Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again but this time around, I'll be monitoring them a bit more closely as they come in, and picking the first 6 that seem the most compatible. After that, I'll be closing the submission forms until next time. This is just a preliminary measure as I get back into the swing of things. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

Thanks, and be kind and understanding to each other.

Hello everyone!

Thank you all so much for all of your inquiries last opening. I was greatly humbled by how many there were; I didn't expect so many and I certainly wasn't ready to pick just a handful of some of the great prompts out there.

I just wanted to apologize to those of you who are still waiting on your commissions. I'm sorry I wasn't able to get to them in a more timely manner like you might be used to. This month had a lot of outside factors interfering with my drawing schedule, and paired with trying new things here and there, the work has been taking much longer than usual to do.

I only always want to do my best, and currently I'm not capable of that. I've got myself into trouble and I'll have to have a maintenance period for a week or so. I don't want to get commissions done for the sake of it; I want you to be proud and happy of what you get. I know things will work out for the better if I just give them some time.

I'll be resuming work shortly, but just in case anyone would like a refund before then, I completely understand - just contact me at my commissions email and I'll get that sorted out for you.

Apologies again for the extended wait.

Thanks, and be kind and understanding to each other.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms.

However, for this batch I will be experimenting a bit more with different techniques and studies. It may be apparent, it may not on your commission. The linework should remain relatively the same, but I am interested in expanding my technique in terms of coloring / shading. Because of this I feel the need to let people be aware things might (hopefully) be a little different, possibly worse, possibly better. I'm not very satisfied with how things stand so I'm trying to go in the right direction. I also might be a bit more selective this time around in choosing commissions because of all this and looking for subjects that would lend themselves well to what I have in mind.

If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone! I hope you and yours are keeping safe.

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thank you, and be smart and good to yourself - and more importantly those around you.

Hello everyone!

I'm accepting commissions again and will be taking tickets for a few days to give everyone some time to put one in before I close the forms. If you're interested, here's...

Commission Options and Prices - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27559819/

Commission Ticket - https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

I'll be sure to address them all after 3 or 4 days at the email you provide, so whether or not I take on it I'll let you know regardless if you submit a ticket.

Thanks!

Alright! Hope you've all been well and enjoying the new stuff.

So without further ado, I'll be opening for commissions later today. I'll be posting a new price / option sheet, along with an important Google Docs form that I'll be testing to take commissions - so please don't note me with commissions - questions are fine though as always!

I'll wait and see how many commissions I get before I decide to keep them open, or close them, or what. It's been a while, so apologies before hand and please bear with me! Regardless, I'll wait a couple days before I start responding, just to let anyone have a shot at sending an inquiry in. I'm trying to ease back into this without getting overwhelmed, so I may only pick a handful to start with.

Here's the new commission form!

https://goo.gl/forms/K3DNZKPPL7Hs2xWS2

Thanks again everyone for the super warm welcome. It really made me feel like I was doing something right and making a good choice.

Take care!

Wow! I'm overwhelmed by the amount of comments and good vibes from you all. Really and truly, thank you all very much!

I'm no good with extended interaction, and I didn't think it was fair to reply to some comments and not others, or just give a "thanks!" to everyone because that feels insincere too and doesn't really convey the thanks I have, nor does it reciprocate the warmth.

So paradoxically in a similar-but-different kind of way: Thank you everyone! I missed you as much as you missed me. The warmth I got from the comments made me smile. I hope you'll enjoy some of the various tidbits from over the past year or so!

Most importantly and first off - thank you everyone for everything you've said in support, well-wishing, and otherwise! It really meant a lot.

I felt it was right to gave a bit of an update, or at least a proof of life after so long. I don't want to say a whole lot or divulge much, but I think I'm doing better. I've been drawing a lot more, working on a bunch of new projects and things I'm excited to announce - the phantom pain of a severed creative limb is a bit much before you start to indulge I guess. I missed drawing and creating after a year or so. I'll be uploading various things from my silent stint every once in a while.

That's all! Let's see where this goes.

Thanks again everyone! I hope you've been well in the interim.

Hello you. Time to come clean - you deserve that much for everything you’ve given me through the years.

For the past couple months as you all know, I’ve been pretty silent and reclusive. I’m very sorry for the extended absence, and any worry it might have caused. I had a mental breakdown. A few too many things at once all started to become terrifyingly apparent to me, and a big one was my art and end goals for it. I can’t keep on pretending and keeping it all together on life support. My absence has been a rolling ride of emotions and attempts to get some sort of medication that “works” for me. I’m pretty rattled, and I’ve got nothing left. I feel like a hollowed-out, directionless shell. Had it not been for family, I wouldn’t be here writing this letter. The good news is that I’m finally as stable as I think I’ll be able to get through drugs alone. Though it’s a hell of a feeling to not be able to really feel or dwell on sadness, even when encountering something you know for a fact usually breaks you up. It’s also a hell of a thing to be so depressed, confused, and detached that you literally can’t get out of bed, so as strange as things are for me now, it certainly beats the alternatives.

I understand that because of how little I put out there about myself, I might seem impersonal, aloof, or overly brusque. My profile here is intentionally skeletal. I’ve always been a very shy and guarded person. I don’t use social media at all. I feel as though I owe you a little bit of personal information though, as anonymous as it may be, so here goes. While the shyness and introvertedness was always there, it wasn’t always as severe - I wasn’t the most open or extroverted person, but I did really enjoy the intimacy of close relationships. I took a lot of pride in being there in a person’s time in need. Helping someone out I cared about meant everything to me. I took a lot of pride in being an emotional crutch when I needed to be, making sacrifices when I needed to. Maybe I’m just too naive, or dumb, maybe I just care too much - but nothing lasts forever. That wasn’t as apparent to me in the past as it is now, with all of my figurative walls. I put my heart into these people, whether they were friends or something more. There were deep, emotional roots embedded there from my heart to theirs, just something that happens when you get so close to someone, especially with intent to help them. On more than one occasion, I’ve had people confide in me that they didn’t think the kindness and sympathy I tried to show and give out was genuine until they knew me better. That made me sad, to know that the norm was people weren’t expected to show that sort of kindness without wanting something for themselves in return. Isn’t that fucked?

But things happen. People move. We fight. There are misunderstandings. I end up hurting the people I care most about, and that hurts me in return more than they’ll ever know. When you’ve put a part of yourself, your heart and soul into people - you get blind. It’s all I cared about and what was on my mind, making sure they were OK and happy. Then, suddenly, it’s gone. Being so deeply embedded, it’s inevitable that you lose part of yourself with them. I still think about them all though, every day, sometimes in my waking thoughts. I’ve never gotten over any of them, and probably won’t if it’s been this long. These things kept happening, and building up. The walls got higher. The guard became more impenetrable, and eventually that part of me that wanted to connect was gone. This same intense, deeply-rooted connection I felt with people is the same feeling I have towards art.



Plain and simple: when it comes down to it, art just makes me sick now. I've long-since forgotten how to just draw and enjoy it for the simple reason of "drawing is fun." I took some art courses from a professional who’s spent some time as a concept artist, illustrator, and has been all over the artistic field. I went in specifically to learn how to improve my work and see what it takes to really push for that industry standard. The results were disheartening. I hated the class, through no fault of the instructor or lessons, but because I hated painting and rendering. For me, it’s grueling, hard work I’m not interested with in the least. Everything I felt going through the class post-design phase was the opposite of the enjoyment I get out of sketching out initial ideas for something, trying out different variations, and doing a rough color job to say “okay, that’s the idea - I want to move on to the next one now.”

When I understood that the former was something I’d have to do regularly, quickly, efficiently, competently, and for late hours, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I understand full-well what the very talented artists had to do and sacrifice (and still do) to get to the level where they are. It really pains me to admit and see that I don’t have it in me to do the same. The people who are my competition, on sites like Arstation - between them and I, there is no competition. My work is less than mediocre when compared to theirs. The stress I put on myself to try and desperately get to this level made me care too much about what my art looks like, and how it’s done. The thought of drawing alone is associated with dread and forced work, and the thought of having to do as a job makes me physically sick. A couple years into doing commissions and overworking myself to do better and better, and art hadn’t been fun for a while, even before my breakdown. Just a job to do. The realization of all of this was the final nail in the coffin. The hope that I would be able to work as a concept artist or something similar was the only thing that was really driving me forward with art, since I no longer got any joy out of it.

I’ve never considered doing anything else my entire life other than being a concept artist. I have no other interests. I have no other talents. I have no other desires. All I’ve ever wanted to do was create and draw, and I thought I’d be absolutely set and be living the dream if I could get a job doing that. Nobody ever told me otherwise, and my whole life I’d been encouraged and saw signs that I was going down the right path, that I had the right stuff, that someday this would really be a job I would hold. I could finally let my guards down, make friends with like-minded creative types, people at work who I really and sincerely wanted to like and get to know. I would be happy and everything that has been floating without a landing in sight would finally be tethered safely to this anchor.

If I’m not good enough to meet a professional industry standard, how could I ever in good conscience ask for money for what I do? How, if it’s not good enough for my own standards, and I feel like I’m scheming and getting away with charging people for lackluster art? This might sound like a terrible or fake reason, but it’s the candid truth. I’ve always tried to live my life and govern myself strictly on what I feel is morally right and wrong, and most importantly absolute truthfulness and blunt honesty. I’ve never been the one to comfort anyone with the token “it’ll all be okay,” when it blatantly will not. I’m not going to point out how it won’t be okay, but something in me just doesn’t register that it’s right to lie to someone and give them false hope, even knowing that it would help comfort them. I find some other way to do it. That same something tells me it’s not right to continue on with commissions, let alone drawing for recreation. I thought maybe it was just my state of mind, but even after leveling out, I feel the same. I don’t miss it, but I haven’t found anything to fill the hole it left yet. Where to go from here, I’m not sure. I’ll figure it out, but drawing and the artist scene is certainly not a part of it. That part of me is gone right now.



I have no intention of deleting my entire gallery, deactivating this account, or anything destructive (knowing me, I’ll probably even lurk for a bit and stop in frequently). Instead, in case anyone is interested, I’ve spent the past couple of days making an entire library of art I’ve produced under this account available for download. Inside is everything ranging from personal art, gift art, all of my commissions, old folders of projects that never were, and more. The only things removed from this collection were over-sized working resolution duplicates, the .psd files, and certain folders / commissions that clients preferred to keep private. I’m nothing if not tidy, so everything should be easy enough to locate in the series of folders I had already organized it all with. As a disclaimer: there are a few adult artworks included, so by downloading the file you are also confirming that you’re 18+

https://mega.nz/#!vMcmCJSB!aqI-lKrh0p4b1Y8I8pHdmDhMFlSW3Mnu-DNrayl4XTE

Only the biggest and most humble thanks to everyone who’s been part of my presence here. I hope in some way, I added some positivity into your life! I’m so grateful for every comment, even in passing, and support through commissions and kind words. It gave me purpose, and a real sense of accomplishment. Having people genuinely be ecstatic with the things I made for them, being able to cheer people up, make their day, or just adding something good into their lives - that really was the most rewarding part of it all. Each of you helped me feel like I could still do some good and make people happy like I used to.

Thank you. Not as a blanket statement to everyone, but to you right now as a person I care about, reading these words, from me to you.

Hello all,

Just checking in and saying "hi." My away time's been a bit longer than I thought it would be, so I'm sorry about that. August might be a better time for me to try and get back into the swing of things here - I've been dealing with and recovering from serious personal problems.

Hopefully things will be looking up next month!

Hey everyone!

Sorry for the bad news, but it looks like I won't be able to open for commissions for a bit. I can't really say how long for sure - maybe a week, maybe more. I'm very sorry for the inconvenience and I hate to curb any excitement, but there are some things that need taking care of and I can't ignore them any longer. I'd rather not get too personal about it. Maybe here and there I can take a few on before everything gets back to normal!

I was working on fine-tuning my commissions schedule / prices a bit as well, namely for shaded color images - they're not as simple as they used to be when I started doing commissions seriously, and a lot more work goes into them now compared to then (it's not just slapping a rough multiply layer down anymore), so when I do come back, there might be some changes there. I'm thinking of pricing them the same as a reference, since they both take around the same amount of time for me.

Again, my apologies - I hope to see you all again sooner rather than later!

Wow, what a couple of weeks, huh?

I'll be tallying together all of the commissions in my inbox and choosing 12 to do for this cycle. I'll be opening up again in a week or so. If this keeps up, I'm sort of excited to say I might consider leaving my two day a week dayjob with all of the support I've earned from all of you who are kind enough to commission me, and really buckle down and focus on improving and learning to make even better art for all of you!

Hello all!

Due to the site outage, I'm extending the commission openings until May 21st, 12:00AM for anyone who didn't get a chance to send something in.

For everyone who already did, I believe I still have all of your notes as those were not harmed!

If you're interested, here's the information:

Please note that this new style is not first come, first serve. Anything is fair game and collected in a pool that I then choose 12 from. If there are not more than 12 in that time, I will remain open!

If you're interested, please send a note with your inquiry including what the commission type is, as well as a character reference and your paypal information. I automatically put anything without that info on low priority. Here is my commission page! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11581229/

I hope you have all been well, and take care!

Hello all!

It's that time again, so I am opening back up to my old commissions routine! I will be open for inquiries with 12 slots available until May 19th 12:00AM Eastern Time.

Please note that this new style is not first come, first serve. Anything is fair game and collected in a pool that I then choose 12 from. If there are not more than 12 in that time, I will remain open!

If you're interested, please send a note with your inquiry including what the commission type is, as well as a character reference and your paypal information. I automatically put anything without that info on low priority. Here is my commission page! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11581229/

I hope you have all been well, and take care!

Hello everyone!

Just giving a heads up that commissions will resume around a week from now, instead of the the previous' journal's indication that I'd be taking some more during this time. I do have two more sketchbooks I've filled up and will be auctioning off, though.

Sorry about that! Reason being is actually (hopefully) a good one and two-fold: a combination of a strange past week and some time to focus on techniques and art lessons I've gotten.

Hope you've all been well, and sorry to disappoint anyone who was really looking forward to it!

Hello all!

Thank you all very much for the inquiries! It means a lot, and is always difficult to choose just 12 from them all. In about a week or so I should be opening back up for anyone who is still interested!

Hello all!

It's that time again, so I am opening back up to my old commissions routine! I will be open for inquiries with 12 slots available until May 2nd.

Please note that this new style is not first come, first serve. Anything is fair game and collected in a pool that I then choose 12 from. If there are not more than 12 in that time, I will remain open!

If you're interested, please send a note with your inquiry including what the commission type is, as well as a character reference and your paypal information. I automatically put anything without that info on low priority. Here is my commission page! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11581229/

I've also been playing around with the idea of doing some Dark Souls or Bloodborne references, but I'm not sure if I'd follow through with that. Something along the lines of anyone's own custom armor / set they wear and their FA characters wearing it, done up as a well-rendered front / back reference.


I hope you have all been well, and take care! Long may the Sun shine, for anyone out there who needs it.

Hello all!

Thank you all very much for the inquiries! It means a lot, and is always difficult to choose just 12 from them all. In about a week or so I should be opening back up for anyone who is still interested!

Hello all!

It's that time again, so I am opening back up to my old commissions routine! I will be open for inquiries with 12 slots available until April 25th.

Please note that this new style is not first come, first serve. Anything is fair game and collected in a pool that I then choose 12 from. If there are not more than 12 in that time, I will remain open!

If you're interested, please send a note with your inquiry including what the commission type is, as well as a character reference and your paypal information. I automatically put anything without that info on low priority. Here is my commission page! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11581229/

I hope you have all been well, and take care!