on my left or right side and for a brief moment it would feel as my stomach was either empty, full or just stomach pain for at most 5 min, then it would go away and not happen again that night.

So my Doctor looked and did some blood tests and well my Lipase was slightly elevated so he said it might be some pancreatitis but he doesn't want to say for sure till i see the endocrinologist, but now today the area between my lower ribs and the stomach is what i would call tight feeling, there is very light pain but it feels like if i pulled a muscle, so chances are i might have some acute pancreatitis. So that is something i need to deal with til i know more.

I need some feedback. I want to get a brand new pic done of Kitoth but i am not sure what it should be fully.. I want it a summer themed pic, so either at a beach or pool. I want it to have a few alt version of the pic as well so a nude, and maybe 2 clothing if not just 1 clothing and nude variant,

Now beyond that i am not sure what kind of pose or outfit to choose. I am not sure if i should be wearing a thong, or swim trucks, or a t-shirt etc. As for the pose same thing not sure if i should be standing, laying or what.

SO if you all can help me decide on an idea it would be helpful. Also i do need to find an artist that is not too expensive cause of all my RL funding issues. But i really realty need a new pic done.

Well I finally got more news on what has been going on with me, it took a while which was frustrating but least i got news.

On the 3rd, 6th and 8th of May i got 3 different scan of my parathyroid and neck area in general. one scan was inconclusive and the other two did seem to find something. Today on a call with my PCP, I was informed that it looks like i might have 3 Parathyroid adenoma, which or course in leaning toward getting those removed but until i talk to the endocrinologist and see what he says its not set in stone i don't think but i do believe i will be getting surgery it just a matter of when and where.

With all the stress of this and stuff involving my mother with her potential dementia starting its been a lot lately. but this should help with the stress not knowing what was going on.


Also for those who might be curious these are the findings of the two scan that showed something:

Following candidate parathyroid tissues are identified:
3 x 8 mm nodule posterior and medial to mid pole of right lobe of thyroid, hypodense on noncontrast, arterial enhancing and possible related venous washout [series 11:30, series 10:425], slightly difficult evaluation due to small size.
3 x 6 mm nodule posterior to midpole of left lobe of thyroid, hypodense on noncontrast, arterial enhancing and possible relative venous washout [series 11:29, series 10:436],slightly difficult evaluation due to small size.
7 x 5 mm nodule inferior to the left lobe of thyroid, hypodense on noncontrast, mild arterial enhancement which is much less than the normal thyroid, and possible relative venous washout [series 9:99, 13:99]slightly difficult evaluation due to small size.


The thyroid gland demonstrates normal parenchymal echotexture. No hypervascularity on color Doppler.

Posterior to the right midpole, there is a small hypoechoic nodule, 6 x 5 x 4 mm. Adjacent to this just inferior to the lower pole is an ovoid hypoechoic nodule, 9 x 8 x 6 mm. However, these may be contiguous with the thyroid gland on cine imaging.

No cervical lymphadenopathy.


so that is the most recent update. as soon as i know when the surgery is i will let everyone know, Thanks all for the support

Well i have some news about what is going on with me now.

The stuff involving my stomach seems to be over, it looks like it was indeed that antacid i was on that caused all the stomach issues and it does seem it was a gallstone that caused me to go to the ER. I have since had no issue with my stomach and been feeling fine.


Now as far as the rest of the stuff that we though might have been stomach related, it turns out everything is now pointing at the Parathyroids, so my nest steps are to get some scans of the neck, an ultrasound and another scan to take a look at them. Based on what the doctor's have said and what the test results are showing, it is more and more likely that i will be getting surgery in the future to remove one or more of the parathyroids. After that all my issues should be resolved.

Well for those who been following my posts about my health i did have a little scare Wed\Thurs. Wed night i was just sitting and on my Pc and i started to get stomach pain, well that pain lasted from about 7:30 till at least 2am. I ended up going to the ER after 45 min of the pain. i was not seen unfortunately fro 3 hours, spent about 90min and the first waiting room before being moved to a smaller one for another 90ish and then finally seen and put on a bed where i got blood drawn, and an Iv where they gave me meds and a saline drip before i as taken to get a Ct scan and back for more meds before being discharged about 3am and got home around 4am. As of now I don't know the cause, it could constipation, food poisoning, food allergy or a gallstone. I might not know till i see my DR and get a new Ultrasound. I have been prescribed some meds for abdominal pain and nausea if i get it but i feel better now. I just hope i know soon what it was.

I am posting this because there are some of you who have been supporting me and caring on how i have been doing and it means a lot to me.


that being said here is what has been going on with me.


Starting in December i was getting blood tests and it showed my ALP or Alkaline Phosphate in my blood was high, then the test showed it was also high in my bones. I ended up getting a bone density test at the end of February. It turns out i have some Osteoporosis and it might be from a medication i was on that i only recent stopped. It was an antacid that i was on for 2 years and it might be what has caused me to have elevated levels of some things my doctor was seeing, its still to early to say but one thing he said was high is in the medication but he did not tell me what that was. I have to get a new blood test and after they check my vitamin D levels i will be taking 10,000 IU of vitamin D every Sunday and will be getting Calcium gluconate shots every 6 months. I will also be going to a Rheumatologist in May to get more info and in April i will be getting an endoscope of my throat and stomach to see if there is anything physical causing my sensitive gag reflex and other stuff.

Beyond that its still unknown what is causing me to throw up sometimes after i eat high fat meals or certain foods but it might be that medication i will have to wait and see. If there is one positive thing about my diet change is that i have lost about 25lbs since December because i cut out high fat foods, a lot of carbs and processed foods for the most part.

hopefully i will get more info soon to know what is going on with me.


Update from March 13th.

Well got a new test result and my PTH-RP)parathyroid hormone-related peptide) is low at 8 when normal range is 11-20. my Dr is away till next week but based on what i can find out it seems that my Parathyroid is a common thing is most of the results i been seeing. Chances are that is the area that might be causing my issues and it could be from the antacid i was on for over 2 years which has caused all this including the Osteo,but i will have to wait till next month when i get my endoscope and scan of my parathyroid done. FOr now i am noticing some good things such as being able to eat some stuff with no issues, i had a brownie the other day and felt fine, but id di throw up recently probably because my stomach needs to get used to having normal amount of acid in it again as well as some side effects from taking the Vitamin D3 supplement on Sunday., The dose is a 50k IU so a lot more than i thought

Well December has turned out to be not so good for me.

The short version is back around the 12th i had eaten some stew and maybe about 4 hours later i threw up. i thought nothing of it, then it happened the next 3 nights after dinner. i went to the doctor's and got blood tests and such done, at first nothing was noticed, but one of the tests my ALP was at 271, which was high, well more issues of vomiting happened and next visit with new tests my ALP was 340 as well ad other numbers indicating my liver and gallbladders enzymes were high. My next appointment will be an Ultrasound on the 12th of Jan. It seems that high fat foods do cause the issues as i noticed last night when i had some minestrone soup and was fine but later i had a small slice of a chocolate roll cake and not even 30 min later that came back up.

Aside from the vomiting and the anxiety around all this, there are no other symptoms, no pain, no fever or swelling etc, so its very odd but hopefully can get this resolved soon

You can ignore this if ya want just need a quick vent.


Well Sunday is my B-day and with all the stuff i been going through its a bit frustrating to me that i could not get some stuff done i wanted to for Halloween type pis and such but i know its not important and such just had some ideas and such but will just have to wait till stuff settles is all, this time of the year is always so stressful for me cause of the season changes and multiple b-days and holidays co close to each other. I just hope things calm down for me soon.


Anyway thanks for all who listen lol

Recently i been making 2 liters of Chamomile tea using the scale, loose chamomile flowers, a tea infuser and of course a nice 2 liter pitcher but aside from adding in lemon or lime juice in for when i have a cup of it, i am not sure what else to put in.

SO if anyone has some ideas let me know, I know about ginger and do add it when i need it but not sure what else to add to make it taste a bit different at times.

Well i have some news to those who have been following me through this lately and I want to first say Thank you for the support it really has helped knowing people out there are worried a bit and wanting to help in anyway they can.

Now first thing is i am more or less back to normal me, though my sleep is still messed up. Aside form the sleep i have talked to a Psychiatrist and a few things will be happening, I will seeing one on a regular basis when things are setup with them properly.

The second thing is they gave me two options for me, one being i stay on my current medication of Paroxetine but double the dose to what would be 80mg a day with another med for a booster, the other option was to get on a different medication i think its a generic brand Prozac but not 100% sure. This method is the one I went with. Sometime when they tell me i will take my current med at current strength for 2 weeks, then after than it will be reduced to 30mg for another 2 weeks, then to 20mg but add the new med at a low dose, after than it will reduce again as the new one is increased till i am off my current med and on the new one.

I know that there might be some difficulties but i think its the best option since i have been on the Paroxetine for at least 10 years, and most likely its just not as effecting for me anymore. I will probably still have the Xanax they prescribed as well for when\if i do have a panic attack though but its only 0.5mg and i can take half of that if i feel i don't need the full.

Aside from that hopefully soon i will be able to get the endoscopy scheduled and taken care of, though i will of course be sedated cause of my gag reflex. I hope also soon i can find a dentist to cause i need a lot of work and with my gag reflex its very tough.

Lastly they will address my sleep issues with maybe a sleep test or maybe the new med they say might help but will have to wait and see. Well that's everything i can think of and again thank you all who have been wondering and concerned about me

Well i though i would update those who might care and wonder what has been going on since my last journal.

Last Friday i saw my Dr and well it was mixed in my mind. I got 3 things out of it.

1: he would prescribe me something to maybe help with the panic attacks when they occur.
2: At some point i would get a call about a Psychiatrist
3: Sometime further out i will get an endoscope of my throat and stomach but because of the panic and gag reflex i would be put under general anesthesia.


Well for the meds it took longer because from Friday till Monday when i called my Dr again, whatever he prescribed was on back order and no time frame so he changed it to a 30 pill 0.5 mg dose of generic brand Zanax, to take as needed

I will have a Tella-heath call October 5th with a Psychiatrist so that is still in the worlds. As for the last thing because of how busy things are no time-frame on the endo-scope.


Aside from hat i been having off days where my stomach feels uneasy though to me my anxiety feels ok but its probably now, other days its my anxiety and i can tell cause i hear my heart beat easier and am more aware of stuff my body does.


My eating has not been great cause when you feel anxious and stomach feels out of whack i worry about not keeping things down, but i have eaten a bit better lately, just bored of chicken, rice, and other bland stuff. I been having Chamomile tea and am trying adding some powdered ginger but i am just not used to it as much..

I guess if anything no dry heaves in a few days from anxiety, its just been a rough week.

Thank you all who have replied and gave me such positive thoughts