Hey, it's basically Halloween. So I hope you have a happy one. Do I need to update you on my goings on? Probably not, relatively unchanged since the last journal.

There are a couple of things though. If you're the sort who likes my streams, I am not doing one Friday as it seems everyone else already has plans for Halloween and I can't compete with that. Plus, this will be the first time in years that I live somewhere with actual trick or treating going on, so I'll be handing out candy.

On a note you're more likely interested in on this journal, I'll be uploading one final commission before the month ends, so I'm not entirely out of the spirit of the season yet. That's a real "When I finally get around to it" thing though.

I dunno, mentally speaking I haven't been in the best places.

Hoo boy, that was a long direct. So, Kirby Air Riders, looks good, yeah? I think so. Here's some loosely organized thoughts.

First, I never played the OG game, so... yeah. Old stuff returning is just new stuff with a catch to me. Looks cool though.

Fans can finally stop begging for Marx, he's in. As are a lot of characters, I might be a Rick main.

Now we got King Dededecepticon. So that's something.

Photo mode, because I guess that's just required in games these days (don't give a hoot)

And a story more full of lore callbacks than.... I dunno, a licensed lore book? I didn't really have a good metaphor here, but I like where that's going.

And hey, customization for the machines AND riders, that's cool.

Amiibo look cool too.

Basically, I'm definitely gonna look into grabbing this.

Well, mostly doing this to get last journal off my page.

I will say this, local comic con is in town this weekend, so I'll be doing that. Yay.

Aside from that, not a whole hell of a lot going on today.

Hello whoever, hey, can I ask you something? If you don't like something, why do you obsess over it to the point of making it your one personality trait? Hmm?

Yep, I've encounters THOSE sort of idiots again, thanks Bluesky, you failed at your own mission, now you're just sort of twitter instead of not twitter. Ugh.

Look, people, seriously, I don't care what you hate about Pokemon these days, you already complained too much about it, you're trying to so hard to hide your undying love of the series that you circled back around to advertisement. Either marry it or shut up already.

And apologies to the friends I have who are excited about the upcoming Pokemon release, but I can't go near it now because the toxic as fuck fandom won't stop hate-vertising it to my face, shoving it down my throat and pretending that's somehow magically not what they want from it. If you're not advertising, maybe rethink your whole method, because that's what I'm getting from it. "Don't see this movie we're adveritising" "Don't play this game we're advertising" "You don't want a good burger from this burger place we're advertising", that's what you sound like.

This entire rant is sponsored by nothing. Nothing, it's what's stopping you from ignoring the things you don't like.

Well, it's October. Insert spooky month GIF here.

Don't get me wrong, I do like the halloween season for all the stuff it brings, you can't deny some of it is a tad cliché though. As a 35 year old single man with no kids, I won't get caught up in the trick or treating or anything. I will probably get some discount candy the next day though.

Okay, look, I don't have anything new to add to my page today. I stream at 8pm eastern time if you wanna chat, I'm just trying to be less... ya know, sad.

If it helps at all, the earlier pic I posted is not the last halloween pic I plan to commission this month. Next one's in progress, and I might even commission another when my next paycheck comes in.

Aside from that, a lot is up in the air, I am just around trying to stay sane in an increasingly crazy world.

Well, it's the final days of September, so I may as well update.

Not gonna lie, mental health is.... bad. I try to put on a good face, try to think happy thoughts, but these days it feels more and more like I have to try to deny reality.

The job situation is weird at the best of times, and bleak at the worst. I got an interview, but experience tells me that means literally nothing.

Sadly, that's really all the news I got, sorry to end on a negative note, but I got literally nothing else.

My life outside of the internet is just those 2 things, depression and job hunting. And people wonder why we spend so much time online.

Alright friends, or whoever ends up reading these. I gotta talk about something I can't keep bottled up anymore.

I seem to be losing my job later this week. So, a bit of background, I work a family business. Good news, easy to get into a family business. Bad news, the main reason I'm in is retiring this week and I may not be able to keep the job I currently have because of that. It's my mom, she's moving out to an easier home. Good for her. Of course I gotta help move furniture, but that's the norm. Anywho, my uncle runs the whole business at the moment, but he's looking to sell it in the future, not in a cynical cash grabby way, but in a "The business is kind faltering after 60 years or so of running and all the top brass aged out already anyway" sort of way. So uhh, yeah. Bad news again, job market is kind of.... non-existant. Like, I'd be more likely to believe a unicorn is on my front lawn playing guitar for a sudden David Bowie concert than believe any given company or store is hiring. So current employment prospects look grim at best.

So the next part, a small bit of good news in the middle of all this negativity. I may be able to keep some level of employment for a little while after this week through a little project. How long it will last? Can't say. It's just some boring organization stuff, but it's something. After that though.... that's where problems begin. I mean, not exactly super big right there, I got a savings of sorts, I live with my bro who has a good job (and has said he'd gladly put in a good for me there), but even then I can't entirely rely on that forever. I gotta get SOMETHING, even if not for the money, at least for the psychology. Oh yeah sure, we'd all love to just be home playing video games and looking at furry porn all day, but being stuck in one place with not a whole lot going on for extended periods of time, that fucks you up man.

So anyway, where do I go from here? Like, let's say this project ends before I get a new job, then what? Do I double down on streaming? Perhaps? I dunno. I actually feel like I'm making a modicum of progress right now. Got a few good streams in, occassional chat with some good buds. Things seem... decent. Not big, and certainly not stable, absolutely not ready to be anything more than a silly hobby, let alone a side-hustle. So do I keep looking for work? Kind of have to, even if it's constantly revealed that ghost jobs are a majority of openings these days. Sure, I say that and immediately get sad, but what else can I do? Try something new and radical that could change everything? Like what? No seriously, I'm open to suggestions, I kind of don't know where to go from here.

Well, Nintendo direct happened. I got thoughts.

Mario got some neat stuff for his 40th. New movie, new tennis, Galaxy games coming back, Wonder getting updated, and a game clearly made as a challenge to developers to see just how cute they can make Yoshi.

Tomodachi Life is getting a second chance still, might try that.

Also, is anyone tired of the term "Roguelike" yet? I have yet to see a proper definition for it yet. So far all it seems to mean is "Skill doesn't matter because you'll die in the same place 12 times to some bullshit you can't counter without the right item". It's like, why bother?

Hyrule Warriors looks neat, seems they're trying something new for Warriors games. Could be fun. I dunno, I frankly kind of want a Hyrule Warriors game closer to the first one where it just does a crossover across multiple zelda styles and not just isolates it to 1 game.

Wait... Virtual Boy? Well, that Wario Land game looks neat, but WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED A DEDICATED ACCESSORY THAT RECREATES THE WORST ASPECT OF IT?!?!?!?!? Can't I just play on a screen?

Ooo, Donkey Kong Bananza DLC. I gotta get back to beating that game. New design for DK Island looks neat.

Oh hey, a Pokemon game that realizes the horrors predicted by Dorkly some years ago. But somehow more so. Be glad this is just a wholesome crafting game, this premise could easily be turned into horror.

Oh yeah, new Pokemon legends, neat. FINALLY, Raichu gets the love it deserves.

Resident Evil stuff, that's pretty neat.

And that's everything worth thinking about. So yeah, Direct.

Hello whoever, I have been informed that my friend who was hacked has... well, figured out how to handle it, I suppose.

So, I need to basically figure out a way to fill space now that last journal's bit is resolved.

Hmmm... this feels oddly timed. I dunno, something's off.

Ehh, filler it is then, I suppose.

Uhh, hey anyone...

I need help on behalf of a friend. How do I help someone regain access to their discord when they've been hacked?

I think one of mine has been hacked. I don't wanna reveal too much info in case something goes wrong, but.... look, my discord on this page, my notes are open, I would prefer to be PM'd on this subject.


Help.

After assurance from an expert, I was willing to go live last night. Good news, only crash was from the game this time. All other programs worked swimmingly.

Alas, Star Wars the Force Unleashed 2's PC port is unfortunately not optimized well and I could not complete it due to crashing just before the last level. Ugh.... I am already aware of fan patches, so I'll probably look into installing those so I can get it working properly next time I attempt to play it.

So uhh.... now what?

Well, I guess now I'm just sort of free floating a bit before anything crazy happens. I already said on my streams countless times I am awaiting a new splitter, the good news there is I SHOULD be getting it tonight. And for those who are interested, I got a good deal on a PS4 copy of the Resident Evil 2 Remake, so that should be happening come October.

Yep, this journal was all about streaming. Ain't that a hoot?

Uhh, okay, hi, so I got a problem.

Around 8pm EST on September 4th, I go live on twitch. Around 90 minutes go by, not much happens, and then suddenly both my monitors flash off, and when signal returns, my game crashes, OBS has an error about an API, VTS and TITS (programs for Vtubing) crash harshly and have no function at that moment, and every program needs to be ended through task manager because even "Stop stream" doesn't work on the now deformed OBS.

I don't know what happened, everything died all at once, but it's enough to take the wind out of my sail for the night.

I uhh.... Anyone wanna put in their 2 cents? because.... the fuck?

Hey whoever, couldn't help but notice it's been close to 2 weeks since my last journal, and boy that one was a downer. The job hunts continue with predictably little progress, the streams continue as long as there's fun to be had, and the general living situation is not terrible overall.

Truth is, I don't got a lot to say. These journals usually only pop up when a rare moment of clarity hits me. And then usually they get followed by a filler piece that acts as a joke to get the downer off my main page. Guess I kind of forgot that part last time.

Hmmmm..... I dunno, I don't got an excuse.

Okay, I need to speak up, because I really suck at keeping in touch with even huge platforms.

First things first, I just want to mention right now, I am not begging for sympathy or money. I just need to vent some frustrations minor speed bumps I am hitting.

I am losing my job soon. Not because of anything I did, but because I will simply be unable to commute. The main reason I even had the job is retiring and I do not have it in me to beg them to stick around a little longer. Now this might not be a super critical problem, I do have some savings, and there are places I can walk to that at least say they're hiring. Then again, not many applications have even been replied to, not even with that condescending "We're looking at other candidates, sorry" shit that they absolutely have some algorithm send out. Also, even at the most frugal possible, the savings is far from a perfect solution.

So what's the plan? Somehow lean even further into monetizing my streams? Not likely, even with the viewers I have I ain't exactly growing quickly. I came into streaming with no plans for anything other than saying "hey, check this game out, it's neat." I know other streamers tend to have youtube channels that draw in viewers to supplement that stuff, but I'm not really sure I can do that. Fuck, I've seen the horrible shit people have done to grow their youtube, and it honestly feels like a PSA against trying to have a youtube channel. Seriously, kind of have to pity the person that goes out of their way to stay relevant on youtube.

As for the continuing job hunt, the term "career" gets thrown around a lot. Tell me something, why must a man be reduced to a simple snappy buzzword that tells you the specific method he's using to waste away? I'm the kind of person who doesn't really want a career, just a life. I mean, I've seen the sort people who get caught up in "the grind", and I don't want that. I don't to be a guy with no personality who's entire life is measured and judged purely on the monetary value of his possessions that he doesn't even really like. American Psycho and Fight Club warned us about that shit, and look where we are now... in a world run by people who absolutely missed that warning... or worse, they took them as instruction manuals.

I will admit, larger forces are indeed playing a part of this. Forces I can't completely control. Things like the general state of the world. I will also admit I am kind of looking forward to the day it does break and the bombs sweep us away in the glow of glorious release. Until then though.... I am kind of screwed.

Now, I am taking a GIGANTIC chance in keeping comments live. Please, don't be a jerk.

Hey, I mostly just wanted to get the previous journal off my main page.

So uhh, the space is filled.

Morning whoever, I know for a fact that you're not looking for politics at any time of day on any website ever. I understand if you didn't even click to see this intro that understands you clicking away as you see this.

However, if you're the kind of person who does stick around, I need to get this off my chest, we're in divisive, heated, political times where any fascist who wants to dehumanize others instead of admitting they're wrong is willing to make up any baseless accusation and bend over backwards to send a mob after them on the flimsiest accusations (hence why comments disabled.) A little practice that leads directly to Fascism. There are actually others too, and here I plan to hammer some baseline methods of avoiding becoming one of those fatass Arizona crybabies that feels the need to do what I previously said. Alrighty, here's a laymen's guide on how NOT to be a Fascist asshole.

1. Don't use their language:
The Fascist has a very primal mindset when it comes to literally anything. Basically, if they can rally an army against it, they will. You see this in high school, on youtube, and in politics, A 3-way venn diagram that should really only exist in failed societies. Case in point, the Satanic Panic. Back when Dungeons and Dragons was first around, parents were terrified of the concept of their children having fun indoors, but since that doesn't sell pamphlets, they came up with a term to make it sound evil instead, they called it "Satanic". And that's all it took to get a panic started, this is a practice they've used before, and since. Lately they changed the word to "Woke" and "Cringe" and sometimes even "Schizophrenic". They will use these terms whenever they can to convince you that you must burn down whatever today's "Cringe" is, because truth is, they got nothing. They can't actually criticize it, so they use those buzzwords to get you in a fit of rage against it. If you complain about things being "Cringe" or "Woke" or "Schizophrenic", you're already too far gone. Try to fix yourself.

2. Don't drag dead conversations on.
Look, this one isn't as big, but it has to be said. If you get blocked, move the fuck on, don't dog pile, don't keep trying to attack, just let it go. If you get blocked, shrug and move on. That's what I do, last time I got blocked on FA, I didn't say shit about anyone who COULD have blocked me, I just said "Hey, how come I was still watching the user who blocked me?" because that bit of website nonsense didn't make sense. All I mean to say is, don't end up being the subject of this image https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_fulls.....2iiky5ara@jpeg

3. Seriously, assumptions are very bad and should be shamed.
Hey, did you ever see a youtube video that BLATANTLY LIED TO YOU? The correct answer is yes. Shame that shit. Publically. There's a non-zero chance some video you actually enjoy is based entirely on lies and slander. This is the bread and butter of all of Fascism, they want you to assume that everything you consume is 100% legit, they DON'T want you asking questions, they will lie, bend truths, fabricate evidence, and conveniently forget they're not qualified to speak on a subject to get you riled up in a frothing rage and demanding death camps. Speaking of death camps.

4. Reject the political spectrum/compass/party system.
Hey, did you know there was a time in America when we were against political parties? It was literally just under George Washington and we've been worse off since. And before you say anything, it wasn't parties that ended slavery, it was a goddamn fucking war. It took the formation of an evil empire to act as the villain of the story to get people to say "Slavery is bad". Sounds like a tangent, yeah? Nope, because a lot of modern Republicans, while shilling, lying, and praising the evil empire that was formed then, will pretend they personally did it simply because Abe Lincoln had the same party name. They conveniently ignore the southern strategy and decades of propaganda since. Oh, you don't think that's enough to explain the problems with partisan nonsense? Then tell me, have you ever noticed how a lot of self proclaimed Leftists are preaching the same shit Tucker Carlson did on Fox News? Or how a lot of self proclaimed Leftists have yet to rally against right wing politicians on local levels? Seriously, if those same self proclaimed leftists had the same vitriol for the literal villains that took over the world that they do for anyone who can even attempt to go against said villains, we might not be in this shit. Why are leftists speaking conservative anyway? Maybe it's because that's an ISM. See, in political terms, an ism is a hivemind of elitist evil that one surrenders all their free will to in favor of "hurting the others" or whatever that elitist party says. This is a mere symptom of the political spectrum, which itself was also devised by the elite to keep you fighting amongst yourselves while they get away with everything. So while the left cannibalizes itself for no reason, the elite gets to be openly Nazi about everything and ban porn. And yeah, that especially expands to the political compass which has the severe error of believing Libertarians (the most elitist elites to ever demand the return of slavery) are somehow the opposite of Authoritarians (Libertarians in Government roles).

5. Know your medium
Hey, you ever make a comment on youtube only to have usernamebunchanumbers guy write a 5 paragraph essay in reply to your comment of "It's funny because it's true"? Yeah, don't do that. Save it for your blogpost, journal, or hour long youtube video on a subject that should take 2 minutes tops. Seriously, the last thing we need is another Ben Shapiro. If you have a lot to say, write it somewhere that encourages having a lot to say. Not in comment sections. You're not a political pundit, you're a person pretending to be an animal online. Hell, the literal only reason I bother with this journal, is because it's the journal section, where long winded comments are the norm.

So uhh.... yeah, disabled comments just in case someone COMPLETELY MISSES THE POINT of this journal.

EDIT: BTW, don't but into conversations just to spread misinformation about another person just because you were told not to like them. This isn't kindergarten.

Hey, sorry, this legally counts as a political journal. If you could at least read the next few lines though, that'd be nice.
To put it bluntly, Utah Senator Mike Lee wants to ban pornography and is trying to cast as wide a net as possible to do so.
https://gizmodo.com/gop-senator-int.....ook-2000600994

Call your senator and congressman, get loud and angry, this bill would essentially ban 90% of the internet as a concept and absolutely would be used to crackdown just about anything the Church goers don't like. Remember Collective Shout? That's the kind of Evangelical bullshit we're talking about here.

And I'm sure someone out there is saying like "Oh, it won't effect me", to which I say "Not only is that not a good enough excuse, but you're just lower on their list." Trust me, these sort of politicians have a nice long list of people they want gotten rid of, and they'll find a way to equate you to several dozen entries on that list.

I've been trying to dial back on politics because somehow even having the perfect enemy to unify against somehow is not enough to get a unified front against this shit, but this particular bit of bullshit needs to be heard by as many as possible.

Yeah, hasn't been super long, but I felt it was probably a good time to journal again.

Hell, I dunno, I got Mario Kart World and plan a game night on twitch tomorrow, you wanna join? I can make a special group chat discord.

I couldn't handle it, the Bananza hype got to me.

So yeah, got a Switch 2, and I suppose I'll be working on transfering my old Switch data over to it.

Speaking of which, Nintendo Direct happened today. Honestly, not much really noteworthy today. New Katamari looks neat, the time travel sci-fi horror thing could be cool.

I dunno, hard for me to get hyped for new games these days, maybe it's depression, maybe I'm just old, maybe it's just that my tastes are so specific that the stuff they showed wasn't really doing much for me. I dunno.

For now, just know that commissions I post will either be from a backlog or lessened.

Hey, did you hear what youtube is proudly presenting this time? Here's the post.

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgkxSV.....n1XTlUhitJOXFu

And if you don't wanna click that link, it reads as follows:

"Hi Creators!

Starting August 13, 2025, we’ll begin rolling out an age estimation model to determine if a US-based user is under the age of 18. This will happen regardless of the birthdate a user entered when creating their account. We’ll then use that to extend age-appropriate product experiences and protections to more teens (like enabling digital wellbeing tools and only showing non-personalized ads).

These protections for teens are not new – we now have enhanced technology to more accurately determine whether or not a user is under 18 and are now able to extend these protections to more teenagers. We’ve used this approach in other markets for some time, where it is working well and we are now gradually rolling it out to the US.

The age estimation model uses a variety of signals such as YouTube activity and longevity of the account. If we determine a user is under 18, they'll be notified. As always, they’ll have the option to verify their age (through government ID, selfie, or a credit card) if they believe our age estimation model is incorrect.

For creators, based on our age estimation model we’ll apply some additional protections including:

- Setting uploads as private by default for anyone
- Restricting the ability to earn from gifts on vertical live streams

Some creators may experience a shift in their audience categorized as teens (under 18). This may result in a decrease in ad revenue since we only serve non-personalized ads to those viewers. We estimate this will have limited impact for most creators. We’re committed to supporting creators and as always, we're investing in new solutions to help give creators more ways to grow their community and make money on YouTube.

Note: Audience reports in YouTube Analytics are currently based on the age provided by the user. We are working to update this soon."

In otherwords, no matter how old you look, act, or are, they reserve the right to assume you're some 8 year old who got a hold of mom's camera and restrict everything you can do. And of course, when they're wrong, they expect you to give them personal info and face data that will no doubt be stored and used to train some ChatGPT knockoff against your will, but is one bad hack away from being stolen and sold to every major corporation ever.

So uhh.... have ya heard about peertube?

Hey whoever, first things first, I still stream on twitch at https://www.twitch.tv/lizardguy3 and here's the new schedule for a while:

Tuesday and Wednesday 8:00pm EST: Metroid: Zero Mission

Thursday and Friday 8:00pm EST: Brutal Legend

Sunday 8:00pm EST: Game Night with Friends

Now for something else we need to discuss. I have no clue what's gonna happen to my FA right now. I've been hearing good things, bad things, and things I don't understand about the site's future. However, I've been here mostly because a lot of friends I made are here, and because a lot of artists I commission are here. I am happy this place has banned AI images, and I appreciate that the block feature keeps bad actors from interacting with me, but some moderation decisions haven't sat well with me.

That said, I'm also throwing the fetish art I have here because more public places such as social media sites are populated by family members who either don't know about this porn stash, or aren't into it. I am not ready to go out this place on Bluesky and such.

I dunno, maybe I'm just too self conscious and I should trust everyone to stay in their lane and mind their own business, but I already have learned I absolutely cannot trust people to do that. Like, seriously, why did we normalize callout culture? It's literally just the worst parts of the Satanic Panic expanded into a broader audience, and even if it doesn't go on religious shit, I still see the parallels. It's just a bunch of old curmudgeons shrieking lies at you about things they hate so they can convince you to buy their bible and hate the same things they hate. Nothing more, nothing less.

The literal only time that should be acceptable is when major politicians are doing things that clearly corrupt/illegal/evil. At that point, it's news, not callouts. Gonna just go ahead and disable comments, just in case.

Hello hello whoever may be interested. So today is a new day and tonight is my return to Vtubing.

Simply put, I changed my schedule immensely. Nowadays it's gonna be more this:

Tuesday and Wednesday 8:00pm EST: Game A (Currently TBD)

Thursday and Friday 8:00pm EST: Game B (Also currently TBD)

Sunday 8:00pm EST: Game Night with Friends

As of this journal, no clue what I am returning to stream with. It might just be a few filler nights with retro games, more arcadey games, and maybe some demos. Ya know, stuff that doesn't require my full attention or yours. The kind of thing we can jump in, poke around a bit, then jump out.

After this week though, it's gonna be 2 games a week with Sunday continuing a silly game night with friends. If you're still unsure where I stream, it's https://www.twitch.tv/lizardguy3 as I keep trying to make happen.

Furthermore, as finances stabilize, the possibility of new raffles is returning. We shall see. For now, just gonna hang out and hope for the best. Job hunting of course continues to be the bane of my existence, but aside from that I'm doing okay with my current job.

Hello whoever, after finally clearing my schedule, I need to take some time off from streaming.

This isn't a vacation thing, this is more of a "I'm heavily altering the schedule and may need to ease into it" thing.

For the most part, the entire thing is laid out in my mind. It's essentially just a whole new schedule. Nothing major, not a rebrand or a sudden surge of that one stalker trying to murder me again, just a shake up.

The overall content ain't changing, though I am open to trying new things. Gonna look into collabs more, maybe do more off stream too, possibly a 3rd thing, I dunno.

So yeah, 1 week off, back on Sunday, we'll see where we go from here, ye?

Hell, maybe I should have my schedule posted here at some point? I dunno. Most of the bad actors are already banned from my socials anyway.

So, you want art? Go commission  CWS

They got special sales:
Kaiju sales https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61553909

Swimsuit sales https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61553896/

Even shark sales https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61553917/

They did a lot of art for me in the past, maybe they do one for you in the future?

Boy howdy that last one got real outdated real quick, eh? Oh wait, no, we're still screwed in much the same way. Well, the 4th has long since past, so I should updoot on SOMETHING I suppose....


Oh yeah, I still Vtube, because apparently that's one of the ways I stay sane in this world. Crazy how that works sometimes, eh? Anywho, if you haven't heard, I am changing up some stuff with that. List of changes here if interested:

1. Probably streaming longer each time. Starting at 8 instead of 8:30 pm. I know, minor thing, but it feels like a good idea in the long run. More potential viewers, easier to schedule, all that jazz really.

2. Afternoon streams in the mix. I previously streamed at night because by the time I started, most of the house was winding down and not using as much data. Now I'm in a completely different living situation and have a bit more freedom in how I can use bandwidth. So why not really go all in on it?

3. New model. Managed to finally save enough to get a 2.0 Live2D model that will have more expression options, and even legs. We'll see where it goes after that.

4. Probably other minor things throughout, maybe even try dual streaming again, I dunno.

I dunno, been also feeling a tad unsatisfied with things lately. Job hunt ain't going well, country's getting worse and worse, and I literally can't do anything about it. All I can do is distract myself and hope someone with the ability to do something actually has the sense to do the barest of bare minimum goods.