Today is my birthday. I've been in the fandom for 10 years now. It's been with me through a lot. I've never quite felt like I've belonged anywhere as I have among my fellow furries, like being a square peg in a round world. Here, is a sense of belonging and happiness that I have not found elsewhere.

Today I was going to pack to go to Anthrocon, my favorite time of year. Anthrocon will be missed. Until next year.

This year is more significant though. A few years ago, I brought my mother to Anthrocon for my first convention. She didn't really take to furries. She didn't take me being one well either. In her words, "I like you better as a son."

That was more than two years before I told her I am gay. I promised myself that I would leave the homestead by the time I was 20. Here is to a promise kept. Despite all the shit this year has thrown at me, it has been the best. Urban life has treated me well.

If this is the, "shittiest year," and things only get better, then this is all going to be a breeze.

Note...I don't really hate my mother. I heard stories of what she went through as a kid with her stepfather. I just have my own things to sort out, and she stresses me out.

So my plans to move have been delayed for quite a while due to a bed bug infestation. I can't risk taking those with me, bleugh.

I was also in a car accident. No big deal, I drove into a ditch to avoid colliding with another car. The damage is cosmetic...oh but what is this?!? I have a ticket, so if I want to be able to afford insurance, I have to go to court...on the other side of the State. SO MUCH FOR MOVING! :D

Yesterday, only a mere few hours ago, I said my goodbyes to a dear cousin. He's moving far West, and this may be the last we see of each other. Me, him, and another cousin used to call ourselves the "Hell Raisers." We'd known each other since before we could talk, and our first steps were on the authorities' last nerve. I said goodbye to them both, as I too will be moving far away soon, with any luck. This has not only been the end of a decade but an era of my existence, it seems.

This Summer marks my 10th anniversary since I first joined the furry fandom. Since I can not bring myself to sleep, I figured I'd share while I contemplate what all happened for me in this fandom over the decade.

In mid-June 2010, I first discovered furry when looking at fan art of some of my favorite anthropomorphic characters. In the comment section, someone mentioned furries. Not knowing what that meant, I began searching. That's when I'd view one of my favorite activities to watch, fursuit dancing. I've never been much of a dancer myself, nor have I expressed interest in it as I have these fursuits. On the last day of June, after spending lots of time to myself, easy when you have very few friends, I decided I'd try it on and see if the shoe fits.

In the Summer of 2015, my sister had come across some very early drafts of my fursona. He looked nothing like he does today. In what was and is a trending behavior of hers, she told our parents about my new found interest. My father, as per usual, didn't seem to mind much. My mother, also as per usual, had a very different reaction. A soon to be a go-to move for me, I just didn't talk to her about it much and kept to myself.

Early on, I spent most of my time watching other furries at conventions and just appreciating the spectacle. I didn't really involve myself in any way. Though, I was working on my fursona and name. It wasn't until early May of 2016 that I had settled on a design. Originally, Starling was named, "Hide," and he wasn't even my sona. He was just a character in an allegorical short story I wrote for my English class, who was brutally murdered and skinned, which angered the sky of who he was friends with. It's a long story that has little relevance today, though I look back at it and admire all the basic components I had used that were inspired by other famous works, ranging from the Smash Bros. video game series to Kenneth Oppel's Silverwing, to the works of the transcendentalist Walden. Not a bad collection for a 15-year-old. I was one of those weird kids who actually read books and went to the library.

The following year, I went to my first convention for my 17th birthday, AC 2017, and I had a blast. Granted, my mother had to take me, as I didn't have a car or license at the time. I and my mother were raised in very conservative households, and I knew that the furry fandom was heavy on LGTB rights, so I kind of expected things wouldn't be all smooth sailing. This turned out to be a huge dampener on the experience. My mother got upset by everything relating to LGTB or sexuality as a whole.

Watch my face pale for one of my other favorite activities to watch and was dumb enough to invite my mother. I'm in the back wearing the Detroit Tiger's hat with orange fur on top. Listen for the category.
https://youtu.be/oifTH-Ogca8?t=1310

2019 was a big year. Where to even begin? I flunked college miserably. I got my first job and was fired, another trend that appears to be forming. I came out to my parents as gay. Some of the coolest furries ever passed away. I went to two conventions. It was a wild year, and the year I changed my name to Starling Fox.

I went to AC and MFF alone this time around. AC 2019 was the best experience I had in my life and gave me the confidence to be who I am. I never felt like I belonged anywhere as much as I did then. I've never been so happy before or since. AC 2019 needs a journal for itself, really. Afterwhich, craving more, I would go on to attend the local furry meet and greets, join Great Lakes Fur Chat, and get banned from Great Lakes Fur Chat. In the midst, we did lose a valued fur in the local community. Her friends would go on to wear her partial suit and raise money for her cremation. I hope that when I die, my friends will too pick up my pen and continue to tell the story.

For this new decade, I do have some resolutions. I want to move out before this Summer. I decided that I will not have children. I don't want to continue my family's legacy, so I decided I won't contribute. I need to find a job and actually hold it for longer than a month.

MFF 2019 was a blast, and I took home more souvenirs than I thought I'd ever been able to carry. Hell, I even walked away with signs and over 48 con books. Most importantly were the friends and memories I made there, and that we shared. I know that sounds cheesy, but I actually mean that. I never feel more included or happy than when I do when I am at these cons. You guys are my people who, and we understand each other more than other folks will. I got a ton of pictures, and encouragement, and much needed time to relax and really enjoy myself.

At first, I wasn't having nearly as much fun as I did at AC earlier this year, and Chicago doesn't seem to get as hyped for our arrival as much as Pittsburgh does. I think this is because MFF is really cold, and you really don't want to explore the "Windy City" in the middle of winter. This means we spend less time interacting with outside folks. I'm not saying MFF is a lesser con by any means. It's just a different experience that I wasn't entirely prepared for. AC felt more like an open world, and you'll know the streets and district pretty well by the end of the con.

Now, here's where things get ugly. I was unfortunate enough to stay at the Loews Hotel. This is the furthest hotel within walking distance of the con, and it is really pricy and sketchy. I was promised free breakfast, parking, and other amenities. Only, none of that was true. I was charged for everything from breakfast and parking to room service and the hot water. I will never stay at another Loews as long as I live. I was gouged an additional $200 on the way out. This hotel is pricy, anti-economic, and impractical in every way. Do you want a room so bad? Just rent the dumpster behind the DoubleTree. It's a much better hotel.

So a lot of my works are a huge work in progress, and there are many little stepping stones. Some of these art pieces don't really feel like furry pieces as much as it is just me screwing around and experimenting, so I won't be posting those animations on any usual platform. Instead, you can find them here. None of them are particularly great, but I am making progress, and that is showing.

Also, I have been really busy, working 10-12 hour shifts every day of the week, so I'm having a rough time doing a whole lot of anything. I will be going to MFF though, so I'll see you all there.

https://indyjohn.wixsite.com/starlingfox

I have a bit of a cold, so I’m working on the scripts for Sam Lion and Murphy Fox. I was working on the Blender models, but I am a complete novice at 3D animation, so the process is REALLY slow.

I enabled shinies, if you want to support my projects.

I’m getting a job soon and moving out, so things have been a bit hectic. I cried after I made the hard decision of giving up my puppy. Don’t worry about him. He’s fine. I found a nice old man to take care of him. He’s my great cousin. His dog died recently. Spot will be happy with him, and that’s what’s important.

I've been practicing with Blender recently. Haven't made a whole lot of progress with Lion and Fox, but I do have one scene written out, and I am working on two more as of now. The animation is a long term project, but I should have the next to scenes written out by the end of next month. Things have been rather busy, taking care of a litter of puppies and finding a job.

Anyway, I am now accepting commissions to animate or render, reference sheet provided. I will not be making reference sheets. You need to provide one of those.

$25+ for a still image
$45+ for animation

I've taken a few moments to step back and look at my writings. All of the writings that had dialog between two or more characters were too cringy for me to release. They weren't my best work. Most of my writings that I would dare call decent, are ones that don't include others. This comes as no surprise to me. I spent most of my life in solitude. In fact, I cancelled all my Thanksgiving plans this year. I still live with my folks, yet I spend over 80% of my time by myself. I plan on releasing one more scenic piece before working on my other two more serious works.

Coming Soon:
The Honest Evil
an unnamed scenic poem
Sam Lion and Murphy Fox

The scenic poem will be released as soon as I can give it a name. The other two are a work in progress. Lion and Fox will probably be released long before Honest Evil, but both of them will take some time to complete.

Lion and Fox is currently going under a lot of revisions, and I am hesitant to release it because someone is currently making a comic with a similar premise, so I practically have to start fresh. I might release the first chapter as a teaser in the next month, depending on how I feel about my progress. I plan on charging for the final release, but I currently have no illustrator nor have I ever charged for any of my works. Simply put, I have a lot to figure out. I have a lot of work to do, and since I am not a particularly well known writer, the likely hood of me making any form of success is not good. Also, I have never done anything like this before. I won't let that stop me from trying though.