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Long Time Coming
Posted 3 years agoHello, old friends & watchers,
I've had a few people reach out over the last couple of years, so I thought I would post an update on how I have been. I oftentimes haven't been in a good place when I have thought about posting here, but I'm not in such a bad place at the moment.
Over the past few years, a lot of difficult things have gone on in my life. It has been over 3 years since my mum passed away, and, although time has changed the nature of the pain caused by losing her, I still find myself grieving. I am sure that it will never really end, but just change over time.
I had a sudden onset of Diplopia (double-vision) around 2 years ago, and was referred to a few hospitals to investigate that. Primarily the concern was a brain tumour, but MRIs confirmed that there were no tumours anywhere in the brain or around the eyes. I was referred to a couple of orthoptic departments where I have been monitored for the past 2 years, with prisms fixed to my glasses which changed every few months and have only just stopped changing.
I had what was suspected as Covid19 at the very start of what became a pandemic and was extremely unwell for 7 weeks and eventually ending up in A&E due to breathing issues, luckily not losing my life like so many have. I have had symptoms of post-viral fatigue since then, which have impacted me a lot health-wise.
I noticed some enlarged lymph nodes in my neck not long beforehand, but the pandemic prevented me from getting the medical investigation done on so many occasions - multiple scans, blood tests, referrals later and was cleared of any cancer or other other conditions and was eventually told it was a mystery but I'd probably be fine.
A couple of weeks ago, I tested positive for Covid19. Thankfully it was a much milder case the second time. It took me a couple of weeks to get over it and am only slightly fatigued now. Working at a healthcare company, there have been stricter rules at work for a long time now regarding wearing face coverings and cleaning areas frequently to reduce the spread of the virus, and despite the UK restrictions easing for a few months now, I've personally continued to wear a mask and sanitise my hands while out in public as I'd rather help protect others if possible.
I'm thankfully mostly through the above two issues with my eyes and lymphatic system as of recently. Additionally, over the past year, I've had a significant increase in migraines which greatly impact my life. I have always suffered with them, but the problem at the moment is that I am forced to have more days off sick due to how severe they can be. The frequency of attacks is becoming very difficult and I will be looking into whether they're now classed as 'chronic' (15 or more attacks per month) and whether I can seek help with managing them from a specialist.
With all of that on top of me, it's probably not such a big surprise that I've felt exhausted for a long time. The harder things got, the less I had energy to fill my life with more positive things like my hobbies. I've had to almost drag myself through most days and have battled to keep working my job as a priority. I honestly feel so empty these days. It's not that my life is completely terrible; there are good things in my life that have kept me going and I appreciate those things greatly... I just want more emphasis on happy things and get my stress levels under control now that things are looking up a bit more.
On a more positive note, I have been in a healthy relationship for almost a year now and I can honestly say it's one of the best things to have happened to me in a long time. I've had quite a lot of relationships over my life that have been harmful and I feel content that this one is good for me. His family are lovely and like me a lot, which is such a nice feeling. I've always been cautious and I don't tend to have hopes for the future in case things fall through, but I can't help but have moments where I feel like I could start to look ahead a bit. I have also recently moved into a manager position at work which is something I never would have thought of happening in the past, but I decided to take on the challenge and hopefully I will grow and gain new skills.
I try to appreciate what is around me as much as possible. I try to practice mindfulness to a degree, to keep me grateful for the small things I get to see, hear, feel. I still struggle with depression, but I manage it as best I can. That's all I can really do... and will try my best to keep doing. What has really helped has been my beautiful rabbit companion (unfortunately not the rabbit I last posted about, as I lost her quite soon after she came into my life due to illness - another blow over the past couple of years). She is a little devil at times, but I absolutely adore her and we have a very close bond that definitely helps ground me when I've had low points.
I really hope that all of my watchers are doing ok. The pandemic has undoubtedly affected a lot of you and I hope that you have coped. Thank you to those who have reached out due to concern during my inactivity, and who have also forgiven my extremely delayed responses to their notes. Finally, thank you to those who take a few minutes to read this update.
~Lily x
I've had a few people reach out over the last couple of years, so I thought I would post an update on how I have been. I oftentimes haven't been in a good place when I have thought about posting here, but I'm not in such a bad place at the moment.
Over the past few years, a lot of difficult things have gone on in my life. It has been over 3 years since my mum passed away, and, although time has changed the nature of the pain caused by losing her, I still find myself grieving. I am sure that it will never really end, but just change over time.
I had a sudden onset of Diplopia (double-vision) around 2 years ago, and was referred to a few hospitals to investigate that. Primarily the concern was a brain tumour, but MRIs confirmed that there were no tumours anywhere in the brain or around the eyes. I was referred to a couple of orthoptic departments where I have been monitored for the past 2 years, with prisms fixed to my glasses which changed every few months and have only just stopped changing.
I had what was suspected as Covid19 at the very start of what became a pandemic and was extremely unwell for 7 weeks and eventually ending up in A&E due to breathing issues, luckily not losing my life like so many have. I have had symptoms of post-viral fatigue since then, which have impacted me a lot health-wise.
I noticed some enlarged lymph nodes in my neck not long beforehand, but the pandemic prevented me from getting the medical investigation done on so many occasions - multiple scans, blood tests, referrals later and was cleared of any cancer or other other conditions and was eventually told it was a mystery but I'd probably be fine.
A couple of weeks ago, I tested positive for Covid19. Thankfully it was a much milder case the second time. It took me a couple of weeks to get over it and am only slightly fatigued now. Working at a healthcare company, there have been stricter rules at work for a long time now regarding wearing face coverings and cleaning areas frequently to reduce the spread of the virus, and despite the UK restrictions easing for a few months now, I've personally continued to wear a mask and sanitise my hands while out in public as I'd rather help protect others if possible.
I'm thankfully mostly through the above two issues with my eyes and lymphatic system as of recently. Additionally, over the past year, I've had a significant increase in migraines which greatly impact my life. I have always suffered with them, but the problem at the moment is that I am forced to have more days off sick due to how severe they can be. The frequency of attacks is becoming very difficult and I will be looking into whether they're now classed as 'chronic' (15 or more attacks per month) and whether I can seek help with managing them from a specialist.
With all of that on top of me, it's probably not such a big surprise that I've felt exhausted for a long time. The harder things got, the less I had energy to fill my life with more positive things like my hobbies. I've had to almost drag myself through most days and have battled to keep working my job as a priority. I honestly feel so empty these days. It's not that my life is completely terrible; there are good things in my life that have kept me going and I appreciate those things greatly... I just want more emphasis on happy things and get my stress levels under control now that things are looking up a bit more.
On a more positive note, I have been in a healthy relationship for almost a year now and I can honestly say it's one of the best things to have happened to me in a long time. I've had quite a lot of relationships over my life that have been harmful and I feel content that this one is good for me. His family are lovely and like me a lot, which is such a nice feeling. I've always been cautious and I don't tend to have hopes for the future in case things fall through, but I can't help but have moments where I feel like I could start to look ahead a bit. I have also recently moved into a manager position at work which is something I never would have thought of happening in the past, but I decided to take on the challenge and hopefully I will grow and gain new skills.
I try to appreciate what is around me as much as possible. I try to practice mindfulness to a degree, to keep me grateful for the small things I get to see, hear, feel. I still struggle with depression, but I manage it as best I can. That's all I can really do... and will try my best to keep doing. What has really helped has been my beautiful rabbit companion (unfortunately not the rabbit I last posted about, as I lost her quite soon after she came into my life due to illness - another blow over the past couple of years). She is a little devil at times, but I absolutely adore her and we have a very close bond that definitely helps ground me when I've had low points.
I really hope that all of my watchers are doing ok. The pandemic has undoubtedly affected a lot of you and I hope that you have coped. Thank you to those who have reached out due to concern during my inactivity, and who have also forgiven my extremely delayed responses to their notes. Finally, thank you to those who take a few minutes to read this update.
~Lily x
Recovery
Posted 6 years agoHello everyone,
I've been meaning to write something here for some time, but this past year has been absolutely full of stress and I kept waiting to stabilise before I talked about what has been going on.
It's felt like there have been several disasters during the past year. My mum passing away so suddenly has completely changed my life. It is almost a year since she died and I still feel so confused, lost and some days the pain is so raw. Time is a healer, but I think the grief changes over time and takes different forms; the stress on me emotionally and physically has shown in different ways. I miss her so much and it is very hard to carry the grief of my dad and siblings too. There have been a couple of serious family dramas as well, which have the potential to really change my life.
I am naturally very empathetic and I tend to put everyone else before myself a lot of the time, so I think at some point recently I broke. I was signed off work a couple of weeks ago due to stress and worsening depression. It is unlike me to let my mental health get in the way of my job, but it got to a point where I was really struggling and couldn't face going a lot of the time. My job is extremely stressful and it takes a lot of passion and diligence, being that patient care is ultimately affected by what I do. My company is currently going through being acquired by a huge American company and there have been a lot of disruptions, big promises forced on us to at short notice where we are expected to deliver against ridiculous targets... and all in all, I think it pushed me too far, considering what has been going on in my personal life.
During my time off work, my beloved rabbit suddenly passed away with no warning signs which has really affected me. She was only 3 years old and we had a very, very close bond. I am devastated and really had to think about whether I wanted to have another rabbit, especially since winter is fast approaching, but after time alone I realised I missed the company and felt incomplete. I took my time making the decision and looking at different options. Ideally I would have liked to adopt a rabbit from a rescue as I believe in doing that, but it would be very hard for me to fit the criteria that the rescues set out for re-homing as I rent a house. Unfortunately it wasn't going to work out for me to take on a rescue bunny, so I ended up finding a young bunny from a pet store which uses ethical breeders. She has been handled and cared for very well by the staff and as a result is a very well adjusted and gentle rabbit.
So, here I am with a young rabbit settling into her new home. She doesn't have a name yet (I always spend a while deciding). She is extremely friendly and very laid back, already very confident and wanting to explore everything. I am very pleased, but I do miss my previous rabbit very much. I hope that I just need time to process losing her and things will settle down. The love of another bunny will probably help me to get over the loss.
On top of the things above, I developed a very worrying health issue about a month and a half ago. I suddenly developed diplopia (double vision). I went to an optician and got checked out, everything was very healthy with my eyes and surrounding tissues. I did a sight test to update my prescription, as it had changed a little, and they sent me on my way. The diplopia worsened and I immediately went to a doctor who referred me to a hospital. I have had several appointments over the past few weeks, a few blood tests that came back clear and MRI scans of my brain and eyes/nerves that showed no tumours or abnormalities. I was initially diagnosed with Sixth Nerve Palsy on the right side of my face, so my right eye was not moving normally which was preventing it form focusing with my left eye. However, a follow up yesterday highlighted that both eyes are now affected and the issue has worsened in both eyes. This is happening over a short period of time and I am worried that the longer we are not treating it the more damage may be done.
The hospital has exhausted all testing and have run out of ideas. I am now being referred to another hospital where apparently they specialise even more in double vision and similar problems. I hope that someone can get to the bottom of this as it is actually concerning me a lot. The strain on my eyes is causing constant migraines (I have spent the last 2 weeks with the same migraine now...) and the fatigue has been unreal.
Soooo. All in all, life has been pretty difficult recently and I feel like I am due some good luck by now!
I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for taking time to read this.
~ Lily
I've been meaning to write something here for some time, but this past year has been absolutely full of stress and I kept waiting to stabilise before I talked about what has been going on.
It's felt like there have been several disasters during the past year. My mum passing away so suddenly has completely changed my life. It is almost a year since she died and I still feel so confused, lost and some days the pain is so raw. Time is a healer, but I think the grief changes over time and takes different forms; the stress on me emotionally and physically has shown in different ways. I miss her so much and it is very hard to carry the grief of my dad and siblings too. There have been a couple of serious family dramas as well, which have the potential to really change my life.
I am naturally very empathetic and I tend to put everyone else before myself a lot of the time, so I think at some point recently I broke. I was signed off work a couple of weeks ago due to stress and worsening depression. It is unlike me to let my mental health get in the way of my job, but it got to a point where I was really struggling and couldn't face going a lot of the time. My job is extremely stressful and it takes a lot of passion and diligence, being that patient care is ultimately affected by what I do. My company is currently going through being acquired by a huge American company and there have been a lot of disruptions, big promises forced on us to at short notice where we are expected to deliver against ridiculous targets... and all in all, I think it pushed me too far, considering what has been going on in my personal life.
During my time off work, my beloved rabbit suddenly passed away with no warning signs which has really affected me. She was only 3 years old and we had a very, very close bond. I am devastated and really had to think about whether I wanted to have another rabbit, especially since winter is fast approaching, but after time alone I realised I missed the company and felt incomplete. I took my time making the decision and looking at different options. Ideally I would have liked to adopt a rabbit from a rescue as I believe in doing that, but it would be very hard for me to fit the criteria that the rescues set out for re-homing as I rent a house. Unfortunately it wasn't going to work out for me to take on a rescue bunny, so I ended up finding a young bunny from a pet store which uses ethical breeders. She has been handled and cared for very well by the staff and as a result is a very well adjusted and gentle rabbit.
So, here I am with a young rabbit settling into her new home. She doesn't have a name yet (I always spend a while deciding). She is extremely friendly and very laid back, already very confident and wanting to explore everything. I am very pleased, but I do miss my previous rabbit very much. I hope that I just need time to process losing her and things will settle down. The love of another bunny will probably help me to get over the loss.
On top of the things above, I developed a very worrying health issue about a month and a half ago. I suddenly developed diplopia (double vision). I went to an optician and got checked out, everything was very healthy with my eyes and surrounding tissues. I did a sight test to update my prescription, as it had changed a little, and they sent me on my way. The diplopia worsened and I immediately went to a doctor who referred me to a hospital. I have had several appointments over the past few weeks, a few blood tests that came back clear and MRI scans of my brain and eyes/nerves that showed no tumours or abnormalities. I was initially diagnosed with Sixth Nerve Palsy on the right side of my face, so my right eye was not moving normally which was preventing it form focusing with my left eye. However, a follow up yesterday highlighted that both eyes are now affected and the issue has worsened in both eyes. This is happening over a short period of time and I am worried that the longer we are not treating it the more damage may be done.
The hospital has exhausted all testing and have run out of ideas. I am now being referred to another hospital where apparently they specialise even more in double vision and similar problems. I hope that someone can get to the bottom of this as it is actually concerning me a lot. The strain on my eyes is causing constant migraines (I have spent the last 2 weeks with the same migraine now...) and the fatigue has been unreal.
Soooo. All in all, life has been pretty difficult recently and I feel like I am due some good luck by now!
I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for taking time to read this.
~ Lily
Crushed
Posted 7 years agoTwo weeks ago, my mum passed away. She was diagnosed with a 'rare' and aggressive cancer.
It was a very short time between being told her prognosis was "very positive" and being told "there is nothing else we can do". As per her wishes, my family and I cared for her at home until she faded away completely. It was awful seeing her health deteriorate to the point where she couldn't move or speak anymore. I was not present when she finally stopped breathing, but I at least got to tell her how much I loved her not long before and that I knew she loved us very much despite being unable to tell us.
I can't put into words how awful this is for me and my family. My heart is broken. We are walking around in a daze, finding it difficult to comprehend that she has gone. I know the next months will be very difficult. I hope I will be strong enough to manage.
It was a very short time between being told her prognosis was "very positive" and being told "there is nothing else we can do". As per her wishes, my family and I cared for her at home until she faded away completely. It was awful seeing her health deteriorate to the point where she couldn't move or speak anymore. I was not present when she finally stopped breathing, but I at least got to tell her how much I loved her not long before and that I knew she loved us very much despite being unable to tell us.
I can't put into words how awful this is for me and my family. My heart is broken. We are walking around in a daze, finding it difficult to comprehend that she has gone. I know the next months will be very difficult. I hope I will be strong enough to manage.
Abbey Road Studios in 2 Weeks!
Posted 9 years agoWell, well, well...
I have less than 2 weeks before I am going to be recording with some FA peeps for Fox Amoore's album "The Dreamcatcher". I can't believe it's finally almost time!
I am both excited and very nervous, but I think this time around I might be less anxious about singing in front of lots of people. I hope my nerves subside this time and that I can perform properly - last time I was so nervous I felt I could have done better, but it isn't like I can stop the nerves. I'm sure everyone will be kind and take care of me :)!
I've changed quite a lot over the past couple of years. Through life experiences and changes in my career I've had to get tougher and I've also done a lot of self-improvement; namely I have worked on my confidence and faced a lot of anxieties head on. My depression is under control for now and has been ok for a good stint which is a huge relief. It makes life a bit easier not having to drag myself around in deep depression constantly. I got away from an abusive relationship a year ago which has helped, though it took a while for me to get through/over that. Unfortunately, that person took a lot out of me and I ended up a shadow of my former self. I finally feel like I am stable and in a better place to face challenges thrown my way. My job is secure and I learn new things/skills all the time which is great - I am in Quality Assurance now in Pharmaceuticals which is interesting and challenging. I hope it means a bright future :)!
It also helps that I try to workout most nights, though due to some health issues lately I've had to take it easy... regardless, staying active is good for me and helps me to feel better about myself. It's quite impressive how one's body adapts and changes to exercise too! I've been slightly overweight for my height for some time and struggled due to so many issues with my health, but I've settled into a very low carb way of eating which seems to have calmed everything down.
With the events of the past year I have been so distanced from my art/music. Music has been more fruitful than art but lately I have very little time to do either. I acquired a bunny over Christmas which means I come home from work and have her running around the kitchen every evening, so I am sat on the floor with her until I go to bed... leaving no time for anything else really! I love her to pieces and she gives me a lot of happiness, but I finally have some drive for creativity so need to figure out how to work that into my schedule somehow. At the moment it seems I can fit it in to weekends but even then I don't feel I can get much done in one sitting.
Not much else to report... I guess for those who are interested in my music, please keep tabs on my other account :LilyPad icon: . I have a few tracks of my own in the works which I must get finished. Of course, in the coming year there will be The Dreamcatcher which I am featured on, which should be interesting! I should also be contributing to Kaze: Ghost Warrior this year; the project slowed down due to a few things but I hear it is due to continue soon. I've been wanting to give voice acting another shot for a while so I hope it happens! It also serves to inspire my music as I love to offer music to the project too. I have all these amazing VST instruments that need some use.
I hope everyone is well... last year was a pretty rough time for a lot of us.
Sorry I've been inactive... some day I swear I'll get things back on track. Until then, I still check up on everything and I comment a little... and I loooove seeing all the art here, it does help to make me want to get my groove back.
Take care and thanks as always for all your support! I still get occasional faves/watches and it always makes me feel so privileged :)!
~ Lily x
I have less than 2 weeks before I am going to be recording with some FA peeps for Fox Amoore's album "The Dreamcatcher". I can't believe it's finally almost time!
I am both excited and very nervous, but I think this time around I might be less anxious about singing in front of lots of people. I hope my nerves subside this time and that I can perform properly - last time I was so nervous I felt I could have done better, but it isn't like I can stop the nerves. I'm sure everyone will be kind and take care of me :)!
I've changed quite a lot over the past couple of years. Through life experiences and changes in my career I've had to get tougher and I've also done a lot of self-improvement; namely I have worked on my confidence and faced a lot of anxieties head on. My depression is under control for now and has been ok for a good stint which is a huge relief. It makes life a bit easier not having to drag myself around in deep depression constantly. I got away from an abusive relationship a year ago which has helped, though it took a while for me to get through/over that. Unfortunately, that person took a lot out of me and I ended up a shadow of my former self. I finally feel like I am stable and in a better place to face challenges thrown my way. My job is secure and I learn new things/skills all the time which is great - I am in Quality Assurance now in Pharmaceuticals which is interesting and challenging. I hope it means a bright future :)!
It also helps that I try to workout most nights, though due to some health issues lately I've had to take it easy... regardless, staying active is good for me and helps me to feel better about myself. It's quite impressive how one's body adapts and changes to exercise too! I've been slightly overweight for my height for some time and struggled due to so many issues with my health, but I've settled into a very low carb way of eating which seems to have calmed everything down.
With the events of the past year I have been so distanced from my art/music. Music has been more fruitful than art but lately I have very little time to do either. I acquired a bunny over Christmas which means I come home from work and have her running around the kitchen every evening, so I am sat on the floor with her until I go to bed... leaving no time for anything else really! I love her to pieces and she gives me a lot of happiness, but I finally have some drive for creativity so need to figure out how to work that into my schedule somehow. At the moment it seems I can fit it in to weekends but even then I don't feel I can get much done in one sitting.
Not much else to report... I guess for those who are interested in my music, please keep tabs on my other account :LilyPad icon: . I have a few tracks of my own in the works which I must get finished. Of course, in the coming year there will be The Dreamcatcher which I am featured on, which should be interesting! I should also be contributing to Kaze: Ghost Warrior this year; the project slowed down due to a few things but I hear it is due to continue soon. I've been wanting to give voice acting another shot for a while so I hope it happens! It also serves to inspire my music as I love to offer music to the project too. I have all these amazing VST instruments that need some use.
I hope everyone is well... last year was a pretty rough time for a lot of us.
Sorry I've been inactive... some day I swear I'll get things back on track. Until then, I still check up on everything and I comment a little... and I loooove seeing all the art here, it does help to make me want to get my groove back.
Take care and thanks as always for all your support! I still get occasional faves/watches and it always makes me feel so privileged :)!
~ Lily x
Hi FA
Posted 10 years agoI have been away from FA for a very long time... I realised my last journal was over a year ago. I was actually surprised it was really that long.
I have been through a hell of a lot over the past year. A lot of heartache and difficult times... and it took a lot out of me. I've not really paid any attention to art for so long now. However... I recently started doodling again which is a change for me. I've paid a bit more attention to my music and developing that side of my creativity which is nice, but art was a huge part of me that I have lost for too long. I hope that, with a new year ahead and some big changes in my life (at the moment I am moving into my own place!), I might actually start to rediscover that missing part of me. I am hoping with a change of living situation I can start to draw and stream as I'll have an internet connection to myself which will help bigtime.
Whether I do or not only time will tell. Regardless, I have occasionally checked in on FA randomly throughout the year and I do keep tabs on people on here. I have seen some bad news for a lot of people and it saddens me a lot to see people struggling. Even though I am not around as much at the moment I do still care and I wanted to post this journal in order to express that.
To my friends and my loyal watchers here I wanted to let you all know I am doing well enough and to say hello.
I also want to say thank you to those who still watch me and to those new watchers that have come along this year despite my inactivity. Thank you so much.
You may see me around a bit more... let's see how that pans out. I'll still lurk if nothing else.
Kind regards to all of you,
~Lily
I have been through a hell of a lot over the past year. A lot of heartache and difficult times... and it took a lot out of me. I've not really paid any attention to art for so long now. However... I recently started doodling again which is a change for me. I've paid a bit more attention to my music and developing that side of my creativity which is nice, but art was a huge part of me that I have lost for too long. I hope that, with a new year ahead and some big changes in my life (at the moment I am moving into my own place!), I might actually start to rediscover that missing part of me. I am hoping with a change of living situation I can start to draw and stream as I'll have an internet connection to myself which will help bigtime.
Whether I do or not only time will tell. Regardless, I have occasionally checked in on FA randomly throughout the year and I do keep tabs on people on here. I have seen some bad news for a lot of people and it saddens me a lot to see people struggling. Even though I am not around as much at the moment I do still care and I wanted to post this journal in order to express that.
To my friends and my loyal watchers here I wanted to let you all know I am doing well enough and to say hello.
I also want to say thank you to those who still watch me and to those new watchers that have come along this year despite my inactivity. Thank you so much.
You may see me around a bit more... let's see how that pans out. I'll still lurk if nothing else.
Kind regards to all of you,
~Lily
Happy New Year
Posted 11 years agoHappy new year to all my dear watchers. I know I have had a very unproductive year which pains me greatly, but it's been a tough year (again :/) and maybe this year will be a bit brighter for me and a lot of others. I know tons of people have had a really hard year and I really hope that improves for 2015.
As always your watches and your comments/support throughout 2014 mean a lot to me and I am sorry I haven't been very active! I still check around FA and I still enjoy seeing journals and art/music from those I watch.
My year has been a bit of a roller coaster ride... from going to record with
at Abbey Road Studios (it seems so long ago now, still a bit baffled as to how it all came about), seeing my sister get sick and then recover to full health (she is good now, by the way)... being promoted once and possibly being promoted a second time (this year apparently, we shall see)... discovering I can play the piano pretty decently and loving the way I feel when I play... creating some of the best pieces of music I have ever done, contributing to some of the best collabs I've ever had the pleasure to be part of... losing friends I thought I couldn't lose, making new friends I had no idea I could connect with :) ... seeing many artist friends develop their art and seeing them improve more and more... getting sick three times in a row (I hardly ever get sick but this year... argh!)... going to the gym for the first time in my life ;)... being asked to be voice actress for Kaze: Ghost Warrior created by 
... so many things that I am glad I lived through.
I hope this year is happier for me... I have something going on in my life right now that is kind of exciting but is also complicated. I hope it works out.
I also hope I can find my mojo with my art or music. So far music is winning, I can't say I have drawn much at all lately :<. I can't force it though.
Thank you again for sticking by me, I really appreciate it. I might not be the best at keeping friends or talking to people as I am super shy and find I get very anxious about social situations... I do care and I am sorry I am taking ages to get back to notes or comments. I just get overwhelmed easily.
Here's hoping we all have a better year this year. :)
Sending lots of good wishes for your good health and happiness,
~ Lily x
As always your watches and your comments/support throughout 2014 mean a lot to me and I am sorry I haven't been very active! I still check around FA and I still enjoy seeing journals and art/music from those I watch.
My year has been a bit of a roller coaster ride... from going to record with
at Abbey Road Studios (it seems so long ago now, still a bit baffled as to how it all came about), seeing my sister get sick and then recover to full health (she is good now, by the way)... being promoted once and possibly being promoted a second time (this year apparently, we shall see)... discovering I can play the piano pretty decently and loving the way I feel when I play... creating some of the best pieces of music I have ever done, contributing to some of the best collabs I've ever had the pleasure to be part of... losing friends I thought I couldn't lose, making new friends I had no idea I could connect with :) ... seeing many artist friends develop their art and seeing them improve more and more... getting sick three times in a row (I hardly ever get sick but this year... argh!)... going to the gym for the first time in my life ;)... being asked to be voice actress for Kaze: Ghost Warrior created by 
... so many things that I am glad I lived through.
I hope this year is happier for me... I have something going on in my life right now that is kind of exciting but is also complicated. I hope it works out.
I also hope I can find my mojo with my art or music. So far music is winning, I can't say I have drawn much at all lately :<. I can't force it though.
Thank you again for sticking by me, I really appreciate it. I might not be the best at keeping friends or talking to people as I am super shy and find I get very anxious about social situations... I do care and I am sorry I am taking ages to get back to notes or comments. I just get overwhelmed easily.
Here's hoping we all have a better year this year. :)
Sending lots of good wishes for your good health and happiness,
~ Lily x
Happy Holidays
Posted 11 years agoHappy Holidays to all my watchers :)
Currently I am pretty unwell... not sure what it is, it felt like Flu yesterday as I was shivering, had a temperature and was weak. Today I managed to get out of bed and am able to check my emails/furaffinity etc. I wanted to wish everyone a happy Christmas or whatever you might celebrate.
I'll be banished to one end of the living room while the festivities occur I am sure :P Don't want to make everyone sick! Seems like it may be a chest infection now which I'll have to keep an eye on :<
Anyways, have a good Christmas today/tomorrow! :)
~ Lilyness
Currently I am pretty unwell... not sure what it is, it felt like Flu yesterday as I was shivering, had a temperature and was weak. Today I managed to get out of bed and am able to check my emails/furaffinity etc. I wanted to wish everyone a happy Christmas or whatever you might celebrate.
I'll be banished to one end of the living room while the festivities occur I am sure :P Don't want to make everyone sick! Seems like it may be a chest infection now which I'll have to keep an eye on :<
Anyways, have a good Christmas today/tomorrow! :)
~ Lilyness
Sites I can Find You On Aside FA
Posted 11 years agoHi everyone,
With all the uh... incidents... that happen on FA, I want to make sure I can stay in touch with my watchers on other sites.
Please reply with your Weasyl usernames and other gallery usernames so I can make sure I don't lose sight of you. I tend to be a lurker these days but I do keep tabs on people I've been friendly with on FA even if I am quiet.
As a reminder, I am on Weasyl (although just as inactive as FA... I want to try and change that). I am also on Twitter as Lilyness and regularly (moan) post on there with random stuff.
Thanks in advance!
~ Lily ~
With all the uh... incidents... that happen on FA, I want to make sure I can stay in touch with my watchers on other sites.
Please reply with your Weasyl usernames and other gallery usernames so I can make sure I don't lose sight of you. I tend to be a lurker these days but I do keep tabs on people I've been friendly with on FA even if I am quiet.
As a reminder, I am on Weasyl (although just as inactive as FA... I want to try and change that). I am also on Twitter as Lilyness and regularly (moan) post on there with random stuff.
Thanks in advance!
~ Lily ~
Kaze: Winds of Change - Episode 01. " Borne of Fire "
Posted 11 years agoFinally, it's released!
Prequel, Radio Drama series to the 2004 short-film: KAZE: GHOST WARRIOR
EPISODE 01 "WINDS OF CHANGE"
Please spread the word and support us in bringing to life the dream that a very special furry lady has held in her heart for a long time.
dreamsong amadhia
http://KazeGhostWarrior.com
Kaze_GW
I got to contribute two tracks featured in this episode which you can listen to on my music account:
lilypad
Maybe there will be more music from me... who knows? :)
Thanks for your support and interest... we have a brilliant group of voice actors on this project... it's exciting to unleash their talent on the world ;)!
~ Lily
Prequel, Radio Drama series to the 2004 short-film: KAZE: GHOST WARRIOR
EPISODE 01 "WINDS OF CHANGE"
Please spread the word and support us in bringing to life the dream that a very special furry lady has held in her heart for a long time.
dreamsong amadhiahttp://KazeGhostWarrior.com
Kaze_GW
I got to contribute two tracks featured in this episode which you can listen to on my music account:
lilypadMaybe there will be more music from me... who knows? :)
Thanks for your support and interest... we have a brilliant group of voice actors on this project... it's exciting to unleash their talent on the world ;)!
~ Lily
Come Find Me - New Preview
Posted 11 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/13353516/
Very exciting :3
On a somewhat related note... who is going to Eurofurence? ~
Very exciting :3
On a somewhat related note... who is going to Eurofurence? ~
Abbey Road: The Documentary :D
Posted 11 years agoHere it is folks... enjoy :)
http://youtu.be/FmAyahigZVk
Thank you to
and 
for all their hard work and dedication to this little project.
Watching this gives me all the nerves, excitement and happiness I felt when I was there :)
Isn't the orchestra amazing ?? This is the RAW AUDIO so it is not even bloody mixed etc. Imagine how fantastic they will sound when it is all done. I am so amazed by how beautiful it sounds in the hall at Abbey Road. Amazing <3
Major thanks to the fandom for making this dream come true. I can't wait to hear the album. It's so exciting!
Everyone was amazing and kind. Much love to all of the people involved.
So proud of what our community can do.
http://youtu.be/FmAyahigZVk
Thank you to
and 
for all their hard work and dedication to this little project. Watching this gives me all the nerves, excitement and happiness I felt when I was there :)
Isn't the orchestra amazing ?? This is the RAW AUDIO so it is not even bloody mixed etc. Imagine how fantastic they will sound when it is all done. I am so amazed by how beautiful it sounds in the hall at Abbey Road. Amazing <3
Major thanks to the fandom for making this dream come true. I can't wait to hear the album. It's so exciting!
Everyone was amazing and kind. Much love to all of the people involved.
So proud of what our community can do.
Come Find Me - Album Preview :)
Posted 12 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/12612758/
Listen to that orchestra! Nowhere near as epic as being there in that studio hall listening to it. Honestly... one of the most moving moments in my life. Knowing that Fox's dream was just starting to come true was incredible even for me ^^!
Listen to that orchestra! Nowhere near as epic as being there in that studio hall listening to it. Honestly... one of the most moving moments in my life. Knowing that Fox's dream was just starting to come true was incredible even for me ^^!
Abbey Road
Posted 12 years agoI'm home. Wooooah.
So, the past week was a mixture of stress, sleep deprivation and then excitement and joy.
I dreaded so many things I had to do over the past two days. The travelling, the people, meeting people I have often looked up to and then of course singing in the most famous studio ever and meeting so many professional people. I feared singing to an audience of any kind. I can't easily sing to people close to me, so I was positive I would mess up badly when it came to the crunch.
However, I managed it... it was hard. I shook, I paced... but I have to say, as soon as I got into Studio 1... wow. That studio hall is amazing. The acoustics are incredible. It makes every voice in there sound heavenly. I instantly wanted so badly to sing in that hall, and I did. At first I sang with this wobbliness to my voice. I walked around singing, trying to block everything out. Fox was playing the piano in one of the rooms that joins onto the hall, so I figured I would just take the chance to warm up and get over my nerves. I slowly began to relax, but was still very stressed.
I was eventually singing away and could tell people were listening, so I kept making myself continue. After a little while I felt a presence behind me and turned around mid song to find dreamsong stood behind me, staring back at me. She asked if I was Lily and we hugged eachother. Finally I got to meet someone I have connected with a little over email and through working with. She is a wonderful person and it was an absolute pleasure to have her company. I was very nervous, so I hope she doesn't mind how quiet I was sometimes, but I was just shy and I am not a big talker a lot of the time. I am much more a listener.
I feel like I have a friend in her, and hopefully we can speak more and more. I'm so glad we met. I really do admire her so much! :) Without her help and reassurance, I'd not have managed to face all of the fears I had. She held my hand through all of it, and I am so grateful. She kept patiently telling me I was doing great and that I had to just relax. She was like this mom encouraging me, it was so sweet.
Meeting Fox was great too. He didn't have much time to talk which was fine, but when I did get to speak with him it was easy because he is so calm and friendly. For my last song takes, he asked if we could record the piano and vocals together as he had been doing this with other songs, and I agreed. When he started playing around while we waited for the engineers to set things up I started to sing along when he played "Somewhere Only We Know". I don't know if it was just me, but we were so in harmony with eachother. It felt like something clicked for me, and the piano accompaniment really gave me confidence. I love the piano. It's a beautiful instrument... it's definitely my favourite instrument of all. Having him play and easing myself around that was magical. He even suggested we do some stuff as extras on the album, but there was a lot to do so I really didn't expect us to have time for that as much as I could have done it all day! Seriously Fox, it was a pleasure to sing with you and just .. ack! It was so -right- for me.
Unfortunately the first two songs were done while my nerves were trolling me... so I feel if I'd done them again I'd have done far better. The last song, Immortality, was so much better/easier for me. I hope the other songs don't sound terrible >.<;;
Everyone I met was amazingly supportive and encouraging. Honestly, I am so sorry to everyone that I was so nervous and quiet. I honestly wasn't looking for compliments but I am so grateful that I was reassured. I couldn't have done it without all of the support I got. I met some sweet, kindhearted people that it was an honour to get to talk to. Thank you all for your kindness.
So... I was interviewed and photographed for the documentary/media part of the album... so maybe you will all get to see me in person at some point. I was pretty nervous about those parts too but I wanted to pitch in for all involved and make this special with the other musicians. Besides... life is far too short to be restricted by fears. I realised that I have to keep fighting them so that I can enjoy my life more.
I can't wait for the album to be finished. I really can't wait! :D I hope you all get to hear previews soon. The orchestra was FANTASTIC. Hearing everyone creating their parts was also fantastic. It taught me a lot about how studio recording works, and also let me feel a bit more relaxed about things because I was putting too much pressure on myself.
Eee! So exciting! Maybe you guys will start seeing/hearing me at cons performing live with Fox and other people :3!
So, the past week was a mixture of stress, sleep deprivation and then excitement and joy.
I dreaded so many things I had to do over the past two days. The travelling, the people, meeting people I have often looked up to and then of course singing in the most famous studio ever and meeting so many professional people. I feared singing to an audience of any kind. I can't easily sing to people close to me, so I was positive I would mess up badly when it came to the crunch.
However, I managed it... it was hard. I shook, I paced... but I have to say, as soon as I got into Studio 1... wow. That studio hall is amazing. The acoustics are incredible. It makes every voice in there sound heavenly. I instantly wanted so badly to sing in that hall, and I did. At first I sang with this wobbliness to my voice. I walked around singing, trying to block everything out. Fox was playing the piano in one of the rooms that joins onto the hall, so I figured I would just take the chance to warm up and get over my nerves. I slowly began to relax, but was still very stressed.
I was eventually singing away and could tell people were listening, so I kept making myself continue. After a little while I felt a presence behind me and turned around mid song to find
dreamsong stood behind me, staring back at me. She asked if I was Lily and we hugged eachother. Finally I got to meet someone I have connected with a little over email and through working with. She is a wonderful person and it was an absolute pleasure to have her company. I was very nervous, so I hope she doesn't mind how quiet I was sometimes, but I was just shy and I am not a big talker a lot of the time. I am much more a listener. I feel like I have a friend in her, and hopefully we can speak more and more. I'm so glad we met. I really do admire her so much! :) Without her help and reassurance, I'd not have managed to face all of the fears I had. She held my hand through all of it, and I am so grateful. She kept patiently telling me I was doing great and that I had to just relax. She was like this mom encouraging me, it was so sweet.
Meeting Fox was great too. He didn't have much time to talk which was fine, but when I did get to speak with him it was easy because he is so calm and friendly. For my last song takes, he asked if we could record the piano and vocals together as he had been doing this with other songs, and I agreed. When he started playing around while we waited for the engineers to set things up I started to sing along when he played "Somewhere Only We Know". I don't know if it was just me, but we were so in harmony with eachother. It felt like something clicked for me, and the piano accompaniment really gave me confidence. I love the piano. It's a beautiful instrument... it's definitely my favourite instrument of all. Having him play and easing myself around that was magical. He even suggested we do some stuff as extras on the album, but there was a lot to do so I really didn't expect us to have time for that as much as I could have done it all day! Seriously Fox, it was a pleasure to sing with you and just .. ack! It was so -right- for me.
Unfortunately the first two songs were done while my nerves were trolling me... so I feel if I'd done them again I'd have done far better. The last song, Immortality, was so much better/easier for me. I hope the other songs don't sound terrible >.<;;
Everyone I met was amazingly supportive and encouraging. Honestly, I am so sorry to everyone that I was so nervous and quiet. I honestly wasn't looking for compliments but I am so grateful that I was reassured. I couldn't have done it without all of the support I got. I met some sweet, kindhearted people that it was an honour to get to talk to. Thank you all for your kindness.
So... I was interviewed and photographed for the documentary/media part of the album... so maybe you will all get to see me in person at some point. I was pretty nervous about those parts too but I wanted to pitch in for all involved and make this special with the other musicians. Besides... life is far too short to be restricted by fears. I realised that I have to keep fighting them so that I can enjoy my life more.
I can't wait for the album to be finished. I really can't wait! :D I hope you all get to hear previews soon. The orchestra was FANTASTIC. Hearing everyone creating their parts was also fantastic. It taught me a lot about how studio recording works, and also let me feel a bit more relaxed about things because I was putting too much pressure on myself.
Eee! So exciting! Maybe you guys will start seeing/hearing me at cons performing live with Fox and other people :3!
