I am moving accounts, I will find those of you I actually care to. Or remember.

Holy shite it's been a while since I signed onto here. I can't say that I left on a good impression with people and I won't say that I blame anyone for writing me off, looking back at some of my posts and actions I realize how horrible I was. I said some pretty terrible things and posted constantly about how horrible my life was.

I'd give anything to have those simple days back but I guess that without those lessons I wouldn't be the person I am now. Heh.

Well, enough of that sappy crap and onward to more art! I've gotten a tad better but not with arms or hands. But I am trying hard on my work and I can only go up from here. Here's a bit of advice:

No matter how 'bad' your art looks to you, keep going. Keep trying and don't beat yourself up.

For the last few months I have been really, really suffering from y depression. My poor apartment suffered for it, I just got around to cleaning it again. My weight has dropped from 184 to 154 due to lack of eating, and I have slept far more than I should have while not at work, out with friends, etc. I made up every single excuse not to go out. I put a distance between people and myself.

Well, I finally snapped out of it. For the first time in a while I have been able to really smile, and I've realized something; life is full of hard obstacles. Depression is a horrible thing to suffer from ad it is really, really hard to pull yourself out of it. It makes you feel so low and alone; at least that's how it made me feel. But I realized that the word around me was bustling with kind, loving people who are willing to listen when you need it. Halloween I lost my phone, and I was in a full panic because I thought that I would never find it ever again. I didn't care about the numbers or not being able to call people, what I cared the most about was the important information that I had on it and a picture I had. It was very last picture I had of my grandmother. I'd practically given up finding it. Strangers reached out and helped me to find it again, it really helped me to realize that I wasn't alone.

I never want to feel like that again, ever. But I got around to thinking; what about everyone else feeling the same way I feel? I can't imagine it. Maybe that makes me sound arrogant or something, but I hate the thought of another being suffering like that. So, I wanted to make a post to tell you how much you matter. While you might feel like hell, alone and really hurting, know that what you do, who you are, matters. You are a beautiful soul, and have great potential. Whatever mistakes, they help build you into a better person. If I had a penny for every single mistake I have made in my life, I'd be a rich man. I'd not take any of it back, because I'm not a bad person. You are not a bad person; people make mistakes in their lives and that is how life is meant to be. You make a mistake and you learn from it, keep moving and don't give up.

Don't stop being you, and don't let that voice tell you that you aren't deserving of happiness, because you are.

I know this seems like a wishy washy post, and it is. I'll freely take the beatings for the feelings, but I decided that I wanted to turn my hardship into a good thing; I don't want people to not hear that they matter, because they do. You do.

There is only one you in this world. Only one; people share qualities like eyes, hair, skin, physical things. But they will never match you. And because of this, it makes you unique to the world, giving you the chance to work wonders. You matter more than you know and give yourself credit for. For if it is one thing that you always need remembered is that you are smart, compassionate and a beautiful soul; don't give that up, and don't forget it. You can make a difference in someone's life, by just talking to someone, you have made an impact on someone else. And that means something big.