Ratcult is doing a new raffle!!! come and join us

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36313471/

It seems a lovely artist by the name of ratcult is holding a lottery for art, Any of you who are intrested should stop by and take a peak,

Edit
Sorry about that guys i was alittle out of it last night heres the link

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/33314765/

So i know alot of people here on Furaffinity are in to S/M rp's and life style stuff, but i wanted to get a feel of what people would think about someone doing custom collar commisions, would you want such a thing? or do you think its a detail with really dosnt need to be worried about?

Leave a comment below please.

Work up this morning to my uncle poking his head in to my room to awake me up.

She has passed... Her pain is no more. I spent the last hour, hour and a half with the family. the funeral home just came by and picked her up. Funny thing... I thought she would never get to use the ramp i helped build but i was proven wrong today she was able to use it at lease one time.

Its painful knowing she is gone but knowing her pain is no more brings me a bitter happiness.

I thank those who have supported me in this trying time and those who keep supporting me during it.

I am still in need of help covering what has been piling up. Every little bit can help but now... im going to take some time to meditate and try and calm my self.

wow... this is just great... So my grandmother is slowly fading. It hurts me to see this happen to her, TO see such a proud woman waste away like she was nothing. I always hoped she would just pass in her sleep one day, Nothing like this... But i got some more information now not about my grandmother but my uncle, He went to the Doc last Thursday and finally told everyone over family dinner, He has the same cancer as my grandmother.

What the fuck is word with this world... why is it this is happening around me why cant i help the people around me i care about... its almost 2020. This shit should have been able to be fixed by now this, shit should not be happening...

He told us the doc thing is early enough they can cut it out but... honestly i cant take this anymore...
I dont want to have to take care of another i have cared for like this... I hope they can help him because i cant do it...

Im still collecting money to help out with the bills and the expenses that are piling up with my grandmother right now... Please any little bit will help with this, If you can find it in your heart to help out please do... I need the help now more then ever.


https://www.gofundme.com/basic-needs-big-heart
paypal=ldtorroc@yahoo.com

This past week has been hard. Grandma's mind is playing with her, Shes seeing things that are not there, Not knowing who is around her. Just his other night i had to wake up to hear the front door rattling as she was trying to get out of the house.

It pains me to see her like this, To see her mind fading. To see the Ox of a woman now a shriveled up husk.
I honestly dont know what to do right now but hold her hand and just nod my head for the time being.

As for the fundraiser im doing it seems some people may prefer to use paypal... So im going to post my paypal and my Gofundme from this point on as well. This way people can Donate how they wish...

https://www.gofundme.com/basic-needs-big-heart
paypal=ldtorroc@yahoo.com

I have to thank everyone for their kind words of support and those who have helped me in the small ways they can. For those who have give me a boost thank you as well...

As an update to my grandmother, She is not getting as sick as she has had to be running to the bathroom to vomit bit she is still have some issues. I still cant get her to eat hardly anything now. Its putting knots in my stomic because when i fix something for my self i cant stop thinking about her and her not eating.

I did make a go fund me Five days ago and i already had one person donate to help me out with what is pilling up, Thank you vary much for the help. If it keeps up things here may get a little easier for her and me.

Ill keep you guys up to date about whats going on with her thank you all for your support once again...

This is here just so people can be able to see it and support.
https://www.gofundme.com/basic-needs-big-heart

So, It has been about a month since i last wrote anything. Its lovely to see everyone so active these last couple of days, I know not many or if anyone really reads these but its starting to become a nice relief to do this.

SO about the time i wrote the last entry i was having some hard time So this is a little bit of an update on that. My grandmother is still on the decline her health is not showing improvement and she is not able to keep anything down, So at the moment i am on death watch having to watch her wither away.

I took three days off this week with the help of my aunt who took over my death watch because my Friend in Florida is getting ready to move, SO i worked a little bit of magic and scrounged up someone with a good working truck to head to Florida. It had its good times, its bad times, and times I wanted to kill the driver. This trip should have taken only 18 hrs there and 18 hrs back but it turned out it would take 2 and a half days to get from Oklahoma to Florida. So now i have my belongings again as well as my main system so i can keep my mind off my grandmother a little so it dose not weigh as heavily on me as it could.

As a side note im thinking of setting up a go fund me at the moment... With how everything is going, i do now have a job at the moment and in the area im in its slim pickings So... Why dont you guys who read this leave a comment below on what you think about that idea, Im not expecting anything big but if i can get anything it would help to getting food and other things paid for in the mean time.

Update: So i was talked in to makeing a gofundme by a freand of mine... I will be posting it here for any who wish to share. Booting would be nice becouse the more people who see it means the better chance it can get around...

https://www.gofundme.com/basic-needs-big-heart

So... I dont do this vary often but i need some kind of out source for this.

here we go...

back in December i got a call from my father, It was great to hear from him, i just spent my first year in Maryland had the best crab cakes of my life, enjoyed my time with my family and everything felt great But then the call came. My Dad called me to talk to me about something he had been meaning to tell me... My grandmother hadn't been feeling well for quite sometime, I knew this already its part of getting old, your health and quality of life declines least that's what I was always taught It turns out my grandma had been having issues for months leading up to this but she didn't think much of it but one evening my aunt had to take my mother to the hospital because the too a turn for the worst It turns out a doctor who she wasn't normal seeing saw something off about my grandmothers health and ordered a panel of tests to figure out what was wrong, all her values came back low, That is when they called in a chopper to get her to OKC After a few hours my aunt found out my grandmother had Pancreatic cancer...

I flew out the 27th of the following month at the earliest I could it had been close to 10 years since i had been in Oklahoma, My family lived here for as long as i can think back its always been home to my father's side of the family. Seeing the old sights were i have been where i have gone it was like magic Seeing how some of it had changed but then somethings had been untouched as if i was in a time machine while my uncle drove me back to Shawnee. Even here There are things that had stayed the same while some changed. The Dread mounted at this time when we drove up how did she look... what will she feeling, These questions and more flooded my mind, But as a came in i could see a much thinner version of my grandmother, I could see how the Pancreatic cancer was taking its toll on her body we sat there my uncle, aunt, grandmother and I talking about what was going on.

Come to find out the doc's told her she had already been living with it for 4 or 5 years already all of what she had been dealing with that entire time was most likely directly caused by it and that with out treatment she wouldn't last much longer it pains me to see her like this weak, this thin, I held it all in i had no choice but to do so then she told me what she wanted. She was going to do the chemo to see if it could help her any the docs told her it would ether do nothing, a slim chance of reducing the cancer so it may be operable, or it would kill her. My grandmother said if it is to kill her let it do so she dose not wish to go out like her husband who died to complications of his lungs with was most likely directly connected to undiagnosed lung cancer, he died on a respirator in his clock shop right next door to grandma's house. IF she was to go she wanted it to take her she would try and fight it but if she felt she couldn't win she told us she wished to die and not to be a burden to anyone any longer.

This... it hit me hard So when i stepped next door for the evening to let grandmother rest i sat down and for once in a long time i poured my self a tall glass of rum and drank it, braking my own rules about drinking my number 1 rule of never drinking when upset. That following monday was her its Treatment, I got up Saw my grandmother off with my aunt and waited at the house... It felt like days had passed before she had returned but 5 rolled around just as they were driving up, She was tired and wanted to rest. My aunt told me she did well but that didn't last, Over the next 2 weeks she slipped and declined she was vomiting and had the runs all the time, she couldn't keep anything at all in her system I could only watch in in silent dismay as i watched my grandmother wither in anguish from the effects of chemo.

At the end of the first two weeks of her chemo she had to be placed in the hospital, she had eaten a total of perhaps a meal and a half may be more in that two weeks with she had been able to hold down she spent a day and a half there until her vitals were normal before the hospital tried to call our family at 3am in 32 degree weather in the morning trying to get someone ot come and pick her up as they were discharging her from the hospital rather then admitting her for longer term care, When no one picked up the called a uber for her and drove her back to Shawnee. later the following day, after her next doc visit she told my aunt no more... she isnt going to go through it anymore... It hit me like a ton of bricks hearing it and then i knew i couldn't do anything, I looked for other treatments, I looked in to cbd, or even pot supplements to help her but she fuses to try any of it.

With my grandmother on medicare the is no way we could afford any of the other experimental treatments to try and help her let alone pay for the bills with will be coming after this shit storm. I have been sitting here watching the days tick by watching her as all she can do is move from her chair to her bed, watch tv or moans and groans as she throws up in her vomit bucket. Watching her slip slowly from the Ox of a woman who it took two of my uncles holding her back from beating a little tramp who showed up at a family party to the woman i see now. I know death comes for us all its a sad truth about this world, a reminder of our own mortally but i hold my tears in, I smile and laugh and act like nothing is wrong while inside I am screaming my head off, I offer my shoulder to my aunt who cry's on it when taking care of grandma grows to be too much... I do my best to be a Rock for my family to support them but its hard.

I am currently typing this all out after having gotten news from my mother finding out her mother, my other grandmother was just diagnosed with lung cancer. My heart is heavy right now... my mind foggy, and i dont know what to do I know i will do my best to be that stone for my family but there is now way my family will be able to support a blow like this... Please understand Im not asking for handouts, that im typing this begging for support for this, Or that this is some kind of scam. But me begging for help with a moment in my life when i understand i will be helpless to help two people who have brought sunlight to my entire life...

another year older, another year wiser, and another year i watch the world crumble.

Sorry for the grim start irl hasnt been great and with my birthday today im just reminded how old i am. 28 years, I have watched this world advance so far as it has and now it seems we are on the brink of loseing it all.

Cutest most adorable vuplix i have ever seen, IF you wish to bid there isnt much time left but god is she cute....

A call out and bump.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21819677/

As the title says this is my first lets ask. Ask me any thing ask me about some of my oc's, ask me about my life, ask me anything you want to know and I will try my best to awnser it!

Looks like another raffle is under way take a look here for more

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7306132/

good luck yall

Take a lookie at Dragonhuntx's page. shes a great artist, and is running a raffle at the moment. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6870414/

Ok... Im needing some help. One of my Oc's had a kid, and i need someone who's able to draw cubs to help me. Im not rich in fact im struggling right now to even meet my rent but ill make it up to someone some how if they wished to help me with getting her Daughter Drawn.

New mega raffle come and join in on the fun

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6011081/

Hay come join the raffle its huge.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6004731/

Hello everyone im looking for some free art of any of my fursona's