I want to spread the word of the Passing away of  bentproplrprod

He comes to my life 10 months ago when i was suffering of my back and was unemployment, his cheerful attitude and silly way of act give me a smiles and helped me to pass and recover of such depressive fellings. I'll remember those times, and i apreciatte all what you did for me around those times.

Post Edit: He died on his sleep due a hearth problem that were increased for the long-time bronchitis/pneumonia that he had being suffering.

May you rest peacefully.

Some days ago i have a fight with one of my best friends about somethign related to the presidential that you are having up there. I don't care what was the reason of the fight we had, i only care it was stupid, i messed up badly and ended saying hurtful things to him. I haven't being able to get on my sense since then, and i have being felling a really deep burden, that have being pushing me to a depression, i haven't being able to work properly, and just because i have being remembering how i treat him and the word i used toward him. I needed to vent this words, to take them out of my chest.

The thing is, fighting over if someone preffer X person or preffer the other, was stupid. Everyone have different points of views or different reason to believe something and that doesn't make it less wrong or less right. Right now, both options are, honestly, pretty bad. While, I have already set my prefference, everyone is entitled to have it's own. And whatever it happened up there by the end of tomorrow, no matter what, things can go downhill, it's always an option afterall, so no matter what happen unity it what must be needed on those times, and i'll be there for help to the ones who needed.

Right now, i'm worried to what would happence, hence, i just want things to end. And hope the future would be bright for everyone up there.

I don't have much things to say. I'm just blocking comments here, i just wanted to vent the fellings that even happened. And hope that things get back to normal and hopping to things soothe and relax. I have heard, this hav being a quite conflictive election, and me, who is not even American conflicted on it.

Don't let those devils get released, Be tolerant, and accept other people decition. Otherwie, you would end saying you never expected you would say.

I'm sorry for everything.

Lucky.

Two people that doesn't follow me on twitter might not know, so i think i should inform here why i did 0 art-work and why i was so quiet here, A Short summary.

Monday: People tried to break into my house in the morning, Around 4 AM. They broke the main Window, the window still need some reparation.
Tuesday: My grandma suffered an Acute Dementia/Delirium, she was totally lost in time and space. it was terrible to see her in that state.
Wednesday: My Tablet Pencil, the one who company me for over 7 years old, broke in half.
Thursday: Had a Meeting where i presented some work plans, my presentation get wrecked, and thankfully was a preparation for the true moment.
Friday: Get a mail saying that the amount of complains received on a Public Center what so much that i was gonna get a call from them and was gonna get a meeting to see how fix the problems.
Saturday: I was happy my weekdays ended and i bought a new tablet, but...
Sunday: Got a call from the guard, telling the door of my office was open, and while i walked to check there. I probably will get an Audit with my boss for how bad it was all.

So those have being the reason i haven't worked on anything at all.

Want to give you the thanks to everyone who aproached to me and support and tried to cheer me up, during that horrible week. I hope, the one who is starting is way, way better.

Thanks you to all for understand why i haven't advanced on commission and art.

Well, A lot of things have passed since i did my last Journal for my brithday, so i'll summarize the more important things.

1.- Had some Romantic breakups, pondered again my sexuality and my romantic fellings toward people. How i see my friends and how i feel toward them.
2.- Worked in Chiloe, in the mountain side. Super Cold, really bad internet.
3.- Traveled back to Coquimbo, Started a New Job, Working for the Major for now. My contract end in September, but probably it will extend more as the person i'm "replacing" is out of the City hall.
4.- I'm in a relationship with  VectorDragon
5.- I'm having a bit more time to Draw due my work shedule...
6.- Or that i would have, but spend a week and a half with depression because Eldrazis (The creatures that make me leave magic for the first time) invaded Innistrad (The Plane/World/Universe that make me return after i leaved)... It hurt... But Anyway, all the other titans are either dead or traped, so yay(?)
7.- I'm starting to feel better from Moving, Adapting to my new work, my Eldrazi Depression and adapting to my shedule. So let's hope art move faster now.

While i had initially 15 slots, two friends asked me to Open slots. I accepted and i added to the list, but, i have being felling akward with having "17" slots on the queque. I need to open them to 20 so i feel better with myself. (They should end in 5 or 0 to feel better with myself) So yeah, they are now 3 Slots more Opened.

I want to give the thanks to everyone who showed apreciattion for me on this day, I'm really happy for everyone who comes to wish me a Happy Birthday, even if Skype, Deviant art just remember the day to people who follow me or have me on his Skype.

One of the things that really mean a lot for me, is the feeling that i mean for you. And if you just wish me a Happy birthday grettings, is enough. I really don't care about people who were unable to give me a birthday gift, those are always material stuff, and while I do enjoyed gettings things from People (I get a series of nifty drawings from a close friend and video games over steam) what matter more to me is felling i'm important for you guys.

Felling i have toued your hearts enough for comes to wish me a Happy Birthday, is everything i ask or want for.

Knowing, that i have touched so many lives and that my existance here in this world worth of something for you guys, that i should keep trying my best to be with you, and do my best to be here, it's the only i ever ask for.

Thanks you.

I'm showing the Info of the last pictures in case people need to read info.

Well guys! I'm opening commissions Today! The Sale is Pokemon transformation, All pictures with pokemon related transformation have a 25% of Discount.

I'm Opening with 15 Slots, 5 Slots for Single pictures, 5 Slots for Paneled Pictures and 5 Slots that i fill in case the previous slot get used.

Here are some Info that you must read so you can understand how i Work.
1.- I Work as a pharmacist, that take me some times, I don't ask for money unless the work is done, in case of Panel Pictures (That cover now Comics and Three Stage tf) I do the first picture first and the ones who follow when i receive the Money respectively.
2.- Only single Pictures can have an extra character, If that is the case each extra character increase the price on 50%.
3.- When you get a Slot, you have access to 5 different Pictures for each Slot. (You can have 5 Single Pictures or 5 Paneled pictures)
4.- If you commissioned me on the Last time i Open, you have a free picture for being a good commissioner to me.
5.- Once the last commission is drawn, i'll do a raffle between all the commissioners. Winner will get a free picture.
6.- I like to draw some stuff between; either single Slot, or between each finished paneled Pictures. That way i can advance my to do list and sketches.
7.- Be nice and understand the terms!

Just a remindend, One day more for Vote about what will be my next sale!

You can vote here: https://twitter.com/Wolfaro/status/.....41053581463552

23 people have give their vote so far, results are this way:

26% Disney Universe
48% Pokemon
4% Year of the Monkey
22% Polimorphing MTG

The Winner will have a discount on 25% for the next sale Opening!

In any case, if you don't have twitter you can let your vote on This Journal and i'll count toward the respectible total, All end in Friday night!

Grettings, Lucky!

Hey guys, Almost a Month that i don't do a New Journal about how things go.

Here are how things go:

About Life

I have a month already working on a Pharmacy, i moved to the Big Island of Chiloé, things have being quite nice here, thought i still feel lonely from time to time and a bit depressed from left my family that far, i'm getting slowly using to the distance. I don't have much time for myself, because i work from Monday to Sunday from 10:30 to 14:00 and then from 17:00 to 21:00, with a day of rest once i have manage to get +8 extra hours. (Those comes from weekends, where i get called whenever they need me, thought i always must be when closing), that shedule is slowly worn me out, but my mood hasn't changed for now.

About Art

I bet you have noticed, I started to Upload art daily. Some reasons for it; I'm a bit more setted and felling better mood-wise, Since i moved I lost any access to a Scanner, so now i'm doing my drawings 100% Digital. (Without using a paper, eraser, line process) this have speed my drawing overall for 1 hours, and it's slowly getting faster. (meta commission, per panel take me 3 hours to do, Digital potato tftuesday take me 5, today Piggy tf take me 2 and a half) i don't have much time for drawing due work, but i'm improving to draw a bit more faster and getting used to the 100% digital work. That open me to streaming more often and take commission live, thought not now, internet here sucks.

Next Sale

I finished the last batch of 30 slots i Opened for commission, i'm going to Open 15 Slots more but first i need to Pick what theme of my sale will have 25% of discount. Here are the ideas so far:

A.- Disney Universe: At first it was going to be Zootopia related, but i feel it was to narrow, so i open to make a discount on any drawing related with Disney Universe.
B.- Pokemon: Pokemon have 20th years and it's time to celebrate!
C.- Year of the Monkey: Is the year of the Monkey in Chinnese calendar, so why not add more monkeys around?
D.- Polymorph Magic the gathering spell: This will be Random, there it's a spell in magic that turn a creature into another one based on the first creature card that you show from the card of your upper deck, let's say you are now my creatures, and all the creature database is my deck >:3

You can Vote in my twitter and check how the poll go in this Link: https://twitter.com/Wolfaro/status/.....41053581463552

Commissioner's Raffle

Since i finished my commission queque, I picked the winner of a free Drawing between those commissioner, since this batch was for 30 slot, and the next ones will be of 15 slots, i picked two winners.

Congratulations to  redapeguy and  mogg for win a free Single Picture! Have your ideas and comunicate them to me either on Skype, Telegram, PM or twitter!

And that will be for all! Thanks for reading!

I haven't updated my curren situation in a while. I do need to rant some stuff out, so I apreciatte if you read as well your comfort words.

The Monday i did my last work with the Kinesiologist, The 10 seasons, thought my back hasn't work very well. I admit, that i havent following very well the cares and excersies as i still do stuff here at home, today i strained my back carring the trash outside. And that it how it have being doing in that sense, I feel pissed with myself for have just a simple task like taking the trash out to cause Pain. It have caused me to feel, frustating and useless.

I have being unemployed those days, but i Start Working again. Thought i'm moving to a new place were i'll start my life, alone. I'm Moving to an Island, Chiloé. This will happen Next week, and i hope to deal with the work and the pain on my back. I'm grateful about this, my reserves are running Low. It have being hard to manage to Pay my teraphy and i still have some debts to Pay. I collected the coins i have in changes, and is around 40 US that i'll deposit tomorrow, and with some commission i hope to get to what i need to Pay. The Monetary problem have put stress over my back, but i'm hoping to manage and have it done, and end with enough cash before i start working. There is someone who still don't Pay me a comic commission, so please, if you are reading this. Be considerate with me and my situation.

I'm Open to commission soon, i'll update about this soon. I'l going to do a Poll on twitter so i could pick what will be the next sale. I'm two slot close to finish my last commission queque. Just need to deal with the stress and frustation that have being currently over my burden.

The Problem on my Back, the status of felling incapable of do stuff, felling useless, Monetary situation. Have make me get quite irritable, my fuse is really short, and i blow for really stupid reason. Lossing someone in Darkest Dungeon, Having someone in chat just typing "np", feel frustated over patreon art, feel indiference of someone i want to befriend. Have make me go, just "boom" and that have caused to hurt people i care a lot. Three close friends and My Boyfriend have being, in the middles of those booms. And when i do, i say things that have being hurtful, reacted wrongfully and when i analize what i say it's really... Late... Today i realized, i'm not in good conditions to be with others.

I'm taking a Small "Break" on socializing with others, I'll keep myself out of Skype or keep myself invisible, because i admit, I enjoy to have people talking with me and right now i just stay alone at home watching CSI... In case anyone want to contact me and talk some, go ahead, feel free to do. But just a small warning, i could not respond for two different reason:

1.- I'm not logged on Skype.
2.- I'm in a situation where i feel i'm goign to Burst, i'm felling irritable, or useless and don't want to cause more Pain or risk to ignite my fuse.

If i'm Invisible on Skype, and i feel i can control myself and felling mentally decent for have a normal Chat, I'll reply.

I apreciatte everyone who aproach and help me on those moments where i'm not doing well mentally, from the deep of my heart, thanks you.

Well, People who read my Journal would know i was gonna quit my current Job in the Pharmacist for the reason i mentioned there. Today it was gonna be the last day i was gonna work there, But i get forced to Stop Last thursday.

Last Friday (Friday 29th) The pharmacist wanted the Janitor and the junior to move a huge bookshelf to the second floor. Since the two womans didn't had the strenght to do so i was fool/nice enough (Point of View i guess) to put the Shelf over my back and carry it over to the second floor with a little of Help from the two womans.

The Saturday i started to feel needles on the final end of the spine, the Sunday the pain was a bit bigger but still bothering, The Monday i go to work and everything was hard to do, i still bear it and work as normal, lifting things and such. I arrived with my legs almost Paralized due Pain to home.

I was taken to the Doctor the thursday, where he told me i did a Lumbar Hernia. That day i go to the Pharmacy and say the Bye to everyone.

I had a Magnetic resonancy the wednesday to see how bad the hernia is, the Exams didn't ended that expensive because i'm still under my father name, but i did get scolded by the Doctor for accept to work in a place without contract.

Either way, I'm now forced to be either on Bed or in a Chair with Minimal walking and under Pain Killers. So more reason to take Febraury as Vacations (I don't have a Vacation since 2014). I still have saved 250.000 pesos from the Pharmacy, but will work on commission for save money in case i need surgery as well in case things go wrong.

So far, I had already a Pharmacy store interesed in me. So, there is a chance i'll get a Job after my back Pain vanish.

Thanks for reading me, Greetings.

P.D: If you see me on Skype, and want to chat with me, I'll enjoy it... I'm bored.

This will be an odd message to say, but is something that the real Laboral life just teach me, and i'd like to share the experience to you guys.

Maybe will be contradictory because things always teach us to do the best we can on everything, that we always should act this way with our family, with our friends, in what we do. We always should do the best...

The Sad truth is, in the real life, when you give the best of you to do things. They are gonna be sure to take adventaje of yourself, there were gonna be someone who will crush your hopes in believe they are a greater good and that what you do will be Worthwhile, and have those fellings crushed, really it doesn't worth at all.

No matter if you think you are doing the "right thing" or if you sacrifice even yourself thinking that the reward and apreciattion will be great, i'll told you the true about this world... Being Nice, Being good, sacrifice yourself, those don't work on this world. Think in yourself first as goal, think about what you will do for yourself than what you will do for other more than anything, that is how you are gonna survive outside.

In case you guys wonder why i'm saying those things, i'll do a short resume about what happened to be harsh and sincere with my experience.

1.- I did an internship on a pharmacy, from March to September where i started to feel i could help to improve. Since it wasn't a payed internship i apreciatte each cash they give me for help them (3 US hours) in a long run, i started to feel care from the people that work in it (except for one of the bosses).

2.- Since i started a relationship of concern with the work i do there, even if my internship comes to end and i was totally free from them. I keep working on it, even leaving aside and slown down my thesis project for work inside, working without contract because the pharmacist and his wife wanted me to have my title in hands to contract me. (Which get delayed because was working for them)

3.- In November, the pharmacist had a pre-stroke, because i didn't want the pharmacy to close because her wife didn't wanted to get a true pharmacist to cover them due "money", I accept to work there until the Pharmacist recover, covering his work to the point i was putting in danger my title because i was working as a graduate without the title. The Payment was the same, 3 US/hour, still no contract. The burden was bigger as well the risk... But i did because i didn't had others to lost their work.

4.- The Pharmacist returned in december, 28th of that month i get my title and talked at the next day available with them about working for the pharmacy as a Pharmacist. They told me they were gonna pay me the same amount but in the end they were gonna give me a really, really big "increase". I was happy, i was gonna firm the contract by the end of January and was gonna be with them and improve and apply my thesis i did for improve their lab, make the quality of the preparation be crucial and make the pharmacy even better.

5.- I worker hard, still with not contract with the idea i was gonna get a big increase after all, a Pharmacist here in average, the first year, get payed 1.200.000 pesos monthly (1670 US). With that in mind i keep doing my best... But the thursday i saw the contract and the world crumble... It was for 500.000 pesos (700 US). I felt insulted, the big difference was that, instead of 3 US/hour i get increased to 4 US/Hours. Where all the promises go? I felt insulted, i sacrifice a lot of my time, i sacrifice myself, even my title for them and that was their reply. I mentioned i wasn't gonna accept the contract, that ridiculous amount. When they asked me how much i was wanting to get, I mentioned still a under the average, yet an ammount i didn't mind to keep for a small pharmacy, i mentioned i was happy with 800.000 pesos (1120 US), they treat me like i was crazy, that i was a greedy piece of shit and that i didn't valued all the "knowledge" they give me, making me end with my spirit broken and the trust on people 2 miles underground.

So now, i just wanted to share my thought, warn you guy about this... Never give the best of you to people, keep it for when it trully should matter. Learn to differenciate when you should do your best, but pick with a lot of critical intelect, just a phew one deserve, the other just want to use you and take benefints from your expenses no matter how nice word they use, or how warm they make you feel...

And Officially, I'm a Real Life Alchemist!

I'm now a Pharmacist, it was my most tensed moment of my life, I even cried in Joy whenever the dean mentioned that i was aproved with distintion from all the years i have being there as well my promedy.

I'm really, Really Happy.

Thanks to everyone who stay at my side, to give me a phew words of support in Skype, Twitter, Etc.

All of you, i keep you on my hearth Deeply.

Like the title say...

I defend my thesis Next week, monday 28th At 3 PM... I'm really nervious now.

Well, I have being working on this since March. I worked on doing a intern in a pharmacy, and worked on a project related to such work.

Today I finished the slides for presenting my work to the teacher comitte, the thesis/seminary, a report of 35 pages that focused on improve the work in the recetary was sent to my teacher the monday. The project pass for a lot of reject, remades and fixing, but this was the oficial last work. I'm now just awaiting for the teacher, vice-dean and dean to set when i'll be exposing what i did. The powerpoint is of 27 slidesshot and i have 20 minutes to present my work, i'm a bit anxious, so I need to prepare for it.

I'll have a bit more time to draw now thought, as i don't will need to prepare to fix my thesis, look for mistake, or look for more info. Neither i don't will need to do the slides or powerpoint anymore (hopefully) which will give me a bit more time to drawings, as i just will practice my speech.

Expect more drawings to comes! I'll give as well time to reply to comments and give thaks to watcher, i didn't give me much time for doing so those days, even weeks and months.

Grettings, Lucky. Hopefully a new Pharmacist soon!.

First of All, I'm going to write the Journal in Spanish and then do a translation, since it's easier to me to do one first on my native lenguage.

Spanish Version

Estos días han sido dificiles en mi grupo familiar, puesto que un primo con el cual creci en mi infancia fallecio el sabado producto de un paro Cardiaco. Mi Primo tenia 6 meses más que yo, teniendo la misma edad. Toda esta situación me ha dado mucho por que pensar, y me ha dejado muy quieto en lo que respecta a arte y hablar por Skype, es por eso que quiero dejar una que otro mensaje para ustedes:

1.- Si tienes a alguien que te importa mucho y que hace tiempo que no ves, date un tiempo para hablar con ellos, aunque sea un saludo o un correo a la antigua. Esto lo tengo en mente desde que fallecio mi abuelo, en donde cada vez que se me da la oportunidad le demuestro a mis familiares más viejos cuanto significan para mi. Ademas mis amigos más cercanos saben lo afectivo que soy con ellos. Pero aun así les quiero decir a ustedes que no se olviden de sus seres queridos o aquellas personas que quieran mucho o que sean importante para ustedes, viejos o jovenes... No saben que puede pesar.

2.- Mi primo, no era obeso, era grande. Sin embargo, no se cuidaba mucho su salud. Era fiestero, lo que no tiene nada de malo, fumaba, tomaba, pero nunca se percato de su presion, y fue que tenia que hacerse examenes médicos para irse a vivir a canada que le detectaron una presion de 160. Información que llego tarde, puesto que a la semana despues de que empezo a cuidarse, dejar de fumar, dejar de lado de a poco estas cosas... Su corazón no Aguanto.

A que voy con esto? Muchos saben que me gusta el dibujar Chubbies and Fatfurs. Pero de igual manera me cuido, en ciertos aspectos; solo me falta hacer más ejercicio, disminuir mi masa estomacal (a pesar de que me guste) y dejar un poco el Cafe para poder decir que cumplo con una buena salud cardiaca. Pero en esta comunidad hay personas que le gusta mucho los Chubby/Weight gain/fatfurs, etc. Y quieren ser como sus personajes, Por favor... Cuiden su salud. No solamente por ustedes, si no por el cariño de los demas.

Eso principalmente, mil disculpas pero tomare un tiempo de dibujar y comisiones por lo que tendre un tiempo afuera en eso.

English Version

Those days have being hard on my family group, since a Cousin which I growth with in my childhood passed away due heart stroke. My Cousin was 6 motnhs older than I, same Age. All this situation have give me a lot to think about and i have being quite quiet in art as well when talking with people, that is why i want to left some messages for you guys:

1.- If you have someone who you care a lot and you haven't see in a while, give yourself time to talk with them, even if is just a hi or a mail. I do keep this in mind since my Grandparent passed away, so i do have the chance to show my affection to my older familiars and close friends whenever i have the chance. But i still want to say that don't forget to show that importance care to the ones you know before you would regret and things get late. Younger or Older, because you don't know what would happen.

2.- My Cousin, wasn't fat, he was big. Yet, he didn't take a good care of his health. He liked to go to parties, which have nothing wrong. He drink and Smoke, but never take a good care of his pressure, he was going to travel to Canada and thanks to the required medical exams he get detected a pressure of 160. Information that arrived late, a week later since he started to take better of his health, stop smoking, leaving thise things that he didn't care much, his heart didn't hold anymore.

What is my point? A lot of people know i like to draw Chubby fatfur and weight gain tf, But at the same time i try to keep myself in a good health in some aspect, as i just need to start to do more exercises, low my stomachal mass (even if i like it) and left coffee to say than i do keep a good cardiac health. But in this Communiti there is a lot of people who like chubby/Weight gain/Fatfurs, etc that just want to be like your characters as big. Please, Take a good care of your health. Not just for yourself, but for the care of others.

That is, Thousand apologies but i'm gonna left a time to draw, sketch and commission will be on hold for a bit.

---

Dudo que veas este mensaje, desconozco si eres un Furry. Aun así necesito hechar esto afuera. Eres una Basura de Ser humano, en vez de llamar a la policia o a una ambulancia decidiste vaciar los bolsillos de mi primo y quedarte con sus cosas, robaste en vez de prestar ayuda y lo dejaste tirado en la calle. Tengo tanto odio hacia tí... Tanto Odio... Basura Humana.

I'm Fine as well my family. My Home had minor damage and services are just returning. Due how late it is i can't check if we have structural damage, so far it seems the answer is No.

Coquimbo's Center get damaged by the Tsunami, the situation of my Work Place it's unclear.

I don't have more information about things so far.

A lot of Replicas.

I hope for the security of all the families from the affected zone

I'll be Updating This Journal Accordingly.

Well, i haven't posted anything related to a journal since my last one where i received a lot of support from people either by comments or messages on Skype. I want to give you a thanks for it, things have being improving here.

Thanks you for everything, to everyone.

My thesis first draft was given the last wednesday, i'm gonna start to work more on drawings, as well i'm gonna reply to those comments i haven't reply yet.

Thanks to all.

First of all, this will be a Long Journal. I Apreciate anyone who give his time to read it, and even more if you give the time to comment on it.

First of all, Since my last Journal I have being felling quite better with myself, with my self steem with the Joy of life and keep moving forward. Life have being way better since i started to talk my problem with the people who wanted to listen (I recomend that, in case you are felling down, don't hesitate to aproach people who care, they will be for you and everyone need to release their Pain), Vent my drawing with Art (If you can express what bother you, do so. Dance, Sing, Draw, Write, if you can do something in special release that pain you had), and look at the mirror everyday telling me how i'm important for people and for myself (I have being doing this everymorning, and boy, it's simple but have improved my self-happyness a lot). That are those things i could say for help you guys in case you need it in the same way i did.

Second, Technically after all my research and info, i should be starting my Thesis last week, reason i have being a bit slow in art, thought i still keep working on it. I'm advancing in commission slowly, but i'm trying to not stop in work on art as best i can.

Third; This week have being, quite stressing mentally for me, and a lot of things happen that honestly, i need to vent out of my chest.

Monday: Before my Morning started i get the new that the Laboratorist quit the Job, and now i was in charge of the Magistral Recetary of the Pharmacy. The Unexpected change, new responsabilities, new things i should concentrate... Let me say make me get anxious. It's a big burden over my back. And it comes with a Bitter surprise, while i'm working more hours, have more responsabilities, my wage haven't changed. I won around 40 US (20.000 Chilean Pesos) Per day, which in a way it's bitter, besides my she-boss want me to do still things i used to do as a simple intern (Work in the counter, look for charge, sent to the bank for make deposits, etc) Which take time off doing prescription and Lab Work. But that it's the life of a non contracted Internist.

Thursday: One of my close friend, Pawpy, started to feel really, really depressed. I really get worried and tried my best to help him to feel better as well trying to help everyone in the circle of himself that was felling "blue" Honestly, doing this, plus the extra work and adaptation of it make me feel Mentally tired.

Wednesday: My Mom, discover that my father had a new "Girlfriend" even if she was divorced for around 15 years ago. She get quite depressed, really depressed and i end having a fight for the treatment she give me that day. Working was awfull and i barely worked well. Then once i arrive from work, my mom release a lot of pain and cry to me, everything since the divorce, the cause of it, how much he forgive my father and how much he was unleal to her. A lot of story I ignored, that hurt to hear, but i still put my ear for her.

Today: My mom, talked with me before i leaved Work. She is gonna leave the house, she don't want to see my father anymore by any chance and she want to get away. She promised she was gonna comunicate with us, sent money for pay the basic stuff of it, but for now on, I'm the head of the House, i should decided in what i'll spend the money she will sent., how i'll distribute my time with work and the house, etc. it's another burden, but for see her happy, i'll take it.

Honestly, was a crazy Week. I was needing to release this and vent some, honestly i'm still feel happy, joyful, my mood haven't changed. I'm gonna keep working ahead, keep smiling to myself against the mirror, but sure, it's making me feel mentally tired.

Thanks for Reading me, for the ones who read it all, for the ones who comment on it, that show care, support and comfort.

Thanks you.

This it's a follow up of what i have to do, based on my last Journal, based on messages i get from my friends...

A lot of them mentioned that i never should bottle my fellings, that i should go to a profesional and learn to love myself, the problem is that even with the Profesional I bottled things. I keep so many memories blocked, because i feel it was worthless to share them, that i blocked deep inside me.

Right now, i don't have a profesional here were i live, and i really want to start acting properly, and starting to heal as soon i can, for me, for people, for the ones i love... Like the picture i uploaded yesterday, i'm gonna start to unbottle them, to unbottle what frustate me, what cause pain, goiod and bad memories, i'm gonna open the door of all the memories that i have looked deep inside my own darkness, and put those darkness in a pencil, then let them go, fly away far of my head.

I'm doing this for me, for be a better person, for learn that i should let myself be loved... for my friends, and in special... I want to be healthy mindwise, because... yeah...

Yesterday i did something that i have being regretting the whole day. I broke someone heart, the heart of someone that spend 11 months of my life giving me his patience, giving me his desire to be with me, we shared different kind of memories, and i'd not be writting this Journal if i didn't messed up... Why?

Because i feel i don't deserve to be care for, because i started to feel like an Annoyance for that person, i started to get irritated for the stupid things and i wasn't able to get the patience he give me back. I started to feel i don't deserved love, i started to feel i was just being an Annoyance for that person. I get starting to feel he was happier without me and that i was gonna be making a favor that i dissapear, that i should be dissapearing.

And in those messed up assumptions, i broke his heart.

I know what i did, it's done but i just want to revert my words and take the tears be both sheed away, I want to take away this part of me that whenever i started to feel happy, it start with whispering to my head, saying i'm better dead, that i'm better out of this place, that i deserve to be removed, to simple vanish from people life. I want to feel i deserve to be loved, i want to respect myself.

Right now, i'm writting things because i need advice, because i need to heard help from people that could have pass for something similar, because part of me need to be yelled for what i did, because i want people to criticize my action, to be harsh, part of me... still want me to be hated... to self destroy me...

Hey there! Wanting to share how things going with me of lately. So, here some information that i wanted to share!

1.- I started my Internship work this week, the internship will of 6 months, 8 hours of work each day, plus a Thesis work that i have being working already. Since this is the first week, i'm still organazing my time, with it and Drawing time. I finished all the single slots from my Commission list and started working on the three stage ones,

2.- Usually i don't like to post Sketch on my galleries, so i decided to start uploading the sketch i do to my twitter whenever i do, you can follow me here!; https://twitter.com/Wolfaro Besides to uploading the sketch, you can talk with me or ask me things about stuff, have the recurrent update about drawings and life, so if you like my art, want to know how things go in a more recurrent basis and talk with me, there it's that option!.

3.- The pharmacy is where i worked my first internship, while it was quite stressing, things are moving long nicely!

4.- *hugs for everyone*

First of All, I want to Apologies for not give Signal of being Alive for Over a Month. As well for being quite slow with my drawings, I'm now Available to work again. So Will speed in commission and sketch soon. For people who want more detail to know what happened with me, here it's the info:

1.- In December, I started to do my Clinic Pharmacy Class in the Hospital, when i was starting to get Adapted to Draw and managing my time with the Study for that Class and Draw, point 2 Happened.

2.- Mid of December, My 14 Years old Cocker Spaniel started to get pretty Sick, my Christmass get devastated for that as well my Mood, it take me a While for recover of that bump.

3.- When i was starting to recover from point 2, And ending with the Hospital Work by the mid of January, Gretel, My Cocker Spaniel Passed away, this was an anniquilation toward my will to draw.

4.- I take my time to recover for the Painful memories, when it get my turn to work on my last internship.

5.- I travelred where i was gonna do my internship, worked on a Uncle Pharmacy, when i get a bit of a Surprise. While i was gonna stay on his home (While my mom was gonna help them in the home and enjoy some Vacations) i was needing to travel to the City where the Phgarmacy is, A Travel that take me 2 hours to do, taking my commute to 4-5 hours per day, and 8 hours of work.

Taking in consideration the Commute travel on buses, the Lunch i was needing to bought, I spend around 300~400 US in my work, and since, while the Pharmacist (My uncle) give me a perfect score for my work, he didn't payed me. Now that i'm on Vacations for a couple of weeks, i'm gonna Speed on Commission and drawings because i really need to recover from my internship.

Thanks you for read me, and hope to fill my drawing soon!

I know it's a bit late, but want to wish a Happy new year to everyone. I really don't have much to things to say about this 2014, i'm gonna get my degree, it's gonna be the last year i spend on college, it have being good and bad like any other year. Nothing is perfect, that is why we must focus on the good things that in the bad. But truth be told, that it's easier to say that done.

It was quite hard for me to get off the depressive state i was from the couple month, working hard on the Hospital, getting down eveytime a patient passed away, grief, my 14 years old Cocker Spaniel with a deterioring health...

Sometimes the scenaries we think arebad, doesn't end to be in the way we are thinking, Yesterday was the checkup of Gretel, My Dog, and she is answering to the medicine. The Vet say she is probably gonna be at our side for some time more. That give me the fortitude for start working on drawings again. Eventually it will happen, but a situation like this, well, sometimes help us to understand that noone is there always, and that we shouldn't give them for granted. Thanks to all my friends that were there on those hard moments.

Bless you All, And Happy 2015.

Well, I'm really not syre what to say. Honestly and being sincere, i'm having a really bitter christmass.

I can't say i'm not enjoying, because i'dd be lying. I'm happy to be here with my family, my mother, my father and my dad. I'm really happy to be out and relaxed from the Hospital. But when i arrived from college today, something was felling off.

Gretel, My Cocker Spaniel of 14 years old (She arrived in a day like this a 25 of december of 2000 in the form of a small pup) was acting off, she was more tired that usual, she didn't wag her tail like she used. I asked my mother about it, and she told me that Gretel's heart wasn't working well, that ger Lungs were full of fluids, and they wanted to hide that from me because they didn't wante me to get distracted from College/Hospital probably she will leave us soon.

Anyway... I want to take adventage of that story for mention that, if you have a close someone that you love, that you care for them, either Animal, people, please. Always show how much they mean for you, how much you love them. Whenever you get the chance...

Thanks for read me, I apreciate you all. I love you guys for all the support you have being giving me since i start drawing andd all this time. You guys mean a lot for me. Thanks you.

He is doing his Clinic Hospital internship!

I should had mention early, But last week (Last wednesday for being exactly) I started what would be my last class before i Graduate. This experience have being while more hard that my lat internship working in Assistential Pharmacy, And have drained a lot of my time.

It have become in something quite stressing, a lot of times in special the first week have being even to a point of a "I just want to give up" quite a lot of frustation, and stress. But As the week advance i have get a bit more used.

It still make me feel quite sad that i haven't get quite time to advance on Commission as i have wanted (Haven't colore something since thursday neither doodled a thing) Once i feel my work it's starting to softed (I have sopend studing sometimes the same things once, and once and once so whenever i start felling that i feel well with all the topics i must touch i'll start drawing again (I must have a quite decent knowledge in Anatomy, Physiology and Pathologies and a masterful Knoledge in medicaments)

Either way, that it's what i have to say. *hugs tighty*