FA+
Shop
damn tablet!
General | Posted 12 years agomy wacom tablet is still acting up and i have such a hard time doing anything digital that i am stuck doing traditional art for the time being. i hope to replace my tablet soon... but i dont know when that will actually happen. my bunny seems to think it is doable soon, but i think she knows something i dont... she takes care of the money after all. still i dont know when. i am stuck.
on another note i am making a mini-story based around the funeral my daughter and her mother should have had with us (by us i mean her lovers). i miss them all so much..
__________
i am about to rant about something that i have been thinking about for a long time, but only am facing now..
___________
not just her and her mom, i miss Nicci...
Nicci if you are out there still i want you to know i will always hold love for you and that i dont blame you. if it so happens that i never see you again, may you have a wonderful, love-filled, life. i hope you found your happy place and i hope you remember me as well as i am starting to remember you.
i love you Nicci. Just like melanie, you will always be one of my girls.
___________
as i
lay me down to
sleep
this i pray
that you will hold me
dear...
though i am
far away
~Sophie B. Hawkings
____________
R.I.P. baby
R.I.P. Melanie ( i hope i spelled your spirit name right.. if not i am sorry, wherever you are)
_____________
end tear filled rant
on another note i am making a mini-story based around the funeral my daughter and her mother should have had with us (by us i mean her lovers). i miss them all so much..
__________
i am about to rant about something that i have been thinking about for a long time, but only am facing now..
___________
not just her and her mom, i miss Nicci...
Nicci if you are out there still i want you to know i will always hold love for you and that i dont blame you. if it so happens that i never see you again, may you have a wonderful, love-filled, life. i hope you found your happy place and i hope you remember me as well as i am starting to remember you.
i love you Nicci. Just like melanie, you will always be one of my girls.
___________
as i
lay me down to
sleep
this i pray
that you will hold me
dear...
though i am
far away
~Sophie B. Hawkings
____________
R.I.P. baby
R.I.P. Melanie ( i hope i spelled your spirit name right.. if not i am sorry, wherever you are)
_____________
end tear filled rant
comp!
General | Posted 12 years agoi am getting my comp back i think tomorrow and i will get to color again! amongst other things that is.. lol i get to write and color and draw and game and research, and watch movies and everything! i cant wait to see it all shiny and awesome! if it works it was totally worth it... and i am sure it will be working now XD
emmy i will be writing again soon if you are still up to it. i know it has been a while but i would love to start up with talking again... i missed it so much
emmy i will be writing again soon if you are still up to it. i know it has been a while but i would love to start up with talking again... i missed it so much
no comp but traditional art...
General | Posted 13 years agoit turns out that my comp had extensive internal damage due to a bad virus that spread pretty rapidly. we took it to someone new that has been in the family for 10 years now, and he identified and is fixing it for a very cheap price. i am also getting an antivirus that is great and i intend on going to him whenever i need something again. i have said it before and i will say it again, fuck cyberpowerpc.com. they are uncaring, stupid and usually do more damage than anything else. i had my comp with them for almost a month and they didnt fix what the place i am going to now identified within a day. i even had to wait 2 hours in front of cyberpowerpc's home office because when i got there to pick it up, it still wasnt fixed.
anyway i have been doing a lot of traditional art instead. i am admitting it now, i love doing traditional art again. i missed it more than i thought i did.
when my comp is back i will color and get back to my work.. until then i am on my laptop that is older than i would like and doesnt have the ability to do much. hell it cant even hold a charge for more than a few minutes without being plugged in so i need to repair it too. for now it will have to do.
it could be worse. my comp will be fixed and i will be able to get back to normal life soon
anyway i have been doing a lot of traditional art instead. i am admitting it now, i love doing traditional art again. i missed it more than i thought i did.
when my comp is back i will color and get back to my work.. until then i am on my laptop that is older than i would like and doesnt have the ability to do much. hell it cant even hold a charge for more than a few minutes without being plugged in so i need to repair it too. for now it will have to do.
it could be worse. my comp will be fixed and i will be able to get back to normal life soon
they were wrong
General | Posted 13 years agoplease watch...
http://www.upworthy.com/bullies-cal.....cooked-it-into
for all that this touched, i understand.. and they really were wrong.
please spread this as much as you can.
http://www.upworthy.com/bullies-cal.....cooked-it-into
for all that this touched, i understand.. and they really were wrong.
please spread this as much as you can.
cyberpower pc can kiss my ass
General | Posted 13 years agoi brought my comp in for repairs that were their fault, and in doing so i made my mother take a day off from work which no one was happy about, and was told that it would be sent back to me for free. that is what they did last time and i was never told otherwise. now i am told it is ready for pickup or delivery, but i cant pick it up at all and have to pay $75 for delivery. i was never told this bullshit. it didnt happen last time, when it was their fault too, and now i am stuck with a crappy laptop that barely works for a few months because i cant drive there to get it. their warehouse closes at 4 so i have no one to get away from work to get me there... if i can earn the money i could have it sent to me and if there isnt anything wrong again with it upon arrival, which is doubtful, could use it until it fails again and have to pay again for a service i paid for already (the warranty which i payed good money for).
figure this with me, i pay them to make is so i dont have to fix my comp for a problem that they created, but then have to pay them. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING WARRANTY FOR TO BEGIN WITH!? then the person that i talk to gets an attitude with me! if i want my warranty, which is so i dont have to pay them for visits, to remain i have to pay them for each visit.
everyone that reads this do NOT use or go to cyberpowerpc.com and buy anything. it WILL fail and it will be coming out of your pocket despite a warranty.
they are liars, they are fakes, and their hours are horrible. they are not worth the prices. if i could i would buy a new comp from someone else and sell this one, just to get the fuck away from them. now i am stuck.
ok im serious... help the zoezoe
General | Posted 13 years agoone of my closest friends is in dire trouble and needs anything anyone can do.. bills are piling up and she has no job.. please go here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4216758/ and do something, anything...please
damn tablet cord
General | Posted 13 years agomy tablet cord is dying, but i found out that (with shipping) it is like 15 bucks to replace, so i just ordered a new one and it is on its way... so it could be worse. i hope that that is all it is.
should be here in enough time for my bday.
until then i guess i will do traditional art and wait. might give me a chance to figure out a new furry style that i can call my own..
should be here in enough time for my bday.
until then i guess i will do traditional art and wait. might give me a chance to figure out a new furry style that i can call my own..
a meme that i actually committed to!
General | Posted 13 years agoTaken from
SillySerpentineFell in love?
14
Lost your virginity?
14
Lost someone close to you?
14
Consumed alcohol?
25
Received a kiss?
14
Went to the hospital?
i have been in and out so many times since i was young, that i dont honestly know..
Had a broken heart?
14
Lost a pet?
10
Got arrested?
never have
Broke a bone?
13 (broke my first toe and there has been many breaks since)
Got a job?
25
Got a boyfriend or girlfriend?
14
Went to a concert?
31
Met someone famous?
18 (define famous... well famous to me.... a master monk warrior from the shoulin temple, and the abot himself)
Got in a car wreck?
never have, but i have almost never have driven either
Dyed your hair?
19
Flew on an airplane?
8 years old, to israel. it was the only time i saw my aba
Went to another state?
7 (camping with the family)
Got a tattoo?
25
Had a piercing?
25 ( and another at age 27)
Smoked pot?
cant. i might die if i do smoke it so i never took the chance.
Smoked a cigarette?
13 (i stopped to keep my training going but i smoked for a year, quite heavily)
Went to Disney Land or World?
5 but i hated it at first... i went at 27 for my honeymoon and loved it ever since :3
Had A Long term relationship
14
Dated somebody of another race?
define "dated" put my heart in it.. 15, but it was a mess because it wasnt returned
Passed out from drinking
never have. passed out from other things though
Were dumped
15
best x-mas ever
General | Posted 13 years agoi just experienced the best holidays i could have asked for. i received something that only i could give. i got peace inside. my heart has eased up a little and i actually didnt cry on the anniversary. i was happy and had no reason too.
she came to me. as clear as i see my monitor now. as clear as i see my babybunny every night she formed in my dreams. we spent a long time talking and she made me realize that even though i did die, i didnt stay dead... i should stop acting like i did. she told me that the best of my life is ahead. that it was ok to love them, to love them with all my heart.. they were special to me and that never dies.. but they are not in the physical world anymore and that is ok. it simply means that when i need them they will be there, but in another form.
they made me realize that i have been taking my very life for granted. it is only by magic that we live (say what you want, but just because we know how our bodies work, doesnt mean it is any less magical that we are able to live).. and the only way i will understand that magic is if i just learn to use that magic. to love the magic in me, and in others.
they let me talk to my grandpa and he gave me a message for my grandma which she was so happy to receive. they held me and loved me. they comforted me and let me see just what i have been missing, both inside and out. i was missing sight. the reality of the situation. the fact that i have all i ever hoped for in my bunnyhunny and my new family. i love them and they love me.. what else can i ask for while trying to move on.
when i asked "how do i start?" they said "open your eyes and look around at the magic."
when i did open my eyes i saw my bunny looking back at me. it was magic. she is magic. my 2 angels will always be around but she is such a gift. i am blessed and i will from now on try to remember that.
bunnyhunny i love you.
emmy i love you.
shadow i love you.
amberly i love you.
in fact i cant discriminate.. everyone out there.. even if we dont get along (and in those cases i doubt that will change but) i love you none the less.
even though i will probably never hold you, hug you or kiss you, i love you all, and with all my heart. i love you. and now i am starting to love me. and that is a start i suppose.
to my baby.. to her mom.. to my grandpa who never stopped believing in me..
"there is no one in town i know
you gave us someplace to go
i never said thank you for that
thought i would get one more chance
what would you think of me now?
so lucky so strong so proud
i never said thank you for that
now i will never have a chance
may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
and if you were with me tonight
id sing to you just one more time
song of hearts so big
god wouldnt let it live
may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in."
~ may angels lead you in
jimmy eat world
she came to me. as clear as i see my monitor now. as clear as i see my babybunny every night she formed in my dreams. we spent a long time talking and she made me realize that even though i did die, i didnt stay dead... i should stop acting like i did. she told me that the best of my life is ahead. that it was ok to love them, to love them with all my heart.. they were special to me and that never dies.. but they are not in the physical world anymore and that is ok. it simply means that when i need them they will be there, but in another form.
they made me realize that i have been taking my very life for granted. it is only by magic that we live (say what you want, but just because we know how our bodies work, doesnt mean it is any less magical that we are able to live).. and the only way i will understand that magic is if i just learn to use that magic. to love the magic in me, and in others.
they let me talk to my grandpa and he gave me a message for my grandma which she was so happy to receive. they held me and loved me. they comforted me and let me see just what i have been missing, both inside and out. i was missing sight. the reality of the situation. the fact that i have all i ever hoped for in my bunnyhunny and my new family. i love them and they love me.. what else can i ask for while trying to move on.
when i asked "how do i start?" they said "open your eyes and look around at the magic."
when i did open my eyes i saw my bunny looking back at me. it was magic. she is magic. my 2 angels will always be around but she is such a gift. i am blessed and i will from now on try to remember that.
bunnyhunny i love you.
emmy i love you.
shadow i love you.
amberly i love you.
in fact i cant discriminate.. everyone out there.. even if we dont get along (and in those cases i doubt that will change but) i love you none the less.
even though i will probably never hold you, hug you or kiss you, i love you all, and with all my heart. i love you. and now i am starting to love me. and that is a start i suppose.
to my baby.. to her mom.. to my grandpa who never stopped believing in me..
"there is no one in town i know
you gave us someplace to go
i never said thank you for that
thought i would get one more chance
what would you think of me now?
so lucky so strong so proud
i never said thank you for that
now i will never have a chance
may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
and if you were with me tonight
id sing to you just one more time
song of hearts so big
god wouldnt let it live
may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in."
~ may angels lead you in
jimmy eat world
feelings suck i wish i had none again
General | Posted 13 years agohello
can you hear me
am i getting through to you
hello
is it late there
there's a laughter on the line
are you sure your there alone
cause im tryin to expalin
something's wrong
you just dont sound the same.
why dont you
why dont you
go outside
go outside
kiss the rain
whenever you need me
kiss the rain
whenever im gone too long
if your lips
feel lonely and thirsty
kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
keep in mind
we're under the same sky
and the night
is empty for me
as for you
if you feel
you cant wait till morning
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
hello
do you miss me
i hear you say you do
but not the way im missing you
whats new
how's the weather
is it stormy where you are
you sound so close but it feels like you're
so far
oh would it mean anything
if you knew
what im left imagining
in my mind
in my mind
would you go
would you go
kiss the rain
and you fall over me
make you bleed
make you bleed
make you bleed
only
kiss the rain
whenever you need me
kiss the rain
whenever im gone too long
if your lips
feel lonely and tempted
kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
keep in mind
we're under the same skys
and the night
is empty for me and for you
if you cant wait till morning
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
hello
can you hear me
can you hear me
~tracy chapman
kiss the rain
__
i wish it would rain so i may kiss it.
i want to feel better.. i dont know how
i miss the rain
__
may angels lead you in
if you were with me tonight
id sing to you just one more time
a song of hearts so big
god wouldnt let it live.
may angels lead you in
hear you me
my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
hear you me
my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
~jimmy eat world
may angels lead you in
___
i want them alive.. i dont just want angels.. i want to see them again.. why...
___
we walk the narrow path
beneath the smoking skies
sometime barely tell difference
between darkness
and light
do we have faith
in what we believe
the truest test
is when we cannot
when we can not see.
it wont rain all the time
the skies wont fall forever
and thought the night seems long
your tear wont call
forever.
~Jane Siberry
cant rain all the time
the crow
if the people we love are stolen from us
the best way to have them live on
is to never stop loving them
buildings burn
people die
but real love is forever.
~ sarah
the crow
___
love is the problem... i cant handle the love i still have
i wish i could hold you.. more than anything i wish i could feel your warmth. their smell.. your heart beats. your voice. gods i cant remember what you even looked like anymore, just her eyes.
___
hey lucy i remember you name
left a dozen roses on your grave today
im on the grass
on my knees wipe the leaves away
i just came to talk for a while
got some things i need to say
now that its over
i just want to hold her
id give up the whole world to see
that little piece of heaven looking back at me
now that its over
i just want to hold her
i gotta live with the choices i made
and i cant live with myself today.
hey lucy i remember your birthday
you said it would bring some closure
to say your named
i know id do it all different
if i had the chance
but all i have got are these roses to give
and they cant help me make amense
here we are
now your in my arms
i never wanted anything so bad
here we are
for a brand new start
living the life we could have had
me and lucy
walking hand in hand
me and lucy never wanna end
just another moment in your eyes
ill miss you
see you in another life
in heaven
where we never say goodbye
here we are
now your in my arms
here we are for a brand new start
i gotta live with the choices i made
and i cant live with myself today.
hey lucy i remember your name
~lucy
Skillet
______
i never even knew your name. we used spirit names... i now wish i knew.. but there isnt anyone to tell me. our baby deserved more... you deserved more.. i couldnt give it to you.. damn me...
can you hear me
am i getting through to you
hello
is it late there
there's a laughter on the line
are you sure your there alone
cause im tryin to expalin
something's wrong
you just dont sound the same.
why dont you
why dont you
go outside
go outside
kiss the rain
whenever you need me
kiss the rain
whenever im gone too long
if your lips
feel lonely and thirsty
kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
keep in mind
we're under the same sky
and the night
is empty for me
as for you
if you feel
you cant wait till morning
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
hello
do you miss me
i hear you say you do
but not the way im missing you
whats new
how's the weather
is it stormy where you are
you sound so close but it feels like you're
so far
oh would it mean anything
if you knew
what im left imagining
in my mind
in my mind
would you go
would you go
kiss the rain
and you fall over me
make you bleed
make you bleed
make you bleed
only
kiss the rain
whenever you need me
kiss the rain
whenever im gone too long
if your lips
feel lonely and tempted
kiss the rain
and wait for the dawn
keep in mind
we're under the same skys
and the night
is empty for me and for you
if you cant wait till morning
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
kiss the rain
hello
can you hear me
can you hear me
~tracy chapman
kiss the rain
__
i wish it would rain so i may kiss it.
i want to feel better.. i dont know how
i miss the rain
__
may angels lead you in
if you were with me tonight
id sing to you just one more time
a song of hearts so big
god wouldnt let it live.
may angels lead you in
hear you me
my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
may angels lead you in
hear you me
my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in
~jimmy eat world
may angels lead you in
___
i want them alive.. i dont just want angels.. i want to see them again.. why...
___
we walk the narrow path
beneath the smoking skies
sometime barely tell difference
between darkness
and light
do we have faith
in what we believe
the truest test
is when we cannot
when we can not see.
it wont rain all the time
the skies wont fall forever
and thought the night seems long
your tear wont call
forever.
~Jane Siberry
cant rain all the time
the crow
if the people we love are stolen from us
the best way to have them live on
is to never stop loving them
buildings burn
people die
but real love is forever.
~ sarah
the crow
___
love is the problem... i cant handle the love i still have
i wish i could hold you.. more than anything i wish i could feel your warmth. their smell.. your heart beats. your voice. gods i cant remember what you even looked like anymore, just her eyes.
___
hey lucy i remember you name
left a dozen roses on your grave today
im on the grass
on my knees wipe the leaves away
i just came to talk for a while
got some things i need to say
now that its over
i just want to hold her
id give up the whole world to see
that little piece of heaven looking back at me
now that its over
i just want to hold her
i gotta live with the choices i made
and i cant live with myself today.
hey lucy i remember your birthday
you said it would bring some closure
to say your named
i know id do it all different
if i had the chance
but all i have got are these roses to give
and they cant help me make amense
here we are
now your in my arms
i never wanted anything so bad
here we are
for a brand new start
living the life we could have had
me and lucy
walking hand in hand
me and lucy never wanna end
just another moment in your eyes
ill miss you
see you in another life
in heaven
where we never say goodbye
here we are
now your in my arms
here we are for a brand new start
i gotta live with the choices i made
and i cant live with myself today.
hey lucy i remember your name
~lucy
Skillet
______
i never even knew your name. we used spirit names... i now wish i knew.. but there isnt anyone to tell me. our baby deserved more... you deserved more.. i couldnt give it to you.. damn me...
does this look really dark to anyone?
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/view/9372429/
i was told that this pic is so dark you can barely see anything and i dont know why, it is fine on my comp..
help!
i was told that this pic is so dark you can barely see anything and i dont know why, it is fine on my comp..
help!
Help the Zoezoe!!
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:30002366
she really needs your help. she needs all our help and she doesnt charge almost anything for her work, which is supper cute and sexy by the way, so please check her out. help and protect a fellow artist and a wonderful friend to us all.
she really needs your help. she needs all our help and she doesnt charge almost anything for her work, which is supper cute and sexy by the way, so please check her out. help and protect a fellow artist and a wonderful friend to us all.
sorry
General | Posted 13 years agowell i apologize for not submitting a journal in so long..
i got my comp back but i am questioning one of the things about it. but in all other areas it rocks! i can play to my hearts desire... unfortunately my pen broke so i cant do any artwork on the comp... so i havent been around, except commenting. i cant submit but i have been here... sorry i have been quiet..
my pen costs $70 i have nothing yet, but that should change soon..
i got my comp back but i am questioning one of the things about it. but in all other areas it rocks! i can play to my hearts desire... unfortunately my pen broke so i cant do any artwork on the comp... so i havent been around, except commenting. i cant submit but i have been here... sorry i have been quiet..
my pen costs $70 i have nothing yet, but that should change soon..
Grrrrr...ok
General | Posted 13 years agomy comp had issues and now it is no more than a paperweight. i have been waiting for weeks to get it fixed, and it is under warrentee and that rocks :3 it wont cost a thing, but i could never get someone to help me get it to the manufacturer (which is about 45 min from my house) everyone is just too busy to take me and i dont drive nor do i have a car.... so i have been just waiting. finally my mom says that she can take me this friday.. so i will have it in a week or two at most after i am done delivering. i am having it shipped back to my house after they fix it because i would have to wait for months to go and get it when it is ready. it may cost a little (or a lot) but it would be worth it.
and you know, as gloomy as it makes me not to have my comp right now, it could be a lot worse. I MEAN A LOT WORSE. i have this old laptop to do art on and at least i can check in here online. basics are better than nothing.
it turns out the comp is having issues with it's self contained liquid cooling system and it is making the cpu over heat to the point of paperweightness. nothing is damaged and nothing is wet as a result of the problem, and the liquid system is self contained, so it wasnt anything i had done.. they say sometimes they just have issues..which is why i got the warrentee and it will cost me nothing to fix it as a result, no matter how much i take it to them for years. still they say that this system is very good, so it should just be a fluke unit. it shouldnt happen again.
so as i said it could be WAY worse.
so yah a little gloomy but i am ok.. just missin my comp
and you know, as gloomy as it makes me not to have my comp right now, it could be a lot worse. I MEAN A LOT WORSE. i have this old laptop to do art on and at least i can check in here online. basics are better than nothing.
it turns out the comp is having issues with it's self contained liquid cooling system and it is making the cpu over heat to the point of paperweightness. nothing is damaged and nothing is wet as a result of the problem, and the liquid system is self contained, so it wasnt anything i had done.. they say sometimes they just have issues..which is why i got the warrentee and it will cost me nothing to fix it as a result, no matter how much i take it to them for years. still they say that this system is very good, so it should just be a fluke unit. it shouldnt happen again.
so as i said it could be WAY worse.
so yah a little gloomy but i am ok.. just missin my comp
upcoming stuff-short
General | Posted 13 years agoi am making sets of furry art that i can sell as prints on rabbitvalley.com
i hope to release previews sooner than later, with the help of a special sibling that i miss very much...
i hope you are ok love. miss you!
i hope to release previews sooner than later, with the help of a special sibling that i miss very much...
i hope you are ok love. miss you!
Order Up
General | Posted 13 years agoi ordered a new comp! i hope it turns out well, but ill see on the 16th (or around there anyway) when it is built and i can pick it up. my parents really outdid themselves this time.. they said it was a "thank you for waiting 2 years" gift. they paid part and my bunny and i will pay the other part.... soooo awesome! i just have to wait for 2 3/4 weeks for it to be done.
i am so excited! i just hope i can keep up with art without a powerful comp now.
thank you emmy for helping me get the internal push to do art on this comp! *HUGS* it is not as easy but it can be done, so i dont have to stop creating! LOOOVES YA!
i am so excited! i just hope i can keep up with art without a powerful comp now.
thank you emmy for helping me get the internal push to do art on this comp! *HUGS* it is not as easy but it can be done, so i dont have to stop creating! LOOOVES YA!
HOLY GODDESS!! F&%@ ME!
General | Posted 13 years agoMY COMP IS NOW OFFICIALLY BROKEN. i will need to replace the whole damned thing, maybe i can keep my graphics card maybe not but the rest is going to have to be new or it isnt worth the mnoney... a piece of my mother board came off and so did some pins from the fuckin CPU... i am FUCKED.
well it looks like i wont be making any art that isnt traditional for a long time....it looks like i will be relying on this laptop that is pathetic.. this blows... i really fucked up this time... my bunny isnt going to be happy with me, but i am more upset at myself than anyone else... it was my fault... i did this.. my comp could have at least bought me dinner before all this started. i like to have dinner before i get forcefully FUCKED.
oh well i guess i will just do what i have to do... just be screwed in a bad way for a very long time..... ;_;
well it looks like i wont be making any art that isnt traditional for a long time....it looks like i will be relying on this laptop that is pathetic.. this blows... i really fucked up this time... my bunny isnt going to be happy with me, but i am more upset at myself than anyone else... it was my fault... i did this.. my comp could have at least bought me dinner before all this started. i like to have dinner before i get forcefully FUCKED.
oh well i guess i will just do what i have to do... just be screwed in a bad way for a very long time..... ;_;
my pride, and comp, hurts more than my tooth
General | Posted 13 years agoi got my root canal this morning and amazingly it went through quite well. i didnt feel any pain and i had "good roots" so it went fast. i was in and out in 20 minutes. i took some pain meds when i got home because they told me to take them right when i get home, but honestly, i dont know if i really needed them. i have quite a high pain thresh hold but there is no real telling. we shall see.
now as for the real pain... my comp CPU cooling fan has broken a blade. it sounds like nails on a chalkboard when it is on now, and the fan is worthless now. the CPUs just climbs in heat with no stop. when i last looked at it, the cooler one was 62C and climbing, so i shut off my comp as quick as i could. i dare not touch it now. no fan in the back that works, and now my cpu fan is dead too. this sucks...
i would never have guessed that my comp, hurts more than my tooth. should i be happy or should i be depressed.. dont know...
now as for the real pain... my comp CPU cooling fan has broken a blade. it sounds like nails on a chalkboard when it is on now, and the fan is worthless now. the CPUs just climbs in heat with no stop. when i last looked at it, the cooler one was 62C and climbing, so i shut off my comp as quick as i could. i dare not touch it now. no fan in the back that works, and now my cpu fan is dead too. this sucks...
i would never have guessed that my comp, hurts more than my tooth. should i be happy or should i be depressed.. dont know...
Please read
General | Posted 13 years ago
xchiseaxmargaritax has had something, that is so precious to her, stolen.. i wish i could do more than this but please visit her and help her. any donation would be helpful so she can start to replacing her life and music.. 
Shadowpelt is having a wonderful donation stream soon. his prices are awesome, and his style is wonderful. please visit him and help out the sister that i wish i lived closer to.i know not a lot of people will read this, but i can hope that those who do can help her... it would mean the world to me and her. please just visit her and see what you can do. i will see if i can find extra money and you can be sure that i will give it to her if i have it... all i ask is that you give her a shot. look at the journal. look at the stream and anything you could do would make all of use very very grateful.
i love you sis. i hope you can rebuild fast and i hope that you can replace it fast....but most of all i hope you can find that son-ofa-bitch that took your life away and left you in fear, and punish him.
sorry i was away
General | Posted 13 years agoi got back from a very scary place yesterday.. i dont want to go back but soon i must for just another visit in 10 days. then it will be over until things calm down.
i was hoping to go to califur.... dont know if it is possible anymore. was going to help my brother from another mother move from this house... dont know if i can do that anymore... it was my doing... my mistake. i just hope that things can start to return to normal... and my count can begin again.
i am sorry to all that i was away. i will try to be more present now. the weekend isnt my best time to be here but ill try. and starting next week i will be back i think.
i hope you are all well.
i was hoping to go to califur.... dont know if it is possible anymore. was going to help my brother from another mother move from this house... dont know if i can do that anymore... it was my doing... my mistake. i just hope that things can start to return to normal... and my count can begin again.
i am sorry to all that i was away. i will try to be more present now. the weekend isnt my best time to be here but ill try. and starting next week i will be back i think.
i hope you are all well.
help an emmy and her shadow brother
General | Posted 13 years agothis sucks! http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:26277726
please anyone that can... hire them! they do wonderful and beautiful work for very little money. you will not be disappointed i assure you.
emmy, shadow, this is for you two.
help some of the most beloved people i know. 3 bucks, 5 bucks, they will work with you. rally people rally! show them some love
please anyone that can... hire them! they do wonderful and beautiful work for very little money. you will not be disappointed i assure you.
emmy, shadow, this is for you two.
help some of the most beloved people i know. 3 bucks, 5 bucks, they will work with you. rally people rally! show them some love
shower
General | Posted 13 years agodizzy and confused... i dont know how to deal with everything.. all the normal stuff that all you deal with is soooo stressful to me.. i got sick to my stomach today. i am too stressed out... but why? i dont know... i just dont know. i have nightmares, i have distressing visions during meditation sesseions.. HOW DO YOU ALL DEAL WITH THIS?!
it is like a wave... a shower of emotions that i feel.. that i felt too, long ago.. it is all coming back to me.. all at once and i have such trouble (when my alma isnt around) controlling my own emotions.. i cry for no reason for long periods of time, sometimes hours... i have my old urges again and it scares me so much (but i havent relapsed.. i want to be stronger than that)
i want so much. i want to have a career and i want to go back to school.. i want to own a condo or house with my love and live our lives.. maybe start a family.. go back to the martial arts.. become strong again... i want to be proud of myself again. i want my honor back.
i feel like i am not ready for life, but it is here. i am getting ok with dealing with everyday stress better, though it isnt easy... but now i am having such horrible flashbacks. such horrible visions.. i hate it. i dont hate life, but i hate not being able to sleep properly. i hate feeling too much. i hate not controlling my leaky eyes...sucks
___________________
just so you know, i love you all. i know i dont have many friends but those who read this... i loves ya and i hope you have love in your heart too. lets you know that you are alive it seems... i find it is hard to manage love, but it is more than worth it after the jitters goes away. *hugs you all*
it is like a wave... a shower of emotions that i feel.. that i felt too, long ago.. it is all coming back to me.. all at once and i have such trouble (when my alma isnt around) controlling my own emotions.. i cry for no reason for long periods of time, sometimes hours... i have my old urges again and it scares me so much (but i havent relapsed.. i want to be stronger than that)
i want so much. i want to have a career and i want to go back to school.. i want to own a condo or house with my love and live our lives.. maybe start a family.. go back to the martial arts.. become strong again... i want to be proud of myself again. i want my honor back.
i feel like i am not ready for life, but it is here. i am getting ok with dealing with everyday stress better, though it isnt easy... but now i am having such horrible flashbacks. such horrible visions.. i hate it. i dont hate life, but i hate not being able to sleep properly. i hate feeling too much. i hate not controlling my leaky eyes...sucks
___________________
just so you know, i love you all. i know i dont have many friends but those who read this... i loves ya and i hope you have love in your heart too. lets you know that you are alive it seems... i find it is hard to manage love, but it is more than worth it after the jitters goes away. *hugs you all*
help emmy and shadow!
General | Posted 13 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3353333/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3353324/
please give them a look! their tablet just died and they need a new one, and we all know how awful that is, so please give them a look. the prices couldnt be better!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3353324/
please give them a look! their tablet just died and they need a new one, and we all know how awful that is, so please give them a look. the prices couldnt be better!
ups and downs
General | Posted 13 years agoit turns out that the tooth that needed the root canal just needed a deep filling, so one down and 1 possible root canal to go. with any luck the next one will be just as good. it turns out that the reason that my mouth is degrading and my teeth are having issues has almost nothing to do with my brushing. my mouth is unusually dry and it attracts bacteria because of it. that is destroying my teeth and breath. so we are working on ways to help but have found nothing so far.
my sisters are possibly moving in to my parents house again for a little, or a long, while. this means that the friend of the family that lives with us now. he is like a brother to me and i really am going to miss him. my sisters and i are not close. they find it best to not talk while i am in the room and i dont even know if the two that are moving in have boyfriends. they keep everything from me that a normal family member should know. we are not incredibly close. so it will be a challenge. but i am going to not worry about it. i will keep to myself as i used to do and i will always have my bunny/ wife so i will be fine. they are nice to me when we do talk so at least it wont be that uncomfortable, and i am sure we can work on our relationships if they live here again.
also my bunny and i are finally thinking about getting our own place. it will take time and proper planning but it may be time to take the next step in our lives. our own place will be tough and i may not even have internet access at first, but it is exciting. we will find our feet i am sure. my mom in law is going to help us by taking a loan on the house (possibly) to help us get a down payment. we are looking around and we have found a fair amount of places outside our current location. it will be a challenge but it is our lives and our life together and it will happen eventually. hopefully by the end of the year we will have a place of our own and i will be back in school and have a job to help out.
so much happening and i hope that i can cope. i am doing ok i think. i am seeing my psych/therapist soon to get my story out.. my real story. no one but my bunny knows the updates that i know now.. thanks to my PTSD and DID i am still remembering the things that really happened... it is hard but nice to finally tell my story.
my sisters are possibly moving in to my parents house again for a little, or a long, while. this means that the friend of the family that lives with us now. he is like a brother to me and i really am going to miss him. my sisters and i are not close. they find it best to not talk while i am in the room and i dont even know if the two that are moving in have boyfriends. they keep everything from me that a normal family member should know. we are not incredibly close. so it will be a challenge. but i am going to not worry about it. i will keep to myself as i used to do and i will always have my bunny/ wife so i will be fine. they are nice to me when we do talk so at least it wont be that uncomfortable, and i am sure we can work on our relationships if they live here again.
also my bunny and i are finally thinking about getting our own place. it will take time and proper planning but it may be time to take the next step in our lives. our own place will be tough and i may not even have internet access at first, but it is exciting. we will find our feet i am sure. my mom in law is going to help us by taking a loan on the house (possibly) to help us get a down payment. we are looking around and we have found a fair amount of places outside our current location. it will be a challenge but it is our lives and our life together and it will happen eventually. hopefully by the end of the year we will have a place of our own and i will be back in school and have a job to help out.
so much happening and i hope that i can cope. i am doing ok i think. i am seeing my psych/therapist soon to get my story out.. my real story. no one but my bunny knows the updates that i know now.. thanks to my PTSD and DID i am still remembering the things that really happened... it is hard but nice to finally tell my story.
oh balls....
General | Posted 13 years agowell i went to the dentist and they were a great bunch (and i am not be sarcastic they really were awesome) they didnt treat me like an idiot and they gave it to me with a sense of humor.. which is so my style :) they figured out why my teeth are dying and yet they are so clean... i have a dry mouth and it attracts bacteria. that is why... WHY DIDNT I FIGURE THAT OUT! well they gave me a special toothpaste and mouth wash so i could try to fix it.
now the bad news... i have 2 root canals, 4 caps, and loads of fillings to do... the first root canal is scheduled for this saturday and will be done in 2 parts. they gave me vicodin to help with the pain until then and it makes me so loopy i am still coming down off the one i took this morning and the pain is returning. in 40 minutes i will be able to take another.
oh and my bunny was so nice :) she didnt even try to awake me this morning and let me sleep through my buzz. i got up at 12:00pm... 12:00PM! i missed half my day! i was so pissed until i took my morning meds with my vicodin and now i have a hard time caring. and since my bunny doesnt mind i guess it is ok... but still i could have done so much with the time i missed. DAMNIT.... oh well at least i wont hurt too bad as long as i take them as perscribed (which i mean to do. i dont do that abusive high stuff. i hate being this loopy as it is).
now the bad news... i have 2 root canals, 4 caps, and loads of fillings to do... the first root canal is scheduled for this saturday and will be done in 2 parts. they gave me vicodin to help with the pain until then and it makes me so loopy i am still coming down off the one i took this morning and the pain is returning. in 40 minutes i will be able to take another.
oh and my bunny was so nice :) she didnt even try to awake me this morning and let me sleep through my buzz. i got up at 12:00pm... 12:00PM! i missed half my day! i was so pissed until i took my morning meds with my vicodin and now i have a hard time caring. and since my bunny doesnt mind i guess it is ok... but still i could have done so much with the time i missed. DAMNIT.... oh well at least i wont hurt too bad as long as i take them as perscribed (which i mean to do. i dont do that abusive high stuff. i hate being this loopy as it is).
