A quick disclaimer... I am very scatterbrained and often difficult (that's an understatement) to follow. I'm also often in the mood for flowery story-telling, especially when it involves pouring my thoughts out on paper, or PC. If I've retained your interest this far, read on. If this doesn't sound like your particular flavor of coffee, feel free to click away...

Life has been a roller-coaster ride these last several months. For those not familiar with my situation, here's the skinny... I'm a Mechanical Engineering who quit his last job for medical reasons. In short, they were overworking me to the point of putting me in the hospital for stress-related illnesses... That said, against the STRONG behest of my father, I quit without having secured another job first. To those asking "Why didn't you find another job first?", the answer is simple: I had NO time. My day consisted of work, eat, sleep. That was LITERALLY all I had energy for. My weekends were spend cleaning up my apartment from the messes made throughout the week, and some me time at the race-kart track and sometimes watching TV, among some other unmentionables... Anything I did that was not work related, was either limited "me time" to help me re-center myself for the incoming work-week onslaught, or helping out friends locally while I was living up in the greater Dallas area...

As I began to run out of funds, my spending spiraled out of control and I put myself into some serious debt. Not as bad as it could be, but mind you, 5 figures none-the-less... After breaking down and finally allowing my father to help me by moving in with his new step-wife (we'll get to that in a paragraph) and him, I packed up and moved to greater San Antonio: my hometown. I must admit this: his offer was generous (free rent, just help out with errands and requests and whatnot), but it has come at a HEAVY price...

Firstly... the step-wife... Understand that my mother died of cancer nearly 2 years ago (January 1st, 2010). I was fortunate enough to be with her when she passed after a lengthy battle, but I suffered emotionally, quietly, for a long time. Though her death was the single greatest tragedy I have yet faced, she did leave me with a renewed and revised outlook on life: to never take life at leisure; to always make the most of what you can. I'm still struggling with living that motto every day, but it has never left my mind and never will... Anyways, the step-mom... Thru rumors and double-talkings with family and friends, I found out pops had begun dating her even when Mom had cancer (towards the end). Negating the fact that that's FUCKED up (though i do understand why he did it), it was wrong of him to do. But that's not my problem with her, though she SHOULD have said "This isn't right. We should stop and take is much slower."... My problem with her is her ignorance... She is a kind-hearted, hopeless romantic (much like me, mind you) IGNORANT woman who's sole mission in life is to live in the past... She refuses to learn new things and feels that those that do not see her way and follow the "word of God" are sinners and deserve whatever punishment she and the Lord can dish out.... I don't mind her living the way she does; everyone is entitled to; it's what makes this country great and it's every person's right to have opinions and wants and needs that are unique to them... No, what bothers me is that she IS ignorant and CHOOSES to not understand the other side of the story. Namely me and how I work. As a new mother-figure, I don't think I'm asking too much to TRY to learn me. Especially when I extend her the same courtesy I do with all new folks. I, personally, always listen to others and try my darndest to understand them. I may not agree, but I will respect their opinion and their boundaries... So long as they return the favor. Which she doesn't.

On top of dealing with a new step-mother in HER home, my father is throwing a whole new emotional wrench in my spokes... First some background on him... He's an IGNORANT, self-centered, socially-inept, specialist who follows the crowds because it "seems right" to him. Example: he bought the exact same car his new step-wife drives. Not because it's a decent car, but because he has no opinion of his own and is afraid to voice his own thoughts for fear of losing close ones around him... Again, I'm all for compromise and finding the middle ground, but when you CHOOSE to become angry when your son is trying to talk, REALLY talk to you and tell you how he feels and what's on his mind (mind you, he asks constantly "What's up son?"), there's something seriously fucked up with you as a father figure. He's always been the one to financially support the family, and nothing else. It's only recently that I've come to that realization. That said, he doesn't know how to talk to me. How to really be himself and open up, and even he sees himself as a "Dog that can't learn new tricks." Once again: willful ignorance... In a word: unacceptable. Once again, I've tried to listen to him and see his side of the story. Sadly, he's usually wrong and I am forced to point out what's actually correct. And THAT's when the sh*t hit's the proverbial fan... He can't STAND to hear the truth, either about him, or me, or my BF (yes, I came out to him last Thanksgiving and he's still dealing with that), or anything he thinks is right because "That's the way it's always been." X-( Instead of trying to see my side of the story and either consider it and respectfully work towards a solution, he shuts down and becomes angry, and bitter, and storms off and acts like a real Jackass... An appropriate use of the word, if there ever was one.

Now after getting out of the ER for stress related illness yet again ($5000 bill, BTW), I'm no closer to locating a new job, mechanical engineering or otherwise, and I'm dealing with little emotional support all around. ....
The only ray of sunshine throughout this whole process has been my wonderful, but also scatterbrained, Boyfriend. My loving Mate. The reason for all the pain I've endured and will willingly continue to put myself thru. He makes everything right. He makes me feel like no other that has come before him. He is the pinnacle of love for me. There really is no-one else out there that understand me and picks me up, and makes me feel as happy and just holding his hand *tears*. I can barely type with my eyes watering behind these sunken, baggy crows-feet I'm surely getting... But I digress, my loving mate is worth any amount of pain to me. Because I know, in the end, I will finally be able to move-in with him, and create the dream life I've always wanted. To have a wonderful, funny, caring and supporting Love to come home to every day. To have a nice, BIG home, hand-built on a large plot of land to enjoy and cultivate and nurture. To have my dream car ('95 Supra) in perfect (and HIGHLY modified, BTW) running condition, driving across the country, thru Europe, Asia, and back home, all while having my mate by my side to enjoy the views, the people, and life itself for all it's worth. That's my dream. Having and playing music is a bonus, but a side-dream that will slowly take shape among the long journey I have ahead of me...

To those of you who actually read thru my whole first LONG rant... Thank you. I hope I inspired you to dream big and never compromise those dreams. To reach for all you truly want and then use all you have to reach those dreams... Take time for yourself, and ask "What do I really want out of life? What is truly important to me? What is right and good and just? What is worth fighting for till the very end?" Find the answers and never forget why you exist in this tiny, cosmic orgasm that is the universe: To Live.

It is with a heavy heart, that I must now end my journal. Thanks again for taking the time. I wish you well on your own journey. May our paths cross one day... And a special shout-out to my dearest Love. :-* You are always in my thoughts, and you are the blood that keeps my heart pumping each day.

Peace, Love, and Music
Laeonis

Repost: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3402434/

Please read my mate's howl for help. We are in a jam and would like caring, compassionate advice per the post.

If you do not care to reply, that's just as well. , but please do re-post the journal so it can get some love from all of FA.

Thanks to all,
Laeonis

From time to time, I get messages from friends, family, and acquaintances that ask, message, PM, IM, or whatever me with some really good questions that I have a chance to open up on... This is the case here...

As a result, I've decided to let my fans and viewers get a better look into what makes me tick by letting them read some common questions and heartfelt answers to them... Impart some wisdom, if you will...

For this journal, some of my non-FA friends (yes, I know, shame on them) found out I am pan-sexual and have a mate... So naturally, one of them (we'll call my interviewer "Timothy"), had some pertinent questions he wanted answered about me and mostly about my mate  FerrisDePorta. As such, here they are.

How did you know that you would be okay with that?  [being pan-sexual]
--> I found that over time, searching in the usual places, bar scenes, etc. didn't have anyone remotely close to my personality... So I opened up to other sites that are far less known and less popular, and focused on places that shared my interests, what I like, and like to do. After much talking with various people, some testing of the proverbial waters, and lots and lots of posts, I messaged someone that shared so many of my interests and commonalities, that I wanted to get to know them better. We exchanged YIM handles and talked, literally, everyday for 3-4 months straight. Sometimes for hours on end... I'll get to the point, because I focused on looking for exactly the kind of person I'm compatible with, I not only expanded my horizons, I rebuked many long-held notions that had been instilled in me by my parents, and most of all, found someone that is exactly what I'm looking for in a mate... With one small difference. 8-)... In short, when you focus on what really makes you happy in life, you realize what really matters to you, what you can live with, live without, and what you can't live without.

You said that you met on an online site.  Did you open yourself up to that?  
If so, what made you want to?  Curious?
--> For the sake of embarrassment, I will spare the real name of the site (exoticerotics.com), *blushes* but suffice to say that it's a forum, and it's for kinky stuff. Nuff said.
I wasn't very open to online sites at first. Some of the bigger ones suck. They just suck. Others are overpriced, more crap, etc. as I mentioned before, involve yourself in forums or sites where u can meet people u wanna meet. I'm sure there are plenty of chicks that play WOW, BF3, and Bayoneta that are more than just bang-able ;)
What made me open up was finding a site that was so in tune to one of my interests. When you see something that jives with you, that you can really devote time to learning and doing, you tend to get over crappy Admins, site glitches, and worse posters and leechers. In a sense, do what u love and everything else will fall into place.

How serious is it?  [my relationship]
--> With my BF?. Very. Promise ring says it all. (stop chuckling you punk ). We met in June 2011, talked everyday till October 8th, when we met in person, have been together twice more since then (once here in DFW, and once again in Chicago for a Fur-Meet (MFF 2011)), and we message everyday, all day long. He just has sooooooo many qualities that make me and him compatible and happy, that we are both very serious about being together... Enough that we're officially together for... <edit>... 7 official months since October.

Would we meet him?  
--> Of course. He's a cool dude, you're moderately cool dudes... It could happen Nah, but seriously, of course. Don't know when, but definitely. I mean, that's the whole reason I wanted to keep you guys in the loop before my potential move for a new job... I plan on me and him working out very well, and I can't do that with a long distance relationship. I also don't wanna ditch my friends in Texas, so keeping u guys up to speed and involved is the only way I see to have both worlds still.

What does he think about you coming out?  
--> Who My BF? He's thrilled with it... Hell, I'M thrilled with how it's gone. You three are only the 4th, 5th, and 6th people to know officially. Not a one has yet to say anything negative about me coming out; every one has been super nice and super supportive the whole way thru... In my experience, that is NOT EVEN CLOSE to normal. It's usually a terrifying and horrid experience from the moment you ask "am i gay" to the moment you say similar words to parents and family, and sometimes for years afterwards. His hope is that at least someone in his family is even HALF as nice about it when he chooses to tell them. I'm here to help any way I can. Anytime. Anywhere. If he needs me there, I'm just a flight away. Honestly, in situations like this, positive words, and support are the only ways to help.

Is he completely gay?
--> Very much so. He's known for a little while. A few years more than I have. He's done some GF's some BF's, and I'm like his 3rd or 4th BF. I'll be honest and say it was a shock when we first met and "sat down" together, and it took some adjustment, but with some talk, practice, honesty and reminding each other of what it is we love about each other, we found it super easy to get along... And yes, that's a euphemism. :">

What about your dad?  He seems cool, but you never know.  
--> He was the 3rd person to find out... Well, I told him straight up. I didn't do too much detail. No tears. No fists. Just "are you happy?" "are you sure?" (saw that coming), and stuff like that. Calm, direct, short, simple, and as emotionless as possible. He took it amazing for what I know him to be... Ironically, his reaction shocked me more than I shocked him with the news. He's been taking it well lately. He asks how my BF is doing/how we're doing. He still says "I love u Son." and he still acts like dad. He just doesn't want anyone else finding out his son is gay (in his mind, there is no bi-, or pan-, or whatever; it's just gay or straight). I refuse to live in fear of others opinions. I've told all my close friends, I plan on telling anyone who asks at my new job, and anyone new I meet. Old friends, sure... If they ask. Only people I wont tell are my co-workers. I've been there 3 years and they know me as they know me; no need to curl a huge fart in the room before leaving... So to speak.

How come you never told us before?
--> Honestly, fear. Just like anyone that has or has tried to come out of the closet, it is a terrifying experience; it's hands down, the scariest thing I've ever done in my life (the very first time I told anyone: my sis). The biggest questions we have are "Will they still like/love me?" and "What will they think of me?/How has their opinion of me changed?". Understand the coming out is so tough because of self doubt. We imagine the worst thing that could happen, and then back away cuz we don't wanna risk it; risk it all for a maybe, or say nothing and change nothing; especially not the self doubt. But when you finally say it, it feels like the greatest feeling in the world (aside from an orgasm :">)... But honestly... Very, very, VERY close to it. It's a fantastic feeling to just let go and live your life normally. Happily. Without fear or shame, or self-doubt. I really am in much, much better shape, life-wise, now, than I have been in a LONG time, possibly ever.

MOST IMPORTANT: How good is he at video games?
--> Hehe... I'm glad u saved this one for last... Yes. Very much so... Not as much on the games we play since he does RP's more than anything, but trust me, he's a true gamer at heart. Even more so than me. Everything I've told you about "her" (lol ) is still true: He loves video games and could use as many new games he can get... If you do get him anything, for the time being, I recommend anything in the Jap-Eng old-school PS2 (or 360) RP's.

We'll be able to have some fun gaming sessions one day. Not soon, but soon enough.

Well that's all I got.
If it was too long to read, whatever; go sit on a dildo... If you liked my candid and heartfelt responses, and read them , then thanks, and I'm glad u did.

Oh, and that last part was just for him, Tim. We rag on each other all the time for stuff and call each other "gay"... For me, it just makes it that much funnier to bite my lip and watch him crash and burn after learning it really is true Tee hee.

To all my readers on FA, thank you for tuning in and taking the time. Sincerely.
Big Pawed Hugs to All,
Laeonis

Well the followng is a modified repost of 's earlier Meme. I answered most of it and lost it to FA reloading 8-)... Ugh... Anyways, enjoy. Figured loyal friends and fans deserve to learn a bit more about me.

We've all seen what you can do, now lets see what makes you tick :) Answer the following questions (honestly!) and share with the world who you really are. Ready? Go!

1. We all know what we call you, what about the folks at home? Whats your name?
Leo. Yes that's short for something, and no, that's all you're gonna get. I don't need Facebook or other social sites messing with my Cool-Aide. If you meet me, you just might learn my real name. To family and friends, it's Leo.
2. How tall are you?
I'm short... 5'7"... Still one of the tallest in my family tho. He he.
3. Natural hair color? (if you can remember it)
Of course... I only change it during halloween. Jet Black. It can look deep deep brown if in the right light and angles.
3. What about eye color?
Brown. Nothing special here... Wish they were deep blue... A Mexican with blue eyes... Lol
4. What orientation are you?
Pan-sexual. Omni if you prefer; gay if you don't. I love a man, and he makes me the happiest man in the world. Truth is, there's such a spectrum for sexuality, I prefer not to label myself, and neither should those who don't feel they fit into any one category. I match Omni best, so that's what I am.
5. Are you single, taken, or undecided?
Spoken for. My wonderful, loving mate: We're in a closed relationship.
6. What do you do in your spare time?
Listen to music, play guitar, play drums, sing, play video games on pretty much anything, fly r/c sometimes, work on my cars, and race go karts sometimes... I keep myself busy. And that doesn't include enjoying time with my mate (which is always ).
7. What's your job?
Manufacturing Engineer. Fancy title, crap job. Essentially, support production so we make material on-time, correctly, and as best as possible. Lotta paperwork, lotta office politics, lotta crap 8-)
8. What's one thing you like about yourself?
My personality. I find there are very, very few people in the world who can smile and carry on like I do. Optimism. It's not just a word, it's a way of life.
9. Alright, now what about something you dislike about yourself?
Oh, there's plenty. Too much to list all, but my stretch marks I don't like, my physique could be better, and my willpower could be stronger, but they're all stuff I can work on and make better.
10. What's some things your friends noticed about you when they first met you?
Humor, attention to details, spastic occasional nature, and a penchant for quoting movies and TV. Yeah, I'm a TV junkie... It's what I grew up on.
Good! Hold on, yer coming up on some deeper questions now... ready?

11. Of what faith/religion are you(if any at all?)
When I was with family, I was Catholic. We would go to church on Sundays. Now, I'm somewhere between agnostic, atheist, and deist (most of all). I believe in empiracle evidence; if there is a god, I believe he has no effect on our daily lives... We make it all happen, or not... If he/she IS up there, praying for a good test score, or a better day is pointless... We have to make it happen.
12. Do you drink?
Yes. Used to be more in College, not so much now. I don't really care for the tastes or effects. I have other drugs of choice that are better by comparison. Alcohol is still the legal way to enjoy life a little more... If I'm in the mood.
13. Do you smoke?
Yes. Cigs are more and more as o late. Stressful job. I used to smoke bud but I have to stay clean for work. I am working on quitting cigarettes but enjoy an occasional legal bud from time to time. Not the same, but it's what I have to work with.
14. What are your fears?
Used to be heights, but my friends dragged me on every coaster in Six Flags Houston, so not any more ... I still have a fear, to varying degrees, of sharks, eels, open water, drowning, spiders, some snakes, some bugs, not reaching my personal goals, failing my dearest love, and some odds and ends here and there. That's about it.
15. What are your dreams/goals?
Like most Americans, I want a loving mate, a nice home to call our own, a nice plot of land to enjoy, some friends (pets; horses, dogs, cats, and such), my dream cars (MKIV Supra and Shelby Cobra Roasdster), my family, good friends who support me, and my loving mate... Oh wait...
16. Ever had any crushes/ex's in the past/present?
Plenty. Crushes come and go, but love lasts. I can still recall my first few GF's and of course my first BF... Him i'm still with. Currently, I have no other crushes or loves. All I have is all I need; he makes me so very happy... The occasional eye candy does pop up from time to time tho
Almost done!!! Time for some lighter topics now :D

17. Who's your best bud?
Don't have many... My love is first, Ferris, followed by my long time, childhood friend, Jim, my sis, and that's about it. Most come and go, but a few always stay with you.
18. Alright, you got the cravin' for munchies, what'cha reachin' for?
Hehe. Munchies... I've been staying healthier... The Golden Rule... If it's golden, can't eat it... No fried foods. You'd be amazed how much healthier you stay, even with the munchies... Pickles, sandwiches, soups, and yogurt in particular... Cashews are also tasty tasty.
19. Favorite drink?
Slightly chilled Coca-cola. No other way to have it.
20. Favorite color?
Blue. Definetly blue. Like a deep royal, almost indigo blue... As blue as the pacific ocean.
21. If you had any super power, what would it be?
Either flight, telekinetic abilities, or mind reading... Dangerous but I'm so sensible I can handle the power without any head-rush or power-tripping. :->
22. Favorite movie?
Shawshank Redemption. Followed by Pulp Fiction, and Fight Club. Between those three, you can learn a lot about who you are.
23. Least favorite food?
Veggies. I'm getting better, but I've never enjoyed collard greens, or tubers, or such. Yuck!
24. Quick! You have only one meal left before you die!!! What is it?
Easy... A custom triple cheeseburger, dry, side of onion rings, and an ice cold, top shelf margarita from Chesters. You'll have to look up the joint for yourselves
25. What do you drive/wish you drove?. 
I enjoy a 98 Toyota Camry at the moment... A little worse for the wear but plenty good. She's still my first car... My Supra is my toy but she also needs work, and the rest you either know or have a pretty good idea... I'm a car guy... If it can be driven, gimme a helmet and some crash course instruction! XD 

Last 5 questions. You're in the homestretch, come on, you can make it! Lets see what gets under your skin.
26. Most disliked bug?
West African Cave Dwelling Spider. Yeah, it's real specific... Those things are creepy as hell... But daddy long legs are local and a bit creepy to me too.
27. Most hated pet peeves?
Sh*t... I got too many... Cleaning up after yourself, not working hard, lots of little stuff. You have to get to know me first...
28. Dislike in life.
Probably life itself. We're born, life sucks, we die. It's the way things are... What matters is what we do with that time and how much we can make the suck, suck less.
29. Most annoying?
Religious Zealots; evangelists. I hate feeling forced. That's how slavery started... I don't force my beliefs down your throat, don't do it to me. To each their own. Live, and let live... Pretty sure that IS in the Bible.

30. Most disliked TV show?
Reality TV shows without a point. Anything mind-numbing without a lesson or livelihood. Cartoons are cool, for the most part. Anything like Road Rules, Jersey Shore... Hell no... I need mental stimulation.