Boosting for my lad  chelfienoodles

Tomorrow Chelfie’s hosting a sketch streaming event! Sketches are $15 in-stream but if you sign up ahead of time they’re $10 :> All info can be found in his journal entry ——> https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9440768/

So I’ve been pretty spotty with my presence on here. Truth be told, it’s just because I haven’t been making that much content. I’ve been in a big energy slump for uuuuhh like a good two years if we’re being really honest about it but 2018 especially I’ve been not caring about anything. I do have LOTS of ideas for poems, stories, one shot comics, and illustrations but it’s getting the time and the energy together to follow through that’s the hard part. (Also supplies—gotta get more brush pens and markers stat)

To kickstart the creative juices and give myself an excuse to get creating, I’m opening up art trade slots for anyone who wants to make a trade :> I work in traditional media and I’d be happy to go apples to apples re content. That is, if you wanna do a single character lined piece for me, I’ll do one for you, if you want to do color I’ll do color etc. I’ll open the slots up now so comment below or DM if you’re interested ^^

1. OPEN

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We knew things were getting bad for a few weeks now, but yesterday morning I lost my grandpa. My dad’s father, who we thought was doing fine until about a month ago. Then everything went downhill fast like a rollercoaster and now he’s gone away. My grandpa and grandma were the ones who raised me and my brother and instilled in me my love for knowledge, history, and art. I’m happy that he isn’t hurting or tired anymore but I’ll miss him for the rest of my life.

After the funeral Monday I want to take a few days off to just drive around the northeast. In hard times journeys are the one thing that will always make me feel a little better. Long trips require a lot of gas though and I want to be sure I have enough that I won’t get stranded anywhere. If you want to help it would mean the universe to me and I won’t ask for something without offering anything in return. My Etsy shop TheLordOfTheLake is still up and running https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheLordOfTheLake and I have ko-fi has gone live http://ko-fi.com/linabeest for any ko-fi donation I’ll draw a thank you picture of your sona.

Some of the happiest times of my childhood were going on trips with my grandparents. I’d like to feel like I’m taking the trip with him and driving this time.

Woop woop flash sale!!!! For the sacred holiday only I’m having a 20% off sale in my Etsy shop. Enter 420BLAZEIT at checkout and save a fifth so you can buy a fifth henny 🍁🚬👌🏻

https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheLordOfTheLake

Yep Lina went and spent all their money...AGAIN...and now it’s time to russle up some rent money before someone starts pounding on the door 8) But this is to the benefit of you, my lovely followers, as now everything in my shop is on sale! All merchandise is marked down until next Saturday so take a look around c:

https://t.co/thRELXq854 Will I see you here?

Wee it’s finally time!! It’s easily an upwards of ten hour drive for me to The Pitt so I’m gonna leave at like. Two in the morning probably ._. I’ll be in the city Thursday through Sunday so if anyone wants to hang say hey!

Also, not to be a beggar, but a thousand mile trip takes a LOT of gas and I don’t have a lot of money orz I just posted a bunch of new items that are also on my Etsy with more to come before the afternoon is over. Even a small purchase is a big help! <3 alternatively, I have quite the quantity of *ahem* high quality mari-jo-wanna that I’ll be bringing down, so if you want to help a brother out I’ll be happy to smoke you up B)

Puff puff funds and other kind donations can be directed to my Venmo, Lina_Clark_3

Still haven't gotten my scanner. I work during the post offices hours every day I work and they're closed Sunday so I have to wait for my day off.

One of my coworkers in Middletown has a sister who works at RISD. Hopefully that good old Rhode Island nepotism will help me out in getting a position.

Filed my tax returns. I'm getting less money back then I did last year.

My morfar collapsed last night and was admitted to the hospital. They found a third degree heart blockage. I went to see him. It was my first time going to a hospital to visit someone alone. It was my first time in my life being around him without any other family members save for a handful of brief car rides in my childhood. He was asleep when I came to the ICU and I told him if he wanted to go back to sleep he could. He said thanks, he will. It made me smile because we have a similar quiet sarcasm that way, even when we hurt. We never talked much the entire time we've shared on earth but it's because we both have very introverted tendencies. We're very similar. I look like him. I wonder if I looked like his brothers to him. I wonder if my blond gold hair and light eyes made him think of Denmark when he looked at me. He is ninety and I have a feeling in my gut that he might not come back this time. If he walks on I'm happy that we saw each other first.

I'm sitting at a bar alone spending money I don't have because I won't go home right now to my roommate nagging, I'm not going and locking myself in my room to get some peace. When I disassociate it's like my body is not mine. I'm piloting a puppet.

So after about oh, ten years of being in dire need of one, I FINALLY ordered a scanner! I'm really excited to be able to share my traditional pieces in a goddamn halfway pleasing manner. So once I get it I'm gonna be reuploading a lot of my pieces with newly scanned files :> stay tuned!

I knew since I was a child that I had a fucked up family, with the parasite of it all being my father. It's only now that I'm an independent adult living away from my parents that I see the extent of how fucked up the situation is. Lately more and more things are falling into place and I need somewhere to vent my thoughts about it i guess.

Let's start off with the important part: my father is a paranoid possessive drug addicted crazy person. I've never at any point in my life heard another member of my family criticize his nightly abuse of sleep medication, and who knows what the fuck else from the pharmacy on his gentleman's chest. He takes dose after dose every night and doesn't sleep, wandering (9 times out of 10 completely naked) delirious around the house crashing into things, screaming and bawling like he's on fire at the slightest injury incured in this inebriated phase. Every week the fire alarms go off in the middle of the night from him sticking shit in the oven or on the stove and forgetting about it. Being awoken by alarms and screaming was a near-nightly occurrence to the point that I would be woken up by it, sigh, put my pillow over my head and go back to sleep. This was normal. He's burst into my room in this state because he was so delirious he had no idea where he was. I've had to step over his naked body asleep in the hallway to get to work or school. When I was a kid there were multiple times that he told me to go places with him in the middle of the night and drove me all over creation high as a kite. I didn't say no because I thought this was normal and because I was terrified of him.

Now the irony is that despite all of this, he treated me the best out of my brother, my mother, and me. Early on in life my brother and I learned that the way to survive in our household was to be quiet and be alone and by the time I was in high school we would almost always go straight to our rooms and stay there with doors shut after arriving home. This was safest. The person who bore the brunt of his abuse, and the target of most of it, has always been my mother. He monopolizes every second of her time that he possibly can. When he was working, he would make her wait on him hand and foot. Every day she would make him breakfast and bring it to him in bed or wherever else he felt like being at that time. She would lay out his clothes and personal items for the day. She would thread his belt through his fucking pant loops. Any moment that she wasn't in the same room as him doing what he told her to do he would scream and roar, and once she finally answered the summons he would call her neglectful and selfish. To this day he yells at her for going out to see friends or family and whenever she's out constantly calls and texts her to demand to know where she is and when she's coming home. He literally wants her within arm's reach at all times and she's punished for not accommodating.

For how badly he treated my mother (and neglected and ignored my brother) he always treated me like gold. I never argued with him on anything. To this day when I'm around him I don't even speak. If I do it's in direct response to questions. I'm quiet, meek, and submissive--three things that I absolutely am not with anyone else or in any other facet of my life. I knew better. I saw what daring to try to be a normal human being got my mother and brother. I knew that my father's love was completely conditional and limited to how much he thinks someone is cowing to him. The one time I ever stepped out of line - when I dared to move out - he came to my room and disowned me on the spot. This was the lesson he taught me: people only love you as long as you're giving them each and every thing they want and the second you make a mistake you're trash.

Now that I see my parents infrequently it gives me a whole other bizarre insight. They currently go to marriage counseling five days a week, which doesn't include trips to their own individual therapists. My father talks to me - as if this is reasonable and normal - about how selfish my mother is for doing things like visiting friends, or helping her best friend who is both disabled and on support from the state. He speaks with disgust about how her job involves interacting with the public, as if she's whoring herself out to the entire town (she works at a fucking deli). He told me, saying to NEVER TELL ANYONE (of course I agreed and have been very stingy with how and when I let this information out), that for years he has been reading her journals and emails because he's constantly convinced that she's cheating on him. He complains and all but accuses her of having an affair when she wants to do things by herself. He says it's because of how her family raised her that she likes time to herself and says that it's "not normal" to be that way. He knows she is asexual and still coerces her into sex on a regular basis, using words from their counsellors and therapists to justify his behavior. Everything he does he uses their words to justify.

I was a freshman in high school when my mother first told me she wanted to divorce him but couldn't because she didn't have the money and didn't want to end up living in poverty like her best friend, who had run from an abusive husband herself. Because my father required her to be at his beck and call at all times and didn't want her around people she couldnt get a job to start saving up money to leave. It was only when he was kid off nearly two years ago now that there was no choice but for her to get a job to keep them afloat. Even now, with my parents and brother fighting poverty, he tells her they "get along better" when she takes less shifts and yells at her for working. Because he always wants her around. He always wants to know where she is. He wants her all to himself. He says this is normal.

I'm wondering if now, finally having the leg up in their relationship, if my mother will divorce him. I doubt it because she's been so resigned to this situation for so long, but with rock bottom coming ever closer soon she'll have nowhere to go but up. I love my mother. She's the most selfless, giving person I've ever met. She taught me to care for others and give the shirt off my back to anyone who needs it. She's a being of kindness who flourishes around things she enjoys. She loves animals, nature, food, music, art, theater, and her friends and family. And like me, she squashes that person to survive around him. She signed herself over to live and die unfulfilled and mistreated.

I wish my mother could be happy. For years and years I've wished my father would die so she could finally be free. I can't make her leave and there's not much I can do to help her, but I wish she could have the life she wanted. She's wasted so many years on someone who didn't deserve a week, or even a day. I can't shake the guilt that I got away while she and my brother are left behind with that monster. Every now and then I think of the brief few days a couple of years back when he was at the hospital recovering from his hip replacement and we didn't have to deal with him. For the first time, in as long as I could remember, the house was comfortable. We could move around as we pleased and talk openly with each other. We all smiled more than we ever had. When I remember I start to cry because our lives have been wasted not having an environment like that.

When my father came back from the hospital he ignored my brother and I for three days. On the fourth day, speaking to me for the first time since he'd gotten back, he demanded to know where my mother was.

This place is my soundboard for how my life is going so here's update time!

So apparently all the managers of my company's locations in the whole state are saying Fuck This and looking for new jobs. I don't blame them a bit since this shit company has been piling more and more work on them with zero compensation for a while now. The upside is this is finally a fire under my ass to get me out there applying for a better job. I've only been here this long to gather experience and because of insurance and union membership, so I was going to start looking around anyway. What I'm hoping for is a position at RISD, since now I have experience in record keeping and they're always hiring for positions in their university and museum (I'd REALLY love to apply for an assistant teaching position there but you have to have been to grad school). If they won't take me, I'll probably end up in another medical office. This time around I'd want to be in a private office though - no more corporate bullshit for me fuckin thanks.

Honestly I feel relieved. I've hated this job since day one but being straight out of college with limited employment history I didn't have a lot of choices. Now I have experience and working in a job that combines the worst of retail and medical services has given me a tough skin. I'm ready to barter for myself this time around, not grab whatever will take me.

Other than that I'll be having a lot of time off in the upcoming weeks!! I'm using up my vacation time while I'm here, so I'm looking forward to taking the time to focus on making more art. Take a nap while I'm at it.

Hi I want to do something positive and wholesome. To do something good for my emotional state, I'm going to list ten compliments I've received more than once. I invite you to play too! :3

1. I smell good
2. My eyes are pretty
3. I'm a good listener
4. I give good massages
5. I mix a strong yet drinkable cocktail
6. I'm good in bed
7. I have nice lips
8. I'm a good singer
9. I have good taste in accessories
10. I'm a hard worker

Think about some good things you've heard about yourself! Comment and I'll tell you three things I like about you ^^

I would rather not talk about the details, but I'm in a dark space again, let's just leave it at that. So if you got any quality memes or anything to combat the forces of emotional darkness, you're welcome to share. All contributions are accepted : p

To any fellow New Englanders, hi! Hello! We're going to have an exciting day tomorrow aren't we? Where I am it's forecasting high winds and 8-14 inches of snow. That's weather talk for We Gon' Fuckin Die.

As someone who has been out of work for most of this week because of a burst pipe, lemme be your dad and provide some reminders for good winter caution:

-keep your heat at at least 63 degrees Fahrenheit. If pipes in your walls freeze they can burst.

-keep your taps dripping!! This is to keep water moving and also prevent pipes freezing

-DONT DRIVE DONT GO OUTSIDE. Get food, water, and fill your prescriptions if you gotta ahead of time.

-BRING YOUR PETS INDOORS!!!!!

-Have fun c:

and by trouble I mean lots of submissions.

After being out of commission for over a fucking year i FINALLY have my laptop back!!! Slowly but surely I'm recovering files so I'm excited to start submitting photos, drawings, and writings of mine from over the years. Not really sure what else to say other than I'm really excited and hope you guys like some of what I have to offer too! =^ ^=

Okay. So I don't think I've mentioned this on here but I'm a betta aficionado. I love bettas. I have bowls and tanks all over my room, each one holding one of my special little babies. If you're not someone who already loves fish you'll probably think this is kind of goofy. It's very real though because these precious little creatures are all unique and wonderful.

Today I lost Tybalt, my favorite betta. Tybbie was one of the first betta I ever got, almost exactly a year ago. He was a Dalmatian veiltail from Walmart who caught my eye when I was deciding which ones I could afford to rescue. I fell in love with him right away. His body was the most beautiful and iridescent I'd seen on any fish, white and pink with tones of blue and green. His fins weren't big, they looked like spotted pink flower petals. I loved him so much I spent an inordinate amount of time shuffling funds around between PayPal and my accounts to make sure I could afford to buy him that day. He was like a puppy--always super excitable and full of energy. He loved to eat so damn much. Tybbie went from having a tiny tank just to hold him until I could afford a bigger one to a bigger tank to a bigger bowl because you could tell how much he loved having room to swim around. He made bigger bubble nests than any of my other fish, and far more often. He tended to get himself caught in wacky situations, like the time he got his head stuck in the porthole of his little castle and I had to boop his snout with a spoon until he figured out he was supposed to swim backwards to get out. Or getting himself SOMEHOW stuck under the same little house and becoming progressively more wiggly as the gravity of the situation settled in (I lifted it and he was fine). I have a lot of memories like that of Tybbie. He was a great little guy.

I don't think I have any good photos of him saved and that's honestly making me even more sad. I can't find any pictures of fish that even come close to looking like him and I don't like the thought of never even being able to look at him again. He'd been sticking to the bottom of his tank for a few days so it was probably bloat that got him. I got frozen peas for him today but when I looked in his bowl it was too late. His iridescence is already gone.

Talking about him feels like the right thing to do. I want to draw him but I won't be able to ever make something that looks enough like him. At least he existed and got to be alive and have a life in a nice big bowl with plenty of food and real bug treats and surface leaves to nap on. Hopefully he was happy a lot and enjoyed being alive. Bye bye Tybbie. I wish I could have pet and kissed you but touchies and kissies are bad for fishies.

Henlo freds it's your friendly neighborhood NPC here to let you know things if you're poor and need stuff

1. We're not supposed to tell anyone until this starts but bc I'm a rebel I'm sharing: all Visionworks in the country from 10/29-11/11 will have a Why Are You Doing This To Us We're Going To Die sale where you can get two pairs of glasses with single vision plastic lenses for $49 or two sets of progressives for $89. I guess they needed to pad the transaction numbers for the year bc that's stupid cheap so if you have an active prescription and need to see might wanna jump on that. Upgrading to nonglare is half off too if you do a lot of computer work or night driving!

2. Are you in New England? Do you love coffee? You're in New England of course you do. Until the end of the month Cumberland Farms is giving free coffee all day on Fridays, and if you're a Dunkin Perks members any time the Patriots win you can get a medium hot or iced coffee for 87 cents the next day at Dunkies.

3. I'm not saying I have a surplus of Ritalin I'm just saying I have a surplus of Ritalin.

Well I have a godawful cold and fever, but I got the front tooth I broke at AAC fixed by the dentist and my mental health is pretty balanced out! :> Had to get new tires for the car so money is going to be tight while I pay off that while supporting my family and companions as well, but when isn't it? As an old coworker of mine once said, "It's just money. You can always make more."

I do have a bunch of half finished comic pages laying about that I might finish while I'm home sick anyway. I have a bunch of one-page stories I want to upload featuring new and exciting characters, such as my boss. Hopefully something will be up by tonight but what I know I really need to do if I want to get better is drink lots of tea and rest ^^;

I've been feeling pretty down lately, and by "down" I mean "ugly, fat, lonely, and suicidal". Fortunately I think it can be attributed to my psych doubling my Prozac dosage and I'm seeing him tomorrow, so hopefully he'll take me off of it and put me back on Viibryd (which I took for years with great success but had to stop taking because my insurance won't cover it unless two other antidepressants are proven not to work. Prozac is #2). Anyway I guess I like making journals because it helps me organize my thoughts and feel less alone even if it's the online equivalent of shouting into an empty well.

I'm undertaking Inktober, even if I already missed a day oops. I haven't been feeling artistically motivated at all lately and everything I make comes out looking like shit so I'm taking a very casual approach to Inktober. It's an excuse to draw anything, even if it's not good, so I can live with that. Sometimes it's important to start a piece and finish it even if you don't like how it turns out.

Next weekend I'm going up to Manchester, NH for Another Anime Con. Me and my good dear friend Ryan will be dicking around if anyone else will be going and wants to hang at some point. And go to the artist's alley to check out Jude and his big sib's table! He's responsible for all the actually good art in my gallery and should be loved by everybody.

I'm going to be getting my laptop back from Ryan theoretically, so does anyone have a type of scanner they'd recommend for uploading art? I want to scan all of my stuff up and replace their files so my submissions don't look like they were taken on a camera phone anymore (they look that way because they were).

Other than that I hope you have a lovely evening and your favorite local delivery place is having a Wednesday night special

Osomatsu-San season 2 just premiered and I need everyone reading this to remember that the Arbuckle brothers anime is present and VERY VERY important and needs to be viewed by all of your eyes preferably at once in viewing party format

Im getting an ounce of weed for taking care of my dealer's cat for a month

I'm getting an ounce for petting a cat all day

This is a beautiful life I am living

Since working in an eye doctor's office I've become increasingly aware that everyone I know is both broke and blind : p So as your friendly neighborhood money saving opportunity I'm giving y'all a heads up that if there are any Visionworks in your area the company is having our semi-annual clearance sale. A clearance frame with single vision (i.e. Not bifocal or trifocal) plastic lenses is currently $69.95, so if you need a backup or if you can't see and are on a tight budget that might help you out.

Also, if you are on Medicaid or another form of state insurance, it should cover a basic pair like the ones I just described for free once every two or three years depending on your state! If you exhausted this benefit but your prescription changed, your glasses broke or were lost, etc you can appeal to the insurance company to authorize a new pair - they almost always do.

Finally, if you have no insurance and there are no Visionwanks in your area, I'd be glad to help you out! If you can provide a currently active prescription and your pupillary distance (this is a measurement that any eyeglass shop or optometrists office can do for you in about thirty seconds, and most will for free) we can place an order and I'll ship them our way when they're done. Obviously this is the most roundabout way of doing it since you'd be putting frame selection in my hands, but if you can tell me or show me a picture of what you're looking for I'll make some selections and send you pics so you can chose which you like. And if you et them and hate them, you can mail them back for a full refund ^^

Oh and I guess I can get you contact lenses too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So turns out there's a well respected furry convention right in my area! Anthro New England is held in Boston at the end of February. I live in Coventry RI, about an hour away by car give or take, and about ten minutes from Providence which has a train that goes straight to Boston. If you're looking to attend or take part in the artists alley or dealers room I'm opening the offer to let people stay at my place on a first come first serve basis. I have one obnoxious roommate and two cats, but if you're willing to put up with that, come on over:3

I'm drunk and high at the same time drinking champagne on the air plane WOO (Rambo mercy Lagos)

I like drawing prompts and an excuse to draw, so lemme draw a portrait of you! Comment and get a lil portrait. Feel free to throw in requests, like what sona you want, if you want human you, if you want my total artistic freedom to show you my interpretation of you, etc. Extra love if you want me to draw you a grimsona ;3

Finally it happened. I was feeling down about the lack of memes in my life so I'm making positive choices to change that.

You can find me under linabeest prepare for glimpses into my personal life with some cameos by my fellow cast members.

Okay so I've been in an artistic rut for a few weeks since I've been too busy worrying about finances, being a disappointment, and contemplating suicide every five minutes SO I'm ready to get back in the swing of things and start feeling better again! To give me something to do to motivate me to do more art I'm opening up three free request slots. My only stipulations are nothing too elaborate please, and since my laptop is in the electronics hospital I'm only doing traditional.

Slot 1: open
Slot 2: open
Slot 3: open

Btw I managed to accidentally buy a vape so ask me about that embarrassing story