Running on 4 hours of sleep. Check
Packed up car for Furpac. Check
Finished work shift. Check
Time to vamoose to Furpac.
Wish you all a merry, creep, Halloween!


"Christmas and Easter
Bring wonderful treasures
But spirits and pumpkins
Bring far greater pleasures

Phantoms and ghosts
Make wonderful hosts
And every year they convene
To wish you a merry, sshhhhh, creepy Halloween.

Scarecrows and blackbirds are always together
Cauldrons are brewing and banshees are booing
The weird and ghastly groutique
To wish you a merry, sshhhhh, creepy Halloween.

This is the night of heavenly fright
Witches on broomsticks are up to their tricks
And poltergeists wail to the moon
Which looks like a silver balloon

Frankenstein monster is having a ball
Scaring the goblins right off of the wall
Bogies and prats' are our favorite bats
And children are king and queen
They wish you a merry, sshhhhh, creepy Halloween. "

~ "Wish you a merry, shhhhh, creepy Halloween" from "The Original Addams Family Halloween special

Happy Rosh Hashanah or L’shanah Tovah to those celebrating the holiday! May this New Year be sweet, healthy and happy to all of you. ^_^

...or lack there of. I received a call from the appraiser this week regarding the deer claim. The appraiser decided hat I should sell the car for parts...partly due to the new parts would cost more than the vehicle. Granted the car also has an airbag recall but still..... ~_~;;

So far, I removed all my stuff from the car and renting a car until I can purchase a newish car this month.

....when a young buck deer ramrods the front driver's side of your car. I made it out fine with delayed soreness in my hips and lower back.

However, the buck took many scrapes and thankfully it was able to walk away with the help of the state trooper. Soo relieved and thankful the deer did not have to be shot. I was in tears seeing it hurt.

Driver's side front lights and side dent need to be repaired. Hoping insurance will help with the damages.

Well, better late than never. What a week….pulled in lots of overtime entire week including mud volleyball this morning.

Anthrocon was a crazy busy this year.
It was fun seeing everyone again, met many new furs, and reconnected with friends I have not seen in years. Reconnecting with my friends is special to me. I wore Lucky twice and I was a handler to two extremely tall rabbits in the fursuit parade. (Note to self; next time wear gel support feet pads.) One of my friends told me we had 1,461 fursuiters in the parade. It was nice to see hordes of Pittsburg citizens, who not just liked furries, but loved them, come see the parade.

I winged it this year with the panels and events at the convention. Alkaline (spelling?) was a hoot at “Whose Lion is it Anyway.” I accidentally missed the floor wars, however, I was able to watch the dance competition and show support to  Gale_Frostbane and her mate  Strobes.
Their videos can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6895616/

I want to say thank you again to Uncle Kage and his staff for making this convention a fantastic experience!

Hope to see everyone again at future cons.


Mud Volleyball tournament.....another way to get down and dirty with coworkers (yea I know, bad pun). This event was in support of epilepsy.
I arrived on the field at 8am and we began at 8:30am. My team may not have won the tournament, but it was a heck of a lot of fun. My captain heckled me saying I scored the most dives for the team. I did the same last year too. Not afraid of the mud. It beats the high humidity we experienced. I cannot wait to participate in it again.

After the event, I had skedaddle to my company and used their shower before my overtime shift began. My shift started at 2 and it's ending at midnight. As you can see I am being sneaky submitting this during my slow shift.

This week certainly flew by and July is right around the corner. Tomorrow, Saturday, I will be giving free chair massages at the Relay For Life event held at the Rutland State Fairgrounds, under the Vermont Country Store's tent. This will be my 3rd year in a row, both helping and vending to raise money to fight against cancer. The tips I earn, will be given to Relay For Life. I love helping at these type of events. It's a rewarding experience to help others and participate in worthy charity causes. I will be there morning through evening.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?p.....mp;fr_id=65447

Wish everyone a great weekend. ^_^

Seeing and listening to this video brightens up my day. I hope this does the same for you and bring a smile to your face. ^_^

I cannot get enough of this video. I've seen a few of their videos, but this one is my favorite. I like the creative way they are united as one using the entire piano in harmony accompied by the bow strings of a cello.

FiveGuys 1 Piano

You never know what will happen in life. Take more time to say hello to people you care about. Take more time to reach out to an old friend and say hello. Take more time for the important things in life. Take more time to spend it with those important to you. You just never know when you won't have that chance. Each day is a blessing and a gift. We all get busy and take way too many things for granted. Time to make a change....

On Wednesday, I received a message on FB a close friend from high schol passed away due to a collision.
He was an insanely smart and caring guy and always made time for friends. He sadly left his wife as well as his 3 young children due to a terrible motorcycle him. He was in full motorcycle gear and helmeted, but his helmet failed.

Sadly, it sometimes takes the greatest of cruelties for us as people to understand how ephemeral life really is, and how quickly tragedy can swoop in and change the entire paradigm we dwell in. So, in light of this, as I stated before, don't neglect those you hold dear, don't let perceived slights drive you away, perhaps understand there are few things that are unforgivable.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all who knew him, especially his family. May you find the strength to get through this very difficult time. Rest in Peace my friend!

A message to friends and others, who read this message: Please think before you drive like an idiot, or text and drive. Pay attention! You could kill a son, husband, father, and great friend like my friend CJ.

Just generalizing... ^_^

We are led to belive we have everything in life, but the truth is we don't have everything.

Real happiness is hard to find. You can have enough money and buy everything you need, have everything you don't have, be what you want to be, but in the end, you realized you are not content because you are not happy. You feel empty inside and you try to look for it the next day and so on. Everyday its always the same and you fake it. You masked it with smiles, laughter, jokes, material things, and that makes life hard sometimes.

Sometimes we don't realize we do not what we have until we lose it, but it is also true we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

If you cannot find the answers to your questions; you may end up waiting for someone to find it for you. Sometimes the harder you look the longer you suffer, but when it comeas along, you have to act right away. Don't let it go. Hold it in your hands, take it close to your heart, and never let it go.

After work, tomorrow night, I am driving down to Connecticut to hang out with my besties  MellenCollie and  Kutal through Saturday. Mmmm, cannot wait to eat sushi with them.

Work, not only gave me Friday-Saturday off, but also Monday-Tuesday. Debating whether to call off my shift on Sunday and take a personal paid time off.

Part of me also wants to see the Boston Aquarium, Museum of Science and Fenual (spelling?) Hall market place. I miss hanging out in Boston. It's less than 2 hours drive from where I will be in Connecticut. Hmmmm....

 xainy found a way to block the IMVU face.
Download Ghostry for your browser! It lets you block certain things while still being able to see the artist's ads that we all like to see and support the artists of FA.
Hope this helps you!


https://www.ghostery.com/en/download

Note: For the record, I am not condoning wearing a mask, I just find the psyche behind it fascinating.

After attending Anime Boston this year and cosplaying as Kim Possible, I caught myself pondering more about this topic and I guess why we do the things we do. Why do we wear masks? Are we doing it because it's fun, the "in" thing, or is there a deeper meaning behind it?

We are all trying to find out who we really are...finding our true selves. We do our best to learn who we are and find meaning to our lives. I have often wondered why we do the things we do what we do and how our past impacts who we are or what we want to become in the future.

We all wear masks at some point in our lives that becomes human nature to us. Wearing a mask can take on several meaning and incorporate different ways of going about it. It can be our facial guise we show to our peers, family, friends, loved ones, and society. It can be in the form of cosplaying, dressing as a character (i.e. Anime, MLP Trekkie, Movie, etc.) we wish to emulate. It can also be in the form of fursuiting or donning on ears and a tail portraying an animal we associate, like, or have a connection to.

Sometimes we wear masks throughout the course of our daily lives, whether purposely, unconsciously, or habitually. By doing so, we present a certain facade to the world than what we want to show. For example, we could be hiding emotions, vulnerability, our fears, the truth, or depression. Being masked is a defense mechanism, a shield to offer us comfort and helps us get through functions, events, conventions, work, school, and so on and so forth with ease. For instance, our outward appearance can give others the impression we are calm, cool, collected and exude confidence, whereas internally we are nervous, shy, awkward, vulnerable, or hiding internal scars, a past hurt.

We shield parts of ourselves we do not like or accept, or to protect ourselves from further scarring, pain, suffering, or rejection. We are very hard on ourselves, which can inadvertently result in self-sabotage. Deep down, we are all vulnerable beings, though some are better hiding it than others, who want to be accepted and liked.

Being accepted is crucially important to our wellbeing and existence. For some, it could be why people chose to be in a fandom, aside from having a common interest. It is an exhilarating feeling to be loved and accepted for who you are, our faults included, than what you, what your occupation, or what can do for others. Many of us fear being rejects by others. Underneath the masks we wear, there is usually a wound or scar that comes from having a part of ourselves rejected by ourselves or by others. I have learned over the years, people who are scarred have, in my opinion, the most depth, passion, vulnerability, compassion, drive, empathy, and understanding.

As I have said before, wearing a mask is our defense mechanism that protects ourselves from future hurt, rejection and or pain. However, we tend to forget, if there is someone who can cause scars, there is someone who can heal them. By healing ourselves, we find the strength to find the good ourselves, confidence, and the strength to carry on.

When masked, we long to let our guard down and shed our vulnerability. These masks give the wearer confidence, sense of worth, belonging, and security. As much of the benefits of being masked helps with our wellbeing, there are also costs. By letting down our guard, we fear we may lose some of our personality, but sometimes the masks make us who we are (if that makes sense). A catch 22.

A transformation of ourselves, whether fursuiting or not can also make us into better people.

Wearing a mask can be pure freedom, freedom to be who we are without worrying how our peers, friends, family or the public eye views us. Celebrities, for example, are scrutinized by the public eye in how they dress, what they say off camera, their acting ability, what they do, etc.. Amongst the glamor, popularity and perks to being in the public eye, there is also lots of stress. Being masked gives us the freedom from societal constraints, norms, responsibilities, and obligations.

The ability to experience freedom is a potent allure. For instance, when I was in college our sociology professor gave us the assignment to “break a norm.” I chose, since I was going to attend King Richard’s Fair with a college friend, to wear medieval garb at the fair and for following week at college. The allure to wear an outfit out regular attire was freeing. It was a fun experience, after being nervousness of peer’s reactions as I wore my outfit during classes, at work and at the middle school, where I participated in a mentor program. I wanted to dress out of the norm longer than a week, but at that time I still wanted to be accepted and respected by my friends and peers for who I was. I turned in my paper a week early before the assignment was do and received an A for my efforts. Easiest A I received that year. I have to admit I relished in that Sociology’s class reactions both wearing the outfit and during my presentation on my assignment. I still remember, when one of my classmates’ said he thought it was odd I wore that outfit before Halloween, but it made sense to him after I reported my paper to the class. Yes, the assignment was due before Halloween. I also smirked and told him and the rest of the class, their reactions was also noted in my paper.

Part of the problem is when/if you are masked too long, our masks become the norm and we begin losing bits of ourselves in the process of pleasing others. I will admit I am a people pleaser. Heck, currently one of my jobs involves being a people pleaser. There is no escaping being one. Lol

I guess you can say, being a people pleaser began for me at age 6 when I heard my parents screaming at each other and remembered my stepdad threatening divorce. After my initial crying from their ear-piercing screams, I decided put a stop to it and become their peace weaver. Seeing as I did not like seeing them mad at each other or yelling. Somehow I managed to persuade them to stop yelling and reconcile with each other by talking to each of them at different times. Whatever I said to them seemed to placate them enough and in the end they reconciled. After that incident, their yelling matched continued throughout my life up to my upper 20s. Because of my experiences with them, I cringe or shrink away from high pitch sounds, and people yelling. The plus side to those memories is heightening my skills being a peace weaver for family, friends, and at work.

Another problem being masked is when we confuse our masks with who we are. It can be difficult to separate who we think we should be from who we want to be. There is also the point, the inability to express ourselves, to some degree, and or show feelings prevents us from experiencing real intimacy in relationships.

Since many of us long to be loved accepted by others, we should offer love and acceptance to our family and friends. If we dropped our masks we may discover people will accept us for who we are as a whole.

Sorry this journal turned out longer than I anticipated. -_-

Ever have a moment when you psyche yourself up with excitement then, second guess yourself when you arrive to your destination? That is how it was for me on the first day of the convention, when I retrieved my bad at registration solo. Felt like a salmon swimming upstream through a vast current of attendees. Part of me wanted to chicken out because I had no clue where I was going. That night, reminded me of when I was 6 years old, trotting a pony on my first lesson. It spooked and cantered around the arena. I was surprised I made it around the arena once then fell off. It was then I had to decide whether to be a wuss and not get back on or toughen up and show it I was not afraid of it. My will or stubbornness won that round just as it reminded me I can do this convention.

I can do smaller conventions like FurFright/Furpacolypse or End of World Con with ease, whether I knew anyone there or not. However, I have not attended a convention of Anime Boston’s magnitude since Anthrocon, my first furry convention. The last time I attended Anime Boston was 10 years ago and I knew I did not want to miss it this year.

I am ashamed of myself for almost chickening out and cancel going because I was attending it solo. It’s funny, I have not felt that anxiety since college. Remembering some of my friends were vending their art, glasses, etc in both Artist Alley and Dealer’s room reminded me I was not alone and even though I would not see them until sometime later, knowing they would be there gave me comfort. Their presence in the building lifted my spirits considerably. I cannot explain it. I do not know why I get nervous attending large conventions by myself. I never had that problem before. My teenage self would have disappointed at my deplorable cowardice. I am thankful I decided to face my “fears.”

During Saturday and Sunday I had a blast hanging out with some cool peeps (alphabetical order),  MajikCraft,  Sandy_Surf, and  Stormslegacy. It was freeing to not have a fixed panel schedule, aside from wanting to see the Masquerade. Running around, seeing where you end up was the best way to go at the convention.

I had fun cosplaying as Kim Possible with my little Rufus, even though I wish I could have fursuited there. Timing was a concern. Since I was not staying at any of the hotels, I had no place to change and did not want to impose on friends. Both the Masquerade and Cosplay Chess had enteraining skits and elaborate cosplaying attire. I helped Majik at her booth and sewing cupcakes panel. I helped her attendees and made some non-furry friednds. I still need to finish the cupcake I tried to craft. After her panel and taking down her booth, our motley crew went out for some deliscious sushi. Score!! Good friends and good sushi, I cannot complain.

Overall, I am most happy I attending the convention and look forward to it next year. ^_^

April 3rd-5th I will be attending the convention. I find it odd they are having this during Easter weekend. I am both excited and nervous about attending. Nervous because I will be attending it by myself and I will be staying in another town, so parking will be tricky.

I was originally going to masquerade as Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket. However, if the outfit is not ready for the convention, I will go as Kim Possible.

Incase FA turns into a fiasco, I created a Weasyl account.

https://www.weasyl.com/~luckychance02

Should have posted this awhile ago.

Lately, been dealing with work drama regarding the use of a stand-sit station and car issues (who hasn't had that, right?). Thankfully the work drama has died down and can finally use a standing station because of my "runners knee" and arthritis. Recently heard someone is spreading more drama at work. Rather hear it from the horse's mouth than listening to hearsay.

I turned 33 on February 24th. I do not feel any different. On the same day of my birthday, was the final day to be moved out of apartment. I did not mind moving furniture and the rest of my belongings. I called it exercise. The story I heard from the detective about my former roommate is he's trafficing illegal imigrants, something along the lines of a cartel, and fled back to New York.

Currently, living at parent's house through April to help give support to my step-dad, who has dimmentia. I will be caring for him, especially during when my mother is away on business trips. In the meantime, I am job and apartment hunting for potential locations in Vermont, Mass, both Carolinas, Arizona, and Florida.

You heard right. I will be going to join my coworkers soon and take the plunge in my town's lake for the Penguin Plunge event. Even my company's owners and CEO dive in with us. Call it crazy, foolhardy, or brave if you will. The money we have all raised for it goes to the Special Olympics.

When my company dives in, weather.com says it will be 2 degrees feels like -12 with wind NNW 9mph. If the lake water theory is right, the water should be warmer than the air, like it was 2 years ago when I first did Penguin Plunge.

I am all for the warmer water and for Winter Fest, which includes African drumming and chili judging. Loved their chilli variety.

Wish me luck! ^^

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
75% Bondage Receiver
74% Experimentalist
74% Submissive
70% Switch
69% Primal (Prey)
59% Primal (Predator)
58% Bondage Giver
58% Brat
58% Exhibitionist
58% Girl/Boy
55% Vanilla
54% Non-monogamist
54% Voyeur
46% Degradation Receiver
45% Masochist
45% Slave
35% Brat Tamer
34% Daddy/Mommy
34% Dominant
29% All-Rounder
29% Sadist
26% Pervert
8% Master/Mistress
4% Degradation Giver
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=70075

Seams this month is the start of trials and tribulations not only for my friends but also for me. Heard one friend will be going in for surgery for gallbladder and another is having problems with kidney stones. I wish them the best. They are in my prayers.

Recently talked to the landlord. Apparently, the elusive roommate, told her on the 9th he "couldn't afford it anymore" (bullshit) and is moved out. Most likely, he realized the government was onto him. I still receive his mail. He does not have anything of his here except for soap and shampoo.

A little something about the ex-roommate. He is from Peru and has been in the states on a Visa to pursue dentistry. Over the course of these past few months, he has been reported to have been trafficking illegal immigrants and has not one but also 6 or so other apartments scattered from New Jersey all the way up to my state and New York. He goes by the name Hermin Piedra. I hope none of you run into him.

The landlord says I have until February 1st to either renew the rent or vacate the apartment. ~_~;

I was fortunate in December to have made a mistake by sending her a second rent check, thinking she did not receive the first one. So, the wrong action saved me until the end of January.

Forgot to mention I am not on a lease and the apartment was being subletted to me.

I am torn and conflicted of what to do. One part of me wants to move south to Florida or somewhere warm, and get a job using my Environmental degree. Another wants to stay in Bennington or move closer to Rutland, Vermont so I can be close to my parents and help them as my step-dad is struggling with dementia. Moving to Rutland would also have me living closer to my current job.

*sighs* I can only hope the rest of this month will be better for all of you.

Recently submitted Halloween and Christmas badges I created for my friends. I hope they like them. I know it's late in submitting them, but better late than never. A few of them I need to acquire address to mail them.

This years has gone by so fast. Soon December will be over and 2015 is around the corner. The time, when some of us make new years resolutions.

You see, it's also important to think about what you can do now, what you can do today.

New Thinking for 2015. I'm calling this recent enlightenment my commitment to live longer and healthier, both physically and mentally.

1. Remember tomorrow is always a new day. Take one step at a time.
2. Practice gratitude.
3. Remember you have the power to make a difference and help others.
4. Remember that all good things take time.
5. Not compare what I have or don't have to others, because all that does is make you stressed and sad when you aren't "matching" up.
6. Exercise, walk, hike, and or use the gym more often.
7. Try to keep a positive mindset, especially when dealing with stressors.
8. Continue my artwork and Zentangles, no matter how crappy it is.
9. Write often and try to work more on my "book."
10. Get plenty of sleep.
11. Read at least 10 books
12. Downsize my belongings, I acquired over the years and donate them to places like Good Will, Thrift Stores, etc etc etc.

Wishing you all a good Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Yule, and whatever holiday you celebrate this winter.
It's the time of year to count your blessings and treasure the moments you have with your family and friends.
It is also a time to remember those, who are deployed and serving.
I have already received an early Christmas gift, which was not wrapped in a fancy gift box.
It is the gift of all of the wonderful friends I have, whether furry or non-furry.
I am thankful to have you all in my life.
Each of you is special and very dear to my heart.
I hope each and everyone of you get your Christmas wishes and I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday as well.
Remember, in the words from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, "Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!"