I called the diocese, my dad’s church, and the Hispanic diocese (apparently that’s a thing? I’m Hispanic but not Catholic, what do I know?) The Hispanic diocese secretary said he brought it in to speak to her about it, and she told him it was okay to be kept in private collection, and if he wanted to donate it, it had to be kept in veneration for 50 days first. I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that he still has it, but he is refusing to answer me about it. Wish me luck, pray for me if you believe in something: this is not about religion, this is about history: family history. That relic is ours by rights and is a piece of family history I will not yield without a fight.

I had just started to actually maintain a decent relationship with my father after my mom and he separated when I was like 1 year old. Then… well, let me give you all some context.

My mom had told me since I was like 4 years old about a relic that had been in my family for like… 300 years or something, ok not sure, suffice it to say, it’s old. It had the bone fragments of several saints inside it. I had never seen even a picture of this thing, but my mom told us about it, and how, when my brother was just 3 days old, my great grandfather had bequeathed it to my older brother, the oldest great grandchild. So, we always knew we’d be getting ahold of it.

I didn’t even know it was within distance of me… I thought it was still in Mexico. Then, he started the proceedings of moving to Spain soon, and as such, he couldn’t take it with him because it had human remains in it, and he told me he was thinking of giving it to the archdiocese in my area. I begged him to just give it to my brother and I. He finally agreed, and he let me see it for the first time in my life, my brother hasn’t seen it since he was 3 days old.

It was the size of a large compass or pocket watch and the bones are all labeled as to which Saint they came from. It was like Indiana Jones treasure.

Yesterday I asked when I could pick it up, as he told me that he wanted to get it blessed before handing it over (whatever) and he revealed that he went behind my back and donated it to the archdiocese anyway.

I’m gutted… not because of the object it’s the betrayal and this… feeling that I’ve lost another piece of my heritage.

When I was a kid, no one would let me put that I was Hispanic on my documents because they said I looked too white. And once again, this guy taken from me…

I’m not “cured” (there isn’t a cure, it’s a process as I’ve learned), but today, I’m going to try and get started on my voice over career for real this time. No more false starts. Wish me luck, my furry friends!

I’ve been writing poems/songs to help me deal with a lot of personal trauma finally worked through. It’s therapeutic to really deal with all this. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive my mother for what she did to me, but it’s okay to love her for who she was, hate her for what she did, and accept that there was a lot of good mixed into the ugliness of my childhood. I’ve also started reconnecting with someone I was worried I’d lost completely, and recognizing some of my faults, and how they’ve affected those around me. I’m not down on myself: I’m just acknowledging things that I’ve done wrong, and my faults, and trying to gain strength from acknowledging them.

I hope you’re all feeling good this weekend. Sending out love to you all.

After dealing with a lot of mental health issues, I’ve been feeling much better. Still not homeostasis, not 100%, not good, but I’m feeling better, at least. I’m going to try to start writing again next week.

Anyone have any ideas for me to put into my D&D adventure?

I haven’t done a new journal in a long, long while… not since my mom died… I recently had an argument with one of my best friends, I won’t say whom so I’m not accused of naming names, but it was to bad, I became suicidal and took about 20 pills… I think I wanted to hurt him more than I wanted to hurt myself, but that doesn’t change what I tried to do to myself. Thankfully, I just got very sick. I’ve been in contact with a therapist since then, but my depression over the situation has been coming in waves… I thought I was over it, but it keeps coming and going… I just need some good vibes. I’ve been really really low over it the last few days and worried I might try something again… not saying I will, it’s just hard… thanks for everyone who cares.

My mom just died suddenly… she only just turned 61 a few days ago and… I was just getting ready to take her to a doctor’s appointment when she collapsed. We did all we could and… not to belabor the point, but she’s gone.

I loved her in spite of all our differences, and my heart has a terrible hole in it now.

It’s my birthday today! Thanks to all my friends who’ve already wished me well, tonight I have meatballs and cake, and I got three great gifts, two tabletop RPG books and a Ghostbusters T-shirt!

Just wanted to give everyone a very heartfelt and spooky Happy Halloween!

Hey everyone, just another weight loss update. I’m down past the 80 pound mark. With any luck, I’ll be back under 300 pounds around Christmas time. I’m excited and happily feeling better every day since beginning this journey.

Well, only 3 months in from my stomach surgery, I’m now up to a 70 pound loss. Still pretty big, but I’m getting close to where I was in college, and I feel so much better. If it weren’t for this blasted summer cold and a hurricane coming, I’d be doing fine. Speaking of which, yeah a hurricane is due in a few hours.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I have to cancel my plans to attend Denfur this year, but I’ve already bought the registration. If anyone would like mine, I’ll sell it to them for the $80, no extra fees or tax. Message me on FA, first come first dibs.

Lost 52 pounds so far! I feel a lot better, I could actually sit on a lawn chair yesterday without being in pain. Amazing.

Well, I had weight loss surgery about two weeks ago for anyone who doesn’t know, and I’ve been doing well in spite of literally not eating anything (been drinking stuff) since May. I came through the surgery just fine but the first two days were miserable, and I still can’t lift much, but I can drive and stuff. Im just easily tired. In a few more days, I get to eat chicken salad and the like for a week until I get back to normal. At last weigh in, I’d already lost 20 pounds, so I’m right on track.

My journal has been depressing for way too long. I have good news and bad news now, so that’ll at least be slightly less depressing. Unfortunately my lover’s cat just died, so that’s terrible, out of respect for their privacy, I won’t link them here, just message me he tree to send any regards.

On the good news is front, my brother has gotten into a relationship with a woman who now has two kids. I’ve since been playing uncle, and although the kids have been a lot of fun, they also have been taking up a lot of my spare time. Hope everyone is doing well.

I recently had a conversation with one of my dearest friends. It didn’t go well. I won’t reveal the identity of the person in question, but needless to say, I haven’t exploded like that in a long time, and I feel awful about it, especially because the person in question then said that if we continued speaking he’d say something he’d regret. I won’t offer any excuses, I won’t say any long winded nonsense about how I was in the right, what I will say is that... I hope I haven’t been too naive in thinking that apologizing can make things right. I told him I was sorry. He said that... I had been so nasty that he wasn’t sure that he could believe that, or... I’m paraphrasing, I’m not exactly sure what was said. The point is that... I don’t want to lose a friend over something this trivial and that, I acknowledge that I was the one most in the wrong. I was nasty. I was horrible. I admit that I’m not always the best person in the world, but looking back, even I am shocked and appalled by some of the things I said and did. I hope that my friend, who is as dear to me as anyone I’ve ever known will have it in his heart to forgive me, and I pray that I can assuage the anguish of this horrible argument and in time, we can put it behind us. More than anything, I just... I want us to go back to normal... I’m sorry, I really am. I never ever wanted to end our friendship, I still just want things back to normal. I won’t ask you to forgive and forget but to accept that... I’m a person and I make mistakes like anyone else. Above all, I ask from everyone who still bothers to follow this page that I’m not a saint. I’m not perfect. I hope I’m time that this will just he water under the bridge, but whether or not we can make amends, I’ll wear this incident as a scar in my heart forever. A reminder of what I can do with my words, and the damage I can inflict by being too proud, arrogant, and selfish. I don’t intend to be a horrible person, but at times, it happens regardless of my desires.

Happy birthday to all January furs like myself! Love to all my friends as well!

I got a miniature paint set for Christmas, and am finally painting all my unpainted Dungeons and Dragons minis! It’s a very relaxing, fun way to spend time, it’s zen, it’s creative, and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. I’m not terribly good at it, but it’s more important to me that I enjoy what I’ve done, and created something I like and feel proud of.

I hope everyone got something they love too! Feel free to share any outstanding gifts, stories, anything!

Also, here’s hoping for a wonderful New Year!

Merry Christmas

Happy Hanukkah

Whatever you celebrate, if you celebrate at all, joy, peace, love, and happiness be yours, whether you are my friends, my loved ones, or perfect strangers. May the infinite mercy of all good things bring you hope and happiness as we look forward with expectation toward a new, and hopefully joyous new year.

And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless us, everyone.

It’s been a tough time since my grandfather’s passing, but I am so very very thankful for everyone who gave me some sympathy and love. You guys gave me a lot of support and proved that I’m not alone with n this world.

My grandfather passed away during the night, and I’m still fairly shaken by it.

I can’t believe this is happening all over again.

It hurts more than anything. I hate this feeling.

I recently read an article online by a supposed “internet journalist.” Apart from the article being self contradictory, poorly thought out, and rather uninspired, there were several glaring grammatical errors. This is written by a college educated individual, one who supposedly graduated, and yet he continued to have incomplete sentences, poorly constructed phraseology, and began sentences with articles. Several times, all he needed to do, was to take out a period and add a comma, creating a compound sentence rather than a grossly incompetent one. I know I must sound like a jerk, but, honestly, if you are getting paid to write, for the love of all things holy, make an effort to construct your thoughts in a more professional manner.

Okay, first off, let me say that I am admitting bias on my part. I loved the original Star Wars trilogy, always will. I am a child of the 80s and 90s and been a fan since before I was born, practically. That being said, I really hated The Last Jedi. I felt it’s treatment of Luke Skywalker, essentially casting him as a coward, derelict of his duties, losing faith, and essentially equating him as a possible child murdered was awful, and was done as a way of essentially propping up Rey, their new Mary-Sue superwoman. I am officially boycotting any new Star Wars the same way I boycotted any new Ghostbusters. If they want my money, they need to try harder at making Rey interesting, not sacrificing our old heroes to try and prop up their bland, vanilla new ones.