Got everything done today so I will be up streaming today!

Trying some new materials out today! There is a different way I am going to try foaming a head today, a new lighter rig as well!

I should be streaming until 11pm, I am trying to regulate my hours as I realise I am starting to overwork myself (sleeping for about 20hrs straight is proof of that o.o)

I'll be doing a small test before I move onto the main peice !

Will be live here http://www.livestream.com/kurosden

Fixing my brothers trousers! I imagine I will be an hour or so, he tried to 'fix' them with hot glue :/

Kura x

As it says on the title! I may start at 3PM but I am not sure I'll have all my chores done yet!

I'm starting the process of foaming houndooms head! I'll be doing a small test first as it will be the first time I have used that type of foam! However come join me!

Feel free to ask questions as well :3 I don't really have forbidden topics either so it's a free for all!

All I ask is be polite and over look my swearing o.o I shout at my tools, especially my sewing machine! So apologies if I ofend o.o

http://www.livestream.com/kurosden/

Today's dentist was far better than the last time! Had a nap and I feel MUCH better now! Thankfully no reaction to the anesthetic (and a plus that without adrenaline in it there is no shaking, blue swollen face! And it lasts shorter!).

Just eating my dinner first!

Will be live here: http://www.livestream.com/kurosden

As title says I have the dentist today! Not sure I will be streaming today! Last dentist I had an allergic reaction to the anesthetic x.x so hopefully that doesn't happen again! By the time I had recovered it had been a good 9hours..

Wish me luck! I really don't like going either v.v

Kurauno xx

Streaming Issues

Pretty much every day for the past week I have been streaming daily! I have a slight snag though! My laptop screen died today at the end of my stream x.x in the case that it's not behaving tomorrow I won't be streaming.

I am quite enjoying streaming everything I do! So I will be quite sad if it still isn't wor tomorrow v.v

I really have need to replace the screan for a while.. Currently it's the occasional 'White screen of death'. It's actuall the screen from the laptop that I accidentally threw over my shoulder two years ago.. I accidentally put my foot through the current laptops screen last year and galvanised parts from the old one to fix it! I'm actually surprised it's lasted so long!

So there's the lumpy sugar story!

I'll still upload my progress at the end of the day :3 even if I have to high jack my brothers desktop!

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Premade Parts

On the subject of premade quadsuit parts... Would anyone be interested in them at all? Eg. Like a quadsuit head or stilts etc not a full costume.
I'm thinking of different premade items and I know I will get seriously bored churning out x amount of normal heads.

Even things that are not specifically fur based like collars or props! Literally anything you would like to see from me! Different styles? Suggested techniques?? I will be building a japanese style head at some point in the future too!

What animals do you want to see?? This month we have husky, goat and wolf appearing but what others you guys want to pop up??

Asking because a bored me is not a productive me! Short attention span too unless I get absorbed in things!

Speaking of absorbed o.o the Doberman is enthralling me right now! I am very excited for it!! I love love love making realistic things and it's fantas to be making houndoom realistic! Come to think of it... I have never done a toony quadsuit at all!


Ah it's 1am o.o I have college! Darn... See what I mean by enthraling?? Too many ideas in my head! Even solved the vision for Jinxis!! Super happy about that :)

Ok night! I'm up in 6hrs o.o

Heads up for all! Hopefully starting a Doberman Quadsuit! Otherwise it will be the blue toon husky from today!

I will be streaming most days now! For days I am at college I will start later and will be working on premades and homework. For days I am off college I will be working on commission work!

For those who don't know I am enrolled onto a course that is helping me with my sewing skills, correcting what damage I have done with self teaching myself and helping greatly with patterning! It is very informative so far!

So far I don't have many streams scheduled for Tuesday's yet as I currently have appointments on that day for at least the next 2 months!

Hopefully I can see some of you in stream tomorrow!

I will be streaming here!

http://www.livestream.com/kurosden

Making fursuit hair! and furring :P

http://www.livestream.com/kurosden

http://www.livestream.com/kurosden?t=498121

here instead, I fear it might be slow! hopefully I can get some feedback on how well its running in the chat!

Currently trying to fix my webcam but I will be test streaming here today. I imagine it will take an hour or so to fix properly as my brother is currently fixing his computers. The drivers I need are on there and currently not available for download anymore!

I have been trying since 1PM GMT so far today o.o but I want it up and running for the 1st when I start my queue! Breaking for food just now but hopefully when I get back it wont take long to fix! Fresh mind and eyes hopefully!

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/kuraunos-creatures

Queue for Completion:

1. Jinxsis Houndoom Quadsuit
2. Vyper Fullsuit
3. Rena Kyu Quadsuit 98% - minor parts for completion and shipping
4. Quadsuit for Saia.Nyde
5. Grey Wolf Fullsuit

---

Queue for Refund:

6. Rena Kyu shipping
7. Ziegenbock (being made by another maker)




Queue for undecided

1.?

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Queue for Completed

1. Feraligator Fursuit
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

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Pre-mades being made this month:

1. Semi-realistic wildcat (head, tail, paws) 90% complete
2. Realistic wolf (head only) not started
3. Realistic Goat (head, tail) 10% complete
4. Toony Gshep (head, tail, paws) 30% complete

---

Any flames or white knights will be hidden so don't bother posting them. Anyone who is involved knows where to contact me, please do so if you have any issue/queries. 'Involved' means you are one of the folks listed above


As agreed with the folks above, suits are being completed in order of the queue. Pre-mades are being sold to fund these (3/4 a month roughly). Everyone who is concerned has my email, if you have any questions then email me.

If you feel you are owed something then comment with an email below, a summary of what s owed and I will email you.

For the TL;DR

I am in contact with everyone, those who are due have my email and can email with questions etc. I am working on resolving this, that is the important fact.



For those who wish to read:

I am not going to repeat things I have already said in previous journals. Pretty much everything is already there. This journal is mainly to address the fact that I am in contact with all concerned regarding complementing work. Those who are due, know and have known before the posts how and exactly where to contact me. This included the user who posted the first complaint regarding this.

I have already apologized numerous times as well and really that's all I can do. I am doing my part already.

Regarding the user account  suyika I fully admit that this is my account. However its purpose was for selling pre-mades created to fund the completion of outstanding work. As I had already experienced disagreements concerning posting pre-mades on my main account I decided to post elsewhere yet still doing what I had promised to. This is an unavoidable situation and no matter what I say there will always be unhappy folks.

In response to some of the comments posted about my other work being bad. It is to note that my realistic and toony styles are completely different. Both suits commented on were toony and the comparison to my prior semi-realistic quadsuits are unfounded. I know toony is my weakness so I have sought to improve it rather than reject it completely.
One of the suits, the 'Slowbrow' was an all fleece suit and an exploration into seeing if I could expand my skills there (I was thinking of the Doberman and Rottweiler inspired creatures I would be making, they are short furred species). This suit was a steep learning curve for me yet I have improved from it.

The Feraligator was one of the due commissions to be completed. The owner had full contact throughout the build and it was the style they wanted. They were happy with the outcome and that's all that matters. Not every costume will please everyone. There are some costumes of mine I hate dearly yet they are some of the most loved by others.

For those who have received work from me, if you are unhappy with quality then it is up to you to bring this directly with me. I can't fix anything if you don't say anything.

Its like getting a steak not cooked how you asked in a restaurant and not saying anything while eating it all and then going on to tell everyone 'that place is bad, don't go there'.
As far as I am aware those who have received work from me are happy. I have not been told otherwise.

Before commenting I would suggest others who are not directly involved to read prior journals. For now as I am in GMT I am in need of food. Below is the current list.



Queue for Completion:

1. Jinxsis Houndoom Quadsuit - ON HOLD awaiting new DTD
2. Vyper Fullsuit MOVED TO REFUND, SUIT CHANGED TO PREMADE (only needs head)
3. Rena Kyu Quadsuit 98% - minor parts for completion and shipping DONE
4. Quadsuit for Saia.Nyde

---

Queue for Refund:

5. Rena Kyu shipping
6. Ziegenbock (being made by another maker) - only 1 payment left
7. Vyper now GWolf (will recieve 50% of sale of GWolf fullsuit as agreed for refund) Only head to do.

---

Queue for undecided

1. Currently everyone decided

---

Queue for Completed

1. Feraligator Fursuit http://yuki-moon.deviantart.com/art.....suit-539831598 since upgraded to http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19587354/ (upgrade helped refurb/refund)
2. Gurei Khan refurb http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17880033/
3. Kyubimon Quadsuit http://www.furaffinity.net/view/19907461/
4.
5.
6.

---

As far as I know list is completed! If you are owed anything leave a note with your email and what it is owed

---

Any flames or white knights will be hidden so don't bother posting them. Anyone who is involved knows where to contact me, please do so if you have any issue/queries. 'Involved' means you are one of the folks listed above


EDIT: As agreed with the folks above, suits are being completed in order of the queue. Pre-mades are being sold to fund these (3/4 a month roughly). Everyone who is concerned has my email, if you have any questions then email me.

If you feel you are owed something then comment with an email below, a summary of what s owed and I will email you.

Queue for Completion:

1. Jinxsis Houndoom Quadsuit
2. Vyper Fullsuit
3. Rena Kyu Quadsuit 98% - minor parts for completion and shipping
4. Quadsuit for Saia.Nyde

---

Queue for Refund:

5. Rena Kyu shipping
6. Ziegenbock (being made by another maker)

---

Queue for undecided

1.?

---

Queue for Completed

1. Feraligator Fursuit
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

---

As far as I know list is completed! If you are owed anything leave a note with your email and what it is owed

---

Any flames or white knights will be hidden so don't bother posting them. Anyone who is involved knows where to contact me, please do so if you have any issue/queries. 'Involved' means you are one of the folks listed above


EDIT: As agreed with the folks above, suits are being completed in order of the queue. Pre-mades are being sold to fund these (3/4 a month roughly). Everyone who is concerned has my email, if you have any questions then email me.

Okay, I want to start off by apologizing for the delays. I know how this looks and in your shoes I would be upset and frustrated as well. However, I wanted to let you know the current situation and to give my side of the story. I am doing everything I can to make things right. Life has finally settled down and I will be ready to get back to work on outstanding items from 1st March.

Since the last update, I have given up my house and cut overheads to 1/4 of what they were before (having a house and feeding two people is hard on a low income). I have moved back into my mom’s house who has been generous enough to provide me with a space where I can work and I have also given up my full time job so that I can dedicate my time to finishing outstanding commissions.

While my overheads are less than they were before, I do still have bills and my IVA (£10k payday loans debt) to pay for. I need to generate a small income and will continue selling pre-mades to help cover those expenses. The pre-mades (as is true for previous pre-mades) will use materials I have leftover from previous work and none of the money from commissions is going toward them.

Any profit generated from selling pre-mades is going back into finishing commissions. I am also not taking any money aside from shipping costs once commissions are complete, no matter what you paid. This is as close to a refund as I can manage and truthfully the prices I charged at the time won’t cover my material costs now. However, that was my mistake and you deserve something in return for all the delays.

Again, I understand why some of you are angry that the work has not yet been completed. I wanted to address your complaints publicly as I am not and never have been interested in scamming anyone. I take great pride in my work and deeply regret that people feel let down. In hindsight, I would simply have refunded or rejected work at the time but I never expected my life would take the turns that it has.

Everyone expecting a commission knows how to get in touch if there are questions.I will deliver your work as soon as I can and once work is underway I will keep in touch with regular updates so you can have input into the creative process. I want to ensure you are completely happy with what you get before it is shipped out.

Kurauno.

just taking long page off the front

Commissioners please read this if not already done so - https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5933219/

---

Queue for Completion:

1. Jinxsis Houndoom Quadsuit
2. Feraligator Fursuit
3. Rena Kyu Quadsuit 98% - minor parts for completion and shipping
4. Quadsuit for Saia.Nyde

Queue for Refund:

1. Rena Kyu shipping

Ok guys I have made a HUGE mistake. I can only apologise and hope that you will accept. In my last journal about suit updates asked for you guys to' note me an email address' and I would contact you. I haven't realised until now that that was a typo. It was supposed to say 'email me with your email address and details of the commission'. In my notes any and all commission details have been lost since there is that many.

All this time I have been waiting for emails to the email linked with my paypal and wondering if anyone actually cared at all anymore. I know you will be thinking the same thing

I received a letter this morning from Ziegenbock which coincidental I only got because I happened to be in contact with my old neighbour who said she had a stack of letters for me. I haven't actually lived at that address since the beginning of this year!

During my last journal about costume work I was not in the best frame of mind, I also used and still do, use the term 'note' as a synonym for 'email'. As I had stated I was/didn't use notes at all anymore I wondered why I was getting them at all

I understand now that I bit off more than I could chew costume work. Mentally I was not fit to be taking any on and I should not of even considered it but I was in a desperate situation. Being abused by my father, that much I can freely admit, getting a concussion every time something wasn't right was in no way shape or form acceptable. Hell my workload is even more at work now than it was before. We were running on skeleton staff up until April. I work full time and two days a week I stay over at work Saturday through to Monday following into my counselling. I work a 60hr week at work easily! So time is limited along with an hours travel on each end..

Shortly after my last journal I had a nervous breakdown. The stress of my day to day life with my sister, constant screaming matches that reminded me all too much of my father. Relationship stress - I am unable to have what would be considered a 'normal' relationship with anyone, abuse in my past has made it pretty much a given and subsequently I had a nervous breakdown in October. Of which I am still recovering. The guy in question should in no way feel guilty for this at all, I should not of even thought he would be the same in any way. He listened, helped, was patient even when I avoided him for the better part of a good few months. We still talk now even and I still trust him.
I was just into my job and being bullied ridiculously by a Senior member of staff but being told 'deal with it, this is a part of gr owning up' and 'don't stick up for yourself'. This is after having had to stick up for myself against my own fathers abuse. The girl then got transferred to another department and it settled for a few weeks. Trying my best to be civil was in vain, the girl blew up and attempted to fire me telling me 'go home you're fired'.
Naturally having fought my way out of the situation I was in with my father before and knowing my sister had the same temper and prospect for violence, I was scared and upset.
My sister herself is a recovering drug user so her moods were up and down normally until the switch was flipped. Thankfully she is a lot better now and is off the substitute they gave her and now clean.

During this time my job was unbearable, I was dreading coming into work each day, I drank like clockwork every week and slept the rest of it because my depression skyrocketed.
The girl herself was fired about a month later after this incident for attacking the head chef because he told her not to pick on me or the new receptionist.

From her leaving things have been hard graft in getting the hotel back up to standard. It changed hands along with a new assistant manager. Everyone butts heads now and again but we work much better together.

Up until January I had been accumulating a mass of loans and payday loans. This time while I am still in about £12000 worth of debt (not including student debt) I am slowly working my way out of it with a company called Harrington Brooks. I said 'New year, New start' and for once I felt a little optimistic. In about 3-4years I will be debt free if all goes to plan. It is a long time however it was the start of getting my life on track.

Around the same time my first counselling session came up. My Mom contacted KASP(Kingdom Abuse Survivors Project) behind my back. My sister had been at a loss what to do so went to my Mom. It was terrifying at first but it has been a great help emotionally. I go once a week, every Monday afternoon. My councillor is a wonderful woman and is slowly helping me get my mental health back on track. Yesterday I was actually going to suggest meeting every two weeks however today was very taxing and I chickened out when I was asked 'Same time next week?'
You wouldn't believe how much it helps to just talk to someone and not have to worry about being judged or assuming my sexuality is because of things out of my control that happened when I was only 8.

Around February I found a place to live for my own. My sister, like my father, hated fluff and foam. She found it embracing and thought she would be attacked by association in the area that we lived in. It was hard to take that one of the few things I found happiness in was viewed like that with half my family! If I left something out of my room, guaranteed when I was back from work the next day it would 'tidied' back into my room. I felt trapped to one room, nothing could stay out without pre approval x.x

So I got my own place, moved out and finally able to do what I wanted, when I wanted provided I had time. Unfortunately my work hours increased from 45hrs to 60hrs and now they want to pile even more responsibility onto me because I have been there a year past April. I find myself running out of energy, sleeping more, appetite fluctuating, moods swinging - don't even mention pregnancy, its not possible. A couple days ago I was asked if I was 'stoned' at work, not a drug in my system either! I was just that tired, granted I also walked into a wall that day.

So along with the house, my debt repayments, travel and living expenses things are stretched far to thin. My brother has moved in with me and is currently jobless. I am supporting bother of us until he gets working. I admit it will be harder for him to get a job, he has both aspergers syndrome and ADHD

This brings me onto the commissions themselves. As far as I was mistakenly aware (due to my mistake mentioned above) I was waiting on emails. However, I realise it was the other way round.

For those who will demand full refunds I am afraid in my current situation that is impossible. I am selling things each month just to scrape by along with repaying my debt and all the other expenses that come with having a house in the private sector.

For those who I do have the emails for I am setting up an email to specifically see to those commissions and those commissions alone!

Those who are wanting refunds will also have to understand the terms I set that were agreed to that deposits are non refundable. I am sorry but I can't budge on that. You will also have to understand that the only way I can generate enough money in one sitting to even offer some kind of payment is to make premades and sell them. Even though I work 60odd hours at work I do not get paid for them as I am salaried. If you count my hours right now I am only actually getting about £4.40 an hour. If I was to work my contracted 40hrs only, it seems much better (£6.60) but reality is different.

For those who still wish to have their costumes completed I will do so. I know there are a few I had only received deposits for anyway. In the case of those wanting suits completed I shall start with the person who has been waiting the longest and work my way forward from there. With the hours I am working I wont be able to give a completion date as I can assume it will more than like be broken if I hit a set back! And trust me it has happened far too often this past year.

In my head this is the only way forward I can see. I would honestly like to complete the suits and come out the other side having survived this stage in my life.

I can only hope that you guys will let me put this right.

I will be emailing the emails in the last update journal and the ones I can find in my notes. If you have not been emailed within 72hrs (18TH JULY 7AM GMT) Then please leave a comment on this journal with the email and the name of the costume.


Kurauno

---

For those looking to white-knight and flame there is no point as I will only delete/ignore/block. I am trying to sort things out after the mistake I realise I have made. Indeed no body is perfect, however, making me feel the exact same as I did in these past situations will not help any of the commissioners involved at all.
Any attempts to contact me through personal means eg. facebook, my phone will be ignored as I do not know you physically, I don't answer my phone unless it is for work either. These methods are for my family to contact. Also harassing my family and friends is out of the question and highly inappropriate.

Ugh... I swear everything is happening these past few months. Just got a nasty scare with the cat almost having to get an operation v.v dog and cat had a caffufle and it ended with the cat almost falling from the balcony x.x top floor balcony D; luckily my sister saved her! I was at work at the time so couldn't do anything x.x

She had a possible hernia so yesterday she had to go back to the vet, now we have to keep her under a 72hr observation just in case something comes up. It looks like she is on the mend though!! She has pain meds and vet says as long as nothing changes and she keeps picking up then there should be no reason to come back.

I keep thinking something is going to go wrong again x.x

ANYWAY! I'm uploading shiz later tonight, including a video so look forward to that.

Maybe I should go eat something now... get ready to power on ( and get rid of the headache I have..)
I am thinking of that streaming idea, any opinions on that?


argh! I keep walking away from the computer to do things x.x keep forgetting to post this x.x

kura xxx

sorry I feel asleep o.o

I don’t normally do this but I figured it would let everybody understand, not justify, but understand just exactly what has been going on these past months I have been away.
I guess I’ll start at the beginning, roughly just over a year ago.
I moved back in with my father literally the day I finished my End of Year exhibition at college. My reasons were that he had told me he had cancer and was receiving chemotherapy, unfortunately I now no longer know if this is true or not as I have been told many things since. Point is at the time I believed my father had that horrible disease that usually means the absolute worst. I cried so much when he told me; I even had to tell my lecturers as I couldn’t keep it together at college. As it turned out the lecturer who I had confided in was going through a similar situation, his wife had a very aggressive cancer which was terminal.
I found out that my granddad had asbestos induced cancer in his lungs around the same time – he was exposed in his fire fighting days.
Anyway! I moved back to Dads to help out, do housework and help pay bills in the little way I could. At the time I was on Job Seekers allowance and had very little income as it was. Dad’s attitude quickly changed when I was fully moved in again. He decided I had to pay him rent. £150 at first. In the first week everything was happy (despite having a mattress on the floor to sleep on and not much food it was still home), I gave him the money, he bought a little food but then after that he kept spending long periods of time staying at women’s houses (couldn’t tell you how many, he usually had two or more on the go – my mom split with him just before I moved to college in the city). Now this was all fine at first but after him spending a week away things were beginning to run out. I thought ok, Dads going through a hard time so you have to buck up and get shiz while he is not here. After about another two weeks of this happening ‘rent day’ was approaching and despite buying the cheapest food I could (soup, bread and cheapy noodles) and putting the minimum I could on gas and electric I couldn’t afford to give Dad ‘rent money’.
I had to part with my wolf link quadsuit fairly quickly and despite being attached to him I thought that it was ok because he was going to a better home (Sharpe19). He sold for just enough to pay rent for the second month and get food and gas/electric to last till my next pay.
Situation quickly went worse (fast forward a few months) as increasingly my dad expected me to pay more and more. I was receiving £225 a month at this point; my dad was making me pay him the £150, £80 for food, £50 gas, £80 electric plus whatever travel I had to do (I often found myself walking the 3miles to the next town for things). Now the maths on that didn’t include my phone; internet or my Dads phone (yes I was paying my Dad’s phone bill too... because I was too bloody kind...) £30 my phone; £16 internet and £50 Dads phone. So the maths was £225 coming in and £456min going out. Honestly I was doomed from the start.
Even though my mom (who at that point I was just barely convinced that she wasn’t actually the horrible wretch I thought she was – parents splitting messes with your head) had offered me her a place free of charge if things got difficult I thought things would turn out fine...
I turned to payday loans – stupidly – to help. Ok the first two months of that but then went bad. All the while I was looking for work anywhere I could, even signing myself up for any and every training program I could get on.
I had accepted commissions at this point and while it was a slow start things were looking up again. I managed to get the loan sorted and get my dad his two months of rent (he went and got a £200 leather bike jacket... didn’t put any gas or lek in the meter, didn’t get food...).
Slowly construction started and then I was flying ahead, things were good – not brilliant but good. Arguments then started becoming more frequent about the ‘mess’ of fursuits and how I never tidied, did no housework and never paid him ‘rent’ were becoming more and more. I brought up how he no longer actually lived in his house, never paid any bills and yet expected me to pay them, it was mind boggling!
I finally managed to find a job (I cried that day too, was really happy despite it being a temporary job) at a local call centre thanks to my mum. Thankfully this job only lasted just under two months. It heralded the 4 bus to work, 4 bus home and 6/7hrs of commuting each day for a place that was a 30min drive away! I had to stop suit work because literally all I was doing was making the arduous journey to work, working and then making the trek back only to fall asleep and wake up again! On my days off I would make bread (couldn’t afford to buy bread at first, I lived on cheapy noodles and tea until my first wage came in) and do a little suit work.
My Dad would come home on days I hadn’t had the time to tidy to tell me how lazy I was, never did anything or paid anything, how I was filthy and dirty and should just go live with my mom (working a 11hr shift with 6/7hr commute doesn’t leave much time for tidying things...). As such I developed a minor problem with alcohol, low self esteem and more pronounced depression (which I have had in varying degrees throughout my life).
After my contract with the call centre ended things were ok for a couple of weeks, I still had my problems and Dad was still being a general douche but I was making shiz and doing videos again.
I kept wishing my Dad would just leave me alone, or at the very least stop living with other women and actually live in his own house and pay his own bills. I confronted him, saying how unhappy I was and how I couldn’t afford to keep paying him and that my job was only for a month, about how he never actually lived in his house anymore nor paid for it. He threw it back in my face ‘Oh boo-hoo Sarah’s not f****** happy? Well guess what? I don’t give a f****** s***’ were his exact words before he walked away to go to his current girlfriends house. To say I was devastated was tame to say the least.
The next morning he came back and stormed up to my bedroom where I was asleep. Wrenched me out of bed by the arm, we argued so much and ending in him slapping me so hard he gave me a concussion and I temporarily blacked out. He left shortly after my brother prying him away from me (bro was visiting) and telling him to leave. I never thought before that he would hit me like that; sure we got the belt and the baffie (slipper) when we were little if we were bad but I never thought anything else would happen.
I did the housework then slept for 3 days in pitch black, only waking for water and the toilet. My eyes were too sensitive to do much else other than give me the worst migraine I have had in a long time. Stupidly sleeping off a concussion...
This was roughly the end of November/ beginning of December time. By this time my Granddad’s cancer had overwhelmed him and he peacefully went in his sleep.
That year I spent my birthday with wine by myself, while I had my usual Skype chats and even had my special drunk-Skype-call buddy to chat with, I even treated myself to drunk eBay!
Arguments with my father continued but he had yet to do anything as violent again.
I managed to secure a work placement at a 4* hotel a few towns over and had high hopes of getting a job out of it, second two weeks in December and I was very hopeful. The result of one of the many training programs and initiatives I went on. After it, the owner sat me down and said he wanted me to come back under several conditions, all of which I could fulfil and I would start after my last training program had ended.
I spent my first Christmas in years at my Grandma’s and it was a welcome break. But things returned to arguing as soon as I got back.
I started my last training program with Springboard at the start of January. I made friends and studied, it was like being back at college again and while I had no free time I enjoyed it.
Mid January Dad hit me again while I was doing the dishes. We were arguing from different rooms and he came through and chopped my shoulder. He must have hit a nerve because I had shooting pains through that arm for a few days.
He left again shortly after that. I saw him every other couple of days and he started to buy food and lek/gas but the arguing got worse.
Last week of January this year we had another major argument, the worst. I had decided I would do my laundry and wash all the clothes I had going to charity and had just started sorting colours when dad came home demanding I tidied up. I refused saying I was doing my washing (I had yet to tell him I was planning on moving out the end of February. Turns out my brother had told him to ‘ease Dad’s mind’. He said he had had enough (by this point I was refusing to tidy up after my Dad or pay lek/gas (amazingly Dad had actually picked up the slack when I stopped so I thought things were okish, turbulent but okish). So he had had enough and it was time I had to go. He was sick of fursuit mess, my mess (a DTD on the floor.... sewing machine on table... a couple of dishes in the sink... wow!)
He grabbed my arm to try and physically throw me out of the house and I lost it. I screamed, he screamed. He smashed his fist on my face, burst my lip and cracked my head off the door and proceeded to try and drag me out. Being dazed and a dead weight didn’t help him anyway (and thankfully for me). When I came round properly there was more shouting and it ended in me locking myself in the bathroom so he couldn’t get to me. I phoned my mom who phoned the police. By the time they came my dad had segregated himself off with his current fancy of woman convincing her of what a devil child I was or some such lie – never had a woman look at me with such venom before.
Dad got carted away to the police station immediately (remember that family drama I talked about before in a previous journal?) and obviously the police can see bruises and scratches on my face, burst lip and puffy face. What I didn’t realise was there was huge lump on the back of my head from when my head hit the door. I though the first concussion was bad... the second was so bad I had to call in to the training program to get the next day off.
My mom came for me just after the police left. We spent a little time cramming as much as we could into her car because I wasn’t going back not after that...
My Dad admitted to two counts of assault against me that much I can say. As it stands I am not allowed to contact him in anyway. I still pay his phone (even though it doesn’t work for him anymore, I black listed it so alerts ping and it shuts down if he tries to put a sim in it – he refused to get it signed to his name and refused to pay for it).
After I got out of that house things got a lot better. I moved in with my sister and started making things again. I completed my training program and waited for a start date for my new job. I created Ayo (whom I am most proud of) and finally started work April first this year. I cried a lot I’ll admit because this job has made me so hopeful.
As soon as it started I was back to zero time, all work. There were issues with my training being inconsistent; ignorantly I got a few into trouble by doing what they said. One girl took up beef with me, being condescending and rude to me if I did anything wrong. Coming from the situation I had and having to stand up for myself almost daily naturally transferred over and I ended up getting myself in trouble.
Before I got my first wage I did a payday loan stupidly again (I had already spent the last 8 months before I moved going in and out of them as well).
Instead of drinking my problems away I ended up shopping buying food (which had gone back to being a luxury for me, now I could afford proper meals – no more noodles!!) and things for my cat. It’s how my aquarium started, I got obsessed!
With work taking up all of my time it got hard to do anything other than sleep going through motions coupled with extreme highs and lows was exhausting. One month I was so ill I went to work two days in a row with a fever, there isn’t anyone to cover me so ill or not I have to go in regardless. Hell even my cat got sick too.
Last month I had a nervous breakdown over shiz I thought I had gotten over that happened when I was underage many moons ago. Funny how they say things get better with time... I didn’t realise how good I am at letting things fester, I know I bottle things up but 14years is ridiculous...
I am starting counselling for that, was supposed to start on Monday this week but work made me work :/
Ah cat wants fed... brb been typing for 4hrs so far o.o
So counselling is due to start.
Aside from that my anxiety and moods are everywhere, constantly tired (I did promise an update so an all nighter it is).
I get up 5.30AM; leave 5.45AM to cycle 3.5miles to the next town for the first bus at 6.20AM that gets me to work for 6.45AM. Though I work till 3PM I frequently miss the 3.15PM bus because I am still serving, taking guests to rooms etc. Usually I get home about 6PM, have a bath, eat dinner and bed. My sister is working on drilling a better routine into me (she had the joy of witnessing my breakdown...) where I have about 4hrs free time a day to work of suit shiz.

In hindsight looking back I should have just moved back with my mom and not accepted commissions until I was on stable ground. I have all the materials but now little time. Mentally I am not fit at the moment and I can only hope people forgive me for going dead – while not intentional.
I am still on the payday loan now, that’s getting sorted slowly, you wouldn’t believe how much stress they heap on, seems so innocent at first.... I’ll be visiting the bank to talk things over (my motto ‘everything is shiny and nothing hurts’ is in overdrive just now, doesn’t help my anxiety when I get threats sent to me either)
Where I live I don’t have a very good internet signal (house is not on the voters roll so I can’t get broadband/landline either, we don’t have central heating either x.x) and I have just come out of two months of having my internet cut off because my provider refused to listen to me. I am actually typing this offline at the moment. Lapuchan blue-screened on my first version of this...

Remember when lapuchan broke guys? Well... he is still broke! Joyous!

I’ll be emailing everyone individually over the coming days. I have a few things to sell in order to ship some items out.
I must point out to everyone that I do NOT use notes and have not for some time. I do not appreciate anyone trying to contact me through means of my father (who ever that was I would hope they apologise as legally my father nor I are not allowed contact in any form).
To those concerned (and strictly ONLY those concerned) please send a current email address to my notes and I will email you back. It’s very hard to keep track of any information from notes and I get too many of the ‘how do you make this?’ or ‘can I buy XXX for X even though XXX is sold and no longer in your possession?’.

I am thinking of trying livestream each day what I do. While it won’t be a lot, it will get the ball rolling again for sure. What’s the opinion on this?

Ok it’s been 4.5hrs since I started this and I think I have typed enough for tonight and desperately need sleep. I have to visit the council in the morning x.x
After five pages and over 3000 words I bid you goodnight if you stuck with me thus far.
Night/Morning

Kura xxx



Actually fell asleep waiting for the internet to connect o.o

Currently I am coming home from the city. I wont be back in my flat till about 1.30AM (more likely you wont hear from me until about 3.30AM on journal update and much later AM for notes).

For those of you thinking I am making excuses, the bus I am currently on takes 3hrs, at 22:40pm I transfer to another bus for 1hr and then make a 3.5mile cycle up hill in pitch black to get home (my last bus route was taken off last month.. I forgot). If I am lucky and not hit (I do not have lights or reflectors - my phone is almost dead too) it could take from 40mins to an hr. Wish me luck!

Kura xxx

I got a job! Yay!! Excited much :3 it means in a couple months I will be able to get my own flat :3 once I have finished that learning to drive milarky

Awesome yes but also no v.v because it is full time that means I have faaaar less time to work on suits, roughly about 30hrs a week as opposed to the 80odd I had before v.v

Curently waiting at the bus station for my bus to work, the first bus o.o seriously I had to cycle to the next town to get this bus o.o about 3.5miles! I know that's not much to many but my fitness is so abysmally terrible that its like getting gold in the olympics for me! Lol
So its just little past 6am now, I left at 5.20am.. I am surprised I am alive now!

For those who are curious my shifts are Mon-Thur 7am-3pm and Sunday 9am-3pm.

I'll be working on suits Friday and Saturday only!! Please keep this in mind. When I get used to my schedule I'll be incorporating an hr or two each working day as right now I am flipping my sleeping pattern in completely the opposite direction D;

Now that that's dealt with this brings me on to DCon or DoJcon as it is now unfortunately called x.x
I will be attending and with stall so if your in Dundee come visit me :3 DCon is Saturday 13th April so don't miss it! I'll have furry shiz and prints there!

Kura xxx

I'll be answering all notes and comments tonight! My network fantastically doesn't work in all but one precise spot in my sisters flat (relaying on dongle power, sis has no internet/phone)

Argh! I feel so cut off! Literally my only sure method of communication is txt as I don't even have a good enough signal for making a phone call x.x permanently 'no service' D;

Cat is going to the vet today too! She has some kind of eye infection (not sneezing so I don't think it is cat flu, that said every vet trip turns out to be worst case senario... Last time was almost £200 in I dental care D; we call luci gappy now because of that)
Her eye is weeping, thought she had a scratch at first and it looked like it was getting better so I wiped some of the gunk away and turns out the seemingly healed part was a clump of fur D;
so vet time ... Its going to hurt all of us... D;

Just running an errand/appointment in town before I go back and get the cat x.x she is gonna hate me...

Kura xxx

Things have taken a turn for the worse, threat to my personal safety worse x.x

Currently at my Moms house on her computer typing this.

Long story short is my laptop has been stollen, I was injured and police were involved. Things are in a right mess just now so EVERYTHING is on hold until I can get this situation sorted. I had hoped things would end peacefully but saddly it has not.

I am picking up the last of my belongings and materials on friday. Literally all I have now is clothes and cat.

I do appologise as I didn't expect things to turn out as messed up as they have x.x

I'll let you guys know how things go later on friday once I am at my sisters house and have everything back again.

Thankyou for the support everyone has given, it means a lot to me <3

I shall inform everyone when I get better on

Kura xxx

Ok so I am moving out the beginning of February!

Long story short is I don't feel safe enough to live with my father and the route he has taken in our relationship is way out of line. Short of getting the police involved the only thing I can do is to leave so I am moving out.

I have some things to ship out but due to the situation with my father I have had to put them on hold till I can get everything sorted out. So if you are waiting on a package please wait a tiny bit longer x.x things have gone downhill v.v The day I move out my mom who is very kindly helping me with everything is graciously helping me with the shipping run too!

Things are going to be getting pretty hectic very soon! After Ayo (premade for sale soon) has been made I am starting to pack up all my things. I will have some parts for sale too (some bases, silicone paw pads, silicone noses and possibly some other things).

If anyone is interested in buying a base just note me :3 I have canine/wolf and feline/tiger 80$ each for those who are interested (it would also help in my moving efforts :3).

After everything is settled I will be jumping straight back onto Vyber and Zeig (sculpting goatness!!)

I figured I wold let everyone know the situation before I jumped!

Planned move out date is the 1st of February!

Kura xxx

I am going :3



....



.G,UYF,LTF.KIJN.LJB.,.FC,KUT.U



Yes I am excited :3



Kura xxx