Okay, so I am trying to fuck with my password and it CHANGES to the light version. This version hurts my eyes to the point where I'm actually crying. I'll update this once I get that account up. Be aware.

 MaiTsukino

http://ivythepony.tumblr.com/post/8.....this-is-better

Sorry if it's quiet as fuck. :/ I had headphones and it was LOUD with them on. Just turn it up or something XD

So my goal is to try and sing "Let it Go" from the movie "Frozen" but my voice says fucking otherwise. Though.... Heh I attempted it like 8 times earlier and I think that's why. :I But I found that Audacity DOESN'T wanna be a little dick muncher right now. So :I Fucking hell I can't hit the notes I need toooooooo D:

So yup. Tomorrow I WILL FUCKING SING IT AND I WILL DO GOOD JOBS WITHOUT STATIC RIGHT?! RIGHT FOLKS?! ... Who am I kidding? XD

I don't care if I'm 1/3 human, I at least have fucking a sense of DIGNITY! This is to the HUMAN RACE! Not to just... Certain humans, so don't take it personally.

If you are a human and following me, please be warned I'm NOT attacking you, I'm after your race as a whole. Alright, here it is.

I. Fucking. Hate. Humans. With. My. Entire. Being! It's YOUR fault that THREE of the subspecies of tigers are EXTINCT! http://www.defenders.org/tiger/basic-facts Read here why. If you fucking try anymore on my species, I will fucking cut you.

That is all~

Legend and I are taking a break... I'm at the point where... I can't take it. Honestly, since he quit... I got upset... Now I'm... Just... so miserable..... So... He and I are... Off. So... technically I'm single again....

It's a cute little butterfly. Once I'm all clear, I'm gonna show it! >w<

I did it to rebel against gram and cause I also wanted one. I was shocked at how little it hurt and I'm a girl with little to NO pain tolerance XD So yeah! I'm thrilled! Gram doesn't know yet though.

Hi, so... How is everyone doing? I got a new fursona thanks to JaciMae. Her and her cute artwork gah! Well, she's gonna be up once I work on her more. I've even made an ask blog for her, so please feel free to ask her stuff 8D

http://askhonoka.tumblr.com/

So, I've returned. And if you guys were worried, don't be.

To everyone on here, you actually seem to care about me. Thank you. Though shit has just felt like it got even worse.

Right now I'm at my fiance's place; mainly to avoid gram and to not be forced out in the freezing weather. But with that said... I am unsure if I'm going to finish college to get my degree right away. I'm stressed out with gram, and it doesn't help that I somehow lost my fucking gym key! Now I can't go to the gym! D: Fucking hell! I neeeeeed to go! I'm gonna get fatter.... I won't lie... If you guys could help me that would be amazing. The new key, as fucking ridiculous as it is, costs $50 USD. :/ Why? Fuck if I know. Gram won't pay for it, and I gotta save my money for gas. orz I got too fucking spend crazy when I got my grant money. Fuck me. If you could help me, that would be... Amazing! I swear I will show off my weight loss as I go! I can do it after every few weeks! I mean it! I just need some help guys. D: Why the fuck does it gotta cost so fucking muuuuuuch?! Nuuuuuus! *dies in a hole* But yeah... Life sucks ass. That's about it guys! So yeah, you don't gotta donate that's fine, but it would help me out a lot.


Also just remembered!

If you guys got places that sells crystals and stones, PLEASE TELL ME! I am into crystal magic ^^ That's it really. Thanks by! (Oh yeah I may get a tattoo for the first time, I'm afraid and excited. Yup! Gonna try and get a butterfly!)

As I've been fighting with my grandmother I will be missing for about a week if not longer. I'm going to be living in my car to escape her so I can relax. If you need me, sorry I probably won't get to you until I return. D: So sorry about that.

To those who have my phone number, please feel free to text me. I'll keep it charged as long as I can. Bye.

Alright, you all know that my gram and I don't get along right? Well... I can't get her to stop twisting my words. I talked about how I mentioned an email I wrote about how I care and that I sometimes need a week away. Well she said something along the lines, "What email and why?"
I tried to tell her that my anxiety, depression, frustration was getting so fucking high that I could barely control myself. I tried to tell her that I do care and love her, but she said something like, "All I do is give!"
I looked at her, my eyes all puffy from crying and just stood there. I fucking KNOW that! I wasn't in the right mind fully, but I did try to tell her how I felt. But I said it all wrong.
"It's the way you live then!" And that's true, but... I couldn't keep my mouth from behaving.
She asked if I wanted potatoes and I said I did. She then walked out once they were done and said, "Now I'm leaving your life!" Or something like that! What the fuck?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING NOT TAKE THINGS SO FAR?!?!?!?! I'm so fucking tired of this! I'm so fucking tempted to drop college and just move out and live in the streets. Yes I've mentioned this before, but this is becoming more and more painful for me to handle.

If you are, can we chat? I'm wanting to do a visual novel on magic, and I find that I want to also try a bit of it. I promise not to do stupid shit, the most I'm planning is doing some stone magic. But I may do a bit of others, unsure really. But let me know please~ ^^

My tablet works. :I I DIDN'T HAVE IT ALL PLUGGED IN! I'm a fucking dumbass.

My tablet... It suddenly fell and now it won't work. I've tried everything.... But it won't work. So... unless I get a new one... I'm not gonna be able to draw anymore. *sighs* Fml and I can't afford one. Just... Fuck....

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsY.....iwB3q1XvMVblGw

My fiance and I are doing a gaming channel, want to check it out? :3

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/166.....defective-pony

So I've written, still working, on my story of my ponysona. I hope you will take the time to read it. ^^

If you don't, I envy you. I'm at my breaking point. My gram, as much as I love her, has finally just pushed me. I go to buy something, if I don't stash it away, she gets into it. If I leave my notebooks about, she'll go in and look at it. Hell if I tell her to stop! Guess what?! SHE GOES FURTHER!

I'm at the point where I'm tempted to just go out on the streets. I'm unable to take her constant need to be in my life 24/7. I love her, but no matter how much I've begged her over the years, she's only gotten worse. I'm crying because no matter what I do, no matter how much I ask her nicely to stop, it gets worse. I can't take it... I really can't.

This morning I was on Tumblr, and sometimes people don't tag shit, so sometimes nsfw comes up. So I was worried that would happen, cause I have a safety measure to hide nsfw stuff, so that way I can view wherever I'm at. But today, I had to just stop scrolling, stop trying to keep up-to-date, to wait for her to leave from behind me.

I don't know what to do.... I just... I can't take it anymore.... I may just go out on the streets... live in my car.... I can't do it.... I really can't... I'm so fucking miserable and tired of her constant hypocrisy. She says she's not nosey, but she will go through my shit without a second though. So... if I go poof and don't even comment or favorite or do shit, then know I'm in my car living there. Sick and tired of her fucking nosey nature to the point where I physically can't take it.

I have a problem, I will admit it. My problem is this. I'm overweight and I am lazy as fuck. But I am gonna try and lose some of this fat. I don't want to, but yet I want to. I'm so lazy and I lack motivation, but I need to lose it. If I don't, well... I'm only going to get larger and lazier.

So my gram and I have made a deal, this is so that way I can try and lose this weight, it also doesn't help that she has constantly mentioned me being fat, like almost every single day now. So it's been making me kinda upset. But with this change, I am hoping to lose some weight. What I may do is show you the starting weight, with my face covered obviously, and then show you a progress. Maybe an every other week one or something, you can help me decide that.

So, do you guys think I'll be able to do it? Cause think of this. I'm lazier than you think, I don't like to do exercise. I'm the kind of person who just wants to sit about and do coding. >w>" So yeah. But hopefully I can try and lose this fat and maybe keep it off? Doubt it, but I can try.

My weight is like 224-221 lbs depends on if I'm bloated or not, which I am. xD Blame being female. Buuuut! I want to try and get to a goal of maybe 165 lbs by the end of say... June. I dunno if I can do this, but I'm gonna try! Wish me luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also for the visual novel, I'm gonna need beta testers.

The beta testers won't get to try it for a bit. Only cause I don't have the shit finished xD but what I may do is finish up the basic shit and then have players try it.

Who I'm going to need:

Mac
Linux
Windows

I'm going to need players from ALL these.

For Mac- 2
Linux- 2
Windows XP- 2
Windows 8- 3 (just to be safe XD)
Windows 7- 2
Windows Vista- 2

If I'm missing any, please tell me. I will make a journal on what is available and it'll be updated periodically.

Now how do you become a beta tester? Note me your Skype and we'll talk. :3

>w<  cynn. made it for me, this artist is sooo fucking worth it! GO GUYS! GOOOOOO! GO GET SOME ART!

... Yeah. But I need someone to help me, and my ex and I want to try and play. But... Yeah. Uhm, so... does anyone want to join and who knows? Hell we could really use a good dungeon master (DM), cause as much as my ex likes to play, he's better not as the DM. xD

If you can, please note me. Cause.. Yeeeaaaaaaahhhh.

http://zilleniose.tumblr.com/post/7.....viantart-users

I'm sorry to say but it pisses me the hell off. People are getting away with things they are not allowed. So to counter this I'm no longer posting on deviantART >.> I'm gonna post here from now on. And with that said.

I am doing a visual novel, if I haven't mentioned before. But with that said, I'm going to need beta testers. Please note me with your Skype if you want to test it out. This will be for teasers AND for the real deal when I present it. Thank you and have a great day~

So basically now I’ve gotten the grasp of the program. Still suck at it, but so far so good. :3 I’ve managed to do transitions, managed to make everything run smoother so it looks better. Now all I really gotta do is rewrite what I have. Cause that was written on a whim to try and basically get the program.

Now I will rewrite what I have, and I will work on the art afterwards. I really just want to try and get the story written. Because then I can draw to it better. :3

Will there be music? Erm, well no. I don’t have any songs to use. :/ Unless someone can help me with that, it’s just gonna be quiet. D: Sorry.

So, guess what?!!! I've decided I'm gonna do a visual novel of Mai's background. Why? Because it'd be more fun. ^^ So far I've got something written. Is it good? Fuck no. XD Is it fun? YEEEESSSSSSSS! I just need to get my own art in and shit. But right now I've just got the pictures that the program gives so that way I can at least have a basic format. Ya know? But EEEE!!! YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM RIGHT NOW! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Why? I have no fucking clue. I just have been depressed ALL day long. Been wanting to just hide from the world, wait for it to literally end and I no longer exist. Doesn't help that I feel lonely as fuck and my mate is trying to find a place to live. Yes I'm gonna see him tomorrow, thrilled to bits, but... I want him here. Now. ... I suddenly just... Miss him. I fucking hate emotions so fucking much right now.

But besides me having a fucking meltdown, I hope every last one of you has a much better one than me. I have a lot to be grateful for this year, truthfully. I got to find my mate, the one I truly love with all of my being. The one who makes me the happiest, the one who - just being near is all I need. I honestly am glad to have him near me, and yet pained when he's away.

I also got to spend some time at a job, to actually give me work experience. That's great cause now I can officially say that it doesn't matter where the fuck I go, so long as I got the experience, I'm willing to also learn! Fuck yeah I am! I don't want to work at a fast food place, but at this point, fine I will. :/ So long as it gives more than minimum wage. I'm not stupid, it's not livable on. >.> Just ask my mate.

I've also been able to get a car this year. Which honestly, is a HUGE help. I can see my mate so long as I got the gas and such. I passed my 5 classes and was able to go to them with my new car. I think this wasn't the worst, but it wasn't the best. It just... Right now why the fuck am I depressed? I have all I could ever want and need and more. So... What's up with that? I dunno... Maybe it's just a random bad day that most people get, cause I haven't really had them since my new medication. I'm serious too, the meds that I'm on help stable me out, but today... I feel like they didn't. I feel... Like I used to, but not nearly as strong.

I'm not suicidal, for one thing, but yet I also just want to disappear from the face of the planet. Go figure right? But... Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow and maybe the new year will be better.

Do I got resolutions? Fuck no. I can't even lose weight because I have no motivation and no one to go exercise with. As much as I love my mate, I'm NOT helping him with cart pushing at Wal-Mart >w> I do it now and then, but only when I really need an escape from gram. Honestly... I can't cause I'm too lazy to care but yet I want to lose the weight. Yep I'm one of those people, no motivation and yet I complain about my weight. >.> Yeah I shouldn't, cause I know it's stupid and a waste of EVERYONE'S time, but I do it. :I I'm just like any other hypocrite >w> damn me. But ... I hope everyone else has them and can succeed at them.

Best of wishes and let's hope 2014 is better, right?