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Mushrooms
Posted 16 years agoFirst off: NO, you drug addicted people! Not those mushrooms!
This actually happened years ago but the story is too stupid for me not to post so I'm finally getting around to it. Yay, go me!...Anyways.
We just got new tile at our house. I don't know why, it's dangerous for socks and fucking FREEZING in the winter. But whatever, we have it and I guess it looks nice. But my parents are obsessed with it. You can't walk on it without my mom going "BE CAREFUL NOT TO MESS UP THE TILE!!" Oy.
I forget why but I went to get something out of the pantry. Probably a Rice Krispies treat because those things are the shit. But there was a jar of mushrooms sitting on the edge of the shelf, I accidentally knocked it, crash bang smash, glass goes everywhere. Unlucky me wasn't wearing any shoes so I have fungus covered glass shard embedded in my foot now and my mom comes running into the kitchen to see what happened. Now, you'd think that if you saw your daughter surrounded by glass and mushrooms with blood dripping from her foot that you would be worried, right? Well, she was worried...about the fucking TILE!! Seriously, I can't make this shit up. She looked right at me and went "YOU'RE BLEEDING ON THE TILE! YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN IT!!"
............................SERIOUSLY?! Oh, sorry mom. Let me hobble off and bleed somewhere else then. How about on your pretty new white sheets. >:C
Needless to say, the tile was fine, I have six scars on the bottom of my foot and I now loathe mushrooms with a passion.
This actually happened years ago but the story is too stupid for me not to post so I'm finally getting around to it. Yay, go me!...Anyways.
We just got new tile at our house. I don't know why, it's dangerous for socks and fucking FREEZING in the winter. But whatever, we have it and I guess it looks nice. But my parents are obsessed with it. You can't walk on it without my mom going "BE CAREFUL NOT TO MESS UP THE TILE!!" Oy.
I forget why but I went to get something out of the pantry. Probably a Rice Krispies treat because those things are the shit. But there was a jar of mushrooms sitting on the edge of the shelf, I accidentally knocked it, crash bang smash, glass goes everywhere. Unlucky me wasn't wearing any shoes so I have fungus covered glass shard embedded in my foot now and my mom comes running into the kitchen to see what happened. Now, you'd think that if you saw your daughter surrounded by glass and mushrooms with blood dripping from her foot that you would be worried, right? Well, she was worried...about the fucking TILE!! Seriously, I can't make this shit up. She looked right at me and went "YOU'RE BLEEDING ON THE TILE! YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN IT!!"
............................SERIOUSLY?! Oh, sorry mom. Let me hobble off and bleed somewhere else then. How about on your pretty new white sheets. >:C
Needless to say, the tile was fine, I have six scars on the bottom of my foot and I now loathe mushrooms with a passion.
Lollipops, Rainstorms and the Internet
Posted 17 years agoOk, so despite the title this actually has nothing to do with lollipops.
But it does have everything to do with rainstorms, the internet and why I want them both to spontaneously combust into millions of tiny little particles and then get sucked up in a Texas twister!!
Lets start off with rainstorms. Now, when if I'm in the mood for sleep they're the best thing in the world. Knock my right out. But if I'm awake, God help the storm that decides it wants to come rolling in. They're just so...so....there's not a word in any language that I know for them but if I think of one, I'll throw it in here. I probably wouldn't mind so much if I didn't live in the middle of ******* nowhere where if someone farts the power goes out. ( Seriously, my sister sneezed one day and the power was out for 2 hours. ) So of course when I woke up this morning it was all "Fwoosh, bang, flash, bang, flash, loads of rain and all that jazz!!" and I was just like "....shite. ~_~" Now you're probably all sitting there going, "Ok, it was raining. Big whoop, what does that have to do with anything?" Just hold on to your britches, I'm getting there.
Ok, so we've established that it was all "Rawr, storm!!" this morning.
Now we move onto the Internet. Normally I love the internet. The internet is everyone's best friends. It allows us to talk to people and do all our shopping without even having to get off our fat, lazy asses. Who needs to go out and "communicate" when we can just sit in a comfy chair and surf the web right? Right. But Mister Rainstorm would like to say a few words to us.
Here's a little skit our two friends came up with:
Internet- Oh what a lovely day this is with the sun out and shining and the data flowing past in the non-existent cyberworld breeze. I think I shall play World of Warcraft today (God, I hate that too but that's a rant for another day.
)
Rainstorm- *jumps out from behind a pillar of data* Muahahaha! Where do you think you're going my dear?! *crash bang boom fwoosh!* >:)
Internet- Oh no! A rainstorm! Whatever shall I do?! D: *thinks at 2 Mbps because it's been frightened out of it's cyber whits* Oh, I know.
Maybe if I go extra slow the storm will leave me alone! :D
Rainstorm- Not on your life small-fry.
*CRASH BANG!*
And here comes the part that reminds me of those satellite tv commercials. You know, the ones where the guy is dressed up like a satellite dish and a storm comes and he runs away screaming? Yea, those.
Internet- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *drops dead right where it was standing never to be ressurected...or at least not until the storm goes away* x3x
Rainstorm- Muahaha!! Victory is mine!! >:D *runs off to terrorize other peoples internets as well until it has conquered the world!*
So there you have it. This is why we can't just sit around and be lazy. Rainstorms! The terror of the entire internet race, scaring the poor little things right out of the digital pants! So what can we do about these terrors of the weather? Nothing, humans can't control the weather. What a silly idea. I can't believe you even thought of that idea, silly silly person. All we can do is get pissed and then come on MySpace and proceed to make everyone waste their time reading a three page rant. But hey, if you made it this far there is a prize for you.
You all get those lollipops I mentioned in the title!! :)
.
..
...
Ok, no one gets lollipops. I just wanted to get your hopes up.
Haha!! Go home now!
But it does have everything to do with rainstorms, the internet and why I want them both to spontaneously combust into millions of tiny little particles and then get sucked up in a Texas twister!!
Lets start off with rainstorms. Now, when if I'm in the mood for sleep they're the best thing in the world. Knock my right out. But if I'm awake, God help the storm that decides it wants to come rolling in. They're just so...so....there's not a word in any language that I know for them but if I think of one, I'll throw it in here. I probably wouldn't mind so much if I didn't live in the middle of ******* nowhere where if someone farts the power goes out. ( Seriously, my sister sneezed one day and the power was out for 2 hours. ) So of course when I woke up this morning it was all "Fwoosh, bang, flash, bang, flash, loads of rain and all that jazz!!" and I was just like "....shite. ~_~" Now you're probably all sitting there going, "Ok, it was raining. Big whoop, what does that have to do with anything?" Just hold on to your britches, I'm getting there.
Ok, so we've established that it was all "Rawr, storm!!" this morning.
Now we move onto the Internet. Normally I love the internet. The internet is everyone's best friends. It allows us to talk to people and do all our shopping without even having to get off our fat, lazy asses. Who needs to go out and "communicate" when we can just sit in a comfy chair and surf the web right? Right. But Mister Rainstorm would like to say a few words to us.
Here's a little skit our two friends came up with:
Internet- Oh what a lovely day this is with the sun out and shining and the data flowing past in the non-existent cyberworld breeze. I think I shall play World of Warcraft today (God, I hate that too but that's a rant for another day.
)
Rainstorm- *jumps out from behind a pillar of data* Muahahaha! Where do you think you're going my dear?! *crash bang boom fwoosh!* >:)
Internet- Oh no! A rainstorm! Whatever shall I do?! D: *thinks at 2 Mbps because it's been frightened out of it's cyber whits* Oh, I know.
Maybe if I go extra slow the storm will leave me alone! :D
Rainstorm- Not on your life small-fry.
*CRASH BANG!*
And here comes the part that reminds me of those satellite tv commercials. You know, the ones where the guy is dressed up like a satellite dish and a storm comes and he runs away screaming? Yea, those.
Internet- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *drops dead right where it was standing never to be ressurected...or at least not until the storm goes away* x3x
Rainstorm- Muahaha!! Victory is mine!! >:D *runs off to terrorize other peoples internets as well until it has conquered the world!*
So there you have it. This is why we can't just sit around and be lazy. Rainstorms! The terror of the entire internet race, scaring the poor little things right out of the digital pants! So what can we do about these terrors of the weather? Nothing, humans can't control the weather. What a silly idea. I can't believe you even thought of that idea, silly silly person. All we can do is get pissed and then come on MySpace and proceed to make everyone waste their time reading a three page rant. But hey, if you made it this far there is a prize for you.
You all get those lollipops I mentioned in the title!! :)
.
..
...
Ok, no one gets lollipops. I just wanted to get your hopes up.
Haha!! Go home now!
