Family is there for a reason, they complete us, they help us and pick us up when we fall.

I live in SV Arizona. My mommy (karen-collie:icon) lives in Mississippi with her mate, the people i live with while are technically family they do not feel, seem, or even act like my family. That's why i have karen. Karen knows ive been abused and knows I'm damaged goods, but she adopted me any way and she has been working tirelessly to repair and fix me to make me the little fox i used to be.

This year the Miller's (my "family" i live with) are going home to Missouri, to visit other family there. I said i didn't want to go, but that wasnt good enough, instead they tell me "if you wanna stay by your self then you have till this time to get your room clean." Keep in mind my actual age is 24. Soo what do i do? I say sure what ever its not cool and its bull but what ever fine.
I then tell her. My mother. KAREN. I tell her all about the trip and how im being forced to go with them if i dont get my room clean blah blah blah, i tell her, ill be going off line to eliminate the distractions, i finish loading my music to my mp3 to help focus (i have aspergers)
but here we are... nearly 3 or so weeks in... and know what was accomplished??

Bumbkis! Totally Bumbkis! Not a thing. The most ive done is just let laundry pile to the ceiling again, for got to take out my trash till today, nothing has been accomplished. I look around every day and say "today i get something done, today i get it taken care of. Well TODAY! i took out my trash, and my diaper pail. Gold star! 3 weeks and only just now, doing ANYTHING!

and, i think i know why. Its the one thing every kid hates! Its the nagging from thats right! Youve guessed it. MOTHER! i feel it deep down,
i grew up too soon truthfully, i did, mr.miller was never home. He was in the army. Mrs.miller always too busy, older sister... welll she wanted nothing to do with me. I grew up too early.
Now that i have a mother who cares, who really wants the best for me, and i completely shut down when shes not online. Or when we dont speak. I left her online thinking ill do this and itll be quick.

Take it from me guys. Parents are there for a reason even if they are only online. Tomorrow or perhaps when you read this (tomorrow) it will be today, but tomorrow, im going to go crawling back to my mother karen, and tell her everything that i haven't done. And. Truthfully a part of me hopes i get spanked, part of me hopes that shes as disgusted and let down with the truth as i am, its what i deserve. And then another part of me just hopes she cuddles me, and tells me ohh dont worry kit itll be alright, mommys not mad but get to work right now and we can discuss the rest of it tonight before bed. But we will see what happens.

Bottom line every one. Your parents are there for a reason. Dont just think they're a dime a dozen and a nickle a pop. They are the ones who care most, they punish as needed, and reward when its fit, and they are irriplaceable and above all else, they are the ones that teaches and helps us. Trust me. They are needed. Thanks for reading.

sooo im gonna try this again, its simple, clean cut, clean shaved, and all that good jazz.

all collars for now will be single strap. i can either stamp your name into them or brand your name into them

collar leash and tag rings are available.

all collars are now a single price of $30.00 im almost positive that no one else will give you decent quality collars like this for that low a price.

thats not even with shipping, all my collars will be MAILED anyware in the us via usps
and in thick padded envalopes that i can simply put in a mailbox to send out
i know that you all must think im either stupid, cutting corners or something but guys i need the cash, im desperate
im a nightly bed wetter whos parents are idiots and think i lie about it, im unimployed, i cant move out of my parents house because of no money and well im 24 years old 25 in december. ive never been to a convention ohhh and im also Bi-Gendered ((its a form of trans-gender look it up)) guys c'mon. i dont have much other options all my stuff i get from hobby lobby for crying outloud
so seriously. im giving this my best.

anyway, comment below or note me if you wanna place an order theres a heafty wait time atm as i need to get more rivets to make more collars, and i just dont have the means to get them right now, as i cant drive. so itll have to wait till im able to get a ride to the store. anyway.

all payments due upon time of compleation i am willing to take IOU's and there is a catch on my end, if you note me and say "i want to pay 1 week after i recieve the product to see if its worth the money" then that can be arranged, if you like too you can wait 1 week to pay me, if you dont like it, or if its not up to snuff for what ever reason, just send it back via usps so its free. put it in the same envalope and simply lable return to sender, then you wont have to pay me, and i get the product back. cool?? good well thanks guys

i want to thank anyone and everyone who reads this sorry excuse of a journal because it shows how accepting the furry community really is.

so thr label of this may seem odd.
so ill just get too it, im yuko, for those of you who do not know me, I'm 24 years old, I'm bisexual, and I'm also bigender.
I live with my great aunt and uncle and my biological sister, I do not have a job, nor can I drive, i am constantly mentally and emotionally abused on a almost daily basis, i have a boyfriend i cant even hold and its a bitch getting up every morning and not being able to message him or tell him i love him, my laptops hate me, my tablets cracked so i cant use it because the touch screen function is kaput, i need a desktop but parents say its too expensive, if not myy current psychiatrist, i wouldnt be hdre now.

my mistress/mommy is in bad shape because her mate has been fkrced yo move bck in with her parents, im constantly trying to cheer her up over it.
my parents are so stressfull especially my dad ((great uncle)) because he was in the army, so he is a hard ass, and hes not very patient, he calls him self a father but i dont think he actully knows what a father is. my dad never taught me to fight, he never taught me to throw, he never sat with me to watch cartoons as a kid, he was never around! ever!

he dosnt care about anything else but what he wants done. and asong as what he wants done, gets done, then to him thats all that materz.
he even pus his own wife on the back burner! recent ly, hed told me something was my fault......and he smiled as he said it. like he thought it was funny! i need to get out and im loosing the faith to hold on and keep going. the stress is killing me, and the depression will ultimately b my undoing! i wish to every god and goddess i know ofvthAt my bf was here to hold me.

these things are so bad for me that it shouldn't even be happening to me. i wish i could be better maybe going to my first ever con woluld help. ive swalloed a wooden toothpick and needed it removed surgically, ive had internal bleeding that nearly killed me. hell my own doctor had his class write a thesis exam on my internal bleeding case! after all ive been threw, i have no reason im still alive. i had to have 2 surgerys right after my birth, ive been thrown threw a wall, ive been stranged by a class mate, ive heen accused of attempting to blow up the school when i had no part in it. all the problems hAve bern huge blows fows for me and they presist every day. peoplecin this fandom see the good parts of me, see im a good friend, and im happy for this very much. thanks agsin to any and all reading this poor excuse for a journal.

alright every one you know the drill. ask me stuff!!!!!

you heard it, Wednesdays are half off, and Thursdays are buy one get one free!!!!! don't miss out guys! epic prices and now even more epic savings, you do the math! also gonna start doing more to the collars for personalization, with rhinestones! colors are currently limited, all i have so far are blue, green and red! really guys don't miss out!

okay soo I've just remembered, i wanna go to my first ever fur con this October. i wager if i can get at least 7 commissions for either my plain collars or 6 or 7 commissions for my detailed collars or just 7 of either one or both, i can afford to get membership, pay for the hotel room, possibly get a ride to and from the con and still have some left over for food and such, i have till October to 16th to get out there. c'mon guys? what'a ya say??? help a fur experience the magic of going to a con for their very first time???

in other news, I've figured out how to apply the eyelets decently enough with out a proper setter, i do not have any leather straps left to use for the collars and cuffs, so that would be all id need to buy, i can get those fast enough as long as i have the money for them.

also, if i have the tags, i can start on personalized collars i don't have the picture stamps yet but i can do tags with various info on them, like name, and phone number and address. got a pet you live with? make sure they don't get lost and if they do, make sure who ever finds them, knows who to contact with personalize id pet/slave tags! i don't have any examples them up yet but each one is made with number and letter stamps that are pounded into he tag with a mallet, they aren't perfect but they are fun and work for the purpose. just add them to your personalized collars for a low price of 2 additional dollars!

im starting a new Wednesday event!

from now on, every Wednesday is commission Wednesday! this means all commissions are 50% off! that means half price!

normal comissions are knocked down to $10.00 and the detailed ones are knocked down to $20.00! what do you guys think of that!

and for a limited time, eyelets and stamps are free!

ASK ME STUFFABOUT ANYTHING, STORYS, GAMES WHAT EVER!

free baby fur art raffle guys hit up while you still can it ends july 31! really guys, hit this up while you can!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6917186/
on a side note, its Tuesday! ASK ME STUFFFS!!!!!!!!

rules you have to be a watcher and its 1 entry but you can gain another entry by doing what im doing!

sooo heres the link to it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6911322/


watch em if you aren't already! they good!

this is directed at my loved ones. Shyanne, azzy, kit, haru, rezzy, ryuu, david woofie (I don't remember his fa name) and many many others.
this is an apology, I can not really say im sorry, even though I am, ive said im sorry so many times, that its worn out and faded, its torn up and desicrated, it got holes, and tape holding it togeather, its so used up that its literally falling apart, I said I would change, then I didn't, I maybe changed for a day or two then I was back up to it again, you all know what the "IT" is.

kit, I pushed you away, talked back, disrespected you, snapped at you, scolded you, and treated you like utter garbage,

Haru, I wasn't much better to you, I had problems with you, the way you wasn't serius and you wouldn't really seem to understand what I was saying, I talked back to you, I hurt you, I said mean and hurtful things, and I even made you cry.

Rezzy, I ignored you, sometimes talked back to you, and complained to you when you didn't need the stress. David, I pushed you away, I was mean to you, I ignored you, I made fun of you, I pushed you away, and I held things above your head and I humiliated you and was a bitch to you.

Ryuu, I ignored you and I pushed you away, you were alwys there for me yet I always over looked you and acted like you didn't exist, Im sure I hurt you with something I may have said or done, and all you have done for me is nothing short of being the best thata friend can be. and

azzy, I singled you out, I used you as much crutch, I ignored every one in favor of you and acted like you was the only one in the world that mattered, I caused you stress, and I made every one else suffer because of my obsession with you.

Gooz, ive told you to shut up and to piss off, and to go play hide and f your self, ive been pretty mean to you and I dontr really remember why. ive wronged you pretty bad, simple because I guess I found you annoying at times, I know I did wrong to you. and im just asking for a chance to bridge this gap between us and cross this new devide.

meri. I told you to f off, to shut up, to leave me alone, to burn in hell, and countless other things, ive harbored dark feelings for you, and for no real reason at all, I cant really make up for it, but I can own up to it and try to make amends, please let me rebuild the bridge between us.

all of you mentioned im sorry for how ive wronged you.

there are many more that I have hurt, meri, gooz, chansu and his mate, ive hurt all of you and many more that I cant even list, guys, I know I shouldn't and I know I don't diserve it, but, can you all please find it in your hearts to give me just one last, final chance. if I screw up, shun me, disown me, chain me up in the grave yard left there to decay, do what you want. but please, all im asking for is just one last chance, you have no reason to belive me, you have no reason to trust me, you have no reason to like me, hell you don't even have a reason to give me this one last chance, but I'm asking on my knees. please, just give me this last chance to show I can be a better fox.

soo its a rainy day today in az I love the rain but I hate the thunder, I would normaly take time like this to do some stuff that I need to do, like writing my daddy's  ryuumaru story for our art trade, something I will be doing soon today, but the issue is that im just kinda bleh, you know? I cant focus on muh of anything and lack of responsises is making me thing that every one is busy. I know it cant be all about me lol and im not saying that it has to be I just wish that I had some one like my mistress to play with or that my mates net wasn't so damn sucky so he could reply more faster. he lives in the uk for crying out loud soo his net is like really bad. maybe ill go outside and play in the rain for a while.

c'mon guys its been a while, ask me stuff!

so...I've been seeing examples of how the swiftpaws USED to be to me. its in the things they say to the new memebers, the way they act, how they say it, the way they do things, and I remember that its how it had been for me, in my first days, before I broke away to be the pet of a certain sergal whom shall not be named, if your reading this, you know who you are. and I spent so much time getting abused by hir. not physically, but mentaly and emotionally. guys, when I was with her, I was forbidden from playing with any one else in any sence naughty and innocent, I've grown shy again guys, all the "yuko you need to reach out to the other cubs" "yuko you need to play with others more" "yuko talk to so and so more" "yuko leave azzy be" yuko yuko yuko!!! GUYS PLEASE IM ONLY A LIL VIXEN, IVE BEEN BROKEN AND SHAKLED TO THE GRAVE YARD LEFT HERE TO DECAY. PLEASE, GIVE ME TIME TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS! ITS NEW MEMEBERS IN THE PACK IM NATURALLY SHY, BUT WITH BEING AWAY SO LONG I DON KNOW AS MUCH AS I USED TOO! OKAY IVE FALLEN BEHIND THE PACK, AZZY HER SELF SAID SO!!! okay. gusy please....if you see me clinging to azzy, just assume I have a emotnally legitimate reason to be doing so. okay? please you guys.

now also, I have a slave who is also my mate. im trying to be good to him, and it can b hard to do. okay guys please im juggiling the pack with my mate and his slave life. not to mention getting used to a new mistress who dosnt get online till late. okay you guys? im slow, and im delicate now, I can only handle soooooo much
some things will cut me deeper than others, like if I try to say ill do something for some one, don't butt in and say "yuko you cant do that, your too young." or "yuko you said your self your too shy or delecate you cant do this and I wont allow it" okay you guys who say these things I will not point you out because you know who you are, guys I have moods of my own, if I feel helpful then let me be helpful, if I feel generus, let me be generus, if I say "goes to my room to cry" don't say "shes getting a way quick pounch her and cuddle her!" because that is a good way to make me either do it any way, or go quiet or log off for a wile. I will turn to you when I feel its time to do so, DONT RUSH ME PLEASE

okay now that's out the way *phew* on to the next blood

okay, soo I have times that I will say "im 23 I don't need diapers" guys, to me that's my way of saying "i want ou to baby me please do so" okay???? if I still fight its my way of saying "i want a small spanking or other punishment too if that's okay?" alright? guys look I don't know how else I can say this. but I love you all, I do but really you guys need to understand, everything is still new to me again, im getting used to it, if I want to cling to azzy, don't take it personaly, its only because shes the one I KNOW I can count on because ive known her the longest, and shes promised to help me achive a goal that is very important to me. okay guys, don't rush me in things, stop trying to pounch me and scream at me saying "we all love you" I know you love me, and I love you too. but guys, please im begging you, I don't know how else to say it. but guys really please, im trying my hardest, I need time to settle back in and all the "yuko do this" "yuko do that" "yuko stop hogging azzy" IS NOT HELPING AT ALL please you guys I need you all to understand, I have needs that ONLY THAT SKUSKY CAN FULFIL! im not jokeing! I have needs that only azzy can help me with. not because its her I want but because she the only one who knows how. I know it sounds like im not giving you guys a try, I know that, and I know that's how it seems but guys, please, im breaking inside because azzy is the only one who knows/knew the really real me. shes the only one who can help me be that again, please guys please. please understand.

i love you all but please give me my space and my time. don't question my methods and guys if i try to do something, don't stop me because that's a sure fire way to ruin my mood and end my rp with every one right quick. don't tell me what i can and cant do. i need the time with azzy to heal. and its hard to get her attention as it is with out you guys jumping on me for hogging her. i love you all i do but. please i need this

its Friday so that means "FACT OR FICTION?"!! have any of you ever wondered, what parts of my fursona are fact, and wich are ficion? what traits dose she have that I have? well find out! no question is off limits ask anything you wanan know about me. but be warned, fairs fair, you ask me a question, and I get to ask you one back!

so its mothers day.....a lovely day where we show our mothers the unconditinal love that they give us on a daily basis. a day where we return the feelings of gratatude and understanding that they give to us. happy mothers day to all out there.

soo last night, a very special mommy and i started to havea bit of a bonding time...but it...wasnt going exactly how id planned, *looks down lowering my ears* id wanted to have a nice lovely lil rp with her. see thing is, when i first started out as a furry i was a much much much diffrent fur from how i am now, and this is a small shout out to  Vexxus and  Draugr this is oone of the reasons that the cb stories have sooo much meaning to me. they make me want to be that fox i was back then, i was a much much much better daughter back then but that aside. soo i tryed to have this rp and..it just wouldnt go the way i wanted it too. either other people kept interupting and pulling her away from me or other things happend. i miss her sooo much. she started a small chat group on Skype like...years ago and i mean YEARS ago...its been almost 8 years now i think. and i was one of the ORIGINAL pups in the chat. ive left a few times but always came back. over the years, many others have come and gone now the originals are down to 3. me and 2 others. and im feeling like...im that old toy on the shelf that you used to play with all the time. and then you put up to play with another one and just never got the prior back out again. i feel like im getting lost in the crowd getting kinda forgotten and over looked by my mommy. imiss her sooo much. we used to text all the time, we would video or voice chat often, and other things. wed always have time for each other. now i see her snuggling and cuddling up with others and not me and i cant help but think "thats how we used to be. that used to be me....that should be me" im not really jealous, i dont think i am any way, im just...lonely and i miss my mommy. the one that would hold me during thunderstorms, the one who i could text if i was upset and allways expect a speedy reply, the mommy that used to well...that used to show me how much she loves me. i reallly really really miss it.

oaky guys you know the drill ask me anything you wanna know and you are guarenteed to get a straight and honest answer no matter what it is!

so here we are again on tmi tuesday. ask me stuff and ill answer full and honest answers. if you want i will put in a few new things about me. on saturday i got my very first chastity device. ive got some new diapers called snuggies those are the only new things i have sadly but still ask me anything and everything and ill give full and honest answers.

okay  Shyanne has run into some problems recently. bad ones, and it seems like she may have to pay her bank a very very large sum of money, money she dosnt have. shes in desperate need of money. shes a great artests and her rates are very resonable. please i emplore you all to commission her. so she can get the money she needs

please?

sooo this is another journal like update and and here we go agin, soo just last night my very first cub seaks me outk, and instead of being mother daughter now we are sisters and cubs of  Azzuenswiftpaw on Skype, well another fur I know said that new comers piss him off, so I blew a gasket over it, and dint bother looking in the other chats to see if there was more to it, couse I figured there wasn't then I get on, and they get pissed off at me and it just turns into a giant cluster fuck, I mean geeze im on thin ice with a azzy and shes in all the same chats that im in so shes bound to see it at some point. and when she dose shes more than likely gonna tan my hide good irp for it and well its just a lot of stress and I more or less went against one of her rules for me as shes my momma and stuff but yea, wh cant anything ever just be right for once with this other fur I mean ugh its such a night mare,

sooooo I missed tmi Tuesday, again. sooo totally honest Wednesday, again, ask me stuff but im doing the same as star now you ask me something but ill ask you something too hehe sound fair? lol any way, c'mon guys, ask me stuff!!!!!!!!! really im dieing to hear your questions I have like a butt load of followers surely some one wants to ask me stuff!!!!

pask me things,s ill give you a totlay blunt straightforward honest answer, ask me anything!

sooo I didn't get a chance to post a tmi Tuesday journal soo to make up ill do a totally honest Wednesday instead, ill be busy most of the day, soo you can eather post your questions here, or just post them in last Tuesdays journal, okay? okay good soo also umm soon hopefull on the 3rd of next month (if not slightly sooner) my daddy in SC is buying more some more diapers, he said for being a good boy he would throw in a pair of plastic panties too, soo I hope they fit well. any way, like I said tmi Tuesday jornal from last time or just post your questions to this one. thanks

okay peoples, tmi Tuesday from me for the very first time, nothing is out of bounds if its something that I don't wanna talk about on air if you will, I will still answer I will just send it in a note, I do not have anything to hide afterall, its a totally honest and tmi Tuesday today, so I will answer any and all questions

soooo started out fairly.....decent I guess.....some how my parents booked me for a doctor's appointment on a Saturday in Tucson, (idk how but that's what it was) I went to my doctors appointment, then I went to see a movie, and then after the movie, a very close friend of mine called, and we talked for a while, then, he shouted at his mate and then some how thought he was bothering me after I told him like 12 times he wasn't! then he just hung up! gahhhh *throws my paws in the air* I don't know why I even try any more. I try so hard with him, I swear I do! I try so hard, and I try to help him all the time but if its not one thing its another, and its just, I don't know what to do any more, I cant just give up I made a promise that I wouldn't leave him and if I tell him I cant help him, he will think im abandoning him and leaving him and I cant do anything any more, I just, I don't know what to do for him I cant keep it up much longer, the littlest of things sets him off and if I step on the wrong chord or the wrong line it makes him mad and sometimes he questions if im being honest with him and then when I say I am he gets mad and it just. I don't know any more..........I just.....don't know what to do