You guys might heard about what happened to Dragoneer and... things about FA.
It's traggic and sad but since FA might disappear in the near future, people who still wants to contact me, please contact or add me on;

Twitter : https://x.com/KPYOSHI
Telegram : https://t.me/Lime_Ade
Discord : LimeAde#3910
BlueSky : https://bsky.app/profile/lime-ade.bsky.social
Weasyl : https://www.weasyl.com/~kpyoshi
IB : https://inkbunny.net/KPYOSHI
Pixiv : https://www.pixiv.net/users/225835

I've been here since 2007 Feb, and here is like, 80% of my furry memory is stored I think.
It's sad that we might lose them all but I have no idea how to back up all the stuffs.. (at least I have all my artworks in my hard drive. the one i'm saying is like my journals and such)
Anyway... Big OOF... *sad*

Hope this site still remains in the future!

Thanks to the Support team, I could reset my password and take my account back.
I format my PC to remove any potential 2nd hijack threat, and set 2FA settings again...
I'm sorry to friends who got suspecious messages from my hijacked account.
I will be more careful about this kind of stuff from now on ; _ ;...

One of my friend sent me message something about "game in C++ and golang" and.. I fell for it. oof.
So my account got hijacked and now it's spreading the same shit too;;;
Please ignore my message and don't download anything!!! You know i'm not a game developer bird <_>;;;
Sorry about this happening and I'm also busy trying to restore my account...

I made a temporary new account. Lime_Ade#9272

Due to the mental and physical health problem, I could not continue work anymore.

...so yeah. I guess I can't work at company style work place. need to find a new way to sustain my life.

At least I won't get massive stress from workplace, my depression and anxiety disorder will get better... until my financial states go unstable.

I will start exercise again and focus recover my physical health and strength. and try to make/do some new hobbies...

I know the current situation is bad for everyone, but if you can support me, it will be really appreciate ; _ ;

https://ko-fi.com/kpyoshi

https://paypal.me/kpyoshi

Hope everyone is doing ok. I will try to take care of myself and keep survive...

It took a long...
At this situation, it was really hard to get a new job.

I'm nervous and excited just like when I got my first job >_>;;;
But I have some experiences... Hope I can handle it well this time.

This time, my position is [sales technical support] ... so it's technically not a sales department, but kinda sales-ish job.
So I think it's sales-engineer but less sales stuff. supporting sales team with my technical knowledge.
Explain our products to customer, handling product issue, period of delivery and such.

The company name is TDK. which is the first company who commercialized the ferrite? so I guess it's not a small company.

Wish me good luck! My job starts at 20 of this month.

It's my 28th birthday.

Thanks to Corona-19 virus, don't have any plan to go out or meet people lol.

Lingo: ...well even though there is no virus pandemic, you don't have friend to have a party ='_'=

Lime: shut up QzQ

BTW, I got a job interview chance, but also due to the corona virus thing, it got delay and not sure when it will be <_> (I have to wait...)

Anyway, hope everyone stay safe... it's hard to live in Korea . v .

Hello, I'm still alive. and still looking for a job...
Recently keep contacting with head hunters and applying my resume, but so far no good news ; - ;

anyway I become 28 next week. (Feb.26)

Last year, I wished 2020 will be a good year, but so far, terrible things are happening >_>... like, Corona-19 virus thing going around my country...
(South Korea is between China and Japan, and we have tons of Chinese visitors...)

Oh, but there are some good thing. I've been exercising and finally reached 47kg. (used to be like 42kg X_X )
Hope I can reach over 50kg. I'm way too skinny.

Wish me good luck ; z ;

I need to write down the list so I can keep track my works <_>;;;

Regular commission
 thatguywithmultiplecharacters Simple Character Sheet (paid) done
 toastsergal MEME (paid) done
 donkeysaur Random Sketch doodles (paid) done
 mulixman33 Pin-up (Paid) wip

Stuck in Wall YCH Commission
 insanesergal flat (paid) done
 colocon1 flat (paid) done
 dragoncaretaker flat (not paid) -
 daysir - (not paid) -

Tell me if I miss something!

Before I quit my job, I had like, 9,000,000KRW in my bank account.
After half year passed, now I have 2,700,000KRW

...DAMN. I need some steady income ; - ;

I am trying to take art commission, but it's not going very well...

So I was thinking that maybe I can be a game streamer... on Twitch.

https://www.twitch.tv/lime_ade

This is my Twitch channel, and since I'm very new at this stuff, it needs more contents I guess. It would be helpful if you participate and support me.

Also I have Patreon but- I'm not updating my patreon much since I am not very active on art stuff . v .

...Anyway, I need to find a way to earn some money to keep me alive x_x;;;

Yesterday, I had anxiety attack again.

I felt like someone is not letting me go to the bathroom, and starts feeling like someone is cooking my brain on the frying pan with a low heat.
Feeling uncomfortable and anxious without proper reason, negative thoughts overwhelmed me.

'what am I doing here. I'm a jobless looser. I want to die'

Then, panic attack happened. at least my heart wasn't pounding hard, around 72 BPM. but I was losing my sh*t.

Gladly I had emergency meds for the panic attack. I took them and I could quickly calm my s*it down soon.

... I was reducing the dosage of my SSRI gradually. of course with my therapist's decision.

10mg to 5mg, 5mg to 2.5mg, daily to every second day. lowering like that every week.

I thought I could overcome the anxiety disorder and quit my drug soon, but I guess I'm wrong.




...*sigh* help me.

There was been many things happened. Tired to explain all, but the result is, I quit my job again.

My next plan is recover my health, start exercise to gain some strength, get healthy body.
Then, looking for some Spanish class to finish my Spanish learning.

And.. looking for some new hobby like crafting stuffs. or fixing stuffs. and maybe looking for new job.

Anyway since I'm jobless now, gonna cut down some spending. like, such as my phone plan and some of my Patreon pledges and such . v .

At least I feel much better now. no regrets. It was mostly for my physical and mental health.

If you want to support me financially, that would be much appreciate.

jaeyoung1329[at]naver.com is my paypal account and here is my Ko-fi page.
https://ko-fi.com/kpyoshi

I’m in my bed. Bad thoughts overwhelming my head. Actually it was happening before I take a shower. I thought taking a shower would makes me feel better because it usually does.
but I still wish that hope I don’t wake up in the next morning.
Today, because of the anguish it made me thinking about hanging myself. To escape from this reality.
My everyday feels like a walking on a tightrope. or standing on the cliff edge. I keep trying to stay sane but also about to lose my shit in any second.
It’s like eternal pain.
I keep try to grasp some hope and believe that give it some time and things will get better but I’m not sure it’s getting better or worse.
Anyway I made it through another day...

私は多分私の人生で結構今まで迎えた事のないでかい波を迎えているのかもしれません。
私は今まで色んな波を何とか乗り越えながら生きていましたが、今度の波は結構きついですね。
体も精神も砕けそうで、もぅ何もかも諦めたいところです。何日前は生への執着も消えて、ただ死ななくて生きている存在だと思いました。
死にたいけど自殺はだめ…でもこのように生き続けても何の意味も、楽しみも、目的や目標もなく、ただ受動的に誰かにされるがままに、そんな風に死ぬまで生き続くのはいやだ…

…本当に体や精神が不便で、あと数日だけ生きたい人には贅沢な話だということは知っていますが、でもそうやってもっと不幸な人と自分を比べながら相対的な幸せを得ることに何の意味があるのでしょう。
結局自分や周りの環境が変わらない限り現在の問題は何も変わらない。薬に頼って不安や鬱を落ち着かせても根本的問題や現象を解決しない限り、何も変わらない。
私は、傲慢かもしれませんが、多分頭ではいろいろと理解していると思っています。でも頭では理解していてもそれを実現するのがなかなかできない。
自分の人生を幸せにするのも不幸にするのも心次第とか…よく聞いたりしますが、それが簡単にできないのです。
何でいつもまじめになろうとするのか、なんでみんなを満足させようとするのか、なぜ自分にそんなに厳しくて自ら苦しむのか。
今までの注入式教育のせい？自分の価値観のせい？理由は未だに分かりません。
たまにはちょっとだけ無責任になりたい。たまには自分自身の為に生きたい。たまには悪い人になりたい。でも習慣はそう簡単に変えない。

今私を一番苦しめているのは何なのか未だに整理できません。仕事が適性に合わないから？期待したことと違って？もしくは組織(チーム)の人が難しくて？又は自分が自分に厳しすぎて？
…もぅ頭の中が雑念と悩みと心配でいっぱいで、いっそ死ぬ方がマシだと思うレベルまで行ってました。だから最近は薬の力に頼ったりしてわざと頭を空にしようとしています。（でも副作用が酷くて現在は薬は飲んでません）
そう、ちょっとだけ、無責任になろう。自分の事だけ考えよう。命の危機だから、仕方ないんだ。自己合理化しながら、生き続けてみようとしています。
来週になるとまた仕事に戻る。上の人に私の悩みを話して近いうちに社長面談もします。会社は一応組織が優先だから、私のような新入りのわがままを聞いてくれるのはできないでしょう。
慎重に自分の状況と要求事項、そして私が会社で何がしたいかをアピールすれば…たぶんそれが今の私ができる最善。勿論これ以上の良い方法や努力する方法もあるとは思いますが、
今の力と体力ではこれが限界だと思います。

…まぁ、それでも失敗だったら…最悪仕事を辞めれば良いんでしょう。直ぐ死ぬわけでもないし、本当に死ぬよりはましだろうし。
ただし、その後がまた怖いんです。今度また諦めたら2回目。これ以上会社生活が出来るか？私は社会に適応できないのか？私を受け入れてくれる会社が見つかるか？
仕事が見つからなかったらこれからどうすればいいか…まぁ、暗闇で答えの出ない悩みばっかり頭の中で無限ループしてまた自分を苦しめます。

…なんとか生きてみます。

OK I wrote down in Japanese to summarize my thought first.
Well I could just write down in Korean first but then I will have to translate into Japanese again for my Japanese friends.
Since Korean and Japanese has very similar grammar structure, I just wrote down Japanese first.

I think I'm heading to biggest wave in my life.
I've been overcome many waves in my life, but this time I'm not sure I can make it.
It's shattering my mind and body that makes me want to give up everything.
and actually few days ago, I lost my will to live and became suicidal.
I was living just because I couldn't die.
I know suicide is bad. but if I still live like this, without any fun, any purpose, just living passively, ordered by someone until end of my life? I don't want to live like that.

I know this can be luxurious thinking for people who actually dying now, who wants to live few more days.
But, what's the meaning of getting happiness from comparing your life with others?

If I don't change myself or surroundings, things won't change.
Relying on drug might reduce my depression and anxiety but this can not fix the problem.
This might sound arrogant, but I understand pretty much on my head. but it's hard to move into action with my body to realize and make a change.
"You are the master of your own life and you can make your reality into heaven, or hell. it all depends on your mind" Yes I understand that very well but it's not that easy.

Why am I always trying to be diligent, trying to satisfy everyone, why am I so harsh on myself and tormenting myself?
Is that because of our education system?(teaching by rote, obey to your boss) or because of my set of values? I still don't know why.
Sometimes I want to be less-responsible. sometimes I want to live for myself. sometimes I want to be a bad person. but you can't change your habit easily.

I am still not sure and confused what is making me so suffering.
Is it because my job doesn't fit to me? different from what I expected? or can't get along with my team? or I am too hard on myself?
...My head was full of thought, anxiety and depression, I almost wanted to kill myself. So I tried SSRIs to empty my head. (but failed because of side effects, and I quit my drug now)
Let's be a less-responsible person. Care myself first. I'm on life-threat level situation so I can rationalize myself..

Next Monday, I will go back to work. I told my situation to my boss and he told to the higher person, there will be interview with my company CEO.
I know the group comes first for the company and they can not listen all my whining stuff.
I need to carefully explain my situation and requirements wisely and appeal what I can do for the company I guess.
I think that is probably the best thing I can do for now. of course there might be much better solution or way to try hard, but with my current strength and health, this is my limit.

and- if everything fails... in worst case, I can just resign my job. I won't die immediately if I lose my job right now. and It is much better than actually kill myself (if it's killing me).
But I'm just afraid of 'the next'. If I give up again, this is the 2nd time. Can I continue my company life? Can I adapt into this society? Will there be a company that can accepts me?
What if I can't find my job, what should I do... well, this answerless worry is endlessly looping in my head and tormenting myself continually.

...anyway I will keep try to stay alive and survive.

Dying mentally. also slowly physically.

Almost lost will to survive. life feels meaningless. nothing is fun anymore.
eating is for keep my body alive. sleeping too. and sex? ...I dunno anymore.

I didn't even take the SSRIs for week. but already struggling hard. not sure it's because of the side effects.
My situation seem stuck. my future seem dark. I need to change.
Change myself or change my environment.

Tomorrow, I will try to contact HR team and ask for moving my department to do more researching work.
I've been try to work as a salesmen for 5 months (almost half year) I know it's still very short, but the more I work, I realize it's not for me...
I'm bad at accounting stuff so pretty sure it's not good for selling stuff and such.

But I love studying about our company products and doing research/experiment stuff.
No matter what will happen, I will try it. I have to try something, anything to change this situation.
I am the master of my own life.

*deep breath and sigh*

Wish me good luck.

Well. because of General Anxiety Disorder, I finally went to mental clinic. and got prescription.

I've been trying hard at my work. maybe too hard.

Don't work hard. work smart. maybe i'm not very smart?. I dunno.

I think too much on everything. worry about stuff that I shouldn't have to.

Care about other's thinking too much. since when I was caring other's eyes and opinion?.. I used to be live my own life style.

but I guess it's because of our Asian society, other people's eyes are pretty critical?

anyway I couldn't just handle myself with cheerful words and good advice from my family, friend, and other senpai.

So I had to go mental clinic. and I got some [paroxetine] stuff.

This will take some time to work out. like 1~2weeks. so yeah let's try this stuff and hope for the best.

...I have huge anxious event in the next Monday <_> ugh I don't want to go work... but...I have to face it...

Work itself is..ok i think. it's really difficult, but I can handle it. problem is my seniors. they are not mean, but not so kind... and hard to communicate. ugh.
most of them are workaholic, and tsundere. and perfectionist. (and I am also wanna-be perfectionist.)
I know that they are not bullying me, and they have high expectation from me, want me to work like pro ASAP.
but I still need and want more help, and it's hard to get help from them... *sigh*

anyway, I'm.. ...or I was doing ok but maybe not so ok anymore. but I will try to be okay.

seeya.

My 3-month probationary period ends in this month.

then I will become a regular worker at Nitto Denko Korea. as a sales engineer. (it's kinda like a salesman that works between Business-to-Business)

I graduate my college last year.

No one will say or order to me to what to do.

...almost 20 years, I, and pretty sure 98% of Korean are grown to be [ordered by someone].

To be a [good slave]. follow the boss without complaint or such.

But world is changing (-slowly). They still want a good 'slave' but also want them to be a 'independent'. quite irony tho.

I got a job. just like everyone else do.

but- why am I working?

mostly for the money.

why do I need money?

-to live. to buy what I want. for the future..? and... ...hmm.

The tutorial is over. I'm now 27. but I still feel like I'm 22 or such.

Age doesn't make you magically become an adult. just makes you old...

I feel like I'm just a big old child . v .

what have I learned in my entire life? ... what our country's educational system done to us?

Am I smart? am I decent? I still feel so confused and puzzled. No Idea what do to, or how to live.

I'm...just staying alive because I'm not dead. ...and I'm just trying to live my life as happy as possible.

...anyway I'm doing ok I guess.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9070793/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9070793/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9070793/

go check out ' v ' I love his art a lot

After quit my job from Panasonic Industrial Devices Sales Korea(PIDSKR), I had some moment to refresh myself.
And finally, got a new job again!

So, I will be get busy again from 2019.

But I heard that this company has very good 'work and life balance', so.. I guess I can still help my friend's translation works (VILOUS related workds).

Another try. Wish me good luck!

and oh, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8944528/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8944528/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8944528/

Go check out ' v ' !

 lime-ade

I decide to separate nsfw works from now on.
This main account will be stay alive, but mostly upload Vilous stuff and SFW contents.

but yeah sometimes will upload NSFW stuff mostly advertising my Patreon contents and such.

So, please go check out ' v ' !

Today, I'm going to Japan for a while.
I will return at November 24.

I will visit  coju and  mick39 and  kiki-uma and other Japanese friends.

...This might be my last trip.
after I return from this trip, I must look for a new job, and when I get a new job, I will be busy earning money...

Hope I can enjoy my last trip and have some full of good memories with my friends >_<...

I will be able to contact online. so, the one who pokes me on Telegram, you might still be able to contact me.

anyway, wish me good luck!

Since I quit the job, and currently have no income, I started Patreon.

https://www.patreon.com/KPYOSHI

But since it's newly born and still very few watcher/patron, I think I should start Commission again.

I will take 3 slots first.

Here's the Price info and samples below!

- Do Adult Work
- Related with Religious, Politics theme will be refused
- https://www.f-list.net/c/lime%20ade things that in [No] list might be refused in high probability
- MEME parody work is welcome

Price List

Sketch : 20USD
-add simple color : +5USD
Line art : 30USD
Flat : 40USD
Color : 50~80USD (Price may vary depends on the complexity)
Character sheet : more or less $120, but ask me.

Extra character charge

Sketch : +10USD per each
Sketch with simple color : +10USD per each
Line art : +15USD per each
Flat : +20USD per each
Color : +25USD per each
Character sheet : N/A


Samples

Sketch : SFW , SFW , NSFW , NSFW

Sketch with simple color : SFW , SFW , Mature , NSFW , NSFW

Line art : SFW , NSFW , NSFW , NSFW

Flat : SFW , SFW , NSFW , NSFW

Color : SFW , Mature , NSFW , NSFW

Character sheet : SFW , NSFW , SFW , SFW

https://www.patreon.com/posts/20771674
https://www.patreon.com/posts/20771674
https://www.patreon.com/posts/20771674

[quote]
For start-up advertise, maybe I should do some raffle thing o 3 o


How about some free doodle?


I will draw you some simple stuff. If you have some idea, suggest me.

(ex: bring your ref and art/meme to be parody by me)

or I can sketch practice with your OC ' v '


Rule:

1.You have to follow my patreon (if you pledge some, that would be nice. but it's free!)

2.Put a link of your OC or Sona's ref and give me an Idea :D (If you don't, I will just draw what I want with your character)

3.If you spread my patreon with any method (like, twitter, FA journal, etc) and give me proof, will give you another number.

4.I will use random.org to choose the winners (maybe 3~5 people?)
[quote]

https://www.patreon.com/posts/20771674
https://www.patreon.com/posts/20771674
https://www.patreon.com/posts/20771674

Visit my Patreon and leave your comments with Idea would be nice!

https://www.patreon.com/KPYOSHI

I've been thinking about running Patreon stuff.

Hoping that try to keep myself motivated? like, draw doodle for my friend or practice, be creative...

I still didn't plan about what to fill up >_>

Some of my friend know that I have some personal group chat on Telegram.

I started it without much plan, but with my friends help, now it's kinda... a [group] now >3>

So, I want to make my patreon be fun and nice place to share ideas with my friends ' 3 '

The start will be tiny, but I hope it become BIG

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8806916/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8806916/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8806916/

I really love his work. please go check out!