So as some of you know I am mostly only two things, Danish and Chickasaw. I vastly more Danish then Chickasaw but to be honest I dont feel all that connected to my Danish roots as I mostly dont know much about it.

I do feel deeply connected to my Chickasaw Heritage but I kind of wish I had more in me to not look like so much of an average white guy. I mean I feel Native but I just kind of wish I showed it on the outside a bit. Plus having to shave so often from how danish I am is a pain and I hate it.

Bah o well it is what it is but if I could tip the scales on my heritage I would.

It was a blast and I'm really glad I went. Thanks everyone I met for the great time.

Go get some son!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2096948/

So the cub room started out being this hey we are gonna have like 20 to 30 people kind of thing and unfortunately its kind of well fizzled out to a lot less so rather than have two rooms I'm just gonna have one.

So far who's going to be there.

Me, Jeffy, Hexoad, Zarrix, Paddercat, and Yahtzee as far as I am aware

So the overall cost would be $240 so it would break down to $40 a person so not to shaby

Also here are the rules reposted

1. If you decide to be padded no number 2, we want to make sure everyone is comfortable
2. No bringing in any friends who aren't staying in the room that either me, shoogy, hexxy, jeffy, pawz, or maxxie approve of. We don't want anything uncomfortable to happen
3. No yiffing, we are keeping this a sex free room
4. I'll absolutely have to have your payment for the hotel before we get there or when we get there, I won't take payment afterwards
5. There is no guarantee you'll get to sleep on a bed the entire time we are there, so bring accommodations (sleeping bag or air mattress)
6. If you break anything in the room you will be paying whatever fine is involved
7. No alcohol as we will have underagers in the room and I do not want someone going to jail.
8. If you have any special accommodations you'll need (medical or otherwise let me know as soon as possible so we can make sure everything works out.


We should be arriving on Friday around the noon times if not sooner and getting settled in. Given we may shoot for earlier just so we can get more con in but we will see. Also we will be checking out on Sunday.

If I missed anyone that is planning on going please let me know so I can get a better more comprehensive list.

I haven't really made any ranting journals before but this has just really weighed heavily on my mind for a while now.

I haven't had a really meaningful relationship in almost 5 years now. Thats nearly a quarter of my life that I've spent alone. Ya know I'd love to meet someone in the fandom especially another babyfur but a straight or bi female babyfur seems like rarity and just not something I'll probably realistically find. Even someone who is merely tolerant would be fine I just need love in my life.

I don't care about sex that doesn't matter to me I can handle that myself but love isnt something I can just take care of when the urge hits me. I just want someone to love and someone to love me back unconditionally. I guess thats a lot to ask these days.

In my life I've loved two very special women in my life with whom I shared love deeper than I could fathom or place into words and when I was with them I was whole we were together complete. But all good things must come to an end and our relationships ended and I went back to the half of a human being I had been and ya know what its down right painful I physically hurt from how lonely I am sometimes and the only thing I can do is distract myself from it because I can't really face it then it only gets worse.

I'm sorry I'm normally a really cheery up beat guy but I just had to put this into words.

So I got back from japan about a week and a half ago and I have finally been able to upload my pictures on photobucket. Some of them came out breath takingly but most were just goofy.

So anywho here they are
http://s46.photobucket.com/albums/f.....pZZ36QQtppZZ20
start at the picture right before the add with Tommy Lee Jones' head in it and work your war towards page one.

also here was our Intenarary

Day1: Got off plane nearly died getting lost, got to hotel went to sleep


Day2: Start off with heading down to the Tsukiji fish market at http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Tsuki.....=en&tab=wl. Then after having some fresh fish for breakfast and taking in the sites we'll head off to Kokugikan Sumo Stadium (http://maps.google.com/maps?um=1&am.....sQPcvMXIAg&;sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CBkQnwIwAA) to take in a couple rounds of a sumo fight and then head next door to the Tokyo-Edo museum (http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Edo-T.....=en&tab=wl) and take that in. Then we can finnish the day by going shopping in Akihabara (http://maps.google.com/maps?rlz=1C1.....=en&tab=wl)

Day3: Studio Gihbli Musuem first off, then off to imperial palace gardens, then to Ginza to check out the sony building and all of the super crazy expensive businesses out there. then we can head out to Shibuya to check out the Shibuya crossing and the once again crazy shopping there as well and in between it all we can go to Zaou sushi

Day4: Honestly not sure what to do for this day but we are headed to Osaka on the bullet train but we will be stopping in Shizuoka on the way as the 1:1 gundam is set up there (http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Shizu.....a=N&tab=il) also the gundam gunpla factory is there as well and we can go to the Crazy amazing aquarium in Osaka (http://maps.google.com/maps?rlz=1C1.....a=N&tab=il) which is super close to our hotel, Also we can check out head off to Osaka Castle the worlds largest freestanding wooden building (http://maps.google.com/maps?rlz=1C1.....=en&tab=wl)

Day5/6: Go to nara and see stupid deer (http://maps.google.com/maps?rlz=1C1.....=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CB0Q8gEwAA), then head out to kyoto and Fushimi Inari Shrine (http://maps.google.com/maps?rlz=1C1.....=en&tab=wl) then to Kinkakuji (http://maps.google.com/maps?rlz=1C1.....=en&tab=wl) Gion district Those white face ladies (http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3902.html)

Day 7: head back to tokyo and have a free go anywhere day

Holy shit this place is bat shit insane but I love every inch of it.：３

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1977650/

GO GO GO!!

So today I have felt very betrayed by someone I had assumed had been distancing themselves from me due to a more recentish personal problem, however they had apparently never been close to me at all and all of their pretty words of trust and affection had been just that words.

Now I write this knowing fully well this person will likely read it but considering how currently void of any sense of emotion they are its likely they won't take offense.

Don't get me wrong on this I am not trying to bash this person or bring any form of persecution to their doorstep but the fact of the matter remains I am very hurt currently.

I know this person deep down inside still has a piece of themselves that still cares about the outside world and the people in their life so I have not given up hope on them.

Things finally came to a head tonight. I flat out asked them if they cared for me at all and their response was "is this a time to be honest or considerate." (I'm paraphrasing of course) I was shocked, I had appealed to this persons last shed of humanity and decency and they unfortunately callously turned me away.

I will not reveal who this person is to the general people reading this journal because honestly even if they were being malicious and not just being cold and indifferent I would still wish them no ill will.

Keep in mind that if you are reading this and you have to possibly ask yourself what did I do, then it was not you.

I have never reached a point in a relationship with another human being in which I felt as if I was running out of compassion and love for that fellow human being but this has pushed me to my absolute edge and I don't know if there is anymore left.

For all of my friends who are able to love and trust another human being wholeheartedly despite the damages that may have befallen you or the unhealed scars and lacerations within your emotional self I love you.

nd I And I hate it, I'm sore all over, and tired and hot and I just feel like a dried out turd on a bad stretch of highway. :C

So the crazy babyfur pandikat that we all know and love has opened up commissions to help him pay his way down to Texas for furry fiesta early next year

 komi is doing single character commissions for only 15$ which considering how good and cute his work is is a steal in my opinion.

So head on over to http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1931622/ and show him your support with a super cute commission

Captain cubby pants out

1. If you decide to be padded no number 2, we want to make sure everyone is comfortable
2. No bringing in any friends who aren't staying in the room that either me, shoogy, hexxy, jeffy, pawz, or maxxie approve of. We don't want anything uncomfortable to happen
3. No yiffing, we are keeping this a sex free room
4. I'll absolutely have to have your payment for the hotel before we get there or when we get there, I won't take payment afterwards
5. There is no guarantee you'll get to sleep on a bed the entire time we are there, so bring accommodations (sleeping bag or air mattress)
6. If you break anything in the room you will be paying whatever fine is involved
7. No alcohol as we will have underagers in the room and I do not want someone going to jail.
8. If you have any special accommodations you'll need (medical or otherwise let me know as soon as possible so we can make sure everything works out.

Just as a heads up this is for Furry Fiesta 2011 and it is February 25th -27th

Yup I turned 2.....22 today with id like to think of it as turning 2 a second time

Yay me I haven't died yet or gone completely insane I feel accomplished =^.^=

And I honestly have no idea if I'm going to be doing anything for it or not. Its on the 5th so this upcoming sunday and while I'd like to say I have some things I want for it. I don't really I just need money for my trip to japan so if anyone wants to get me anything for my birthday money is the best thing right now.

So I'm turning 22 on the 5th and I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do. My friends may try and throw me a party but I haven't heard anything yet. And I don't know if I actually want anything.

So happy birfday to me I'm turning 2...twice X3

STEP ONE
# Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered... whatever you're comfortable with) to your FA, LJ, whatever. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV"). The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
# If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) can get in touch with you. Your home address is not required!
# Make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

STEP TWO
# Surf around your friends list (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part...
# If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes one person's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use - or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free - do it.
# You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf - to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call. There are no guarantees with this project, and no strings attached. Just... wish, and it might come true. Give and you might receive. You'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.


1. To get to see my Mama Abbey and brother Komi.

2. Travel stuff as I'm headed to Japan in early January, so stuff like maybe some sound canceling headphone or like a good little pillow for the plane rides.

3. A really good Expandable Duffel Bag

4. Some gift art would be great anything with me in some thick padding being goofy or cute or both feel free to add people too I don't mind, just no adult stuff.

5. A pair of shortalls with snaps in the crotch, the cuter the better

6. The New book by R.A Salvatore gauntlgrym, I lurv me some Drizzt Books

7. a new pair of headphones for work as mine are currently half duct tape :\

8. A new hoodie if possible, one in my fursona's colors

9. some decent cold weather gear for my trip to Japan

10. Some nice fluffy footy PJ's in either green, blue, purple, or orange. The more colors the better really

So I've run into this a few times. People saying I look like Kalida. And to be fair there are some similarities and at a glance I can see how that mistake could be made.

To be perfectly honest though I see it as well a little and that kind of bothers me so I'm thinking I might wanna make some small changes to my fursona, but I can't think of what I should or would do. So I guess I've come to all of you for some help. Throw some ideas out there for me.

And I know Kalida isn't watching me but I would kind of like to see what her opinion on all that is. So brainstorm away my peeps.

Good foxes.....or Greatest Foxes Just look at my ears adorable yes no?

Also new Avi smack dat F5 and prepare for face melting cuteness =^.^=

And I'll be spending about 8 days in the country first half in Tokyo, and the second in Osaka and the surrounding area. Me and my three other friends going already got the flight and hotels paid for, so the logistics are all handled finally and money has already been handled, but at this point I'm trying to get good Ideas of what to do and not just super normal touristy stuff.

So if anyone has any tips or good advice on visiting japan or has anything that I should definitely do there or see there feel free to comment and let me know so I can make sure not to miss it. Thanks guys, and gals =^.^=

A song by one of my favorite indie bands Tally Hall the song is called Haiku. Anyone who guesses what the delicious irony of all of this gets hugs and a cookie >:3

I have been trying
To write a haiku for you
Some things I just can’t do

Maybe you’re beyond
Ancient asian poetry
Or maybe it’s just me

I have been trying
To get this haiku just right all night
For you; alright I’m through

Maybe this poem
Was lost in the sauce we spilled
That never got refilled

I’ve never thought much
Of formulaic verse anyway
And rhymes are not my forte

I have been trying
To get this haiku just right all night
For you; alright I’m through

CHORUS:
I’m trying not to try too hard
But you’re hard to write down right
So I pen these tried attempts
At haikus for you tonight

Lah dah dee diddum
Lah dah dee doom doo ditto
Dum doo lah dee doh

There, that’s sufficient
I wrote a haiku for you
Well I tried at least, and that’s not so bad
I’m working here; can that be said for you

CHORUS

Words don’t work like Webster says
They trip me up all night
I’m just trying to write for you
But you’re hard to write down right

So today during work I felt something very acutely something I haven't felt in quite a long time. Loneliness and a bit of loss. I know I'm not really alone I have a loving family (both furry and regular) and many wonderful friends I mean I am truly blessed, but its not quite the same thing. I mean I've only loved two people in my life relationship wise and both of those times took me to new emotional depths that I never knew existed, in those brief moments in my life I became whole.

But now its been 4 years since I've had a relationship I can say was real. Every woman I've had true and deep emotions for in the last 4 years has been completely unavailable to me in one way or another. And many of them are close friends so its somewhat disheartening to have them so close yet so far from me.

Its depressing to have all this love to give and being more than willing to completely devote myself to another person I could truly love and just not really having an option. I just want someone I can grow old with , someone who will be there for me and truly accept me for who I am. Someone who will love me for my faults just as much as for my strengths. I never thought of it as a lot to ask for because I've always been someone perfectly willing to return all of that in full, but these last 4 years have made it seem like more than I should ask for I guess.

I just feel like these last four years of my life have been wasted almost. I feel like if I don't have someone to share myself with someone who I can't stop thinking about, someone to hold and love and just be with mind, body, and soul then is anything that I've done worthwhile? I know thats not true, but knowing something rarely eliminates a nagging and lingering feeling.

There is a capacity I have to love another human being that I just feel is being wasted. I want to love and I want to be loved. I don't care about sex or looks, I just want love; deep, passionate love. Is my want greedy? I don't really know anymore.

So its august now and in 4 days I'm getting my tonsils out and I'll be on narcotics and not be able to talk for a while, but never to fear for Shoogy will be here, taking care of me that is. I'm kind of excited about the last part as I'll be taken care of by him basically 24/7 which I cannot thank him for enough.

Still looking into getting a car, specifically a Intensa Blue Pearl one as they are gorgeous extremely reliable and fun cars. Also looking into getting a smart phone finally possible a HTC Evo as they have the best specs on the market right now plus Austin is a 4g town.

Finally I'm considering making my fursona to a Fennec due to the length of their ears and the fact that I had massive satellite dishes for ears as a little kid so I though it was fitting plus big ears have always seemed cute to me.

So ya that's what's been going on with me feel free to give me your opinions on what up there ^ =^.^=