Feel free to read... I don´t know what I should write here to be honest. I´m just letting out some steam since I´ve tried other ways but without results. Also sorry for my bad english and grammar, I just want to get this out.

I´m currently more then unhappy with my current work situation. Today I had a fight with my boss again, even for things that I wasn´t responsible, but who cares? It´s my fault if anything happens, no one else. Our store gets it´s cashed picked up by another company. They came to us last friday, the morning shift went home and I was part of the evening shift. As I opened the safe, no cash was prepared for transport and I asked my coworker if she knew anything, but she didn´t. Same for the one who was there all day. In order to give the company some cash, I quickly finished a small bad of money, so that we could give the pick-up-guy at least some money. Usually the money gets prepared after the lunch break. That was the knowledge of my coworkers and myself. But I was proven otherwise today by my boss.

I arrived 10 minutes before my shift began today, I saw that one coworker, who had the morning shift on that friday and informed her quietly and normal that they had forgotten the cashbag. She looked at me and only answered: "But I only had the morning shift". So I went to the breakroom, got my stuff in my locker, set down and ate a bit of my breakfast. Only then my boss came to me and asked me about friday. I signaled her that my mouth is full and that I would answer her shortly. "If you would come more earlier, you would have time to eat" (At that point my shift hasn´t started, so I was still in my free time. But this "When does my shift starts" topic is a fight that we had some years). I calmly explained the situation and all I get was: "Yeah but that had been the evening shifts job to do so". So I asked her, since when does the late shift prepare the bag, if it´s not clear, when it´s getting picked up. They could come at the same moment when the shifts switched and then it would be the late shifts fault?

We had a difference with our cash register of +0,18€ one day. Two worked count the cash every day before the close the store doors. I haven´t counted the cash that day, two other workers did. The following day we had another difference of -0,18€, this time I counted with someone else. This means that the cowrokers from the day before made a mistake. But of course it has been my mistake and I was blamed by my boss by not telling them, to count again. It has been my fault and I was blamed, but the cowroker, who made the mistake and came to the evening shift today, had to face no consequences.

4 Weeks ago, I told my boss that I´ve struggled for a long time to identify with our clothing brand, that I can´t find anything that I like or that I can stand by. She told me that I shouldn´t think to much about that. But two weeks ago, I was called into the office. She asked my if I could still indentify with the company? I asked why she asked. Well her boss showed her statistics that I haven´t bought anything over a year. I looked at her and asked why it suddenly became a problem, since she was the one, who told me, to not worry about it to much. Another topic was why I haven´t been there too early for my shift again.

I don´t drink coffee like the others, I don´t smoke like the others, I don´t need to chat like the others. SO WHY THE HELL SHOULD I COME TO EARLY FOR WORK?

All my doctors and therapists tell me to fuck off, since my mental problems only come from this job. That my mind is full of that stupid shit and that I can´t relax myself. because all I think is: What will i be blamed for next time? Many think that salesman is an easy job. It is, but constantly being blamed for everything bad, makes this job hard. There are jobs that are worse; i know that and I have huge respect for those who can do it. I tried to change my mindset, to find anything positive, but I can´t. I want to get away from it, since I don´t know how much longer I can take this shit.

I even planed to open my own manga-themed shop. Heck, I even created an interior concept, ideas for customer binding, I´ve looked up how the state and goverment support Start-Ups, how discount policies of different puplishers look like, how much I need to save to build this and some laws. I would go in dept ONLY to get away fom this shit show and do something that I WANT.