I’ve been on this thing for like a week and already my mustache is growing new hairs- this thing is absolutely crack I love it so much. For any other trans men who can grow a beard but not a stache- highly highly recommend. Just be safe with it cuz it’s super lethal to pets especially cats.

Also this is likely an insane tr@nny thing but like- I really like the burn of it when I put it on. Idk makes me feel manly lol- maybe I’m allergic to alcohol tho…

https://youtu.be/h0CBUWA1p8U?si=unaa12-kmMhHs_IV

Here y’all go. As much as I love the movie it sure does have problems (one of them being it basically becomes copaganda). I think it’s the one movie tho that I will excuse for having a dance party ending cuz damn those tigers

I’ve been doing a lot of growing this past year. For those who don’t already know, I checked into an outpatient for my mental health this year. If all goes as planned I hope to graduate by the new years, and seeing as how it’s year of the dragon it feels significant in some ways because that’s the luckiest year. It’s interesting too that it’s a wood dragon, because wood represents self reliance (among other things), and that’s a skill I’ve been working hard on gaining for myself.

I’ve done a lot of research on loneliness because it’s something that’s plagued my existence, growing up trans, autistic and with an emotionally neglectful mother. It’s hard because you can be surrounded by friends and love but can still feel alone, like a black hole obliterating every bit of happiness sent to you, however the best way to break that curse is to be vulnerable and say what you mean and how you feel. I don’t have the largest following so I’m not sure how many people will read this, but if I can help somebody else feel a little less alone, the it’s worth it.

For so long I played deeply into the victim mentality that often develops from people who grew up with turbulent childhoods. I’ve always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic, with friendships and romances. In middle school I would sit alone and wait for somebody to approach me. It never happened, and I’m still trying to get over the idea that if I found a boyfriend then I’d end up okay. But that’s not true, and the lack of a relationship is a part of why I feel lonely but it’s not the reason. The main one being I was raised to swallow my emotions.

Growing up my mom would yell at me or threaten to send me away when I cried or got mad, so I got very good at hiding any emotions. Even writing this I have the urge to cry but I physically cannot because I’m so used to hiding it. I highly encourage the next time somebody asks if you’re okay, answer honestly if you aren’t. It feels like everybody is bad and hates you, but I promise not everybody is bad. You can’t know that for certain unless they tell you, and if they do they aren’t worth your time.

A big part of feeling less lonely is reframing how you think and learning some self soothing tactics. Is it just me and my dogs at home while I write this? Yes. Would I love it if I had somebody by my side? Of course. But If I ignore the positives of being alone then I’m going to end up spiraling and hating myself. I’m alone but that means I can do whatever I want and I don’t need to feel obligated to do anything for anybody. There’s a freedom to just being able to enjoy doing things that make you happy without an pressure interrupting it. As for self soothing, I have a fluffy pillow that I snuggle up to and an old wolf plushy I sprayed with a vanilla scent I like, I get comfy in bed with my softest blankets and watch some comfort food entertainment. This whole paragraph is honestly kinda embarrassing and hard to write but that’s the point. One of my professors studied under the author of Fight Club and she taught us a trick to writing he taught her. If you write about a character fucking up or having something bad happen to them, people like them more because they relate, it shows you’re imperfect like them. My point isn’t to make you like me more but to show that being open is good.

If you read through this then honestly thank you, and I wish you so much luck on getting better because loneliness is a kind of epidemic at this point, a good chunk of us feel this way because of so many reasons the surgeon general wrote a whole book on it. Just remember loneliness isn’t a permanent thing, I promise there are people out there who love you, you just may not have found them yet. To quote Carol at the End of the world which I highly recommend “Sometimes things need a little time to be lost before they can be found.” Something I’ve learnt at my outpatient is your brain is lying to you. You just don’t realize how important you are to other people because they’re too scared to tell you. So tell them first, who knows it may inspire them. A close friend took me off guard the other week and told me how much he appreciated my vulnerability in how I was actually feeling, because it set the tone for the group. It made it easier for other people to be honest. I would also highly recommend consuming pretty much anything by Brené Brown. The way she writes is entertaining and so helpful. And remember progress isn’t linear 💚

I know I’ve had movements where as an artist I have stared at a blank page for at least an hour, so here’s a quick guide for anybody and future me on getting inspiration. (Sorry if my English isn’t good here btw, it’s my first language I’m just tired lol)

1. Stop overthinking it-
I find when I don’t know what to draw, that’s not true, I have plenty of ideas but I’m just being overly critical of them. It can help to just jot these ideas down, who knows it may be better than you thought!

2. Look at old sketchbooks-
Oh I do this often, it’s part of the joy of saving old sketchbooks, even if the drawings aren’t great, maybe there’s a few good ideas in there that you can repurpose

3. Redraw some old art-
This never fails to pick me up, it’s also always nice to go back into a comfort zone, after all you should only compete with yourself at your best (totally not quoting Red Vox here)

4. Get inspired-
Go look at other peoples art, especially if it’s nothing like you would draw usually. Go look at some old medieval paintings and think what they would look like if you interpreted them. Go draw the last supper with furries/joke

Keep in mind that if you are still struggling with ideas then the best thing to do is take a break. Making art is like breathing out. You can’t survive if you don’t breathe in and go appreciate art and find what inspires you.
Good luck!

Kinda need a place to vent, and what better place than to internet strangers. (Plus I like being open about these things, in case somebody else relates)
I recently went to an art gallery with friends and the owner had some paintings upstairs in his office, I asked if we could see them and he said no and proceeded to be slightly catty to me the rest of the time I was there. I felt pretty shitty afterwords (no waterworks tho, yay!). I guess what I asked was considered rude? But being autistic I really struggle being able to tell these sorts of things so I had no idea. I know not everybody will like me, and I’m working on growing thicker skin, it’s just pretty annoying not being able to read social cues as well as a Nero typical person could.

I always feel slightly bad when I see a really cool adopt and my intrusive insect brain thinks “oh! I want that!” Problem is, I know it I were to actually buy the character I would likely not use them as much as I’d like due to having so many characters. For me at least I’d rather focus on better developing a few characters than only be able to spend a few minutes with 50 characters. Oh well, at least I can appreciate these designs and share them so somebody can give them a good home. What are y’all’s thoughts on adopts?

Today I took some kids order and she ordered a Dragon drink with 3 pumps of white mocha! Normally I don’t judge or even care what people order (unless your syrup pumps exceed 8, then I’m more concerned than judging)

If you didn’t know- that’s a coconut fruit juice drink thing with white chocolate sauce. Weep for our youths y’all.

Then again apparently during the Keto craze people were ordering lattes with a bunch of butter in them, and honestly I’ll take a coconut white chocolate fruit drink any day

I feel bad for not having much to post recently so have a short story,

I was swimming today and I found this June bug in the water. I hesitated a bit to save him, because for the uninitiated, June bugs have this fun habit where they rocket directly towards peoples faces.
Its like me trying to take out a bear by throwing a small pebble at its face, annoying but ineffective.
I realized since it's wings were probably soaked, it didn't have the chance to try and take me down with it, so I scooped it up, and gently chucked it onto the pavement.

This beetle was either stupid or needed a good therapist, because this dumbass would crawl back towards the edge of the pool, and fall off again.

When I left, the beetle was crawling away in shame, dripping a trail of water behind it.

Hey, I told you this was a short story. Maybe I should've posted this under stories... but it doesn't feel important enough? Whatever.

Smsnshssj I just got a scam message saying

“My alluring hazel eyes and beautiful smile will welcome you at the door”

Since when did scam calls get so threatening? What’s next,
“Lose weight fast with this new trick, Run! I’m on my way, now.”

I need to vent, but I basically just told me econ teacher he sucks and I hate him, and the sense of catharsis from telling him that? Incredible. So glad I never have to deal with him or his awful class that everybody hated ever again.

(What kind of psycho assigns 6 homework assignments in one day, has you do 2 unit tests in one week, and has you do both a final AND a final project)

Jesus Christ, think of this as a vent, but I log in and this first fucking thing I see is a nazi furry. Aside from nazis being fucking gross, I don’t understand why they exist? Like the furry fandom might be the gayest community on the internet? I just fucking hate that nazis still exist in this world- it’s a yikes from me