Well, my 13-Day Vacation Adventure has officially come to an end.
I traveled to Indianapolis, IN for Indy Fur Con 2016, with some of my greatest friends. I went fursuiting, attended panels, and laughed harder than i have in a long time. I stayed and hung out, refueling my love of card playing, and even learned a thing or two about myself. After a short stop home of watching anime and resting, I immediately began again, traveling north with an amazing copilot Mollie by my side, up to Mackinac City, and Mackinac Island. We biked all 8 miles around the island on a tandem bike, searched for stones, explored the mainland, and saw everything we wanted to, including on the way there and back. We also took the long way home, stopping in Petoskey and Traverse City on the way home. To wrap it up, today I struck out to the mall with my copilot, and we saw "Florence Foster Jenkins", and I bought 2 new hats!
I had a wonderful vacation. It almost feels like a dream. Tomorrow, I go back to working 2 jobs to pay the bills. But, it was worth every penny spent. It went without a hitch, and I cant wait to have another adventure again.

I'm at IFC!!! Come say hello! I have bright purple hair and blue glasses. I love hug, so give me your hugs and let's hang out!

Im making a prototype of one, and hopefully will be able to make them for sale once I get better.
After that, I will probably move into custom plushes, like I used to make. :)

It's hard to believe that it has been four years since my mother passed on. Wow, time really does go fast. It almost slipped my mind, even. I still remember all the cool stuff we did together, and how amazing she was. (For those that don't know, my mother was basically Super Woman, but a lot more fun.) I still try to make her proud, and I'm sure she is. I still wish I could show her everything I am working on. I know she would love my new fashion line I'm developing.

I love you so much, mom. I always will.
"No matter what you do, or where you go, I will always be your mother, and I will always love you.". <3

~A conversation I had over the phone with a friend. We talked for a while, but the topic of music and my playing music kept coming up. Apparently, I was contacted for a reason. I'm sorry for copying ans pasting this to facebook, my dear friend. You signed up for this. ~

Friend: You wanna know something about you that you probably dont realize?
Me: Umm, sure?
Friend: You are terrible at conversation. You dont talk a lot. You're shy. Unless its a conversational crutch like sewing, trains, or fashion, you socially shut down. You are probably the worst at comforting others, and in general you are a complete train wreck. You stutter and over analyze everything you say. Your anxiety makes you stutter and your stutter makes you anxious. You let your anxiety and depression control your social interactions because you are afraid of what people think of you. You give good hugs and offer good advice to hide from the fact that you're the one that needs it the most.
Me:....Uhhhh....
Friend: Let me finish.
Me: Make it quick...
Friend: You are really bad with words. You communicate through your art. This is why you need to get back into music, Eric. Every time you play, every time you pushed air through that Bass, you communicated exactly how you were feeling. You didn't stutter. There was no anxiety. No depression. There was just you and the music. It was so evident that the music filled you and flowed through you. You played those notes like they were a language you were fluent in, even more so than English. You let everything go. You were so free... and so full of life. Everyone can tell that you let that flame burn out. You speak of playing music with fondness and sincerity, and almost longing, like its a long-forgotten past. It's in your eyes and your actions. But most obvious is your voice. When you played, you stuttered less. You were so passionate about music and how it got your "engines running". The notes made you happy, angry, sad, and so frustrated, and it was something that you loved like a hopeless romantic. Why did you give it up? Why throw away the thing that made you so many friends and memories? You GAVE UP on music. You stopped composing music like you used to. You stopped playing. I can tell that you daydream and fantasize about it but that's ALL you ever do now, is dream. You gave up the fire in you. You gave up trying because you are too afraid to let your emotions out. Too afraid to let the world see who you really are and how you really feel, and fill yourself with the drive and ambition to be great. You gave up the thing your prided yourself with. You gave up your art. You turned to drawing and sewing, which you are good at, but it doesn't fulfill you. You put on a face for the world to see. A happy, bubbly, fashion-obsessed, bitchy front. No one knows you, Eric. And the select few that do, including myself, you shut out of your life completely and pushed away. Im not doing this to rant and yell at you. I want to know why you gave up. Why? Why stop playing?
Me: ...so much for making things quick...
Friend: Typical you. Avoiding the tough questions of life completely. I know you. You are either too afraid to admit it because you are afraid of how you feel, or you are completely and utterly frustrated with yourself and dont want to admit that either.
Me: Okay?
Friend: You may be really tough. You are logical and academically inclined. You know a lot and have good life skills. You have awards. You are a responsible adult. But you have no idea how to live life. You follow others because that how you think it works. You mimic friends so they like you more. I know it. Everyone knows it.
Me: I dont know what to say.
Friend: No, you dont. You never do. Thats who you are! Thats the point! You dont speak with your words you speak through your music!!! You lost the challenge in playing your Bass. You mastered it. You just need a new musical outlet.
Me: Why was the musician arrested?
Friend: DONT
Me: He was in treble!!!!
Friend: You are impossible.
Me: Piano?
Friend: Really?
Me: A total off 88 keys. Bass and treble clef. Hows that for a challenge?
Friend: I expect to hear Bach and Mozart from you.
Me: Dont expect less.
Friend: There you are.

[center]I want to learn to play piano. It's something that I have always wanted.
I'm thinking of saving up slowly for a keyboard. Then I can practice.
For now, I'm going to familiarize myself with the notes and the logistics.

I have played the Bass Clarinet at an expert level for years, won awards and competitions alike, and ow I find no challenge. I want to expand my musical playing ability. Along with the piano, I would like to learn either the violin or cello, the saxophone, and possibly a third instrument. [/center/

Today, I witnessed something beautiful. Today, I attended the marriage ceremony of my dear friends Gary and Bree. I feel so honored that I was able to share today with them. I am happy that I was able to take part in the following festivities, being a part of the delicious food, delightful conversation, board games with my table-guests (amazing idea btw Bree), catching the bouquet (I was so excited), and even breaking a sweat doing the chicken dance! I sang at the top of my lungs with the bride to Bohemian Rhapsody, danced with the groom all I could, and shared in truly a magical day. I witnessed Bree and Gary standing before us, professing their love publicly in one of the most beautiful sacraments that two people can partake.
They truly are a wonderful couple, and I wish them nothing but happiness, understanding, and undying love.
To the happy couple, thank you. Thank you for this special day. Congratulations on your new future together. I hope your marriage is a wonderful adventure. heart emoticon Cheers! To the happy couple. (I will post the pictures I got of the wedding tomorrow ^^)

So yeah. Im not going to Anthrocon anymore due to person reasons.
Im going to Indy Fur Con instead! YAY! Thank you boss-man for not getting pissed when I asked to change my vacation hours!!
Other crap: totally working on a stellar new fashion line that I wqill of course post on FA when I am completed. I cant wait to show my newest designs!

Warning: Contains offensive language and mature topics. Do not read if you are easily offended or have a low IQ.

I do not understand today's society. It is so hard, in fact quite rare, to find a man that is genuine, responsible, kind, honest, caring, takes care of himself, and has a sense of humor. Sensibility and humility have fallen by the wayside, and those that still hold onto them are seen as prudes. Manners have been tossed aside, and I've been described as "upitty" for having them. Formality, regality, and grace have been beaten to death by those too lazy to try. Technology is not not a luxury, but a necessity that has the uncivilized and idiots of the public wrapped around their fingers, engulfing lives more than tobacco. Sex is no longer a private and intimate display of affection, but a public topic to be discussed in open forums, and those who hold their sex life to be private, or do not have sex more openly, are LOOKED DOWN UPON! I DONT GET IT! WHY?!

I need someone to explain to me WHY all the good qualities in men that people look for in dating material has been reduced to shallow complexes, rude attitudes, irresponsibility, disrespectful demeanors, dismissive diction, reclusive tendencies, and unintelligent mindsets. That is NOT an opinion, it's fact. Outside of the rare statistical outlier, my generation has no upbringing of required social manners, civility, and common decency.
I was raised well. My parents taught my brother and me very well. We were raised around decent, well-meaning, good people. I just assumed that society followed. I was so wrong, its not even funny. Countless dates and greetings that were all a complete waste of my time.
No one dresses to impress anymore. Just a fact. Formal wear and looking decent as been nudged aside while ratty jeans and sweatpants took over. Dresses your size has been killed by dressing to be the size you want to be, making ill-fitting clothing even MORE unflattering than ever, and those people getting offended when they are looked down upon for having skin spilling over.

Dating and courtship has been replaced with "hanging out" and text-based conversations. Fine dining and wine replaced with nightclubs, drinking, and hooking up. Roses replaced with a heart emoji. Letting a relationship grow and bloom into something wonderful replaced by "falling" in love, and a obsessive need to be in a relationship, being their self-esteem and self-worth on their relationship status. The desire to please replaced by the need to pleasure. Intimacy replaced by meaningless sex. A common community swept up in the honeymoon phase and then bored with the normality. Those looking to "complete" themselves, when they should already be complete as a person on their own! Men more wanting to be "players" and tools, rather than upstanding gentlemen.

Those like me, who are frustrated with the sheer stupidity and slobs, are now looking to the generations BEFORE us for these qualities, also finding it rare to find quality there as well, but then looked down upon for the age gap. Sadly, we do not want the age gap either, but we are drawn to the qualities of those men older than us, therefore making the love taboo. More often than not, those older men turn out to be perverted, creepers and desperate themselves, which defeats the purpose in the first place, putting us back in a frustration of trying to be a good person in a society of deviancy with a lack of subtlety.

I want a man that knows how to love. Who is kind and considerate, with manners and someone that I can show off, and take out in public without worry about his actions and wardrobe, and how he is perceived by others. A man that dresses well, if not formally, and tries his best to look his best, even in jeans and a tee. A man that works and understands the need, not wanting to mooch off of others and the government. Someone who wants to have fun, and is not glued to a screen 24/7. Someone with a good family. Someone with no major mental disorders or physical impairments. Someone who loves my outside just as much as the inside. Of course, someone with common interests with, but someone I am not embarrassed of. A man with a tough exterior, and can keep up with me when I go camping. Someone who is sensitive, but not so much as to be impaired by it. A man that loves formality as much as I do, and prefers to be regal rather than a "player". Someone who shares my values. Is that so hard to ask? Is it so bad to want someone who is humble? Honest? Polite? Handsome?

This rant would be a lot longer if I wanted to include ALL the thoughts about this particular topic, but I'll wrap it up now to save myself from exploding.
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than with someone that doesn't deserve me. I have incredibly high standards and exectations for today's society. And you know what? I'm okay with that. A real man will live up to every expectation and standard naturally. You wont get the queen's attention by acting like a fool.

If you do not agree with me about any of this, fine! You dont have to! This is my personal opinion! Think I'm too vintage? Shallow? Picky? Obsessed? Well guess what? I DON'T CARE. YES, I have struggled with depression, anxiety, self-loathing, self-harm, and a shit-storm of questioning myself.
BUT I AM BETTER THAN DATING BELOW MY LEVEL. I have confidence, I have drive and motivation to be better, and I have dreams. Keep up, or stay out of my way. I want love, and I am in a place in my life where I am ready ot be ina relationship and have that. I simply wish that society would shapen up and raise the bar a little. It can't hurt.

Its official! I got the time off! And I am Anthrocon-bound!!!
THis is my first AC, so Im very excited :)

Also planning to attend GLFC this year and hopefully IFC if I can swing it.

Well, I'm single again. After 8 days of zero communication, I got a call. He ended the relationship. He explained why, and at least now I KNOW why. The hope is that we can still be friends in the future. But for now, I just want time to recover.

I am a queen. Historically, queens are more powerful without a king. My empire will survive. I will always rule, with or without someone. I hope I find someone someday. But I do not NEED someone to ensure my reign.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It wasn't hard to say goodbye to 2015. It was long, difficult, straining, confusing, financially tight, depressing, and a constant struggle. Its been full of abandonment from fake friends, lies, deceit, and moral ambiguity. 2015 had its high points, but I'm glad its over.

I am really looking forward to 2016. I feel like 2016 will be a productive year. Things will get done that need to be looked at. This is my year to put my nose to the grindstone, rid my life of the toxins and poisons in my life, and show everyone what I'm really made of.
This is going to be a good year. I know it will. Granted, not every day can be perfect. There will be struggles and low points. But I feel like I have the materials and the drive to make this a good year. Im starting out much better than the previous year. The past few years have been a cluster of bad experiences, crippling anxiety, and a struggle to keep my depression at bay. But you know what? THIS is my year to prove to the world that I'm tough, I'm resilient, and I have the ability to do anything I put my mind to.

In 2014, I learned what I need to do, and how to survive. In 2015, I learned who I was, and how much I'm willing to take. THis year, I'm ready to prove what I CAN DO, and what I'm capable of.
I have been grossly underestimated the past few years. I think its time to show the world that you should never underestimate a woman in furs and pearls....

Merry Christmas to everyone!! To my family, friends, Furries, Bronies, fans, geeks, nerds, enthusiasts, and to everyone I love and care about.
Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful, loving, caring, special day. Share a smile, and spread some joy.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I'm so thankful for all I have. Family, amazing friends, love, and opportunities. Tha k you everyone that makes my life special. :)

So...birthday...
I'm 22 now. Woohoo? lol

Im super excited for IFC!
I have a new partial to show off too!
SO EXCITED!
HUG ME!

I literally cried over the ruling of the Supreme Court allowing same-sex couples to get married. This is only a single small step, but it's still a huge accomplishment for all citizens fighting for complete equality. I have to say thank you to everyone out there who supports and fights for equal rights. The support, care, and love has been wonderful and uplifting, and never have I been given such amazing messages from everyone when I needed them. THIS is what real, true love feels like. ‪#‎everybodysaylove‬ ‪#‎equalityforall‬ ‪#‎equalmarriage‬ ‪#‎loveislove‬


HELLO ALL

OKAY! I am looking for a room to stay in and transportation (not required because I own a car).
I'm looking to go to IFC AND MFF!!!

If you have space, or know of someone who might, please let me know! I'm looking to go to some cons! Take some picts! Have some fun!

I can and WILL pay for my fair share of the room, and whatever else. I am open to sleeping on the floor.

Thank you for all the help!!!