My son is one year old. I rule at my job. I can out drink you.
Still. The one and only. GOD. DAMN. DRAGON.
Period.

Ezra and Me.
3 years married today.

Go say something to her since no one says anything to me. http://www.furaffinity.net/user/ezrastarscale

Screw off.

So I am making an appeal to the furry community. I need help. Financial help. Power outages and loss of home are both possibilities facing me down. With a new son to my name, a wife out on unpaid maternity leave, and debt that looms over me, I am faced with few happy options. I've been working to correct things but unfortunately timing is an issue.
My muse is dead. My hope is fading, and to be honest my fire is burning out. If anyone can, please help.
I hate asking for help and this is my last option.
Any aid will be greatly appreciated, paypal donation to my wife's paypal below.

https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/w.....1e7e8cc0df6b0b

Yep, today marks the tenth day of my son being in this world. Atticus Hugo.

The God Damn Dragon has a God Damn son!

With in the hour Ezra and I will be headed to the hospital, labor will be induced tomorrow morning, my son will enter this world.

I dare you.

Anyone that doesn't ask will be viewed as a coward. Cowards are yellow. I can't see yellow. Get it?

Suck it.

There is something to be said about repairing your own car...
...what did you idiots think I meant?

From bottom to top
Meat [this includes beef, ox, mutton, venison and the like]
Alcohol
Pork and Poultry [this includes eggs]
Fish and Invertebrates [the mobile plants of the sea]
Cheese and other Dairy
Tobacco Salt Spices etc.

I eat like this, I exercise, I feel awesome.

Mother's Day means something entirely new to me now. With  ezra_starscale very near her due date with my son, it sort of hit me last night that my perspectives have changed. My mother was, in polite terms, a psycho self serving demented projection of needless guilt, and such forever tainted my view of holidays in general and mother's day in particular.
However, all has changed. My wife is now the mother on mother's day. A mom. And I a father.
I like this new way of thinking I am slowly adopting.
Happy God Damn Mother's Day all you idiots! HA!

Can openers. Scissors. Notebooks. Bank Pens with that damn chain. Can openers! Ergonomic mouse. Ergonomic grips on anything. GOD DAMN CAN OPENERS.

I am left handed. This is not a disability so why do some people say "I'm sorry" when I tell them? [true story].
Hey lefties! What do you say we start saying "left handed or WRONG handed?"

Rant over.

Very rare cut of sirloin, pan seared in real butter. A small chunk of extra sharp cheddar. Two beers. One raw egg. Ten reps with ten pound weight per arm. Swing 16 pound sledgehammer half swing 20 times each side. Third beer.

What did you do for dinner?

So I have this cat, Loki, right? There are pics of him when I got him years back dressed in a fabulous boa. Not only does he play fetch, presumably because he studied how pets interact with owners, he also doesn't understand the fundamentals of what it is to be a cat.

Here are some examples: He plays fetch like a dog. He didn't understand hissing wasn't a form of greeting [took weeks before he figured that out]. He doesn't like salmon and prefers a cat food with a garden sauce. He drinks soap water from the sink.
And now, just now, he indulged in eating bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had to hold it, if I tore pieces off to give him he literally raised one eyebrow Spock style.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Consider? Are there some I wouldn't?

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
When the mood takes me.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The side I'm on usually. I don't like beds though so go figure.

4. Do you masturbate?
Yeah, and it is glorious.

5. How often? Lately?
Sometimes I go for weeks without, sometimes several times a day. Twice in a row before work last night, that late enough?

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No at first but it was so good I got paid.

7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
I do enjoy relaxing in a bath, but shower if I don't have time.

8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Both.

9. Do you watch/read pornography? With other people?
Yes, and write. Others are always welcome.

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
I enjoy a challenge just as much as someone that gives me free reign.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
Yes. My wife for starters.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Not all of them, hell some of them I was drunk when I added them and have no clue.

13. Would you choose love or money?
Money. You don't choose love, it just happens.

14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
I could say: lounging, sleeping and dozing. But sexually: Public play, orgies and toys.

15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Not yet, anyone want to try?

16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Define romantic...

17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Define weird...

18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Several times. Intentionally several times.

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No, I find all the rules boring.

20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
I go to a bar to drink damn it.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
No, other reasons though.

22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Yep

23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Of course

24. What's your sexual preference?
I am pansexual. I prefer any combination of junk.

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
Sure thing.

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Check.

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
Well yeah.

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Seriously asking this?

29. Bought something from an adult store?
Want a damn receipt?

30. Do you own any sex toys?
Receipt, do you want one?

31. If yes, how many and what are they?
Currently just one, a nice blue dildo.

32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Yes, want some?

33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
I usually say things like "bitch" "fag" "slut" rather than names.

34. Have you ever had phone sex?
Check

35. Have you ever had cyber sex?
Not enough.

36. Do you think oral sex constitutes a form of intercourse?
Why not? If I say yes will there be some?

37. What's your favorite sexual position?
D: All of the above

38. What's your favorite sex act?
One where I get to be involved. Or watch. All of them?

39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
I like orgies...so figure it out on your own, idiot.

40. Who do you think has the guts to re-post this?
Pansies, all of you.

Yeah, that's me. I'm back.

I have seen it. I did not flinch.

Hey morons! I've been drinking straight whiskey, kraelhammerwing[at]gmail.com on aim if you want to take advantage of talking at me. Up for anything.

Well, is there?

...and have no food.
Also, bored.
No one is going to fucking read this anyway, I just wanted to complain.

God Damn Dragon...
I hauled the off the rim tire to walmart and got them to put it back on and re-inflate it for freaking free, thanks  mrmaxwell. Then I got a coat hanger and slowly rolled down the window as it was the only handle I could reach, then after letting Ezra know what was up I changed the tire.
I was pouring rain by the way...until I was done anyway.
I trudge through rain to overcome what was the dumbest combination of things outside of my co-workers. Yay.

And you never realize how far a ten minute drive is until you walk it.

So I got gas today, spent the last of the cash I had on it too, but we have food at the house and I get paid in a couple days.
Except I locked the keys in the car, with my phone, and the tire went flat,and Ezra is at work and needs a ride in a few hours...
I have a spare tire...that is flat...and I have an extra tire at the house, that is off the rim...
...yay...

That right fools Im on aim. Kraelhammerwing@gmail.com. Which is also my email. blow it up.

I personally hate religion as it is. The religious idea is one of control, don't do bad things or you will get punished, do these good things to get your eternal cookie.
I live my life based on the idea of "don't be a complete shithead because there are too many shitheads already." If I see a person needing help I don't help them motivated by how many good points I'm going to get later; I help because I understand what needing help feels like.
Now on the inverse I respect other peoples beliefs and customs with only one small request, don't try to convert me. If you are christian and wish to pray for me go right ahead. Don't ask me to join in, don't ask me to express my feelings toward your actions. You won't like what I have to say but hey, you feel better by praying for me and you believe you are helping me in some fashion so go ahead, what harm does it cause me? If you wish to lay a curse on those who have wronged me knock yourself out, I don't personally think it will work but you believe it will do some good so go for it.
On the reverse of this I do in fact believe in revenge, if someone wrongs me they deserve to have my wrath descend upon them like fire from the heavens. I do not forgive when I have been wronged and I will break you eventually. Those that know me best know not to wrong me because I have little tolerance for shitheads and sometimes doing good means breaking a few long bones in the offenders body.
In short, most religions are guides, a set of codes for us to live by, which all can be broken down to a few simple rules that everyone should follow regardless of what book you got it from. Always try to live honestly and help those who need it. Try really hard to not be a complete shithead to those around you. And try really really hard to not kill anyone, cause no one learns a lesson if they are dead.

I will have my aim up for the next hour or so, so if you want to talk to the one and only god damn dragon now's the time.
Warning: I have been drinking and I am horny.