So, life update, I've been having some mental health crises this year. Severe executive dysfunction. Can't draw for shit. I do these half for the money but half to light a fire under my ass. Usually my friends poke me, but this year, all of us - including most of my clients - were going through it.

But Gmar Tov, I'ma try to put it right with y'all in the spirit of the season.

All the slots I didn't fill over the course of this year will be drawn at the same price.

(1) Passport (Ealadubh), single image (marlin)
(2) Hike (Marsbunny), single image (bunny)
(3) Sun (Jenorafeuer)
(4) Nomadic (Ealadubh), short comic (camel)
(5) Snacks (Ealadubh), comic (swine)
(6) Guidebook (Ealadubh)
(7) Uncharted (Ealadubh)
(8) Camp (Ealadubh)
(9) Scarecrow (Austindern), single image
(10) Navigator (Marsbunny), single image

To prevent burnout, I'm gonna alternate them with this year's slots, which will be limited, and which I reserve the right to cap early if I hit my limits.

(1) Potion + Classic (Ealadubh), two pieces (swine)
(2) Swift (Ealadubh), (horse)
(3) Anxiety (Twiggy)
(4)
(5)
(6)
(7)
(8)
(9)
(10)


Prices are $30-40 per half page of the paper - sliding scale, think of it like a tip! I'm a hippie! - And an extra $5 for every inset panel, or for every third/fourth/fifth panels on a comic page. (It's cheaper than ever before to do a proper comic!)

PROMPTS for this year:
SHOWTIME. clean. WATCH. four. STORM. stuffed. PAIR. star. MELODY. again. HAUNTED. accident. STUCK. round. DIGITAL. voice. SUNSET. treasure. NEON. school. SWIFT. tired. MISCHIEF. winter. NOVICE. powder. ANXIETY. button. CANDY (halloween).

Feel free to comment, send a note or reach out on Telegram (@anxiousounce) with your choice of slot! If someone already has the one you wanted, I can totally draw it twice and put you on a day no one claimed. Enjoy your new bodies.

A comically long story shortened.

Me and  Seadog_driftwood will be attending MFF together.

He and I had a room. Then "Byte" invited me to one in Main, for cheaper. I canceled the room and we paid the deposit. Then it turned out Byte was a scam and the room confo was fake. I thought he was just also autistic and reticent to share info, but.
Timo, whom Byte had kicked out of the room, invited me and Seadog to the one he'd bought. We paid our deposits. Then it turned out the evidence he'd given me was fake.
I'm autistic, I'm sorry, I trust autistic people, and we've both been in the Fandom since it was much smaller and scammers didn't have such big fish to jet...

We found a couch in a DJ's hotel room, and need to pay for that at the hotel itseld. I made this in hopes it'll give me some room to breathe and make rent without relying on Artist's Alley to save me.
https://gofund.me/6b1d31fe

Anyway, come say hi! We'll be all three days at the con and I'm aiming for the conlang meetup.

I've finished drawing just about all of last year's, so I don't have to worry about overflow taking up slots this year!

For my health, I won't be doing every day a commission; I need to make some of them that I can just experiment; I've bought new inks and nibs that I'm slowly getting better with! So if you're curious, feel free to ask!

Prices are $30-40 per half page of the paper - sliding scale, think of it like a tip! I'm a hippie! - And an extra $5 for every inset panel of more than three pages. (It's cheaper than ever before to do a proper comic!

This year's slots! (If you want the regular TFTober prompt, you can totally ask for it.)
1: Backpack -  Ealadubh (burro) ✔️
2: Discover - ✔️
3: Boots -  Ealadubh (cow)
4: Exotic -
5: Binoculars - ✔️
6: Trek -✔️
7: Passport -  Ealadubh
8: Hike -  Marsbunny
9: Sun -  Jenorafeuer
10: Nomadic -  Ealadubh (camel)
11: Snacks -  Ealadubh
12: Remote - ✔️
13: Horizon ✔️
14: Roam
15: Guidebook -  Ealadubh
16: Grungy -
17: Journal -
18: Drive -
19: Ridge -
20: Uncharted -  Ealadubh
21: Rhinoceros -
22: Camp -  Ealadubh
23: Rust -
24: Expedition -
25: Scarecrow -  Austindern
26: Camera -
27: Road -
28: Jumbo -
29: Navigator -  Marsbunny
30: Violin -
31: Landmark -

Feel free to comment, send a note or reach out on Telegram (@anxiousounce) with your choice of slot! If someone already has the one you wanted, I can totally draw it twice and put you on a day no one claimed.

Enjoy your new bodies! It doesn't have to be TF. But we can all agree that everything is just a little more fun with it. And scarier, and more alive.

Stay tuned! I've been fighting brainfog all week to post this and finish the last drawing and a half from last year, so wish me well.

I've also got a digital station I'm setting up, with cintiq and scanner! So I can finally scan my fifty billion things I've drawn since 2019 as casually as I've been drawing them, all my sketches, not just my polished work. There are roughly fifty small piles of paper on my living room carpet, organized by project. Thank God I don't have a pet.

I can't wait to get into the swing again.

Due to *opens wallet and moth flies out* after the medical illustration fiasco and major burnout, I'm gonna bite the bullet and open for inktobers again! Everyone whom I didn't get to last year get added in!
I'm planning for this one, I've got all my materials and a dedicated workstation and I've got sabbatical days planned. We'll see if this works!

You guys save money because of inflation - due to fair pricing for them, my prices are still $25-35 per half page of the paper (sliding scale! More money, more details!) and an extra $5 for every inset panel. For samples, see... .my gallery, honestly, I gotta post more.

The slots this year:
1: Nightmare - Jenora Feuer
2: Spiders
3: Path
4: Weather - Momdogellie
5: Map - Penumbrus
6: Golden -  Austin_Dern
7: Drip - Dizfoley
8: (sabbatical)
9: Irony -  Ealadubh
10: Fortune -  Ealadubh
11: Wander - SilverGryphon
12: Spicy - Penumbrus
13: Castle -  Ealadubh
14: Dagger
15: (sabbatical)
16: Angel -  Vyreum
17: Demon - Vyreum
18: Saddle - Sparhawk
19: Plump - Seadog
20: Frost
21: Chains - Twiggy
22: Midnight - Ealadubh
23: (sabbatical)
24: Dream -  Multirper
25: Dangerous
26: Beast - Ealadubh
27: (sabbatical)
28: Sparkle
29: Massive - Seadog
30: Trick - Lappi
31: Fire

Feel free to comment or reach out on Telegram (@anxiousounce) with your choice of slot! If someone already has the one you wanted, I can totally draw it twice and put you on a day no one claimed.

The spooky is almost upon us!

I thought I already made this journal, but better late than never! I'm headed to my first anthrocon, and to cover the cost of the bus ticket, I'm taking acrylic-on-card badge commissions!

EXAMPLE EXAMPLE EXAMPLE.

$50 in advance, to be delivered at Anthrocon in Artist's Alley. If you're not going to anthrocon, I'll mail it to you for the cost of postage. If you're there but we don't see each other, I'll eat the stamp and send it.

$55-60 to have me draw it at the table - which, at last, I can do. Bless the acrylic pen.

Slots -
1. Eris (Telegram)
2.
3.
4.
5.

שנה טובה, all. .אַ גוט געבענטשט יאָר New year, new me! I'm gonna try to post more of the furry art I've completed in the past four years, which I'm scanning as fast as I can.
Figured I'd write all this down in one spot everyone can see.

The rest of QUEUE in order of completion, snapshot on - if you're not on here, poke me. Many of these are drawn and scanned and only await minor color corrections.,m
Fenchurch - sketch series
Gravecat - Color Inkwash fullpage
thebeast76 - Inkwash comic (2 pages)
Kodalynx - blackwing series ("Stoicism")
Fringecrow - Inkwash fullpage series ("Jump")
ErisGriffon - Color Inkwash Fullpage ("Cigarettes")
Kodalynx - blackwing series ("Contagious Arrangements")
Stryker Redwolf on Telegram - full page inkwash (cat yawn)
seadog_driftwood - Color Inkwash fullpage (Groen Hasje)
Nillow on telegram - FPI (pose index)
Kjatar on Telegram - Fullpage color petri inkwash
Lupinia on Telegram - Halfpage petri inkwash
Kodalynx - Color Inkwash series ("Caught in the Rain")
Fakeman - Find the icons (ongoing)
Kodalynx - blackwing comic (Kung Fu piece)


Now, the Inktober slots! (sliding scale, $25-35 per half page: more money means more detail! +5 per inset panel means comics and sequences are cheaper than ever this year!)
The announcement submission:
1: Mystery -  Ealadubh
2: Charge -
3: Switch -
4: Glitch -  Myuphrid
5: Flight -  Ealadubh
[6: Party -  Amethystine
7: Water -  Ealadubh
8: Retro -
9: Space -  JenoraFeuer *
10: Holiday -
11: Spirit - :iconJenoraFeuer
12: Abstract -
13: Image -  Ealadubh
14: Crystal -  Myuphrid
15: Shock -  Scrutiny77 *
16: Snow -  Ealadubh
17: Curse -  Ealadubh
18: Hidden -  Amethystine
19: Rebirth -  Ealadubh
20: Auto - Lappi, Silvergriffin (I'll probably draw the next on for "reality," they both claimed it at the same time)
21: Reality (virtual or otherwise!) -
22: Science -  JenoraFeuer *
23: Jewelry -  Silvergryphon - human to gryphon F with piercing
24: Weather -  Momdogellie - artistic freedom
25: Fortune -  Ealadubh
26: Ability -
27: Irony -  Ealadubh
28: Midnight -  Ealadubh
29: Dream -  Multirper
30: Trick - Lappi
31: Treat -

If I didn't see you already claim one of these, just reply below! If I'm double booked, I'll just draw your idea in one of of the days nobody booked anything.

You're paying my medical bills / site hosting / storage / rent / buying mama a replacement wrist brace, so let's praise his name by what we give to his servants.

---

("How's your new chauffeur job?"
"I got it made! New boss is Jewish, so I get all the holidays off! Hanukkah, Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah..."
"Which one's Rosh Hashanah?"
"That's the one where they blow the shofar."
"Boy, you DO have it made.")

Alright, so I'll be at MFF. And dusting off the equipment was definitely bizarre. But it's good to be back. And scary to see what's changed.

I'll be rooming with friends, but would prefer the hotel room to be private, as I'm in no position to invite anyone up.

So I'm still aiming for my artist's alley table.
Will have:
Bags of tea
Block Prints for sale
Tarot readings
Timed commissions at the table, as always!
Original art you can buy!
And I also have several sheets of the first issue of "Untitled Animorphs Zine," but there's no time to collate and print the latter issues. I'll try to find time to staple and cut the sheets. Those will be for sale. The prints I have of the first run of "Werewolves of Austin" are display only. Many of them have disappeared.
And my ukulele, but I probably won't play it anywhere it can annoy people, so don't ask.

Changes from previous years:
The custom silk fans are no longer made at-table, since I can't carry my acrylics. But you're perfectly good commissioning one from me.
The tea will no longer have honey, since I'm tired of risking honey exploding in my bags.
For sanitary reasons, my usual jar of espresso beans has been replaced with individually wrapped starburst.
And I've got some old books I'm getting out of the house, so who knows, maybe I can sell you one?

Will be at:
The opera panel, the artist's alley, and any TF panel I have the chance to.

My phone will be on extreme power saving mode the entire time, so I'll ONLY respond to telegram messages in a timely manner.

And just... have fun, see y'all there! Stay masked, stay safe, use protection, and don't stay in morph longer than two hours.

*taps the side of her glass with her knife, ready to make an announcement*

So, as most of you know, I scan my art at my college's library, using their scanners. I use their photoshop to edit the images, to paste together the inkscreens, change colors, add overlays, everything - it's almost all partly traditional and relies on those tools.

The library, as part of the college president's continuing fever for security, announced three weeks ago, just as I arrived, that Alumni… let's see. We can't get alumni IDs anymore, we're not allowed in college buildings without state ID and being called in for two security checks, we're not allowed this, we're not allowed that.

We're also no longer allowed to use library equipment - meaning the computer, the scanners, all technology, and Adobe creative suite. And every program requires a student-assigned login. I'm just… blown away by how cold this is.

I've used those scanners for just barely six years, and it's where I've basically all but piloted my career from. It was where I assembled my portfolio pieces, and put up my pieces for Furaffinity and Patreon. (I'm using my quite old laptop in the interim, and a home computer that's still on Windows 7.) Now I'm restricted to two hours a day at one of two "guest" computers across from the library front desk, which will be 90% viruses within a month.

Accordingly, for the time being, I'm kinda paralyzed, unable to do anything in inkscreen, or to assemble the page layouts I was working on at the time I lost access. For two weeks I've been churning in the water, drawing traditional comics pages so my hands didn't go numb, because I can't do anything else - and practicing my watercolor skills now that I'm doing that again.

TL;DR, I can't do art the way I did. Now I'll do what I can:

Until I can save enough for a quality scanner, here's my plan.

*Sell watercolor-on-cardboard commissions
*Paint them
*IF THEY'RE BIG: Scan them at the public library's scanners, which are crude but they work relatively well for big watercolor pieces, as long as I optimize it for the scanner bed. (I'm on good terms with the staff, hopefully I won't run into any problems with this bit.)
IF THEY'RE SMALL: use the home scanner that's less crude but still too small.
*Post and send them at the highest possible resolution
*Mail them for a little bit extra

It's a rough time, my rent is coming due, and my website and dropbox annual fees both collect in September, and saving for MFF. But on top of that, I want to save up for a scanner of my own so I don't have to rely on any garbage like this ever happening again.

So here's what I'm thinking - All prices in USD. Turnaround time: Two weeks. Progress shots visible.

2"x5" ("Scrap") - $25
4"x7" ("Padback") - $50
8x12" - 10"x14" ("Cereal box") - $75

I'll draw anything up to three characters and without a fussy amount of detail. The usual TOS apply - no cub, no hate, no guns - and if you have any other questions, please ask.

Samples:
Here's a scrap I made last month, so you can see how I work in a ridiculous amount of detail for such tiny sizes! And always strong colors.
Some of my early Padback work!
And some of my newest padback work! Same size, three and a half years later!
And see the variety of textures I can fit on a single cereal box!
And finally, my most recent finished piece in the medium NOT under NDA!

=================================

ALSO: I'm opening for Kinktober slots within a couple of days! Keep your eyes peeled, I'll make that a full submission!

Kinktober slots will be done in ink wash, between 8.5"x5.5" to 11". Here's some samples from last year!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28880105
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29242611/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/29095269/
$20 each, they'll be scanned using a smaller home scanner and don't require any photoshop work, so I can post those on time the day of! I want to get practice at that.

=================================

Best of all, if you're at MFF, I can hand you the art for free in the artist's alley.

*Salutes* I'm moving in a new phase of my career… not by choice, but I'm moving in it. I look forward to exploring it with you!

-Lilac Ounce

I don't know how else I was gonna announce it!

https://www.patreon.com/Lilacounce
https://www.patreon.com/Lilacounce
https://www.patreon.com/Lilacounce

I've finally made a patreon! I did it in time to get legacy pricing, too, which is nice.

I'm selling a mixed bag, because everybody had something else they wanted me to include. There's so much on there I'd appreciate advice in paring it all down.

In the early tiers, you get art and music and works in progress, but as you go up, you get tarot readings, merchandise discounts, print discounts, access to texture packs I'm making, and finally at the top, a sketch every month. Tried some real fast tonight just to see if I can do them, and just posted them, and they look legit.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31473546/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/31473477/

And soon I'll be putting polls up on there, what I should do next. Songs to cover, art techniques to try, themes for sketches.

SO! Throw some cash my way and keep an eye on this, for exciting new developments in the lilacverse! If all goes well, I'll be able to spare the time (and get the audience) to animate things again! I miss animating things so much. And once the tiers are high enough, I'll draw out the entire Lilac Tarot in color, and (end goal) sometime in the next few years get it professionally printed and everything!

After a lot of mishegoss, and travel and meeting friends, I finally had fun

I'm blowing off a panel to hang with roommates, but here's my schedule

4:00 PM: doing iron artist for Cheasydino's TF panel

11:00: Ang's TF panel

Tomorrow I'll spend the whole day in Artist's alley, selling fans, prints, tea and tarot, and doing Inkwash drawings!

See y'all there

Where are you staying?
The Loews!

What day are you getting there?
Friday morning! I live in the city but it's just long enough away to be not worth taking public transit up every day and then getting half an hour of sleep and then getting up and doing it all over again.!

Who will you be rooming with?
 Furelyse, the room's in her name... Nellie Bly, and her husband.

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Ideally, everyone! Gonna try to meet up with some people and reconnect with others. Give a shout out to the Doc. I'ma play this fast and loose and see what happens.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Definitely the TF panels, maybe some ones about worldbuilding and art if I have nothing better to do with my time.

Will you be suiting?
I wish! Nah, don't have a suit

How old are you?
Legal! (23.)

Gender
Female (trans)

Pronouns
She/Her!

Relationship Status
Polycule recently dissolved, and I'm not actively looking... but I'm not gonna say no to whatever happens!

How tall are you?
6'2, 3" ish

Can I talk to you?
Yes! By all means. I'm face blind, so I'll be reading your badge a lot.

Can I touch you?
*bats her eyelashes* Only if you keep your hands where I can see them!

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Yes. I'm very physically affectionate. (I use my knuckles when I hug, let me know if it's emotionally uncomfy.) I ALSO am four months into HRT and have very sensitive titties. Painful. So no slamming into my chest from across the room.

How can I contact you?
Probably not on FA as often? Twitter notes are good, telegram is ideal. My phone battery is GARBAGE, so if I don't see your requests, don't take it personally. I think my twitter might be safest.

How can I find you?
Twitter: Anxiousounce
FA: Liimlsan
Telegram: Anxiousounce

Can I visit your room?
We're a long walk away. We're also going for kind of a... girl's slumber party vibe, dig? Privacy helps with that.

Attending parties?
I hope so! Don't hestitate to invite me. Especially if any other naturists are throwing parties, I really miss the community in Chicago since certain people left.

Can I buy you drinks?
Sure! I'm not a big drinker, but it also takes gallons to actually get me sloshed. So I'll say yes.

Can I give you stuff?
Only if I know it came from you *bats eyelashes again*

Are you nice?
To a debilitating extent, darling.

Do you have an artist table?
Hopefully!
Here's sort of what I've got:
Block Prints for sale, carving and stamping prints
Inkwash drawings, done on the spot
Painting acrylic fans for people
AND
The Lilac Tarot! I'll be charging for three and five card readings. You're gonna be the testers of a new deck, where I'm testing out a range of bizarre design changes. (The addition of the Suit of Skulls is only the half of it!)

Will you have art in the Art Show? General or Adult sections?
Yes! Hopefully I can get it all framed in time.

Where will you be most of the time during the days?
Probably doodling, chatting artists, wandering around, maybe playing the ukelele.

What/where will you be eating?
I don't drive, so what I usually do is carry a giant backpack of food. Sandwiches... pate... oatmeal... tea. I've got so much tea I may sell teabags and cups.
That said! If anyone wants to invite me along to eat, I'll gladly accompany them. I find food brings animals together well.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
If you ask first and you're a good person, I'll probably say yes!

Can I take a picture of you?
Only if you're in it too! I'm very paranoid about things like this. I like giving my friends memories and mementoes, but I can only take so much of that!

For $15 per character per slot, I'm open for kinktober commissions!

The remaining kinks can be seen here (UPDATED)
https://twitter.com/Anxiousounce/st.....795769856?s=20

ANY KINK IN ALL CAPS WITH UNDERSCORES FOLLOWING IT HAS NOT YET BEEN CLAIMED!

You can also contact me here! I'll keep a tally.

I CAN'T TAKE ON DAYS AFTER THEY'VE PASSED. So sorry.

1:  Liimlsan
2:  Snowypenguin
3:  Lilacounce
4: Raven (moved to sixth)
5: Penumbrus
6: SECRET - it's a gift!
7: Gryph
8:  Lilacounce
9:  liimlsan
10:  Anxiousounce
11:  phantom-berzerker
12: Food:  liimlsan
13: Exhibitionism :iconLilacounce
14: Sweat  Penumbrus
15: Ice Cubes  Penumbrus
16: Sex Machine  carissa-vixen
17: Hair  CobaltK
18: SENSATION PLAY_________
19: SCISSORING_______
20:  Myuphrid
21: FROTTING______
22: Breathplay: Heels
23: PANTIES______
24: Supernatural  Maxi-rover
25: PREMATURE__________
26: MASTURBATION_________
27: ROLEPLAY__________
28: THREESOME_________
29: Bondage  Maxi-Rover
30: CONDOMS __________
31: Aftercare -  MarbleGoat,  Squeakae, and I can take as many of these as come! Aftercare is fun.

It's been almost a year and a half since I did one of these. Fun, right? Stolen from  Nicnak044!

Where are you staying?
Holiday Inn Express! 111 Lombard.

What day are you getting there?
Thursday afternoon! Aim on spending the time with  Seadogdriftwood, checking into the hotel, and seeing who wants to be with whom.

Who will you be rooming with?
 Scaler-The-Hybrid

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Hopefully a few different people, like  SkylarFalcon ,  Wolfpsalm,  Lisky and whoever else is around.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
I haven't even looked! Probably Mal's D&D panel and a few of the kink ones. For myself, a TF panel Sat 11 AM and a Commission panel Sunday at 9, I've gotta remember those... Glad Clumzy's addressing theft.

Will you be suiting?
Don't have one yet!

How old are you?
Look at me, I'm 23, lousy with virginity (Actually I lost it when I was 14, haha, so who gives a shit)

Gender
Female (finally)

Pronouns
She/Her

Relationship Status
Single and looking to carry a few friendships into the benefits territory, if all goes right <3

How tall are you?
6'3". I stand out in crowds.

Can I talk to you?
By all means! I warn you I run out of conversational spoons pretty fast.

Can I touch you?
If you ask, I'll probably say yes!

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are fine, snuggles are welcome as long as you're not malodorous!

How can I contact you?
My twitter anxiousounce will be my main hub. Contact me there.

How can I find you?
I'll be the tall girl with Veronica Lake hair, glasses, and a homemade badge on a little purple collar. I'll probably be carrying a blue ukelele. On saturday, I've got neon green Cartoon Network socks. Who knows.

Can I visit your room?
If Dom's okay, then... *pats bed*

Attending parties?
If I hear of any! My friends are... fun

Can I buy you drinks?
I'll warn you I'm a slut with a few of them in me. Actually, that's not so much of a warning.

Can I give you stuff?
Uh, sure! Just as long as I can bring it below the border later!

Are you nice?
Hopefully.

Do you have an artist table?
I d'aint. I WILL, however, bring some of my prints, which I usually carry around as needed. Which will, if you're a border guard reading this, not be for sale, but if you want to make a donation commensurate to their value, then I can trade a print for a donation.

Will you have art in the Art Show? General or Adult sections?
I wish! No.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
"Lilac" is a good name. You can call me. Do the whistle from "The Court Jester," I'll guaranteed reply. "To whom do I hum, to whom?"

Where will you be most of the time during the days?
Kinda puttering around, drawing, maybe drinking tea!

What/where will you be eating?
I took a lot of oatmeal and disposable cups! Most days, I want to eat with friends, as possible. Saturday night, I'm still open for dinner plans! And I think Sunday night I'll do some cooking at a friend's place but no promises yet.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
If my pals say yes! I'm one of those "more the merrier" types.

Can I take a picture of you?
Tag me on twitter at "Anxiousounce," by all means!

TELL ME IF YOU'RE GOING, I wanna see y'all, I wanna meet up!
Butterflies in my stomach! My bus leaves in 22 hours. I'm not even fully packed. First time out of the country unaccompanied, dang.

I've been absent, and for that I'm sorry.

SEPTEMBER
My sister started her freshman year of college as I started my senior year - but while I was staying in Chicago, she's left for Minnesota. I've been drifting out of contact with her, but it is rather nice to cook or apply makeup without her critical eye for it, it was withering for someone like me who's shit at those tasks. But my parents were drifting out of empty nest syndrome.
I started my senior year on the gender-neutral floor of a dorm building. It was a rather nice room, though I realize I should have sprung for a two-person rather than a four-person. They were uncomfortably uptight, they had glade air fresheners in every outlet and glass ornaments and wooden plaques with inspirational slogans on them. It was like living with someone's aunt.
So: to make space for a dresser to make space under my bed (it was a very cramped living space), I removed the big heavy sliding doors from the closet when I moved in. Later that night, I needed to move those doors to access the outlet next to my bed. The door slipped from between my fingers and fell across the toes of my left foot. The little toes were numb for days, but seemed to be alright. But you know how nails are convex? The pressure forced the nail of my big toe downward and it ripped out of my skin on all sides. I'm now minus one toenail, in excruciating pain, foot covered in blood (to an autistic person who gets sensory overload, all pain is excruciating. My brain can't tune it out. It hurts just as badly three hours later as it does when it began).
This is my first day, so I have no first aid equipment. My incoherent screams draw my roommate, I plead for him to get the R.A. for gauze and bandages and antiseptic. Discarding all lower clothing (as a former Scout, that's your reflex is to remove any clothing that would pass over the injury site and possibly infect or irritate it), I washed it off in the bathroom and wiped off the blood as best I could.
When the R.A. came, she was unwilling to enter the bathroom, but I persuaded her through my screams to leave the bandages and neosporin and such on the counter next to the door. I had no means of shielding myself other than the ones I used - I hadn't even showered in here, I had no towel yet, and all the towels were owned by the roommate who faints at the sight of blood. Throughout, I was screaming at myself as well, for being so incompetent as to drop a door on my foot. Mentally drained and short of blood, I bandaged it and slept for ten hours. The next morning I cleaned off the blood.
Four days later, I was called into the office and informed that she was uncomfortable with how all this went down, but I assumed that meant we were working on it.
Six days after the incident, I was called into the office again, and informed that the R.A. had filed a Title IX case, feeling sexually uncomfortable with a trans woman screaming incoherently, half naked, and covered in blood. This being my third strike, and to avoid proximity to her, my housing contract was revoked (read: kicked out of, and now banned from, every dorm in the college). That night, I called my parents for the car, and systematically RE-packed everything I'd unpacked six days ago, and that was that.
Having lived in the dorm for less than a week, I was eligible for a refund.
Since then, I've commuted to class from home, a couple hours as it goes. My therapist and I agree that even if I found off-campus housing, it wouldn't change my essential anxiety about this. This is now my ninth living space over a three-year span of college. I never want to have another blind roommate ever again (my parents never had roommates they didn't already know, so they're sympathetic and amazed I survived so long). All my anxieties about being too autistic to live with people appear to have been validated. The wound was infected for a while, but now, against all odds, I'm growing a tiny stub of toenail back. It'll probably be all gross and fucked up, but at least I'll have it. I keep trying to open doors with my stocking foot or scratch myself with my bare toes, and don't notice that I still lack that nail. Very soft and strange.
So that sucks. I'm now living at home and banned from the dorm system. I meant to tell you this two months ago. I'm just... I'm recovering.

OCTOBER
Taking part in a proprietary Portfolio Development class, and it's led to me getting an actual website and portfolio up, and a working reel.
Also, I've been promoted to ART DIRECTOR of the student group senior film I'm on... responsible for the color models, layouts, and supervising our background painter... but since we have nine people (the other film has 22), it's nice to be able to discuss things and introduce random new ideas, but it also means it's a fuckton of film work. We've got the reel all but completed, story all but set. So now I'll be swamped.
My point is that furry artwork has been very low in output from me.

NOVEMBER
Like most of Chicago, I drank myself blind the night they won. It was Tokyo on the day of the parade, though. Five million people. Biggest gathering of people in the history of the Western Hemisphere, and biggest secular gathering ever recorded. Bizarre to think about.
Monday, I managed to sign up for classes. Probably going to start tailoring myself for preproduction art, it seems to be the part of the process that interests and fires me up the most. And I have an apparent skill for asking the questions an audience would ask, or thinking of ideas in terms of the unmade film.
I spent Tuesday evening crying in a Canadian's arms. I'm really, really fucking scared for myself now. All my dresses, skirts, makeup, bras, whatever, are all in a bag in the back of my closet until I know for a fact it's safe. Marched in the Chicago protests, got the news about Onyx, Kodalynx's cat down there. If anyone wants to join an antifa league, I'm down. Until we make the streets safe for minorities again, I'm redoing all my schedules so I'll be home earlier and safer in the evening. Tomorrow I discuss with my therapist, having already informed my psychiatrist, that I may choose to get my gender legally changed in the next couple of months, while it's still an option. Really fucking scared. If any of you know a good way around Canada's closing the greencard marriage loophole (or whatever color card they have), let me know. (You know me and how familiar I am with Canadian culture, customs and history, as well as how vulnerable I am as a trans queer neurodivergent communist in Trump's America, I'm not just fly-by-night about the possibility.)

Through this entire time I'm monitoring my health. I've had almost constant heartburn that I'm not sure isn't an ulcer,, and physical heart pain and soreness from beating anxiously too often and staying awake too often. It may be enlarged. Pray for me in that. Also learned that I probably have a low form of asthma - it doesn't impact me unless I'm toking, then it punches me in the lungs. Burning lungs, burning stomach, burning heart, increased body temperature, achy joints, and I've been having migraine headaches and extreme sensitivity to light. I've become so anxious the stress hormones are building in me and fucking me up. Everything just hurts, low burning. Maybe there's some malnutrition involved. More bananas. I want to start a band before I die. Building up my musical skills. Far behind in my book reading. Drawing now feels like a strange indulgence and I think I'm losing my visual grammar... I miss Mike Sporn so much. 2016 can eat a dick.

Alright.

I... I don't like to call people stupid...

But I can't conceive of why anyone who thought about it for more than two seconds would think a "Leave" vote would do anything the UKIP promised.

Seriously, none of their promises (increased economic power, closed borders, less red tape) make any practical sense.


*Why did anyone think that the world's fifth biggest economy pulling out of the world's biggest market would affect investor confidence? Why did they forget that investor confidence influences fiat currency?

*Why did anyone assume that they'd still "get" single market and freedom of movement when (A) They'd be the ones who take their ball and go home and would be in no position to negotiate any of these matters, and (B) a significant part of the appeal to a lot of the leave voters IS split market and impediment of movement and immigration?

*There are three million UK citizens residing around the EU and two million EU citizens residing in the UK. Nigel pretended they didn't matter.

*This would trap your youth on the most depressing island yet inhabited. Think of your children, who had the entire continent spread before them, and now it's gone.

*You've torpedoed basically every pan-european collaboration in small business or art that involves you. As an animator, I keep seeing stories of animation moving out of the UK because producing the film outside the EU would be too much red tape.

*Who thought the factories that closed in the Thatcher era would whirr to life? They didn't close because Britain didn't need them, they closed because the world no longer needed them. There are factories around the world which can deliver faster, cheaper, or better product, and cutting Britain off from them will only increase prices, require further subsidy, all sorts of things.

*Yes, the poverty and degradation Britain has endured under conservative governments is not good. However, splitting yourself off from your biggest market will not make the poverty any better. A market that, I repeat, is the extension of the Common Market that it already took DECADES to convince you guys to join in the first place, and they sure as hell aren't going to take you again with your tail between your legs.

*The difficulties you complain about in the European Union, their own economic problems, their stalemates, they may affect the market, but they also affect the currency. You don't use the currency. This doesn't affect you half as bad as it does them, and you don't really see them whining.

*Look at Switzerland. Look at how Switzerland grumbles about not getting a vote. Now you've joined them.

*The EU requires that countries such as Switzerland that border only EU countries have to abide by EU open border rules. The UK's only border is with an EU member. There is, I repeat, if you're so goddamn worried about terrorists, nothing stopping, nor can there stop, someone traveling from France to Ireland, and then to Ulster, and then to Britain. Leaving it would not help that.

*Did it occur to any of you, again, that the only border with the EU is one of the most contested and hithertofore violent borders in the country? Militarizing that border will bring the Troubles back by a factor of five.

*If you leave because you hate red tape and regulations, why would you leave the market? You now have to renegotiate your trade deals with every country on earth. That's red tape on a scale you never dreamed of.

*The UKIP never cogently discussed or even elaborated upon what they expected to happen after the break. They never brought out actual economists or sociologists to inform us. That alone should have been suspicious. Now it's immediately evident that they had no actual plan in mind.

*Infrastructure such as the Chunnel would not have happened without the EU. You can complain about how much it cost all you want, but has anybody ever heard of an economic principle called SUNK COST. The only way to recoup your monies from sunk costs is to keep them running as long as humanly possible. You see, sunk costs is money that's not fucking yours anymore, and no decision you can make will bring that money back. This is fucking Econ 101, people.

*If you like Scottish unification so much, remember that the only goddamn reason their independence referendum didn't pass majority was their worry that they wouldn't be able to join the EU.

*The refugee crisis is, indeed, a crisis of resources and overcrowding and citizenship issues. I've a friend in Greece right now covering it. However, they're not all terrorists, if I can repeat that part. In fact, ISIS' plans involve framing their refugees as terrorists to persuade their subjects to stop fleeing. The worse you treat their refugees, the more ISIS wins.

*You haven't had an empire for nineteen years. The cushion you thought you had isn't really a thing anymore. And not many people are going to let you build it up again.

A leave vote was a vote against elementary logic, against elementary sociology, against elementary economics.
I don't call people "stupid" for their politics because their political values disagree with mine.
I DO call people "stupid" for their politics if it's logically evident that their politics rely on emotions, their politics are internally consistent but not practically consistent, their politics relies on closed systems on anything other than worldwide scale, if their politics are illogical, or if they support policies that will logically result in the exact opposite of what they want. In short, if you get your news from Rupert Murdoch.

This is the death of my faith in human nature, human intelligence, and our propensity to behave logically when discussing complex issues.
I think I understand, even if I don't quite agree, why the Dark Enlightenment hates democracy so much. The biggest obstacle to the world right now really is human nature, with its racism and its tribalism and its being-bad-at-math and its logical fallacies and its addiction to stories and conflict with villains and heroes and three-act-structures applied to the real world that have none of those.
The apocalypse really can't come soon enough.

_{(TW unfortunate and really shitty opinion ahead)
My unfortunate and oft-suppressed propensity to sweeping August Strindberg thoughts ("The building is too solid to be torn down, it can only be blown up" and "we can breed the illogical people out of the human race and abolish all emotion from the mind and thought processes") is surfacing again, out of anger and disgust pushing them to the surface, and it'll take a lot of alcohol to make them stop. As much as it's a constant struggle to remove my emotions from my deductive process and decision-making, it's an even worse struggle to remind myself that people need to do this by themselves, and we as yet have devised no theory non-pseudoscientific enough, intelligent enough, expansive enough, or non-dogmatic enough to implement such programs without considerable and unfair costs of human suffering, life, or mental or physical health, to say nothing of not only the dignity lost but also the fact that every time someone tries to "improve" humanity through coercive means the cure ends up being worse than the disease. Please, don't be eugenicists. I repeat, it has never ended well and probably never will until we find people smart enough to fix the flaws in its implementation, much less fix the flaws in its very conception of people being better than others by virtue of matching an ideal which doesn't exist. It's bullshit that latches onto this bigger problem and repeats scientific buzzwords like fetishes to guarantee legitimacy. But we simply must find a way to remove the urges of the lizard brain from the intellectual heritage of humanity as a whole, now that said heritage has reached such heights of complexity and precision above humanity that heurism interferes with its continued growth and preservation. Such gall as to think that people can be "ubermenschen;" even our most intelligent individuals can do little but touch the truth, and hopefully let our sight exceed our reach, even if our reach exceeds our grasp. We need it, we can barely have different skin colors without fucking it up.}

In theory, though this is a long shot, the next PM now that Cameron's left could take a look at the economic crash and all the work of a painful, messy divorce, ignore the referendum result, and put it to a parliamentary vote, and hope that they're as afraid of pulling out as he is, and remain. It'd risk the wrath of the "apparent" majority, but it seems the only way anyone's getting out of this with their hides intact. No one even really knows how article 50 will play out in practice.

Stolen from  Nicnak044

I am terrified of elevators.

I have trypophobia, which is the fear of holes. (Afraid? Fuck, it's so fun to draw.)

I don’t really cuss out loud.

I have a low self-esteem.

I have practically no family left.

My parents and grandparents are deceased.

My dad had 21 other brothers and sisters.

I am a very stressful person. (Only if I don't know what's going on.)

I swear, I am a bit OCD. (I like to think I'm not, but I probably have more than I realize.)

Being uncomfy in bed makes me so irritated.

I hate change.

I’ve moved 4 times in the past 2 years. (This is the fourth and hopefully final dorm I'm in since 2013, not counting the two months trapped in a hotel freshman year, unable to get any sympathy for how you're slowly about to die of claustrophobia and miasma)

I am the worst person at math. (I can do numbers but only thanks to the lattice method - and even basic calculus fucks me up. Geometry I'm much better at.)

I have a huge fear of my house getting broken into or catching on fire.

Sometimes I look at my feet and get freaked out.

I wish I could sing.

I say random things all the time.

I want to lose weight. (I don't want to be sexily toned, but I really don't like the sensation of my body fat and I wish I matched the thin person I see in my head - but all the methods of getting there are more painful to me than acceptance. Recovered from anorexia at one point and am not going down that road again. First I have to stop my habit of eating five pounds at a sitting, but it takes that much to understand that I'm full.)

I love to run and play sports.

I do not understand the male species. (Nobody does. Unpredictable and egotistical.)

I love pasta.

Cheddar cheese is my favorite. (Fuck you, gouda is life.)

I hate skinny guys.

I absolutely love my sister. (She's chill.)

I find it weird how the people you were closest with one year are the most distant the next.

I want to move to Europe. (If Canada isn't open, it seems a better option. Just... fucking anywhere but the country that's this close to electing Trump.)

Im jealous of my best friend because she always gets the guy. (Fuck me, I'm jealous of anyone in a good relationship. I'm not a forever alone type, I'm perfectly fine with being alone, and that's the problem is I don't know how you meet people like this.)

I want my lip pierced.

I hate chicken.

I’m hungry right now. (I'm physically sick from veggie pies and mash and bread pudding, and I still feel hungry. Being not-hungry is an alien sensation to me, my brain's so fucked up.)

I love sleep.

I wish that my middle name was actually my first name because I think it’s prettier. (Liam Anne is a compound name, my birth middle name, David, was my grandfather and though I like the guy I have no fondness for it.)

I can still be a kid at heart. (Fuck me, I wasn't even a kid at heart when I was a kid. I'm aware a professional hurdle is that I have no idea what kids like.)

I laugh at everything and i’m always trying to get people to laugh with me.

I’m not always as happy as I seem to be.

I tend to hide my emotions with jokes and laughter. (If not outright Vulcan stoicism.)

My past has only made me into a stronger person.

Trust is a very sacred thing to me, and once you lose it, it’s almost impossible to gain it back.

I love to play lacross and softball.

My biggest goal in life is to become a pediatrician.

I am a mechanic.

I am a pretty good artist.

I have issues with unnecessary capitalization.

I enjoy watching classic films

I completed a drivers ed route in half the standard time. (I still don't have a license, because of my double vision)

I’m not religious. (I'm an ordained deacon and still basically areligious... not to say atheist, but areligious, meaning the topic legitimately never enters my head of whether there is anything, like being asexual.)

I like saltwater taffy.

I’m going to school to see how well I do under pressure.

I want to have a T.V. show on the Discovery Channel.

I have my license.

I always have chapstick with me.

Being on the computer kind of bothers me because I never have anything to do on it. (Fuck you, I have fifty billion tabs open right now I haven't finished reading.

I don’t want to die and not have accomplished anything in my life. (Fuck. I want to MAKE the films I want to make before I die, really.)

I want to have two children, one boy and a girl, with the girl being born first. (I don't trust myself around children I DON'T own, much less my own, without mentally scarring them.)

I would like to go shopping soon, to get some more pants.

I want to do something “shocking” but just don’t know what.

When I get older i want to live in a white house with a wrap around porch, with a huge staircase in it, downtown somewhere, with nice neighbors, and a nice green lawn with a picket fence. (So bourgeois. I want a small collective with a bunch of friends someplace and to just be chill about things.)

Chicken nuggets are my favorite food.

I would like to do a pageant, but don’t have money for a dress.

No matter how tough I act, I am really a softy.

I love High School Musical.

I like to cook. (I'm good at it, but it's infuriatingly slow and I don't find it makes the food taste any better.)

Daisies are the cutest flowers.

I have two webbed-toes.

I’m a very spiritual person and stick to my beliefs, but I avoid religious debates. (Fuck me, debates are the only fun part of religion.)

I accept and care for anyone who wants to be my friend, as long as they don’t put me down.

Hayao Miyazaki is my favorite film maker right now.

I pray for every motorcyclist I see on a road, ambulances too.

When woken up, I am the meanest and angriest person. (I'm only mean and angry when I'm deprived of information and/or marginalized... it's callous and illogical to not tell people things.)

I love when I feel inspired.

I love baby everything, baby and miniature makes everything better.

My laugh can be heard from a radius of at least 40 feet away.

Taking pictures is what takes my breath away.

I don’t cry much, and when I do there’s hardly any reason at all. (David Ackles songs are a PRETTY GOOD REASON.)

I preach about being independently happy!

I stay away from fast food, soda, peas, and zombies. (I don't know what this "soda" is, do you mean pop?)

I am deathly afraid of zombies.

I love bright colors and patterns.

I am a huge drama queen.

I am obsessed with accents.

I can not stand odd numbers and will do everything in my power to avoid them.

I can’t stand hearing the sound of my own voice.

I’m a completely different person at home. (I just shut down, emotionally and physically.)

I laugh a lot.

I’m rude. (Why would I go to college in the city if I wanted to waste my energy being nice to all the people moving too slowly in my path?)

I’m really smart, but I stopped trying.

I don’t like interacting with people unless I’m inebriated.

I complain all the time.

I’m always cold.

I love cream soda.

If it were not frowned upon in society, I would drop out of school.

I would live in a nudist colony.

I really don’t have a favorite color.

I want to live in Alaska.

When I’m writing, I get my “F’s” and 5’s mixed up.

I don’t like people to see my feet when my toe nails aren’t painted.

Arguing is fun. I believe it solves problems.

I hate cleaning my house, but I’ll help clean other’s.

I’m afraid of opening up too much.

Psychology simply amazes me.

I don’t like seeing someone get physically hurt.

I have the biggest fear of being replaced.

I love musicals.

Procrastination is my weakness.

I wish my eyes were bigger.

I still want to be a ballerina.

I despise parents who make excuses for their children and don’t get them ready for the real world. (I hate people who try to say "the real world" with these, but yeah, that's not logical for their optimum development. I need more details to condemn.)

I'm not going to try to be hyperbolic, but this was the worst news at the worst time for me.

Keith Emerson is easily, EASILY, one of my greatest heroes in music. I own the entire output ante-"Love Beach" of Emerson, Lake and Palmer on vinyl and CD, about 90% of the oeuvre of the Nice... his soundtracks, solo albums, ELPowell, the whole shebang... easily 50% of the piano pieces I perform off the top of my head are his. If any of you were at MFF over the last two years, you may have heard me pick out "Tarkus" and "Pirates" on the hotel piano...

The restless chromaticism, the chugging quartals, the racing sixteenths, the constant search for new sounds, the damage and protection you have to treat your babies with to coax the sounds out of... massive inspirations to not only my piano style but my whole way of thinking.

And to throw irony on top of irony, when I heard this, I had "Barbarian" playing on my headphones and "Hang on to a Dream: The Story of the Nice" in my bag; this week I was rehearsing his versions of "America" and "She Belongs To Me" for upcoming open mics. And I'm 90% certain I was listening to "Rondo" the moment he died. That's... that's rock star.

Christ. The first three months of 2016 and about half of my vinyl collection is dead. Ashes to ashes. Disturbing the waters of our lives.
Fuck.
I mean, nerve damage aside, it's still sad. I can't imagine losing your hands that far into a career, so much ahead of you... and I can sympathize, had it happened to me I wouldn't wait twenty years.
I would honestly say - can honestly say - that the fury, the emotion, the intelligence of his music was like 90% of my vaccine against my recurring depression over the past two years.
That someone can mitigate your depression at the same time as succumb to theirs is one of the most furious possible ironies.

I would be joining the anti-Trump protest going on several blocks away, but right now I need to play piano and cry.
*makes imaginary piano in front of her and plays "Rondo" furiously until her fingers bleed*

Two nights ago, my hard drive got a severe disk error and didn't respond again until last night. Didn't respond on either my mac or PC (it was set to FAT32) and had blanked stuff up.

Short answer, have to dig up a lot of my art all over again. A lot of digital work and stories are gone. I'm cobbling together all the stuff I've backed up to one place or the other... But my work posted on here'll be sporadic hence.

I'm also addicted to candy cigarettes (essentially the little sugar sticks that dissolve in your mouth) and in unrelated news my weight's ballooning again. I may start swimming or working out, and forget my trans anxieties about those facilities for a while... I'm not one of those people who usually cares about my weight, I'm a stocky but not obese endomorph with a lot of white muscle whose weight goes up and down wildly. More stretch marks than you'd expect, but 6'3" and sixteen stone isn't really bad. IDK why I'm still typing.

Meme...

Staying at: The Hyatt with a few people I know, but don't know know. I know I'm local, but I need to be there all three days for the art show, and the commute's a killer. Friday-Sunday; they're in a different hotel on thursday night.

How are you traveling?
I'ma take the blue line up from downtown and walk the rest of the distance.

Who are you rooming with?
 chickenteeth  ianjay http://poinko.tumblr.com I trust they're nice guys, and they trust me... *shrugs* We'll see how it works out!

Who will you be with?
Whoever I see, I guess. I'm just gonna walk around.

Where will you be? How is the best way to find you?
I'll be the tall, stocky androgynous one with big glasses and really long dirty blonde hair... and a pink collar with a badge reading "Liam Anne" on it.

What is your gender?
*desperate shrugs* I haven't even figured it out, man.

How old are you?
Early twenties.

Are you mated/in a relationship?
Not really. Just a bunch of friends with benefits, no real ties.

How tall are you?
6'2", 6'3", something?

Can I talk to you?
Why not?

Can I hug and/or snuggle you?
Long as you're not in a crusty-ass suit... I'm not a germaphobe but I'm really sensitive to smell.

Are you nice?
Bitch, I might be. I'll see what my mood's like, but probably.

Are you cliquey?
I don't have one, so no.

Are you fursuiting?
Nah, not worth it for me.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Just walk up and say "hi." Wave. Handshake. Anything. I'll warn you I'm not really out with the name "Liam Anne" yet, and I'm still trying to learn to respond to it...

Can I ask you to dance with me during the dances?
I probably won't even be there, I'm bad with crowds and tire easily. (I can dance like a motherfucker if I'm not exhausted mentally, but that's a long shot)

Can I buy you drinks?
I don't drink in public, but if you want to bring out a beer someplace I'll take a few sips.

Do you attend parties?
*Overwhelmed shrug*

Can I take your picture?
There's nothing to see with me, but if you want a memento selfie, go ahead!

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Just... see things, sell art, meet people, and just generally feel like I'm in a chill space. Who knows.

My cousin got married yesterday. I got almost the whole week off work so I could come up to Michigan (I'll be going back down for a shift tomorrow and then back up the next morning). So many family members I never see are up here and I love them all. And I can't feel happy, can't feel refreshed about any of these events.
I just can't deal, man. I just want to paint. I don't want to talk, I don't want to think, I'm just tired and hate things and nothing I'm doing brings me pleasure. I've had more times I just royally cracked up this last month than I have all year, and hours are slipping through my brain without me even noticing.

Maybe I should do as my dad recommends and join Mensa. That's another thing, is being able to talk about things with people on my mental level so I don't feel like I'm talking down to everyone like I am. But even being near my cousin, who shares 90% of my references with me, isn't doing shit.
Aforementioned dad doesn't believe in medication (he simply aged out of his depression at my age), and I don't want to have to deal with them (in price and implementation) either.

The wedding was fun, it was refreshing to be around people again... I ate well and had a few pints, danced, cleaned up, watched Taxi Driver...

It's just... why don't I feel happy? There's nothing here that bugs me, just leaving me drained. The amount of room shuffling alone that comes with reunions, where everyone sleeps and no one can make straight decisions, just drives me fucking nuts.

My cousin next to me agrees - we're both introverts for whom the other person is one of the only people who we GAIN energy from talking to, we feel in the next few years we should take a train to Cleveland and just hang out by ourselves or something for a few days, to get our energy back. The rest of the family's just a total weight around our necks.

(I do intend to start those commissions again once I get my health back up! You all will know by the invoices in your inbox. I'm sorry I tried to start doing that when I wasn't on mentally stable enough ground for it.)

Basics

Name: Liam
Nickname: Liam Anne (I've never had a nickname stick longer than two weeks), Rapunzel (the many, many Nicoles in my friends group call each other Disney Princesses, and nominated me for her because I have long blonde hair, wear a lot of purple, land do very little all day besides sit in my room and paint and sing and cry.)
Location: Chicago, IL
Age: 20s
Height: 6'3"
Zodiac Sign: Pisces
Pets: Ancient, senile Wheaten Terrier male (Duffy), a friend wants to get rid of her rats so I may have those...
Favorite Thing About Yourself: I'm a comforter. It's my purpose in life is a shoulder to cry on.
Worst Habit: Backpedaling or undermining myself with anxiety and needless apologies...
Fun Fact: At a Q&A, my knowledge of obscure animation history prompted Emily Hubley to say "I should take you on these trips."

Identity/Sexuality/Personality

Gender Identity: Genderfluid, probably trans - all I know is "not cis" and "I enjoy being a girl."
Sexual Preference: Bisexual (pansexual in practice, I appreciate all flavors)
Romantic Preference: Panromantic
Kinsey Scale Score: n, the unknown quantity

Relationship Status: Have a friend or two with benefits, currently not healthy enough for a romantic relationship

Myers Briggs Type: INTP (the mad scientist one)

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Routine

Early Bird or Night Owl: Even for a night owl I'm terrible. I don't get sleepy until sunrise.
First thought waking up: I can't think, goddammit, I just woke up.
Last Thought Before Falling Asleep at Night: Usually animation, or furries, or politics, or the abstract art patterns I dream in.


School & Work

Do you work, or are you a student: Student, currently in summer job
What do you do well: I can draw, I can sing, I can play instruments quite fast and almost any song by ear... I'm a good lore repository and have laser focus on things... I have a strange doggedness to not quit things in the middle of them, which often bites me in the ass (taking the commission break for my mental health was one of the hardest things to let go of).
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: I have wild dreams while I'm young and my body isn't broken beyond repair. I want to hitchhike. I want to do a bizarre road trip. I want to own a small place in Seattle with a megabed and sell prints. My ideal is something in animation, of course...


Habits (Do you...)

Drink: I enjoy cocktails, but wine or beer don't do much for me, I'm sorry.
Smoke: Not really. Killed my grandfather and I don't want to start... too expensive and inconvenient where I live, too...
Do Drugs:
Exercise: Accidental because I don't really enjoy traditional exercise. I walk and bike fucking everywhere, I swim and ski and play tennis. Right now I'm drained from waterskiing. I'm in good shape for an endomorph, I have good muscles under my persistent and annoying body fat...
Have a go-to comfort food: Bagels. Toddy. Toast with butter. Eggs. Any breakfast food. Cereal. Just lots of things.
Have a nervous habit: I stim orally. So nervous talking, singing, whistling, mints or gobstoppers or something...

What is your favorite...?

Physical quality (in yourself): I am... quite oversexed. And nicely androgynous depending how I do myself up before I go out.
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): Although my bizarre sense of the flow of time is massively inconvenient elsewhere, once I start doing something I can go for hours without my brain nagging me. I like that.
Food: Pie. Barbecue. Clambake stuff. Soul and cajun food especially. Lebanese and Korean are two personal favorites.
Drink: We get black coffee free at work, and I usually need it there. Outside of work, San Pellegrino Fruit Pop, ginger beer, water.
Animal: In practice I love dogs and rats; metaphorically, Snakes, Horses, Bunnies; Abstractly, Elephants, Big Cats
Colors: Ultramarine blue (it's my thing!), followed by purple, black, navy, cornflower blue, neutral greens, warm grays, smoky warm colors.
Artist/Band/Group: I'm just gonna check my most-played itunes, because I find this question so hard to answer. Stone Roses; Emerson, Lake and Palmer; Led Zeppelin; the Allman Brothers Band; Peter Gabriel; Genesis (all lineups); Mudhoney; Nirvana; Neil Young; Pink Floyd; The Ramones; The Clash; Sonic Youth; The Rolling Stones; The Stooges; Was Not Was; Death From Above 1979; Big Black; Hüsker Dü; The Figs; Peggy Lee; Biggie Smalls; Jane's Addiction; Maria Callas; Diedrich Fischer-Dieskau; Rush; The Smiths; Jethro Tull; I could go on and on for ages at this point, so I'll just stop.
TV Show: Steven Falls Over; The Sopranos (watching it again)... I don't have a lot of an ass to watch TV these days... I loved the plots in "Sherlock" but can't even find the time for that.
Video Game: Lifelong Zelda fan, not really attached to any video game at the moment...
Movie: Anything by Scorcese or that has a very strange animation style or aesthetic. I love Wes Anderson, love Jacques Tati, love Mel Brooks, love Ralph Bakshi, love the Coen Brothers, enjoy Tim Burton more than I should, and the all time favorite will probably be a Disney film of some sort (maybe "Aladdin" or something). My knowledge of live-action film is auteuristic and kinda negligible. Blockbusters don't do much for me, but I fucking love 70s sci-fi films (Silent Running, Logan's Run, Rollerball, Alien, Star Wars, Blade Runner) and mumblecore. I should mention "My Cousin Vinny," "Lawrence of Arabia," "The Descendants," "Sita Sings the Blues," "The Tune," "Seven Samurai," "Ran," "Song of the Sea," "Wolf of Wall Street," "Yellow Submarine" and "M" in here.

I'm deeply ashamed of this, since I really wanted to be better for you guys...

I'm drained. I've kept a busboy job going for a while that isn't super physically exhausting, but it's a mental dreg-drainer... I'm constantly interacting with people, scanning broadly for problems, and there's nothing for my brain to focus on. And, of course, I'm not an athletic person and I'm not the best at being on my feet for eight hours straight.
On top of that, my bike was stolen from right in front of the restaurant on Monday night. The perfect cap to the week.

Saturday, I had to train a guy who obviously wasn't up, mentally, for the job - and used my treatment of him as his excuse for quitting in the space of two minutes. So I had to fill out affidavits and shit, and as you can imagine it wasn't the best for my state.
Sunday I worked a double shift on top of my saturday shift, more for the sake of getting the boss to like it... that night a customer interpreted my offhand compliment about his beer as a homophobic crack (I keep forgetting I don't really look queer at all). I was called into the alley for it, and ended up (while alone with my thoughts) sobbing my lungs out lying on my side in the alley... I was graciously allowed to just leave for the night, since the customers were gone....

Today I had a wonderful-but-too-brief meeting with a friend I don't see nearly enough, plus her girlfriend and pit bull, and sorta lost all my happy spoons... and spent the last few hours playing depressing songs on acoustic guitar in the basement. ("And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda," anyone? Once I start playing "Adam's Song," I'm fucked.)

So what I'm starting to realize...
I have no energy.
I have none. I'm using it up at the job, but don't have any way to recharge it.

I no longer end up listening to music, playing music, reading, looking at other people's art (this is a biggie) or just any activity that gives my life meaning and lets me draw energy from myself and know things about the world.
It just doesn't happen.
The other epiphany I had is that I really have very few people to talk to at a high enough level to feel satisfied. I feel like all my conversations, I'm dumbing something down, and I'm so damn sick of it.
(Luckily, I'm not fired - my boss used to be a chemist and she knows how Aspie people think, she understands what I meant.)
Between this, Sunday and a brief moment on Tuesday, I clearly have no energy at all and I've had more attacks of absolute despair in this last week than in several weeks beforehand. It's all being drained and I don't have any good ways to call it back again.

I want to be able to leave this job on good terms for once, once I go back to school and classes interfere with my shifts. Luckily, if I end up collapsing next weekend, I'll be able to still say I was there from May to August. It'll still look like a summer job. And my cousin's getting married, so I've got at least some of that weekend off.

But in light of this massive amount of crying and snot (and the fact that my commute is now an extra half hour's walk), I'm now aware that I need to focus my energy on recovery (and a rather detailed wedding painting to finish). My commissions...
...I'ma place them on hold for a little bit. I'm so sorry to you guys, but this is the job that I can cut for the sake of my mental health.
But I do want to get all of these done at some point, you guys want them and I'll deliver them. But please tell me if you need any of them in a hurry...
And I also didn't expect more than two people to ever want commissions from my unpolished punk self. It's a pleasant surprise, but I wasn't prepared for this in the least. You guys are great.
This... this will probably never be my day job unless I make it my day job and get the necessary energy back.

Here's where I am with all of you with commissions still in progress, in queue order -

 Ealadubh - Nine page Seal TF comic - Rough layout done, materials purchased, halfway through a rough breakdown script
 USAF2222 - Digital Portrait - learning to draw robots for the discerning eye
 Thalomine - Digital Painting - Multiple rough layouts done, must remember to send for approval
 Truttle - Two Page Digital Diptych - Learning to draw bears for the discerning eye
 SeadogDriftwood - Five Page Architecture TF Pentych - In discussion stage
 Kodalynx - Oil Portrait - In discussion stage
 Terrible - Painting - debating with myself if I have the energy to accept the request or not, but love the idea

Just yesterday, as I was busing the patio, I was able to watch a guy come back to the table from a call and tell his friends - he just got the call and his uncle died. He did that thing where he downplayed everyone's consolations ("He was sick for a while") until the conversation shifted, but you could tell he didn't have the wind in his sails. Don't do this, guys... don't wallow in your friend's misery, but also you gotta acknowledge it. Or at least give them some closure.

I didn't know  FoxHolliday very well, sort of a barely friend-of-a-friend kind of thing, but I really would have loved to get to know Sammy better, from everything I'm seeing and hearing of her and from just a long time of seeing my friends have such good times with her. You guys keep drawing, do your memorial dance-off, the memorial table, I wish you all so well with that. She deserves nothing less.

Personally, I'm worn down with art for a few hours (still sketching constantly but forgetting to post it here), so I'ma make myself a Hot Toddy and raise it to her good name before I go to bed. (Someday I'd love to make one with mango tea, but I don't have a bag of that in the house. Maybe spiced rum? Hmm.) Be excellent to one another, fate is capricious.

It's been a long week of long shifts and hard news (and learning that there's a quite raunchy and really implausible urban legend from my old high school with my name attached to it), and I need to get off. Tomorrow I'll go to the library and clear my head.

A Zorn Palette? The fuck?
Ah, glad you asked! A Zorn Palette, named after Swedish painter and draftsman Anders Zorn, is a painter's palette consisting of Titanium White, Ivory Black, Vermilion/Cadmium Red, and Yellow Ochre.



It's become a widely recognized art exercise and challenge, since with this small palette you can capture the full range of value and saturation with the harmonies still looking perfect. And can I add that it looks super cool? Everything's so 2003.
Here
are
some
samples!
And as a reminder, your characters don't need to be red or ochre - local color is irrelevant to a Zorn palette, where hue is implied rather than painted.

What does this entail, o queer one?
A 5.5"x9" artwork in oil on heavy card paper.
Busts USD $22, Fullbody $30. Extra characters $8 each. Oil paint is expensive!
I can cheat and add an extra color for another $3. I can mail it to you (if in the U.S.) for an extra $7.

<sub>What do I do?
I don't have my TOS down in writing yet, but essentially, reserve a slot with your character reference and a description of what you'd like. I'll send you a note with Paypal information and followup questions. Once I've registered your payment, I'll begin and send you at least a high-res scan of the finished product at least 300 DPI - more if you wish.

Restrictions?
I do not draw cub, bathroom play, noncon/rape, or homophobic/misogynist/shitty subject matter. But... really, these are your characters, so anything goes, they can wear whatever they want this side of a T-shirt with "Make Me a Sandwich" on it...
Nudity is fine! Nudity is great, actually. Adult is also cool.</sub>


==SLOTS==
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_{Commissions in Progress -
Seal Comic TF for  Ealadubh
Portrait for  Usaf2222
Flat Pinup for  Thalomine}