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I used to want to be like her.
General | Posted 11 years ago(Please pardon any errors, I'm only able to type with one hand at the moment)
When I was a man cub, I idolized my mother. She was my only parent, worked hard, was nurturing, and was somewhat of a disciplinarian even if that was one area of parenting she couldn't get used to. She was strong, always did her best, and despite our disagreements we've always loved each other and she's always been accepting.
I inherited a lot of fun things from my mother; her sense of humor, her lack of a butt, and her practical intelligence. Then Hurricane Katrina hit, and our lives changed forever. While we were in an area that only got a few thunderstorms as it passed through, weakened and beaten, on the day it hit the Gulf Coast we had several hurricanes of our own. My mom had a DVT (deep vein thrombosis, or to simplify a blood clot in a major artery.) They discovered the cause of this was genetic. She has Factor V Lieden deficiency, a genetic abnormality that makes you many times more likely than the general population to form blood clots. They also discovered she had diabetes, but that's really neither here nor there.
Over the years due to a combination of fear and lack of health insurance, I refused to be tested. I figured that ignorance was bliss, and I kept that as my mantra. Last month, on the 21st, I finally did it. I was tested. Three days passed. The results were what I had always feared; I also have Factor V Lieden.
I took the news in stride. While my mother and I aren't in the best of health, She didn't have to deal with her first clot until her late 30's. I figured, at worst, I had ten years to go. At best, I'd just never throw a clot. Life, it seems, had other plans.
As soon as I felt the warmth and tenderness I knew exactly what it was. As soon as I noticed the reddened skin and the inflamed area, I knew it couldn't be anything else. Yesterday I went to the ER, and I was right. Only eight days after learning I had the same genetic mutation as my mother, I developed my first clot. I also learned that I have arthritis in my left knee, but that's really not important.
So what does this mean? It means that I have to take a once per day chewable aspirin, keep my right arm elevated, keep heat on it, and adapt to typing with one hand for the time being. It means that I have to be vigilant, make sure the clot doesn't move into an artery, or into my heart where it could kill me. It means that, despite many years of thinking I wanted to be just like my mother, I'd like to retract certain aspects of that.
Life goes on and we live to fight another day. But... you take what it throws at you. I may not be able to do commissions and make the money we need this month, but I can choose to be optimistic. My mom has had tons of DVTs and not a single one has called her to the grave. I have to believe that I'm as strong as her, as resilient, that I did inherit that bit.
So anyway, I just wanted to share that. It's been constantly on my mind since yesterday and just typing out the words makes me feel a lot better ^^. I hope you all have as wonderful a weekend as I plan to!
When I was a man cub, I idolized my mother. She was my only parent, worked hard, was nurturing, and was somewhat of a disciplinarian even if that was one area of parenting she couldn't get used to. She was strong, always did her best, and despite our disagreements we've always loved each other and she's always been accepting.
I inherited a lot of fun things from my mother; her sense of humor, her lack of a butt, and her practical intelligence. Then Hurricane Katrina hit, and our lives changed forever. While we were in an area that only got a few thunderstorms as it passed through, weakened and beaten, on the day it hit the Gulf Coast we had several hurricanes of our own. My mom had a DVT (deep vein thrombosis, or to simplify a blood clot in a major artery.) They discovered the cause of this was genetic. She has Factor V Lieden deficiency, a genetic abnormality that makes you many times more likely than the general population to form blood clots. They also discovered she had diabetes, but that's really neither here nor there.
Over the years due to a combination of fear and lack of health insurance, I refused to be tested. I figured that ignorance was bliss, and I kept that as my mantra. Last month, on the 21st, I finally did it. I was tested. Three days passed. The results were what I had always feared; I also have Factor V Lieden.
I took the news in stride. While my mother and I aren't in the best of health, She didn't have to deal with her first clot until her late 30's. I figured, at worst, I had ten years to go. At best, I'd just never throw a clot. Life, it seems, had other plans.
As soon as I felt the warmth and tenderness I knew exactly what it was. As soon as I noticed the reddened skin and the inflamed area, I knew it couldn't be anything else. Yesterday I went to the ER, and I was right. Only eight days after learning I had the same genetic mutation as my mother, I developed my first clot. I also learned that I have arthritis in my left knee, but that's really not important.
So what does this mean? It means that I have to take a once per day chewable aspirin, keep my right arm elevated, keep heat on it, and adapt to typing with one hand for the time being. It means that I have to be vigilant, make sure the clot doesn't move into an artery, or into my heart where it could kill me. It means that, despite many years of thinking I wanted to be just like my mother, I'd like to retract certain aspects of that.
Life goes on and we live to fight another day. But... you take what it throws at you. I may not be able to do commissions and make the money we need this month, but I can choose to be optimistic. My mom has had tons of DVTs and not a single one has called her to the grave. I have to believe that I'm as strong as her, as resilient, that I did inherit that bit.
So anyway, I just wanted to share that. It's been constantly on my mind since yesterday and just typing out the words makes me feel a lot better ^^. I hope you all have as wonderful a weekend as I plan to!
*waves hand* These are the commission you're looking for.
General | Posted 11 years agoYou are a weary traveler! You have seen many a species on your journeys, many an artist, and you want nothing but to rest and suckle at the teet of sustenance and have time to regather your thoughts! Now is that time. PLEASE! Come into my parlor, rest, raise your feet! There's no need to travel any further.
While you're at it, why not buy a fine bit of art commemorating such an arduous and well fought journey? I have the time to complete five of them, $20 each, with anything you'd like! Merely respond below. Oh, and THIS *waves hand* is the Paypal you're looking for -- lemahnayd[at]yahoo.com
1.
2. EMPTY
3. EMPTY
4. EMPTY
5. EMPTY
P.S. We need toilet paper and gas, kthx.
P.P.S. I also have this adoptable available still! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13232934/
Oh, and these YCHs...
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13094959/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091820/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091798/
While you're at it, why not buy a fine bit of art commemorating such an arduous and well fought journey? I have the time to complete five of them, $20 each, with anything you'd like! Merely respond below. Oh, and THIS *waves hand* is the Paypal you're looking for -- lemahnayd[at]yahoo.com
1.
2. EMPTY
3. EMPTY
4. EMPTY
5. EMPTY
P.S. We need toilet paper and gas, kthx.
P.P.S. I also have this adoptable available still! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13232934/
Oh, and these YCHs...
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13094959/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091820/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091798/
Phobia Meme!
General | Posted 11 years agoStolen from 
[ ] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness
[x] Acrophobia - Fear of heights
[x] Agliophobia - Fear of pain
[x] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds
[ ] Agyrophobia - Fear of crossing the street
[x] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car
[x] Androphobia - Fear of men
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking
[ ] Anthophobia - Fear of flowers
[x] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched
[x] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers
[ ] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning
[x] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness
[x] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection
[x] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure
[ ] Aulophobia - Fear of flutes
[x] Autophobia - Fear of being alone
TOTAL: 11
B
—————
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steepness
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants
TOTAL: 0
C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors
[x] Chionophobia - Fear of snow
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks
[x] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces
[ ] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs
TOTAL: 2
D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees
[x] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists
[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses
[x] Dtychiphobia - Fear of accidents
TOTAL: 2
E
[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of home
[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats
[x] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers
[ ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses
TOTAL: 1
G
[ ] Gophobia - Fear of marriage
[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees
[ ] Globophobia - Fear of balloons
[x] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public
[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women
TOTAL: 1
H
[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun
[x] Hemophobia - Fear of blood
[ ] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles
[ ] Hydrophobia - Fear of water
TOTAL: 1
I
[x] Itrophobia - Fear of doctors
[x] Insectophobia - Fear of insects - anything that stings
[ ] Ichithyophobia - Fear of fish
TOTAL: 2
K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms
TOTAL: 0
L - M
[ ] Lekophobia - Fear of the color white
[ ] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes
[ ] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth
[x] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking
[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black
[ ] Microphobia - Fear of small things
[ ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs
TOTAL: 1
N
[x] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things
[ ] Noctiphobia - Fear of the night
[x] Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals
TOTAL: 2
O
—————
[ ] Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight
[ ] Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8
[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain
[ ] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes
[ ] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds
TOTAL: 0
P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper
[x] Pathophobia - Fear of disease
[ ] Pedophobia - Fear of children
[ ] Philophobia - Fear of love
[x] Phobophobia - Fear of being afraid
[x] Podophobia - Fear of feet
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple
[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns
[ ] Pteromerhanophobia - fear of flying
[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire
TOTAL: 3
R
[ ] Rajalophobia - Fear of Apes
TOTAL: 0
S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school/College
[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon
[x] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation
[x] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep
TOTAL: 2
T
[x] Tachophobia - Fear of speed
[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology
[ ] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder
[x] Triskaidekaphobia - Fear of the number 13
[ ] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections
TOTAL: 2
V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women
[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs
[ ] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft
[x] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers
[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals
TOTAL: 1
FINAL RESULT: 31 >.>. Thankfully I'm starting counseling! YAY!
-More than 50, Why aren't you in a psyche-ward yet?
-More than 20.5, I strongly recommend some counseling.
- 10.5 - 20 you are normal wow im surprised lol i used to think i was afraid of everything
-10 or less, you're fearless.
-0- You're lying.
[ ] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness
[x] Acrophobia - Fear of heights
[x] Agliophobia - Fear of pain
[x] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds
[ ] Agyrophobia - Fear of crossing the street
[x] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car
[x] Androphobia - Fear of men
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking
[ ] Anthophobia - Fear of flowers
[x] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched
[x] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers
[ ] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning
[x] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness
[x] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection
[x] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure
[ ] Aulophobia - Fear of flutes
[x] Autophobia - Fear of being alone
TOTAL: 11
B
—————
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steepness
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants
TOTAL: 0
C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors
[x] Chionophobia - Fear of snow
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks
[x] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces
[ ] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs
TOTAL: 2
D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees
[x] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists
[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses
[x] Dtychiphobia - Fear of accidents
TOTAL: 2
E
[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of home
[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats
[x] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers
[ ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses
TOTAL: 1
G
[ ] Gophobia - Fear of marriage
[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees
[ ] Globophobia - Fear of balloons
[x] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public
[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women
TOTAL: 1
H
[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun
[x] Hemophobia - Fear of blood
[ ] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles
[ ] Hydrophobia - Fear of water
TOTAL: 1
I
[x] Itrophobia - Fear of doctors
[x] Insectophobia - Fear of insects - anything that stings
[ ] Ichithyophobia - Fear of fish
TOTAL: 2
K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms
TOTAL: 0
L - M
[ ] Lekophobia - Fear of the color white
[ ] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes
[ ] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth
[x] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking
[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black
[ ] Microphobia - Fear of small things
[ ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs
TOTAL: 1
N
[x] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things
[ ] Noctiphobia - Fear of the night
[x] Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals
TOTAL: 2
O
—————
[ ] Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight
[ ] Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8
[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain
[ ] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes
[ ] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds
TOTAL: 0
P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper
[x] Pathophobia - Fear of disease
[ ] Pedophobia - Fear of children
[ ] Philophobia - Fear of love
[x] Phobophobia - Fear of being afraid
[x] Podophobia - Fear of feet
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple
[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns
[ ] Pteromerhanophobia - fear of flying
[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire
TOTAL: 3
R
[ ] Rajalophobia - Fear of Apes
TOTAL: 0
S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school/College
[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon
[x] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation
[x] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep
TOTAL: 2
T
[x] Tachophobia - Fear of speed
[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology
[ ] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder
[x] Triskaidekaphobia - Fear of the number 13
[ ] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections
TOTAL: 2
V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women
[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs
[ ] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft
[x] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers
[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals
TOTAL: 1
FINAL RESULT: 31 >.>. Thankfully I'm starting counseling! YAY!
-More than 50, Why aren't you in a psyche-ward yet?
-More than 20.5, I strongly recommend some counseling.
- 10.5 - 20 you are normal wow im surprised lol i used to think i was afraid of everything
-10 or less, you're fearless.
-0- You're lying.
A long sought break through.
General | Posted 11 years agoIf you are not comfortable with topics considering psychology, then this probably isn't the journal for you.
Anyway, the past month or so I've been going back and forth between doctors and counselors, finally managing to work toward getting over my intense anxiety issues and determining a solution to my plethora of issues. In the course of this, I have learned many important things! As you all know, or do know if you watched my old account >.>, I have PTSD. So that's been a thing for awhile. I also have now learned, as of today, that I have bipolar disorder. So the increase in my anxiety, fears, and hermit-like behavior could be linked to the fact I've been on an anti-depressant. So while being bipolar isn't exactly the proudest thing for me to admit to being, I at least now KNOW one of the many things that wrong with me, and that one of the pills I've been taking was quite harmful in my trying to get past it. So now I'm off Zoloft, the doctor is consulting with a neurologist and a psychiatrist to determine the appropriate medicine to put me on. Apparently there are some anti-seizure meds that are used to treat bipolar disorder. So I think that the general hope is to go for a one-two punch and put me on a new medication for my epilepsy that will take care of that as well. Of course, that leaves me with a lot of fears because I know that seizures, rather large ones, can happen when you start trying to jumble around medications. I've been on Keppra since I was diagnosed, so while going off of it will be, probably and ultimately, beneficial, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don't want to have any grand mals ;~;. But anyway, here's hoping for the best.
That's my life update for today! I hope that you have had a fantastic one and that all is well in your world!
Love,
Libby
Anyway, the past month or so I've been going back and forth between doctors and counselors, finally managing to work toward getting over my intense anxiety issues and determining a solution to my plethora of issues. In the course of this, I have learned many important things! As you all know, or do know if you watched my old account >.>, I have PTSD. So that's been a thing for awhile. I also have now learned, as of today, that I have bipolar disorder. So the increase in my anxiety, fears, and hermit-like behavior could be linked to the fact I've been on an anti-depressant. So while being bipolar isn't exactly the proudest thing for me to admit to being, I at least now KNOW one of the many things that wrong with me, and that one of the pills I've been taking was quite harmful in my trying to get past it. So now I'm off Zoloft, the doctor is consulting with a neurologist and a psychiatrist to determine the appropriate medicine to put me on. Apparently there are some anti-seizure meds that are used to treat bipolar disorder. So I think that the general hope is to go for a one-two punch and put me on a new medication for my epilepsy that will take care of that as well. Of course, that leaves me with a lot of fears because I know that seizures, rather large ones, can happen when you start trying to jumble around medications. I've been on Keppra since I was diagnosed, so while going off of it will be, probably and ultimately, beneficial, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don't want to have any grand mals ;~;. But anyway, here's hoping for the best.
That's my life update for today! I hope that you have had a fantastic one and that all is well in your world!
Love,
Libby
The state of Little Paws Elementary School.
General | Posted 11 years agoDear LPES students,
As we stand on the edge of the relaunch and revisioning of our community, there are still several things that need to happen for everything to function properly. While the site infrastructure, coding, and planning is on track, and contingency plans are being created to ensure that the website always runs seamlessly, our school has sadly been dealt a critical blow. I ask that you read this journal in its entirety before responding, because it is important to understand that the majority of the issues that we are now facing are issues that I created, although most of them unintentionally.
When I launched Little Paws Elementary School I did so because I wanted to provide a safe haven for cubs. A place where they could go, role play, thrive in a structured environment, and participate in an place like no other free from judgement and fear. However, I had to look at the reality of the situation. A role play website, in and of itself, will never be sufficient to sustain itself. I had to make a decision; whether to allow LPES to keep going until interest dwindled, or to create something larger that could withstand the test of time. I decided on the latter, and created the website that you will soon be seeing for the first time.
As a result of this decision, my absence from the Teacher Council (a Skype group that contained the faculty members of LPES) and the various slow downs and brick walls we hit when we tried to launch things by a specific date, a lot of faith was lost. This is not the fault of the prior faculty members, coders, or anyone else. I take full responsibility for the events that led to this and give each and every one of you my sincerest apologies. While I could make excuses, many of them valid, now isn't the time for that. And, quite unfortunately, apologies do little to rectify the situation at hand.
We have lost the vast majority of our faculty. While this weekend includes the development and implementation of the Classroom Matrix, there are presently not enough faculty and staff members available to actually run the school. To say that we are in need of new staff members at this juncture would be an understatement, we are in need of everything.
I made a promise when I stated that I would be expanding what LittlePa.ws offers that the school would not go away. As long as I am able, I'm going to keep that promise. However, without a staff we cannot run the school or set a date to start the next term. Without the school, LittlePa.ws is not complete. Even though we are becoming an art website and a social website, at our heart we are still that little LPES that you all joined and grew to love. We will never lose our heart, because staying small and listening is the most important thing we can do. Providing you a place to love and where you can feel loved is what we're always going to be about, regardless of what URL you click to access this community.
So here is my promise to you. At site launch, the Classroom Matrix will be there. I will spend every day, and every bit of energy I have, trying to replace the faculty. I will also be looking intently for someone who can become principal if the current person in that position is unable to fulfill their duties due to real life obligations. This journal is the start of that, and I will be doing other things to promote recruitment and create a strategy for effective training, interviewing, and selection.
So if you know someone that is creative and loves to role play; if you know someone that loves Littles of all ages; if you know someone who has a passion and desire to let this phoenix rise from the ashes; if you know someone who knows that they can commit to this and put in a lot of time, whether that be you or someone else, then please don't hesitate to reply or send a note. We need the best, because the best is what you deserve. We will find the best, because Little Paws Elementary School was always the best. I promise you that the next term at LPES at the new LittlePa.ws will be the best term that you've ever had.
Sincerely yours,
Libby
As we stand on the edge of the relaunch and revisioning of our community, there are still several things that need to happen for everything to function properly. While the site infrastructure, coding, and planning is on track, and contingency plans are being created to ensure that the website always runs seamlessly, our school has sadly been dealt a critical blow. I ask that you read this journal in its entirety before responding, because it is important to understand that the majority of the issues that we are now facing are issues that I created, although most of them unintentionally.
When I launched Little Paws Elementary School I did so because I wanted to provide a safe haven for cubs. A place where they could go, role play, thrive in a structured environment, and participate in an place like no other free from judgement and fear. However, I had to look at the reality of the situation. A role play website, in and of itself, will never be sufficient to sustain itself. I had to make a decision; whether to allow LPES to keep going until interest dwindled, or to create something larger that could withstand the test of time. I decided on the latter, and created the website that you will soon be seeing for the first time.
As a result of this decision, my absence from the Teacher Council (a Skype group that contained the faculty members of LPES) and the various slow downs and brick walls we hit when we tried to launch things by a specific date, a lot of faith was lost. This is not the fault of the prior faculty members, coders, or anyone else. I take full responsibility for the events that led to this and give each and every one of you my sincerest apologies. While I could make excuses, many of them valid, now isn't the time for that. And, quite unfortunately, apologies do little to rectify the situation at hand.
We have lost the vast majority of our faculty. While this weekend includes the development and implementation of the Classroom Matrix, there are presently not enough faculty and staff members available to actually run the school. To say that we are in need of new staff members at this juncture would be an understatement, we are in need of everything.
I made a promise when I stated that I would be expanding what LittlePa.ws offers that the school would not go away. As long as I am able, I'm going to keep that promise. However, without a staff we cannot run the school or set a date to start the next term. Without the school, LittlePa.ws is not complete. Even though we are becoming an art website and a social website, at our heart we are still that little LPES that you all joined and grew to love. We will never lose our heart, because staying small and listening is the most important thing we can do. Providing you a place to love and where you can feel loved is what we're always going to be about, regardless of what URL you click to access this community.
So here is my promise to you. At site launch, the Classroom Matrix will be there. I will spend every day, and every bit of energy I have, trying to replace the faculty. I will also be looking intently for someone who can become principal if the current person in that position is unable to fulfill their duties due to real life obligations. This journal is the start of that, and I will be doing other things to promote recruitment and create a strategy for effective training, interviewing, and selection.
So if you know someone that is creative and loves to role play; if you know someone that loves Littles of all ages; if you know someone who has a passion and desire to let this phoenix rise from the ashes; if you know someone who knows that they can commit to this and put in a lot of time, whether that be you or someone else, then please don't hesitate to reply or send a note. We need the best, because the best is what you deserve. We will find the best, because Little Paws Elementary School was always the best. I promise you that the next term at LPES at the new LittlePa.ws will be the best term that you've ever had.
Sincerely yours,
Libby
Free Art (WITH ADDENDUMS!)
General | Posted 11 years agoOkay so I'm gonna give away another free pic! Not getting any commissions and to be frank I'm starting to find this whole art thing therapeutic >.>. SO anyway, here's the deal!
1. I CANNOT HAVE DRAWN YOU OR A CHARACTER YOU POSSESS BEFORE!
2. I get free reign *grins*.
3. Comment below with a ref. sheet.
4. The first person to comment gets it that meets the above parameters!
1. I CANNOT HAVE DRAWN YOU OR A CHARACTER YOU POSSESS BEFORE!
2. I get free reign *grins*.
3. Comment below with a ref. sheet.
4. The first person to comment gets it that meets the above parameters!
Attention all equine lovers!
General | Posted 11 years agoMany years ago, or so it seems, I attended a small college in southwestern Virginia called Virginia Intermont College. While many haven't heard of it, due to its small size and decreasing enrollment, they had an equine program that was unparalleled. The college had been working on ways to stay open and solve their financial issues, but sadly a proposed merger fell through and they will be closing their doors at the end of June, for the last time.
With that being said, the college houses and takes care of many of the horses. While they are trying desperately to find another college to acquire the program, they are trying to raise the money to take care of the horses after June which will be a nearly impossible feat. Despite that, we furs are animal lovers! And these valiant animals deserve to live long past the institution. They deserve basic things like food, veterinary care, hay, etc... So if you are an equine lover, know of an equine group, or can help in any other way, please check out the page below.
Also, while not required, sharing this would be greatly appreciated!
https://www.facebook.com/VAIntermontEquine
With that being said, the college houses and takes care of many of the horses. While they are trying desperately to find another college to acquire the program, they are trying to raise the money to take care of the horses after June which will be a nearly impossible feat. Despite that, we furs are animal lovers! And these valiant animals deserve to live long past the institution. They deserve basic things like food, veterinary care, hay, etc... So if you are an equine lover, know of an equine group, or can help in any other way, please check out the page below.
Also, while not required, sharing this would be greatly appreciated!
https://www.facebook.com/VAIntermontEquine
Aloha!
General | Posted 11 years agoGreetings everyone! First of all, I want to apologize for my emo slam poetry and such. Basically we were/are facing a financial crisis, but thanks to some amazing assistance that we found in our community things may not be as bad as they appear! So I am now practicing the art of happy ambivalence, standing against adversity, realizing my limitations, and wearing a smile! WHEEE!
At any rate, I was wondering if any of you were well versed in CSS. There are a few stylistic elements that need to be completed on LittlePa.ws before launch, and while I cannot pay you, I am willing to offer art in trade. Basically I'm trying to remove work from our poor coder who is working every minute of the day he's not at his job or sleeping for free ^^;;. Plus coding is more his forte even if he can do the whole CSS bit. SO if anyone out there knows it and can help with the cause, I'd deeply appreciate it!
Thanks and love ya all!
Libby
At any rate, I was wondering if any of you were well versed in CSS. There are a few stylistic elements that need to be completed on LittlePa.ws before launch, and while I cannot pay you, I am willing to offer art in trade. Basically I'm trying to remove work from our poor coder who is working every minute of the day he's not at his job or sleeping for free ^^;;. Plus coding is more his forte even if he can do the whole CSS bit. SO if anyone out there knows it and can help with the cause, I'd deeply appreciate it!
Thanks and love ya all!
Libby
Pain
General | Posted 11 years agoThey say that you made me in your image.
But how can you be perfect if I was?
How can a holy man look me in the face and tell me that I was made perfect and in the essence of your glory when all I can see are the shot gun shells and fallen dreams of a million lives around me?
I've seen it everyday. It's not easy to forget, or easy to miss. You used to open the newspaper and read it but now it's blasted from the walls of the Internet like an endless cacophony that won't stop!
People that've been murdered and hurt, children that are starving and dying, wars that are carried out without fear or retribution or absolution because you made us that way. Because supposedly, you made us like you.
So what does that make you? Does it make you a sociopath? Does it make you a rapist? Does it make you some strung up, drug-abused asshole that rapes his little daughter while she cries at night and wishes mommy would come and take her home to heaven with her?
"But no, he gave man free will."
That's the response.
The empty response.
And what a funny response it is.
Man, the very thing that has made life impossible for me. The gender of oppression and war, of passion and violence, of hate and aggression, of hope and lies! The gender that held a knife against my throat when I was nine and violently fucked me. The same one that got drunk and raped me in college because he didn't want me to have any other people in my life, he wanted me all to himself, and I was too afraid to call out and ask for help. The gender that calls me big man and big Jon because it doesn't already hurt enough to want to be unseen but can't be because of my form, my statue, my broken facade.
Then what about the people that made the choice to be good? All the social workers and big time government players that sit behind a phone bank and tell you to go to a website, a thread of lies, to wait, to be patient, to see if something comes in the mail so you can wait and see if the roof above your head vanishes or not.
Where was the manual when we were born that told us that life was more pain that good? Where was the sign emblazoned with characters, in bold, in italics, underlined in deep red that said, "you have no fucking hope!"
It wasn't there, they never warned us. They just told us we could be what we wanted to be as long as we kept reaching and trying, but when your knees break and you fall and you can't stand up or lift your hand what's left?
There's nothing except anxiety and panic. There's pain and it will always reverberate through me like sound goes through a cello made of wood that was selected, but that could be easily rejected and thrown away! Because there's always going to be a better model, a better person, someone who can withstand the winds and doesn't remember the pain! Someone who can process the sorrow and neglect and disappointment and carry on like a soldier, lock step, while I can't even pull myself out of a recliner and into a shower without feeling like I'm gonna faint!
And then there's the fear. The fear of the man that they made in your image. The fear of going into public and the fear of tight spaces. The fear of being forgotten when you can't make friends because your heart can't open wide enough to feel trust, because when it does it only finds empty promises and broken dreams. So they tell you to fill out the forms, wait in line, be patient, and nothing ever comes. Not because you don't need it, not because it's not obvious, not because they can't provide it but because they can dangle it in front of you like a steak in front of a starving dog. Because they like to watch you suffer.
Don't even try to taste it, don't even try to take a bite. The closer it comes the quicker it slips away. And then when it's gone that smell remains, and you crave it, and you take pills to pretend like it never existed. But then one day the pills quit working and you realize that you reached out for help too late and the help isn't gonna come in time. You're gonna watch everything you built wash away, because of one foolish decision here and another one there! Because life isn't about forgiveness, it's about pain!
And that pain... is all you're ever gonna feel.
But how can you be perfect if I was?
How can a holy man look me in the face and tell me that I was made perfect and in the essence of your glory when all I can see are the shot gun shells and fallen dreams of a million lives around me?
I've seen it everyday. It's not easy to forget, or easy to miss. You used to open the newspaper and read it but now it's blasted from the walls of the Internet like an endless cacophony that won't stop!
People that've been murdered and hurt, children that are starving and dying, wars that are carried out without fear or retribution or absolution because you made us that way. Because supposedly, you made us like you.
So what does that make you? Does it make you a sociopath? Does it make you a rapist? Does it make you some strung up, drug-abused asshole that rapes his little daughter while she cries at night and wishes mommy would come and take her home to heaven with her?
"But no, he gave man free will."
That's the response.
The empty response.
And what a funny response it is.
Man, the very thing that has made life impossible for me. The gender of oppression and war, of passion and violence, of hate and aggression, of hope and lies! The gender that held a knife against my throat when I was nine and violently fucked me. The same one that got drunk and raped me in college because he didn't want me to have any other people in my life, he wanted me all to himself, and I was too afraid to call out and ask for help. The gender that calls me big man and big Jon because it doesn't already hurt enough to want to be unseen but can't be because of my form, my statue, my broken facade.
Then what about the people that made the choice to be good? All the social workers and big time government players that sit behind a phone bank and tell you to go to a website, a thread of lies, to wait, to be patient, to see if something comes in the mail so you can wait and see if the roof above your head vanishes or not.
Where was the manual when we were born that told us that life was more pain that good? Where was the sign emblazoned with characters, in bold, in italics, underlined in deep red that said, "you have no fucking hope!"
It wasn't there, they never warned us. They just told us we could be what we wanted to be as long as we kept reaching and trying, but when your knees break and you fall and you can't stand up or lift your hand what's left?
There's nothing except anxiety and panic. There's pain and it will always reverberate through me like sound goes through a cello made of wood that was selected, but that could be easily rejected and thrown away! Because there's always going to be a better model, a better person, someone who can withstand the winds and doesn't remember the pain! Someone who can process the sorrow and neglect and disappointment and carry on like a soldier, lock step, while I can't even pull myself out of a recliner and into a shower without feeling like I'm gonna faint!
And then there's the fear. The fear of the man that they made in your image. The fear of going into public and the fear of tight spaces. The fear of being forgotten when you can't make friends because your heart can't open wide enough to feel trust, because when it does it only finds empty promises and broken dreams. So they tell you to fill out the forms, wait in line, be patient, and nothing ever comes. Not because you don't need it, not because it's not obvious, not because they can't provide it but because they can dangle it in front of you like a steak in front of a starving dog. Because they like to watch you suffer.
Don't even try to taste it, don't even try to take a bite. The closer it comes the quicker it slips away. And then when it's gone that smell remains, and you crave it, and you take pills to pretend like it never existed. But then one day the pills quit working and you realize that you reached out for help too late and the help isn't gonna come in time. You're gonna watch everything you built wash away, because of one foolish decision here and another one there! Because life isn't about forgiveness, it's about pain!
And that pain... is all you're ever gonna feel.
I'll be offline for the foreseeable future.
General | Posted 11 years agoReal life circumstances have changed dramatically. I'm not sure when I'll be back online. Take care.
FIRST PERSON TO COMMENT! (CLOSED @_@)
General | Posted 11 years agoGets a free single character sketch of anything they want. I wanna draw. *flails*
SPECIAL OF THE DAY!
General | Posted 11 years agoToday only my three remaining YCH's are slashed by 50%! That's right folks, take the price on the YCH and half it! Check out the three wonderful options below!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13094959/ Special Feeling YCH!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091820/ Bossy YCH!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091798/ Sissy YCH!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13094959/ Special Feeling YCH!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091820/ Bossy YCH!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13091798/ Sissy YCH!
The Perfect Video Game!
General | Posted 11 years agoAS MANY OF YOU KNOW, I am not a gamer. It just... isn't my thing. But this evening I decided to break from the mold and try something new! So, with bravery in place, I downloaded the Starcraft II. You see, I was immediately taken aback by this... thing. First of all, I had to kill things. There wasn't any sort of diplomatic option. And then when I tried to kill a cow to ensure my marines wouldn't go hungry I accidentally killed my main dude and lost! That was like... I dunno... three minutes into the game. So anyway! I decided to retire from the Starcraft. I then tried to play a flash version of Super Mario Brothers but died... repeatedly... over and over and over and over...
So I have decided that I want to play a game where there is no killing and violence! Then, with that in mind, I constructed the ideal video game. So basically, you're this dude, right? And you make a zen garden. And there are all these nice people that come up to you and give you positive reinforcement ^^. I think this would be best game. I think I'll write the Blizzard people and suggest this. It would make millions.
KTHX,
Libby
So I have decided that I want to play a game where there is no killing and violence! Then, with that in mind, I constructed the ideal video game. So basically, you're this dude, right? And you make a zen garden. And there are all these nice people that come up to you and give you positive reinforcement ^^. I think this would be best game. I think I'll write the Blizzard people and suggest this. It would make millions.
KTHX,
Libby
65 Things!
General | Posted 11 years agoStolen from 
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair! =D
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Sadly I do not have a hoodie. I LOVE hoodies though, so hopefully one day I'll find one that is the appropriate length. It would be orange. It would be the GREATEST HOODIE EVER!
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
But of course ^^.
4. Do you plan outfits?
Nope, clothes are thrown at me and I wear them.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Awake and refreshed from my nap, a rare feeling. Also kind of excited because LittlePa.ws is finally in the final stages of development.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
A plate.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I dreamed that a good friend of mine died. Well, that wasn't so much a dream as a nightmare, but I tend to have a lot of those ^^;;.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope!
9. What are you craving right now?
Just ate so nothing at the moment.
10. Do you floss?
Sadly no. My teeth have always been to close together to accomplish the feat.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
COLESLAW!
12. Are you emotional?
Yep, wear my heart on my sleeve.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
And beyond, in fact!
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Well it's rare I have a cone, but when I do a lick it. Usually I eat it out of a bowl with a spoon, in which case I casually suck the lump of ice cream off until it's gone and I can dig in for another bite.
15. Do you like your hair?
At the moment no... but it's almost long enough to be tolerable again.
16. Do you like yourself?
I hate myself, actually ^^;;.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
I have a hard time going out to eat with close friends much less a stranger.
18. What are you listening to right now?
The sounds of Daniel Tiger.
19. Are your parents strict?
Nope! Mom was always super laid back.
20. Would you go sky diving?
Not on your little cubby life.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
YES! SO NOM!
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Several, actually! Danny Glover was the first in middle school.
23. Do you rent movies often?
I have to be in a particular mood to watch a movie so no.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Nope! Thank goodness!
25. How many countries have you visited?
Oh just the one I was born in. Tis a tragedy.
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Many XD.
27. Ever been on a train?
Mmhmm! It was fun! Lots of leg room, too. THEY REALLY NEED TO EXPAND THE AMTRAK SERVICE IN THIS COUNTRY! *rants like an old man*
28. Brown or white eggs?
I haven't had brown shelled eggs since I was a kid. I preferred them then because they were different than the white shelled ones my mother always bought. I'd have to try them again to see if there was an actual taste difference.
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Oui! An iPhone 5c in yellow.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Like a fiend.
31. Do you own a gun?
Nope and I never would. To each their own, but they scare me @_@.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yup! Well, except for Koreans ones.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My roomie and her child.
34. Are you too forgiving?
I don't think anyone can be too forgiving.
35. Ever been in love?
Yep!
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow (or the next soonest week day)?
Play date!
37. Ever have cream puffs?
Oh gods yes... *drools*
38. Last time you cried?
I think it was shortly after we moved into this apartment.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"Did you just say you were gonna throw the cat in the trash?" Thankfully the answer was no.
40. Favorite time of the year?
AUTUMN! But particularly October and the season that is Halloween.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope! I hate needles. Needles are the root of all evil.
42. Are you sarcastic?
More often than I probably should be ^^;;.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yep! I loved it!
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Only a few times... that's normal, right?
45. Favorite color(s)?
ORANGE!
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
I've slapped my evil little brother MANY times! =D
47. Is your hair curly?
It's wavy and curls up on the ends.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
While I don't remember the last CD I bought, I remember the last cassette tape I bought was Ten by Pearl Jam.
49. Do looks matter?
Yes but only because society says so. Do they matter to me personally? No.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Absolutely.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I thought so until I checked on alternative options a few days ago. PRETTY good with my current plan now.
52. Do you like your life right now?
I like where my life is going. I don't like all the financial difficulties that keep falling on top of us but I'm managing. I know that eventually I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope, hate TV. I do sleep with healing chakra music, though. IT IS MY WAY OF THE NINJA.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Actually usually I can't ^^;;.
55. Do you have good vision?
Heck no, I've worn glasses since, like, fourth grade.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don't hate anyone. There are a number of people I dislike, though.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
VERY little. I avoid it at all costs.
58. The last person you held hands with?
The most adorable five-year-old girl eveeeeeeeeeeeer!
59. What are you wearing?
A t-shirt and some boxer briefs.
60.What is your favorite animal?
Raccoons, rabbits, dogs, and fennec foxes are all about equitable.
61. Where was your favorite picture taken at?
I do not have a favorite picture.
62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope! I'm about as coordinated as a drunken squirrel.
63. Do you have a job?
Not as such, no.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Fucking Keppra that I should have had to pay for...
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep! Many times. I had a tendency to lock myself out of the house a lot as a youth.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair! =D
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Sadly I do not have a hoodie. I LOVE hoodies though, so hopefully one day I'll find one that is the appropriate length. It would be orange. It would be the GREATEST HOODIE EVER!
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
But of course ^^.
4. Do you plan outfits?
Nope, clothes are thrown at me and I wear them.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Awake and refreshed from my nap, a rare feeling. Also kind of excited because LittlePa.ws is finally in the final stages of development.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
A plate.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I dreamed that a good friend of mine died. Well, that wasn't so much a dream as a nightmare, but I tend to have a lot of those ^^;;.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope!
9. What are you craving right now?
Just ate so nothing at the moment.
10. Do you floss?
Sadly no. My teeth have always been to close together to accomplish the feat.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
COLESLAW!
12. Are you emotional?
Yep, wear my heart on my sleeve.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
And beyond, in fact!
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Well it's rare I have a cone, but when I do a lick it. Usually I eat it out of a bowl with a spoon, in which case I casually suck the lump of ice cream off until it's gone and I can dig in for another bite.
15. Do you like your hair?
At the moment no... but it's almost long enough to be tolerable again.
16. Do you like yourself?
I hate myself, actually ^^;;.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
I have a hard time going out to eat with close friends much less a stranger.
18. What are you listening to right now?
The sounds of Daniel Tiger.
19. Are your parents strict?
Nope! Mom was always super laid back.
20. Would you go sky diving?
Not on your little cubby life.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
YES! SO NOM!
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Several, actually! Danny Glover was the first in middle school.
23. Do you rent movies often?
I have to be in a particular mood to watch a movie so no.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Nope! Thank goodness!
25. How many countries have you visited?
Oh just the one I was born in. Tis a tragedy.
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Many XD.
27. Ever been on a train?
Mmhmm! It was fun! Lots of leg room, too. THEY REALLY NEED TO EXPAND THE AMTRAK SERVICE IN THIS COUNTRY! *rants like an old man*
28. Brown or white eggs?
I haven't had brown shelled eggs since I was a kid. I preferred them then because they were different than the white shelled ones my mother always bought. I'd have to try them again to see if there was an actual taste difference.
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Oui! An iPhone 5c in yellow.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Like a fiend.
31. Do you own a gun?
Nope and I never would. To each their own, but they scare me @_@.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yup! Well, except for Koreans ones.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My roomie and her child.
34. Are you too forgiving?
I don't think anyone can be too forgiving.
35. Ever been in love?
Yep!
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow (or the next soonest week day)?
Play date!
37. Ever have cream puffs?
Oh gods yes... *drools*
38. Last time you cried?
I think it was shortly after we moved into this apartment.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"Did you just say you were gonna throw the cat in the trash?" Thankfully the answer was no.
40. Favorite time of the year?
AUTUMN! But particularly October and the season that is Halloween.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope! I hate needles. Needles are the root of all evil.
42. Are you sarcastic?
More often than I probably should be ^^;;.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yep! I loved it!
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Only a few times... that's normal, right?
45. Favorite color(s)?
ORANGE!
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
I've slapped my evil little brother MANY times! =D
47. Is your hair curly?
It's wavy and curls up on the ends.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
While I don't remember the last CD I bought, I remember the last cassette tape I bought was Ten by Pearl Jam.
49. Do looks matter?
Yes but only because society says so. Do they matter to me personally? No.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Absolutely.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I thought so until I checked on alternative options a few days ago. PRETTY good with my current plan now.
52. Do you like your life right now?
I like where my life is going. I don't like all the financial difficulties that keep falling on top of us but I'm managing. I know that eventually I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope, hate TV. I do sleep with healing chakra music, though. IT IS MY WAY OF THE NINJA.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Actually usually I can't ^^;;.
55. Do you have good vision?
Heck no, I've worn glasses since, like, fourth grade.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don't hate anyone. There are a number of people I dislike, though.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
VERY little. I avoid it at all costs.
58. The last person you held hands with?
The most adorable five-year-old girl eveeeeeeeeeeeer!
59. What are you wearing?
A t-shirt and some boxer briefs.
60.What is your favorite animal?
Raccoons, rabbits, dogs, and fennec foxes are all about equitable.
61. Where was your favorite picture taken at?
I do not have a favorite picture.
62. Can you hula hoop?
Nope! I'm about as coordinated as a drunken squirrel.
63. Do you have a job?
Not as such, no.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Fucking Keppra that I should have had to pay for...
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep! Many times. I had a tendency to lock myself out of the house a lot as a youth.
Wheee! Commissions!
General | Posted 11 years agoOpening for three more slots! Comment below if you're interested. Look below for le pricing structure...
$10 for a bust shot, inked, and flat colored,
$15 for full body, inked, and flat colored.
$3 for each additional bust character.
$5 for each additional full body character.
$3 each for cell shading.
$5 - $10 for a background, depending on complexity.
SLOTS --
1.
(FINISHED)
2. EMPTY
3. EMPTY
$10 for a bust shot, inked, and flat colored,
$15 for full body, inked, and flat colored.
$3 for each additional bust character.
$5 for each additional full body character.
$3 each for cell shading.
$5 - $10 for a background, depending on complexity.
SLOTS --
1.
(FINISHED)2. EMPTY
3. EMPTY
Gonna be out of it for the next few days,,,
General | Posted 11 years agoI guess I should have seen it coming with all the stress but I had a seizure about an hour ago or so... time's not really my strong suit at the moment. I temporarily took down the remaining open commission slot and the three YCHs. No idea how we're gonna come up with the rest of the money we need but life's a bitch and then you die. Thankfully I was caught up with my art except for one pic, and to him I sincerely apologize but I promise I'll get to it ASAP. Take care everybody,
So... yeah...
General | Posted 11 years agoI put up that adult YCH, but every time I casually glance at it or go to look at it I just get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach @_@. So while I know I need to come up with more interesting YCHs that WILL sell, I don't think porn is my calling. I guess it was a learning experience at least.
Before FA goes down due to this fun flood...
General | Posted 11 years agoPSST! HEY YOU! YOU! THE BOSSY ONE!
General | Posted 11 years agoFor Sale
General | Posted 11 years agoI bought several brand new, and unopened, Apple products over the past couple months in hope of gradually buying into a better desktop. Now that my focus has turned to eradicating debt, I am going to sell them instead. I have available...
1. An Apple wireless keyboard. ($59)
2. A Magic Trackpad. ($59)
3. A Mini DisplayPort to DVI Adapter. ($19)
4. An Apple USB SuperDrive. ($69)
I am offering each for $10 under MSRP if sold separately as said above, or you can take it all as a bundle for $200 with free shipping! Comment below if interested.
1. An Apple wireless keyboard. ($59)
2. A Magic Trackpad. ($59)
3. A Mini DisplayPort to DVI Adapter. ($19)
4. An Apple USB SuperDrive. ($69)
I am offering each for $10 under MSRP if sold separately as said above, or you can take it all as a bundle for $200 with free shipping! Comment below if interested.
Temptation... (Rant Warning)
General | Posted 11 years agoThroughout my history on FurAffinity, and across all three accounts that I've held, I've noticed a decided connection between popularity and the ability to sell commissions. Back when I was Sesame, getting commissions was easy. This was at a time in my life where I understood very little about anatomy, my line art was inconsistent, my hands and paws looked terrible, and I was far from a perfectionist. What I did have, however, was over 600 watchers. I could post a group pic concept, post that I was open for commissions, basically anything I wanted and a few people would always bite. Then I traveled to LemAhnayd, and now I have traveled here, and as a result there really aren't very many of you watchers out there anymore.
Time and time again I have given up on art. In my early days I did a lot of free art, hoping to make people happy, and was mostly met with ingratitude and little else. Later on when I opened commissions things actually went better. I was charging, which I didn't feel I was ready for, but people were paying. But people, it seems, do not care as much about quality as they do about having a picture from an artist with notoriety. Am I stating that I'm a great artist? Far from it! There are many artists that outshine me in many areas. Am I better than I was when I was Sesame? I would say yes, and by a fairly significant margin.
I've quit art three times, the last time with the resolution that I'd never go back to it. I never really enjoyed doing it, it was something that I did because I wanted to gain popularity in the fandom. Now, however, I'm at a very different place in my life. I'm sitting on a substantial pile of debt, I'm fighting to get on disability, I need to get my service dog trained so that I can actually go out in public without being completely traumatized, I'm attempting to take care of Lucca, and my interest in being a furry and the one anthro character I have is pretty much not there. So when I quit, I did so because I didn't want to be someone that did art because I simply wanted popularity. I thought that it was morally repugnant to do it for that reason. So, now that I've returned, I've done so with an entirely different reason. That reason? To support my family.
While I've managed to sell a few YCHs that's been about it so far. I posted two more simple ones, cub themed because that seems to be the general interest of much of my watcher base, and got no bites. So then I thought to myself, perhaps complexity is what's required. If the individual had more capacity for customization, for a background, etc, maybe THAT would sell. Alas, it has not. So here I sit, waiting and hoping, and absolutely nothing is happening.
So anyway, with all of that being said, I have noticed something else. Porn, something that I do not particularly enjoy, DOES sell. People on this website will buy porn all day and never blink an eye. It doesn't have to have complex backgrounds or creativity put into it, just some position where one appendage or object goes into an orifice. I've never attempted to sell porn, I don't WANT to do porn, and building a client base of adult furs would take quite sometime, but I'm starting to think that it's the only way to really get anywhere toward my goal of supporting my family, training my service dog, eradicating this debt, and making sure we still have a roof over our heads two to three years from now.
Anyway, I don't really know why I wrote this. I guess it's just something I needed to get off my chest. Also I guess it's important that you all know that it's something I'm deeply thinking about. At the end of the day I may lose my... somewhat bizarre moral compass... but isn't it worth it to take care of one's family? Any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated.
Time and time again I have given up on art. In my early days I did a lot of free art, hoping to make people happy, and was mostly met with ingratitude and little else. Later on when I opened commissions things actually went better. I was charging, which I didn't feel I was ready for, but people were paying. But people, it seems, do not care as much about quality as they do about having a picture from an artist with notoriety. Am I stating that I'm a great artist? Far from it! There are many artists that outshine me in many areas. Am I better than I was when I was Sesame? I would say yes, and by a fairly significant margin.
I've quit art three times, the last time with the resolution that I'd never go back to it. I never really enjoyed doing it, it was something that I did because I wanted to gain popularity in the fandom. Now, however, I'm at a very different place in my life. I'm sitting on a substantial pile of debt, I'm fighting to get on disability, I need to get my service dog trained so that I can actually go out in public without being completely traumatized, I'm attempting to take care of Lucca, and my interest in being a furry and the one anthro character I have is pretty much not there. So when I quit, I did so because I didn't want to be someone that did art because I simply wanted popularity. I thought that it was morally repugnant to do it for that reason. So, now that I've returned, I've done so with an entirely different reason. That reason? To support my family.
While I've managed to sell a few YCHs that's been about it so far. I posted two more simple ones, cub themed because that seems to be the general interest of much of my watcher base, and got no bites. So then I thought to myself, perhaps complexity is what's required. If the individual had more capacity for customization, for a background, etc, maybe THAT would sell. Alas, it has not. So here I sit, waiting and hoping, and absolutely nothing is happening.
So anyway, with all of that being said, I have noticed something else. Porn, something that I do not particularly enjoy, DOES sell. People on this website will buy porn all day and never blink an eye. It doesn't have to have complex backgrounds or creativity put into it, just some position where one appendage or object goes into an orifice. I've never attempted to sell porn, I don't WANT to do porn, and building a client base of adult furs would take quite sometime, but I'm starting to think that it's the only way to really get anywhere toward my goal of supporting my family, training my service dog, eradicating this debt, and making sure we still have a roof over our heads two to three years from now.
Anyway, I don't really know why I wrote this. I guess it's just something I needed to get off my chest. Also I guess it's important that you all know that it's something I'm deeply thinking about. At the end of the day I may lose my... somewhat bizarre moral compass... but isn't it worth it to take care of one's family? Any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated.
Fred Phelps...
General | Posted 11 years agoI have to admit that when I first heard the news of Fred Phelps' passing, I was glad. I knew somewhere deep inside of me that that wasn't the feeling I should have had as a human being first and a Christian second, but it was my first reaction. The pain that he and the Westboro Baptist Church have caused to so many undeserving families and individuals is immeasurable, but wishing death on anyone, something so final and grim, or celebrating it certainly isn't kind. So while this may not be the most popular thing to say on the subject, I can't really think of anything else that embodies what I believe to be the way we should treat others, even those who aren't the kindest...
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" - Matthew 5:44
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" - Matthew 5:44
I want to know.
General | Posted 11 years agoI want to know what it's like not to be worried.
I want to know what it's like to have everything be okay.
I want to know what it's like to be normal.
I want to know what it's like to not be a statistic.
I want to know what it's like to be competent.
I want to know what it's like to be brave.
I want to know what it's like to not be afraid.
I want to know what it's like to be noticed for something good.
I want to know what it's like to have this burden taken away from me.
I want to know what it's like to have someone want to do something I want to do.
I want to know what it's like to be small again.
I want to know what it's like to not be an adult anymore.
I want to know what it's like to wake up and feel happy.
I want to know what it's like to not have nightmares.
I want to know what it's like to not have panic attacks.
I want to know what it's like to not hyperventilate.
I want to know what it's like for my chest to not feel like it's about to explode.
I want to know what it's like to not feel like I'm walking a tight rope between insanity and death.
I want to know what it's like to feel worthy.
I want to know what it's like to be beloved by everyone.
I want to know what it's like to know what I'm doing wrong.
I want to know what it's like to know what to do right.
I want to know what it's like to not have to worry about debt.
I want to know what it's like to not have to worry about disability being approved or denied.
I want to know what it's like to be good enough that your fiancee trusts you and you're able to make her happy.
I want to know what it's like to allow my fiancee to make me happy.
I want to know what it's like to be spontaneous.
I want to know what it's like to leave the house and not be scared.
I want to know what it's like to not know what people think about me.
I want to know what it's like to have an adult here.
I want to know what it's like to not be alone, even when I'm surrounded by others.
I want to know what it's like to be able to quit wondering what it's like.
I want to know what it's like...
I want to know what it's like to have everything be okay.
I want to know what it's like to be normal.
I want to know what it's like to not be a statistic.
I want to know what it's like to be competent.
I want to know what it's like to be brave.
I want to know what it's like to not be afraid.
I want to know what it's like to be noticed for something good.
I want to know what it's like to have this burden taken away from me.
I want to know what it's like to have someone want to do something I want to do.
I want to know what it's like to be small again.
I want to know what it's like to not be an adult anymore.
I want to know what it's like to wake up and feel happy.
I want to know what it's like to not have nightmares.
I want to know what it's like to not have panic attacks.
I want to know what it's like to not hyperventilate.
I want to know what it's like for my chest to not feel like it's about to explode.
I want to know what it's like to not feel like I'm walking a tight rope between insanity and death.
I want to know what it's like to feel worthy.
I want to know what it's like to be beloved by everyone.
I want to know what it's like to know what I'm doing wrong.
I want to know what it's like to know what to do right.
I want to know what it's like to not have to worry about debt.
I want to know what it's like to not have to worry about disability being approved or denied.
I want to know what it's like to be good enough that your fiancee trusts you and you're able to make her happy.
I want to know what it's like to allow my fiancee to make me happy.
I want to know what it's like to be spontaneous.
I want to know what it's like to leave the house and not be scared.
I want to know what it's like to not know what people think about me.
I want to know what it's like to have an adult here.
I want to know what it's like to not be alone, even when I'm surrounded by others.
I want to know what it's like to be able to quit wondering what it's like.
I want to know what it's like...
Two YCH Poses for Sale!
General | Posted 11 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/12970882/ - Spring Love! Only $10!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12998693/ - Kigurumi baby! Only $15!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12998693/ - Kigurumi baby! Only $15!
I'm such an terrible person -_-...
General | Posted 12 years agoYesterday was... a difficult day, to say the least. From the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep I felt terrible, and I felt like I was losing my mind. It was sort of like being around a dementor, for those of you who are familiar with Harry Potter. I just felt like I'd never feel happiness again. It was a day in which my depression was so deep that my body literally ached, everything felt surreal, I wanted to die (not kill myself, promise, not brave enough for that), and just sleep. However, I forced myself to stay awake. I kept myself as busy as I could, and ended up closing the laptop for awhile.
Anyway, I got back online a little later and someone who, for lack of a better word to describe them, is my best friend greeted me. We were talking back and forth and having some silly banter, and I was actually happy. Then he quit talking for a few minutes, because he was drawing, something that he always does and certainly isn't his fault, and my mind just went into paranoid overdrive. I thought that I had annoyed him, that I had said something wrong, that he hated me. So my whole mind just shut down and that little bit of happiness I'd attained withered away. I closed the laptop, made the coffee for today, and went to bed.
So here I am, awake at 6:30 PT, with my Skype open. He actually... apologized to me. It wasn't even his fault. He's just this really incredible guy that I know has a huge heart and actually cares about how I feel and I let my mind go wild. I feel terrible that he apologized to me, because he had no reason to. Nothing he did was wrong, and it was just my crazy mental state. I just... really can't wait to see a psychiatrist. It's still something that scares me, but I don't want to lose the few true friends that I have. Each of them mean so much to me, and a life without them just wouldn't be worth it.
I think that the worst part of it, aside from doing that to my best friend, is how badly days like this hurt Lucca. She gets frustrated with herself and she feels like it's her fault. She feels like she should be able to always make me happy. I tried to explain to her, as best I could, that I'm sick; that it's not her fault and there isn't anything she can do to change it. It just makes me worry that eventually she's going to get fed up with me and walk away from this relationship. I know that what we have isn't perfect, and that I have my own set of complaints and she has plenty of her own, but I really love her... with all my heart. There have even been times where I've thought about leaving myself, but then I sit back and I try to imagine my life without her and it doesn't feel right. I've never been with someone before that loves me despite my faults, that shows me compassion despite my mental issues. I've never found someone who knows when I'm troubled, and cares about every little concern I have. Then in return, I can't even bring myself to tell her how I feel half of the time because I was raised to be a proper Southern gentleman, and not talk about my feelings, but here I am... typing them out.
I resolved when I woke up today that I'd be happy. That I'd be the sort of man that Lucca wants me to be, and that my friends deserve. I'm not really sure how to accomplish that, but I'm going to do my best. How I feel effects how Lucca feels, how my best friend feels, how all my friends feel. I can't lose the first two and I certainly don't want to lose the rest. So, if you've read this, just cheer me on, alright? Send positive vibes my way, think positive thoughts. I don't want hugs or pity, I just want to be happy for them.
Anyway... thanks for reading ^^.
Anyway, I got back online a little later and someone who, for lack of a better word to describe them, is my best friend greeted me. We were talking back and forth and having some silly banter, and I was actually happy. Then he quit talking for a few minutes, because he was drawing, something that he always does and certainly isn't his fault, and my mind just went into paranoid overdrive. I thought that I had annoyed him, that I had said something wrong, that he hated me. So my whole mind just shut down and that little bit of happiness I'd attained withered away. I closed the laptop, made the coffee for today, and went to bed.
So here I am, awake at 6:30 PT, with my Skype open. He actually... apologized to me. It wasn't even his fault. He's just this really incredible guy that I know has a huge heart and actually cares about how I feel and I let my mind go wild. I feel terrible that he apologized to me, because he had no reason to. Nothing he did was wrong, and it was just my crazy mental state. I just... really can't wait to see a psychiatrist. It's still something that scares me, but I don't want to lose the few true friends that I have. Each of them mean so much to me, and a life without them just wouldn't be worth it.
I think that the worst part of it, aside from doing that to my best friend, is how badly days like this hurt Lucca. She gets frustrated with herself and she feels like it's her fault. She feels like she should be able to always make me happy. I tried to explain to her, as best I could, that I'm sick; that it's not her fault and there isn't anything she can do to change it. It just makes me worry that eventually she's going to get fed up with me and walk away from this relationship. I know that what we have isn't perfect, and that I have my own set of complaints and she has plenty of her own, but I really love her... with all my heart. There have even been times where I've thought about leaving myself, but then I sit back and I try to imagine my life without her and it doesn't feel right. I've never been with someone before that loves me despite my faults, that shows me compassion despite my mental issues. I've never found someone who knows when I'm troubled, and cares about every little concern I have. Then in return, I can't even bring myself to tell her how I feel half of the time because I was raised to be a proper Southern gentleman, and not talk about my feelings, but here I am... typing them out.
I resolved when I woke up today that I'd be happy. That I'd be the sort of man that Lucca wants me to be, and that my friends deserve. I'm not really sure how to accomplish that, but I'm going to do my best. How I feel effects how Lucca feels, how my best friend feels, how all my friends feel. I can't lose the first two and I certainly don't want to lose the rest. So, if you've read this, just cheer me on, alright? Send positive vibes my way, think positive thoughts. I don't want hugs or pity, I just want to be happy for them.
Anyway... thanks for reading ^^.
