I hope your new year is as wonderful as you all are!

^w^

As you may have just seen I'm gonna make me a synth fullsuit!

Let's goooooooo!
^w^

I've got me some progress!

The narcissist is gone! And so is her actual metric tonne of stuff!
Well.
Almost. She ditched me with stuff to dispose of but what ever.
My house is mine again! ^w^
It
Is
TIDY!
CLEAN! (In progress)
ABLE TO SEE THE CARPET!

I bid you all a year as happy as I am now!

To move on from the previous post I think it's time to have a more positive journal up for a bit! ^w^

I have decided that despite my reservations in my irl I'm going to make a full costume (fursuit? Scalesuit?) of, well, my namesake! It's gonna be ambitious as hecc but I've got the skills I hope! ^w^

I'm going to make a great pair of mechanical wings, a robotic tail, digitigrade stilts, and make my body just right to do it ^w^ and I'm going to make myself a super pretty dress! °o° the first of such I'll have ever owned! The prettiest I can conceive! I'm open to ideas for sure! ^w^

If anyone's got some thoughts or advice I'm all for it! ^o^

This project is going to be designed to help me answer questions about myself, deep ones, while I put myself back together ^w^* I'll almost certainly be a different person when I'm done.... Maybe that's for the better! Maybe not, but it's gonna be exciting to find out! ^w^

So, a quick update, and why I've been able to post a few sketches again

Turns out, therapy was useful, and while my time with the therapist is coming to a close, I've still got more self discovery to undergo.

The therapy I received back in 2017 was extremely useful, and what I needed at the time, however it wasn't all I needed in total. To liken the trauma to a physical wound, the 2017 therapy stanched the bleeding, sutured the stab wound, and cleaned it up to stop leaking awful, tainted mind energy, this second wave of therapy has been trying to ascertain what I truly need, which ends up looking a lot like the post surgery physiotherapy.

Avoidance is what I do to cope. To compensate for the sense of control I lost I instinctively retract and avoid, well, everything, especially if I don't want to do it. I've got a book to read, and a bit of time to work on it, so I'll be doing that.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice I'm certainly willing to listen/read.

It's also brought on a bit of an identity crisis.

If I thought I was healed and all reet, but I'm clearly not, what else about me am I wrong about? How deep does it go?
Is the very core of who I am who I actually am, or who emerged out of that trauma, and how much of it is salvageable?

IDK, head's a mix, thinking while drawing again. A lot of soul searching coming...

I guess it's finally time I acknowledged it. I'm getting covid blues real bad now. And with my country starting what's looking to be a serious and out of control second wave it isn't apparently going to get better soon.

I'm really missing my irl friends. Discord is worth nothing at all to me anymore. My interest in things is waning a lot, which is why my output of art is so low. I'm just a little glad I don't feel the guilt of being unable to complete paid work or commission's 'cause I don't take them lol.

And then, of course, all the news and social media feeds are full of bad news and worse news on every front, I guess I'm just tired of being the stoic one and unchecked upon.

Plus the last member of my extended family has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. So I guess that's an inciting incident to recognising this persistent low and shitty mood.

I'm gonna call my doc when they're open. Hope they can get me back on track, and soon. I liked enjoying things :(

With that imma take a break from art for a little bit, a week or so, not that my upload schedule will suggest a change there... Maybe I'll try inktober again we we'll see how I go.

I'll keep checking up on here for messages and other people's pictures of course!

Howdy all!

Thanks for the overwhelming positivity from the last journal I posted!

I gotta say love you all >^w^<

I'm going to keep requests permanently open for now! They won't be at the same pace as before, since I'm not sick as hecc and bound to a 10ft by 8ft bed room with just a desk and a sketch pad, but put what you want below! I'll get to it soon enough ^w^


Da rulez;

- it's gotta be commented below, I won't be accepting PM requests!
Notes disappear, so they'll get lost and forgotten! Also, if you're embarrassed by the request I probably don't want to draw it!

- read the room, there's a list of things I won't draw, and this will probably get added to if something spectacular occurs!
It's all gotta be SFW. No pronz, no excessive gore, or blatantly fap material! I'll do the odd TF stuff tho.

- if you ask for children and it's not the most wholesome thing that's been approved by Bob Ross, Steve Erwin, and Mr Rogers you will get blocked! And definitely publicly mocked for being the worst kind of scum! I've had a couple in the PMs and that's what lead to the journal post the other day...

Otherwise it's fair game! I'll give a go at what I can do! I'm still learning so anything is destined for more learning potential! Bring your friends!

A couple things to expect tho;
Mostly sketchy stuff, pencil colour or digital colour :) I love y'all but copics are a little much to be spending on requests when my paper drinks the ink ówò.

Hope all your days are as fantastic as they be! >^w^<

Howdy all

I've seen a couple others give a load of life detail, of themselves IRL. To be clear I don't expect anyone to read all of this, and is more of a vent post than anything. It certainly contains stuff I never talk about with people IRL.

So, here goes a load of detail without making it easy to chase me down on facebook or other social media!

Its gonna start a little bit sad, but rest assured it does get better.

I'm from the East Midlands of England.

I had started drawing a little at a young age, trying still life, such as the play park equipment near me, and even then I never got very good. I never learned the fundamentals, or anything, it was scribbling with the pretence of art. Which was fine, for the time. I also did warhammer, played the trumpet, and a few other things that I don't remember too well.

At the age of 11 all of those stopped, the reason has a content warning, so the reason will be explained at the bottom, so don't say I didn't warn you of distressing material.

So after that I stopped all of my hobbies, except for video games. The N64 and PS2 were my only friends for a few years, until I met the guy that got me in to D&D, but that didn't solve any problems, it just gave me another avenue of escapism.

I got average grades, despite putting in minimal effort. All the way through secondary school I was relentlessly bullied for my withdrawn and frankly pathetic demenour (plus my personal hygiene suffered which didn't help). I was the weird kid who was an easy target, even my friends (one small group of outcast bullied kids excluded) didn't want to know me if there was a chance I could be seen by their other friends.

I went to college (high school for those from the states) and got mediocre science qualifications, sunk further in to escapism and poor familial relationships, family nearly broke up.

Went to university during the height of the student finance issues, had to live off £200 for 4 months, managed that. Had to repeat that the following year but in private rental not halls of residence, so was harassed by bailiffs for loans that were late. Ended up failing because of escapism and stress from finance issues.

Took a year out, wasted a load of money trying to escape the family, and had nothing to show for it. Tried to write a 40k novel, but I'm not really a writer. I had good prose but bad story (not practised the skill since, hence the lacklustre prose here, lol). Went back to university for two more years, got more student debt (which in England is a lot less than other countries and has a minimum wage requirement for repayments to start, and the debt is wiped off after like 30 years, so non-loans really). Wasted those years with escapism.

Then I got a job, started being productive. Started off well, a packing job in a cycle parts distribution centre. Started easy enough, but then after a couple of years it started getting seriously abusive. I was on a low wage, and due to the nature of cycles and prams parts sold well in summer, and almost didn't in winter, so in summer I would pay off the debts I acquired in winter. Then I had to take on a second job during the worst time in 2018. I tried to escape the place a couple of times, went from asthmatic couch potato over 125kg unable to jog 100m to able to complete a half marathon in a blizzard across 2017, getting down to a much more lean 95kg, in an attempt to join the MoD police, which would have been a poor move for someone who can't stand around at a gate with a rifle for 12 hours a day, 150 miles from home, random days a week. I even got laser eye surgery on a finance deal I couldn't REALLY afford at the time.
And I failed to get in to the fire department end of 2018. The second job I worked back in Q2 2018 saw me regularly working 24 hours out of 30 conscious hours. Later in the year the main job went up to 65+ hours a week of physically demanding labour. That was a tough time. During this time I put on a load of weight again, didn't rebound fully, I split the difference. At the end of that year I manged to run 15 miles, from my town to the next one via the satalite villages (as the first damned blizzard in 4 years arrived), which did me an injury which took until mid last year to get properly recovered from, so I'm only now getting the distance back up (did 7 miles last night).

About six months before I started that job I took up historical reenactment, one of the main things that kept me going during the tough times. I joined a relatively local group, after a year of that I formed a group for the society in my local city, and ran that for a few years. Good times, until the group kind of drifted during an emotionally turbulent time. I then joined the regional household and fought for the baron (regional manager, really) until he retired from the role at the beginning of this year, when all members of the household were forcibly sent back to their local groups, or became loose agents. I was then asked to help a group out which had some political issues and a leadership void, so that's my next year sorted.

It was during this time, mid 2017 I took drawing back up again. I made a very serious attempt at improvement, getting every tip, trick, and lesson I could, playing with as much as I could. Drawing D&D characters, I ended up drawing my favourite one a lot more than the rest, who you know as my profile. My partner ran an amazing game but super unreliably... Anyway.

At the end of my time at the shithole that shall not be named, I had a life line, family decided to give me training in health and safety, so that's what I do now. I don't love it, I don't hate it. I get to travel and I'm not desk bound 3/5ths the week.

As for my involvement in the furry/scalie community, I was a lurker from 2007 onward, because I had difficulty with my sexuality. I couldn't look at porn, it almost physically hurt to look at real humans getting it on, no matter how staged or consenting, I couldn't look at it (this relates to the CW for the bottom of the page). So I got some DA and FA accounts under an email I claimed was hacked years prior (but is actually my junk email address) (and I was using new names on DA and other sites). Followed a bunch of people, been watching the community and the niches grow for a damned long time. Even now, with a loving partner who accepts the difficulties I've had, it's still not easy. They don't know about this, but I suspect they have suspicions. I'm fine with it being kept that way. Plus some of the fetishes I've ended up developing are just plain weird. Not gonna discuss them, although if you've looked through my gallery there is one that cropped up twice. But its mostly SFW so I don't mind drawing it. I won't draw NSFW. Risque/ tasteful nudes every now and then, sure, but I'm not gonna draw porn. The other reason why I am trying to keep out personally identifying info is because IRL I'm so far in the furry/scalie closet I'm in bloody Narnia. If anyone asks me I will say no. And if anyone does figure out who I am I won't publicly acknowledge it. (TBF Not that it would be hard to find my IRL social media, I've hardly been careful enough, but I guess what I'm saying is I'm asking nicely, please keep it to FA). I guess I feel like this is some terrible, life destroying secret, but it probably isn't. I'm not gonna test that hypothesis though. Confessing here feels like enough.

Love life was very lonely for a long time. On reflection it was self inflicted, a protection method. A 3 month fling at the end of secondary school (age 16) then nothing until in 2016 I was approached by a crazy Brazilian lady who chased me down on social media. She spent 4 months exacerbating my undiagnosed PTSD (combined with the group I founded drifting to 2 people from 17) to the point I nearly threw myself off a balcony at my place of work. Nearly ruined Christmas for a few people....

Beginning of 2017 I got professional help, and the undiagnosed PTSD became diagnosed, and somewhat successfully treated. Got a great partner during the show season that year, whom I'm still lucky enough to be with, and even planning to put a ring on.

Therapy was the best thing I did, it allowed me to grasp life by my own hands, rather than living, passively hoping for the pain to go away. Misery, for the most part, was a choice, it took a moment of clarity to see that and make the choice. Still, it hasn't prepared me for everything I would encounter. Which, I think, is what inspired this journal. I guess I'm hoping that by being able to acknowledge everything like this will help me just put my head in to the right place.

So yeah, now; life is good. I'm climbing out of old debt at a great rate of knots, and the rest of my life should be smooth sailing. I've got a lot of good friends, my hobbies on hold for COVID but that's kind of a wild card on everyone's schedule, but my fitness is back way on track. And I'm drawing a lot more than I have done previously. Mind you, Mass Effect has kind of eaten some of my time this last fortnight. (okay, most of lol)

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I'm still open for requests, comment on the previous journal any ideas you want to see. I'll get round to them when I do. If its in that journal it won't be forgotten, even if it takes a while for me to do it. I'm just working on the technical skills or the inspiration to do it. When I do a requests image I'll transfer it over to the chat threads in the gallery. All I ask is that anyone making requests reads the room, if you will.

Which brings me to a list of things that, apparently, require clarifying, and have contributed to the mixed up mess that has been my head this last couple weeks.

- I will draw violence, but not gore. This is more technical skill, but its not an area I have much interest in. Especially excessive gore. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, sure, for the right piece. Otherwise, no.
- Licensed characters, you're pretty unlikely to get one out of me. Right person, right character maybe. But no. I know enough about copyright licencing law and have had an unlucky streak enough that I don't even want to touch it. I don't get away with ANYTHING. No matter how small it seems to be.
- Porn. Just. No.
- If you ask for child porn I will rightly tell you to fuck off. Especially if it arrives via a DM. Even if it's adjacent to CP.
- Anything that's from a DM. If you want to ask for it, everyone has to be able to read it.

I'll reiterate all this when I either make the next Requests journal, or submission, which ever happens first.
So:
What was the content warning for at the beginning of this journal?

When I was 11 years old I was raped.

I'm not providing details, just explaining why I'm strange, eccentric, and have a strange list of unusual behaviours/snaps.

So, there it is, a slightly doctored version of my life story. Not all the best bits, but certainly most of the worst bits. Just a little reconciling with myself.

I'm open again for a couple of requests, same as before. Sketchy style.

I've got a new sketch pad and the big request I had I'm gonna do digitally when I have my tablet's power cable back!

All requests must be asked for in the comments of this journal!

I look forward to hearing from you! :)

I've got enough things to sketch now thanks everyone, I've got more coming but I'm also still getting requests in and I gotta draw a line somewhere, I'll post stuff as its done!

Taking some requests!
Just ask!

Because I've had a number of people ask how I have been making it on facebook here's the how-to I've compiled with WIP pictures! Enjoy!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/10s.....w?usp=drivesdk

If I were to do an art live stream would anyone be interested?

So I was working hard in the latest image and got the the end of yesterday, had a break, had to restart my laptop. Turns out no changes were saved by the auto save feature or the dozens of times I hit the save button.
Like.
None.

Took forever getting it right and looking great.
Now that was literally a waste of time.
After spending hours trying to redo the work I just can't. I can't make myself do it.

What do you folks do to help with such a fuck up of a computer? I mean situation?

I've been carving armour! Its been going fairly well, got some more scales to cut and a few gaps to fill before I start painting!

I can't say I'm a fan of the adhesive!

So, I'm sure you've seen that I've decided to give cosplaying a go, so because I'm forever an idiot I decided I'm going full hard core by making myself an argonian cosplay based on the medium armour from ESO! Not playing anyone in particular, but something that should be fun to parade around at conventions! (When they happen again!)

I'm struggling with designs for the head but the rest is going to be relatively easy!

I am one step away from a confirmed Corona virus victim, so I've got it, been told to isolate from others. Possibility of more art!
I'll ask on here if anyone has suggestions!

And have a great new year!

Y'know what.
I'm gonna take a request or two.
No nsfw, just fun or epic stuff.

Edit; I'm busy until January!

I've been challenged do a piece which I will take longer, a week on, to slow me down and do something more technically skilled. I'm just a little short on ideas....
Got one?

Y'all ever have a game which ends in screaming rows?