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I just felt like talking about her.
Posted a year agoI'm not expecting any comments, but I don't want to disable them because it feels... Mean?
Anyways, I just felt an urge to talk about my late significant other and instead of talking to my usual friends and family, I thought it would be nice to share who she was to those who want to read this and at least get a glimpse into the wonderful person that chose to let me be one who shared her heart, her bed, and her life.
Though I do write a lot of fetish content, our relationship was heavily emotional. I'm demisexual so I have to build a very very very strong emotional bond with someone before sexual intimacy came in. We started as friends, then best friends for nearly two years before it just clicked that I was in love with her.
Turns out she was waiting for me and tried to be patient. She often told me it paid off because I never made her feel insecure about the reasons for dating.
Physically, she was short. More than a head shorter than me. Hair as brown as chocolate and eyes that reminded me of a bed of vibrant moss at the base of a big old oak in the woods. So, more green than brown in her eyes. She always feel like they looked like dirt but we visited where I grew up once and I showed her the forest in the country where I explored as a child. There was a vibrantly green and thick loam of moss coating every inch near the creeks. She cried when she finally understood how much of a complement I was trying to give her and finally stopped being detracting about her appearance as often.
She was very sensitive. Emotionally and physically. Petting and scratching her head after a long day was as rewarding for me as it was for her. She often kept her hair short so it was like petting a bunny. I told her as much and that more or less became her comparison to her delight. She loved bunnies. Especially Dutch and Welsh varieties.
She was also volatile. Now before anyone might think she was crazy or aggressive. It was more like her sensitive nature would make her angry or anxious easily. She didn't act on it like many others but she would grit her teeth, growl, and/or become "energetic" about trying to express it without hurting anyone.
The exception was if you crossed her in a way that violated her personal space, hurt a friend or someone she loved dearly. She became Karma when necessary. So anger was more of a tool to her rather than a toxic fuel that hurt others in collateral damage.
She did her best never to let her feelings cause actions to hurt those who did nothing to deserve it from her.
She was emotionally dependent and clingy, while also being physically starved often for cuddles and physical intimacy (didn't have to be sexual).
I honestly loved it because I had often been considered clingy in previous relationships and it was misconstrued as me trying to get in my then partner's pants. I just love to cuddle with no strings attached and so did she.
We sometimes would put the TV on, order pizza, cuddle under a blanket, and that was the entire day and we were happy for it. My fingers and would be sore because it sometimes happened that I would pet her head for hours and not realize. No complaints. I loved putting her in a relaxed state where she'd make these cute cooing noises and nuzzle me under the chin while demanding I feed her a slice of pizza.
Even though she was short, she had a lot of plush. Not the kind where one was in excess of weight. Basically, she had a few hormonal issues that meant she had stunted development in height but thick thighs and a thin waist. Her hips weren't large but the thighs in contrast to her waist have this illusion she did. After we started dating, she had a major hormonal imbalance that caused growth she felt pretty insecure about. She gained a lot of healthy curves that apparently (according to her doctor at the time) she skipped over in her teens. Turns out she had pituitary issues that both inhibited her growth and often overcompensated later in life. I only mention this as an example of the scope but her bra size was B cup for as long as I knew her into the first year or two into our relationship. Then suddenly she went from B to H over 18 months. She didn't gain any real weight that would've accomplished that elsewhere. It was mainly just thighs and breasts.
Considering she was nowhere near used to having that, she was very cute when I complimented those parts of her. The best term I can use is Tsundere. She loved the compliment but didn't know how to respond to it so she furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. Very grumpy. Cute but grumpy.
Often, I would make dumb puns or dad jokes and she'd give me the middle finger or tell me "F@$& you!"
I'd respond with "I love you too" and usually she would blush and short circuit while trying to come up with a comeback.
I think sometimes she said that knowing I wouldn't take insult to it and expected me to show her affection in contrast. I would call her out on it, which would make her adorably flustered.
She was so kind and compassionate too. Hugs and telling each other "I love you" in every way spoken was done dozens of times a day. We would often apologize to each other for saying it within two minutes of just having said it.
Usually, (she said it first and we just both used it) our reply to the other was that we should never apologize for having thought of the other and felt the urge to express our love, no matter how often it happens. Better too often than too little.
We almost never argued. The times we actually got into what could be consider a "heated" argument was probably only twice. Once because we moved and I was get disassociated to the process, making her do more work on accident. She called me out and I corrected myself. The second was me trying to stop her from giving money to what I thought was a scam. It was but I had to acquiesce that it was her money and if it turned out that way, she'd have to figure that out. This was early on and we were financially independent from one another so thankfully not the end of the world then. But she promised after to be more cautious.
Suffice it to say we were very communicative. We loved talking to each other. We didn't have everything in common but that mattered little. Example, she loved rap music and I detest it. She was kind enough to not blast it but I didn't make her never listen to it while I was around. I developed some very rare exceptions and turns out I like Eminem well enough. Lol.
She loved dressing in very large and comfy clothes. I didn't really wear hoodies but she would buy them for me and then take them for herself. It was rather cute. She'd walk around the house on a fall day and wear a hoodie that was a men's XXL (not my size but with hoodies it's better to go bigger in both our opinions). The thing was like she was wearing a mini tent.
I guess I had a lot to do with helping her self esteem and body confidence because she never wore things that showed off her curves before we dated. After a couple years of dating, she loved putting on anything that showed off her thighs, which I was obsessed with. I didn't realize for a while how much my little random compliments and affections helped her in that regard but she told me in our later years dating/engaged/married that I was almost solely responsible for helping her love herself, in both body and soul.
I don't feel like I did that much but I know it's not always about the big things you say but all the little things you say and do. I would often lie in her lap and stroke her thighs while telling her she was soft. We'd rest our forehead on each other and gaze into each other's eyes while I commented on how much beautiful green was in hers.
There was even this one time I think I broke her. We were having a fun time talking and throwing quips at one another. She told me jokingly to "kiss my ass". I literally did that and neither of us could stop laughing for a few minutes.
I've kinda lost my stream of thought on this so I'll post and maybe continue another time. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Anyways, I just felt an urge to talk about my late significant other and instead of talking to my usual friends and family, I thought it would be nice to share who she was to those who want to read this and at least get a glimpse into the wonderful person that chose to let me be one who shared her heart, her bed, and her life.
Though I do write a lot of fetish content, our relationship was heavily emotional. I'm demisexual so I have to build a very very very strong emotional bond with someone before sexual intimacy came in. We started as friends, then best friends for nearly two years before it just clicked that I was in love with her.
Turns out she was waiting for me and tried to be patient. She often told me it paid off because I never made her feel insecure about the reasons for dating.
Physically, she was short. More than a head shorter than me. Hair as brown as chocolate and eyes that reminded me of a bed of vibrant moss at the base of a big old oak in the woods. So, more green than brown in her eyes. She always feel like they looked like dirt but we visited where I grew up once and I showed her the forest in the country where I explored as a child. There was a vibrantly green and thick loam of moss coating every inch near the creeks. She cried when she finally understood how much of a complement I was trying to give her and finally stopped being detracting about her appearance as often.
She was very sensitive. Emotionally and physically. Petting and scratching her head after a long day was as rewarding for me as it was for her. She often kept her hair short so it was like petting a bunny. I told her as much and that more or less became her comparison to her delight. She loved bunnies. Especially Dutch and Welsh varieties.
She was also volatile. Now before anyone might think she was crazy or aggressive. It was more like her sensitive nature would make her angry or anxious easily. She didn't act on it like many others but she would grit her teeth, growl, and/or become "energetic" about trying to express it without hurting anyone.
The exception was if you crossed her in a way that violated her personal space, hurt a friend or someone she loved dearly. She became Karma when necessary. So anger was more of a tool to her rather than a toxic fuel that hurt others in collateral damage.
She did her best never to let her feelings cause actions to hurt those who did nothing to deserve it from her.
She was emotionally dependent and clingy, while also being physically starved often for cuddles and physical intimacy (didn't have to be sexual).
I honestly loved it because I had often been considered clingy in previous relationships and it was misconstrued as me trying to get in my then partner's pants. I just love to cuddle with no strings attached and so did she.
We sometimes would put the TV on, order pizza, cuddle under a blanket, and that was the entire day and we were happy for it. My fingers and would be sore because it sometimes happened that I would pet her head for hours and not realize. No complaints. I loved putting her in a relaxed state where she'd make these cute cooing noises and nuzzle me under the chin while demanding I feed her a slice of pizza.
Even though she was short, she had a lot of plush. Not the kind where one was in excess of weight. Basically, she had a few hormonal issues that meant she had stunted development in height but thick thighs and a thin waist. Her hips weren't large but the thighs in contrast to her waist have this illusion she did. After we started dating, she had a major hormonal imbalance that caused growth she felt pretty insecure about. She gained a lot of healthy curves that apparently (according to her doctor at the time) she skipped over in her teens. Turns out she had pituitary issues that both inhibited her growth and often overcompensated later in life. I only mention this as an example of the scope but her bra size was B cup for as long as I knew her into the first year or two into our relationship. Then suddenly she went from B to H over 18 months. She didn't gain any real weight that would've accomplished that elsewhere. It was mainly just thighs and breasts.
Considering she was nowhere near used to having that, she was very cute when I complimented those parts of her. The best term I can use is Tsundere. She loved the compliment but didn't know how to respond to it so she furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. Very grumpy. Cute but grumpy.
Often, I would make dumb puns or dad jokes and she'd give me the middle finger or tell me "F@$& you!"
I'd respond with "I love you too" and usually she would blush and short circuit while trying to come up with a comeback.
I think sometimes she said that knowing I wouldn't take insult to it and expected me to show her affection in contrast. I would call her out on it, which would make her adorably flustered.
She was so kind and compassionate too. Hugs and telling each other "I love you" in every way spoken was done dozens of times a day. We would often apologize to each other for saying it within two minutes of just having said it.
Usually, (she said it first and we just both used it) our reply to the other was that we should never apologize for having thought of the other and felt the urge to express our love, no matter how often it happens. Better too often than too little.
We almost never argued. The times we actually got into what could be consider a "heated" argument was probably only twice. Once because we moved and I was get disassociated to the process, making her do more work on accident. She called me out and I corrected myself. The second was me trying to stop her from giving money to what I thought was a scam. It was but I had to acquiesce that it was her money and if it turned out that way, she'd have to figure that out. This was early on and we were financially independent from one another so thankfully not the end of the world then. But she promised after to be more cautious.
Suffice it to say we were very communicative. We loved talking to each other. We didn't have everything in common but that mattered little. Example, she loved rap music and I detest it. She was kind enough to not blast it but I didn't make her never listen to it while I was around. I developed some very rare exceptions and turns out I like Eminem well enough. Lol.
She loved dressing in very large and comfy clothes. I didn't really wear hoodies but she would buy them for me and then take them for herself. It was rather cute. She'd walk around the house on a fall day and wear a hoodie that was a men's XXL (not my size but with hoodies it's better to go bigger in both our opinions). The thing was like she was wearing a mini tent.
I guess I had a lot to do with helping her self esteem and body confidence because she never wore things that showed off her curves before we dated. After a couple years of dating, she loved putting on anything that showed off her thighs, which I was obsessed with. I didn't realize for a while how much my little random compliments and affections helped her in that regard but she told me in our later years dating/engaged/married that I was almost solely responsible for helping her love herself, in both body and soul.
I don't feel like I did that much but I know it's not always about the big things you say but all the little things you say and do. I would often lie in her lap and stroke her thighs while telling her she was soft. We'd rest our forehead on each other and gaze into each other's eyes while I commented on how much beautiful green was in hers.
There was even this one time I think I broke her. We were having a fun time talking and throwing quips at one another. She told me jokingly to "kiss my ass". I literally did that and neither of us could stop laughing for a few minutes.
I've kinda lost my stream of thought on this so I'll post and maybe continue another time. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Looking for understanding on a curiosity.
Posted a year agoNow I'm not really ready to keep posting again, but when I am, I had a curiosity I wanted advice on.
Basically, my OCs in some small or large part are based on facets of my personality and my late wife.
I know (because we talked about so many things at length, especially as her life was coming to an end) that she never minded being based on for my characters. In fact she loved my writings, whether sexually inclined or not. I even wrote her short stories all the time for fun that ranged from totally innocent PG to full X rating.
My curiosity is whether any of those following my stuff have reservations or consider it in bad taste to keep posting stuff of that nature in light of the fact it's based on someone who is gone.
I'd like to think certain things I write and post will respect my favorite parts of her personality. But I'm very.... Inept at understanding other people's opinion on this unless clearly stated.
Basically, my OCs in some small or large part are based on facets of my personality and my late wife.
I know (because we talked about so many things at length, especially as her life was coming to an end) that she never minded being based on for my characters. In fact she loved my writings, whether sexually inclined or not. I even wrote her short stories all the time for fun that ranged from totally innocent PG to full X rating.
My curiosity is whether any of those following my stuff have reservations or consider it in bad taste to keep posting stuff of that nature in light of the fact it's based on someone who is gone.
I'd like to think certain things I write and post will respect my favorite parts of her personality. But I'm very.... Inept at understanding other people's opinion on this unless clearly stated.
Update long time coming.
Posted a year agoI don't know if this is warranted or if anyone still looks at my page enough for this to matter. But here we go.
I've not been posting due to things in my life kept me from here. The biggest thing being... My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in 2022. She fought like hell and we spent what time she had left trying to make every moment count.
As of Christmas a couple weeks ago though... Her long fight was over. She's no longer in pain and at rest.
I've not been posting due to things in my life kept me from here. The biggest thing being... My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in 2022. She fought like hell and we spent what time she had left trying to make every moment count.
As of Christmas a couple weeks ago though... Her long fight was over. She's no longer in pain and at rest.
Slight delay
Posted 5 years agoFor those that actually read these things... Lol.
Anyways, forgive my lack of updating today, both for "one in the chamber" and the NNN Aftermath stuff.
I am sick with a fever, dizziness, extreme light sensitivity. Etc. Yatta.
Nothing major, but obviously hard to look at a screen for long. I'll update as soon as I can but just in case there's confusion... There's the reason.
Anyways, forgive my lack of updating today, both for "one in the chamber" and the NNN Aftermath stuff.
I am sick with a fever, dizziness, extreme light sensitivity. Etc. Yatta.
Nothing major, but obviously hard to look at a screen for long. I'll update as soon as I can but just in case there's confusion... There's the reason.
In progress!
Posted 5 years ago
Sorry for the sporadic lack of content postage and snippet/story stuff.
Working on getting back into the groove of it.
Lots of drama in my personal life but it's getting a bit under control recently.
Hopefully, that means you guys get another Fitting In chapter, more stories with art of all my characters current, two new Ice Cream OCs I hope to introduce, AND a new story series I've been working on with a Size Theft theme to it.
Raffle from a lovely artist
Posted 5 years agoCurious Question for all
Posted 5 years agoThis isn't really a rant or trying to angrily criticize those who do this, but just wondering who else notices this...
Patreon is great for content creators in many ways. Throw a dollar or two someone's way per month, with enough patrons, and you pay a few bills.
However... I've noticed an increasing number of people who do a raffle through a specific tier to even have a chance at getting commissions...
The average I feel is around 5 dollars. So that's not so bad... But i could be unlucky for months when considering the other numerous patrons. And this isn't even for free art... Most of what i mean is for the chance at a commission slot, let's pretend you're going to shell out 50-100 dollars ish.
NOW...Let's pretend you don't want to depend on the luck of getting a slot from that one creator. You choose to support many. Let's go with a dozen you want art from. All of them only accept commissions through raffled slots in patreon tiers.
That's 60a month. Not for a com... But the chance to get ONE of them to take your com, providing you pay more.
I'm not knocking any of them for doing this.
But I'm wondering has anyone thought...
"If I subscribe as they want but to all these creators... And i don't get any slots for months, what did my hundreds of dollars in Commission budget get me?"
Patreon is great for content creators in many ways. Throw a dollar or two someone's way per month, with enough patrons, and you pay a few bills.
However... I've noticed an increasing number of people who do a raffle through a specific tier to even have a chance at getting commissions...
The average I feel is around 5 dollars. So that's not so bad... But i could be unlucky for months when considering the other numerous patrons. And this isn't even for free art... Most of what i mean is for the chance at a commission slot, let's pretend you're going to shell out 50-100 dollars ish.
NOW...Let's pretend you don't want to depend on the luck of getting a slot from that one creator. You choose to support many. Let's go with a dozen you want art from. All of them only accept commissions through raffled slots in patreon tiers.
That's 60a month. Not for a com... But the chance to get ONE of them to take your com, providing you pay more.
I'm not knocking any of them for doing this.
But I'm wondering has anyone thought...
"If I subscribe as they want but to all these creators... And i don't get any slots for months, what did my hundreds of dollars in Commission budget get me?"
Raffle adopt (not mine)
Posted 5 years agoHere's some raffle adopts from a good artist.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36061836/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36061781/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36061836/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36061781/
Ask me stuff!
Posted 5 years agoI'm seeing people do these and I'm curious what questions will be asked.
Go fur it.
Ask me all kinds of weird, normal, or abstract questions and I'll do my best to answer.
XD
Go fur it.
Ask me all kinds of weird, normal, or abstract questions and I'll do my best to answer.
XD
Cute and inexpensive adopts!
Posted 5 years agoI've been looking around for adopts recently to match a few future characters I want (as well as nabbing cute ones) and though i can't adopt them all.... There are so many other adopts from some artists that I feel should have a little more attention.
Here's a few with wonderful adopts at reasonable prices for those looking to find cute characters.
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....xyqueenadopts/
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/lowkey-adopts/
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/cakecarrot/
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....ndedpigeonleg/
Here's a few with wonderful adopts at reasonable prices for those looking to find cute characters.
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....xyqueenadopts/
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/lowkey-adopts/
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/cakecarrot/
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....ndedpigeonleg/
Cute YCH Valentine's raffle!
Posted 5 years agoFuture Commissions Pawsibility
Posted 6 years ago SO.... questions for some of you that care to answer.
I'm considering doing some sort of writing commissions in a limited capacity.
Basically I imagine I would do things like snippets (Like what I've done for my commissioned pieces from artists) for those that provide me pics they would like a small story to. Nothing overly intensive, as I would like to keep focusing on my own content too, but I've had some light inquiries and have thought about it.
I won't deny I need money, but I also can't deny I'm none too confident what people would expect in that capacity.
Anyone have advice or a perspective of what they would do or ask for if I happened to open that up?
Also keep in mind that I am straight. I would be willing to write things for same-sex pieces but only in an SFW capacity. I would also have a list of Do and Don't but I'll come up with that for later. My main concern is gaining expectations of what people would like in a snippet about a piece of art. Artist Raffle
Posted 6 years agoAn artist I follow is having an art raffle!
Try for it if you want. XD
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/32632979/
Try for it if you want. XD
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/32632979/
Artist in need
Posted 6 years agoNo idea how many people that watch me are interested in my journals, but here I go.
There's an artist I've recently commissioned a sketch from and they are trying to meet a quota for reasons in the link following.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/32492871/
They're 45 dollars a sketch and their art looks really neat. XD
If you want to take a peek, feel free.
There's an artist I've recently commissioned a sketch from and they are trying to meet a quota for reasons in the link following.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/32492871/
They're 45 dollars a sketch and their art looks really neat. XD
If you want to take a peek, feel free.
Ice Cream OCs
Posted 6 years agoI've been doing a little side project to my Fitting In stuff.
Making lengthy chapters is no small order, but I've come up with a fun way to both provide content consistently and save my schedule from being crammed with writing a 5k to 10k word update to my main story.
Thus... I have created a series of snippet stories within my Fitting In universe but focused on a number of OCs that are inspired by ice cream flavors.
Basically I would post little pieces of art with them and a short story snippet to accompany the post. (that's providing I can get a piece done for each specific idea, both SFW and NSFW.)
I'm both making this journal to gauge others interest and intrigue in this, as well as make sure to mention that this wouldn't distract or detract from my Fitting In series. Gina and Jynx are my originals and will always be my favs. XD
Technically, I've already got some art in this theme, but I'm making the backstory and snippets to post with.
A little exposition though...
Ice Cream OC origins:
The aforementioned people are anthro mammals in the Fitting In universe, all of which at some point took part in a drug trial for a fertility med. The firm that dispensed the meds had good intentions but a few bad apples were bribed by an unknown third party to switch the inventory of quite a few trial participants with an untested gene mod in drug form.
The results ended up giving a group of mammals more bovine features, becoming hybrids of their original species influence. It also appeared that the mod was supposed to change certain bodily fluids to become flavored. for what? it was hard to assume as the company that bribed the drug trial firm went dark and disappeared.
The firm that was bribed went bankrupt from lawsuits, of which the settlements went to the victims of this incident, their lives altered in strange ways.
Two of these victims that will be the main two of the whole group and probably overtake the bulk of the snippets I present... are Pollie the bunny/cow (Neapolitan Ice Cream) and Rip the lion/bull (Fudge Ripple).
There are others, based upon ice cream flavors and named accordingly, to be revealed.
Mint Chocolate, Blue Moon, Sherbet, Banana Split, Butter Pecan, Maple Nut, etc. etc.
I look forward to providing snippets (hopefully with art) for all of them and their adventures.
While I don't like to pretend I'm good, great, or grand at making stories, I would love to know what others think of this venture I plan to take with them and the concept overall. Yes... I probably detail it too much... but I'm meticulous. lol. I like giving more sense than "because magic" when writing stuff as odd as this.
Making lengthy chapters is no small order, but I've come up with a fun way to both provide content consistently and save my schedule from being crammed with writing a 5k to 10k word update to my main story.
Thus... I have created a series of snippet stories within my Fitting In universe but focused on a number of OCs that are inspired by ice cream flavors.
Basically I would post little pieces of art with them and a short story snippet to accompany the post. (that's providing I can get a piece done for each specific idea, both SFW and NSFW.)
I'm both making this journal to gauge others interest and intrigue in this, as well as make sure to mention that this wouldn't distract or detract from my Fitting In series. Gina and Jynx are my originals and will always be my favs. XD
Technically, I've already got some art in this theme, but I'm making the backstory and snippets to post with.
A little exposition though...
Ice Cream OC origins:
The aforementioned people are anthro mammals in the Fitting In universe, all of which at some point took part in a drug trial for a fertility med. The firm that dispensed the meds had good intentions but a few bad apples were bribed by an unknown third party to switch the inventory of quite a few trial participants with an untested gene mod in drug form.
The results ended up giving a group of mammals more bovine features, becoming hybrids of their original species influence. It also appeared that the mod was supposed to change certain bodily fluids to become flavored. for what? it was hard to assume as the company that bribed the drug trial firm went dark and disappeared.
The firm that was bribed went bankrupt from lawsuits, of which the settlements went to the victims of this incident, their lives altered in strange ways.
Two of these victims that will be the main two of the whole group and probably overtake the bulk of the snippets I present... are Pollie the bunny/cow (Neapolitan Ice Cream) and Rip the lion/bull (Fudge Ripple).
There are others, based upon ice cream flavors and named accordingly, to be revealed.
Mint Chocolate, Blue Moon, Sherbet, Banana Split, Butter Pecan, Maple Nut, etc. etc.
I look forward to providing snippets (hopefully with art) for all of them and their adventures.
While I don't like to pretend I'm good, great, or grand at making stories, I would love to know what others think of this venture I plan to take with them and the concept overall. Yes... I probably detail it too much... but I'm meticulous. lol. I like giving more sense than "because magic" when writing stuff as odd as this.
Raffle.
Posted 6 years agoIt's not mine but for someone doing a Ref sheet raffle. Looks pretty detailed too.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31003532/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31003532/
