FA+
Shop
Regarding my absence - Important, please read
General | Posted 2 years agoHello everyone,
For the last 9 months or so, I've been almost completely blind, unable to read or do basic tasks for most of that time. This is due to a procedure I underwent, a vitrectomy. Due to complications with my diabetes, I had suffered a retinal tear in my left eye, and a detached retina in my right. While my left eye is very unlikely to ever get fully better, there was a chance to save my right eye with this procedure.
I won't mention details of the procedure here, but you can look them up if you want to. The procedure is pretty gnarly, having to drain the fluid from the eye and lasering the retina and such. I've always had a phobia of eye trauma, so this was really really difficult for me, but i'm honestly proud of myself for getting through it. Also, Altered helped me out IMMENSELY through everything, he has been my rock, I would not have been able to get through this without him. Also a few of my friends have been extremely supportive, the ones I've told about the procedure thus far at least. Thank you to you all as well, I mean it.
The operation was nine months ago, and the recovery has been extremely slow, far longer than initially estimated, including a couple of small backslides. During this time, I was unable to see anything except blurry colors for the vast vast majority of that time. I only recently regained my ability to see at all in the last month or so. It's been a huge relief to be able to look at art and read text and see videos again, let me tell you.
So this is the hard part. I didn't tell most of you that this was happening back then. A large amount of the reason for this was that I was simply overwhelmed at the time. It was a huge heavy blow to be faced with possible permanent blindness, especially as an artist and somebody who spends most of his time online, not to mention the commissions that I owe still. I was weak, afraid, I didn't know if I'd regain my vision back then or not, and I didn't know how to put that to people, especially my commissioners.
I realize that I should have told people, that people would have understood given the severity, but I didn't and I am ashamed of that. It's still difficult to work up to talking to people about all this, but I am trying.
While I am still almost completely blind in my left eye, my right eye is maybe about 80%-90% to the level it was before. I wanna start the long process of making things as right as I can and getting back to drawing and posting things I love. Being without sight for so long has really made me appreciate what I had and not take it for granted.
I'm going to be working with my manager Arcaxon to get back into creating art again and communicating with you all. I fully intend to finish every commission that I still owe people, even as late as they all are. To all my mutuals, I really care about you, and I'm really sorry for the absence. I still really hope we can all talk, though it will take some doing to get back into the swing of things, I really crave having fun again and getting back to normal if possible.
If any of you are my commissioners and have questions or just want to talk about things, I fully am open to doing so. Don't hesitate to send me a note here on FA or a message on Telegram or Discord. You can also reach out to my manager Arcaxon for any reason. I'm working to respond to everybody, and I promise I will, I just might be a little slow getting started, I hope that's understandable.
You're all the best, stay changey! (there's been some freaking amazing art and stories since I've been gone <<;)
Manger -
Arcaxon
For the last 9 months or so, I've been almost completely blind, unable to read or do basic tasks for most of that time. This is due to a procedure I underwent, a vitrectomy. Due to complications with my diabetes, I had suffered a retinal tear in my left eye, and a detached retina in my right. While my left eye is very unlikely to ever get fully better, there was a chance to save my right eye with this procedure.
I won't mention details of the procedure here, but you can look them up if you want to. The procedure is pretty gnarly, having to drain the fluid from the eye and lasering the retina and such. I've always had a phobia of eye trauma, so this was really really difficult for me, but i'm honestly proud of myself for getting through it. Also, Altered helped me out IMMENSELY through everything, he has been my rock, I would not have been able to get through this without him. Also a few of my friends have been extremely supportive, the ones I've told about the procedure thus far at least. Thank you to you all as well, I mean it.
The operation was nine months ago, and the recovery has been extremely slow, far longer than initially estimated, including a couple of small backslides. During this time, I was unable to see anything except blurry colors for the vast vast majority of that time. I only recently regained my ability to see at all in the last month or so. It's been a huge relief to be able to look at art and read text and see videos again, let me tell you.
So this is the hard part. I didn't tell most of you that this was happening back then. A large amount of the reason for this was that I was simply overwhelmed at the time. It was a huge heavy blow to be faced with possible permanent blindness, especially as an artist and somebody who spends most of his time online, not to mention the commissions that I owe still. I was weak, afraid, I didn't know if I'd regain my vision back then or not, and I didn't know how to put that to people, especially my commissioners.
I realize that I should have told people, that people would have understood given the severity, but I didn't and I am ashamed of that. It's still difficult to work up to talking to people about all this, but I am trying.
While I am still almost completely blind in my left eye, my right eye is maybe about 80%-90% to the level it was before. I wanna start the long process of making things as right as I can and getting back to drawing and posting things I love. Being without sight for so long has really made me appreciate what I had and not take it for granted.
I'm going to be working with my manager Arcaxon to get back into creating art again and communicating with you all. I fully intend to finish every commission that I still owe people, even as late as they all are. To all my mutuals, I really care about you, and I'm really sorry for the absence. I still really hope we can all talk, though it will take some doing to get back into the swing of things, I really crave having fun again and getting back to normal if possible.
If any of you are my commissioners and have questions or just want to talk about things, I fully am open to doing so. Don't hesitate to send me a note here on FA or a message on Telegram or Discord. You can also reach out to my manager Arcaxon for any reason. I'm working to respond to everybody, and I promise I will, I just might be a little slow getting started, I hope that's understandable.
You're all the best, stay changey! (there's been some freaking amazing art and stories since I've been gone <<;)
Manger -
ArcaxonLooking for a manager!
General | Posted 5 years agoHey everyone, I've realized that I'm in need of a manager or helper. My commission list, backlog of messages and correspondence has become too large for me to deal with on my own.
I've recently become aware that many artists have "managers" to help with the non-art portions of this. If anyone out there, fan, friend or otherwise might be interested, this is possibly a paid position taking a percentage of any commission $$$ I make from now on.
I need help with a lot of little things, but mostly it would be helping to speak with and respond to current and future commissioners; helping me manage my queue of current projects; and keep me focused on the most important tasks at the moment. I also need assisstance with pricing; what direction I could go in to improve; and things like publicity; advertising; and Twitter activity.
If you might be able to help, please send me a message here in Furaffinty or Twitter notes, or email me at - kulbarah[at]gmail.com
If you know anyone who would be interested, I'd appreciate if you spread the word a little. Thanks!
I've recently become aware that many artists have "managers" to help with the non-art portions of this. If anyone out there, fan, friend or otherwise might be interested, this is possibly a paid position taking a percentage of any commission $$$ I make from now on.
I need help with a lot of little things, but mostly it would be helping to speak with and respond to current and future commissioners; helping me manage my queue of current projects; and keep me focused on the most important tasks at the moment. I also need assisstance with pricing; what direction I could go in to improve; and things like publicity; advertising; and Twitter activity.
If you might be able to help, please send me a message here in Furaffinty or Twitter notes, or email me at - kulbarah[at]gmail.com
If you know anyone who would be interested, I'd appreciate if you spread the word a little. Thanks!
Another blog post; The Fear of Rambling
General | Posted 5 years agoHey, I posted another blog entry. I don't know if an FA journal for every one is good or not; I plan on it being a frequent thing. Tell me if it's annoying in your feed.
The post is really rambly; I'm still trying to work through my brain kinks, and this is just the start of that process. Hopefully it can help some people who have similar struggles. There's no advice in how to deal with things (yet), but sometimes it can feel good just to know you're not the only one who thinks a certain way.
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....-rambling.html
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....-rambling.html
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....-rambling.html
The post is really rambly; I'm still trying to work through my brain kinks, and this is just the start of that process. Hopefully it can help some people who have similar struggles. There's no advice in how to deal with things (yet), but sometimes it can feel good just to know you're not the only one who thinks a certain way.
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....-rambling.html
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....-rambling.html
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....-rambling.html
Updates, I made a blog/journal to keep track of my though...
General | Posted 5 years agoHey everybody. It's been a long while.
A lot's been going on, and in order to get it all out, I made a blog over at Blogspot, which you can find here:
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....ting-this.html
I wanna keep this journal simple and short. Anyone who truly wants to know what's been going on with me can click on the link and read about it in-depth. When I wrote this I was trying to be as detailed as possible, but summarizing my mental state is very difficult and time consuming. I may likely write more blog posts in the future about things I didn't cover. But all in all, this will be a repository for all the complicated stuff in my brain.
---
For people that don't want to read that much text, (which is totally understandable btw, no shade!):
I believe I have a mental illness, or at least severe anxiety and/or trauma. This is why I've been gone so long and haven't been posting.
I'm trying to come back online and post again. I want to draw and stream again gently at first. I want to get people's commissions done. I've been gone for a long time from friends, and I want to talk to everybody again so much, without having to bombard them with novel-length explanations about everything.
I really miss you all, I'm still super TFey, and there's been some absolutely amazing TF artwork. <3
To all my extremely patient commissioners, I know it's been too long. I fully intend to finish my outstanding commissions, and I may have some difficult conversations ahead of me. But I need you all to know that I never intended things to go down this way, and I intend to make good on everything.
A lot's been going on, and in order to get it all out, I made a blog over at Blogspot, which you can find here:
https://kulbara.blogspot.com/2020/0.....ting-this.html
I wanna keep this journal simple and short. Anyone who truly wants to know what's been going on with me can click on the link and read about it in-depth. When I wrote this I was trying to be as detailed as possible, but summarizing my mental state is very difficult and time consuming. I may likely write more blog posts in the future about things I didn't cover. But all in all, this will be a repository for all the complicated stuff in my brain.
---
For people that don't want to read that much text, (which is totally understandable btw, no shade!):
I believe I have a mental illness, or at least severe anxiety and/or trauma. This is why I've been gone so long and haven't been posting.
I'm trying to come back online and post again. I want to draw and stream again gently at first. I want to get people's commissions done. I've been gone for a long time from friends, and I want to talk to everybody again so much, without having to bombard them with novel-length explanations about everything.
I really miss you all, I'm still super TFey, and there's been some absolutely amazing TF artwork. <3
To all my extremely patient commissioners, I know it's been too long. I fully intend to finish my outstanding commissions, and I may have some difficult conversations ahead of me. But I need you all to know that I never intended things to go down this way, and I intend to make good on everything.
READ THIS! Been pressured socially, starting fresh, new a...
General | Posted 5 years agoHey everyone, it's been a while.
I'm going to be posting previous artwork that I wanna show. It may not be polished or finished, but there's so many pieces on my HD that I've wanted to show so badly, that nobody's ever seen. It's a shame. I had become convinced that my art would hurt or offend people, because of either their subject matter, or social... complications. I've never meant to hurt -anybody-, and my art deserves to be shown. A lot of supportive people have been trying to tell me this, and you know who you are. I love you guys/girls.
I've tortured myself with guilt because I can't respond to every kind (or unkind) message I get, in messengers or otherwise. I've needed to realize that it's okay for me to be a little withdrawn. That doesn't mean I can't be a good artist or that I don't care about anyone. I have to accept my own limitations and stop feeling guilty that I can't be a master at balancing so many social things at once.
I need a fresh start to put my mind at ease. If you want to message me, please do! I love talking to people, especially my friends, but I can't guarantee I will respond immediately. The feeling of being on call 24/7 eats away at me, I can't handle it. I want to respond when I can, but it won't be immediate or even fast sometimes. I hope you can accept this about me. Again, I don't mean to hurt anybody.
You all have shown me so much support through commissions and donations that you deserve a better version of me. I am going to take care of business, and not let this fear interfere with my business anymore.
I'm going to be posting previous artwork that I wanna show. It may not be polished or finished, but there's so many pieces on my HD that I've wanted to show so badly, that nobody's ever seen. It's a shame. I had become convinced that my art would hurt or offend people, because of either their subject matter, or social... complications. I've never meant to hurt -anybody-, and my art deserves to be shown. A lot of supportive people have been trying to tell me this, and you know who you are. I love you guys/girls.
I've tortured myself with guilt because I can't respond to every kind (or unkind) message I get, in messengers or otherwise. I've needed to realize that it's okay for me to be a little withdrawn. That doesn't mean I can't be a good artist or that I don't care about anyone. I have to accept my own limitations and stop feeling guilty that I can't be a master at balancing so many social things at once.
I need a fresh start to put my mind at ease. If you want to message me, please do! I love talking to people, especially my friends, but I can't guarantee I will respond immediately. The feeling of being on call 24/7 eats away at me, I can't handle it. I want to respond when I can, but it won't be immediate or even fast sometimes. I hope you can accept this about me. Again, I don't mean to hurt anybody.
You all have shown me so much support through commissions and donations that you deserve a better version of me. I am going to take care of business, and not let this fear interfere with my business anymore.
Signal Boost for someone in need
General | Posted 6 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9396964/
Signal boosting for a fellow TFey person in need. Since I know how it is to be in that situation (and am in it right now, and will probably need to do the same <.>)
Signal boosting for a fellow TFey person in need. Since I know how it is to be in that situation (and am in it right now, and will probably need to do the same <.>)
Bad News, Updates, Sudden Eye Disorder, Need Your Help
General | Posted 6 years agotldr; A sudden disorder with my eyes has been very stressful and made it difficult to complete my work, concentrate, post, and socialize. I have slowly improved and am able to function, but it has proved debilitating. I'm sorry if I've been distant, that I haven't posted much, and that status updates have been rare. Altered and I are in a dire financial situation now, I need to make $900 or face eviction. If you can support in any way, (Normal, YCH, Stream, Donation, etc) please don't hesitate to contact me, it would be lifesaving right now.
---
Hello everybody. I'm sorry I've been gone, I have some bad news I need to share, but it's at least an explanation of what's been going on. My situation, and Altered's, is pretty stressful right now.
Over a month ago, something happened to my eyes. When I tried to look at anything, one eye would focus properly but the other eyeball would physically look in the opposite direction like a chameleon's, and I saw/see two different images. With a very large amount of effort, I could force both eyes to converge, but it would blur my vision completely, and they'd only keep them focused for a second. I could switch which eye focused and which eye stared off into space, but never both at the same time. This was and still is -very- disorienting and frightening. It came out of nowhere, and made it very hard to see and do my artwork.
I've since been to the eye doctor/ophtamalogist, and also had an MRI scan, and neither turned up any answers. The scan thankfully ruled out brain tumors and cancer, I was up several nights without sleep worried about that possibility. However, I'm left with my eyes like this with very little to go off of. My doctors think that perhaps one of the new medications I was prescribed, desipramine, may have caused muscle and nerve weakness in the eyes, as this can be a side effect, but they can't be sure. I'm hopeful it is this, because it would mean the eyes could heal.
I uploaded a video of myself in person to show my eyes doing their chameleon thing, I just recorded it yesterday. I apologize if it's not the highest quality, I recorded it from my crappy phone, but you can find it here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1c7IFtb4eUWMfmV7gIcsA96pmxiWlC1t6
I've been really dreading writing this journal. My eye problem has made it really slow going on my art/commissions, especially at first when I was still scared out of my mind and adjusting to the vision. Since then, I've gotten better at seeing like this, and I'm faster at art, but still a little slow.
I have been so scared of being a dissappointment. I accepted these commissions out of financial need, and built up a bit of a queue because of it. I am so, so sorry. Even though this eye thing isn't my fault as far as I know, I still feel like a complete unprofessional. I never wanted to become one of those artists that has a massive backlog and keeps people waiting. I know how exciting it is to anxiously await artwork, and how dissappointing it is to have to wait and not receive status updates or answers.
I've been practically silent on social media and messengers. A part of me kept hoping that my eyes would just get better on their own. I didn't know what to think, if I should say this situation is permanent. I was waiting for the doctor results, and when I received no answers from the tests, I didn't know what to say was the cause to people. I wanted to have art to show before I allowed myself to speak to clients -or- friends. I felt like it'd be worse to have nothing to show, and it's been too long.
That said, I -have- been drawing, I've recently uploaded the completed linework for Ben300's commission, and have sketches done for several of the other commissions. I haven't been inactive, but I've been afraid my work was/is subpar, and again because of fear, I haven't uploaded the things I -have- made progress on. I have so, so many WIP drawings, and I'm going to do a better job of sharing, of posting. I'm really anxious, I've felt so scared to post something that sucks, and I've been giving in to perfectionist tendencies. I can't keep doing this. I am -going- to post no matter what, just please bear with me and know I'm outside my comfort zone, especially with the eyes. If something is off or the quality isn't up to your or my standards, please let me know.
Because of the vision problems, and the slowness with art in the recent past, I am in a really dire situation financially. I need to make at minimum $600 before the month is up, $300 of that being late rent by the 24th, and then rent is due again by the 5th next month. So.. $900 total, or we're gonna lose the apartment, and more. The landlady/company has never been so strict before, but Adam and I received a letter in the mail two days ago stating we'd be evicted if we didn't pay by the 24th. The landlady in a phone call admitted that it's basically the company cracking down and strongarming poorer, unfortunate tenants to make room for richer ones. We have always paid our rent on time up until now and have never been a problem once. I think that's the only reason they're giving us any warning at all. The timing of all this all at once could not be worse.
Please, if anybody can help by getting commissions or any other way, Altered and I need any help we can possibly get. I fucking -hate- getting behind and practically having to beg, but I have to do this because of these eyes and my own shortcomings.
I promise I'm doing everything I can on my end. I'm working on art as fast and dilligently as I can every day, getting more and more used to seeing this way, and I will post and share. I'm applying at any jobs I can handle around here. I want to make a GoFundMe, even though I've been extremely reluctant to do so. I want to make a donation-only patreon soon. I'm going to try streaming again, though I'm scared and unsure how it will go with the eyes the way they are. (again, please bear with me). I'm going to open for more YCHs. WhiteMud, the winner of the last YCH, is going to theirs finished first of course, but I need to open for more. And if anybody can get normal commissions, I'm certainly welcoming and in need. There is a queue, but I give you my word I will work through it as fast as humanly possible, and I will stay in contact; I will not let this go on, I will not betray your trust. I know how much support people here have already given my boyfriend, Altered, and I am eternally appreciative of it. That fact isn't lost on me. Again, I feel like a piece of garbage asking for support right after you've helped him too, but thank you once again.
I'm sorry this all has to be such a bummer, such bad news. I want nothing more than to draw tons of TF and share it with you all, to talk and collab with people, and to have fun.
---
tldr; A sudden disorder with my eyes has been very stressful and made it difficult to complete my work, concentrate, post, and socialize. I have slowly improved and am able to function, but it has proved debilitating. I'm sorry if I've been distant, that I haven't posted much, and that status updates have been rare. Altered and I are in a dire financial situation now, I need to make $900 or face eviction. If you can support in any way, (Normal, YCH, Stream, Donation, etc) please don't hesitate to contact me, it would be lifesaving right now.
---
Hello everybody. I'm sorry I've been gone, I have some bad news I need to share, but it's at least an explanation of what's been going on. My situation, and Altered's, is pretty stressful right now.
Over a month ago, something happened to my eyes. When I tried to look at anything, one eye would focus properly but the other eyeball would physically look in the opposite direction like a chameleon's, and I saw/see two different images. With a very large amount of effort, I could force both eyes to converge, but it would blur my vision completely, and they'd only keep them focused for a second. I could switch which eye focused and which eye stared off into space, but never both at the same time. This was and still is -very- disorienting and frightening. It came out of nowhere, and made it very hard to see and do my artwork.
I've since been to the eye doctor/ophtamalogist, and also had an MRI scan, and neither turned up any answers. The scan thankfully ruled out brain tumors and cancer, I was up several nights without sleep worried about that possibility. However, I'm left with my eyes like this with very little to go off of. My doctors think that perhaps one of the new medications I was prescribed, desipramine, may have caused muscle and nerve weakness in the eyes, as this can be a side effect, but they can't be sure. I'm hopeful it is this, because it would mean the eyes could heal.
I uploaded a video of myself in person to show my eyes doing their chameleon thing, I just recorded it yesterday. I apologize if it's not the highest quality, I recorded it from my crappy phone, but you can find it here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1c7IFtb4eUWMfmV7gIcsA96pmxiWlC1t6
I've been really dreading writing this journal. My eye problem has made it really slow going on my art/commissions, especially at first when I was still scared out of my mind and adjusting to the vision. Since then, I've gotten better at seeing like this, and I'm faster at art, but still a little slow.
I have been so scared of being a dissappointment. I accepted these commissions out of financial need, and built up a bit of a queue because of it. I am so, so sorry. Even though this eye thing isn't my fault as far as I know, I still feel like a complete unprofessional. I never wanted to become one of those artists that has a massive backlog and keeps people waiting. I know how exciting it is to anxiously await artwork, and how dissappointing it is to have to wait and not receive status updates or answers.
I've been practically silent on social media and messengers. A part of me kept hoping that my eyes would just get better on their own. I didn't know what to think, if I should say this situation is permanent. I was waiting for the doctor results, and when I received no answers from the tests, I didn't know what to say was the cause to people. I wanted to have art to show before I allowed myself to speak to clients -or- friends. I felt like it'd be worse to have nothing to show, and it's been too long.
That said, I -have- been drawing, I've recently uploaded the completed linework for Ben300's commission, and have sketches done for several of the other commissions. I haven't been inactive, but I've been afraid my work was/is subpar, and again because of fear, I haven't uploaded the things I -have- made progress on. I have so, so many WIP drawings, and I'm going to do a better job of sharing, of posting. I'm really anxious, I've felt so scared to post something that sucks, and I've been giving in to perfectionist tendencies. I can't keep doing this. I am -going- to post no matter what, just please bear with me and know I'm outside my comfort zone, especially with the eyes. If something is off or the quality isn't up to your or my standards, please let me know.
Because of the vision problems, and the slowness with art in the recent past, I am in a really dire situation financially. I need to make at minimum $600 before the month is up, $300 of that being late rent by the 24th, and then rent is due again by the 5th next month. So.. $900 total, or we're gonna lose the apartment, and more. The landlady/company has never been so strict before, but Adam and I received a letter in the mail two days ago stating we'd be evicted if we didn't pay by the 24th. The landlady in a phone call admitted that it's basically the company cracking down and strongarming poorer, unfortunate tenants to make room for richer ones. We have always paid our rent on time up until now and have never been a problem once. I think that's the only reason they're giving us any warning at all. The timing of all this all at once could not be worse.
Please, if anybody can help by getting commissions or any other way, Altered and I need any help we can possibly get. I fucking -hate- getting behind and practically having to beg, but I have to do this because of these eyes and my own shortcomings.
I promise I'm doing everything I can on my end. I'm working on art as fast and dilligently as I can every day, getting more and more used to seeing this way, and I will post and share. I'm applying at any jobs I can handle around here. I want to make a GoFundMe, even though I've been extremely reluctant to do so. I want to make a donation-only patreon soon. I'm going to try streaming again, though I'm scared and unsure how it will go with the eyes the way they are. (again, please bear with me). I'm going to open for more YCHs. WhiteMud, the winner of the last YCH, is going to theirs finished first of course, but I need to open for more. And if anybody can get normal commissions, I'm certainly welcoming and in need. There is a queue, but I give you my word I will work through it as fast as humanly possible, and I will stay in contact; I will not let this go on, I will not betray your trust. I know how much support people here have already given my boyfriend, Altered, and I am eternally appreciative of it. That fact isn't lost on me. Again, I feel like a piece of garbage asking for support right after you've helped him too, but thank you once again.
I'm sorry this all has to be such a bummer, such bad news. I want nothing more than to draw tons of TF and share it with you all, to talk and collab with people, and to have fun.
---
tldr; A sudden disorder with my eyes has been very stressful and made it difficult to complete my work, concentrate, post, and socialize. I have slowly improved and am able to function, but it has proved debilitating. I'm sorry if I've been distant, that I haven't posted much, and that status updates have been rare. Altered and I are in a dire financial situation now, I need to make $900 or face eviction. If you can support in any way, (Normal, YCH, Stream, Donation, etc) please don't hesitate to contact me, it would be lifesaving right now.
Opening for Commissions! Current Clients please read also~
General | Posted 7 years agoHello everybody. It's been a while again since my last journal, hasn't it?
I'll try to keep this brief as I tend to ramble a lot in my past updates.
---
tldr; I'm opening for commissions! Been struggling with pain, but am feeling better. Sorry for being quiet due to pain. Fibro hurt my productivity, need to make up for lost income desperately. I'm opening for slots because of this.
---
I've been posting artwork here and there, on twitter and on FA, but for the last couple months (especially in January) I was struggling with pain and other issues. The fibromyalgia hit me hard and my medication wasn't working optimally. Thankfully, I am seeing some new doctors that should make things much better. I hopefully will have some new medicine soon. What a wimp of a dragon, eh!?
Unfortunately, these last 1-2 months have been less productive than I wanted because of said issues. I feel I am able to work optimally now, but missing out on art production has left me in a... let's say tight financial state. And not the good kind of tight. I'm willing to bet 90% of America (maybe the world) right now is struggling financially, but still, I want to make this work.
(Furthermore, to all my friends and contacts to whom I might've been a little distant, it is 100% the result of the pain recently. I still struggle with it, and I will try my absolute best to talk often, but just know that I'm not wanting to neglect you. I feel like I've said this a lot lately, but I feel awful about it, and pushing through the fibro is a work in progress for sure.)
But yes, commissions! While I do have my current queue, I'm going to be opening for new slots, because frankly? I'm going to need the money to pay my bills, due to the pain knocking my productivity in Jan/Feb. I am working as hard as I can to complete the current workload. So to my current commissioners, I -promise- I am not ignoring you by accepting new slots. This is something I do out of neccessity.
At minimum, I need to make $550 this month, and a large portion of that by the 15th. That said, making more is definitely a priority.
This isn't a bad thing for you all! Expect to see lots of art being posted, because I literally need to, haha. Anybody who wanted a commission, now's definitely a good time to snag a slot. I also am considering streaming my work, it usually helps me stay focused, and sketch streams could help pay the bills. It's been difficult to stream sometimes with the fibro, so we'll see.
To get a commission, just note me on FA or leave a comment here. You can find my commission prices here: http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/kulbara I'll be posting my current 3-slot queue on my journals and profile, and you can always check my Trello for the full list.
Side Note: I really appreciate all of your support, and I hope you can all be understanding of how things have been for Adam and I. Things aren't terrible, and there are honestly much worse diseases than fibromyalgia. However, fibro has definitely made things difficult. It's not just the pain either; there's an aspect to the disease called "fibro-fog" (god I hate that name), where one's thoughts can be very muddled and, well, foggy. Adam/Altered can definitely attest to it affecting me when there's a flare-up. I encourage anybody that's interested to look up Fibromyalgia's symptoms. I plan on making more journals about this.
Anyways, I hope you all are hanging in there and having a great day, I hope to talk to you all soon. I'm gonna get back to less-serious things and try to draw till my arm hurts, haha.
I'll try to keep this brief as I tend to ramble a lot in my past updates.
---
tldr; I'm opening for commissions! Been struggling with pain, but am feeling better. Sorry for being quiet due to pain. Fibro hurt my productivity, need to make up for lost income desperately. I'm opening for slots because of this.
---
I've been posting artwork here and there, on twitter and on FA, but for the last couple months (especially in January) I was struggling with pain and other issues. The fibromyalgia hit me hard and my medication wasn't working optimally. Thankfully, I am seeing some new doctors that should make things much better. I hopefully will have some new medicine soon. What a wimp of a dragon, eh!?
Unfortunately, these last 1-2 months have been less productive than I wanted because of said issues. I feel I am able to work optimally now, but missing out on art production has left me in a... let's say tight financial state. And not the good kind of tight. I'm willing to bet 90% of America (maybe the world) right now is struggling financially, but still, I want to make this work.
(Furthermore, to all my friends and contacts to whom I might've been a little distant, it is 100% the result of the pain recently. I still struggle with it, and I will try my absolute best to talk often, but just know that I'm not wanting to neglect you. I feel like I've said this a lot lately, but I feel awful about it, and pushing through the fibro is a work in progress for sure.)
But yes, commissions! While I do have my current queue, I'm going to be opening for new slots, because frankly? I'm going to need the money to pay my bills, due to the pain knocking my productivity in Jan/Feb. I am working as hard as I can to complete the current workload. So to my current commissioners, I -promise- I am not ignoring you by accepting new slots. This is something I do out of neccessity.
At minimum, I need to make $550 this month, and a large portion of that by the 15th. That said, making more is definitely a priority.
This isn't a bad thing for you all! Expect to see lots of art being posted, because I literally need to, haha. Anybody who wanted a commission, now's definitely a good time to snag a slot. I also am considering streaming my work, it usually helps me stay focused, and sketch streams could help pay the bills. It's been difficult to stream sometimes with the fibro, so we'll see.
To get a commission, just note me on FA or leave a comment here. You can find my commission prices here: http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/kulbara I'll be posting my current 3-slot queue on my journals and profile, and you can always check my Trello for the full list.
Side Note: I really appreciate all of your support, and I hope you can all be understanding of how things have been for Adam and I. Things aren't terrible, and there are honestly much worse diseases than fibromyalgia. However, fibro has definitely made things difficult. It's not just the pain either; there's an aspect to the disease called "fibro-fog" (god I hate that name), where one's thoughts can be very muddled and, well, foggy. Adam/Altered can definitely attest to it affecting me when there's a flare-up. I encourage anybody that's interested to look up Fibromyalgia's symptoms. I plan on making more journals about this.
Anyways, I hope you all are hanging in there and having a great day, I hope to talk to you all soon. I'm gonna get back to less-serious things and try to draw till my arm hurts, haha.
Status Report- Opening for YCH soon and got a good diagnosis
General | Posted 7 years ago---
TL;DR; MAIN POINTS HERE:
I've been gone a few weeks because of medication issues. Everything is better now. Got a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, but it's not a terrible one because it's treatable.
Opening for YCH and other commissions soon.
---
Hello all! It's been a while since my last journal/update, and since my last post even. There's been a ton of great uploads here recently, I miss being part of the mix.
A major reason I've been gone was that for a couple weeks, I was completely out of my pain relief medication. I think the most clean way I can say it, is that it was taken from me. Those weeks I was going through withdrawl and it seriously weren't great, I couldn't get any work done and talking to folks was almost out of the question. I had to wait to refill the prescription, as this medication is a controlled substance, so my doctor and the pharmacy absolutely could not refill it early for any reason.
Things are back to normal now however, I got the refill finally, and am really itching to draw and post once more! There's some other news though. The reason I've had pain in the first place has kinda been a mystery for a while, it's been a general all-over achiness and surging that's really intense, and it tends to flare up worse at certain times than others. I never had a diagnosis until now, and the medication was mostly a band-aid.
My doctor just recently told me she thinks I have fibromyalgia. This isn't as bad as I thought it was, it's certainly treatable but not curable. It is a strange diagnosis however, as 90% of fibro sufferers are female. I guess I won the lottery, haha. Still though, it explains my symptoms perfectly. If there's anybody that has fibro, I would really love to talk to them about what you've been through, how you deal with it, treatments, etc. I have a few treatments I've tried already and they've worked alright, but still looking for more info, both for the pain and for the difficulty in thinking that fibro causes.
In happier news, since I feel well enough to draw again, I am gonna open for both a YCH commission either tonight or tomorrow, and I wanna do stream sketch commissions again soon. I'll let everybody know if/when I stream, and look for the YCH post soon if you wanna get in on it. Any commissions would be greatly appreciated right now, as because I missed out on those weeks of drawing time, I missed out on that income as well.
One last thing. I admit that I have almost hundreds of sketches and even finished drawings that I've not uploaded on FA, or anywhere. I'm often really nervous to upload them, not because I'm shy about my work or the content I draw (though in the past I certainly was), but just.. moreso for stupid reasons. A lot of what I draw is draconic TF, or self-TF, oftentimes both. A lot of what I have on my HD is unfinished or sketchy. Does self-TF or drawing the same species of TF annoy people? I honestly think a lot of people would say "of course not", but I've also read comments and such that self-tf is offputting. Any feedback would be appreciated.
TL;DR; MAIN POINTS HERE:
I've been gone a few weeks because of medication issues. Everything is better now. Got a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, but it's not a terrible one because it's treatable.
Opening for YCH and other commissions soon.
---
Hello all! It's been a while since my last journal/update, and since my last post even. There's been a ton of great uploads here recently, I miss being part of the mix.
A major reason I've been gone was that for a couple weeks, I was completely out of my pain relief medication. I think the most clean way I can say it, is that it was taken from me. Those weeks I was going through withdrawl and it seriously weren't great, I couldn't get any work done and talking to folks was almost out of the question. I had to wait to refill the prescription, as this medication is a controlled substance, so my doctor and the pharmacy absolutely could not refill it early for any reason.
Things are back to normal now however, I got the refill finally, and am really itching to draw and post once more! There's some other news though. The reason I've had pain in the first place has kinda been a mystery for a while, it's been a general all-over achiness and surging that's really intense, and it tends to flare up worse at certain times than others. I never had a diagnosis until now, and the medication was mostly a band-aid.
My doctor just recently told me she thinks I have fibromyalgia. This isn't as bad as I thought it was, it's certainly treatable but not curable. It is a strange diagnosis however, as 90% of fibro sufferers are female. I guess I won the lottery, haha. Still though, it explains my symptoms perfectly. If there's anybody that has fibro, I would really love to talk to them about what you've been through, how you deal with it, treatments, etc. I have a few treatments I've tried already and they've worked alright, but still looking for more info, both for the pain and for the difficulty in thinking that fibro causes.
In happier news, since I feel well enough to draw again, I am gonna open for both a YCH commission either tonight or tomorrow, and I wanna do stream sketch commissions again soon. I'll let everybody know if/when I stream, and look for the YCH post soon if you wanna get in on it. Any commissions would be greatly appreciated right now, as because I missed out on those weeks of drawing time, I missed out on that income as well.
One last thing. I admit that I have almost hundreds of sketches and even finished drawings that I've not uploaded on FA, or anywhere. I'm often really nervous to upload them, not because I'm shy about my work or the content I draw (though in the past I certainly was), but just.. moreso for stupid reasons. A lot of what I draw is draconic TF, or self-TF, oftentimes both. A lot of what I have on my HD is unfinished or sketchy. Does self-TF or drawing the same species of TF annoy people? I honestly think a lot of people would say "of course not", but I've also read comments and such that self-tf is offputting. Any feedback would be appreciated.
-Finally- back home
General | Posted 7 years agoSo I've been really pulled away almost the entire month of July by random stuff. Just this last week I was gone up north with family on an obligatory trip, and while I'm happy to have gone and enjoyed the beauty up there and caught up with relatives, I am so freaking happy to be back. Even before that, I feel like I had been running constant errands and spending more time away than at home being able to work on art.
This is just a short journal to tell you all that I'm back, gonna be resuming streaming and drawing for folks and just generally talking. There's no more huge time-consuming trips or massive errands to be run. The only thing that's happening in August is the Wisconsin State Fair, which I'm hoping to go to with Zangy and Grah. Or anybody else that might be interested. Zang and I are also interested in possible having Splyced and YenaHyena over for a while, but that doesn't count, because if anything there'd be -more- insane tfey art than normal : )
So yeah, really looking forward to things! I'm gonna take this Saturday to rest and be lazy, and after that draw like crazy.
This is just a short journal to tell you all that I'm back, gonna be resuming streaming and drawing for folks and just generally talking. There's no more huge time-consuming trips or massive errands to be run. The only thing that's happening in August is the Wisconsin State Fair, which I'm hoping to go to with Zangy and Grah. Or anybody else that might be interested. Zang and I are also interested in possible having Splyced and YenaHyena over for a while, but that doesn't count, because if anything there'd be -more- insane tfey art than normal : )
So yeah, really looking forward to things! I'm gonna take this Saturday to rest and be lazy, and after that draw like crazy.
Hello again! Opening Stream Commissions
General | Posted 7 years agotl;dr: Stuff happened, I was a lump, I want to un-lump and do the things and talk. New apartment with boyfriend, is good, money is tight. Want to finish old commissions. Opening stream TF commissions because really need money atm, get them and I can draw you changing into awesome things awesomely. <3
Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I posted here, I miss people quite a lot. A year and a half ago some unfortunate things happened in life that got me down, and I've had a hard time feeling good about socializing or drawing between then and now. I did try at many points, but it was still tough and I kinda fell off totally at about Autumn last year. I started focusing on life stuff and my relationship with Zangy/Altered, but in reality I was really moreso procrastinating and avoiding dealing with uncomfortable thoughts.
I make it sound all bad, but some really amazingly great things happened in this time as well! As mentioned my relationship with Zang really solidified, and we just a month ago got our own apartment together, and we're really enjoying it! I think we got quite lucky to find a place as nice as this for the price (right on the beach of Lake Michigan!), and things have been going a lot better lately. I've sloowly started getting back into drawing, and he's been steady with his art as well. I'm really glad he and I have had this time together, but I also really want to get back in touch with all of you, and post again. There are a -ton- of people that mean so much to me, and if you feel like I've been ignoring you, I'm sorry. I've not been intentionally avoiding anybody, you've done nothing wrong, and I want to start talking again. I'll do my best to reach out, and please don't hesitate to message me on Telegram or Discord, or even on notes through FA. I will respond this time.
To anybody that has had commissions with me, I believe the vast majority of them were set up so that I'd draw first, then accept payment afterwards. I shouldn't then have anybody's money, but I'm still very much wanting to complete these commissions, however late, if both parties are still interested. There is one commission that I know I -did- accept money for, and that is from 0plm. I've tried to message on a few occassions, but haen't been able to reach you, so if you read these please drop me a line. I'll try and contact you some more as well.
Speaking of commissions, I'd like to immediately open for some livestream/picarto commissions. Altered and I are making enough money so that soon we -should- be able to start saving. The first month of renting has been a little tight financially however, because of having to make the security deposit and moving expenses. I've also really wanted to do livestream commissions, but have been a little afraid to do so. Extra income would be very welcome right now to make ends meet.
I'd like to open for $15 stream sketches and a few YCH sketches. The subject matter is TF, NSFW or SFW, though I can draw other things if I like the idea enough; I would hope that it'd remain focused on TF, and I reserve the right to draw only what I'm comfortable with. This will be my first time doing on-the-spot streaming commissions like this, though I have streamed art before. I'm offering these for a low price now and will probably set my prices higher at a later date once I've streamed consistently and gotten caught up on things. If anybody would be interested in this, please comment here and/or join my stream soon; I'll post a streaming notification, and make every other attempt to let people know when I'll stream.
Lastly, again, I really miss people you all a ton, you know who you are, and I apologize for not talking in so long. Let's get in touch soon!
What do you all wanna see me post more of?
General | Posted 9 years agoWhat do you all want to seem me post more of?
What subject matter? Species? Character? No guarantees of anything from this, but I'm genuinely curious! : )
What subject matter? Species? Character? No guarantees of anything from this, but I'm genuinely curious! : )
Do stabilizers in art programs teach bad habits? Need Advice
General | Posted 10 years agoHello! It's been a while since I've posted much or have written a journal, so apologies for that.
I'm trying to draw more and get back into things after the holidays. I've been trying to learn a new drawing program (ClipStudio/MangaStudio Pro) and also trying to learn to use a SurfacePro 3, where I had been using an Intuos Pen and Touch beforehand.
My hands are often shaky feeling and I must redo inking lines over and over. This take for freaking ever and I hate it. I want to go faster. The stabilizer in such programs makes things much easier for me, but at the same time, I feel like I"m teaching myself bad things by using it. Both in SAI and in CSP. My thoughts on this include:
1) Traditional artists don't have the luxury of a stabilizer, so if I ever try drawing traditionally (again), I worry I'd be so trained to use the stabilizer that I'd be a real hard time.
2) I worry using a stabilizer makes me take too long on my lines, being far too meticulous. Since my goal is to be more loose and free with my work, is this moving in the wrong direction?
3) I'm not even sure that such stabilized lines look better or worse than non-stabilized lines. I've many times spent hours redrawing the same few lines, alternating turning the stabilizer on, not being sure which looks better. This leads to me feeling stuck at that point in the drawing and feeling very demotivated to continue.
4) I've seen other artsts draw incredibly smooth, precise lines without stabilizer, and it puzzles me. I want to learn how to do that, but at the same time I'm not sure how. I've practiced a TON on inking/lining, so more practice is indeed an answer, but I can't help but feel that maybe I'm missing a method or something. Perhaps drawing at too low a resolution, or maybe I need to be zoomed in more/less while lining. Different brush settings, who knows.
5) Probably a lot of other things i can't think of atm.
---
If you've read all that and are willing to offer an opinion/advice, thank you. This is something that's really bugging me lately, and h as been a real killer for my motivation. It's hard to feel excited to draw when I feel like I am possibly using a crutch to draw that will hurt me in the end, yet drawing really unconfidently while not using it.
I'm trying to draw more and get back into things after the holidays. I've been trying to learn a new drawing program (ClipStudio/MangaStudio Pro) and also trying to learn to use a SurfacePro 3, where I had been using an Intuos Pen and Touch beforehand.
My hands are often shaky feeling and I must redo inking lines over and over. This take for freaking ever and I hate it. I want to go faster. The stabilizer in such programs makes things much easier for me, but at the same time, I feel like I"m teaching myself bad things by using it. Both in SAI and in CSP. My thoughts on this include:
1) Traditional artists don't have the luxury of a stabilizer, so if I ever try drawing traditionally (again), I worry I'd be so trained to use the stabilizer that I'd be a real hard time.
2) I worry using a stabilizer makes me take too long on my lines, being far too meticulous. Since my goal is to be more loose and free with my work, is this moving in the wrong direction?
3) I'm not even sure that such stabilized lines look better or worse than non-stabilized lines. I've many times spent hours redrawing the same few lines, alternating turning the stabilizer on, not being sure which looks better. This leads to me feeling stuck at that point in the drawing and feeling very demotivated to continue.
4) I've seen other artsts draw incredibly smooth, precise lines without stabilizer, and it puzzles me. I want to learn how to do that, but at the same time I'm not sure how. I've practiced a TON on inking/lining, so more practice is indeed an answer, but I can't help but feel that maybe I'm missing a method or something. Perhaps drawing at too low a resolution, or maybe I need to be zoomed in more/less while lining. Different brush settings, who knows.
5) Probably a lot of other things i can't think of atm.
---
If you've read all that and are willing to offer an opinion/advice, thank you. This is something that's really bugging me lately, and h as been a real killer for my motivation. It's hard to feel excited to draw when I feel like I am possibly using a crutch to draw that will hurt me in the end, yet drawing really unconfidently while not using it.
To Those Who Have Commissioned Me!
General | Posted 10 years agoSo about a month or so ago my hard drive fried. I think I may have made a mention about that at some point to some of you!
But along with that went the list of those who have commissioned me, which was probably the least fun and most stressful thing about the whole ordeal for me, never mind any progress on pictures I thought I may have lost. (Thank you for those who helped me retrieve pictures by the way!) Will be backing up the list and pictures in multiple places from now on.
In any case I need your help in finding who exactly commissioned me.
The notes on FA still aren't a very good sorting tool, and I fear a lot of them have either been lost to the wind or buried somewhere in a deep mess. I've tried to find as many as I can, but I really want to make sure: tell me, everyone, who has commissioned me! It would be very helpful, thank you once again!
But along with that went the list of those who have commissioned me, which was probably the least fun and most stressful thing about the whole ordeal for me, never mind any progress on pictures I thought I may have lost. (Thank you for those who helped me retrieve pictures by the way!) Will be backing up the list and pictures in multiple places from now on.
In any case I need your help in finding who exactly commissioned me.
The notes on FA still aren't a very good sorting tool, and I fear a lot of them have either been lost to the wind or buried somewhere in a deep mess. I've tried to find as many as I can, but I really want to make sure: tell me, everyone, who has commissioned me! It would be very helpful, thank you once again!
Commission Update
General | Posted 10 years agoOpen for commissions still, just added some info and cleaned up the list/information, so that I can link to this journal for when I need to show folks!
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
---
Price:
Single Images:
$10 - Headshot Sketch / Icon
$20 - Full Body Sketch
$35 - Inked
+$10 - Flats
+$25- Shading and Details
$10-$30 per additional character, depending on detail/complexity.
Comics and Sequences:
$50 - Comic Sketch Page
$80 - Comic Inked Page
$100 - Comic Flats Page
$120 - Comic Full Details Page
Sequences are special, I need to discuss the details with you if you want one as content can vary greatly. In general however, headshot tf sequences are fairly quick for me to do and I offer a discount on them.
Quality:
Sketches: Cleaned/Refined. Not chickenscratch sketchings, but not as clean as inks.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17553283/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11764705/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5686698/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14118469/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13034008/
Inks: Very clean and crisp, comic-style lining
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/6645368/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15533218/ (nsfw)
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/12860430/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13006485/
Flats: Flat colored images, either sketches or inks as a base
Shading and Details: Soft or cell shading, lighting, intricate textures, complex effects, etc...
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13034069/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13867324/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17285208/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16225835/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16952172/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15883610/ (nsfw)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15854212/ (nsfw)
Quantity:
Always accepting more commissions, though it'd be safe to say I'll be working on 3 at a time, generally, as a priority list.
Amount of pages, if it is a sequence or comic, is negotiable.
Subject:
-Dragons c:
-Transformation
-Macro
-Latex
-Bondage
-General Furry Art
-Adult Adult Art
-Fursonas/Characters
-Icons/Badges
-Dragons c:
-Any of the 'mons (Pokemon, Digimon, etc...)
-Fanart (To a point, may need to discuss)
-Anything with paws, a tail, and a muzzle really
-Did I mention transformation?
-If it's something else, we'll have to discuss, but I'm generally open!
I will draw tame and/or mature subject matter, but I reserve the right to choose what I want to draw. I need to stay motivated and excited to draw these things, at least for the time being.
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
New PayPal change, please read
General | Posted 10 years agohttp://petapixel.com/2015/09/01/pay.....fore-its-gone/
If you're a content creator here or anywhere and you use Paypal, make sure to give this a read and claim your Paypal.me link before somebody else besides you does!
If you're a content creator here or anywhere and you use Paypal, make sure to give this a read and claim your Paypal.me link before somebody else besides you does!
So I have dental implants now. Also, going to AC!
General | Posted 10 years agoA lot has been going on lately, and even more is going to happen soon! It's been busy times!
I had my remaining teeth pulled somewhat recently and had two screws implanted into my jaw. I didn't lose my teeth due to poor hygiene or genetics, I'll say that much. The process wasn't fun at all, apparently I'm really resistant to the numbing shots that dentists give, so he had to pump me full of that freezing stuff, and the shots weren't working in several locations. The pullings and implant procedure were done on separate days, and each time most of the pain came from the "unfreezing" period after the actual procedure. There was a lot of bleeding too, I think that might've been the worst part of it, along with the stitches being dreadfully irritating. Otherwise I was surprised at how bearable the operations were, even while awake, as I've not been the biggest fan of dentists in my life. It's been tough only having teeth on my upper jaw for a month, but I'm finally getting a denture mounted to the implants in what should be less than 2 weeks. :) I'm really excited to finally get my "dragon teeth", as I like to joke with Grah :P
This is doubly good because it'll be in time for AnthroCon in about 2 weeks! Yep, I'm going, along with
, 
, 
, and 
! (along with a few other folks that I've not met yet in the hotel proper.) I'm really excited, it's my first real convention, and I'm looking forward to meeting a lot of folks and seeing what all the fuss is about! :) Yes, there will be tf/other art, probably way too much of it, and I hope to meet you all there! :3
Speaking of art, maybe AC is a shot in the arm that I need, because I feel like I've really lost my touch with drawing lately. I'm gonna make another journal about that soon in more detail, since this is about the dentures/implants and don't wanna make a cluttered journal. But yeah.. I'm really sorry that I haven't uploaded anything in a long long time, and that I'm never consistent. It's really killing me inside, especially when I wanted to post consistently so badly at the beginning of the year, and even before. I hope I can fix this soon.
Other than that, the computer is still running well enough after ransomware escapades. Grah's ankle has really been bothering him, and it's been a lot of going to and fro tons of appointments and things, but I really don't mind, I'm happy to help. I really hope he can feel better though, this has been bothering him for quite a while, and normally we'd be walking all over the place in the forests around here. Much to the dismay of the locals, I'm sure. ^^
Trying to make more journals, was thinking about doing an AMA, and definitely wanna post more. It's tough, I feel like I'm even fearful to post art or journals, really trying to get over that. Same goes for replying to comments or shouts, if I haven't responded, I promise I'm not ignoring you, I've just really been in a weird place in my life. Not all bad, but yeah. For my commissioners, sorry it's been taking so long, and thank you to those that have contacted me about what I owe, it's really truly a help.
Hope you all squelch and stretch and mutate into amazing beasties. :)
I had my remaining teeth pulled somewhat recently and had two screws implanted into my jaw. I didn't lose my teeth due to poor hygiene or genetics, I'll say that much. The process wasn't fun at all, apparently I'm really resistant to the numbing shots that dentists give, so he had to pump me full of that freezing stuff, and the shots weren't working in several locations. The pullings and implant procedure were done on separate days, and each time most of the pain came from the "unfreezing" period after the actual procedure. There was a lot of bleeding too, I think that might've been the worst part of it, along with the stitches being dreadfully irritating. Otherwise I was surprised at how bearable the operations were, even while awake, as I've not been the biggest fan of dentists in my life. It's been tough only having teeth on my upper jaw for a month, but I'm finally getting a denture mounted to the implants in what should be less than 2 weeks. :) I'm really excited to finally get my "dragon teeth", as I like to joke with Grah :P
This is doubly good because it'll be in time for AnthroCon in about 2 weeks! Yep, I'm going, along with
, 
, 
, and 
! (along with a few other folks that I've not met yet in the hotel proper.) I'm really excited, it's my first real convention, and I'm looking forward to meeting a lot of folks and seeing what all the fuss is about! :) Yes, there will be tf/other art, probably way too much of it, and I hope to meet you all there! :3Speaking of art, maybe AC is a shot in the arm that I need, because I feel like I've really lost my touch with drawing lately. I'm gonna make another journal about that soon in more detail, since this is about the dentures/implants and don't wanna make a cluttered journal. But yeah.. I'm really sorry that I haven't uploaded anything in a long long time, and that I'm never consistent. It's really killing me inside, especially when I wanted to post consistently so badly at the beginning of the year, and even before. I hope I can fix this soon.
Other than that, the computer is still running well enough after ransomware escapades. Grah's ankle has really been bothering him, and it's been a lot of going to and fro tons of appointments and things, but I really don't mind, I'm happy to help. I really hope he can feel better though, this has been bothering him for quite a while, and normally we'd be walking all over the place in the forests around here. Much to the dismay of the locals, I'm sure. ^^
Trying to make more journals, was thinking about doing an AMA, and definitely wanna post more. It's tough, I feel like I'm even fearful to post art or journals, really trying to get over that. Same goes for replying to comments or shouts, if I haven't responded, I promise I'm not ignoring you, I've just really been in a weird place in my life. Not all bad, but yeah. For my commissioners, sorry it's been taking so long, and thank you to those that have contacted me about what I owe, it's really truly a help.
Hope you all squelch and stretch and mutate into amazing beasties. :)
Computer infected and reset - Please resend commission info
General | Posted 10 years agoTLDR - If you've commissioned me please send me your info again, as all my data has been lost!
So my computer was severely infected with ransomware.
For those that don't know, ransomware is an evil little trojan/malware that corrupts and encrypts every file possible on one's computer with an encryption key, and then puts about 4-5 links to a webpage in every single folder. This webpage demands payment of $500 in order to obtain the key and the ability to retrieve one's files. There is absolutely no way to recover anything without said key.
Beyond that, this virus (or a combination of it and others) was making my computer run absolutely terribly and unusably. I had to do a factory reset, erasing everything on my hard disk, and I lost a lot of stuff.
http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/vir.....re-information
(for those of you interested further)
I didn't lose everything though. I have an external hard drive where I have a lot of my older art backed up. I did have all my current art (a lot) saved on my C drive, and I would've lost it all if I didn't work in SAI predominantly. Thankfully, the ransomware couldn't parse out how to "infect" my SAI files, so those are intact completely, as I threw my art files onto my external drive before resetting. All my png, jpg, and photoshop files are corrupt however, as well as -everything- else.
I've no idea how this thing got on my computer, I'm extremely paranoid and I was running tons of malware/spyware/virus protection, I run noscript on firefox, I don't open emails... ever, and I don't browse shady sites. My guess is I opened an exe that I simply thought was safe, and that was the end.
On the plus side, it's really nice to have a fast-as-new computer again, and maybe what feels like a fresh start.
But yeah.. I've been a bit down and lost about a lot of things. I'd like to say that it was only because of the loss, but it's not true. Before this incident, I went on a trip with Grah to his hometown. While we had fun at times, and it was definitely a pleasant trip which I enjoyed being on with him greatly, the occassion was incredibly sad. Long story short, one of his family members is dying of cancer. Hard times.
Before that even, I've just been kind of lost about a lot of things. I wanted so badly to post art consistently here, and work on commissions. I wanted to talk to folks more, ever since New Year's, I made those resolutions in my journal to do just that. I wanted to make more journals explaining things, wanted to post to twitter, wanted to ALL the things. A lot of regrets.
I don't want to whine too much though. I want to make things right, but I may need some help.
First off, I did lose my commission list text file thingy, so I'm in the dark as to what I owe people, besides a vague idea. Please, if I owe you anything, or if I haven't been responsive in notes or -anything- like that, contact me again. I haven't been ignoring you or anything.
Second, I do want to make draws and post them, extremely much, but I've been so out of it. I don't know what I'm even asking here, I guess for understanding and help getting out of this. I'm loathe to promise that I'll make more journals, because look what happened last time I did that, but.. I really do want to. I'll try. Again, if I've been silent to anybody, I'm really sorry. It's not you.
Last, ransomware sucks. I hate it because it's so effective. Always back your shit up, in multiple places.
TLDR - If you've commissioned me please send me your info again, as all my data has been lost!
So my computer was severely infected with ransomware.
For those that don't know, ransomware is an evil little trojan/malware that corrupts and encrypts every file possible on one's computer with an encryption key, and then puts about 4-5 links to a webpage in every single folder. This webpage demands payment of $500 in order to obtain the key and the ability to retrieve one's files. There is absolutely no way to recover anything without said key.
Beyond that, this virus (or a combination of it and others) was making my computer run absolutely terribly and unusably. I had to do a factory reset, erasing everything on my hard disk, and I lost a lot of stuff.
http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/vir.....re-information
(for those of you interested further)
I didn't lose everything though. I have an external hard drive where I have a lot of my older art backed up. I did have all my current art (a lot) saved on my C drive, and I would've lost it all if I didn't work in SAI predominantly. Thankfully, the ransomware couldn't parse out how to "infect" my SAI files, so those are intact completely, as I threw my art files onto my external drive before resetting. All my png, jpg, and photoshop files are corrupt however, as well as -everything- else.
I've no idea how this thing got on my computer, I'm extremely paranoid and I was running tons of malware/spyware/virus protection, I run noscript on firefox, I don't open emails... ever, and I don't browse shady sites. My guess is I opened an exe that I simply thought was safe, and that was the end.
On the plus side, it's really nice to have a fast-as-new computer again, and maybe what feels like a fresh start.
But yeah.. I've been a bit down and lost about a lot of things. I'd like to say that it was only because of the loss, but it's not true. Before this incident, I went on a trip with Grah to his hometown. While we had fun at times, and it was definitely a pleasant trip which I enjoyed being on with him greatly, the occassion was incredibly sad. Long story short, one of his family members is dying of cancer. Hard times.
Before that even, I've just been kind of lost about a lot of things. I wanted so badly to post art consistently here, and work on commissions. I wanted to talk to folks more, ever since New Year's, I made those resolutions in my journal to do just that. I wanted to make more journals explaining things, wanted to post to twitter, wanted to ALL the things. A lot of regrets.
I don't want to whine too much though. I want to make things right, but I may need some help.
First off, I did lose my commission list text file thingy, so I'm in the dark as to what I owe people, besides a vague idea. Please, if I owe you anything, or if I haven't been responsive in notes or -anything- like that, contact me again. I haven't been ignoring you or anything.
Second, I do want to make draws and post them, extremely much, but I've been so out of it. I don't know what I'm even asking here, I guess for understanding and help getting out of this. I'm loathe to promise that I'll make more journals, because look what happened last time I did that, but.. I really do want to. I'll try. Again, if I've been silent to anybody, I'm really sorry. It's not you.
Last, ransomware sucks. I hate it because it's so effective. Always back your shit up, in multiple places.
TLDR - If you've commissioned me please send me your info again, as all my data has been lost!
What are your resolutions?
General | Posted 11 years agoIt's perhaps cliche, but this is the time for making resolutions for the New Year. I've got a few of my own, the most relevant one at the moment is that I want to post more journals on FA and just stay more consistently in contact, as I said in the previous journal. I want to ask more questions and be more vocal about what's on my mind to people, and I want to make communicating on Skype and FA feel less like a worrisome chore, and more a rewarding habit to look forward to. Don't take that to mean offense towards anybody, don't read that to mean I don't want to talk to anybody in particular. I actually feel really fortunate I've not had many/any problems with folks online, as most everybody has been great. It's more-so that I've always had issues prioritizing things in my mind, as I would find myself feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of having to respond to a million people at once and fearing that I'd leave somebody out, post on forums/galleries consistently, etc... The fear of this is almost always worse than how it is in reality~ I'm improving, I'm not forgetting things as much anymore, so I'm at least happy for that! :)
Other resolutions of mine include finishing these commissions, helping my entire family (including the fishy Grah mate) eat and exercise more healthily, learning to be lucid in dreams and have good control and vividness in those dreams consistently, (and by extension assuming less human DNA and shapes, in a lucid dream or not), furthering my abilities in programming, and cooking something out of a cookbook 1-2 times a week, instead of feasting upon delicious ramen noodles without restraint ;; Damn you ramen, you are so cheap and tasty...
Oh, and more art is coming, like I said in the previous journal! The holidays are finally over, and while I enjoyed them a ton, I'm happy that things won't be so busy and distracting ^^; So my goal is to get to posting something every other day and not having that be overwhelming. That's the goal anyways, dunno if that's too lofty or unrealistic, or even perhaps too easy! I've seen some artists pump out multiple amazing drawings a day, so who knows?
But yes, to the main point and question of the journal: What are your resolutions for 2015?
Other resolutions of mine include finishing these commissions, helping my entire family (including the fishy Grah mate) eat and exercise more healthily, learning to be lucid in dreams and have good control and vividness in those dreams consistently, (and by extension assuming less human DNA and shapes, in a lucid dream or not), furthering my abilities in programming, and cooking something out of a cookbook 1-2 times a week, instead of feasting upon delicious ramen noodles without restraint ;; Damn you ramen, you are so cheap and tasty...
Oh, and more art is coming, like I said in the previous journal! The holidays are finally over, and while I enjoyed them a ton, I'm happy that things won't be so busy and distracting ^^; So my goal is to get to posting something every other day and not having that be overwhelming. That's the goal anyways, dunno if that's too lofty or unrealistic, or even perhaps too easy! I've seen some artists pump out multiple amazing drawings a day, so who knows?
But yes, to the main point and question of the journal: What are your resolutions for 2015?
Resuming uploads and commissions!
General | Posted 11 years agoAs per the title, I'm going to start uploading Ancient Archives stuff once again, as well as commissions and just generally being online. I'm aiming to upload daily, or at least every other day. (Side note: Kuro showed me a really neat thing called Trello, which will hopefully make organization and consistency more doable! Find it here: https://trello.com/ It's free.)
This Christmas-time has been both really amazing, and incredibly busy and time-consuming. I'm not complaining, quite the contrary. I'm quite happy these days! I only want to let folks know that I'm not dead. If I've been very quiet on skype or in general, I really do apologize. I promise I'm still interested in talking to you, and I've been thinking of everybody lots, even if I haven't been around all that much lately to show it, and I will poke people soon; you know who you are ^^
I know it's cliche, but the New Year seems like a really good time to start anew :) I hope you all had a good Chrimbus! I know the Grah-fish and I had areally nice time, from the cookies to the drawings to the good food! (turkey ;.=.;)
Oh yeah, one last thing: I got a new tablet, an Intuos!... Twice! I must be the luckiest dergon ever! My parents were kind enough to get me one (which I'm honestly surprised they got the right kind, not saying they're dumb, but let's just say technology isn't their stength), and then Grah also got me one without knowing they did >3 Grah, you're really awesome to have thought of me so much, and I really appreciate it :3 It's exactly what I needed, as my old tablet was getting very worn out, and also it's -tiny- compared to the new one. Many fish-hugs <3
So yeah, there'll be more art soon from a new tablet! It will take some getting used to, but I'm excited!
This Christmas-time has been both really amazing, and incredibly busy and time-consuming. I'm not complaining, quite the contrary. I'm quite happy these days! I only want to let folks know that I'm not dead. If I've been very quiet on skype or in general, I really do apologize. I promise I'm still interested in talking to you, and I've been thinking of everybody lots, even if I haven't been around all that much lately to show it, and I will poke people soon; you know who you are ^^
I know it's cliche, but the New Year seems like a really good time to start anew :) I hope you all had a good Chrimbus! I know the Grah-fish and I had areally nice time, from the cookies to the drawings to the good food! (turkey ;.=.;)
Oh yeah, one last thing: I got a new tablet, an Intuos!... Twice! I must be the luckiest dergon ever! My parents were kind enough to get me one (which I'm honestly surprised they got the right kind, not saying they're dumb, but let's just say technology isn't their stength), and then Grah also got me one without knowing they did >3 Grah, you're really awesome to have thought of me so much, and I really appreciate it :3 It's exactly what I needed, as my old tablet was getting very worn out, and also it's -tiny- compared to the new one. Many fish-hugs <3
So yeah, there'll be more art soon from a new tablet! It will take some getting used to, but I'm excited!
Kulbara Commissions: OPEN
General | Posted 11 years agoOpen for commissions!
I need the money for food and medicine, motivation, confidence, and the progress towards more projects in the future. I've no other source of income at the moment. This is my job, so I hope I can draw lots for folks.
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
I need the money for food and medicine, motivation, confidence, and the progress towards more projects in the future. I've no other source of income at the moment. This is my job, so I hope I can draw lots for folks.
---
Price:
Single Images:
$08 - Headshot Sketch / Icon
$15 - Full Body Sketch
$25 - Inked
+$10 - Flats
+$10 - Shading and Details
$5-$10 per additional character, depending on complexity.
Comics and Sequences:
$50 - Comic Sketch Page
$80 - Comic Inked Page
$100 - Comic Flats Page
$120 - Comic Full Details Page
Sequences are special, I need to discuss the details with you if you want one as content can vary greatly. In general however, headshot tf sequences are fairly quick for me to do and I offer a discount on them.
Quality:
Sketches: Cleaned/Refined. Not chickenscratch sketchings, but not as clean as inks.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/17553283/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11764705/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5686698/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/14118469/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13034008/
Inks: Very clean and crisp, comic-style lining
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/6645368/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15533218/ (nsfw)
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/12860430/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13006485/
Flats: Flat colored images, either sketches or inks as a base
Shading and Details: Soft or cell shading, lighting, intricate textures, complex effects, etc...
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13034069/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13867324/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17285208/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16225835/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16952172/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15883610/ (nsfw)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15854212/ (nsfw)
Quantity:
Always accepting more commissions, though it'd be safe to say I'll be working on 3 at a time, generally, as a priority list.
Amount of pages, if it is a sequence or comic, is negotiable.
Subject:
-Dragons c:
-Transformation
-Any of the 'mons (Pokemon, Digimon, etc...)
-Transformation
-Icons
-Fanart (To a point, may need to discuss)
-Anything with paws, a tail, and a muzzle really
-Did I mention transformation?
-If it's something else, we'll have to discuss, but I'm generally open!
I will draw tame and/or mature subject matter, but I reserve the right to choose what I want to draw. I need to stay motivated and excited to draw these things, at least for the time being.
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
THE FALSE PENGUIN QUEST
General | Posted 11 years ago SBW-Tusachi said there would be penguins and we walked forever and there WEREN'T. ANY. PENGUINS and now I'm tired and Grah is a false prophet and DECEIVER do not believe the fishy one's lies!Commissions Open
General | Posted 12 years agoI thought the last journal wasn't concise or clean enough for the commission part, and after I've received some complaints about that, I'm reposting that info here to make it clear.
I need the money for food and medicine, motivation, confidence, and the progress towards more projects in the future. I've no other source of income at the moment, and have been wanting to do commissions for quite a long while. Am also saving for a trip for certain creaturey people to visit/be visited. ^^
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
I need the money for food and medicine, motivation, confidence, and the progress towards more projects in the future. I've no other source of income at the moment, and have been wanting to do commissions for quite a long while. Am also saving for a trip for certain creaturey people to visit/be visited. ^^
---
Price:
$10.
Quality:
Cleaned/Refined Sketches. Not chickenscratch sketchings, not meticulously inked (unless perhaps I really love your idea :3 )
Quantity:
1 slot at first, moving up to 3 slots later once comfortable.
Sequences are fine and even desired, but would require discussion.
Extra simple characters are usually fine, complex characters would require discussion.
Subject:
-Dragons c:
-Transformation
-Any of the 'mons (Pokemon, Digimon, etc...)
-Transformation
-Icons
-Fanart (To a point, may need to discuss)
-Anything with paws, a tail, and a muzzle really
-Did I mention transformation?
-If it's something else, we'll have to discuss, but I'm generally open!
I will draw tame and/or mature subject matter, but I reserve the right to choose what I want to draw. I need to stay motivated and excited to draw these things, at least for the time being.
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
COMMISSIONS --- also, ramblings of a dergon
General | Posted 12 years agoHello everyone,
I've been off of FA and messengers for what feels like quite a while now, and some of you may or may have not seen the last journal posted by that fishbutt SBW-Tusachi. (Grah has been so freaking supportive, I can't even express it properly. I wouldn't have gotten better without him. He needs hugs; right now.) In that journal Grah described how I was hospitalized and quite sick afterwards. It was a fairly long road to recovery, yet I'm happy to say that I'm back to normal and healthy now, or at least close to it! Still have the occasional sub-par day and have my struggles, like we all do, but most days I can at least function. During that all however, I've had a lot of time to think. I'm making this journal as a kind of release to get all those things off of my mind, as it's been weighing on me heavily. It's not bad though, I hope I can use this to get talking to people and drawing again!
Obviously at first the reason I disappeared for a while was that I was sick. (btw, what I was ill with was the flu and bronchitis, along with a very strange case of “air pockets” forming in my lungs. The doctors didn't have a clue what was causing it, but said that they'd heal with time and rest, which it did! It really took it out of me at the time though, I seriously couldn't move an inch without getting winded and having to fall to the floor.) Even so, as people who know me well have discovered, I am nearly always invisible on messengers lately, even though I'm technically online. I haven't been speaking to many people, and for the ones that I do, it must be very annoying to never know what my status is. Well, I've been doing this out of a sort of anxiety, feeling overwhelmed every time I would actually sign on. It's not that I didn't want to talk to people, it's more that I would feel unable to focus on what they would say. I was afraid that I couldn't show people the attention I wanted to give them and thought I needed to show them. When it wasn't that, the strong emotions of guilt and apprehension made most time spent online unbearable. That combined with the physical problems really led to this situation.
I've been receiving advice and help from Grah and those close to me, learning strategies to deal with this. I admit I was a bit afraid to commit to this journal and take the plunge in terms of talking to people, but feeling like I'm messing up all the time and neglecting the people I've met has become even -more- unbearable. I'm a little afraid that it'll get difficult again, but I'm not going to stay invisible on messenger anymore. If I do get physically ill and/or hospitalized again, I will tell people and come back asap. All I ask is that when I first sign on again, please be patient with me in terms of how quickly I might respond if you do message me. I am really really thankful for everybody being supportive, and I don't want to make people feel any worse by showing up online yet not saying anything (this is the kind of thing I worry/worried about). This is honestly difficult for me is all and will take some time; I have a lot of love I want to show you all ;; I mean that though, I really do want to talk to you though, (yes YOU! *points a claw at*) so please do message me if I don't right away! One last thought is that if any other people out there have similar issues of anxiety or fear when it comes to signing on and talking, please do leave a comment or note or whatnot. It really helps to feel less worried about it.
I'm planning on redoing my FA a bit, as well as DA eventually, and some other things like setting up a new business email, etc... I'll post that information on my profile here when it does change. My messenger ID is pretty much always Kulbara still, no change there.
As far as posting things here goes, I haven't done so in a while, but I really want to start. I can't tell you how many sketched/nearly finished pieces I've got sitting around my desktop and whatnot, that I've not posted out of nervousness. So expect to start seeing some new things from me! That brings me to commissions, which I strongly desire to do. I'd like to do what my good buddy ArcticFrigidFrostFox has done recently by opening 1-3 slots for sketches, nothing too heavy. I would like to go for a rate of $10 for a sketch at first, and move up to $15 after completing a few. (By the way, if you've not seen his art or checked his commissions, gogo right now! >.=.< He's amazing!). I need the money, for one. I'm not, but it actually would be my single source of income right now, which only helps to motivate even more to open for these commissions. The reason I haven't opened for them already however, is that I've got many older requests and drawings that I still need to do for some folks. These drawings have weighed on my mind, I really want to do them, but quite honestly I'm intimidated by them. I've been very unsure and insecure about my own work in the past, but the problem has been that I'd let it stop me from drawing, which would compound the feelings of regret and inability to the point of being unable to function. I won't do that anymore (hence this journal).
What I'd like to do is use these new sketch-missions to get back in the groove of art, at least doing a few before tackling the older things I'm a bit intimidated of. Honestly, the thought of these older drawings has even prevented me from posting things, because I worried I'd anger people by drawing anything that wasn't “proper”. I do promise however that I'll still do any requests or commissions that I've agreed to in the past that I haven't done yet. Really do want to warm up with this first like I said though. The pride of accomplishing these things and making people happy would really make me feel more confident I think. That, and these are going to be sketchier things, but I'd also like to work up to more detailed/intense commissions, like fully colored things and sequences, and also a few other ideas rolling around in my skull.
So yes! Expect me to be online from now on, like a normal freaking person! >3 You'll also be seeing more posts, likely soon after this journal is posted even. Other than that, commission details are below, and I'll talk to you more in either notes, or in messenger! See you soon!
Much love, Kulbara
I'm opening commissions for the above reasons, but just to recap: I need the money for food and medicine, motivation, confidence, and the progress towards more projects in the future. I've no other source of income at the moment, and have been wanting to do commissions for quite a long while. Am also saving for a trip for certain creaturey people to visit/be visited. ^^
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
I've been off of FA and messengers for what feels like quite a while now, and some of you may or may have not seen the last journal posted by that fishbutt SBW-Tusachi. (Grah has been so freaking supportive, I can't even express it properly. I wouldn't have gotten better without him. He needs hugs; right now.) In that journal Grah described how I was hospitalized and quite sick afterwards. It was a fairly long road to recovery, yet I'm happy to say that I'm back to normal and healthy now, or at least close to it! Still have the occasional sub-par day and have my struggles, like we all do, but most days I can at least function. During that all however, I've had a lot of time to think. I'm making this journal as a kind of release to get all those things off of my mind, as it's been weighing on me heavily. It's not bad though, I hope I can use this to get talking to people and drawing again!
Obviously at first the reason I disappeared for a while was that I was sick. (btw, what I was ill with was the flu and bronchitis, along with a very strange case of “air pockets” forming in my lungs. The doctors didn't have a clue what was causing it, but said that they'd heal with time and rest, which it did! It really took it out of me at the time though, I seriously couldn't move an inch without getting winded and having to fall to the floor.) Even so, as people who know me well have discovered, I am nearly always invisible on messengers lately, even though I'm technically online. I haven't been speaking to many people, and for the ones that I do, it must be very annoying to never know what my status is. Well, I've been doing this out of a sort of anxiety, feeling overwhelmed every time I would actually sign on. It's not that I didn't want to talk to people, it's more that I would feel unable to focus on what they would say. I was afraid that I couldn't show people the attention I wanted to give them and thought I needed to show them. When it wasn't that, the strong emotions of guilt and apprehension made most time spent online unbearable. That combined with the physical problems really led to this situation.
I've been receiving advice and help from Grah and those close to me, learning strategies to deal with this. I admit I was a bit afraid to commit to this journal and take the plunge in terms of talking to people, but feeling like I'm messing up all the time and neglecting the people I've met has become even -more- unbearable. I'm a little afraid that it'll get difficult again, but I'm not going to stay invisible on messenger anymore. If I do get physically ill and/or hospitalized again, I will tell people and come back asap. All I ask is that when I first sign on again, please be patient with me in terms of how quickly I might respond if you do message me. I am really really thankful for everybody being supportive, and I don't want to make people feel any worse by showing up online yet not saying anything (this is the kind of thing I worry/worried about). This is honestly difficult for me is all and will take some time; I have a lot of love I want to show you all ;; I mean that though, I really do want to talk to you though, (yes YOU! *points a claw at*) so please do message me if I don't right away! One last thought is that if any other people out there have similar issues of anxiety or fear when it comes to signing on and talking, please do leave a comment or note or whatnot. It really helps to feel less worried about it.
I'm planning on redoing my FA a bit, as well as DA eventually, and some other things like setting up a new business email, etc... I'll post that information on my profile here when it does change. My messenger ID is pretty much always Kulbara still, no change there.
As far as posting things here goes, I haven't done so in a while, but I really want to start. I can't tell you how many sketched/nearly finished pieces I've got sitting around my desktop and whatnot, that I've not posted out of nervousness. So expect to start seeing some new things from me! That brings me to commissions, which I strongly desire to do. I'd like to do what my good buddy ArcticFrigidFrostFox has done recently by opening 1-3 slots for sketches, nothing too heavy. I would like to go for a rate of $10 for a sketch at first, and move up to $15 after completing a few. (By the way, if you've not seen his art or checked his commissions, gogo right now! >.=.< He's amazing!). I need the money, for one. I'm not, but it actually would be my single source of income right now, which only helps to motivate even more to open for these commissions. The reason I haven't opened for them already however, is that I've got many older requests and drawings that I still need to do for some folks. These drawings have weighed on my mind, I really want to do them, but quite honestly I'm intimidated by them. I've been very unsure and insecure about my own work in the past, but the problem has been that I'd let it stop me from drawing, which would compound the feelings of regret and inability to the point of being unable to function. I won't do that anymore (hence this journal).
What I'd like to do is use these new sketch-missions to get back in the groove of art, at least doing a few before tackling the older things I'm a bit intimidated of. Honestly, the thought of these older drawings has even prevented me from posting things, because I worried I'd anger people by drawing anything that wasn't “proper”. I do promise however that I'll still do any requests or commissions that I've agreed to in the past that I haven't done yet. Really do want to warm up with this first like I said though. The pride of accomplishing these things and making people happy would really make me feel more confident I think. That, and these are going to be sketchier things, but I'd also like to work up to more detailed/intense commissions, like fully colored things and sequences, and also a few other ideas rolling around in my skull.
So yes! Expect me to be online from now on, like a normal freaking person! >3 You'll also be seeing more posts, likely soon after this journal is posted even. Other than that, commission details are below, and I'll talk to you more in either notes, or in messenger! See you soon!
Much love, Kulbara
I'm opening commissions for the above reasons, but just to recap: I need the money for food and medicine, motivation, confidence, and the progress towards more projects in the future. I've no other source of income at the moment, and have been wanting to do commissions for quite a long while. Am also saving for a trip for certain creaturey people to visit/be visited. ^^
---
Price:
$10.
Quality:
Cleaned/Refined Sketches. Not chickenscratch sketchings, not meticulously inked (unless perhaps I really love your idea :3 )
Quantity:
1 slot at first, moving up to 3 slots later once comfortable.
Sequences are fine and even desired, but would require discussion.
Extra simple characters are usually fine, complex characters would require discussion.
Subject:
-Dragons c:
-Transformation
-Any of the 'mons (Pokemon, Digimon, etc...)
-Transformation
-Icons
-Fanart (To a point, may need to discuss)
-Anything with paws, a tail, and a muzzle really
-Did I mention transformation?
-If it's something else, we'll have to discuss, but I'm generally open!
I will draw tame and/or mature subject matter, but I reserve the right to choose what I want to draw. I need to stay motivated and excited to draw these things, at least for the time being.
Examples of the work you can expect are in my gallery, though I will be posting more of my own drawings soon that will provide a more recent and better example.
Methods of contact/payment:
1. Note me if interested, or contact via messenge if I've added you. Will send Paypal info and email through that.
2. I will respond to any/all notes. If I have to say no, I will talk about why, keep your name on a priority list, and who knows? In the future, I may draw your idea still!
3. Will draw your pic first, then will show you a preview via stream. Only after the commissioner is satisfied will I accept payment.
An Update -- Redux~
General | Posted 12 years agoIt's Grah here talking for Kulbara again!
Uhm, well, hey! Things seem to have turned out alright it seems, haha. He's been given quite a collection of candies (read: medicine) while being discharged today. Yay! The little shit had me so worried.
But yea, he's here home now. Resting for the most part, and he'll be doing so for a good week or little more depending on how he's feeling. He may also have a touch of bronchitis, but hey, at least he's back at home. And actually able to talk somewhat! It's also nice to see him not refuse to eat as though it'll be the death of him.
So yay! Dunno when he'll be back to talking to folk, but well, who can EVER guess that~
Uhm, well, hey! Things seem to have turned out alright it seems, haha. He's been given quite a collection of candies (read: medicine) while being discharged today. Yay! The little shit had me so worried.
But yea, he's here home now. Resting for the most part, and he'll be doing so for a good week or little more depending on how he's feeling. He may also have a touch of bronchitis, but hey, at least he's back at home. And actually able to talk somewhat! It's also nice to see him not refuse to eat as though it'll be the death of him.
So yay! Dunno when he'll be back to talking to folk, but well, who can EVER guess that~
