Take care friend on the other side, we didnt have much time to chat often but be at peace now.

Really is to stop getting sick weeks or days before my birthday, it just kills me this cursed month!
That said my buddy defenbaugh is in the same way and his is on the 19th heh.

What i doing lately, recovering from financial difficulties of losing some computers and having to rebuild
them So i can get back in to streaming abnd Doing VTubery stuff.

Projects im working on, are some SlimeVR DIY's but i need to get my 3d printers fixed the bed sagged ( Ender 5 v1)
over time from metal fatigue so i need to set up a dual axis on it.

have a wishlist i'll shamlessly share
https://www.wishlist.com/user/LainSzvahl

But with all that work that needs to be done....i must go play Cyberpunk 2077 and mod the hell out of it XD

Alot has happened, with my main comp breaking down nearly 2 months ago, tio this past week
where i lost my remaining computer in a fire at a friends place i was visiting to help them for a while.

Still trying to wrap my head around all of it yet, but slowly my brains winding down and realizing
the aftermath, we lost a whole city ( Lahaina ) and a good part op country makawao ( were i was at).

i burst thru a partially burning building to save my friends pets, but that was it couldnt take nothing else
with a hurricane passing by winds were over 80mph everything went up in flames way way to fast.
Just alittle crispy and bruised up, my legs gonna be smooth for a while, no major damage other being
singed and bruised up, right knee though is hurting like hell at the kneecap only starting just yesterday
where i hit it running thru the house.

All in all im alive but,i dont think i'll be online all too much other then borrowing a comp to do posts
and check up email and other things, i really do miss my comps, though oddly i managed to save the video
card in the main machine and found it works still, but my luck the psu died in the computer i was testing it
in so rma'd that psu, being on disablity sucks so limited money and the loss of 2 computers and a few
other things really aggravating But there isnt much i can do about it. Whole island is in survival mode.

crispy yeen needs sleep, need to do odd jobs to help rebuild my work comp to do modeling again and other work.

managed to frick mines up 3 days ago, pinched a disk and pulled all the muscles around the first several vertabraw of lower back, feels like whhen my arthritis was untreated, ultra pain and unable to move if at all, oxycodone, im living on it but my supply is limited since it was from when i broke my legs 2014 or 2016.. ugh i cant even remember anymore!

becarefull with your back!

now stop pooping on my lawn!!

Ive been doing alot of VR stuff just tinkering around with programs and settings and performance and alot of things like such, But im intersted in doing VR Sculpting/ Digital sculpting and i have hunted down several programs for such, easiest collab one is SculptVR tools alittle limited but allows for multiple people, and i guess another was REC ROOM though i got motion sickness in it which was the first since i been playing full locomotion games in vr thru my Steam stuff.

Another good one is Gravity sketch but that one more of a sketch and then Subdivide/Nurb modeling

and my Fav which still needs work is Kodon, its just like Zbrush but with also blender subdiv modeling with out the confusing everything, though maybe alittle confusing but not so much by far.

And the one thats really becomming my Favorite is Adobe Medium, mainly bnecause it has a Elastic Move tool, which i only seen in the 'Newest' Blender versions, best move tool ever in medium and blender

Though many programs dont do collaborative as im lookinmg for a tutor basically to help spark my creativity, like simple shapes and methods to do it to maybe simple animal/organic shapes that can help me fuel my brain's corrosion of 20+ years of art stump.

So if yopu know any collab VR programs like rec room or sculpt VR and use them, or know folks willing to lend a old hyena some lessons let me know it be much appreciated as i love more hands on method and being told what i might be doing wrong or what im doing great on,yeen learns better when happy and able to understand good instructions.

i'll have to update my age in my profile, ugh Birthdays,
there's litterally nothing i want other then probly new body and brain with out anxiety disorder
a dear wolf helped me with some debt so it makes life alittle easier.

and all i do is play games, but heyt im back in to playing wow lol
what makes me happy is im horde and now a fox!

I had a very strange dream started with me traveling across country, while being attacked by some wierd psycho in a wierd back country town, but eventually got to a Sea cliff side large city (like metrpolis sized ) and was with my mum, we went to a large mall that had strange Bar that had all kinds of sitting and laying space, had a very very light bdsm style theme, at some point i found myself laying down and was reading a picture book that was about Gay muscle Furries, then the room got filled up with more people eventually and i placed the book down and rolled over to one side to hide my excitement of seeing some gals in leather strap clothing, which i couldnt kep in my pants for some reason button and zipper kept getting undone, i think someone was messing with it and i wasnt seeing so i Rolled over in discomfort and there was someone laying on the floor playing with some chains while head in lap of someone, i smiled at them for some reason but i think i scared them alittle and just as they left slowly something in my head told me that was Jonesybuny, it was like a pause, but i was tolate to catch up to them, at that moment the Proprietress of this bar said 'Im glad they left more and more of them keep comming from that place they own and causing problems' and i said to her 'What are you talking about lady?' she partially ignored me due to being haughty and pulled out what i thought was a really large box of cereal that had a Dragon anthro on it which i seen art of but was being sponsered by a large company as a mascot of sort and then started talking nonsense and suddenly furry dislike, wasnt full blown hate because she allowed them in the shop out of shapeshift or costume, Which highly pissed me off,

So i asked here where 'they' came from and she said from a place across the mall called Saturday something (cant remember), it was a Building that had a Store for MLP 'Specialty' merchandise that was approved by the mlp franchise, and there was a Gathering place/resturant/hotel/massage/Remake, i told my mum im going to hang out somewhere and i'll call her laters but she didnt like that much, so i went thru the mall and got lost terribly and 2 girlsi bumped in to accidently told me where the place was cause i for some reason thought it was in the mall, so left outside towards it on a souped up Gokart that i guess i owned that i had a 900cc Ducati engine on it, got challenged by a street car but i ignored and went to the building and went thru the back entrance instead of the front to reception for some reason and there was a bunch of furs out of form or costume hanging out in a kinda ratty room but being served by a chef, i asked meekly for the way to reception one gangly fellow poped up and lead me behind a curtain which i thought was a wall but wsa strange like a visual trick, so i followed buty was lead to a small room with 2 queensize beds and thought this isnt reception cause i was told to wait here, i became adamant and asked to go to reception first, but they left fast, and i turned about and saw my Mum who seemed shorter for some reason and she's already a short lady but seemed alittle 'thicker' in body mass wearing a half fur suit arms head legs of a snow white cannine/fox critter, come to thin may not have been a suit cause of jaw and eye movement,

That person came back with a short squat blue elephant fursuiter the person said lay down we'll start but my mum interupted said we need to go to front desk first, and they listen so was finally lead to front desk where there are some shapeshifted folks behind a hotel like counter where a Vixen like herm of short stature, white with grey's black tiped ears and side black markings on muzzle, leaped over the counter and crashed in to me screaming "Lainy" and i thought to myself, how the hell they knew who i was, but it was slow motion as i fell as i saw the lobby better, as the person i was chasing previously that i recongnized as Jonesybunny in human form peeked around a corner that had stairs going up in surprize, there was a larger Black and orange vixen kinda shadowed behind the counter staring at me oddly like in disbelief, there was other furs in the room some of whom i recognize but from this point my memory is fuzzy and couldnt make out species or forms, Mum though was no where to be found and i thought to myself, i think i'll live here

i know there was more to the dream but i couldnt remember alot of it which is annoying to me cause not remembering just reminds me how bad my memory is lately with forgetting what im doing litterally with in a minute. but still was a kinda fun and strange dream even though the first part of it was actually really Violent wit hthe psycho chasing me and mum across the country, had alot of nudity content in the bars actually went to Two of them before the BDSM bar incident, though in dreams i seem to have a bad habbit of suddenly loosing my pants or clothing its REALLY embaressing but folks around me dont seem to care or even notice which is alittle annerving for some reason.

these days i seem to enjoy all my dreams in some way even if their full blown nightmares, but it doesnt scare me even though i realize its a nightmare meant o scare me? wierd.

This is a Rant about myself, dont comment if your going to just say crap like pity self, or other bs because i'll block you and probly worst down the like just to 'play' on your level of humanity.

There isnt a day that i dont feel like a burden on my family, their sanity and everything, Honestly contemplating on disapearing for a while or ever. ya so what if people get sad or angry, im just a person they'll get over it, i contribute very little other then games and some companionship online or offline, Can barely leave the house at all even to exercize getting fat and i dislike it, My Anxiety is hella worst lately. Oh and they say go exercize and do something, with what motivation and next step below can answer something else about that.

Think the bullet for tonight was being in Sack and save, annoying the family i needed to go, need a bunch of things but i guess im a hassle even though i texted them hours ago about it as i lacked low on my diabetic things. Simple things i cant do like drive to the store. But my Psoriatic arthritis is finally being treated with taltz but i have a problem that the damage caused from from my Humira suddenly not working cause of the missing month and now worked against me, Damaged my knee, in Sack and save my kneecap moved and my whole leg buckled and i went crashing to the floor, glad my face missed the wagon handles and floor, But no one was looking so only my pride was hurt alittle.

But im starting to thin, What the fuck am i doing here anymore, im just a leech of the 'system', my friends, my family, or what ever, WHAT i used to be in the past, energetic, outgoiing, physically active, Ya thats a thing of the past, i can probly attribute past boyfriends girlfriends and random folks for steering me this way before i came back to hawaii back in 2007, but the damage is done, and i just dont feel like keeping up the smile anymore.

And its noit like i can up and leave, move to a diffrent state, the trauma-ptsd i recieved back in 2014 has made it VERY clear that Airplane transits gonna be a nightmare for me, the passangers and pilots, Cars are just as almost scary, nearly 65 every panic attack ive had was in a vehicle WHILE i was driving and i saddly clearly remember all of them and the feelings i had during them. While i love living in hawaii its expensive, medical systems way good though for medication coverage , but i feel i dont want to be around any i know to save myself embaressment, pity or What the fuck ever, just want to disapear.

I dont have the capital for Treatments id like to try, like that hypno/brain therapy i heard of here on maui that has good results, dont think insurance covers that. And i rely to much on my Lorazepam, i know im not addicted to it but i dont like how it makes me feel, But there has been times i needed it while even siting at home, i become confused cloudy scared an can no longer think rationally because all i want to do is either run or rampage, gets so bad that even when i can think for a second and find my medication, I dont remember how to Take it, untill i calm down just for alittle just on the psuedo effect that someone, or i found my Anxiety meds that i can be able to rush for a drink and swallow a pill and suck on my inhaler.

Motivation or lack there of, So games usually are my motivation to keep going cause its fun, but as of late not so much, i feel irritated by things, by friends, by random salty people, that it has not been fun, my chair is falling apart and not helping with mitigating the joint stress ( im a pain pill junkie atm due to arthritis flairups, but to much pills is bad sometimes i'll just ride out the pain for a week), Been wanting to replace my desk setup with a oZone Cockpit, but stuff like that cost $$$, and i am just a leech off Dept of Treasury's ssi system, Eitherway i just dont feel like gaming online or in our Gaming Tent, But All the gamers are welcome to use the gaming tent by just droping me a text, i dont need to be there..

3D modeling passion has been sparked up again and was doing some stuff in sculptris that made it rather fun, while it is a passion, again comes the motivational factor, so many days been trying to do Zbrush learning, but i want to do it via streaming to, to chat with other artist who could probly give me tips, or users that could do the same or just chat, but i become nervous or it becomes late late at night where talking can be a issue to the household.... But i need to find the motivation its what i want to do really but it can be tough when your hormonally and chemically imbalanced.

Sigh this became a rant, getting old im up there these days hell i had a young furry flip out on me when they learned my age which was rather uncomfortable needless to say, ESPECIALLY if you've heard my crapy voice,i still sound like someone in their 19-30's not one in the 40's.. why am i still a furry? still questioning that, guess is still looking for love in the community i felt happy in since 1985.

Aloha folks im going to streaam archeage unchained cause i want to see how it is now, find me at http://www.twitch.tv/lainszvahl/ and my discord at https://discord.gg/8hmSst7
itrying to make a gaming comunity that is welcome to all and not clique based

pulled the plug and im going to give it a try, i was in the founders thing for the original one and then pay to win became all it was....
so now they removed all the pw2 stuff... im willing to give it a try again and see what devolved.

i have alot of friends on my list and im going to start removing them, Why? cause im having a bad day today and was hurt deeply by irl family so its fueling
this mood and the fact what is being said and how its being said back to me also can be a issue, Nowlately i had alot of misfortune and maybe
posting ranty stuff, so if you cant stand that remove me simple, there's a watch button on my main profile page here that you can push to unwatch!.

Ok to the main point, Steam chat, i see friends playing games, maybe i want to join them, or i havent seen them in ages or i havent talked in ages
(because im terrible at remembering or so busy) and i toss you a message saying Hello, or wow! what server are you on, what faction ,or hey can i join you?

Well some of you are nice about it and tell me please dont message me with steam chat, Which is GREAT, i'll message you with discord and a appology
... But Many of you Went on a long fucken assed tirade or sudden burst of Rage gamer Antic in some way that, i made you die or your popfucken up
for steam message Got in the way of something that made it so you couldnt see something or BLOCKED your Stream viewers from seeing something, or the
sound of the chat makes you constantly have to look at who messaged you, Well what ever the Fuck it was in your anger that you spewed at me, What? Did
your fucken brain break, that you forgot about something that you can do to stop that from happening?

ITS CALLED SETTING JERKS! have a fricken look here, just one simple setting to stop just one of those problems! https://i.imgur.com/rQbY685.png
so easy to do, OH and look there's more CHAT settings in the little GEAR THING MORE SHIT you can do to prevent popups and other sound notifcations
from happening if you JUST WANT TO PLAY a game with out being bothered! BUT Instead you decided to go Apeshit crazy at me because you lost or
now you have a repair bill or your K:D ratio was soiled, Well you know what? Dont be surprized if you no longer see me on any of your friends lists but
you treated me like i gave you COVID-9001 somehow thru internet Social non-distancing. You know whom you, all i wanted was to chat or play a game,
those Rage gaming habbits of you folks REALLY need to be checked and perhaps have some anger management classes, Stop blaming other people
for your lack of brains.

And if you feel this was directed at you folks that were nice enough to say please dont contact me with steam and for some reason support this type
of behavior but feel to nice to act it out, you can remove me too if you like, Ive said my peace.

More Sculpting and printing for a short time https://picarto.tv/LainSzvahl

Starving artist needs help for dinner tonight needs 16 bucks emrg commishes, Example of her work https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29920038/ contactable via notes please lend a hand, mahalo!

well i just fibnished my 7 days to die modding and its custom map took a while since i no graphics artist
but its ready to play soon, if your interested in playing drop me a line, instructions on how to play on the server
is at https://chaoticrealms.net/ im using my old website as a placeholder till i fix the subdomain name for it.

See this much is new i found it right here in FA's Advertisments which i usually have blocked.
But its a Post Apocalyptic Themed muck with humans 'maybe' gone and its now ran by the Animal
population, it sticks mostly to Realworld aka Earth thousands of years perhaps in to civilizations ruins
so you wont see fantasy races like elves and such. But so far its actually really nice, while its a 18+ muck
it isnt themed for all sex but it can happen i suppose.

Ive been loving playing a post apoc lost yinglet!

https://hopeisland.net/ check it out if you want to rp, the muck doesnt have alot of folks but the enviroment is really nice.

Scary because i have panic and anxiety, ptsd and agoraphobia havent left my house ( or atleast a less then 1 mile radius) of my house area, going to see a specialist for my pain and rhumathoid arthritis to see if it can be fixed or if they will attempt to chop off some limbs to do advanced damage and to 'alleviate' pain, my right hand can still move a mouse even though its locked up, i'll live in pain if i have to just to keep using my mouse...

Im looknig for someone that can make some stickering of my persona and perhaps some symbols for badges emotes and icons
hopefully not too terribly expensive but i do want some good quality and in a canvas format that i can easily change the sizes to
18px x 18px, 36px x 36px, and 72px x 72px, i guess id like the original size of the stickers to be atleast 256 or 512px to keep
the box shape to be able to change the sizes smaller. Let me know if you know anyone that make good/cuteish Hyena's and maybe a yinglet!

What makes this feel strange is i just talked to him more recently, its like my uncle all over again T.T
the procedure he had done killed him, guess the doctors at fault here really, gotta blame someone.

But either way his last journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9133178/ i heard from third party
that he passed. Sigh another good person gone.

Rest in peace  Cetas

Made a channel just for talking about all aspects of 3d printing for those that use the chat system!

Regardless of offsets i just feel like being alittle creative tonight and will try and modify an Bullseye in ways to accomadate the TH3D EZABL 18mm though their mini would be better for this,the standard size was all they had atm. Ender 5 Modding - EZABL / Bullseye modification http://www.twitch.tv/lainszvahl/

Ender 5 Modding - Adding Fan mods http://www.twitch.tv/lainszvahl/ | https://gaming.youtube.com/Vayriah | https://mixer.com/Lain808

Chatting away with folks while i mod my ender 5

Yay happy birthday to me *unenthusiastic flop* makes me 40....

Warhammer: Vermintide 2 - just starting out https://twitch.tv/lainszvahl

seeking a yinglet artist thats not scary and h as open commisions, being able to draw clothing is a plus!