I'm sorry about today. My uhh... "demons" were taking over today, but feeling somewhat more stable now.

Turned 33 today, but as always, feeling completely alone and abandoned. Oh well. I guess it's deserved.

Was hoping not to post a journal like this but....
I have not been doing okay. At all. For a few years now, anxiety and depression have been relentlessly skyrocketing. I used to be able to mask my depression well enough to manage. But now it's at that point I feel like I'm just turning everyone against me or feeling like I just don't exist at all. And I don't message anybody, cause that's where the anxiety kicks in. Currently, I'm at the point of thinking about leaving the community, never to return. Even though I know I won't feel any better. Sticking around feels like it's no better than being alone. I'm tired of feeling like this. Tired of feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Tired of my own empty personality. And tired of feeling like a burden on everyone. In addition, it's been really hard to focus on drawing or enjoying anything. I don't know what to do. Anxiety makes it impossible for me to talk to anyone about this.

Here's to another event of me not posting diddly squat, because ADHD is an insurmountable cunt... ;w;

I just realized I never posted anything in 2024, at least not here. First time I haven't posted anything for a year... I should really post stuff, even if i don't intend to finish.

I think drawing is starting to become a detriment to my mental health. Anytime i think about drawing for myself, I just think of how limited my capabilities are, and I don't have much of a reason to do it other than for NSFW purposes. When i draw for others, I'm putting alot of pressure on myself, and constantly worrying about the quality. I make too many careless mistakes, due to the severity of my ADHD. I've been on meds for it, but it doesn't really help much. So, I'm not really sure what to do. I don't have many interests outside that...

I got burned out more quickly than i though. but to those I'm still negotiating with, I'll still see what i can do when i get the energy for it.

These will not be a first come first serve basis. but i will take requests, in an effort to push out this art block. feel free to shoot me a DM, just don't take it personally, if i don't accept it. I can be open for art trades too.

Since I'm hearing you-know-who is destroying twitter even more, yet again, click here to find my bluesky. Probably gonna remove my twitter link.

Guys, I'm sorry I haven't been active here at all this year. lots of things happening. Not too many people message me much anymore, and when they do, I don't know what to do or say to keep the conversation going. Mental deterioration, I've been getting more and more depressed when my dad lashes out at me. He lost his job last week, so I've been worrying about the future... I really don't want to take any comms for this, because well, for one thing, motivation is highly unstable, so it could be months before i even get to ONE.

Someone recently got into my telegram and now i'm permanently banned from it. So this journal is just to let those know why I'm not there anymore.

TLDR; I can no longer access fan controls, which means this thing is gonna fry much faster. I definitely can't play games on this now, but im hoping it'll stay less than 80 while drawing.


I really don't know what to charge for my comms because i don't want to over or undercharge.

Having a bit of financial issues, and pc issues. My graphics card is starting to go on my laptop so i really need to start doing something. i dont really have a price sheet though, so idk what i should do. x.x

Lately motivation has been very inconsistent and I'm simply too picky with what I'll draw. If i don't feel like I'm interested enough, I'll just procrastinate for a long time.

Just a reminder, i'm open for sketch comms. you can check out the journal here. I might even doing colored sketches for $20

Opening another few slots.
$30 being if you want a shaded sketch. $15 for a simple clean sketch. At the moment, i'd prefer to draw males. DM me here, or wherever, if you're interested.

3 slots available.


1:

2:

3:

Hey guys. I'm opening up a couple $15 sketch commission.s if your interested, feel free to DM me here, discord or telegram.

I thought i'd be able to get through a birthday without being depressed, but nope. My dad knows how to destroy one's self esteem, so now i likely won't be online tomorrow or doing anything but stay in bed depressed... Oh well, i guess i don't deserve happiness.

Sorry, I wasn't feeling too inspired or motivated this month.

Please check out this journal.
As for what i will/will not draw, that's negotiable. Once again, taking 2 slots.

Hi guys! I know I haven't been posting alot, but i'd like to start, by taking sketch commissions. To start, in an attempt to work on my motivation, i'll be doing single characters, SFW/NSFW.

2 slots for now, to start with.

We've finally moved into our new house and got our internet and stuff hooked up. Pretty soon, i'll be more consistently active, just gotta unpack alot of things and settle down a bit.

I know im not so active here as much, but i thought i'd let you know, I'm moving this week we got our first home, and im going to, for the first time, have my own room. I'll be able to try to be more socially active, hopefully.

https://picarto.tv/LegendTheDragon
doing a little more animating today

Do you ever feel like you've grown out of someone's artstyle. Like, you loved it before but it just doesn't do anything for you anymore?