i just finished my 2nd painting with acrylics and it's all over me... i took off my shirt and yeah... i knew i'd get messy but DAMN i don't know what color my skin is anymore... Lol... I even have a little in my hair i think... XP It's like... "YUS!!!! I'm alive!!!!" Not only was my canvas a was of expressing myself, but the paint on me feels like an expression too... ^.^

Not made by me, made by deezy2neasy. Found on Youtube

i personally didn't like Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop", But i loved Framing Hanley's Remake of it, but when they're mashed together, OMG i don't want to stop playing it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dplFs9p3AWw


not made by me, made by deezy2neasy. Found on youtube

Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. Tag other "Book Nerds". (additional note: put '/' after books you started to read, but didn't finish. Don't include this in final tally, it's for curiosity only. Add a + for books you've completely read more than one time).

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Total: 9

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller x
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 6

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waug
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carrol
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 7

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total: 7

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 4

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert x
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total: 5

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 7

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

Total: 4

80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle x
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total: 4

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo Hey

Total 4

Grand total: 57

Dude, my parents want to send me and my sister and two of our friends to a amusement park because we might be moving in like 2 FUCKING WEEKS!!!!! and like NONE of my friends can clear a fucking saturday night from 6 pm to midnight to do this for us... Even the ones that said they could are backing out. FUCK PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE!!!! I'm Staying with my keyboard... and finding people i can Chill with via keyboard...... -.- *pissed off and wanting to break all of the dishes instead of washing them*

1) Post these rules
2) Post 8 true things about yourself
3) At the end you must tag 8 people and post their icons
4) Go to their page and send them a message saying you tagged them
5) NO TAG-BACKS

I would like to have REAL cat ears...
I have a habit of wagging my butt like i have a tail....
I believe in expressing your mind in doses and expressing your self always...
I love romance and sex.
I love Nora Roberts and I'm a total softy with a mean temper.
I hate my temper more that bible thumpers hate the devil.
I would love to be a tycoon and have billions of dollars so i can give money to animal shelters and homeless shelters and 3rd world countries.....
I constantly wonder about the infinite things in this world.....

As for who I tag--first, I ask for volunteers to see if maybe I AM popular. Failing that, I start picking at random. Watch out.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:20 am

2. How do you like your steak? Rare (when i used to eat it)

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? .... Twilight..... It sucked...

4. What is your favorite TV show? .... Any cop show....

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Arcata California

6. What did you have for breakfast? .... Rice and milk with sweet stuff and cinnamon...

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Asian

8. What foods do you dislike? Lima beans.... *shiver*

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Oriental Buffet....

10. Favorite dressing? None

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? None.... T.T

12. What are your favorite clothes? Jeans and a plain black tee.... Ah... Comfort and sexy....

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Ireland, japan and England

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 ____ depends on my mood.... or if i just drank out of it..... Lol.....

15. Where would you want to retire? The grave.... *doesn't plan to retire.... Why retire from something you like doing... and i hope i do something i like doing.*

16. Favorite time of day? Night.... Late night, early morning, like before sunrise...

17. Where were you born? Arcata, CA

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Baseball

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? uhh....?

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? uhhhh....?

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Anyone.

22. Bird watcher? NO.... i sit there and throw leaf balls at them.....

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? NIGHT!!!!! O>O

24. Do you have any pets? Not right now.... but i HAD 28 cats, 3 dogs, 2 rabbits, and a snake.... ^.^ Ahhh.... The good days...

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I'M PREGNANT!!!! Not really but the pepper shaker on Blues Clue is.... >.< I'm watching a two year old... DON'T JUDGE ME!!!! >.<

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A Vet..... Did i mention that in Arcata i lived in farm land?

27. What is your best childhood memory? ..... ...... ..... ... ..... .... ..... ..... .... *thinks really hard* i don't have any that i could write down..... their mostly picture like.... my favorite is... "My daddy's dark hand, it's larger, as large as my belly, against my small white belly. His dark brown with gold flecks are looking into my eyes, they're smiling and his face is laughing... He's so tan, and the lines in his face are deep.... There are freckles all over his face... my pale hand is one his cheek and it's so small and white...."

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Cat person

29. Are you married? No

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes

31. Been in a car accident? No

32. Any pet peeves? People that never stop talking.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese and pineapple

34. Favorite Flower? All sorts

35. Favorite ice cream? Cookie dough

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? A&W

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? N/A

38. From whom did you get your last email? reply-6cx9q451zvjk[at]findadealnow.net

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? ONE store?

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? h... i do just about everything spontaneously....

41. Like your job? No

42. Broccoli? Okay?

43. What was your favorite vacation? N/A

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? N/A

45. What are you listening to right now? Blues Clues...

46. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

47. How many tattoos do you have? None

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? IDK?

49. What time did you finish this quiz? 7:50 pm

50. Coffee Drinker? EWWW!!!!! Only when i wanna be sick

So today me and my sister went to the Denver Art Museum and like it was 6 and 1/2 MILLION blasts!!!! Just me and her!!! no annoying parents!!! So like yeah we saw so much and i had so much fun and then like i ended the tip with sitting outside the central public library singing and just living in the moment while waiting for my dad to come pick us up!! I had so much fun. I was kinda oddly dressed i guess for the occasion bud W/E Who gives a shit i had a blast in my new converse! (i've wanted converse for as long as i can remember but i've never actually gotten any until now... So I'm Ecstatic...) Today was good... Even if it ended in a migraine it was only a mild, short migraine that didn't interfere with much of my day... ^.^... YAY!!!! i'll post pics when i can but i have a trip to a unknown destination tomorrow so.... idk.... (parents have a suppress trip thingy planned so we're leaving at lie 5:30 in the morning....)...... (( That time should not exist))

Like i need money so i can buy better pencils for my work... the ones i have now are okay, but they don't do the lines right.... X.X Gahh!!!!! So annoying cuz like i'm 16 and No job, and No allowance... and my parents are broke and trying to save money for a (possible) move... It's all just.. BLAH!!! you know what i mean? and on top of that i'm tapped for motivation... I have no idea what to draw... maybe a trip to the art museum will help...

I was reading through my journals... And Ow my neck... i have emotional whiplash... Damn... >.<

Why is my dad such a pig headed asshole... Can no one else have a good ay if he doesn't?
So like here's the break down. This morning my dad is ragging on my sister and is being really fucking mean... And i ASKED him to stop. I mean i was really nice and polite about it too. And he fucking flips around and rips into me and then i snap back because I'm in so much fucking pain i want to kill myself and he's being all "RAWR" about it and then I'm all "It's not fair and it's hurtful" And the little bitch runs and hides in his room to sulk and tells my mother to "Deal with her" So I'm all worked up and go to blink back tears cuz when i get mad i cry and crying makes me sick and since the basement flooded i have nowhere to run to when i get sick and she's getting pissed off at me and then later my dad rips into my mom for me not apologizing. You know what?!?! he can fuck himself with a 15 inch pole up the ass! I'm fucking pissed and if he wants to treat me like that then blame other people for my actions and treat me like shit all day the man can go crawl into a hole and stay there. FUCK HIM!!!! *Seriously pissed off* and i CANT draw out my feelings cuz every fucking tie i pick up my pencil to draw my little brother starts screaming at me for it... FUCK!!!!!!!! Can i just die yet?

*Breathing heavily and fast* OMG OMG OMG I WANNA BE OUTSIDE!!!!! Tornado crap is a maybe!!!! OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!! *Orgasmic*

And i just about pissed myself laughing!!!!

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state; not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

Stolen from a bulletin on my myspace....

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 15 friends. (clown on that shit)
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun


01) SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Smash Hit - All Star United

02) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Numb- tait (not like the linkin park song numb)

03) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dance hall Drug- Boys Like Girls

04) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Alive- Superchick

05) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Handlebars- Flobots

06) WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Here with out you- 3 Doors Down

07) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Is forever enough- Hawk Nelson

08) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Carousel- Reality Check

09) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Shake it- Metro Station

10) WHAT IS 2 + 2?
La La Land- All Star United

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Looking for angels- Skillet

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Diverse City- TobyMac

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Who i am hates who i've been- Relent K

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE.
Stay- Jeremy Camp

15) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Heels over head- Boys like girls

16) WHAT SONG WILL PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Jesus Freak- DC Talk

17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Everything you ever wanted- Hawk Nelson

18) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Savior- Skillet

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
My Obsession- Skillet

20) WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Long Black Train- Josh Turner

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Cross the line- Superchick

22) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Collied- skillet

and checked out 50 books... And currently have 44 that i need to place on hold, and 2 on hold ready for pickup and 2 that are "Request pending"... I think i need another library account... -.-.... (you can only place 30 books on hold and i share my account with my little sister who currently has 22 items on hold... )

I wish they all could see inside of me, cuz then they would know how much it hurts...

I wish they could look inside of me, cuz then they'd know how much i care.

I wish they could look inside of me, cuz then they'd know how much i'm ready to die.

I wish they could look inside of me, cuz then they'd know what they lost and killed

Good news.... I don't have to do dishes....

Bad news.... My bedroom, and my sister's bedroom in our basement is flooded...

Good news... i get to stay up late....

Bad news.... I might never get to sleep in my room again... (->allergic to mildew and mold<

Good news.... My sister's coming bad in 4 days....

Bad news.... Living room floor (upstairs)... here we come...

Good news.... We might be moving....

Bad news.... We might be moving....

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
uh... The one on my upper left forearm, i got last month in arizona at Young Life camp... I was running around in the woods with my friend  redwolf97 and my sister  BlackWolfKitten
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Oh god... Pictures drawn by me, and one by my sister, and one by another one of my buddies... Posters, the stuff out of CD cases, sticky notes that have As on them from my grandma... a sticker with blood all over it... geeze... paintings... and i think that's it...

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
I'll talk in my sleep if i'm having a really hard time dealing with something....

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Oh god... The only thing i don't listen to is stuff that i don't like the lyrics too... No specific genre... And i will listen to SOME classical....

5. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN
Late in the afternoon... Too this day i don't like waking up till late afternoon...

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To finish the manga i'm reading... and to get the dishes done with out me actually having to do them...

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
School... Group ditches, chilling with mah buddies....

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My ring that my Bio mama gave me... my Bio daddy used to have one just like it... i got it for my 15th birthday, and i'll be turning 17 in JAN... I only take it off to clean it and my hand...

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'6" almost... i think... idk... 5'7"?

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
i can, but i have to be scared...

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
When there are nocturnal bugs in the house... Yes... THEN I'm very afraid of the dark....

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
The love of my life, who i had to leave....

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Hanging from ropes.... Even cables... It scares me SO bad....

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I don't care... As long as it doesn't turn their skin an ugly shade... Like girls who tan then go blonde and look orange...

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
Well... i'd like it to be somewhere special to the two of us.... At a special time... You know... If sunrise means something to your love then sunset isn't a good time to propose is it? and vice versa....

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Milk please?

17. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING
When i have to eat it... i would like spinach, olives, cheese and broccoli on wheat crust with pesto sauce Please...

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Fresh off the vine by the ocean sweet peas please....

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
um... The RAINBOW!!!!!

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
if you mean The kind that is made from bread and has cheese flavoring.... Then yes...

21. WHAT WAS THE MOST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
My ring... i've been looking for one since i was 7 or 8....

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
No...

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Tripp

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
18

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Uh... IDC... i like the person under the hair...

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
'Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves'


33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Arcata CA

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
no

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
... v.v.... bugs

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
yeah...

37. FIRST JOB?
baby sitting

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yeah... Ah middle school.... ^.^

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?
Sure.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
The first time, watching Hoodwinked and The Labyrinth, This time... Dishes.... (my mom and i share a compute and she stole it back...)

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Not that i know of.....

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
How strange i am..

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
Nope.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Money and a bank account....

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
Preferably none to one... And as for a name... IDK

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Closed minds....

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
Friends.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Like i'm supposed to know... Ask my dad/ mom... they buy it....

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes... Ohtertime it's Chicken scratch... When that chicken is on crack... >.<

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
None... Lol... OMG Now i want a cheese and avocado sandwich with mayo and alfalfa sprouts... *drools and rubs tummy*

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Temper... Not sleeping... Procrastination....

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
i Can be... i try not to be though...

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Umm, If i was like me... No.... If i was like my friends... Yes.... Lol... If i was a "normal" No...

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
No.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Not really...

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Um... SKIP!!!!!!

58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
lose... Easy.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
The Same bedtime bear i sleep with every night... ^.^ I tied him to my bed so he wont fall off in my sleep.. ^.^

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
over 100... >.<

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Yeah... ha ha...

63. Do you use sarcasm?
No... Not at ALL.... -.-

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Both!!!! All mixed up with corn!!!!!

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Kindness... An ability to be one's self... An ability to express one's self....

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Oh.... Uh.... Cutiebear... Anabear... Bonana... Ana... Ari... Ri-Ri... Wolfie... Blondie... Anna... Ya-ya...

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
Invisibility.....

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Bones... NCIS... CSI, CSI-NY, CSI-Miami... Angel... Law and Order, L&O-SVU, L&O-CI, Burn notice, Psych, Monk, In Plain Sight... The Closer, Cold Case... Charmed...

69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Yell at them and then strangle them... Then look all innocent and cry at the teacher who caught us fighting...

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Vanilla... i like to but strawberries and cherries on it... >.<

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Yeah

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
no

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
none that i know of....

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
CA

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Sure...

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
... Star trek.... Mom's watching it...

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
water... i think....

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?.
My sister

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
From the front and far away, hair, from the front and close up, eyes. From behind and far away, the way they hold themselves/ the way they walk, from behind up close, Their butt.... >.<

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Draw, read, paint, take pictures, sleep...

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Bugs.

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Spring

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
The wax bottles filled with juice.... ICR what it's called....

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
Yeah... She's my sister now...

85. FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
On me... what ever i feel like.... on someone else... What ever looks good on them... ^.^

86. EYE COLOR?
Abstract.... Mine is brown/gold/ green... sometimes blue/ red/ or slightly purple....

87. SHOE SIZE?
Not telling... *blush*

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Anything good that's Chinese....

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
My kitchen....

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Not rly.

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Yup.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
any good day....

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
kinda....

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRATIC?
Ummm, I dunno.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
uh... Paints and a box of 72 colored pencils.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE AN ALCOHOLIC?
Never.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Nothing... Till i get into my room...

Life's a fucking roller coaster... no wonder those things scare the shit out of me.... Lmao!!!

*Sniff sniff* I HATE BUGS!!!!!!!! EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW!!!!!!! SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO GROSS!!!!! EWEWEWEWEWEW NATTY!!!!! JESSICA!!!!! MOMMY!!!!!! SOMEBODY!!!!!! SQUISH THeM AND MAKE THEM GO AWAY!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW *cries and screams* EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS!!!!!!!!! NASTY!!!!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!!! *cries*

Holding out his hand and asking.... "Where'd the chicken go? Where'd it go?"

The world swirls in sorrow as i'm told my time as a kid is running out... But what the hell i'm 16... I never got to be one in the first place... Cant i just take a few days to lounge around and be a teen? hag out with friends... Chill and let my heart soar... When i have a camera in my hands... Child hood memories flood through me, i feel like i'm alive. I relax and can have fun and i see the world through a window of clarity. There are boys and girls i want to hang out with on a sunny after noon... I'm sick of sitting up in my second story window taking pictures of the people below me, waiting for the baby to cry to i can run to it's side and kiss the ouches away... Had i had sex and had conceived the child i would accept this responsibility as my own decision and destiny... But this baby i speak of if my adoptive two year old brother... Now as an older sister i have a responsibility to my family. Specially since my family is so stressed and short handed at the moment... But damn it... I had to raise my biological mother till i was a teen, then i had to raise myself... Damn it... I've earned a few weekends to myself... More than an hour to two on a saturday, literally, by myself.... So what if i'm an "Adult" at 18... in less than 2 years... What the *uc* is one weekend of goofing off at a party with my friends... I spent 13 years surrounded but drugs and booze and NEVER leaned that way... And now they think that if it MIGHT be within 15 feet of me i'll jump head first into it... I do my best to help my disabled parents raise a 2 year old, a 7 year old and a lazy as all hell, wont even get out of bed before noon on a saturday, 15 year old... Why do they trust me so little? i spent the years of 13 and 14 alone... i could have done ANYTHING i wanted... What did i do? I hung out with my friends after school. (Note: My friends were so busy with pokemon that they didn't even notice girls when they walked by naked in front of them....) So what if the kids here are different?!?!?!? What makes them think I'M going to be any different... Im so sick of them treating me like them. Just because mom did all that, DOESN'T mean i am. And with my biological mother being a sex/drug/drink addict, don't they realize how much it killed me to watch her kill herself with that?!?!? Why the hell would i do that stuff?!?!?!? The stress from this crap is giving me nightmares...

by accidently smashing my hand in a car door.... Fun... Painful... Like what the hell....

Jonny Daiz - More Beautiful You lyrics

"Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
Well there could never be a more beautiful you."

And i cried my eyes out because i had been thinking about love, death and how this is just not really worth it all... Normally when I'm in a mood like this i have my sister, but due to the fact that she's over a 1000 miles away in another state... I was playing with the idea of taking my last nap... And My Daddy, then man who left me shortly after birth then doted on me, for the next 10 summers of my life, by turning me into a mini slave, popped into my head and i had my handful of herbal sleeping pills... Then this song started... and i totally remember doing sitting on my bed at 13/14 wishing i looked like them, crying when my grandma would yell at me and call me fat and ugly... Hating my mother who was a drug-addict, but loosing her weight... (never did the drugs ^.^) but now... Listening to that song.. It's like... "Holy hell... That's so true... How did i NOT see it? I'm the best me i can be. And i shouldn't change myself because i should look like them, or because someone wants me to look different... I should look like who i want to look like..." i hope that someone else can be helped by this song too...

Dear God,
Send me home. Not the one, up in the sky, but the out west, on the ocean front.
Put me back in the arms of the people i love.
Don't make me continue to search these rocky lands.
But God, here's my dilemma... I don't want to leave the arms of the ones i love here.
They love me and i them... The idea of the pain of leaving it all again... It's too much to bear...
But staying away hurts like hell too...
And the possibility i'll move anyway. Leaving all this new found love...
Today my other half left for the coast, north of my true home...
I feel like i'm floating away, only held here but my bones that are weighing me down...
Dear God,
Send her back. Then maybe all the pain will fade to a soft pink instead of living as this pulsing vibrant red..

Inspiration... Just hit me like a ton of bricks.... *rubs head* Owwie...

Freeze frame

Things Slow and stop. The smiles and touches all freeze in place.
You can see it all, from the eyes of a stranger. You see the smile, stretching across your face as you laugh with a group of friends. you look around you, past the group and your see the sad eyes of a stranger, looking at you and your friends with a secret longing...

Things start up again, and the day goes by, slipping into the next...

Sitting with the one you love, staring into each other's eyes in the middle of a park, the frame Freezes... it's a pretty picture, but there's something wrong... Then you see her, the girl, looking at him, a tears streaming down her cheeks as you both find out he's cheating on you.

The frame moves again and you slap him and run over to her, She is your sister after all... The day continues with you two crying in each other's arms and cursing yourselves for your stupidity....

Sitting on your windowsill, the moon all Pregnant and pale over your head, the stars twinkling like millions of diamonds spread over black satin and deep purple velvet... Things Come to a stop and you it then... all the things you were missing.. You see the cat hunting the mouse and the moons tears frozen to it's cheeks... Then you see Them... The stranger and your sister, the one you love and your friends. You see them sitting on the grass, laughing, talking, longing, and yelling... Then you think to yourself...

"Why am i up in my window, staring at these pictures of my life, when i could be down there, Living my life..."