A general update from my last one. I managed to gather the needed money for my cat thanks to many folks and their donations, including one at the end that tipped the entire thing over the goal so, I'm still blown away thinking about that. In other news, I wish I could say I'm in full production mode and just so fired up to be writing and stuff now that I got that dealt with but.

I am not.

I am just spending month to month, chipping away at stuff as I can while dealing with anxiety/depression. I'm far from done or just giving up but I'm for sure just, not at the capacity I wish I was with the amount of ideas I have. If you like my work and wanna throw a tip my way, I have a ko-fi where I also sell adoptable designs made from templates I have purchased/have permission to make adoptables out of. Which is another thing I wish I was making more of but I have to pick my battles on what thing I can devote my energy of the day toward.

That's pretty much it. I just noticed I still had the previous journal up about my cat situation and wanted to update. Oh uhhh additionally I have a bluesky? If folks wanna check me out there but I haven't really posted anything. I'm for the moment treating it like my tumblr and just mostly reblogging posts. I am hoping and thinking about maybe doing short stories there or maybe WIP stuff but we'll see.

Ko-Fi
Bluesky

Well it's been a hot minute or so since I posted something here. And it's something I had hoped I wouldn't have to post about but here we are.

My cat, who is otherwise young and healthy, needs a tooth extraction that's been quoted at $2,978. The vet said if I don't get this procedure done, it could lead to serious health complications for her. I need a $500 deposit up front, and the rest over time.

I am disabled with only SSI as income, and stuck living in an abusively toxic household that drains me everyday. The only thing keeping me sane is this cat.

I have explored all options for how to pay for this, but am coming up empty and am very worried and at a loss of where else to turn.

Which brings me here, asking for donations to my ko-fi. I need to use ko-fi (rather than a go-fund-me) because SSI caps my bank account at $2,000. With ko-fi I can transfer funds in installments.

Please, even if you can't donate, please signal boost about this so it reaches a wide range of people.

https://ko-fi.com/lukkadev

Just needed to insert a new journal in. Took down my patreon again to focus more on my ko-fi. I had originally intended for my ko-fi to be a relatively opinion dumping place and then I just stopped at some point? So gonna try to go back to that. I am also giving the shop feature a try. So if anyone is interested to see some of the stuff going on there, can go check it out --> Here

As for my writing WELL.........

I've been in a bit of a slump. Because executive dysfunction is a bitch. I've managed to churn out a couple fics over on Ao3 at least but I been chomping at the bit to resume some stuff here like more Oni adventures and Fireblood so I am hoping that I'm finally coming out of the otherside of this.

For anyone that would like to read the stuff I post on Ao3 though, here ya go --> Linku

Time to toss up a new journal looks like. Things as usual are pretty up and down for me lately, recently moved so a bit scatterbrained to boot. But been trying to get back in the groove of updating things. Got the next chapter of Fireblood in the works, some more oni shorts, and I might be looking at making some adoptable designs. We shall see.

I also reopened my patreon. Everything I post there is public view, I'm just opinion dumping and sharing an occasional glance into things that have happened in my life. For the moment I don't really plan to have anything behind a paywall other than a poll system for topic choice if I gain some patrons. Can check it out --> Here! <--

Uhhhh also got some fics on Ao3, one of them is on a "hiatus" until I regain some interest to finish it. Take a look at that --> Here! <--

And uhhhh idk what else to put here. Remember your meds, kiss your animal, drink some water.

Just need a new journal. Though I will add that chapter three for Fireblood is in the works so hopefully I will have that ready to post soon.

Giving this a shot after... years? It's been years. Anyway trying this out on twitter first then might toss some designs up here on my FA. For the time being, come check out some Dragonborn if interested~

My Twitter

2020. Still packing them punches without relent. Home situation has only worsened over the last few weeks emotionally, not leaving me with much energy to work on anything. Financial situation is still shit as well. So. Yup. Just trying to figure something out, I guess.

I say as if other folks aren't suffering the same problem this entire shitty year. Which just makes it feel dumb to even bring it up but I been in an financial hell hole even before all this went down. I'm disabled, the only jobs I've had were seasonal work, I'm practically dependent on SSI which my mother abuses and now I'm left with the prospect that it could up and vanish which would just make my entire situation even worse. Both in regards of trying to move the hell away from my toxic/transphobic parents and taking care of my cat who's my therapy pet. Let alone get myself even the basic needs like food.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well I have a Ko-Fi that I hoped could work as a tip jar but since it's set at $3 per "cup" I have debated making a patreon so that my tip jar could be $1 at least. I've tried patreon though, several times, and it's really gone no where so I don't know. If people prefer patreon over Ko-Fi then maybe? I'm just kind of at a lost of what to do here. I need money to move out and I also need money to go toward future books.

Which speaking of. The sequel of ShadowPals is in the works. I've been pretty hyped about it, it's going to feature a new protag, so I hope to introduce folks to her soon. I don't have a set schedule still of when the first chapter will drop nor when I will update future chapters after that. The stress of my household has been eating away at me more so than ever. Some days, as much as I want to sit down and write, I just end up staring at my screen for hours instead. Or I try to lose myself in a game and that's not always enough either to curve the stress/anxiety.

So uh, in all, we shall see when the sequel comes to be. I hope it's soon but... yeah.

Just giving a heads up that I will be going back through previous chapters and editing the characters Cerise and Caleb to have different names. It's in part to the fact almost half the cast has C names (which is jumbling up writing scenes for me) and I've also just decided on names that are more fitting for these characters. No one else's name at this time will be changed.

I do encourage a re-read once these edits are made (which I will notify in this journal when that happens) while waiting on Chapter Ten to drop. Thank you!

EDIT: And done, all chapters are edited.

So.

I have a sort of schedule for writing now. Posting time is still up in the air but so far this method AT LEAST has gotten me finally working on things instead of staring at the doc for hours, doing nothing but getting lost in my own head about the stresses and frustrations in my life. Even if it's only a sentence at a time, things are MOVING AGAIN.

That said, hopefully this will keep up because I've been missing the heck out of Shadowpals and boi do I have plans for it folks~

I don't know, I just wanted to replace the other journal. I have been needing help but I don't know how to ask for it without it blowing up in my face. I keep trying to go about it from another angle, trying to explain, but I get so caught up in anxiety that I choke. Now this pandemic is causing issues for everything and everyone, which frankly I hate that most of it is because of misinformation flying around.

So.

Yeah.

Been picking away at Shadowpals or well trying to. You'd think I'd be churning out chapters, especially now, cause so much free time. But it doesn't do me any good when I'm now even more stressed than normal being stuck around my emotionally abusive parents 24/7 whose jobs can't seem to figure out if they want them coming in or not during all this. Even BEFORE the pandemic I was having issues finding myself a job all the time that wasn't something seasonal. Because temporary jobs are the only thing to hire you on the spot.

Anyway. I'm now rambling. I'm rambling because I'm in this depressing... and frustrating stalemate of my life with no mcfucking clue what to do about it than just scream into the void.

Been a while.

I had finally gotten top surgery on the 16th of Jan so I been mostly in recovery from that. I had hoped I would knock out some chapters during that but haaa yeah. Anyway, I can't even describe the feelings I'm having with having finally happened. Some days it still doesn't even feel real. There's of course been bumps along the way before and after, most of it to do with my transphobic parents not giving their support because they rather I suffer than inconvenience them...

So yeah I'm still stuck in an emotionally abusive home which hasn't been helping my motivation with most things. But I'm trying. I want to resume Shadowpals and I want to get other things going in the goal to move out.

I have brought up a few times now about my ko-fi page, which I've set a lower goal for now than what I had previously. Just some help with groceries would ease some stress for me and allow me to save a bit more money toward moving out. Anyway, sorry for the lack of update and thanks to those that have stuck around.

EDIT: For those wondering about my job status, I'm unemployed. My last job was a seasonal and my work history overall has been almost nothing but seasonals and internships which has been making finding a job complicated enough. Now COVID-19 has added to that complication. So yeah. Luck hasn't been on my side with finding a job, the most I can hope for is another seasonal position at this rate.

https://ko-fi.com/lukkadev

Sucks. The end.



...Okay but really. I finally got a job but for one thing it's seasonal, again, and then there's been such a schedule debacle that I pretty much didn't work a single shift this entire month. Part of that mess was that I was suppose to have top surgery on the 19th but thanks to insurance bs, it got rescheduled to Jan.

So I mean, great that it's not canceled but god fucking damn it did not I not need that emotional blow on top of the shit I'm dealing with daily.

This said stuff I've been rather vague about whenever bringing it up publicly and the why simply put is: Asking for help has backfired on me so many times that talking about my situation has become a nightmare. Even though I want help and NEED help, it just... always somehow blows up in my face. It's beyond emotionally draining for me.

The best I can explain about it is that from about last year to currently, I been coming to terms that my home situation is and has been an emotionally abusive scenario while also having my disability taken advantage of. I've been making some strides in standing up for myself but it's still very hard and terrifying with many missteps. And now that I've also come to accept myself more, gender and sexuality wise, I'm now facing transphobia from my parents on top of the abuse. I had to go through so many loops and holes just to get this surgery arranged because my parents refuse to acknowledge me, my wants, and needs because it's all inconvenient to them and their image of how I should be.

As for my job situation. I've had nothing but seasonal and temporary internships since 2015. That is a complete disaster on a resume. But it's not the only issue. The other has been that I been trying to find positions/places that won't make my mental and physical health take a nose dive WHICH has limited me even more.

Now I could just disregard my health and open up more options with the hope my horrible work history will be overlooked but. I rather not throw myself into a hospital again from the last time I did that?

I been on and off with trying to open a patreon and having a paypal.me and ko-fi. I dropped patreon because I don't have enough energy to churn out content on a set schedule so I've settled on just having the ko-fi for now.

https://ko-fi.com/lukkadev

Now for ShadowPal news. Chapter 8 is in the works. No idea when it will be finished but I am hoping soon, I'm actually kinda hyped for this one and the following chapters compared to the stumble with Chapter 7.

And that's all.

It's not dead and neither am I. Much.

Poor humor aside, I am actually struggling with my home environment and financially so, as mentioned in a previous journal, the updates are still going to come. I just have no sure date of when each chapter will come along. Motivation and energy has been at an all time low lately as I fight to get into my own place and also seek medical improvement for myself.

But I'm trucking on. Sorry for the wait folks.

Is something I wish I could do. As I get further in the story of ShadowPal, I find myself wanting to have an illustration to portray a scene per chapter. The ultimate dream would be to have this turned into a full fledged web comic. But I'm not in any position to make either of those things happen.

I am curious on people's thoughts if I was able to commission some "title cards" for the chapters instead of reusing the same thumbnail over and over.

Okay! So I've been steadily trying to become more active here, DA, and twitter so thought I'd give a journal update while at it.

So first thing is that I am really enjoying writing up ShadowPal and I'm glad for the people who are enjoying it too, thanks so much. I don't have a set schedule of updates for now because I just upload as I finish the chapter. I would like to have a more steady upload schedule though which brings me into the next thing.

My home situation is not great. I'm dealing with parents that think they're helpful when they're really not most of the time because most of it leads to constant emotional abuse from them and minor physical abuse from my mother, who is also very controlling as is. Having both anxiety AND dysphoria on top of this is only feeding into depression. Which doesn't leave me very full of energy to write when I'm spending that in decompressing instead. The cherry on top is that I have SSI due to having Autism but I have little to no access of my SSI. This is because my mother uses most of it towards her bills/debts and then calls it square by only giving me $25 out of the full payment per month.

So needless to say, I am trying to get out of this situation. I BEEN trying to get out of this situation for years. I have opened up fundraisers and go fund me and patreon and all that to get out of this situation and they all were either sabotaged by my mother or flat out ignored. The only work I been able to handle is temporary and seasonal work due to my emotional and mental state.

That being said, I am still trying to find a job that hopefully I can hold down permanently if I get out of this house. But for now, I do have a ko-fi page that would help me with having some money on the side. Mostly for my cat, Crook but also saving up, in general, to get the hell out into my own place.

From there I can continue other steps toward getting my life on track. Like getting a therapist and top surgery and a proper diet, etc.

ShadowPal will still be continued, I have no plans to stop, this is just why updates will be... wonky.

Cause why not. I guess it'll sorta be my new years resolution at the same time?

- Money for story illustrations

- Top surgery (god plz)

- Self-improvement in art, writing, time management

- Moving out into own place

Closed patreon yet again. So. Place holder journal I guess.

Welp, I'm not very good with journal updates if it wasn't obvious but, I'm trying the patreon thing again. Check it out here --> https://www.patreon.com/lukkadev

Um yea beta for that going on so come check it out.

http://www.furvilla.com/register/31775

So um, I am really bad at this sort of thing. I've been posting just about everywhere I can think of about this. Please, if you can't contribute anything, spreading the word around would be a god send. I really need more people aware of this campaign I trying to run on gofund me for my mother. There's a post on my tumblr that people can reblog but otherwise just... please tell folks? Spread the link around.


Gofund Me: https://www.gofundme.com/27hy9ec

Tumblr: http://elvhenluca.tumblr.com/post/1.....02041/plz-help

So I'm still around. Just been busy with a program meant to help me find a job. Which I guess is working cause I've gotten 3 interviews now? Soooo...

Anywho, still got some adoptables looking for homes, I do plan to make more. Had a brief heart attack after the free windows 10 update thinking that I wouldn't be able to use SAI anymore but that soon got resolved. And I did close patreon after a while. I do thank the people that were willing to support but between this program and just the overall lack of motivation to keep up the updates I had to find another means to deal with my financial issues.

I will still be posting stories on my tumblr if anyone's interested to read and I've also started a fanfiction on AO3. Yup so that's about it other than a reminder about my book which can be found here: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bru.....=9781633826533

So… My situation has turned a bit more dire than I was thinking. I was aware that our ( myself and family ) rent problems were there, but I didn’t think it was basically “we could be kicked out any day” point.

I don’t really know what else I can say.

There’s so many people in either the same or worse situation than me. But I still have to ask that anyone out there that can help, please?

I mean I’m not even really asking for myself at this point. My mother is working a miserable job to keep a roof over our heads so all I get to see is her coming home always tired to the point she passes out the moment she sits down or on the verge of crying when she doesn’t notice me or my sister in the room.

And really this has been 10 years of my life, always watching my mother working these bullshit jobs when she has gone to college and completed a master degree in nutrition. Which of course, a lot of us don’t really see the fight our parents are going through for us until we’re older and I don’t like what I’ve been realizing these last few years behind the scenes.

So call this a sob story. Call it an excuse. But this is the facts and yes I am job hunting but jobs don’t magically drop on our doorsteps. Or else I wouldn’t be asking for help.

So visit my patreon, any advice you want to give, any help is welcomed. Please and thank you.

https://www.patreon.com/elvhenluca

Updating here as well since I forgot to beforehand. Got another book published and it can be found here: http://www.americastarbooks.net/9781633826533.html or here:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bru.....=9781633826533

Be sure to check it out if interested!

I also now have a patreon right here: https://www.patreon.com/elvhenluca

So.. Yeah made a tumblr some time ago and forgot to mention it. Not much drawings for the moment, mostly just drabbles if anyone interested to read.

http://elvhenluca.tumblr.com/